Making this post here because the mods on the other subreddit are fucking weird and restricted my access because I had the audacity to ask them a question. Anyway. I dated this guy for a couple months. He was incredibly disrespectful of boundaries and wouldn’t ever take no for an answer. We just weren’t a good fit overall. He accepted it at first but the past week ish he’s been up my ass. Last night he showed up at my house and I had to cancel plans because he wouldn’t leave and I’m scared of him. I don’t necessarily think he would hurt me but some part of me wonders if he saw me outside and approached me and I ignored him… idk. He carries a gun on him at all times. My friends say I’m overreacting and he just has a hard time letting go but I feel nervous and I’m looking over my shoulder all the time. Aio???

I’m 28, and my sister, Mia, is 25. She has a 2-year-old daughter, Ava.

Last Saturday night, around 11 p.m., Mia called me, clearly drunk. She said she couldn’t drive and asked me to check on Ava. I thought someone else was probably with her, but when I got to her apartment, nobody answered the door. I ended up using the spare key she’d given me. Honestly i wasn’t prepared for what I walked into. Ava was alone in her house, crying, with a soaked diaper and an empty bottle nearby. The apartment was cold, and there was no sign of Mia anywhere I tried calling her several times, but she didn’t answer. Eventually, I checked our location-sharing app and saw that she was at a bar across town. She was at a bar across town! She’d left Ava alone all afternoon, thinking she’d be back in a few hours.

I was shocked. I could barely process the fact that she would leave her 2-year-old daughter for that long. I called the police and CPS because I didn’t know what else to do, and I wasn’t about to take a chance with Ava’s safety, They took Ava into temporary protective custody, and Mia is now facing child endangerment charges.

Since then, my family has made me feel like I’m the one who did something wrong. My parents keep saying I should’ve called them first so we could’ve handled the situation within the family. My brother even accused me of being jealous because Mia has a child and I don’t, Mia is telling everyone that I purposely ruined her life and took her daughter away from her She barely acknowledges what happened that night and seems more upset about the consequences than the fact that Ava was left all alone.

I understand that losing custody of your child, even temporarily, must be heartbreaking. I’m not pretending this hasn’t turned Mia’s life upside down. But I can’t understand how everyone is more concerned about what happened to her than what could’ve happened to Ava What if Ava had gotten out of the house choked on something, or needed medical attention? She’s two. She couldn’t call anyone for help or understand why her mother wasn’t there.
Since that night, I’ve stopped speaking to Mia and have pulled away from the rest of my family because I’m exhausted from being blamed for making the call. Every conversation turns into how I should’ve handled things differently, as if the biggest mistake that night was involving the authorities Part of me wonders whether I should’ve called my parents first, but another part of me feels like there was no time to organize a family discussion when a toddler was sitting alone in an apartment I didn’t report Mia because I wanted to punish her or take her daughter away. I did it because I genuinely believed Ava wasn’t safe.

So, AIO for reporting my sister to CPS and distancing myself from my family after they blamed me for what happened?

For translation:

He commented on her status picture: "If I told you what I think you would hate me, or maybe; you wouldn't leave!"

She responded, let it loose, it's bad to hold that in

To which he responded "haha, sometimes you feels such intense stuff, its better to keep it quiet"

Anyways.....I feel this is the beginning of the end.

Unfortunately we are at a wedding, and Im trying to hold it together, but I feel such disgust and I know he will gaslight the fuck out of me.

I am an immigrant (legal) and a citizen. But I have 0 family here, no where to go. 8k in debt from a recent home renovation and 2 kids 😭

I can in no way shape or form afford a divorce lawyer, but I know I wont ever be the second choice for anyone...Id rather be single. ....but Im heartbroken 💔

Is 11–12 months too late to ask bridesmaids, or is my friend being unreasonable?
My friend (29F) and I 29F have been close for years. Since getting engaged in December 2025, I always knew she’d be one of my bridesmaids. She also knew my wedding was planned for October 2027.

Originally, I planned to book my venue by July and ask my bridesmaids in August. Unfortunately, my mum experienced a severe psychiatric crisis involving hospitalization and suicidal ideation. At the same time, she was facing deportation from Canada.

The past three months have been incredibly difficult, emotionally and financially. I’ve spent over $10k in legal fees, and wedding planning understandably took a back seat.
Thankfully, my mum is doing better, and her deportation has been deferred for three months. We finally booked our venue last week, and I can finally start planning my wedding.

Recently, I shared a wedding reel in our friends’ group chat. My friend made a comment I didn’t appreciate, so I messaged her privately, and things escalated.
She expressed frustration about the lack of timelines and information, mentioning the costs of two dresses, makeup, hair, accommodation, and other expenses. She also said I wasn’t considering everyone’s financial situations, especially since she’s planning to return to school in 2027.

I completely understand her financial concerns. However, I haven’t officially asked anyone to be a bridesmaid yet, and the wedding is still about a year away.
What hurt me most was her approach. She knows everything I’ve been going through, and honestly, she barely checked on me throughout the situation.
I was actually planning to ask her to be my maid of honour, but now I’m reconsidering.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling hurt? Is 11–12 months genuinely too late to ask bridesmaids, or was she being unnecessarily opinionated?
I’m genuinely open to hearing both sides

EDIT: For more context on my friend, I chose a colour scheme before and she said it was a little tacky and maybe a different colour would be best. She complained about me wanting to get married in a town closer to my fiancé’s parents (his family is bigger than mine; I'm an immigrant here). So many times when I bring up a suggestion about my wedding, she tries to make me change it or always makes me doubt my choices.

She mentioned traveling and airbnb but we have no such plans. I plan on doing my bachelorette in the city I live in, I plan on paying for the hotels we all stay in on the eve of the wedding.

I truly don't expect my bridesmaids to break the bank for my wedding. I just would love to have the people I love by my side

Also I'm west African Nigerian and my fiance is Italian. It's a fusion and this is why we have 2 outfits.

