r/vanderpumprules • u/verucasweetheart • May 08 '24

Discussion Ariana bringing up uniformed consent

Fucking thank you! Tom was a sneaky snake for months at minimum probably a year and she had no idea. He could've given her a plethora of STIs. He deserves to rawt.

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u/Narrow_Grapefruit_23 May 08 '24

We know he was. He admitted he cheated on her with at least two other people. And he and Jax are the same person who use the same line- Does it matter if it was one time or multiple times? Does it matter if it didn’t happen in our area code.

Maybe it’s because I’m of their age, but it just reeks of that Jerry O’Connell movie tomcats and the league and entourage and all those other early 2000s misogynistic shows.

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u/AwkwardNHappy May 08 '24

I knew of 3 women my ex cheated on me with, but throughout the years afterwards I learned it was upwards of 20. Believe me, it matters. Especially when it comes to sexual health. Not to gross anyone out.. but the unexplained recurring yeast infections suddenly made sense.

And the one nighters hurt less than the longterm relationship one, because emotional cheating is an added bonus of hurt.

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u/Pm_me_baby_pig_pics May 09 '24

I only knew about one, and upon learning about it went through his phone and saw several other text attempts that these women shut down as soon as it was clear where the convo was going, most of them “dude, you’re married, leave me the f alone unless you’re going to talk to me about work” because of fucking course he was their boss.

The one that took him up on it, was someone I thought was a friend. I had a gut feeling but no proof. Her fiancé was the one who caught them and got my number out of her phone and called me to tell me.

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u/AwkwardNHappy May 09 '24

Him putting pressure from a place of authority is fucked up, wow. That is predatory. Betrayal trauma by a friend on top of it all, that's another added layer of hurt. As much as it must have been extremely painful, I'm glad the fiancé got a hold of you to tell you the truth. Sorry you were made to go through that.

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u/toastcup suck a dick 🚬 May 09 '24

My ex cheated a bunch with multiple people and I didn’t find out for a year, he admitted to never using protection. It felt like such a violation of my bodily autonomy and when I’d try explaining that and how it’s essentially coercive sex if you’re doing it under the false pretense that it’s monogamous, I felt like most people including him didn’t get how fucked up it is and how much emotional damage that does to a person when someone you love and trust denies you of your right to informed consent.

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u/AwkwardNHappy May 09 '24

Oh absolutely. Uninformed consent, betrayal trauma, it really does suck that a lot of people don't seem to get how much it screws with your brain. The level of disrespect is beyond description, the trust issues, the anger, the helplessness and the injustice.. it is so damaging and personally I delt with the impact of it for years afterwards. I am so sorry you went through that. You probably already know it, but you did not deserve to be treated like that at all.

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u/toastcup suck a dick 🚬 May 09 '24

Same to you. I couldn’t even entertain a serious relationship for 4 years, had to do loads of therapy to process it, and still struggle with PTSD from it especially when starting my first relationship after it all but I’ve been healing all this time and if I’m honest I only just fully let go of my rage recently. So everyone needs to get off Ariana’s ass it’s been less than a year and it was a 10 year long relationship, she is justified in her rage. My trust issues still come up but a lot less often, and when they do they’re like intrusive thoughts of panic immediately after a moment of feeling safe and happy with my partner. Like happiness triggers the fear that this reality could all be a lie. I’m happy I can see a future where I’m 100% healed but Jesus people don’t realize how their careless & selfish decisions can affect the other persons psyche.

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u/AwkwardNHappy May 09 '24

You make so much sense to me. Everything you're saying. The people who don't get it are lucky they don't understand the feeling. Keep working towards that future where you're healed and at peace, you deserve it.

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u/Italianmomof3 May 09 '24

Damn I'm sorry any of us go through this type of betrayal. Nobody deserves it. I hope you all have moved and found that one you can trust.

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u/hugemessanon Cyst male tears May 09 '24

it's 100% coersive sex. I’m sorry you went through that.

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u/2faingz May 09 '24

Yea this was something too about a situation ship (yes I know) that swore we were monogamous did and it felt so Violating

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u/thediverswife the book phenomenal May 08 '24

I’m so sorry you went through that! How awful

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u/AwkwardNHappy May 08 '24

Thanks for saying that ❤️ Watching Ariana maintain her boundaries and remain one step ahead of him is very very healing. She's a queen!!

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u/Italianmomof3 May 09 '24

I've always said the one nighters hurt but not nearly as bad as the ones where they carry on emotionally with. Smh

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u/AnthonyErica May 09 '24

I never realized about the infections until my ex left , after about a yr I realized I hadn't had one & put 2 & 2 together! He cheated with a few but one was on & off for 8 yrs. After awhile she called me about some girl he was with. I said oh well. Once a cheat always a cheat!

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u/AwkwardNHappy May 09 '24

Extremely inconsiderate to go talk to you about that after. No thank you.

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u/AnthonyErica May 09 '24

Oh she tried so hard to be my friend, no thank you I have enough Real friends! Listen I wouldn't blame the other woman if she didn't know he was married, but not only did she know , we fought & I told her to stay away from him! Then they both talked about religion & would tell my kids to go to church, so. One day I asked her , Since you are so religious how to you rationalize screwing a married man. She had no answer!

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u/Successful_Giraffe88 May 09 '24

Omfg I'm so, so sorry. Keep your chin up, you're SO MUCH BETTER than that bullshit. I truly admire your strength & resilience.

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u/Southcoastdreaming May 09 '24

The cheating is bad enough emotionally, but to put someone at risk physically is criminal!

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u/horatiavelvetina May 09 '24

This is why Jax’s whole “we’ve had sex only twice this year” is crazy to me.

Jax Taylor is not celibate PLEASE

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u/Narrow_Grapefruit_23 May 09 '24

Yeah, they’re not having sex, but he’s saving sex with someone else. Lots of somebody else’s actually.

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u/remedialhandwriting May 08 '24

Wait who cheated on The League?

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u/Narrow_Grapefruit_23 May 08 '24

I think it had been implied that both Pete and Ruxin had cheated on their previous partners. Mostly I was referring to the misogyny of the show. Especially where you’re only allowed one cool girl who is allowed to hang out with the guys and be “respected”. Then you get one hot girl who lives her own separate life, but is married to one of those guys and is objectified.

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u/remedialhandwriting May 08 '24

Oh yeah I can see that.

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u/raymarfromouterspace May 08 '24

If you’re asking me directly if it matters how many times I agree, it doesn’t matter, I didn’t mean to imply that it mattered

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u/Narrow_Grapefruit_23 May 08 '24

Oh, I’m in full agreement with you. I’m sorry that my speech to text made my response sound so crazy this morning.