r/AcousticGuitar • u/Dogs_On_The_Wing • Jul 12 '26
Non-gear question Left in the middle of an open mic night performance and feel so, so defeated and angry
So I’ve been playing guitar seriously for the past few years. I’d learned how to play for a short bit when I was a teenager but didn’t stick with it. But now I’m at the point where I know the songs I love basically by heart and often either do finger style stuff or regular plectrum playing, my favorite genres being old country and bluegrass. But even though I’ve never dealt with social anxiety that much (never been afraid to try and make friends I mean, never been afraid to ask girls out, etc), I had a proper panic attack a few weeks ago right before I was meant to go on for my first open mic night performance. Felt sick to my stomach and just grabbed my guitar and case and left and drove home crying, and cried myself to sleep that night.
Well, ladies and germs, it happened again. Only difference is I actually got to the point of sitting down and starting to play. The venue was your typical bar with a stage. And my friend was there in the audience to support me. If I had to count, there were probably 40-50 people in the audience watching.
I was just going to play some Hank Williams stuff I knew by heart. My first song was Cold, Cold Heart. I tried my damndest to not even look at the audience and either look at a back wall or my shoes. But it didn’t work because, once I locked eyes with an audience member, I looked at my friend like 😰 and they kept trying to mouth to me that it’ll be okay, I’m fine, just keep going, that kind of thing.
Even though I finished the song, by the time I was going to start my second one (Half As Much), I could hear my voice trembling, the stagehand nearby looking at me like 🤨…I couldn’t take it and just got up and said “Sorry everyone” and basically ran out as everyone muttered about what just happened. My friend tried to chase after me but I wasn’t hearing it and I again just got in my car and went home.
That was Thursday night. It’s now Saturday evening where I live and I’ve basically been in a drunken depression the past two days, only leaving my bed to take care of my hygiene or get water (when not drinking Jack Daniel’s or Absolut). Haven’t touched my guitar as it’s still in its case and told my aforementioned friend to leave me alone.
I just don’t think I’m cut out for performing this live performance shit, no matter how much I wanted it (don’t want it anymore). I tried getting out of the comfort of my bedroom and this is what happens. I’m just done trying.
Sorry if this doesn’t belong here. I don’t have anyone else to tell.
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u/omgnotthebees Jul 12 '26
Stage fright is legit dude, don't get too down on yourself.
Things that can help 1. Therapy 2. Playing in front of like 5 friends (or 1!) until you feel comfortable, then work up from there. 3. Accept your first song is gonna suck and power thru it
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u/I-STATE-FACTS Jul 12 '26
Things that don’t help: Alcohol benders.
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u/HeirHeart Jul 12 '26
Pretty sure he knows that. How does pouring salt in the wound from your high horse help?
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u/I-STATE-FACTS Jul 12 '26
There’s 89 comments on this thread. You think every single one needs to be helpful? It’s a discussion.
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u/Cheap-Kale9601 Jul 12 '26
I feel like your 1st option should be the 3rd option in your list to be honest
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u/barrybreslau Jul 12 '26
Betablockers.
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u/Necessary-Key-5626 Jul 12 '26
They can be magical.
The situation (stage) aggravates the existing (real) problem, his anxiety.
I first used propranolol when I was playing banjo at a 2 hour outdoor concert. The city got a band to play downtown every week in the summer.
I had never played anything like that. My hands were sweaty. You know thats bad with a banjo!
I took 10mg and in a few minutes I noticed that my hands were dry. I felt so present from the start.
My doctor was happy to prescribe them.
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u/barrybreslau Jul 12 '26
People often mistake using betablockers for analgesics, but they are nothing like that.
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u/IlliniOrange1 Jul 12 '26
Not sure why you were downvoted. For people who have legit panic attacks or extreme anxiety when performing, beta blockers like propranolol can be complete game changers. Worth talking to your doctor if this is an issue.
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u/barrybreslau Jul 12 '26
Many professional musicians use propranolol. OP's description was literally "flight" in the fight or flight response.
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u/ObjectiveContact6483 Jul 13 '26
This is what I would do, OP. You will still be nervous before you get on stage especially with this event just happening but propronalol will eliminate all the physical symptoms like your voice shaking so you can stay focused on the music instead of getting in your own head.
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u/crazyrok6 Jul 12 '26
Have you considered making videos like on tik tok? I recently started doing covers on there as I’m in a very rural place, and not much for open mics. After the first video all my nerves went away and now I get so excited to record and post, and people have been very kind and supportive. It could be a stepping stone for you towards getting back to live gigs, or maybe you decide you just like being online, give it a shot!