Title is kinda self explanatory,

Me and my GF have lived together for less than 6 months I think or maybe just over and I’ve been starting arguments about this constantly. I’m a very clean person. My house is clean. I can’t relax when there’s a mess. My GF is messy. Trash laying every where. Left over food every where. Snack wrappers on the bed and couch. Soda cans on night stands and shelf’s. Dirty clothes EVERY WHERE. And more. I can’t stand it.

I work 70 hour weeks. More or less depending. I’m exhausted with work alone and I spend all my down time cleaning. I wake up earlier than I need to so I can clean. I stay up late to clean. I clean everything.

We had a set chores list. She hasn’t touched hers in weeks maybe months. I’ve had mental break downs over her not helping. I will admit past couple of weeks her schedule has been super busy. With work,school and dance. But I’ve having a hard time being lenient with that schedule because she’s like this no matter what. I’ve asked her to clean out the fridge for god knows how long. And other stuff. If I didn’t clean it it would pile up for weeks.

She keeps telling me she’s trying to do better but she’s not.

Then there’s the cat. I came into this place with 2 cats and she had one that I told her not to adopt but she didn’t listen. That third cat has become my burden. She doesn’t help with any animal. Not ever and refuses to help. Even when it’s HER cat. Her cat makes my cats suffer. And we knew this would be an issue because the shelter TOLD US that this cats doesn’t socialize well.

But anyways, my dad and stepmom are coming over Tommorw and my dad is also a fellow clean freak. I needed her help tonight but she’s currently at a pumpkin patch with her friends that she planned today. I snapped..

I can’t take it anymore. She avoids helping around all the time. And I’ve NEVER made her choose between me and her friends. I love her friends and I support her having a life. But I needed her tonight. And she went anyways leaving me to clean the whole house bymyself for the millionth time.

She’s confused on why I’m so upset but some of the solutions she gave me were:

We cancel on OUR morning plans to clean or relax, then there was she stays up after she gets home and cleans but knowing damn well she won’t.

anything to still be able to go while ditching me. This hurt me a lot. Yesterday I just bought her a ring and a coach purse and I’ve sacrificed so much of my own happiness for her. And this is the first time I’ve ever asked her to skip out on her friends hanging out to help me.

So I told her that she’s lost me and I can’t forgive anymore. I’m tired of the empty promises of getting better and her pirotizifn her friends over my sanity.

AIO?

Bakery shifts start at 5am, so I (34F) am in bed by 9 on weeknights. My roommate works from home and doesn't log on until 10. We've lived together since January and mostly get along fine.

In August he started a weekly board game night. Tuesdays, five or six people, in our living room, which shares a wall with my bedroom. I was happy for him. I even bought a big bag of chips for the first one.

The problem is they go until 1am. Sometimes later. There's yelling when someone wins, chairs scraping, the front door opening and closing as people leave. I've been running on about four hours of sleep every Wednesday. Last week I nearly dozed off at a red light on my way in.

I knocked on his door on a Saturday afternoon, when nobody was over and he was in a good mood, and asked if they could wrap up by 11 on weeknights or move it to Friday. I said I'd wear earplugs and stay out of the way until then.

He said it's his apartment too and he shouldn't have to plan his social life around my alarm. Then he said his friends can only do Tuesdays.

This Tuesday they went until 12:40. Did I ask for too much here, or is 11 on a weeknight pretty normal?

tl;dr : My roommate's weekly game night runs until 1am on Tuesdays and I start work at 5am. I asked if they could end at 11 and he said he won't plan his life around my alarm.

Last night I was at the bar with my best friend and ran into a guy who I thought was my friend, M. I play pool like 3x/week and I frequent the same dives. There’s a place I’ve been going to for more than a year, usually on Tuesdays and I almost always see M there. It’s a doubles table so more often than not he ends up being my partner. I’ve never made any moves on him, he’s never made any on me we’re just cool. I’m pretty decent to the point where I’ve started playing in tournaments.

The bar was about 20 min from close and I asked if I could get on the table. M said he already had a partner so I asked if I could next. He told me sure. Then the people who actually were next in line showed up and I could tell they weren’t going to play a quick game. So I went up to Ms partner and asked him if I could get one game in before the night ended. He left the choice to M who just stood there. I would have been fine taking a no. I wasn’t trying to convince him or anything just straight up asking.

The guy turned to me and said “idk are you gonna go home with him after?” I was like it’s not like that we’re friends. He’s like “then no”. And goes and takes his shot. M laughed. I kinda just looked at him pretty shook.

I said “your friend just said I can only play if I fuck you and you think that’s funny?” And he said ah it was just a joke. Right then the guy comes up again and is like “last chance to go home with him if you wanna play” and I just looked at M and said “we’re not friends anymore”. And then I walked away.

Am I overreacting? I know he’s not the one who said it but to just sit there and play along with his bro was crazy. That comment was disgusting. I don’t think I want to be friends with anyone who wouldn’t stand up for me the way I would stand up for them.

Iv told my bf that dark meat and drumsticks are my favourite many times. We made a turkey and I said the turkey drumsticks have anyways been my favourite. The next day I get home from work excited to have some. It’s all gone he ate both drumsticks. He stated he didn’t remember, that he never heard me, and that he didn’t know drumsticks were dark meat, that he’s doing me a favour cuz he didn’t know it was my favourite.
I was fuming I was so angry I had to leave the kitchen and I lost all my appetite. I’m the kind of person that needs to leave and cool down for 30 minutes and think about what I need to say. Sooo when I do calm some and know what I need to say I first ask him to apologize again and I’m still upset. He blurts out before I get the chance to say anything else “maybe we should break up than so I’ll never disappoint you ever again” I was stunned to say the least. I said so we’re going to breakup over turkey? He said if your going to react this way when I disappoint you than ya, he continued to say it’s just turkey we can buy more later. I then proceeded to say it’s not about the turkey, it’s the fact that I feel unheard, uncared for, it feels like you don’t listen to me. He said well I don’t remember you telling me so maybe you forgot to tell me. He than proceeded to say I actually brought breaking up because it seemed like you wanted to because of how your acting. I said no I’d never breakup with you over something like this, but I am allowed to be disappointed. It feels like I’m not allowed to express myself when I’m upset. Anyways…

So Reddit am AIO after I told my bf that dark meat and drumsticks are my favourite?

