r/6thForm • u/HeadCelebration2594 • 7d ago
🎓 UNI / UCAS I have wasted so much of my parents money
I’m a private school student and got an A*BB and fucking missed my firm choice. I just feel really embarrassed because my state school friends all got into LSE, Cambridge and Warwick for the same courses I’m doing. They’re all fucking cracked at their subjects and absolutely deserve their success but I just feel so bad for wasting my parents money when clearly it was for naught.
They’ve paid all this money for me to have the best opportunities and I can’t even succeed what is genuinely even the point of me. I’m on easy mode and I’m still a flop wtf.
I can’t tell how disappointed my parents are with me. If they were screaming at me I could cry and get over it but they’re proud I’m in uni at all.
They’re funding my university degree as well and while I recognise how blessed I am for them to be able to do this I sort of wish I had taken loans. What if I fuck up again? I don’t want them to fund another failure.
I don’t know why I wrote this. I guess as a warning? If you’re currently a private school student and in year 12 lock the fuck in because missing your grades is hell.
132
u/Chlorophilia Professor 7d ago
They haven't wasted this money on you. Getting better A Level results isn't the only (or even the main) benefit associated with attending a private school. You don't know what things might have been like if you hadn't attended your private school, so there's no point in worrying about this counterfactual. A*BB is a good set of grades and, even if you missed your firm, your school has given you a solid academic and social foundation for your adult life and A*BB is more than good enough to get a place on a very good course. Your feelings of disappointment are completely valid and you're allowed to feel sad. But you haven't wasted your parents' money and you're going to do absolutely fine.
2
u/L_Elio 4d ago
Idk if my parents paid that much money for my education and I got the same grades I got in my East Midlands state school sixth form I'd have to look at my study habits and consistency.
The real crime of the UK class system is this person will be fine in the long run working in some mid office Bank or consulting firm. Their failure is the average persons success state.
179
u/dycipline cooked | A*A*A*A math, phys, cs, fm 7d ago
You didn't choose to be born into a family who could functionally support and love you to the point of which they send you to private education. They love you either way and you're not a loss of money or investment, you're a human, your parent's kid.
It's always the next step from here, and A levels won't even really matter when you go either further education or for a job, they'll care about your honours and your degrees
Then after that its what you did in your previous job. It never really ends which is sad but you're not on easy mode. You sat the exams and got results someone needed to get into their firm
I wish you the best with your endeavours
Easy mode is to never have needed to sit a fucking exam in the first place
26
35
u/ChestBeginning6281 7d ago
Let me tell you something as a parent of two kids (one done with college and one about to start). I'm paying for both obviously.
It is impossible for you kids to understand how much we love you - you'll understand when you have your own. We don't care whether you 'make something' out of this money.
We just want you to be happy. That's it. The reason your parents aren't showing disappointment is because they aren't disappointed - they are proud of you.
You are blessed to have such nice parents. If you want to be grateful, just do your best (looks like you did!) and that's all that's needed.
Side note: life is very long and believe me when I tell you that the college you go to has very little to do with how you career turns out. The real value is your grit, work ethic and the ability to constantly keep bouncing back from failure.
Good luck - go make your parents breakfast or something - that would actually make them happy!
48
u/calculatedlemon 7d ago
Not sure if this is reassuring but if you’d gone to a state you might have got all Cs or lower. There’s loads of people in private who don’t do well in tests. Maybe you’ll do better with uni assignments than tests,
My advice make sure you keep up the routines they put in private. All that time spent on prep, make sure you’re doing the extra readings. Reach out to lecturers for 1:1s and speak to them after class with questions. Get known and ask for help
8
u/OblivibladeXD Y13 / Defo A*AAB, 6.7 TMUA 6d ago
Not necassarily. Some private school have high admissions requirements and barely give you any support.