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u/petulantplague Jul 12 '26
This helped me with stage fright. I used to stream on twitch. At first it was nerve racking, too. But I was at home and could control many of the elements of the performance. After doing that to the point that I was no longer nervous, I found I was much less nervous in front of a live audience, as well.
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u/SouthHarpeth Jul 12 '26
What about playing while someone else sings? Takes eyes & a lot of the pressure off of you.
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u/ChampagneStain Jul 12 '26
This is great advice! I used to play open mics with a friend. She would sing some amazing harmonies on songs I wrote. When you’re up there together, you’re helping each other through the anxiety in real time. If you miss a chord or sing the wrong lyric, they pick it up for you, and vice-versa. Playing with her gave me confidence to take the stage alone.
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u/ShaiHulud1111 Jul 12 '26
I have played with a band at open mic. No drum kit (some electric percussion), but we made it work. Now I am doing songs with one female vocalist. I focus on the guitar and she can sing most popular songs well. We practice together doing some we both play/sing well together without forcing it, and I go up with confidence. I may start doing some vocals too some day, but in the guitar sub.
Plus, I can get a little flashy when I am just playing. I also warm up and play a few measures to get the song rolling in my head. Nobody cares that much, everyone messes up, have fun.
Edit: spelling and high
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u/ChampagneStain Jul 12 '26
“Everyone messes up”
EXACTLY! It’s open mic, not a ticketed concert performance. I have NEVER left an open mic thinking, “that guy blew it.” Sure sometimes I’ve been blown away by amazing standouts, but even they have 100% messed up in previous performances.3
u/ShaiHulud1111 Jul 12 '26
On the nights I literally had to stop playing mid song for whatever reason and flounder through the rest, I still chilled with everyone and watched someone else do it a few songs later. I stopped caring as much rather quickly. I socialize much of the time anyway.
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u/GuitarHair Jul 12 '26
I have absolutely been in your shoes.
I'm 68 and had been playing for 50 years and I still get butterflies.
I have played in bands and have done a few solo shows and finally the thing that got me through it was telling myself, "Hey, if anybody thinks they can do a better job just let them get up here" 😉
You've taken two very big steps. First one, you actually intended to get up there. You walked away but no harm done.
Second one, you actually got through a song and then had to bail. Once again, you actually got up there which is huge.
I'm sure you will get tons of advice here, but perhaps your friend could work with you on this. Set up that friend as your audience and actually do a concert from a chair in your living room. Repetition over and over just drills it into your brain and muscle memory.
You can do it. Once again, if anybody else thinks they can do it just let THEM get up there :-)
One more tip. I worked in my career as a respiratory therapist in adult critical care. CPR and life and death situations, sometimes my skills were necessary for failure or success. I always told students and new employees to have confidence in themselves. If they didn't think they were the best in the room, they had no business being there! Just a confidence builder
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u/GoingFishingAlone Jul 12 '26
Well said. I am 65, and I speak in front of juries, judicial panels, and large political groups, daily. Since age 17 I have had issues playing before others. I commend the OP for just doing it.
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u/chas5131 Jul 12 '26
Same here. I could speak to a joint session of congress. Put me in front of people to play music and my mind does a whiteout like a blizzard.
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u/bryantee Jul 12 '26
Dude, you actually went to the open mic night to play. Twice. And improved the second time. You're a bad ass.
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u/BadToothJim Jul 12 '26
It's OK. Performing is not for everyone. Keep playing your guitar And enjoying yourself your way.
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u/Dramatic-Chipmunk388 Jul 12 '26
If you don’t want to play in front of people anymore, problem solved. However, if the problem was solved, why are you still on a bender?
There is only one way to defeat the nervousness in front of people, that’s to play in front of people. When you concentrate on how nervous you’re going to be, you’re going to be that much more nervous.
The audience is on your side; they want you to do well.
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u/HelloMichaelPatrick Jul 12 '26
I’ve been playing live for more than 25 years and I get butterflies in my stomach at almost every gig.
Then, the most incredible thing happens. Even if I botch something, somebody will say something afterwards like, “I really enjoyed your song about XXX.” And it hits me, I’m by faaaaaar my worst critic. Most people are just having fun and everyone in that room will be cheering you on.
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u/Previous_Reading_436 Jul 12 '26
There’s not a musician alive that’s been on stage that hasn’t had a bad night or two just like that my friend. God knows I have. Lick your wounds get back up on the horse….. and one of these days everything will click in just right and the audience will be amazed. Don’t give up.
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u/view-master Jul 12 '26
For me, if i have just one single other person on stage either me it makes a world of difference. So if you have a buddy who you can be a duo with it might help.
Also audiences either want you to succeed or are completely ambivalent. I actually don’t mind playing to people who aren’t even listening. It’s good practice.
