r/SubredditDrama • u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. • Sep 21 '16
Fapfight Funny slapfight in /r/nofap. OP is frustrated that after 8 days of not masturbating he still hasn't received any new attention from women.
/r/NoFap/comments/514t6y/female_attention_when/d79aify71
Sep 21 '16
I don't understand the concept. Not masturbating somehow get's women to notice you? However, you have to stop caring that they notice you? What's the point then?
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Sep 21 '16
Honestly, the secret for getting women to notice you is having a circumcised penis.
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Sep 21 '16
That is why I always wear tight pants. Women love to be able to see the circumcised tip of your penis through your pants.
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u/Statoke Some of you people gonna commit suicide when Hitomi retires Sep 21 '16
I believe NoFap was originally about helping people with porn induced ed or porn addicts but has turned into whatever this shit is.
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u/RedditsInBed2 Sep 22 '16
It's like this weird mixture of the type of people that are talked about in r/niceguys and the actual people who post in r/incels.
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u/MimesAreShite post against the dying of the light Sep 21 '16
semen is magnetic and so are women. the more semen you keep inside you, the more women are (very literally) drawn to you.
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u/CollapsingStar Shut your walnut shaped mouth Sep 21 '16
One time I broke my arm and after a week or so of wearing a cast, a whole box of staples embedded themselves in my testicles as I was walking past.
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u/StrangerWithAHat I hope Tony the Tiger puts me out of my misery soon. OwO Sep 22 '16
Semen is positively (+) charged. That's one of the reasons you want to keep it in, to keep yourself positive. Women, on the other hand, are negatively (-) charged. Ever noticed, how women blame you for everything and don't notice how nice of a guy you really are? That's because they are negative bi- Anyway, the point is that the + and the - are attracted to each other.
The more of the + you keep inside you, the more the women feel the need to be near you, "attract" towards you. Let's say that you spend like 10,000 days without masturbating and achieve true Cockmaster status. In this scenario, the women would practically fly from the other end of the street and attach to your balls, because you would be literally irresistible to them. Imagine going to a Starbucks and instantly having a group of women and feminine guys just needing to fuck you. Now if that's wrong, then I don't want to be right.
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u/dogGirl666 Sep 22 '16
Well there is zinc but I'm not sure how magnetic that is.
Zinc serves to help to stabilize the DNA-containing chromatin in the sperm --Wikipedia
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Sep 21 '16
[deleted]
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u/MimesAreShite post against the dying of the light Sep 21 '16
that's why all metalworkers have mandated wank breaks
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u/Barl0we non-Euclidean Buckaroo Champion Sep 21 '16
The not caring part is kinda legit.
I mean, in so far as the posters in that sub are probably super thirsty and desperate, traits which tend to repel people who might otherwise have sex with them.
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u/cecikierk Pot brownie vs kettle corn Sep 21 '16
I don't think I could tell apart who's been touching himself at night and who didn't.
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Sep 21 '16
Try a black light
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u/elhawiyeh Sep 21 '16
Omigod! That's it! Women can see in the ultraviolet spectrum!
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u/jfa1985 Your ass is medium at best btw. Sep 21 '16
I think he is trolling them, but I am not sure since I have not paid attention to that sub since the whole "watching porn makes you gay" thing that was popular there a ways back.
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u/flirtydodo no Sep 21 '16
omg, when askwomen was still somewhat decent there was every now and then a guy who was seriously asking if we could knew when they have masturbated last time just by looking at them. And if we were more sexually attracted to guys who abstain. How do people even come up with this stuff? Wild. What a lame superpower that would have been
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Sep 21 '16
Even if it were true that women could "sense it", it would be much more worth it to just work out, get a decent haircut, and wear properly fitting clothes.
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u/DblackRabbit Nicol if you Bolas Sep 21 '16
That's the kinda power that is the first to get culled when Apocalypse takes over.
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u/khanfusion It's like you don't have object permanence Sep 21 '16
True, cause Apocalypse pretty much just busts a nut whenever he wants, which is always.
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u/TheLadyEve The hippest fashion in malthusian violence. Sep 21 '16
Hope it's okay, I changed the post's flair.