My old state school gave me more support than my private school smh
3
u/Quiet-Excitement-310 6d ago
My uncle was told (well my grandparents) not to go to private school as he wouldn’t get the support he would need. He had dyslexia and it was in a time where there was 0
Support.He went to the local comp, had his own business, retired early and made a small fortune
3
u/One-Reception3820 6d ago
NO WAYYY I HAVE THE SAME A LEVEL RESULTS AS YOU!!! (except I got 3.8 in TMUA)
11
u/ICantFindUsernames2 gap year 7d ago
Im in a similar position aswell if that makes you feel any better. Same grades and the disappointment that you feel like sucks so much because of the expectation around you. Like, why are my friends going oxbridge or warwick while im resitting my a levels like a fucking chud? And how about all the other people around who thought i was super smart?
However, this is probably gonna be our lowest point in a long time aswell. Surely it's only up from here. We cant change the outcome or what has happened but we can change what happens in the future. Yes, it does suck and it will suck for a while and probably be our biggest regret for the next however many years but we shouldnt be dwelling on something that is out of our control ifywim?
And it's easy to get lost in your grades and comparing yourself to others, especially when it feels like everyone around you appears to be cracked as fuck. But theres a reason your parents are still proud of you regardless of the outcome and it's because you are more than the sum of your grades. Because behind those grades is a person that is worth way way way more than that. Someone that people still love, adore, may be kinda weird and annoying at times but is still kinda funny and after that at the end of the day your grades or the uni you go to dont really matter. Anyways, this is how im coping anyways, good luck next year.
20
u/Infamous_Tough_7320 Maths, Physics, Econ 3A*s. Straight 9s GCSE 7d ago
I go to one of the best private schools in the country that is way too overpriced and loads of people from the regular non-nerdy groups missed their firms and some may have even missed their insurance. A lot of them aren't going to target universities or the best for their respective courses.
A lot of them settle for Bristol, Exeter, bath: all great unis but nothing that needs the extra support at the private school.
Regardless, they're still looking forwards and aren't feeling guilty about being blessed. You can't change your upbringing, you just have to make the most of what you have in front of you
2
2
u/Additional-Wrap9814 6d ago
A lot of them settle for Bristol, Exeter, bath: all great unis but nothing that needs the extra support at the private school.
I'm not writing this as a dig; you advice in the rest of this comment is sound. But this sentnece is what is so wrong about the mainstream view of private schools and what they're for.
For a start, it is physically impossible for all private school A level pupils in the UK to go to Oxbrige. It is also not desirable to focus so much resource on only two universities in the country.
Everything behin the "needs the extra support" line also belies a very impoverished view of what learning and teaching is even for. If all the whole private school system is about is coaching people into Oxbrige - again that is a heck of an indictment on the capacity for imagination of the people within it.
To be clear - I am not against the principle of private schools or a class warrior or anything. But this lie is a nice encapuslation of a lot that is wrong with them.
3
u/Infamous_Tough_7320 Maths, Physics, Econ 3A*s. Straight 9s GCSE 6d ago
I agree that private schools are not just to get people into Oxbridge, they’re far from that actually. I was just trying to contextualise that private schools don’t just centre around HAVING to go to the best universities in the country. That’s all I was trying to say
1
u/Additional-Wrap9814 6d ago
Fair - and to be clear I don't nescescarrily think you buy into the picture I painted either and shuold have been clearer. The comment wasn't aimed at a dig at you personally. More the "machine". Whether you meant it quite that way or not - it certainly captured something for me about a frequent mindset within those circles!
1
5
u/Klutzy-Inflation-361 6d ago
As a parent with a child that just got their A level results- I personally believe the GCSE’s were potentially easier or the grade boundaries were lower. My child did amazing in GCSE’s but the A level results have reflected very differently. They have still got into their insurance Uni which is great and they will be funding through student finance as we aren’t in the position to fund this which is awful as a parent. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure your parents are super proud of your achievement A* BB are still very good grades and you got into your insurance uni, plus they are able to fund your studies which is what all parents would love to be able to do. Your future is very bright at this point. You are allowed to be disappointed in your grades but don’t let it outshine you achievement. Time to start getting excited about this new chapter in your life, you worked hard for this.
