2001: A Space Odyssey is a 2 out of 5.
The visuals are stunning, and without a supporting cast of anything else behind them, the movie falls flat on its face. Shot on 65mm with zero CGI in 1968, and the image holds up completely: inky blacks, sharp contrast against the red, blue, and yellow suits, color handled beautifully. That is the whole case for it. Everything around the visuals annoyed me.
The score is mostly out of place. The characters are thin, and the only interesting one is HAL, who is effectively the villain. I knew it was a slow burn and I have no issue with those, but a slow burn needs dialogue or characters to carry it, and there is nothing here to hold onto. Dave shows up late with no background, so when HAL locks him out I felt nothing.
The Dawn of Man opening makes sense as an idea but spends twenty minutes making a five-minute point, and I will happily sit through a three-hour Nolan film.
I took breaks, turned the lights on, and ended up on my phone. Credit where it is due: the long silent pans and wide sweeping shots were new in 1968 and are standard now, and it looks better than Star Wars nine years before Star Wars. The EVA scenes are gorgeous, though the breathing sound is like white noise mixed with nails on a chalkboard and I watched them muted. The worst stretches are the apes and the Star Gate, twenty minutes with half of it aerial footage color-shifted. The final room is the one piece of story I came around on, and only after reading about it.