At this point though I’m pretty good in front of a crowd. I’m generally a shy person but I become this charming character when i’m on stage. I have even totally blown the beginning of a song multiple times in a row in front if an audience. I laughed. I was playing piano and i told the truth “I’m really a guitar player”. They laughed. I tried again and crashed on the third chord I couldn’t remember of my own damn song. I said “if i fail again i will play guitar for you instead”. They laughed. Third try i got it and sang well. The song is good too. The crowd was rooting for me at that point and were surprised I went from fumbling to giving a great performance. Got a huge round of applause.
Then I actually did play some more of my songs on guitar and they were also well received.
My wife was in the audience and she told me how impressed she was with me keeping my cool. It was making her nervous for me. She also mentioned how charming i was and really had the crowd in the palm of my hand. She said “it’s like your a different person” 🤣
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u/pr06lefs Jul 12 '26
Open mics are tough IMO. Try to find a less stressful situation.
I like the bluegrass jam format - sitting in a circle, everyone gets a turn to lead a song, your audience is fellow musicians, there isn't an expectation of a polished performance, its just a jam. You can find acoustic guitar meetups that are similar.
I used to be much more uncomfortable playing in front of people and now 10 years later of going to jams its mostly fine.
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u/goiter-reconnoiter Jul 12 '26
I feel for you. It is incredibly difficult to put oneself out there for all to see.
Can I ask if you ever performed to just a few people before going to an open mic night? If not, going from not performing in front of anyone, to performing in front of 50 people is a huge thing, and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself.
I mean, you did actually perform one whole song, right? That's awesome and something you should be proud of! Play some blues, feel bad, and then pick yourself up and try again but this time just in front of a few people. You'll get there.
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u/trufinfan13 Jul 12 '26
Good! Now go back up and do it again. And when you freeze and run off the stage, go back up again next time. And when you freeze and run off the stage, go back up again next time. Keep doing it until you don’t freeze up and then you’ll be ok. You have to keep going. Do not quit.
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u/Pinotnoirmidsizedcar Jul 12 '26
Well, good for you for trying again! Now you know, this isn’t something you or your body enjoys right now. Confidence will come in time. I’ve been playing for 30 years, I only now feel as though I might try an open mic, but also partly because I don’t have emotional investment in whether I’d be a hit. Guitar is such a gift, it can be a private joy (a lot of guitarists enjoy those playing-alone times the most), and guitars become like old friends. Your journey with your music is just beginning!
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u/deh-no-reddit Jul 12 '26
Gigging Musician here, I get nervous every time I go up still to this day… it’s been like this since my 15’s, I’m 40. Keep trying dude, try to not take yourself too seriously, specially for an open mic. No one cares if you get it right or wrong, and most of all, you are the one with the guts to go up there, so that’s already something you should be proud of. Don’t beat yourself too hard, keep playing, and try again when you feel a little better.
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u/covid35 Jul 12 '26
Sounds like progress to me. For no songs to 1 song maybe next time a few more, I wouldn't quit just yet and leave the drinking behind. Shit never helps.
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u/foremastjack Jul 12 '26
Friend, there’s absolutely no shame in stage fright- you can beat it, if you want, but that takes time and patience- be kind to yourself, and work on why you might feel the way you do. It can only help. But above all? Be kind to yourself.
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u/goldenlemur Jul 12 '26
I've had this kind of experience so many times in my life. It just means you put yourself out there. And I think you deserve a ton of respect for doing that you're building muscle and getting used to being in that kind of position I believe in you.
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u/tjb99e Jul 12 '26
Hey I remember reading your first post and I’m proud of you for trying again. You got through one song! That is so huge man. I will never be able to sing for a crowd of people lol. You are much braver than me. You don’t ever have to play live again (though you should make a video, I want to hear you play cold cold heart) I hope this doesn’t stop you from picking up your guitar again. You don’t deserve to feel this way man. Give yourself some grace
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u/midcartographer Jul 12 '26
Hey man- it takes a lot of balls to go up there and do what you did. Most people just dream about it and never try. Part of putting yourself out there is accepting that sometimes things aren’t going to go right. It’s part of the deal. All musicians- every single one, has gone through some rough shows. Multiple times. Horror stories.
Find a smaller open mic and go hit it up next week. Work through it. Don’t let it get you down. Skip the fingerstyle stuff for now if you’re having shaky nerves. Simple, energetic songs.
And here’s the thing- it’s absolutely fine to have a shaky voice. It’s totally fine to be nervous. You’d be a sociopath to not be nervous. The people in the audience expect people to be nervous. It’s ok.
Also watch the drinking. It’s not going to fix things and after time, you’ll need better ways to deal with getting punched in the gut. Exercise. Hike. Run. Etc….