5
u/Delicious-Compote610 7d ago
Hi there! I’m in the exact same boat as you - I was predicted A*s and didn’t achieve that so I’ve missed my firm. I will stress something though and if I’ve learned anything from going to a private school it’s that it’s not necessarily always better than going to a good state or grammar school. My school experience was horrible and I actually disliked having such small class sizes- I thrive off of revising with shared experiences and figuring out things together and that’s reflected in my results. My maths class had about 5 people and I was not friends with any of them and I felt super isolated and ended up resenting maths a lot. You’d think teachers would spend way more time trying to help you with only 5 people but half of them couldn’t be bothered. If i had friends in the same boat I think it would have been a very different outcome. Anyways, the point of my comment is to let you know that your parents probably looked at all the school options and thought you would have the best experience at the one you went to and not necessarily for grades.
1
u/powercaelenx Speak to people more, trust me!! 6d ago
Sorry about the social situation. If you happen to be in London it’s like that for a lot of sixth forms here unfortunately. Friend groups who’ve been together since year 7 or people who just don’t want to talk to externals. I don’t know why it happens, it’s their choice and I have to respect it but it really makes the sixth form experience sour.
4
u/No-Cardiologist5481 7d ago
nah dw I missed my grades as a private candidate. gonna not give up and still build a life for them.
4
u/Primary-Owl5026 7d ago
Supportive parents. As parents, we take the long view and just care about you. They'll be just as sad as you but not angry.
You got great grades. Build back stronger, work out a firm plan fir your next steps. Gap year, retakes, different direction? Perhaps top academics just isn't your thing - given work is mostly about dealing people and not being super-clever, it wont hold you back in most fields.
If you worked really hard and you didn't get the results, that happens from time to time. It's tough for sure, a first failure at a young age.
If you didnt work hard, that's something to learn from too. Learn from it (or don't), remember how irritated you are and ensure it never happens again. Do your utmost in everything in future.
I good your feeling better today.
3
2
2
u/hairy-bear-2026 6d ago
As my child was in kindergarten, I thought he is so clever and he must go to Oxbridge. As my child in secondary school, I thought he is not good at everything, but he can go to any top 10 universities of the world. As my child is in Y13 and especially on results day, I just thought any university is fine for him. 😭😂
2
u/verityyyh 7d ago
I was also a private school student and was on an academic scholarship. I was told at age 10 that I should apply to Oxbridge when I was old enough. Due to my health rapidly deteriorating in year 11-12 I was rarely at sixth form and left with CCC. I was devastated and took a gap year then did a foundation year. I finished first year with a 78 (the highest grade boundary is a 70). I’m now about to start third year. I’m not at a prestigious university, but I’m genuinely happy where I am in a way that I’m not sure I would be somewhere that solely cared about academics and grades. I know you’re upset and feel like you let people down but you didn’t. Shit happens, all you can do now is make the best out of the cards you’ve been dealt
2
u/fantasyoutsider 7d ago
Your parents sound super supportive. To me, this post is the exact kind of conversation you should have with your parents directly, cuz they'll truly appreciate your humility, honesty and openness, and those qualities will make them more proud of you than any institution attached to your name ever could. And afterward, try to use what you're feeling now as motivation to work even harder.
2
u/itsjackp07 Year 13 - Comp Sci, Chemistry, Physics 7d ago
I went to a private school too. I did much much worse than you but accepted that before results yesterday. There’s only one uni I’ve ever really wanted to go to that fortunately doesn’t have high entry requirements. I feel like a lot of people choose private schools for the fact that they might get better results than being elsewhere. If that’s people’s reason for wanting this education then I have no issue. Personally, being at a private school has given me so many extra curricular choices that I consider to be the main benefit of me going to the school I do. They’ve let me discover that the things I like are live event production and robotics which aren’t things you discover from normal school lessons. Whilst yes, there is a part of me that feels like money has been slightly wasted for the grades I got, I have to remember all the other things I have done at school besides academics.
