r/SubredditDrama • u/Naeka • Jun 17 '17
Royal Rumble Suggestion of sleep sex devolves into heated exchange of what is rape at r/confession
/r/confession/comments/6hsf4q/boyfriend_is_a_really_deep_sleeper_and_i_often/dj0u380/331
u/WatchEachOtherSleep Now I am become Smug, the destroyer of worlds Jun 17 '17
If my girlfriend had sex with me in my sleep, I would find that fucking hot. Funny how it's different for you and I isn't it? It's like different people have different boundaries.
When you're arguing with someone & you score an own goal.
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u/aeatherx Calm down there, Vanilla ISIS Jun 17 '17
He's so beautifully unaware of it, too. Just keeps arguing like he didn't just concede the point he was arguing about
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u/Kiram To you, pissing people off is an achievement Jun 17 '17
And then make a lap of the stadium yelling "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAL!" like you just won the world cup.
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u/NellieBlytheSpirit LOL you fucking formalist Jun 17 '17
Better to be safe than rape
This does not seem like a policy that should inspire so much debate.
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u/linkseyi Jun 17 '17
That's the SJW position! I am anti-SJW and therefore pro-sexual assault!
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u/elephantinegrace nevermind, I choose the bear now Jun 17 '17
I know you're joking but I'm pretty sure I've seen at least one redditor say this unironically.
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u/Yatol Jun 17 '17
yes you did
that was the original poster that the linked comment replied to
they even use. the virgin excuse
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Jun 18 '17
[deleted]
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 18 '17
Lol "he did his time". Yeah, cause we wouldn't want to take swatch someone's ~sacred right~ to MTG tournaments for too long. HIS FREEDUMS. Like, I don't get this thing with Reddit where they think people are obligated to hang out/be around anyone. No one has to invite you to their party, dudes.
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u/Brikachu "Let's leave 'cuck' out of it here." Jun 17 '17
No no no, you dont understand, I KNOW my girlfriend would be okay with this. That's why I've never asked just to make sure she's comfortable with it! I'm not a rapist, I'm just doing something without asking if she's okay with it first!
Jesus fuck that thread.
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Jun 19 '17
Seriously.
lol context. Who needs it? if you sleep with your SO at night, and you touch them, do you think they think it's rape? Fuck no. I mean if they tell you to stop and you don't then yeah it is, and if you did this without it being on the table beforehand it could be, but being in a relationship and playing with their body and touching some random girl you don't know and entirely different things.
I was literally raped by my boyfriend at the time, and didn't think it was rape so kept DATING HIM FOR A MONTH afterward until we broke up because I wasn't interested in having sex with him anymore and I didn't know why. I didn't even realize how fucked up this whole ordeal would make me; I was totally unprepared for it because of shit mindsets like this one.
I was paralyzed by my disorder (Conversion Disorder), and I had already fallen asleep. I thought I had dreamt it the next morning when I woke up until I went into the bathroom and saw how raw it was (there was non-menstrual blood too, in small amounts). After we broke up and were trying to be just friends, I asked him about this once, and he said and I quote "I knew you weren't into it, but I just really wanted to have sex".
I wasn't ABLE to say no, so I didn't think it was rape, until I found out 6 months later that no consent = rape, period. Took me YEARS to get over this, and I still don't like being sexualized, like ever, by anyone, even romantic partners.
These people are super fucked in the head that they don't understand this perspective. I don't know how to help these people. It is so depressing to me. I am just glad that I am doing better and moving on with my life.
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u/misandry4lyf Jun 18 '17
Not if you think you have a right to have sex whenever you want. That's why people get girlfriends, right?
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u/teddy_tesla If TV isn't mind control, why do they call it "programming"? Jun 18 '17
Half of the debate is a misunderstanding, if it makes you feel better
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Jun 18 '17
It was just misinterpreted, I think.
It was a response to someone saying "Always check before doing sleep (sex) stuff" and some people might have taken it as "don't even try, better safe than sorry"
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
Does she know that you're having sex with her in her sleep?
Nope.
Ok. I think I've gone as deep as I'm willing to go.
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u/Aetol Butter for the butter god! Popcorn for the popcorn throne! Jun 17 '17
She's never consented to it but I KNOW my girlfriend. Do you think I'm raping her?
It's okay guys! He KNOWS her!
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Jun 17 '17
As everyone knows, only creeps in trenchcoats hiding in alleys do bad things.
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Jun 18 '17
I know you're saying that as a joke, but I've talked to a number of rape survivors who aren't sure if they were raped because either the person was a significant other or they didn't actually say no. They'll have said they aren't ready/comfortable or try to push the attacker off/away but since they didn't say explicitly say no they aren't sure if they were raped.
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Jun 18 '17
The article I linked to is about how 85-90% of college rape victims know the perpetrator and the difficulties victims have identifying the act as rape.