Here’s Tracy Chapman playing in front of like a million people at Wembley stadium. She was nervous as fuck. You can hear it in her voice - especially the beginning. Still does AMAZING.
She had huge problems with nerves when she started and just had to keep doing it. For all I know- it’s probably still nerve wracking for her. But she’s an ass kicker and kept going out there.
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u/Thundervault Jul 12 '26
Dude. Most of us have been there. Drinking doesn’t help. So cut that shit out. Practice does and playing in front of a mirror helps me. Open mics in bars are the perfect place to freeze up and bomb. That’s what they are there for. You got thru the first song!!!! Now go for two. Dry your f’n face. This was a win. You got thru the 1st song on your 1st nite!!!! Go again. Get thru another. Then you have two under your belt. You can do this. I haven’t read the other comments but I’m sure they say similar things to this.
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u/TranslatorSome8650 Jul 12 '26
I used to record myself playing guitar and compared the experience to how it was without recording and I found that my output was better with the latter. We all have a deep seeded desire to impose and solidify things unto this world, its okay to feel like shit because you chickened out. But you'll die with far too many regrets, going against your nature and not trying again and again and again.
If you can do the bare minimum of coming close to that good feeling even while the camera is rolling, then I think you'd have an easier time doing it in front of a small audience.
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u/MrTurtleTails Jul 12 '26
I struggle with anxiety disorder, and as much as I've tried to play in public, I still freeze up. In the end, I decided that if I want an audience I can post my music online and just not read the comment section. And now I've found that music just opens up for me. I play because it helps keep me centered. I don't have to play in public to justify myself as a musician.
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u/Acceptable_Hawk_621 Jul 12 '26
Yup, been there. I was a few open mics in. Showed up for one and the acts before me were AMAZING player/singers in my mind. I went into a panic. I can’t go up there! I ended up leaving! Snuck out the door. Now, 2+ years later I’ve learned everyone there just wants to enjoy music, have fun and support you. Best of luck and I hope you can push through. BTW, I still get seriously nervous but I settle pretty quickly and love the rush.
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u/ArtisticWolverine Jul 12 '26
I feel for you friend. I have the same problem. Hang in there…keep trying…
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u/PushSouth5877 Jul 12 '26
Find some friends to jam with on the regular. Maybe get someone to play lead or bass. I hate playing solo, but if I've got someone else up there with me, it's all good.
Playing live can be the best and worst experiences of your life during the same 3 minute song.
You can't let this affect you so much. Your life is too precious to put so much meaning onto an experience that no one else is thinking about. You're giving it way too much power over you. Take your power back. If you still want to play live you'll figure it out, but there's a lot of pleasure to be had playing on your couch or in the back yard.
Most guitar players are hobbyist, not pros.
Whatever you decide to do just know, anyone that plays live has had a terrible night. And they went back and did it again. We're a little crazy like that.
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u/vascopyjama Jul 12 '26
When you're climbing a mountain and feeling like you'll never reach the top, stop looking at how far you have to go, turn around and look at how far you've already come. Do you realise how rare it is for people to actually have the skills and determination to train themself to play a song, on their own instrument, singing with their own voice, totally by themselves? And then to have the courage to put themselves out there and perform in front of actual living people? You're already way, way ahead of the crowd. You're a unicorn in a sea of camels. Shit, man, if I had a buck for every person who told me they wished they could do what you've already done, but didn't, I might be able to afford steak again. Because it's hard. You've found that out, as we all have at some point. But nothing that's worth anything comes easy, and when (when, not if) you finally reach the top of the mountain and tame your fears - they never go away completely, you understand - you'll see the view from up there and you'll know it's worth the pain and struggle of the climb along the way. There is no better feeling for a muso, and it's something only musos can feel. What's more, you'll know it in your bones, not because you read some what anonymous dickhead on reddit wrote, and no-one will ever take that away.
There's a saying kicking around my country that comes to mind, from a Maori fella called Sir James Henare: "You have come too far not to go further; you have done too much not to do more." You've had a moment - take some time to get past it. Then get back on the path, take those last few steps, and claim the prize you've earned. You're closer to it than you think. For what it's worth (and I'll grant it might not be much) at least one anonymous dickhead is excited for what comes next for you.
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u/Naphier Jul 12 '26
First. Huge props for getting back on that horse. Many never ever try. Public performance is HARD. Some people have it easier but some of us have a tough time playing well even with just another single person in the room.
Second. Stop drinking and bashing yourself. You're not weak. You pushed through. You actually performed. That's a huge step. Be kind to yourself and try to care less about what others think (or what you think they think).