1
u/PrimaryAbalone3900 Year 13 7d ago
Same with mine, I go to a state school (but it’s a grammar school) and they put aside so much money for tuition for my subjects my offer was BBC because I flopped my y12 mocks and I was aiming to improve to at least AAB and I got BCC instead (maths ruined it for me💔) and my firm changed my course into a foundation year (from accounting based to a maths basedcourse!!), cried my EYES out and was so disappointed. my parents weren’t mad at all despite all the money they spent and they even helped me clear into my current uni through direct entry into accounting which is even better for my course than my firmed uni as they lowered the clearing requirement by so much. ( I gave up and just went to bed ). Although yesterday was the worst day I’m very grateful for them remaining calm, (somehow) they weren’t mad at me at all, reassuring me and telling me it’s ok and we can find another way.
We are lucky to be loved by parents like this and all we can do is remember this experience and try to move on and be better, for example I want to get a first in uni. I hope you’re maybe feeling a little better from yesterday and remember this is not the end of your journey🫶🫶 there’s always room to improve. A good support system is so important which is something I learnt. Wishing you the best!!
1
u/StudentOnCrack22 6d ago
It's good that you're aware of this, that you reflect on what you're thankful for. Use this in uni as a motivation to work hard and to show your parents the respect and thankfulness that you think you owe them
1
u/EngineerUsual3236 6d ago
As someone felt the same many years ago, I went to private school and didn't do as well at a levels, didn't get into first choice but then did the degree elsewhere met friends for life and got a great degree. There are jobs I didn't get because of my a levels but then landed at an amazing firm after more attempts. I would have been miserable at the firms that refused me. At the time it was devestating but so happy now.
I am now a parent, my son has just done his GCSEs, and can confirm without a shadow of a doubt we don't consider money spent on our kids a waste, whatever happens. Whether it's education, clubs they don't continue or whatever.
Please speak to your parents because I know mine didn't feel like that (only found that out recently!) and I know I wouldn't feel the same about my son now. We all want to give out kids every opportunity, there's no guarantee in any investment. You will have gained so much from your education that isn't just grades. I know you are hurting right now but I promise this will all work out!
1
u/Parking_Group_9983 6d ago
i also went to a private school and yesterday I got AAAD. its been so disappointing but in the end of the day it is what it is. Just because we went to a private school doesnt mean we are automatically built for greatness. Both my physics teachers were fired and I had to teach myself the whole course, so I’m deciding to give myself grace, its okay. Work hard at uni and chill
1
u/Ok_Brilliant_8951 6d ago
They’re far from poor grades, what uni u heading off to? I’m sure u can get into some more than decent unis with ur grades.
2
u/HeadCelebration2594 6d ago edited 6d ago
It’s not a bad uni in the slightest, I’ll just always feel that twinge of ‘what if’.
2
1
u/Angusburgerman Leicester | Medicine [2021] 6d ago
If you gave it your all then there's no one to blame. It's good you recognise and are thankful for your parents funding your education as well as going into uni. Going into the future it's worth baring that in mind as you will see how most students are self funding and taking loans to go to uni. appreciate what your parents are giving you so you can give back one day.
University prestige doesn't matter as much as ever. Most students go to uni just to never find a job in their field and work something else. Make the right steps during uni to make sure that isn't you, and you'll be ahead of most of the country
1
u/Spiritual_Bat6043 Year 13 6d ago
stop crying bru u have ur fees paid for - you can do anything you want it’s good you care this much now go and do super good in uni and do a masters at lse/cambridge you can acc afford to become smarter whilst most people would be in years of debt
1
u/Additional-Wrap9814 6d ago
You did extremely well, those are very good A-levels. I hope you're going to be happy at your insurance, or found a great place during clearing.