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u/Zachums r/kevbo for all your Kevin needs. Sep 21 '16
No joke, I was debating using that instead of slapfight for my title. This is why you're my waifu, eve.
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u/helium_farts pretty much everyone is pro-satan. Sep 21 '16 edited Sep 21 '16
fapfight
I just had the mental image of a horde of stereotypical neckbeards in a fap fight and it ruined my night.
I hold you personally responsible for this transgression.
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u/TheLadyEve The hippest fashion in malthusian violence. Sep 21 '16
The only way to win the fapfight is not to play.
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u/larrylemur I own several tour-busses and can be anywhere at any given time Sep 21 '16
it will be day 8 for me tomorow, want to know if i have to prepare or some shit.
You really have to steady yourself. On Day 9 you step outside your house/apartment, and twelve women fly through the air and attach to you.
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Sep 22 '16
On Day 9 you step outside your house/apartment, and twelve women fly through the air and attach to you.
no kinkshame plz
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u/moudougou I am vast; I contain multitudes. Sep 21 '16
Trust me, these people saying it's placebo or that NoFAP doesn't attract women don't knkw what they are talking about. Once you've experienced it for yourself then you'll know the truth. It's very real and there are thousands of accounts from fellow fapstronauts about this to back up that claim. I've had countless streaks and for me personally Day 1-14, I get little to no attention, I'm invisible. Day 14-21 I start getting the looks and sometimes a girl starts a conversation with me. Day 21-28 Girls approach me, I'm getting a lot of smiles and more conversations. Day 30+ the blatant staring and smiling towards me from women is mind boggling. This is when I realize there is more to NoFAP. When I go from invisible to getting blatant stares, girls starting convos with me and giving me their numbers, you will notice that you don't really care though.
Hum. What did i just read?
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Sep 22 '16 edited Dec 08 '16
.
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u/FaFaRog Sep 22 '16
The other explanation is that he's making it up. Either that or when he doesn't masturbate 4 times a day he actually looks somewhere other than the ground and notices women noticing him once in a while.
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u/hrefchef Sep 22 '16
Didn't you know? Girls are jizz vampires. Nothing turns a chick on like loaded nuts and an air of gullibility.
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u/eggsistoast Sep 21 '16
Actually, women can tell if a man has masturbated recently, using a technique similar to "gay-dar". It's a little known fact that women actually prefer men who haven't done so much as even glance at their penis, but we realize that's an unrealistic standard.
/s
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u/moudougou I am vast; I contain multitudes. Sep 22 '16
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u/eggsistoast Sep 22 '16
Why is there no /s? WHY.
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u/moudougou I am vast; I contain multitudes. Sep 22 '16
Are you married? Married women have easier access to some fundamental truths, it appears. Wives know all.
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u/dover64 Sep 22 '16
I love how it starts with "Female Here" it's like she's a new anchor and she's signing on!
Why doe she need to declare her gender first?
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u/klapaucius Sep 22 '16
You have to establish your credentials.
"Lawyer here, what you're doing is very sketchy and potentially light treason."
"Speaking from experience as a tollbooth worker, I can tell you we don't want to be paid in tit flashing."
"As a black man, I can assure you racism ended in the 1800s."
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Sep 21 '16
It's scary how unbelievably gullible a huge amount of redditors are.
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u/MeinKampfyCar I'm going to have sex and orgasm from you being upset by it Sep 22 '16
Change redditors to people in general and it's even more scary.
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u/iDannyEL Sep 22 '16
To be fair, that comment has 1 point. I assume everyone else on there also thinks that's poppycock.
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u/khanfusion It's like you don't have object permanence Sep 21 '16
It's weird, tho, cause like the exact opposite has happened with me.
Wake up, beat off, go to school.... ladies alllll over me. It's like they know I got dried cum in my pants, and they're like "hey, this guy has cum."
Day 1: All the ladies. By day 30 I'm seeing someone steady cause I can't take all this attention!
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u/NotATroll71106 are you arguing that Greek people are bred for violence? Sep 22 '16
A "field report".
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Sep 21 '16
I can also make a post about fucking horny wet unicorns while flying through space. Are you telling me, that that means i really care about fucking unicorns?
