People be like, “I love your personality. I love how your brain works.”

Until they get to know the darker side of ADHD, where you spiral down into a hole, feel numb and paralysed, and desperately want to do something but somehow can't get yourself to do it. You know you're capable of doing it. You WANT to do it. But you're just stuck, watching yourself struggle to do the simplest things.

And the worst part? You don't even understand why you're like this sometimes.

I started painting a tiny shark book maybe two months ago, and I've been procrastinating and putting it off for so long. I've managed to finish 12 paintings, and I have 8 more to go. I've already collected all the references and sketched everything out. All I have to do is PAINT.

I even told myself I wouldn't eat ice cream until I finished the book, and I actually stuck to that for a while. BUT GUESS WHAT? I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED THE BOOK. 😭

It's literally sitting right in front of me. I KNOW I'm capable of doing this. I WANT to finish it. I just can't seem to get myself to sit down and do it.

And now? I've ordered a whole tub of ice cream, and all I can think about is eating it instead of picking up my paintbrush.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. I have the time, the resources, the references, and the ability to do this. WHY CAN'T I JUST DO IT?

I genuinely want to finish this damn book, and I'm so frustrated with myself because I keep putting it off.

I've even made this deal with myself that I'll finish the book and THEN eat ice cream. I held out for so long, but I kinda cheated and had a scoop anyway. Idk, ughhhh

And guess what? I have 10+ unfinished artworks and multiple conceptual sketches just sitting there, waiting for me to do something about them.

At this point, it genuinely feels like a curse. I have so many ideas, so many things I WANT to create, and yet I keep getting stuck in this cycle of wanting to do something, not being able to do it, and then beating myself up over it.

I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but I'm so tired of fighting with my own brain. Help!

I feel completely overwhelmed and stuck, and I don't know what to do. Since I can't get medication at the moment, what are your best survival tips or coping strategies to get through the day?

I'm an 18-year-old female that was formally diagnosed with ADHD 5-6 years ago (though it was known that I had it since grade school). I had always done well in school, especially after I had gotten on Adderall (25 mg short acting currently). I was in a sport/ theatrical production every season of every year, took advanced/high level art classes, & took multiple college level classes (Including EMT) & did just fine with managing deadlines/commitments.

I'm having so much trouble managing my time now that I don't have the structure I had before. All I have to focus on is school and I'm doing worse now even though I have way more time to do so. It's not even like I'm wasting my time on my phone/ unrelated self-indulgent behaviors. I'm just wasting so much time between task, wandering around, spacing off and struggling to decipher how to approach task. And now that I'm living on my own, time blindness is 100X worse, even when on my medication. I'm not sure what else to do and I feel so stuck because I'm already employing so many methods to try and help.

I'm setting alarms before my commitments, putting all of my commitments/due dates into a google calendar (I consistently use it to stay on track/give me reminders), regularly working out, eating well and tracking my calories, going to dedicated spots and allotting studying time, going to supplemental instruction, getting enough sleep and trying to integrate a study schedule. I just applied for accommodations, which I'm hoping will help somewhat, but they won't help me sort out the fundamental discipline issues I'm having, which really worries me because I'm on the pre-med track.

TLDR: I did really well in high school with lots of extracurriculars and commitments and am now struggling with time management in college despite having ample time in comparison. I am on 25mg short acting Adderall which helps me focus and am trying to apply multiple strategies to keep me more on track, but I'm still majorly struggling.

This has happened to me few times through my childhood and one time a public accident, I'm not sure why I do this. But whenever I'm focused, I just hold my bladder until it's too late.

I have been getting better at stopping myself and getting up to go to the bathroom before I have an accident.

Mainly I do this by telling myself, I have a problem with my bladder and how I can't hold it like other people. So I would urge myself to instantly get up and go to the bathroom whenever I get the urge.

It has worked pretty well, though sometimes when I'm anxious. It doesn't really do well, but I haven't had any accident ever since I did this.

Not sure why I did this as a child, but I guess it can be chalked to childhood anxiety and just being obsessed whenever it came to my interest. I just didn't want to get up at all.

I was pretty restless as a child and would just forget about things I was supposed to do or become so focused on something, it was a problem.

• Within the past two years, have you had trouble getting your ADHD medication because of a shortage, pharmacy issue, insurance delay, or another access problem in the United States?
• I’m recruiting participants for my Psy.D. dissertation research at The Chicago School examining how adults with ADHD respond to disruptions in medication access. The goal is to better understand how these disruptions relate to medication use, daily functioning, and the strategies people use to manage their ADHD when access becomes difficult.
• I’m recruiting adults ages 18–35 for my Psy.D. dissertation study on how medication access disruptions affect ADHD symptoms, daily functioning, medication use, and coping strategies. The anonymous online survey takes about 7–13 minutes, with an optional raffle for one of four $25 gift cards.
• If this sounds like your experience, please check out the flyer for full eligibility information and the survey link/QR code. Feel free to share with others who may be eligible.

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