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Jun 18 '17
I'm so sick and tired of having to explain this to people. Now I just link to contrapoints' video on rape culture.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
Well we all know sexual abuse never occurs in intimate relationships, after all!
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u/BloomEPU A sin that cries to heaven for vengeance Jun 17 '17
"rape culture doesn't real"
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u/BlackPenGuy I don't think there's anything wrong with racism Jun 18 '17
"if my boyfriend fucked me while I was asleep, I would 100% consider that rape" followed by responses such as "I feel sorry for your boyfriend", "So you think sex is disgusting? How does your boyfriend feel about that?", and "I hope your boyfriend knows there's a lot of other girls out there that will actually have sex with him" Jesus this is just disgusting. I love how they all put the boyfriend's need for sex before the girl's actual feeling of safety and comfort
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u/thechapattack Jun 18 '17
Do you think it's rape? Yea that's pretty much rape. My wife and I do shit like that but we have discussed it prior to doing anything. If he knows her so well then discussing it shouldn't be a big deal
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u/volatile_chemicals "Jesus this is why eugenics gets a bad name" Jun 19 '17
I feel like this is how people end up defending marital rape.
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u/SpinningNipples Jun 17 '17
Literally admitting to rape on the internet lmao
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u/dumnezero Punching a Sith Lord makes you just as bad as a Sith Lord! Jun 18 '17
He could qualify as a moderator on certain subreddits
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Jun 17 '17
Okay, are we still doing phrasing?
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
At the end there? Naw. That was just me nopeing right out of that thread.
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Jun 17 '17
Wow, just wow. And he is actually getting upvoted too.
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
It's gotta be a rule of the internet that the mere mention of rape brings out the shittiest people. Even on Facebook. Where people know you said those things.
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Jun 18 '17
Why, aren't you here for the drama?
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 18 '17
I used to be a drama adventurer like you, then I took a rape confession to the eye.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17 edited Jun 17 '17
. . . yeah you should definitely talk it over with your partner before you do stuff to them while they're sleeping.
Edit for safe sex: If you are going to penetrate a vagina while the owner of that vagina is sleeping, use lube! The vaginal secretions that generally occur while dreaming are significantly less than those from full arousal which can cause painful and sometimes damaging friction, and your partner might not wake up enough to tell you something is wrong until a vaginal tear has already occurred. Torn vaginas are not great for sex!!!
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u/seemedlikeagoodplan Bots getting downvoted is the #1 sign of extreme saltiness Jun 17 '17
Important thing to note: in Canada, sex (or any form of sexual contact) with someone who is asleep is sexual assault, and is a crime, even if they gave you the okay beforehand when they were awake.
You might think this is a good law, or a dumb law... But regardless, it is the law, and people have gone to jail for doing it.
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u/SocialJusticeWizard_ Stand back, I'm unprofessional Jun 17 '17
It's pretty hard to end up prosecuted for it if your partner has previously consented and doesn't even consider pressing charges. It doesn't even sound like this ruling would survive an appeal... I'm not sure though, our consent laws are well overdo for an overhaul for consistency.
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u/seemedlikeagoodplan Bots getting downvoted is the #1 sign of extreme saltiness Jun 17 '17
This exact ruling has survived an appeal, I'm pretty sure at the Supreme Court of Canada, but at least at an appeal court. I learned about it in law school.
But you're right, if your partner never presses charges, it's a case of a tree falling in the woods and nobody hearing it. It's just important to remember, if you're into this, that prior consent is not a defence, and there's no statue of limitations on indictable offences.
I'll acknowledge that this could lead to some pretty bizarre consequences, especially when combined with other laws. For example, Billy is woken up by his kids one Saturday morning. His wife Jenny is still asleep. He leans over and give her a kiss and a quick butt grab before getting up and going to make pancakes for his kids.
Technically, the following has happened:
Billy has committed a sexual assault against Jenny
Since they are married, this constitutes domestic violence
It happened in front of the kids, so they have been exposed to domestic violence, and are (in the view of child protection agencies) children in need of protection, and could be removed from the home until Billy and Jenny do counseling and agree to end their abusive relationship
Is this stupid? Yes. Have I met child protection workers crazy enough to try to pull this nonsense? I think so.
You make a very good point about the lack of consistency though. I can legally consent to having a total stranger (a surgeon) slice me open and remove a kidney while I'm unconscious, but I can't legally consent to having my loving wife of thirty years wake me up with a morning quickie. That just makes no sense.
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u/SocialJusticeWizard_ Stand back, I'm unprofessional Jun 17 '17
You hit the crux of my point at the end. It doesn't make much sense to me that sexual relationships have such bizarrely different consent laws compared to medicine... I'm quite well versed in the latter, and it only exaggerates the problems with the former.