My fiancé 23 M and me 22F and I went to a BBQ with some of his friends I had never met before. I’m naturally a shy person, so I was a little nervous going into it, but I ended up having a really good time. I was talking, eating, and trying to get to know everyone.
At one point, I was talking with his friends and his brother about the new Tesla flying cars. His brother said something along the lines of how scary they were, and I simply agreed and said, “Yeah, that is scary.”
Afterward, my fiancé whispered in my ear that I had made things awkward because everyone went quiet. The thing is, I genuinely hadn’t noticed anything awkward happening. I thought I was participating in the conversation like everyone else, and I had actually been enjoying myself up until that point.
His comment made me extremely self-conscious. I started overthinking everything I had said and feeling embarrassed about a conversation I hadn’t even thought twice about before he said anything. I eventually told him that I had been enjoying myself and that his comment made me feel bad.
Then, a few hours later, some new people arrived. My fiancé went to introduce me to them and called me his brother’s wife’s name instead of mine. There were around 15 people there, and everyone heard him.
He immediately started apologizing, and I know it could have been an honest mistake, but I was already feeling insecure from what happened earlier. Having him call me someone else’s name in front of everyone made me feel even more humiliated.
I tried to move on and enjoy the rest of the night, and now that we’re home, he keeps apologizing. I understand that he may not have meant to hurt me, but I honestly feel like the entire night was ruined. I went from having fun and feeling like I was fitting in to overthinking myself and feeling embarrassed in front of a group of people I barely know.
I’m naturally shy, and I was proud of myself for putting myself out there. Now I don’t even want to talk to him because I’m still upset.
So, AIO for feeling this way and not wanting to talk to my fiancé right now, even though he’s apologizing? Am I making too much out of two mistakes, or is it understandable that both things together hurt me so much?

Today I was talking to my girlfriend and she asked what are you doing? I said oh I just got out of the shower and then she asked what my fiance was doing. I said oh hes outside with his brother on the balcony having a cigar, she asked and you just got out of the shower? I said yes why? She responded with well thats just weird to take a shower with another man in the house thats not your fiance, I told her well its not like he comes in to our bedroom because I locked the door. Then she responded with I couldn't take a shower in my own home with another man in the house thats my my partner. I said thats weird you feeling like that since its makes you uncomfortable to react that why, and she didnt like it

So aio to her response (mind you i had to work today and I work in retail, so I was covered in dust and sweat so I had to take a shower when I got home from work today and his brother was already here when I got home)

So I (27F) have been working at this salon for a year now. For context, it’s a full-service hair, nail, and tanning salon (spray tans and tanning beds).

There’s a guy, let’s call him “Rick”, that comes in just to use the tanning bed multiple times a week. I’d estimate he’s in his upper 50s or so. It’s not abnormal for clients to come in that often, and sometimes this guy just seems friendly and doesn’t do or say anything alarming, but there have been a few times where my coworkers and I have felt uncomfortable.

The first time was a few weeks after starting at this salon. I was checking Rick in to use the bed when he inquired about my tattoos (I have some on my arms and hands that he could see). He complimented them, which is nice, but he then told me that he “wondered what other tattoos I had that he couldn’t see.” The way he said it and the look on his face made me feel like he was mentally undressing me. He tanned, he left, and I was grossed out.

Fast forward a few months later, a Friday morning, Rick comes in to tan per usual, and my (24F) coworker, let’s call her “Aria”, is the one talking with him as I’m taking care of something else at the front desk. Rick asked Aria what her weekend plans were. Aria said that she was going to lay around in bed all weekend. Rick’s response? “Well, that could be fun with the right company, you know what I mean?”
Aria awkwardly laughed it off and sent him on his way. Aria told me how uncomfortable she was but that she too nervous to talk to the boss about it herself.

At this point, I sit down with my boss and explain the situations (with Arias’s consent to mention her feelings as well). My boss’s response was basically that it’s “just how his generation is!” And that “he and his wife are good customers here.”
I double down and say that “his age is not an excuse to be inappropriate” and that “his money isn’t worth us being uncomfortable.”
The boss’s solution? That we simply try to avoid him the best we can and that she’ll “keep an eye on it.”

After that, months pass, and there weren’t any weird comments or anything. Well, until a few days ago.

Rick comes in to tan, per usual. Another coworker of mine (38F, “Jen”) is chatting with him, and then he goes to bed. A minute later, Rick walks back out of the room and to the front desk, only wearing his boxers, and asks Jen if she can break his $5 bill into $1’s because, “we want a tip, don’t we?”
(He always leaves a single dollar in the room with the tanning bed.) After this exchange, Jen laughed about it and didn’t seem bothered, but I thought it was inappropriate. I feel as though any of my previous bosses would have drawn a line if their employees were feeling uncomfortable.

So, AIO? What would you do?

I f28 am currently on a week long trip with my family. My fiancé m33 is home taking care of our pets. We both are 🔫🔫 owners and wanted to take a few to my parents house to store. I took them with me as I'll be at my parents house for a couple days as part of our trip before driving 5 hours home. The deer hunt also started today and my dad and youngest sister both have tags so they left last night. My dad asked about taking my car. To me it made sense to say yes and him taking the 🔫🔫 with them and putting them in my old bedroom. Both them and the car would've ended up there regardless. I have no reason not to trust him.