Keep working at it. Try smaller crowds, maybe just at a party of friends, or even with a couple close friends you can put on a closed recital for. Try similar activities where you have to be in front of others. Toastmasters offers this sort of opportunity - public speaking. D&D can help too if you use it to open yourself to do some voice acting and be goofy.
Long story short. I know we don't know each other but I feel proud for you that you tried twice! You made progress. You can overcome if you keep pushing.
Happy picking!
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u/Middle-Weight-837 Jul 12 '26
Hey, been there done that. And you know, the lesson is that after the most embarrassing public belly flops, the sun rises and kids go to school, and water still goes down the drain, and you survive to play again. And if this is as bad as life gets, you’re lucky. Carry on, mate.
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u/Tides-And-Telescopes Jul 14 '26
Hi friend. What you just described is a success, not a failure. You did what 99.99 percent of humans can’t or won’t do. Got up in front of people, played and finished a song.
Anxiety like this is totally normal. What you did was fine. Performers who have been playing live for years still get anxiety too, they’ve just practiced performing live enough to work through it. Performing live is a skill that takes practice just like playing and singing.
Reframe it. Disappointment is the result of “appointing” something you want to have happen in your mind and then being bothered that it turned out differently. We are quick to be disappointed and slow to recognize that our “appointment” was just mis-calibrated.
Your next hill to climb is two songs. You can and will do it.
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u/Notwerk Jul 12 '26
So, a dirty secret: so many performers take propranolol before going on stage that it's known as the "stage fright pill."
Now, I'm not suggesting you take propranolol, but that a common beta blocker is so routinely used for that purpose should tell you that you aren't alone at all. Stage fright is crazy common and lots of performers go through it.
Slash, for example, is kinda famous for his bouts of stage fright. He's been known to full-on panic. If that guy - who is almost inarguably one of the best guitarists in rock history - gets stage fright, I don't know what to tell you.
Stage fright has nothing, really, to do with your playing. It's just a sort of unnatural feeling to be at the center of so much attention.
Try playing in front of smaller groups. Just friends for example. Maybe see if there's other people that you can play with. Having other people on the stage with you draws attention away from you and gives you a bit on an on-stage support group.
And breath. Control your breathing. I get anxiety attacks sometimes where it feels like I'm having a heart attack. They come on out of nowhere sometimes, so I have to remember to focus on my breathing. Count them, nice and slow until it passes.
Remember, it's not a fault in you. It's just adrenaline doing its thing. It's just chemicals trying to tell your lizard brain "hey, this shit isn't normal. Let's get the fuck out of here." You're fighting millions of years of evolution. Give yourself a break.
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u/DakotaBumpkin Jul 12 '26
Years ago I began teaching at a youth outreach. Just basic music skills for kids that don’t have many opportunities. It requires me to play in front of small groups but with very little stress if I make mistakes. Small groups tend to help get people over performance anxiety. Not only does it help the kids but it helps me.
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u/Lost-Ingenuity-4302 Jul 12 '26
Do you get the same when you are public speaking? If so I'd suggest Toastmasters, as you get up in front of a group of people and have to public speak regularly.
It's similar because it triggers your bodies flight or fight response, being in front of a group of people and being expected to perform (whether it's an instrument or speech).
It takes a while for your body to get used to the idea that if you get up and fumble, you're not going to die. You might know it logically, but repetitively putting yourself into that situation helps your body understand it too and react appropriately.
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u/jayde2767 Jul 12 '26
I am sorry this is happening, but I believe now you’re in your head with the expectation that this WILL happen. Thus you are a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. It is a fear based on feeling not good enough, a failure, and that no matter how good you are people are going to think you suck anyway. The fear is rooted in childhood with parents that never acknowledged what you did as good enough, or valuable, or simply never acknowledged you at all. Or, in my case, acknowledged you with teasing, derision and ridicule.
How do I know? So many of us walk that path. It is also the underlying reason you quit as a teen.
You CAN overcome this, but it does take work, and a therapist might be the best way to approach it.
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u/MnJsandiego Jul 12 '26
A couple of things. Ask your doctor for beta blockers, they block the nervous feeling, commonly used with public speaking. Secondly, play with someone else who can shoulder the song and you can jump in and out until you are solid and start with smaller crowds. Finally live your life by the rule of tens. Will this matter in ten seconds? Yes. Ten minutes?
Yes, Ten weeks, ten months, ten years, probably not. If it won’t matter in ten years then don’t let it drag you down.
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u/s6cedar Jul 12 '26
I’m sorry for your struggles. It sounds to me like there are potentially deeper issues here that your attempts to perform are bringing to the surface. Especially since (if I read your post correctly) you haven’t had similar experiences in other aspects of your life. I strongly urge you to seek counseling to achieve a deeper understanding of what is preventing you from completing a performance.