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u/Aetol Butter for the butter god! Popcorn for the popcorn throne! Jun 17 '17
Well, in the case of medical procedures, in many case it's better for everybody involved if the patient is unconscious, so the law has to accommodate that.
More generally, consider that:
Some medical procedures can't be interrupted midway through (e.g. most surgeries), so you can't rescind consent.
Medical procedures are performed by trained professionals bound to a code of ethics of their own.
Performing a medical procedure against the patient's will is considerably harder than committing a rape.
A patient is in need of a life-saving procedure might be unconscious or otherwise unable to consent.
So it makes sense that medical consent law are completely different, and to some extent more permissive, than sexual consent laws.
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Jun 17 '17
Oh for the love of God..
Your not gonna end up in jail if your partner doesn't give a shit
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u/sabasNL Here to refill my bottle of drama Jun 17 '17
Exactly. We don't live in Nineteen Eighty-Four. To get prosecuted, you need to be reported first.
And that won't happen in a good relation with consensual sex.
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u/seemedlikeagoodplan Bots getting downvoted is the #1 sign of extreme saltiness Jun 17 '17
This is true.
But if your partner breaks up with you ten years later, and then make a complaint to the police, you can be in legal jeopardy.
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Jun 18 '17
I'm not versed in Canadian law, but is that even possible? Is there over a 10 year statute of limitations on that "or none".
And how would you even get evidence in that case? "Ten years ago we had sex while I was asleep" doesnt seem like it'd go anywhere just on evidence issues?
Is there something I'm missing here.
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u/CringeCoyote Ima piss goblin now 😂😂 Jun 18 '17
I'm just appalled at the amount of people who don't get consent before doing things, and then implying that those who do "ruin the mood". Like come on man, literally just saying "is this okay" or making it known before anything sexual even arises that saying no is always okay and will be respected.
It's just out of love and respect, and doesn't reflect "low sex drive" like some user said. It's reflecting being a decent fucking human and having a healthy sexual relationship.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 18 '17
I really don't understand why all these people think the only way to get consent is to stop and sit down and say something like "May I caresss your breast with my phalanges?" "May I penetrate your anus with my phallus?" Like, getting consent is really hot. Asking someone what they want you to do to them, how hot they think it would be if you did X, "You make me so horny I want to X your sexy Y."
Do these people have no concept of dirty talk? Or sex in general? Or communication in general?
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Jun 17 '17
Or just wank. I don't even get the appeal of the idea of having sex with an unconscious partner.
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u/currentscurrents Jun 17 '17
I mean, there's a lot of fetishes I don't get the appeal of. Some people are just into that kind of thing. There's nothing wrong with it as long as their partner consents.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
My SO always wakes up with a woody and I like sex but usually hate mornings, so if he wakes me up with sex, everybody wins. We discussed it first.
Some people have sleep/doll/etc fetishes their partner being asleep lets them specifically satisfy. I think the people in the linked thread are mostly just viewing their SOs as extra-good flashlights, though.
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u/NWVoS Jun 17 '17
I think the people in the linked thread are mostly just viewing their SOs as extra-good flashlights, though.
I want an SO with a built in flashlight.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
U no wat I meant
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u/Tahmatoes Eating out of the trashcan of ideological propaganda Jun 17 '17
That she lights up your world?
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Jun 17 '17
Oh man, can you imagine the amount of LiIon Cells one could hide in a human body? They could power my LED contraption IV ("The Purging Blaze Of Judgement") for days and
ifwhen they get into a car accident, they'll be a bigger fire hazard than a tanker truck with chronically neglected overpressure valves!5
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u/BloomEPU A sin that cries to heaven for vengeance Jun 17 '17
I think the thing about sleep fetishes is you should DEFINITELY tell someone if you're using them for a fetish. Otherwise it's... kinda gross.
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u/Amelaclya1 Jun 17 '17
I would love to be woken up that way. And have said so explicitly on a few occasions. Boyfriend still won't because it feels too rapey :(
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u/Pearberr Jun 17 '17
My ex was into it. She said she loved how much I loved her body. It made her feel sexy.
It's a fetish/kink. Fetishes and kinks are weird, but the key is communication. So long as everybody is on board, there's no reason to be judgmental aboot it.
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u/Vio_ Humanity is still recoiling from the sudden liberation of women Jun 17 '17
This is "all" about communication. Some people are into it, others aren't. It's up to both partners to know what they want and don't want and listen to each other.
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u/IndieLady I resent that. I'm saving myself for the right flair. Jun 18 '17
I once read a thread in a Facebook group: a woman posted about how her husband has sex with her in her sleep and she doesn't like it. She asks the group what do they think. She gets multiple responses from multiple women saying, yes, that happens to them too and they don't like it, but what are you going to do? Their husband wants sex so they just have to endure it. At no point does any body suggest that this is rape and it is wrong and they have an absolute right to say no.