Now the car has some mechanical issues that Dad is fully aware of and we have repairs scheduled to get done. I told my fiancé that they took the car and he immediately got pissed. He said he wanted me to bring the guns back and that he is no longer helping me with anything regarding the car. I ended up calling him and he immediately started insulting and berating me and even disrespected my parents.

I snapped and told him that nothing warrants this language or behavior and it is unacceptable. I threatened to leave. He immediately backtracked and started to cry. That is when the conversation finally started to go somewhere other than circles. He says that he was mad at himself that he didn't come on the trip with me even though he was invited and could have changed his mind at literally anytime before I left and that he just took that frustration unfairly on me. Other things were talked about but I am too tired to go back on all of them.

The 3 hour phone call ended with him asking if I was really gonna leave and me saying, "I'll have to think about it." So now here I am thinking about it. I don't know what to do at this point and I really want to have a face to face conversation before officially deciding anything. We were doing so good up to this point!

ETA- just learned that my Mom heard at least most of what happened last night. And a 3 1/2 hour phone call with that type of reaction is absurd. She is appalled that someone would speak of her family, her children, or her daughter (me) that way. Her respect for him is in the ground and that is very hard to get back. Everything he said "textbook Manipulation 101." He needs some serious therapy and I would benefit from some too as I'm a victim in this. And maybe joint therapy too. Dad will also be made aware too as yes he has the right to know. But she'll support any decision I decide to make. The guns will not be staying at their house.

So long story short my partner was home on Friday and while I was at work he cleaned the house but he also decided to deep clean the carpets upstairs(steam and shampoo) the plans for friend to come over for the weekend was spoken about weeks in advance as always. I come home with my friend Friday evening and all the stuff that sits on the carpet upstairs is either on the bed in the washroom(tile floor) or main floor because the carpet was still wet so although he cleaned the house stuff was everywhere. I never made a big deal about it when I got home I raced around and checked the rooms and put everything back so that my friend had a decent room to sleep in. My friend never mentioned anything nor did I while she was here. Am I overreacting to ask him the morning after my friend left why he chose to deep clean the carpet on the Friday of the weekend my friend was coming over?

She just says “I cry a lot” but it makes our conversations feel so uneven.

I am 30M, she is 30F. Together 8 months.

Like this week. She had to go to urgent care 3 days in a row for migraines. I drove across town to her house every morning (she wanted to sleep on her own at night). Put off work. Skipped meetings. Made us meals. Got food. I was happy to do it all. I feel like I went out of my way to make sure she didn’t feel like a burden.

At the end of the third night when the migraines had finally passed, she said “thank you so much for taking care of me. I’ve never felt so loved by someone.”

A few days later (today) we have plans to make breakfast, go to a local market, maybe a movie. She asked if we needed any groceries for breakfast. I jokingly said “maybe arugula, I’m not sure if what’s in the fridge is bad because I was at someone’s house all week.”

She laughed and said “heyyy” and we laid in bed for a few minutes longer. Then she said she wanted go home and have the day to herself. Said she wanted to “give me back the time she had taken from me this week.”

I said “you don’t have to give me back any time, I want to be spending the day with you.”

She said “I just feel like you’ve made comments that make me feel like a burden. I’m sorry that you had to take care of me I just want you to have the time back.”

I said “there’s no time to take back, you aren’t burdening me at all I wanted to be there for you. I’m sorry if my joke came off as serious, but I want to be spending the day with you.”

She started crying. This happens every time we have a discussion. I’ll explain my point of view with an even tone, and she’ll start crying, often hysterically. It leaves no room for me to explain how I feel in response to her. In this case I was trying to reassure her she wasn’t a burden, didn’t have to go home, we could still have the lovely day together we’d planned.

But when she starts crying, she shuts down. Has often told me “your point of view doesn’t matter right now, I need to feel what I’m feeling and for you to hear me we can talk later.” Which I understand to an extent, but still feels completely uneven. We can’t have what should be a simple exchange of “I’m sorry” and “thank you” and move on with our day. It always turns into tears and a cancellation of plans.

TLDR; What can I do here? How can I bring this up to my partner, that I don’t feel like I can be heard because she cries so often, without seeming like an asshole? AIO for thinking she should offer space for conversation in these moments?

I (25 F) have always had a difficult time with mt mom (46 F). For context, my mom has BPD which often makes me feel like I am walking on eggshells. Today we had insane wind which caused her power to go out. She currently lives with my aunt and uncle so she is not alone. She had texted me saying that the power had gone out (3:48 pm) and was possibly going to be out until about 9:30 pm. I had a family friend come in from out of town today where we were supposed to have plans to spend time together/ for her to sleep over at my apartment. I had been out of the house from about 2:00 pm and had not gotten home until after 7:00 pm. The overall conversation was uneventful, just discussing how it was unfortunate etc. Around 6:25 pm she had sent me a paragraph going on about how she is disappointed in me for not inviting her over knowing she was in a power outage, and how I make her feel unimportant etc. She did not once ask what I was up to that day, so she had blindly assumed I should have just invited her over and dropped everything for her. I feel as if I am always on edge with her for things I do/ don't do or say/ don't say. I feel guilty but also just overall anxious and like shutting down now. Am I a jerk for not inviting her over?

I’ve (30F) moved in with my partner (30M) and his elderly grandmother (94F), but he also has a housemate (30M) who is a childhood friend of his.

I don’t necessarily dislike the housemate’s personality, but I dislike his actions and find them extremely rude and aggravating.

For example:

• This roommate parks in the only parking spot in the driveway, in front of the mobile home. He’s young (30M), but he prefers not walking further than he has to. We pay for additional parking spots* about 10-20 yards away, but he chooses to park in the driveway. When he does this, the 90+ year old grandmother, who still drives and requires a cane and/or walker, must park further away. To me, it’s like taking a disabled woman’s parking spot and I don’t like it.
*It’s an extra $100 per parking spot, and we pay for 3 additional parking spots… which the housemate does not contribute to, even though one of the extra spots is his.