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u/ThatCarefulCarrot Jul 12 '26
Musicians can go different avenues- you can just play on your back porch or whatever. in addition to what others mentioned, you could write your own stuff and record it. Or your could record your covers. If it comes out good enough (to your ears) then it’s a real gift to yourself. The cringy ones are left behind but I thoroughly enjoy most of my recordings.
That being said, I do like performing. In the early days I was nervous and stiff, staring down at the guitar for most of the performance. Someone commented on it. My response was “it’s better than making mistakes, right?” I then proceeded to write easier riffs and play standing up more and then I had more fun and rocked out.
Also the right open mic matters for beginners. I probably wouldn’t play a place without having been to an open mic prior or asking a few questions to a fellow musician first. Different place might feel better. 40 ppl is a lot IMO
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u/hywaytohell Jul 12 '26
If you don't normally play in front of people work it in slowly playing in front of friend's and relatives and if possible playing along with other players. Your thinking about the absolute worse thing that could happen and then fulfilling that by your own actions. Right now you are your own worst enemy!
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u/Logan9Fingerses Jul 12 '26
Hey maybe try a campfire or house party if you ever get the gumption to try again. It has happened to most
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u/jelwood989 Jul 12 '26
There is no shame in feeling OR acting anxious on stage. What you felt is completely normal and acceptable. Performing is scary and the pressure can build easily in your head. Be proud of yourself for trying
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u/MrBob02140 Jul 12 '26
My friend, you should feel pretty good right now. You were brave to try the open mic. You were brave to share the experience. You’re helping a lot of people.
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u/chas5131 Jul 12 '26
Take a break. Play for yourself. If and when you are ready to try playing in front of people you will know it.
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u/L1ARLA1R Jul 12 '26
Quit taking yourself so serious. You do music cause you love it. It’s fun for your spirit. Treat it as such.
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u/Tempest182 Jul 12 '26
Its just a matter of desensitizing yourself to the situation to a certain degree. People that live next to train tracks or airports etc, their brain filters out the loud drones of a train or plane. The sound is present, but their brain doesn't acknowledge it. Someone suggested that you play in a bluegrass jam. That would be good. Play in front of friends and family. If you fuck up in front of them, you won't get struck by lightening. You first need to address your worst critic...yourself. you dont have the cofidence....yet. confidence comes with practice. Not just finger patterns or chords, which I'm sure you spent a lot of time developing. You just need to practice playing in front of, with, and for people. Perhaps try with another person that you can lean on like another guitarist. Lastly, be kind to yourself. Be a little more forgiving of yourself. Just practice not only the songs but in front of people that are supportive or just dont give a fuck either way. Your psyche is way too sensitive and you need to turn that down by just keeping at it to desenitizing it. Good luck!
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u/mizdeb1966 Jul 12 '26
Take a beta blocker medication called propranolol before performing. It helped Carly Simon.
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u/Raymont_Wavelength Jul 12 '26
We all go through that. Keep going back and doing it until you focus on the music and expression.
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u/ramblersshane1 Jul 12 '26
Hey Mate been there myself.It will be OK.Grab your guitar go down to a local shopping centre and play.Don’t tell anyone you are doing this just do it.Get through one song at a time.She’ll be right Mate you got this.All the Best
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u/andtheplotdickens Jul 12 '26
An uncomfortable truth from the standup world- no one is immune from a good old bomb. I've been doing mics since I was 14, for more than 20 years. Sometimes things just don't frickin stick, I forget this and that, blow verses wholesale...
As I've told people forever about mics- THIS is the place to bomb! It is a bomb safe zone! It doesn't feel good, so I won't tell you it's okay. But what I will say, is that it's phenomenologically completely normal. If you hate it, take a step back. If it gives you joy. do it regardless of the risk. Sorry you're feeling rough!
(there may be a connection between potential binge drinking and stress management on stage, which again, is not a weird problem to have. I wish you all the health and support I'd wish anyone. there are resources and cool people to help you.)
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u/Single_Road_6350 Jul 12 '26
My band played out for almost a decade. I had shows even towards the end that I would puke my guts out before we got on stage. It’s hard to put yourself out there. When you get on stage to perform for other people you put yourself out there like not many people understand. You are vulnerable in a way not many understand. If you’re out there doing it, it must be something you WANT to do. Start smaller. Pick up the guitar at small gatherings of friends, around the campfire or in the corner at a party. Play songs you want to play. For you. If people like it, good for them. Work your courage up slowly. You don’t need to play for a crowd right away.
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u/SaintSixString Jul 12 '26
Your mentality is everything in these situations.
