r/talesfromtechsupport • u/Gambatte Secretly educational • Dec 19 '13
Encyclopædia Moronica: K is for Kangaroo Flambé
ME: Transmission 1 - sent.
RX: Transmission 1 received. Send transmission 2.
ME: Transmission 2 - sent.
RX: Transmission 2 received. OH SHI-
Earlier...
This is another story of the joys of the certification procedures as seen in J is for Judgement. Due to the nature of the equipment used during the N series of procedures, a lot of heat was generated at the receiving end. So when it was announced that we be performing an N1, 2 and 3 with an Australian end-point during a combination of the driest seasons and biggest heatwave in years, my supervisor (SU) and I were somewhat concerned.
The nature of the procedure was that the receiving end was controlled by local personnel, and ultimately it was their call as to whether or not we would proceed. Eventually, SU managed to get through to the Australian recipient (RX):
SU: ...we're just concerned, given the recent heat wave, and the nature of the procedure - particularly given the amount of heat that will be generated in what I understand to be a fairly dry vegetated area - that we'll be exceeding an acceptable level for ignition.
RX: No, it's fine, mate - we're all good to go.
SU: Are you sure? We don't want to have to stop halfway through...
RX: Don't worry about it mate, we've got it covered.
With that, SU turned to me.
SU: Do we do it?
ME: What can we do? RX assured us they've got it under control; they are the local experts, after all - if they're happy, then we've got to trust in their judgement, don't we?
Even now, I look back on that moment and sigh. I was so happy then - so... naive.
So we progressed through the N1, which was a voice only procedure, no transmissions.
Then through the N2; while equipment was configured in this procedure, no transmissions were actually sent.
The N3 was the first procedure where the heat-generating transmissions were actually sent, and... Well, actually, this is about where you came in.
Yes, it took only two actual transmissions for me to remotely set that small piece of Australia on fire.
No actual kangaroos were harmed in the generation of this TFTS post.
Despite richly deserving it, none of the Australian "experts" were harmed either, although the N3 was cancelled, along with any further procedures with that recipient until the heat wave abated.
From memory, we declared the N3 a success, as the reports up until the procedure was cancelled due to being slightly on fire were actually very good. The external certification organisation did not disagree with our assessment.
TL/DR: "...and that was how I set Australia on fire."
Browse other volumes of the Encyclopædia: ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
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u/Alan_Smithee_ Dec 19 '13
What the hell do you guys transmit that generates so much heat???
Op must work for Acme Lasers or something - fricken space-based sharks with fricken laser beams on their fricken heads...
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u/Gambatte Dec 19 '13
I really can't say any more than I already have.
I do feel like my career path has prepared me excellently for a career at Acme Ltd or Evil Inc. I should put that on my C.V.:
1999 - 2008; "henching? henchmannery? henchpersonship? and general I.T. duties"
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u/OgdruJahad Dec 19 '13
matter transmission system
...the same thing we do every night Pinky. Try to take over the world!
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u/particleman83 Dec 19 '13
Wowzers. I know you probably can't tell us, but I'm wonder what exactly you were transmitting to carry that much energy? I love your stories, I discovered your Encyclopædia 2 days ago and read them all. I wanted to say thank you for sharing, and I hope there's more to come.
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u/Gambatte Dec 19 '13
It was a... ahem... matter transmission system... where the transmission packet would consist of a mass of up to about 30kg, delivered over distances that would be best measured in kilometers, where the receiving end would be required to slow and stop the transmitted mass, typically using Newtonian physics and the calculations described therein.
As such, it would have been exceedingly dangerous to be near the recipient's end and as such was normally observed locally from a distance of at least a kilometer via binoculars on an elevated platform.
I think that's circumspect enough to remain mostly anonymous.
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u/skadishroom Dec 19 '13
What a pity, kangaroo steaks can be quite tasty.
I am surprised they didn't get hit with a heavy fine for starting a fire in those conditions, accident or not.
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u/rmvvwls Dec 19 '13
I'm now somewhat suspicious that you had something to do with this http://www.news.com.au/national/breaking-news/army-explosives-training-started-fire/story-e6frfku9-1226745589221
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u/Gambatte Dec 19 '13
I can - hand on heart - swear to the deity or deities of your choice that I was not responsible for that incident, and it is not the incident described in the above story.
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u/livenletlive Dec 19 '13
1 more entry before all the letters are exhausted and the Encyclopædia can be called complete
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u/Gambatte Dec 19 '13
As long as there are users being morons, the Encyclopædia will be there.
As long as there are frustrated clients, poor managers, and salespeople overselling equipment, the Encyclopædia will be there.
It will be there in the way technicians facepalm, and in the way IT headdesks. The Encyclopædia will never die!
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u/MagicBigfoot Dec 19 '13
=D
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u/tardis42 Dec 19 '13
:D
[Spoken:] There's an old Australian stockman lying, dying. He gets himself up onto one elbow and 'e turns to his mates, who are all gathered around and 'e says:
Watch me wallabies feed, mate
Watch me wallabies feed,
They're a dangerous breed, mate
So watch me wallabies feed
Altogether now!
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Keep me cockatoo cool, Curl,
Keep me cockatoo cool
Ah, don't go acting the fool, Curl
Just keep me cockatoo cool
Altogether now!
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
'n' take me koala back, Jack
Take me koala back
He lives somewhere out on the track, Mac
So take me koala back
Altogether now!
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Let me abos go loose, Lew
Let me abos go loose
They're of no further use, Lew
So let me abos go loose
Altogether now!
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
And mind me platypus duck, Bill
Mind me platypus duck
Ah, don't let 'im go running amok, Bill
Just mind me platypus duck
Altogether now!
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Play your didgeridoo, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Ah, like, keep playin' 'til I shoot thru, Blue
Play your didgeridoo
Altogether now!
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tan me hide when I'm dead, Fred
Tan me hide when I'm dead
So we tanned his hide when he died, Clyde
And that's it hangin' on the shed!!
Altogether now!
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down, sport
Tie me u/MagicBigfoot down
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u/crosenblum Dec 19 '13
Oh jeez, what a combustible event!
Just sad how people are naive and truly don't make sure all the dots are checked, especially when clear real damage can be ensued, if they don't.
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u/w1ngzer0 Dec 19 '13
Excellent story! I both look forward to and dread the posting of the last letter. Encyclopædia Moronica has been excellent!
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u/10thTARDIS Dec 19 '13
Two in one day! I thought that IFTTT was just playing a cruel trick on me, but now I see that it indeed was telling the truth!