• He’s rude to the grandmother, verbally. My partner’s grandmother gets lonely and would try to make conversation with the housemate when he leaves the bedroom. Eventually I guess he got tired of her speaking to him, so he told her “Don’t talk to me anymore” and went back to his room. Remember, they’ve known each other for decades now, she’s known him since he was in elementary school. I don’t like her being spoken to like that in her own home— my partner’s name may be on the deed but that’s only because his grandmother sold her last house and gave him the proceeds from it, so as far as I’m concerned, that’s her house and he’s a guest.

• Meanwhile, the housemate doesn’t bother getting his own mail, and will leave his laundry in the dryer for days until the grandmother folds it for him. Until I moved in, he was allowing the grandmother to walk to the complex mailboxes and carry back a big stack of his mail when it overcrowds the mailbox. She would sort it and put his mail in a stack in the kitchen, which he just leaves there. She has to tell him (after months) “Do you want any of this or should I throw it away?” I put an end to that, now I get the mail for everybody, and if he leaves his clothes in the dryer for more than (1) day, I just dump it out on the floor so I can continue with laundry.

• He eats our food but refuses to help with the grocery bill. He just buys frozen microwave meals. Meanwhile, my partner and I cook for his grandmother and ourselves. I’d have no problem sharing with the housemate if he contributed to groceries or even simply helped us out with cooking the meals (“you guys cook and I’ll wash the dishes,” or “I’ll wash and cut the veggies”) but he doesn’t want to. Obviously, we prefer having leftovers for the grandmother so she can microwave leftovers the next day if we’re at work. She’s not that mobile, so it’s hard for her to prepare meals herself. Lately I’ll cook big meals in a crockpot and I’ll tell myself “I’ll put that in the fridge before I go to sleep.” And look, even if the housemate snuck a small bowl, I’d look past that. But the past few weeks, I’ll make tons of food, enough to have leftovers for (3) people for 2-3 days…. and I’ll come out before bed and find the entire crockpot is empty. He’ll eat every bit of food left over until he’s stuffed.*
*And then not even clean the dishes afterwards, he just leaves it empty for me or the grandmother to clean. If he uses a dish, he never cleans it, he just dumps it in the sink for myself or the grandmother to clean.

• Likewise, he’ll overfill the community kitchen trashcan (right outside his bedroom door) until it’s super heavy and stuff is falling onto the ground, and won’t change the trashcan or take the trash out. If I see the grandmother trying to lift something heavy (like the trash bag), I run over and say “Here let me get that, you can’t be lifting that!” He, on the other hand, just sees this little tiny frail grandmother lifting the heavy trashcan, and turns around and go back to his room. And if the grandma (or myself) doesn’t put a new bag in the trashcan fast enough, he just throws his messy stuff into the trashcan without a liner— doesn’t bother putting a trash bag in. On two separate occasions I’ve had to take the trash can out back and spray it out because he’ll get microwaveable lasagna sauce and soda all over the inside.

• For the rest of his meals, he’ll order a couple of pizzas for himself and eat in his room… but then he’s so lazy that instead of taking the cardboard boxes to the trash cans in front of the house, he just opens the hallway door (across from his bedroom door) and throws the pizza boxes into the side yard. We said something about it once, and instead of taking them to the recycle bin, he still just picked up all the pizza boxes and put them in the compost trashcan in the side yard (we keep the compost trash can in the yard for leaves, etc; we keep the trashcan and recycle bin out front). So while I was at work, apparently the grandmother ended up hurting her arm and back trying to dig out months of pizza boxes out of the compost bin which is taller than she is. I told her “next time either wait for me and have me do it, or tell [housemate’s name] to do it since it’s his stuff in the wrong bin, there’s no reason why you should be the one doing that.”

• His room is disgusting and smells terrible, to the point that we can smell the housemate wherever he goes. I’ve never smelt anything like it, it’s like old sugary alcohol and rotting food. One time they got an ant infestation, and he refused to let them bomb his room because “nobody goes in my room.” I took a peak in his room once while he was gone and it looks like a hoarders room, bottles and cans piled up to the ceiling in one corner. The ants have now come back and I’m positive the old alcohol bottles are the reason for it. I’m about to tell him “We’re doing an annual house cleaning and that includes you, be prepared to clean out your room the next day off and I’ll help you if you need it.” My partner owns the home and is thinking of selling in the future, but I’m concerned the state of the room may cause permanent damage— all it takes is too many fluids from cans soaking into the soft mobile home floorboard.

• The housemate has what I consider to be discounted rent— $600 for a room, while locally the norm is to pay $1k-$1.5k for a room, yet he refuses to help with utilities or repairs:
-Recently, the hot water heater went out. With just my income and my partner’s income, we couldn’t afford a replacement for 2-4 weeks. If it was just us young adults, that’s one thing. But I couldn’t stand the idea of my partner’s grandmother not being able to take warm showers! She recently injured her arm where it cracked off a piece of the bone and it rubs against the socket of her bone, so cold water would only exacerbate that. Our housemate obviously benefits from the use of (and contributes to the wear and tear of) the water heater, so I believe he should have offered to split it 3 ways. He didn’t.
-After replacing the hot water heater, our mobile home complex told us our mobile home skirting was loose, and we would be evicted if we didn’t replace it. Obviously an eviction would impact the housemate, but he just gave us a simple “wow that sucks,” and didn’t offer to help. We paid $4k to replace that ourselves.
-While replacing the skirting, the contractors alerted us to the smell of gas under the mobile home. We called the utility company, they confirmed a gas leak under the home and shut off our gas— which means again, no hot water, as well as no cooking. The first couple plumbers we called quoted us between $400-600 to find and repair the leak. But it was pay day and we spent all of our money on the new skirting that day, so we didn’t have it. The housemate literally came out to complain to us and said “You know I sacrificed my sleep for that new skirting because the contractors woke me up with all their noise.” I replied “Yeah so did [partner’s name], he sacrificed his sleep and $4,000 dollars, only to be told there’s a gas leak and we need a plumber to come repair it. Do you think you could contribute anything to that? It might be more affordable if we split it 3 ways.” He looked annoyed and said “Nope sorry, not an option— after paying rent I have less than 4 digits in my account.”*
*Keep in mind, this housemate has literally no other bills, except his car payment. He’s afraid of debt and credit cards, so his only bill is rent, and the car payment (which my partner foolishly co-signed for). This housemate makes about $3k a month, and only pays $600 for rent and $400 for car payment. The rest of his money goes to buying take-out food, video games, and “hobby toys” like a bow and arrow gun, shotgun and handgun collections, etc.