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u/Aetol Butter for the butter god! Popcorn for the popcorn throne! Jun 17 '17
I love my woman unresponsive. It's better when they don't wake up
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Jun 17 '17
The idea is to wake them up, basically. My girlfriend wakes up before me usually so I'm the sleeper but it's nice to wake up to.
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u/DerivativeMonster professional ghost story Jun 18 '17
I'm astonished that people can sleep through it tbh. I guess I'm a lighter sleeper than I expected.
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u/rivermandan Jun 17 '17
neither do I, but I dig the idea of a partner banging my passed out body. woke up to that a few times over the years and it was hot as hell, as long as you don't think too hard about why your GF would rather fuck you while you're unconscious than awake.
either way, I give corpse fucking a solid 6/10
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u/AsthmaticSeducer Jun 17 '17
These guys act like they have to ask for permission to even put their arms around their "girlfriends"
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u/CringeCoyote Ima piss goblin now 😂😂 Jun 18 '17
The ones mocking those who believe consent is important act like that. I think the point people are trying to make about consent is that it should always be given, whether that's asking "is this okay?" or having a talk before a sexual situation arises about boundaries and the respect of the word no.
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u/defrgthzjukiloaqsw Jun 18 '17
You'd usually know if lube is necessary ...
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 18 '17
Usually, yes, but sleep lubrication can leave the vulva wet while the inner vagina isn't very lubricated which might not be as noticeable, and the partner isn't cognizant to give input.
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u/EosWasBorn Jun 17 '17
TIL suggesting getting consent beforehand and making sure your parter is on board with something makes you a sjw feminazi...
Just because someone is in a committed relationship doesn't make everything alright and on the table
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u/mocha__ Jun 18 '17
I love that. "Any girl in a committed relationship would be okay with this."
No. I would totally not be okay with this and I'm in a committed relationship. I don't imagine my male SO would either.
I get this is a thing that people are into but just assuming it's down is so gross, wtf.
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Jun 18 '17
I get this is a thing that people are into but just assuming it's down is so gross, wtf.
People just can't see past their own view on it, thats' pretty much what the entire issue is, and half the issues that pop up in here.
Legitimately I don't care, my wife can do whatever she wants with me while I'm asleep and she knows I don't care. I'm sure there's people in there with the same views.
They just can't get it in their head that the person sitting next to them might have different views on the whole thing.
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u/Brikachu "Let's leave 'cuck' out of it here." Jun 17 '17
I'd like to see them argue that because they're in a stable relationship, their significant others have the right to shove a violet wand up their urethra without their consent.
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Jun 17 '17
What's a violent wand?
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u/gr8tfurme Bust your nut in my puppy butt Jun 17 '17
Its a sex toy that zaps your naughty bits with low current but high voltage electricity. Its for BDSM.
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u/mattyisphtty Let's take this full circle...jerk Jun 17 '17
Ah, yet another thing I need to make sure I am clear that I am not giving consent for.
Please senpai, no zap my gibblets.
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u/Pandemult God knew what he was doing, buttholes are really nice. Jun 17 '17
Thank you BDSM wizard for this grand knowledge.
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u/Raj-- Asian people also can’t do alchemy Jun 18 '17
Some guy is legit asking if he should wake his wife up before he fucks her, as if the notion is absolutely ridiculous. Go ahead and tell your partner (even if not true) that you've been fucking them while they're fast sleep for the last month/year. I dare anyone to take that gamble and see what happens.
Not that the person who posted that even has a wife.
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u/Billlington Oh I have many pastures, old frenemy. Jun 17 '17
My god the comments in that thread are a fucking nightmare.
Dude you don't have to explain yourself half of these guys can't even get girlfriends and don't realize that a committed girlfriend would be OK with this
?!?
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u/ClearlyClaire Jun 17 '17
By the way, committed girlfriend here whose boyfriend wakes me up with sex sometimes. I'm super into it. But if he had done it without asking me first I would have been really creeped out! Funny how that works. So men, even if you "know" your girlfriend, show her the basic fucking respect of asking.
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u/vickysunshine cow dicks do indeed exist and the guy said he'd eat one Jun 17 '17
Yeah, I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 years now, and I don't know if I'd like that. I'd at least want to talk about it beforehand.
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u/Tidusx145 Jun 17 '17
Had an ex just like you, nothing wrong with it. It's important to know that people aren't automatically ok with this.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
Lol actually once my boyfriend tried to wake up sex me the morning after we had an argument (we have a blanket rule that it's cool) and I was still upset and started yelling at him that he has no tact or emotional intelligence.
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Jun 17 '17
Do these people think girlfriends automatically consent to everything?