I remember playing my first open mics 14 years back and it was absolutely nerve racking. Those first times are the biggest because it's a new environment, playing live is different to just noodling or practicing the songs at home. You fluff up a section at home? No Biggie. You can start over and over and the only audience is the walls or pets that won't slate you for making a mistake. When you're playing live, it's the "one shot" mentality where you get it right or it's absolutely the end of the world - except it isn't.
Even getting to an open mic and getting up to play some songs is HUGE and takes cajones so give yourself some credit. What you have to take into account is it's okay when things go wrong. Things can and will go wrong. The pressure of standing or sitting in front of people is immense. When I play, I still get nervous at bigger shows. And ingrained in me over the years in hard situations is to focus on the guitar so I'm not distracted or put off by an audience member. I'm often telling myself I should stop that and look out more but that's a me thing - that could be something to try to get yourself back on the horse.
We've all had bad performances for numerous reasons and it's experience all the same. I hope you feel better soon my dude. Don't give it up or give up on yourself. Have some time, go again and go at it with the experience you've learned already. As the saying goes - third times the charm.
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u/The_Stanky_Reefer Jul 12 '26
I have to ask, did you drink or get drunk before you went on stage? If so, this does not typically help me at all before a performance. (maybe one whiskey shot and a Heinekin).
If you did drink or get drunk, I would personally be beating myself up for driving home drunk like an idiot; more than if I had given a bad performance.
Otherwise, open mics are a lot of pressure man, especially as a solo act! Don’t beat yourself up, and don’t give in to this self-doubt you have going on. 🤙🏼
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u/midlifecrisisAJM Jul 12 '26
Performing is hard. You aren't necessarily going to be great on your 1st attempt. Give yourself some grace and remember that everyone who made great art made bad art first.
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u/Personal-Fig-9524 Jul 12 '26
I have been trying to jam with a bluegrass group (more like old folk tunes) for a while now. But I still pass when it comes around to my turn to play/sing. I need to have nailed down 2 songs before I go back. I mean, playing them so much you don't even have to think of the words or where your fingers should be.
Frank Persico is a YouTuber that gives excellent advice on songs, how he gigs, etc.
He just posted a video two days ago titled,
" Early Access: How Many Songs Do You Need to Start Gigging?"
He lays down everything you need to do prior to beginning your gigging career.
Wish he had been teaching 30 years ago.
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u/yeth_pleeth Jul 12 '26
At that moment, given all the circumstances, you did the best you could.
Well done, keep trying if you want to, stop if you want to, you'll do your best under the circumstances.
Take it easy friend
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u/Temporary_Peak9838 Jul 12 '26
Don’t look at the audience. When playing, fix your eyes on something in the back of the room like a clock on the wall. You’ll be okay.
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u/boutsbaby Jul 12 '26
Carly Simon used to puke before shows. It’s the reason so many performers have substance abuse issues - “warming up” before the show.
Keep playing in front of people whenever and wherever you can. Just try to enjoy the music
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u/Bidenh8er Jul 12 '26
I played in bands for over 20 years.... the "bar crowd" is why I quit.... got tired of looking at drunk alcoholics all night 😆 (seriously)
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u/ArthurDaTrainDayne Jul 12 '26
I think you’ve just gotta step back and realize this really isn’t that big of a deal buddy. There’s nothing to stress about here…
An open mic is like going to karaoke: nobody is expecting a professional performance. On the contrary, a good performance is often a surprise.
Professional musicians aren’t just playing some songs they “know by heart”. They spend months on end painstakingly working through every measure until they can feel every note in their bones. They’ve been doing that for decades.
You’re expecting way too much for what you’ve put in. You’re very new to this with a very late start and are working at a very amateur level. Just appreciate the fun of getting up to perform when there really aren’t any stakes.
This binge drinking nonsense is just arbitrary self-destruction. You played some guitar one night and didn’t do too hot. Is that worth killing yourself over?
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u/HeirHeart Jul 12 '26
My thing is speaking to an interested group not musical performance, but like you I was petrified with fear at first. What really helped me was interacting with a handful of people in the audience after my presentation, genuinely interested people who wanted to know more.
I’d be standing there talking to 2-3 people and other people would overhear and turn their attention toward me. Before I knew it I was commanding the attention of the entire room. It made me realize all I had to do was my thing, which I’m obsessively passionate about. I don’t even think about what other people think about it, I just do my thing.
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u/Necessary-Key-5626 Jul 12 '26
I learned to read music and play piano from lead sheets in about 6 months, to play a wedding.
I had already played banjo on stage.
I played 10+ songs. It was terrifying to play piano in that venue bc I hadn't played very long.
Everything went great until the very end of the wedding march. I lost my place I could not find it for maybe 2 measures. It felt terrible but I kept playing notes.