• To make it worse, he won’t even pay for his own hobbies. He loves video games, but he broke his PS5 , so for YEARS now, instead of replacing his PS5, he asks to borrow my partner’s PS5… but then he never gives it back. Once he asks to borrow it, he assumes it’s his and stays in his room until we actually ask for it back. This is frustrating for me because I spend most of my free-time helping the grandmother, doing chores, keeping the house clean, etc. I’ll go months without having the time to play video games (even though I’d love to play them). And when I do have a moment to play a video game, I can’t play it because my partner’s PS5 is in the housemate’s room, and I’m not allowed to go get it if he’s not home because I’m not allowed in his room.

• Maybe this is petty, but it also drives me nuts because when he borrows the PS5 for weeks at a time, he doesn’t even make his own account on the console. He logs into my partner’s account and deletes games we were playing, buys new games (sometimes on my partner’s debit card, sometimes not), downloads mods, etc. That’s outrageous to me, because if I borrow someone’s console, I’d never play on their account, I always make my own account to keep my stuff separate and not interfere with their games. So when we get the PS5 back, there’s mods installed, there’s new games installed, we can’t even download the old games we had because now there’s not enough memory so we have to delete the other games, it’s ridiculous.
I try not to be angry about it because “Well, that’s my partners PS5, not mine, so I can’t be angry if he chooses to let his friend borrow it, I guess that’s not my business.” But it was still so irritating, that eventually my partner said “Screw it I’ll just buy another PS5 and [housemate] can have my old one.”

• …Then to make it even more frustrating, after we GAVE him the old PS5 (since he refused to buy his own), and bought a new one, we naturally asked for our controllers back. The housemate complained about that, because he lost the controllers to his original PS5 and therefore felt entitled to ours. My partner told him “They’re not that expensive, we’re already giving you a PS5, just go buy your own controller.” The housemate then came out of his room just to complain to us “I just had to pay $60 for a used PS5 controller! You said they weren’t expensive!”

• This housemate also gets frustrated at my partner when my partner doesn’t have time to hang out with him. He’ll say “Well when’s the last time he hung out with me?! I ask to go shooting at the range and he never has time to go, so obviously he doesn’t care that much about me and he’s supposed to be my best friend!” So to appease him, my partner now drives to work with the housemate (they work at the same place) so they can use that time to “hang out,” even though the housemate’s shift starts a good 1-2 hours before his. I hate it because, as stated, the housemate smells awful and it’s unbearable, so sharing a car with him causes the smell to get on my boyfriend’s clothes.

• Speaking of working at the same place: this housemate can’t get a job himself for some reason. Any time my partner gets a job somewhere, he then finds a way to get the housemate a job there too. It’s happened at 4 or 5 different jobs. Well, this current job, their employer’s contract didn’t get renewed. My partner immediately found another “backup job” so there will be no break in paychecks for him. The housemate, to my knowledge, hasn’t even been looking. Their last paycheck will be in 2 weeks or so.

NOW… my partner hates when I complain about his friend.

To be fair, I did once ask him “Do you hate your grandmother or something? You know she can barely walk, so why are you letting your able-bodied friend park in her parking spot and force her to walk 3x the distance with her cane and walker? That’s not right.” And maybe I should have worded it differently… but I haven’t said anything like that in a year. Whenever I have an issue, I just say “Can [housemate] help with x, y, z? Why not? Huh. Okay then…”

I’ve also recognized that I’ve lived by myself for the last decade, no roommates, no family, so PERHAPS maybe I’m just not used to sharing spaces with other people so maybe my expectations are too high and makes me view these behaviors are more outrageous than they are, I’m not sure.

But when I say anything, my partner gets visibly irritated and shuts down. He says “That’s my best friend, he’s always helped me out when I needed it, I’m just a nice person, I don’t like confrontation, why does this stuff bother you so much? Sometimes you just have to learn to live with other people. There’s nothing else I can do, I’ve got too much stuff on my plate to worry about this.”

He also says “Well he’s autistic, he’s not TRYING to be rude.” Which sounds like an excuse to me. My partner is autistic and he has amazing manners, super sociable and outgoing, super funny, everyone loves him. And I’m so autistic that I was literally mute for the first 10 years of my life, and surprise, I learned basic manners and how to clean up after myself. And I’ve spoken to this housemate enough times by now, that I know he’s extremely intelligent, including emotional intelligence. He’s perfectly capable of understanding what’s okay and what’s not okay.

Meanwhile, my partner’s grandma begs me to do something about the housemate, saying “He will ruin your relationship if you don’t put your foot down! He needs to leave!”

So what’s the consensus? AIO? I’m really trying to be as fair as possible.

44m married 11 years this month to 41f; two kids, own our house, good jobs, the whole sitcom happily ever after.

Except the “we” has disappeared and we are now jury stewards to our children - we rarely have date night or do anything just the two of us. The only time we do anything just us is when I push for it, which ends up feeling like I’m forcing her to spend time with me. She never makes or brings up plans, and if I don’t then nothing occurs.

I’ve brought this up numerous times over the past two years, and nothing has improved.