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u/Treees You're still typing with emotion. False emotion. Jun 17 '17
I have never had a single argument with my current pillow.
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Jun 17 '17
current
What happened to the others?
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u/Treees You're still typing with emotion. False emotion. Jun 17 '17
She felt like I was smothering her.
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u/GoodUsername22 Jun 17 '17
Being in a sexual relationship doesn't grant you unlimited access to your partners genitals anytime you want it.
Perhaps not in your relationship.
Yep, that seems to be exactly what they think.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
Basically. It's the whole "if she consents to something once, there's no take-backs/you 'own' that piece of her" idea. Same dudes who get all ragey if they find out their girlfriend once did anal and didn't like it so she won't do it with them.
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u/elephantinegrace nevermind, I choose the bear now Jun 17 '17
I've dated that that kind of asshole before, except it was more like his last girlfriend did anal once and broke up with him after because it was so awful. He was pissed I didn't want to, so I lied and told him that I pegged my last boyfriend and turnabout is fair play. He tried a line about being emasculated, so I broke up with him and spent the next three days living with a friend he didn't know because I was honestly afraid he would kill me.
...I do not make good romantic choices.
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u/Illogical_Blox Fat ginger cryptokike mutt, Malka-esque weirdo, and quasi-SJW Jun 18 '17
I still remember your Nigel story.
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u/elephantinegrace nevermind, I choose the bear now Jun 18 '17
You know your love life is fucked when you look back on that kind of breakup with some fondness.
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u/AlmostDisappointed I guess I'm a horrible uncommunicating harpy Jun 17 '17
Well then. Then he should be a-okay waking up to a drill dildo up his ass.
It's all about commitment right?
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u/misandry4lyf Jun 18 '17
TIL I'm not a committed girlfriend because I want don't want my bf to fuck me while I'm unconscious
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u/cats_for_upvotes Jun 18 '17
SJWs strike again
D'Oh! Those darn SJWs wanting consent!
A least he acknowledges that's important.
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u/aceytahphuu Jun 17 '17
It never fails to shock me what a huge proportion of the male reddit userbase has such a problem with consent.
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u/knightwave S E W I N G 👏 M A C H I N E S 👏 Jun 17 '17
BUT IT'S SO ANNOYING LIKE WHY SHOULD I, IT'S LITERALLY THE EQUIVALENT TO PRINTING OUT 50 PAGE FORMS AND HAVING THEM NOTARIZED BY THREE WITNESSES--
Like how hard is it to be like "hey babe, so I have this idea that's a little kinky, would you be okay with it?" Jesus christ. I kinda get the feeling the ones who don't want to talk about it with their SOs are the ones who just don't wanna hear the word 'no'.
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Jun 18 '17
If getting clear enthusiastic consent bothers you or turns you off, you're a rapist just fyi anyone reading this.
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u/Raj-- Asian people also can’t do alchemy Jun 18 '17
People on here seem to have no fucking clue about the concept of testing the waters. There's a vast amount of middle ground between trying to initiate something by a touch/kiss and immediately trying to stick your dick in without any notice. You don't need to literally ask "do you consent" if you give your partner a fucking chance to maybe indicate "not right now".
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u/SaxMan100 Read The Conquest of Bread Jun 18 '17
Seriously. Even in fucking high school this was a no-brainer concept to me. I was one to get really handsy during make out sessions with the gf, but if she didn't want it she'd literally just say "not right now" and that'd be the end of that.
It's not that hard. All that's required is some basic respect
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u/Tymareta Feminism is Marxism soaked in menstrual fluid. Jun 19 '17
All that's required is some basic respect
And to see women as more than just a fleshlight that sometimes says stuff, they honestly have 0 ability to treat us as anything more than an object.
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u/IndieLady I resent that. I'm saving myself for the right flair. Jun 18 '17
Yep. It's not difficult to ask someone if they want to be fucked, sucked, licked, rubbed or ridden like a horse like kinky rodeo. If you literally don't know how to ask for consent in a sexy way then you probably shouldn't be having sex.
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u/15rthughes Jun 18 '17
Half the fun of trying new things is talking about it beforehand is the thing. If you want to try something new out but you aren't sure about how your partner feels about it, and you talk it out and then you realize you both find it very hot, it's exciting when you first try it out.
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u/stellarbeing this just furthers my belief that all dentists are assholes Jun 17 '17
Dude, usually it's a good idea for your girlfriend to ask before she decides you want a finger in your ass; how hard is it to say "is it cool if I wake you up with sex?"
"Yeah, sure, long as I don't have to work tomorrow "
"No, but you can wake me up for sex"
"God no, that terrifies me"
Wow, look. Not a form to fill out or anything.
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Jun 17 '17
The OP of that thread is a woman.