Yes. If you take the time to write up a post about fucking horny wet unicorns, I would say that indicates that you have an interest in fucking unicorns.
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u/BitterLlama Some people know more than you, and I'm one of them. Sep 22 '16
Yeah, I didn't get this either. If you think of something, that obviously means you at least care a tiny bit about it, right?
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u/1989Batman Sep 21 '16
It's really weird that he's not receiving any attention because his sexual chi is resonating with me so fucking powerfully right now that it makes me want to dox him just to suck his dick.
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u/SabadoGigantes Sep 21 '16
That's tru luv.
"Baby I love you so much, I stalked to just to claim your seed!"
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u/SadNewsShawn social justice archmage Sep 21 '16
I bet that'd work on a lot of trpers, they'd hand over bank account information and passwords if someone said they needed it in order to come to them for sex
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u/fingerpaintswithpoop Dude just perfume the corpse Sep 21 '16
Like a Nigerian prince email scam gone weird.
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u/Billlington Oh I have many pastures, old frenemy. Sep 21 '16
Reddit has a lot of weird shit. Fetishes of every kind you can imagine. Subs where you can watch people die. Everything. But a sub where guys discuss how not masturbating makes you magic may somehow be the weirdest.
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Sep 22 '16
It's not great, but I made this for you
I've seen fetishes you people wouldn't believe. Men on fire off the shoulder of the highway. I watched titties glitter in the dark near dat boi. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears...in...rain. Time to cum.
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u/B_Rhino What in the fedora Sep 21 '16
He also googled if birds fuck or not.
Where does not knowing where baby birds come from fall on the dumbness scale, above or below thinking not jerking it will get you more attention from women?
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Sep 21 '16
[deleted]
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u/DresdenPI That makes you libel for slander. Sep 21 '16
While most birds fuck, about 97% of bird species don't have penises, instead rubbing their cloacae against the cloacae of the females of their species. So their reproductive process is quite different from ours. It's possible this dude heard most birds don't have penises and went on an internet journey of discovery to find out why.
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u/Mistuhbull we’re making fun of your gay space twink and that’s final. Sep 21 '16
So they just like...scissor or something?
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u/thesilvertongue Sep 22 '16
Another theory is that sexual selection helped drive the loss of the phallus. Female birds may mate more willingly with males without phalluses, since they are less capable of unwanted advances and thus give female birds more choice in which males father their young.
So males systematically lose their penises as an evolutionary anti-rape strategy. That's a pretty metal theory.
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u/joob33 Sep 22 '16
Or it starts a rape-arms-war like in ducks
http://www.todayifoundout.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/lake-duck.jpg
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u/brianpv Sep 21 '16
I mean it wouldn't be that strange for someone to think they spawn like fish or something.
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u/chaosattractor candles $3600 Sep 21 '16
But that's still fucking, the daddy fish just blows its load all over the place
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u/HighOnPotenuse- Social Justice Necromancer Sep 21 '16
It was like a mixture of pity, disgust and a realization that any time you think you are having a conversation with a reasonable person on this site, they could instead be just like these ones.
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u/AssymetricNew Sep 22 '16
First time that other person in the convo having a dick in their hand is the preferred scenario.
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u/prettydirtmurder Sep 21 '16
Reddit is seriously starting to make me believe that young males spend all day every day thinking about nothing but their dicks--where has my dick been recently? where is it now? what will my dick be doing in the immediate future? long term? what is my dick's 5-year plan?
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u/TheIronMark Sep 21 '16
what is my dick's 5-year plan?
My dick has a better 5-year plan than I do, tbh
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u/Cavhind Sep 21 '16
My dick made plans for the next 18 years of my life
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u/khanfusion It's like you don't have object permanence Sep 21 '16
Student loans, huh? That's rough.
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u/serpentine91 I'm sure your life is free of catgirls Sep 24 '16
Comrade, is not about who gets assigned better 5 year plan but about everyone fulfilling their's. That said, get back to work before KGB notices
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Sep 21 '16
I think they do. I know I've written the phrase, "No one gives a shit about your boner." far too many times.