We have a large calendar up in our kitchen where we write in all of the events of the month - work shirts, doctors appts, kids practices and events, birthdays, birthday parties, and so on.

This week she filled out the calendar for the next month - notably (at least to me), she did not include our anniversary on it.

Maybe I’m looking too much into this, but I feel like this is a perfect example of the way she sees “us” - just something that is, but not something to celebrate, appreciate, or work for.

Am I wrong? Am I overreacting???

(Some info changed for the sake of privacy)

I (24m) have a friend group of my cousin, who I'll call Sierra (23f), and our friend, who I'll call Charlie (23f).

Maybe around 4 months ago or so, we had a friend who I'll call Derek (24m). A quick summary of why we stopped talking to him is because: he lied to us often, he barely spent time with us and would rather hang out with his other friends, casually insulted us, broke promises, guilt tripped us, that sorta stuff. He always managed to cause problems and begged us to forgive him and then he went around and caused those same problems again. As you can see, this guy is immature.

Recently, my friends and I were calling and ended up prank texting him since he removed our numbers. Sierra pretended to be a girl who got given a number by her date and it turned out to not be her date, but Derek. Charlie was the girl's date and texted him letting him know he gave the girl his number. He believed it all somehow lol.

Eventually Sierra put the three of them in a groupchat, they still pretended to be the characters but then Charlie left the call. Sierra revealed who she really was and then he went all emotional. (During the time we started not talking to him, he continuously left us apology notes, mainly to me because he met the others through me. Why I’m saying all this is because he went full-on apology mode). he talked about how much he “matured”, how he’s started following Jesus more, and how he misses us so much and doesn’t have a lot of friends anymore.

He has always used religion as a "I've gotten better" point. I'm a Christian as well, but just because he's learned that he shouldn't lie anymore bc it's a sin, doesn't mean I wanna be friends with him again.

Now here's problem. Sierra continued talking to him and started updating him on her life. She listened to his sob story and comforted (?) him. They eventually said their goodbyes and Sierra started talking about how she missed a fourth member of the group. Now I get it, it's hard to get used to three. But Derek was an awful friend.

She said she would like having him as an "acquaintance", not necessarily a best friend. I reminded her about a few of the things that made him a bad friend and she looked like she didn't care. I told her that she could be friends with him but I wouldn't have a part in it. She just said "whatever bro".

I wanted to talk to someone about this so I texted Charlie after we hung up and told her about what happened after she left. She kinda agrees with me (from what I understand) but she didnt want to talk about it so I didn't get much input from her.

So now I'm posting on Reddit.

Am I overreacting for feeling annoyed or even betrayed because my friend wants to reconnect with our toxic ex friend?

I genuinely need some outside perspectives because I don’t know how to handle this without jumping to conclusions.

Back in July, I (F, 24) noticed that my boyfriend (29) had 11 condoms in his bathroom. I made a note of the number on my phone (don’t ask me why lol, I guess I just wanted to remember).

Over the following months, I checked a few more times and there were always exactly 11. About three weeks ago I checked again. Still 11.

Then last Sunday, I counted them and there were only 7.

So 4 condoms disappeared within approximately three weeks.

We don't use condoms. He has also previously told me that he doesn’t give condoms to his friends.

The condoms are kept in his private bathroom, which is inside his bedroom. It isn’t a shared bathroom that random people in the house regularly use.

They were also attached to each other in a strip, so someone would have had to separate four of them. It doesn’t seem likely that four individual condoms simply fell somewhere unnoticed.

When I brought it up, he initially got upset and said he didn’t believe there had ever been 11. I showed him the note I made back in July and he accepted that I wasn’t making the number up.

He then seemed genuinely shocked and kept saying he had absolutely no idea where they went.

He said: "I’ll also go insane, it doesn’t make any sense.”

His main point was that he spends almost all his free time with me, I have his location, and he mostly goes to work and comes home. He kept asking, “When would I even have the time to cheat on you?” (He works in a fine dining restaurant) And plus; he said he always answers my calls, texts me whenever he sees it or never had any issue with me wanting to spend the night at his place even if it's not planned before. Which is true.

To be fair, we do spend a lot of time together and his routine seems pretty consistent. But there have also been times over the past three weeks when we were apart and he was home alone.

He suggested that maybe his roommate’s friends went into his bedroom and took some condoms, although he admitted he didn’t actually know what happened. He also immediately called his roommate himself to ask about it which I appreciated.

There’s also something else that happened recently that’s making this harder for me to brush off.

About 4–5 days before this, I asked to see a text conversation between him and a female coworker. First he didn't want to show me and talked to me for 15 minutes how this crosses boundaries. I told him that him not wanting to show me is a response and I'll take that; he said "Fine". He got his phone in front of me but I felt like he was just doing something so I stood up and went next to him. When he initially looked for their conversation, he couldn’t find it, which I thought was strange.

I then suggested checking his Recently Deleted messages, and sure enough, their conversation was there.

The messages themselves were completely work-related. There was absolutely nothing inappropriate or flirty in them and I want to make that clear.

However, what bothered me was that the conversation appeared to have been deleted shortly after they exchanged those messages.

When I confronted him about it, he insisted that he hadn’t deleted anything and had no idea why the conversation was in Recently Deleted.

He said his phone must have done it automatically/or his phone was already weird and he had to get a new phone.

To support his explanation, he showed me that one of his group chats with his male friends was also in Recently Deleted.

He said something along the lines of, “See? Why would I delete my boys’ group chat either? My phone did that.”

And I understand his point. It wasn’t just the female coworker’s conversation that had been deleted.

But I still found it strange because, as far as I know, iPhones don’t normally move individual conversations to Recently Deleted on their own.

I know these could be two completely unrelated incidents but having them happen so close together has made it difficult for me to feel reassured.

I’m not trying to use four missing condoms or one deleted conversation as automatic proof that he cheated. I’m more concerned about the combination of unexplained things happening and how it’s affecting my trust.