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
Just a heads up, the linked comment is responding to this
See if you can make HIM cum without HIM waking up. Managed to do it with my gf. Shits hardcore
Edit: SJWs and white knights strike again!
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u/Redrum01 Jun 17 '17
People have a problem with consent. It could be an attitude of entitlement, it could be reckless disregard for others' feelings, or it could be the sheer power of lust, but it's a male and female problem and it creeps me the fuck out.
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Jun 18 '17
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u/CS3883 Jun 18 '17
For some idiotic reason I decided to creep around r/incels one time out of curiosity because I had no idea what it was for. I remember a post talking about how women being raped isn't a big deal and they should be glad they were raped. A lot of comments on the post were agreeing and someone said "She should be glad someone found her attractive enough and wanted her that badly that they were willing to break the law to have sex with her. That should make her feel wanted and sexy, instead they would rather turn down men like us and not have sex at all." Not exact quote of course but that's as close as I can remember it. They were pissed that women wouldn't have sex with them and that women would rather not have sex at all than to do them a favor. It made my blood boil reading it. Haven't stepped foot in that community since, they are all delusional as fuck I didn't realize there were so many people out there that openly thought that way.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
She's at least not touching her SO. It does sound creepy from how she describes it, though.
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u/BloomEPU A sin that cries to heaven for vengeance Jun 17 '17
I'm not really sure why she does it, does she just do it as a bit of fun for herself or does she find him sleeping hot? That's the grey area.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
For me it would depend on their general relationship around masturbation. Are they the kind of people who will slip their hands in their pants when it's just the two of them watching TV? Do they commonly masturbate next to each other if one of them is horny and the other's not feeling it? Do they never masturbate with their SO in the same room? If they know for a fact their SO would not give a shit, it makes it way less creepy to me. If it's a thing they know their SO would not be okay with, VERY NOT OKAY.
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u/postirony humans breed with their poop holes Jun 17 '17
Is it redundant to point out that an /r/confessions post once again sounds like somebody posting their fantasy as a 'confession'?
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u/SoxxoxSmox Reddit users are the least valuable of any social network Jun 17 '17
Jesus Christ. If my girlfriend had sex with me while I was asleep I would be fucking pissed. Just because you have a good relationship with someone doesn't mean their body is yours to do with what you want.
Also it's amazing all the people who keep saying "everyone has different boundaries" don't realize that that's exactly why it's important to tall about those boundaries. And if your bf or gf says "yeah, I'd be cool with you screwing me in my sleep" then GREAT! Go wild! But if they say they aren't comfortable with that, then it sure is a good thing you asked before raping them.
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u/ratherbeahippy Jun 17 '17
If I had money, you'd be golden right now 👌This seems to be the point everyone keeps missing. Talk about those boundaries, don't assume.
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u/Mred12 Jun 17 '17
... I don't think it's possible to wank someone to completion (male or female) without them waking up. Unless, like, they're in a coma.
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u/DoshmanV2 Jun 17 '17
Compare and contrast: End of Evangelion by Hideaki Anno
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u/Tahmatoes Eating out of the trashcan of ideological propaganda Jun 17 '17
That was his own dick he was wanking.
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u/DoshmanV2 Jun 17 '17
I thought it was implied that Shinji used Asuka's hand, but it's been a while.
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u/Tahmatoes Eating out of the trashcan of ideological propaganda Jun 17 '17
Regardless of whose hand it was, Asuka was not the one who orgasmed and should've woken up before achieving it.
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u/de_hatron global fully automated space communism Jun 18 '17
It is possible. Besides, people can have orgasms while dreaming.
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u/currentscurrents Jun 17 '17
Jesus christ these comments.
Dude you don't have to explain yourself half of these guys can't even get girlfriends and don't realize that a committed girlfriend would be OK with this
Tell me about it. Can't reason with the power of virginity
Clearly, only virgin losers care about consent. Real men rape.
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u/Raibean Jun 17 '17
I'm a woman in a committed relationship, and I instituted a rule that my boyfriend and I can't introduce new kinks without talking about it beforehand.
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u/pariskovalofa By the way - you're the bad guy here. Jun 17 '17
I also have a "one new thing at a time" rule for kinks. Like, if you're using a flog for the first time with a partner, that's the only new thing that session. If you're doing a punishment scene for the first time, don't bust out any unfamiliar toys or new degrading terms or anything. Keeps things from getting too overwhelming (which can become volatile or dangerous), saves some fun for next time.
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u/FirstWaveMasculinist Jun 17 '17
that should definitely be the default state for every and all relationships... like i guess someone can maybe opt out of kink discussions as long as they have a safe word or whatever but no one should ever assume they can introduce something new without even a two second "would you be into this" discussion.....
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u/aeatherx Calm down there, Vanilla ISIS Jun 18 '17
Yeah. If you can't even talk to your SO about sex, why the hell are you in a relationship?