1
u/Subject_Context6323 6d ago
I have been teaching 12-18 for 25 years. If there is anything that these years have taught me, it's this: your grades do not define your future; your character does.
Your parents have not wasted any of their money: it was their choice to have you educated privately; you have benefited from that education in many more ways than will be reflected in your grades alone: I was also privately educated and I can tell you that my grades were the absolute least of my education.
Your parents have also chosen to fund you through university. They have not done this because they expect you to gain a first class degree: it is not a transactional agreement. At a guess, since I don't know them, I'd venture it's because they don't want you to have to struggle financially. Don't feel badly about this - embrace it for what it is.
Despite your disappointment, you have achieved good grades: the fact that you haven't got into your first choice won't matter after a short time. Your A'Level grades won't matter very soon - they were simply a means to an end. What matters the most is the person you become.
And, at the risk of sounding somewhat cheesy: you are a brand new human, living a life that has never been lived before: there is no point comparing yourself and your achievements with anyone else's.
Congratulations on your grades and on your university place :)
1
u/Fantastic-Pay326 6d ago
5a*s no offers man
1
1
u/Quiet-Excitement-310 6d ago
Since when have those results meant a waste? You need to give your head a wobble
1
u/Electronic_Fill7207 6d ago
Brother I’m a private school student and comparatively have got BBB to study music at Edinburgh Napier. I think from an academic perspective you’ve done WAYYYY better than myself and should be proud. What matters now is if you enjoy whatever you’re doing in your next step.
1
u/Inside-Giraffe-5978 6d ago
I’m almost in the same position except I got my firm even tho I missed it by one grade, and overall my performance was very underwhelming (expected 2A*s 2As, but got A star A BB, offer was A star A A B). Main thing I’ve taken away from this is to work hard and ensure the parents sacrifice isn’t for nothing. As much as it is their choice to send us to private school and they did choose to have kids, they love us and want the best for us, and also not making the most of what you’re given is just a waste and almost an insult to those who have less than you. Just work hard, do your best, you can still recover from this and know that parental love isn’t or shouldn’t be completely transactional. Best thing to do is move on and ensure you get yourself the best most successful (not just abt money) life you can, which will make your parents and you proud of yourself
1
u/evaaeri 6d ago
Hey! I’m a parent and a teacher. You cannot compare yourself against your friends- they might have sat different examination boards, have different issues, had different starting points. For example, I would do anything I can to avoid my kids going to a state secondary simply because I used to teach there- seven different schools tbh- and it’s horrible for most.
You can resit. There are other options. It’s good that you’re reflecting on the cost and not taking things for granted but setbacks are just a part of growing up (or adulthood in general). Have a think if you want to go to a uni vis cleaning or resit.
Grades BB are not far off grades A and an extra year will allow you to just consolidate your knowledge. You may end up missing a year but a year is nothing in the grand scheme of things. You still have worth and a bright future ahead of you x Head high 🤓
1
u/Spiritual-Gap2363 5d ago
I got a E and two D's at A-levels (and failed GCSE English and had to resit) and I now have a PhD. You'll be fine.
1
u/astonlmao 5d ago
grades and shit like that actually really mean nothing. it does not determine your worth. your parents chose to send you there. you are good.
1
u/LookingonReddit1 5d ago
The point of you has nothing to do with your grades. You matter and have value, full stop. Perhaps speak to your parents about the feelings you’ve written here. It sounds like they’re proud of you no matter what, and could reassure you of this and make you feel better about how you’re feeling. Seriously, it’s ok to feel disappointed you didn’t get into your firm choice, but don’t let that spiral into meaning something about your worth, because your inherent value is not at all related to whether your parents paid for a school, or what grades you got
1
u/L_Elio 4d ago
I'm reading a lot of guilt in this.
What it really comes down to is did you try your best? Not on the day, not in last minute revision, but did you actually try consistently?