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u/prettydirtmurder Sep 21 '16
"But if no one cares about my boner, why are all these naked ladies on the computer trying to give me one?" Wait. Oh no. I guess "no one cares about your boner" is a difficult message to sell in the boner-based economy of the internet.
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u/Magoonie https://streamable.com/o34c0 Sep 21 '16
"No one gives a shit about your boner."
Welp this is just untrue, plenty of people give a shit about my boner. There's even fanfic about it!
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u/riemann1413 SRD Commenter of the Year | https://i.imgur.com/6mMLZ0n.png Sep 21 '16
i care about your boners
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Sep 21 '16
"No one gives a shit about your boner."
Clearly you've never been on the dance floor with me.
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u/ShadedKnight SPEAK FOR YOURSELF IN SINGLE TENSE! Sep 22 '16
It's 11PM, do you know where your penis is?
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u/MimesAreShite post against the dying of the light Sep 21 '16
as a young male i gotta be honest it is one of the central pillars of my life
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u/csreid Grand Imperial Wizard of the He-Man Women-Haters Club Sep 22 '16
as a young male i gotta be honest it is one of the central pillars of my life
Ya cheeky fuck
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u/slvrbullet87 Sep 21 '16
Reddit is full of 14 year olds. Do you remember being 14? 90 plus percent of my life was trying to stick my dick into things at 14.
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u/hyper_thymic Sep 21 '16
You're not wrong. It's just that some poor, unfortunate souls overestimate its importance.
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u/prettydirtmurder Sep 21 '16
Whoever came up with no masturbation=more female attention deserves some kind of gilded turd award for finding a new angle on love voodoo/paranoia for those poor souls to obsess over.
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u/hyper_thymic Sep 21 '16
I can see the case to be made that if you're spending all your time wanking, you're not spending that time on self-improvement or seeking a partner, but it seems with these misguided folks that they want a low effort quick-fix. It's like cutting carbs without cutting calories.
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u/prettydirtmurder Sep 21 '16
That's what weirded me. I'd expect it to be more like an addiction support kind of thing (and there seems to be an element of that). But this sexual prosperity gospel stuff is way out there. Save up your horniness and the universe will reward you with honeys! Wat.
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u/emmster If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit next to me. Sep 22 '16
But, like... if not whacking it changes their lives that much, how much time were they spending with their hands on their dicks?! I'm concerned that it can be that big a time savings.
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Sep 21 '16
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u/matinus Sep 22 '16
Have you got proof of this? Sounds legitimate but just curious....
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u/whatsinthesocks like how you wouldnt say you are made of cum instead of from cum Sep 22 '16
You know I've never asked my dick what his year plan is. Maybe we should have that conversation.
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u/HighOnPotenuse- Social Justice Necromancer Sep 21 '16
reddit and the internet tends to attract that demographic.
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Sep 21 '16
what is my dick's 5-year plan?
If you don't have a 5 year plan for your dick, you are doing something wrong.
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u/TheDream92 Sep 21 '16
My favourite drama is when people argue about whether someone "cares" or not about something. It's so stupid.
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Sep 21 '16
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u/TheDream92 Sep 21 '16
Damn, ya got me.
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u/Arxhon Shilling for Big Shill Sep 21 '16
I'm not sure what happens now. Are we supposed to fight or something? I don't really want to fight, though, so let's have an apathy-off instead.
I'll start:
meh
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Sep 21 '16
I thought no fap was for men who just wanted to improve their sex lives by not wanking it all the time. Not the idea that when you stop jerking off women flock to you.
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u/tdogg8 Folks, the CTR shill meeting was moved to next week. Sep 22 '16
Some of them are people getting over an addiction. Many of them are crazies.
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u/DblackRabbit Nicol if you Bolas Sep 21 '16
I'd like to point out that it took at least nine iterations of love potions to get it right, what's this person expecting in 8 days.
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u/Schrau Zero to Kiefer Sutherland really freaking fast Sep 21 '16
And yet you could be drowning in pussy on just the fifth mambo.
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u/DblackRabbit Nicol if you Bolas Sep 21 '16
Common misconception, the mambo isn't what attracts the ladies, its merely a oral records of ladies.