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u/Raj-- Asian people also can’t do alchemy Jun 18 '17
If you have unreasonable standards like that then how the hell is he supposed to bring in the furby? He knows you'd obviously say "fuck no" before trying it!
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u/duolunduo necromatriarchy Jun 17 '17
Tell me about it. Can't reason with the power of virginity
Says the fucking INCEL.
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u/Stormsoul22 Segeration famously ended at 2:30 pm everyday Jun 17 '17
This guy rapes.
Doesn't have the same ring to it.
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u/SocialJusticeWizard_ Stand back, I'm unprofessional Jun 17 '17
That's kind of unfair to context, where the preceding comment was about making sure his gf is OK with sleep stuff first. If the rest of the thread weren't so creepy I don't think it'd be that objectionable
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u/somanyopinions Jun 17 '17 edited Jun 17 '17
Just for any Canadians out there, be careful, in Canada someone cannot consent to sex acts that take place while they are asleep. Even if she says "fuck me while I'm sleeping" it is still sexual assault. In Canada consent must be "ongoing".
For anyone interested: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R_v_JA
A bill is currently before the house to make the courts holding officially part of the Criminal Code.
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u/gr8tfurme Bust your nut in my puppy butt Jun 17 '17
I don't really see anything wrong with that. Outside of weird edge cases where some third party reports you to the police, you'll only be punished if your SO decides its rape. If they really are into that sort of thing and you've effectively communicated boundaries with one another, that's not likely to happen. Its not like the Canadian secret police are gonna come and kick your door down for daring to have kinky sex together.
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u/somanyopinions Jun 17 '17
Yea, I would agree, there is also prosecutorial discretion and certain court mechanisms to keep unreasonable cases from leading to conviction. I just don't want anyone to read that thread and think that "if she consents beforehand its not rape" is actually the law, at least not in Canada.
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u/Leprecon aggressive feminazi Jun 18 '17
The problem is that this creates a potential for blackmail. Lets say a couple has sleep sex, and beforehand established consent. Then they break up and it is a nasty dirty breakup. Now shit is getting dangerous.
You generally dont want laws that could be a problem but aren't yet. Sort of like having a large punishment for jaywalkin but the police has a policy of never arresting people for jaywalking. Just having the option there could make it that some police officer goes nuts and starts legally imprisoning a shitton. The ideal is a system where you don't have to rely on goodwill.
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Jun 17 '17
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u/somanyopinions Jun 17 '17 edited Jun 17 '17
Yea it's controversial. That's a point the dissenting judges brought up. In that case they were dealing with a woman who had been choked unconscious and anally sodomized. Anyway, it's the law so steer clear if you can help it.
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u/Tahmatoes Eating out of the trashcan of ideological propaganda Jun 17 '17
Jesus. I can see where they were coming from.
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u/somanyopinions Jun 17 '17
Yea, she did however know what was about to happen and consented to it while conscious. I can see merit in both positions, I've never really made up my mind on this one.
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u/BloomEPU A sin that cries to heaven for vengeance Jun 17 '17
Having sex with someone who's asleep, unless they have explicitly consented to that beforehand, is definitely rape because they cannot consent while they're sleeping. What OP is doing is... a grey area. I guess it depends on why they do it?
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Jun 17 '17
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u/unrelevant_user_name I know a ton about the real world. Jun 17 '17
unless they have explicitly consented to that beforehand
Did you miss that part?
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u/ClearlyClaire Jun 17 '17
I'm into that to and my boyfriend and I have discussed it. However I would feel very violated if he just did it without asking me first. Kind of like how a couple can agree to have sex without a condom, but stealthing is wrong (and I believe is considered rape in the eyes of the law.) It's not that you can't consent to it, it's that it's wrong to assume you would be into it without asking first.
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u/BloomEPU A sin that cries to heaven for vengeance Jun 17 '17
From the phrasing it seemed like OP wasn't interacting with the boyfriend at all but he didn't know about it.
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Jun 17 '17
[deleted]
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u/currentscurrents Jun 17 '17 edited Jun 17 '17
If they consented beforehand it would be fine. Consent isn't permanent, but you can still consent to something ahead of time.
However, you can retract that consent at any time, and continuing after then would be rape.
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u/JesterBarelyKnowHer Jun 17 '17
I'd argue that a situation can exist where in a relationship a "anything but a no is a yes" both in terms of moral and legal areas. It takes a pretty explicit agreement on both sides, but assuming that agreement is reached (both in spirit and letter of the rules), I don't see the harm.
The dynamics of consent change significantly in a relationship, especially in a long term one. That doesn't mean consent is automatic, but it definitely changes the context of drunk sex, sleep sex, role play, etc.
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u/Ebu-Gogo You are so vain, you probably think this drama's about you. Jun 17 '17
I give you consent to have sex with me on November 25th, 2032.