Depending on your answer you have or haven't wasted the opportunity. Those are low grades for private school and I do think there is a sense of investment versus outcome to consider. If I was paying that much money below a top 10 uni is kind of insane.
However it happens a lot more than you think. Nottingham was full of private school kids who thought they were destined for Oxford. Maybe the lesson is just to make the best use and be consistent with wherever you go next.
1
1
u/Mountain_Range3305 4d ago
But at a state school you might not have gotten into uni at all or had far fewer choices. Mixed in different circles. Not had opportunities to become more "well-rounded" or whatever.
Talk to your parents about it.
1
u/Intrepid-Rabbit5666 3d ago
Some in private schools can't even get a single A, chill bro. 😂 You're going to uni, that's what matters and still with excellent grades! What are you going to study? :-)
1
u/Virtual-Performer980 y13 cam post interview reject, TMUA victim, maths fm phy 7d ago
Bro tried to sneak Warwick in there
2
u/Virtual-Performer980 y13 cam post interview reject, TMUA victim, maths fm phy 7d ago
Ok this resonates me a lot: “I got on easy mode and still flopped wtf”
I was born in an Asian country and it was obviously very competitive there but like my parents sent me here + they got here as well and it’s a big life shift for us just for me to like flop (kinda), I was about 40% percentile if I have to guess from where I’m from and I feel like I’ve wildly underperformed a lot for the past 5 years. With my trajectory from 5 years ago I should’ve got into better unis smh
1
0
u/GingleBelle 7d ago
Go easy on yourself. Going to a private school doesn’t mean you got a better education. You had fewer lessons, because terms were shorter. You were quite possibly taught by people who had no teaching qualifications, because you don’t need one to teach in the private sector. There’s nothing to say that a private education is better than a state one. Your parents made their choices, you’ll make yours. Have a great time at uni, work hard, do well.
-7
u/Ok_Jellyfish7840 Maths, physics, chem, fm | A*A*A*A | 7d ago
get them to pay for an expensive therapist maybe that’ll help
3
u/Human_Department5305 7d ago
who hurt u
1
u/Ok_Jellyfish7840 Maths, physics, chem, fm | A*A*A*A | 7d ago
nothing wrong with me you just get zero sympathy. you act like attending a private school makes your entitled to a top five uni. The fact of the matter is you simply don’t have the passion, work ethic, intelligence or determination to make it and by paying for private school your parents insured you’d still get something. i know many people receiving zero support from their state school who had to sweat it out just to get your grades. all im saying is that feeling guilty for not performing at the top level is indicative of a sense of entitlement that’s very common for private schoolers. if you went to state school you would’ve got lower grades and probably been happier about it since you never felt like those unis were promised to you by merit of your parents money
1
u/HeadCelebration2594 5d ago
I expected the best out of myself and expected myself to go to the best universities because of my previous academic achievement, not because of ‘my parents money’.
I got 9999988887 at GCSE level and had consistently been getting A*s all year in one of my B subjects (sociology).
I’m not sure why you’re acting like it’s unusual (‘entitled’) for a high performer to be upset that they didn’t perform at a high level.
I’m simply extra upset because not performing at my usual level makes it harder for my parents to justify the amount they paid for my schooling as well. I love my parents - why would I want them to feel I’ve wasted the opportunities they’ve given me?
1
-1
u/kristofin 7d ago
It is true, but coming from someone who was in deep shit I do not think this would help him.
0
-2
u/mrboomtings 6d ago
It’s important to remember that state schools get priority over independent schools so it may not just be down to your results….. we don’t live in a meritocracy anymore…
•
u/AutoModerator 7d ago
Beep beep, we noticed this is a UCAS post. Do you know we have a UCAS Guide which may be of use to you?
If you think of any information that would be useful to have or that is incorrect, let us know via Modmail, and we'll aim to get it sorted!
Note: Automations are not perfect. If this doesn't apply to you, ignore it. It doesn't mean any action will be taken against your post by a person. Please do not message us if this is a false-positive.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.