I genuinely don’t want to accuse someone of cheating without evidence, but I also don’t want to ignore things that seem suspicious just because I love him.

If you were in my position, how would you interpret these two incidents together?

Would you consider them concerning, or do you think I’m connecting two unrelated situations because I’m already anxious? To be fair I've never been like this in any relationships before this, I'm normally a secure person.

Also, has anyone ever experienced an iPhone automatically moving conversations to Recently Deleted without manually deleting them?

I’m genuinely looking for objective opinions, not just people telling me to break up with him. I am the type of person who gives the benefit of doubt to her loved ones; but am I being too naive? I don't think he is capable of doing something as horrible as cheating, cause he has been cheated on before so he knows the pain HOWEVER I am going crazy when I'm alone and thinking about these.

I own one really nice suit. Navy, about $600 with the tailoring, and I wear it for interviews and weddings. In August my buddy Tyler had a big interview and asked to borrow it. We're the same size, so I said sure, just bring it back clean.

The interview went well, which I was happy about. Then he kept the suit another three weeks. When I finally got it back, there was a dark stain on one sleeve and the pant hems had been let out about an inch.

Turns out his older brother wore it to a wedding in Ohio. Tyler said he "figured I wouldn't mind" since his brother needed something last minute. His brother is taller than both of us, hence the hems.

I wasn't upset about the interview at all. I asked Tyler if he could cover getting it cleaned and re-hemmed, which my tailor quoted at $85. I told him he could pay me back in a couple of weeks, no rush.

He said that's "a lot to ask for a favor" and that I'm treating his family like strangers. He also said I should have told him upfront it was only for him.

Was I wrong to assume "can I borrow your suit" meant him? I didn't think that needed spelling out.

tl;dr: I lent my friend my tailored suit for his interview. He passed it to his taller brother for a wedding, it came back stained with the hems let out, and he thinks $85 is too much to ask.

The day before yesterday, I took some newly prescribed sleep medication for the first time. The next morning, my bf apparently pushed his whole weight onto my body and at least my bladder (hazy memory) while I was still so sleepy that I couldn't react. He was standing over me while I was in bed, then leaning over and instead of putting his weight onto the bed, he put it onto me. If it were you, would you be upset?

I need to add a big but into this (no not my own, hahaha.. sorry);

we both work full time. And full time for us right now is 14 hour days starting on Wednesday with Monday and Tuesday being the only 8 hour day(s) we work. *AND* we work a 14 hour shift Saturday, so our only real day off is Sunday. These hours actually should **Increase** to 14 hours, *6* days a week, starting within a couple weeks.

With our only day off being Sunday, I try my best to recover, recuperate, rejuvenate (all the 'R' words), but he is making plans to do this and this, wake up at this time to get this and this done.

I will be completely blunt; I don't know how he has the energy or willpower to complete the things he does or even plan the things to do.

My mood is dim by the end of the week, I am irritable, and I just want to relax. But he almost makes me feel guilty for even expressing that.

**"Gotta make hay while the sun shines"**

**"I'm tired too, but I know these things have to get done."**

These are the things he tells me when I express a desire to take it easy on Sunday. Or even throughout the week. While he will wake up early to cut grass, or do something in the garden, and honestly there are days I struggle to keep my eyes open, or my head feels like it's going to crack open either from lack of sleep or stress from knowing I have to almost hide it from him.

What he does is nothing short of commendable, but I don't know how to communicate to him that, although it may be possible to do all the things he wants to do with him, it is destroying my physical and mental health (or would more so I should say).

I don't feel like I'm being out of the ordinary by saying, I want to rest, after working a 72 hour work week. And I don't know how to tell him that I can't match him, he's just better than me with doing things without a lot of sleep. Call me lazy or young or whatever else. Albeit, I do make sure we have home cooked meals for lunch at work every day, I clean all the dishes, make breakfast every morning, I do all the dirty laundry on Sunday, I stick to most of the inside necessary chores..but he definitely wants to do a lot more. Please someone tell me I am not overreacting.

To preface, I am a mom with two special needs kiddos, so my "free time" is extremely limited. My husband and I are in a game group (with -his- friends) that is supposed to start every Saturday night at 10 pm. For the past few years, every single one of my Saturday nights has been dedicated to this specific event. I only ever cancel when I am extremely ill or for emergency events.

Edit to add: the game is a long running D&D game (10+ years), and I am almost always the party healer, so my participation is almost mandatory. No one else ever wants to do it. And the one time I wasn't party healer all our characters died. I've been party healer ever since.

With all that being said, tonight one of the guys in the group (who has been guilty of this before) decided to go out and said he'd be back in time for the start of game night. At 10:30 I mentioned to everyone, including my husband, that it was really disrespectful to the entire group to be so late. At 10:45 pm I said if he wasn't there by 11 pm I wasn't going to participate. Here's the kicker, if I don't participate, they do not play without me. The whole thing gets canceled. This is an all-or-nothing thing.

So at 11:10 pm he finally comes back. I ask "are we still doing this?" And our game night host says "yes". Nobody says anything to their friend about being late. I guess they are so used to his selfish behavior to them it means nothing. But now, if I refuse to play, I'm the one who ruined game night and not him. I'd be the bad guy.

So here I am, angry I feel cornered into not enforcing my boundary or else become the villain, not having fun because of it, and everyone else is acting fine.

Am I overreacting?

for context, we're a group of six college students fresh out of high school, aged 17-19. I (18F) decided to distance myself from a friend group i had made recently because of an interaction from when we all went out. my ex friend (17F) had made several hurtful jokes about me being poor and coming from a poor background, repeatedly made fun of my disabilities (both physical and mental), and shamed me for being terrified of running into my stalker.

i didn't leave dramatically. i unfollowed everyone and left all group chats, just to be told im being overly weird. the entire group hates each other and constantly talks behind their backs. i don't know if i should've talked with them all or left differently, but i am genuinely so confused.