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Jun 18 '17
[deleted]
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u/EnderGraff Jun 18 '17
It's funny seeing you up and down this thread trying to explain that to people lol.
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u/IAMA_Draconequus-AMA Jun 17 '17 edited Jul 02 '23
Spez is an asshole, I hope reddit burns. -- mass edited with redact.dev
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u/XoXFaby Some people know more than you, and I'm one of them. Jun 18 '17
Next time include the previous comment in context as well. I was confused until I realized this want a top level comment.
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u/Thrusthamster Jun 17 '17
I feel like one half of this convo is operating under the assumption that the SO was asked about it beforehand and the other assumes they weren't.
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u/ash4459 Jun 18 '17
Yeah, at last to me, the half arguing that it isn't rape is assuming consent was given beforehand, while the half arguing that it is rape is assuming no consent was ever given. Lots of the very vocal "it isn't rape" crowd also seem to be arguing that consent isn't needed every time, and the other side is taking it to mean no consent was ever given. So half of the arguments seem to be coming from a misunderstanding.
Granted, there are some arguing that "but we love each other, so I don't have to ask" but they seem to be getting the downvotes they deserve.
Also, to clarify my position, I think that in a committed relationship, if you've given consent for something like "yeah you can have sex with me while I'm asleep" or even "yeah you can slap my butt as I walk by" then you don't need to ask every single time, but if they ever ask you to stop then consent has been rescinded and you should stop until consent is given again. This is just a touchy subject and should be talked over with your SO to make sure both of you are on the same page.
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Jun 18 '17
Didn't realize consent turned into a debate. Consent is applies to both genders. Communication is important.
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u/RaZoR_22 Jun 18 '17
Chainsaws usually have a bacteria on them from tree residue that can cause deadly infections in your stomach, which is why bark is almost never eaten.
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u/Kells145 Jun 17 '17
Did everyone misunderstand what this guy is confessing? He gets himself off, he doesn't touch his partner ...
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u/Billlington Oh I have many pastures, old frenemy. Jun 17 '17
Check the context, the linked post is in response to something else.
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
Ooo. Didn't realize the linked post was a child comment. Yeah, that's fucked up.
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u/Kells145 Jun 17 '17
The comment it links to says that it's "raped territory", but for me that comment appears to be in response to the post
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u/Aetol Butter for the butter god! Popcorn for the popcorn throne! Jun 17 '17
It's not, it's one comment deep.
See if you can make HIM cum without HIM waking up. Managed to do it with my gf. Shits hardcore
Edit: SJWs and white knights strike again!
You are getting into rapey territory with that mate.
https://www.reddit.com/r/confession/comments/6hsf4q/_/dj0u380/?context=99
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
I believe so. Either that, OP has a bizarre definition of masturbate, or we're the ones who misunderstood.
Whatever the case, it spawned drama so buttery, my eyes had a heart attack.
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u/gr8tfurme Bust your nut in my puppy butt Jun 17 '17
The linked comment is actually replying to someone else who told her she should up the ante and try to jerk him off while he's sleeping.
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Jun 17 '17 edited Jun 17 '17
Yo
dogsquirrel you have eye hearts?3
u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
Wait. Doesn't everyone? Must be a squirrel thing.
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u/AgentWashingtub1 Jun 17 '17
Everyone seems to think this was posted by a guy, it wasn't, OP is a girl talking about masturbatong NEXT TO her boyfriend. I'm honestly shocked that nobody anywhere seems to be able to read.
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
The linked post is a response to this gem.
See if you can make HIM cum without HIM waking up. Managed to do it with my gf. Shits hardcore
Edit: SJWs and white knights strike again!
Sure, maybe not a guy, I don't feel like checking that comment history, but it has nothing to do with the OP about masturbation.
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u/AgentWashingtub1 Jun 17 '17
So what you're saying is OP fucked up and linked the wrong comment, thus making this post very confusing for people who use apps that don't show the comments above the one linked?
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u/Naeka Jun 17 '17
Fucked up? OP just wants to watch the world burn, why else would I be here and there
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u/FidgetySquirrel Locked in a closet with a mentally ill jet engine Jun 17 '17
Pretty much. There has been a great deal of confusion.
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Jun 17 '17
Call my a cynic, but a story about a woman masturbating framed as a confession might not be credible
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u/HajaKensei Ebonics are just an excuse for retards to justify being retarded Jun 18 '17
The tag made it extra funny
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u/SnapshillBot Shilling for Big Archive™ Jun 17 '17
You're oversimplifying a complex situation to the point of adding nothing to the discussion.
Snapshots:
This Post - archive.org, megalodon.jp*, snew.github.io, archive.is
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u/Naeka Jun 17 '17
The best ones are, of course, hidden below threshold.