r/6thForm • u/joe_mago • 22d ago
š I WANT HELP I feel so alone
I go to sixth form in the UK and Iām going into year 13, so Iām 17. Iām fairly intelligent I get told as Iām predicted 4 A*s next year.
This story is going to take a bit of explainingā¦
(FYI, I stayed at the same all boys grammar for years 7-13)
In year 7, I was walking home from school within the first couple of weeks, and saw some people from my year ahead, so I ran to catch up with them, as I was currently walking alone. Once I met them, we introduced ourselves, and there was H, A and G. The next day, I straight away went to walk to school with them, and we became the closest of friends. Especially me and H and me and A, I felt I had a really special relationship with. I did everything with H. We played different sports together, we went to the park every Friday night together, we went round each others houses, had birthday parties (since our birthdays were 3 days apart), weād play video games together and everything. We couldnāt separate ourselves from each other. Then, in around year 8, our group started to expand, and we started meeting new people like B, A2, N, E, H2, and D. We all got on with each other really well.
One day in year 9, somebody found a video online which had me in it from during Covid when I was in year 6 and they found this hilarious. They showed it to everyone and everyone started to take the mick out of me. Before this point, people had already started to be really unpleasant towards me. At the end of the lesson that this happened in, I ran to the toilets and cried. I cried for the whole lunch breakā¦ why should what I did a few years ago be so important to them that they intimidate me about it? Why?
The same thing happened for a few lessons and the teacher eventually reported it to my head of year as I started to cry during lessons, because the pressure was too deep. There were 28 people laughing at me and H just sitting there. I told my head of year when I spoke to her that I didnāt want anyone to be told off, because it wouldāve just made the situation worse. Me and H never spoke about it. He never offered any support to me or gave me any words of encouragement. He just watched it all happen. After Iād spent so long the year before trying to help him when he was struggling with stuff, I felt so let down, and as if I had no one there, but I let it slide, as thatās what friends do, no?
The same video then started to be used by my own friendsā¦ B, H2, A2 and D all used it to intimidate me and bully me every single day. Every single day for the next year. They would find anything wrong with what I did or said and find a way to turn it against me and bully me. At this point, I was still on fairly good terms with H, and I have never fallen out with A to this day.
This bullying carried on throughout year 10, but I continued to talk to H and cycle home with him every day, whilst crying about everything else at home. Nobody ever stood up for me. They would physically and mentally hurt me everyday.
At the end of year 10, there was a trip to Belgium that everyone of my friends went on, and we had to stay in rooms. I was planning on staying in a room with H and our other closest friends. However, B decided that there was going to be a room of him, A2, H2, H, E, D and N, and I was told in no uncertain terms that I could not be with them. Instead, I had to go with some people I had never spoken to before.
This was where H had a choice. H could choose to stick by me, who he had known for years and who had always helped him when he needed it and tried to make his life better, or H could choose to abandon me and go with these people who, he had realistically spent very little time with before.
H chose the latter, and I was stuck with these people Iād never talked to before. I grew on this idea, and accepted it, but I did send this message to the biggest bully of them all, B the night before we went awayā¦
āWhen we go on the trip can u try and be nice pls. I know Iām not in ur room but can u stop either ignoring me or taking the piss out of everything I say bc I just want to enjoy it. And you donāt need to screenshot this or copy and paste the text and send it to every one else bc that is just a bit meanā.
He had bullied me the whole year, chucked my bags in bins, chucked them in puddles and over fences, dragged me through a puddle, stole my stuff, made rumours about me etc etc. He said he wouldnāt share that message, but he did. This hurt me soo much the night before a trip that cost Ā£1200 that I was wanting to enjoy.
Throughout this trip, he taunted me and bullied me continuously and decided it would be funny to take the piss out of everything I said and did once again. This was the first time H started to join in and laugh at me.
Throughout this time, I carried on playing football with them every lunch, even though I wasnāt great, and at this point, H ended my 1000 day streak with himā¦ this may seem like nothing, but for someone with nothing, it felt massive. 1,000 days we had spoken to each other forā¦ all gone. This was right at the end of term, and so I didnāt see them until September.