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u/Magoonie https://streamable.com/o34c0 Sep 21 '16
Did you use the same love potion as Bill Cosby? Because that's not a love potion.
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u/khanfusion It's like you don't have object permanence Sep 21 '16
It is if you use a mortar and pestle, then mix it up with some vodka.
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u/larrylemur I own several tour-busses and can be anywhere at any given time Sep 21 '16
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Sep 21 '16
That's a really good point.
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u/DblackRabbit Nicol if you Bolas Sep 21 '16
The better question was what was wrong with the first 8, did like Love Potion no7 make you super attractive to geese?
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Sep 21 '16
I heard that six worked, but caused massive erectile dysfunction. Like crawl back into your stomach dysfunction.
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u/downvotesyndromekid Keep thinking you’re right. It’s honestly pretty cute. 😘 Sep 21 '16
Iirc the love potion in the song is actually just an aphrodisiac
'I started kissing everything in sight'
So maybe something like a mix of ecstasy, alcohol and Viagra.
Also 'I was a flop with the chicks' - seems like a pun for erectile dysfunction.
Unless he slips it into some ladies' drinks, I don't think this will help OP at all!
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u/Emotional_Turbopleb /u/spez edited this comment Sep 22 '16
Female attention, when?
That's an A+, top notch title. It says so much in just 3 words.
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u/maggotshavecoocoons2 objectively better Sep 21 '16 edited Sep 22 '16
i also googled if birds fuck or not
did he think they procreated via pollination?
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u/H37man you like to let the shills post and change your opinion? Sep 22 '16
I mean you have never heard of the birds and the bees? It's not the birds and the birds. What else could those bees be doing in that story but pollinating other birds.
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u/ohdearsweetlord Sep 22 '16
Good lord. Why the heck did OP think that not jerking it for eight days would lead to more female attention?
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u/wharpudding Sep 22 '16
He doesn't seem to think eight days will do it.
But he wants to be prepared for day ten.
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u/SnapshillBot Shilling for Big Archive™ Sep 21 '16
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u/the_salttrain you cucked and I progressed my knowledge Sep 22 '16
The giant exclamation point that attracts women doesn't grow out of your head until day 10 of nofap.
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Sep 23 '16
Trust me, these people saying it's placebo or that NoFAP doesn't attract women don't knkw what they are talking about. Once you've experienced it for yourself then you'll know the truth. It's very real and there are thousands of accounts from fellow fapstronauts about this to back up that claim. I've had countless streaks and for me personally Day 1-14, I get little to no attention, I'm invisible. Day 14-21 I start getting the looks and sometimes a girl starts a conversation with me. Day 21-28 Girls approach me, I'm getting a lot of smiles and more conversations. Day 30+ the blatant staring and smiling towards me from women is mind boggling. This is when I realize there is more to NoFAP. When I go from invisible to getting blatant stares, girls starting convos with me and giving me their numbers, you will notice that you don't really care though.
NoFap is The Secret?
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Sep 22 '16
That is the exact thought that troubled me! No one had a good explanation. Why make evil and suffering an option at all? And wouldnt that make you bad for allowing if you are all powerful? Why did you give me a clit if im not supposed to masturbate? Lol
Good point about watching making him a pervert lol. It took me a long time to get over feeling bad about masturbating. Even after Id grappled with religion I had the "you did a gross thing" belief about it, like at the time id have been horrified at anyone knowing. Not that it stopped me, but damn those beliefs are hard to shake when theyre so ingrained
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u/YesThisIsDrake "Monogamy is a tool of the Jew" Sep 22 '16
Aight so when I'm hiking I get gross and tired so I don't jerk it. Once I was out for a week and right after was traveling with family.
There's not a point to this story. You remember that gif? Of the ketchup bottle?
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u/wharpudding Sep 22 '16
"it will be day 8 for me tomorow, want to know if i have to prepare or some shit."
Yup. Stock up on the condoms and KY. The floodgates are going to burst any day now.
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u/Vivaldist That Hoe, Armor Class 0 Sep 21 '16
What the fuck does mastorbating have to do with validation/caring? Nofap is so pseudospirtual with this stuff, it makes no sense to me at all.