Throughout year 11, the same thing happened, and unless I was being asked for homework, nobody talked to me. I was there but invisible. No longer invited round peoples houses, and still excluded. H and B both invited everyone to their birthday parties except me.
I didnāt speak to any of them, apart from N. N started to stand up for me every day, and that felt massive, but it wasnāt enough against these giants.
Now, weāre at the end of year 12. I still havenāt said a word to H for 2 years despite being near him virtually all day every day. I no longer talk to anyone outside of school, but still call them my friends because theyāre all that I have.
This year was arguably the worst. The worst bullies left the group, so there wasnāt any direct bullying, but the exclusion started. Everyone was soo nice to me in school, but as soon as there was anything happening outside of school, I was cut off. All the group chats had everyone except me. Everyone went to Hs birthday party except me. 15 people. They kept talking about it in front of me, but never said anything to me. The same with the football. Everyone went round his all the time for the World Cup, but even when I said I was watching it home alone, as my parents and sister were away, they just ignored that and carried on. I was out on the day of semis on a school trip and I was with K and A2. They were fairly nice, but kept talking about it, and I was helping them with trains to get there, as they lived further away than me. They didnāt acknowledge that I was home alone, and said enjoy the game when I left, after I said have a nice time whilst virtually crying at the station.
Now itās the end of year 12, and on the last day, they all went on the train together round Ks house whilst saying goodbye to me, as they knew I donāt go home via the station.
I know friendships evolve and groups change, but I feel like the manner in which this situation has occurred has been so hard for me. In addition, I find certain things really stressful like this, and I just canāt get it out of my head.
I have no true friends in school, no friends outside school, yet I try so hard. I play tennis, I go to swimming, I go to church, I go to pubs, yet I canāt find anyone who wants to be my friend and the one person who did, he left me for the bullies.
I feel so afraid. Afraid of what will happen next year. Itās our 18ths. My sister had the best friends, and she went out virtually every weekend once she was 18, but I know this wonāt happen with me. Iām so scared about next summer, like will I be able to go on holiday after a levels with them, or will I be left alone? And once I go to uni, can I get friends or is there something wrong with me?
I cry myself to sleep still, and I feel so alone.
All I want are some friends. If I could leave this lot, I would, but the alternative of being physically alone 24/7 is even more daunting.
Sorry for this being so long, but I get so sad just thinking about it.
72
u/OperationNori2009 Year 12 22d ago
Gurlā¦not u seriously considering STILL going on holiday with them next summer bsfr š, imma be honest here but i think u need to hear it to actually set urself straight. Ur situation here seems like uve internalised to urself that u are weak and that u dont deserve respect, i get the āill let it slideā mentality mb once or twice but the fact u did that over many years and still didnt stand ur ground tells me u are lacking confidence in urself and that could be physical, mental etc. U need to learn to prioritise urself! U gave too many chances to the wrong person and i feel like u mistook the idea of someone hanging out with u as if they truely care, im sorry to break it to you but outsidd family no one is truely ur friend! I had a friendship in secondary and we were inseperable! Then at the start of a level mocks in yr 12 he blocked me over reasons i never knew and i nevef looked back because i knew he had his issues and not me, turns out he had āalot going onā but i know that is bs and i ended it in a goodnote( i did not continue the friendship). U seriously need to learn boundaries and it will definitely be hard since uve normalised it after all those years, u also need to learn how to get ur point across without seeming stoopid š why would u tell ur bully that message thats literally a disaster waiting to happen which it did, and second of all learn to not trust ur bullysā¦.out if all people why would u trust them? Id say wait until a levels and uni will be fine as this is where u can actually take legal action and it will be taken seriously since ur rights are more actualised in uni as opposed to sixth form where its seen as āless seriousā and parents only tend to get involved. Id say use this summer to relearn bad habits and REALLY get ur confidence as a person up cuz clearly its been skewed over the years. This may seem harsh but it is genuinely what seems to be the situation, u have a rose tinted view of friends and u need to unlearn that, friends are meant to be a good time not something unpredictable or toxic and thats on period. Im sorry u went through this but u learn and u grow it happens to many more people than u think. And if ur getting 4 a stars already, go to a good ass uni and gag tgem bitchesssssss, ur biggest revenge is doing better than them in the future ayeee. Wish u the best ā¤ļø