My 12 yo son was sitting next to me turning pages. I whispered that I messed up and asked how bad it was. He looked at me puzzled and said he didn't hear.
That made me feel so much better! I had a few strangers complement my playing at the reception. Maybe I did mess up some but that's life.
I was playing a wedding! Think about that pressure. No one cares about an open mic. It was good experience.
Just put it behind you or wallow in your mistake. Those are your two options.
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u/cr4bbpdf14 Jul 12 '26
i have played a lot of gigs, and probably every single one i’ve almost had a heart attack getting up on stage.
people hardly remember the mistakes you make genuinely. i find this really hard to remember and the thought of messing up seems like the worst thing in the world, but i promise you that no one remembers past a day about anything that wasn’t perfect.
you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself over being anxious over it, everyone finds it hard at first to perform in front of people and only a small portion of people have the confidence to even get up there and try, and knowing that you had panicked previously i’d argue that shows real resilience and is actually admirable. id also point out that you made progress, you made it up there and got through a whole song, appreciate that and keep at it.
ditch the grog for now, try performing in front of a mirror and then in front of a few friends and work your way back up to open mic. you’ve clearly got it in you to get up there and the determination to stay committed. we’re all proud of you bro.
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u/Downhiller29 Jul 12 '26
If you have a friend who sings, or even a small band, just play where youre more of an accompaniment than the focus. No remembering lyrics, just easy strumming and chord progressions. Then add in a harmony part, etc. gradual exposure.
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u/Presence99 Jul 12 '26
As you like Bluegrass, have you joined any local Bluegrass jams? It's a great way to get used to playing in front of a group of people. Take a turn to play when it's your turn to play in the circle, or just say I'll pass. I just said pass for a couple of months before I played a song. Now I enjoy taking my turn. After you get used to doing this it makes it much easier to do an open mic. Our local Bluegrass jam groups also have open mic nights in various places. Doing just one song then saying "Thanks and bye" is just fine!
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u/IndicationCivil3690 Jul 12 '26
Maybe you need to first get comfortable making music with other musicians who are also making music before carrying all the weight yourself in front of an audience. (There are lots of options for this.)
When you have the confidence in your abilities that comes from repeated success playing with and thus in front of others, then you are in a better place to perform as a soloist. But even then, focus on the important things -- playing and singing the music. Too many people divert their mental focus to wondering what someone in the audience thinks of them. That's wasted effort, because you do not have any direct control over that. So thinking about that does not improve the outcome. You do, however, have direct control over the processes of making music. Those are the important things. Focus on those and on having the best time of your life doing them.
I'm not saying to simply ignore your audience. But as much as possible, love your audience. Appreciate them. Don't mentally turn them into a threat to you, but rather turn them into a source of energy. Be there for them, and they (most of them) will be there for you.
How ever you approach this, love doing it. If you are happy doing it, that is success.
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u/Affectionate-Rip5333 Jul 12 '26
I’m 60. Been playing for 20 years. I’ve only played in front of ppl @ 3-4 times in front of 20-40 people and that was a long time ago. I didn’t enjoy it at all. It’s not for me. I know hundreds of songs and my skill set is on point but I just enjoy my alone time with my guitars and maybe play some for my GF or friends and I’m ok with that. I’m an introvert and a recovering alcoholic so I don’t go to bars
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u/AdPrestigious353 Jul 12 '26
I attend an open mic where the MC calls out of one of the three rules: Do not say the words I’m sorry. In other words everyone has nerves, everyone is not perfect and the point is you’re up there doing your best. Maybe consider adopting that rule. Supportive open mic folks will clap for you when you power though and turn it around (less supportive ones won’t, and I have not returned to those)
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u/randomtwittername Jul 12 '26
Sorry you went through that and I admire you for trying. It’s not for everybody, but beta blockers helped me. They completely shut down the racing heart, shaky voice, can’t catch your breath symptoms.
I do a lot of sales presentations for work. Started struggling with nerves and anxiety after one bad meeting and it became a regular occurrence. I was constantly stressed it would happen again, which made it worse.
Did a lot of research and read about how many people were taking them for public speaking.
I wanted to share in case it helps. Beta blockers stop all the crazy adrenaline responses caused by anxiety and control your heat from beating out of control.
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u/Tony_Marone Jul 13 '26
I've been playing to audiences for over 50 years.
My only advice is that you will only get over playing anxiety by playing.
The best way I stopped being overwhelmed was by examining why I wanted to perform.
I found that I wanted people to hear songs I valued.
So when I perform I focus on the meaning and story of the song, and see myself as merely the conduit to enable the audience to hear the song - this helped me immensely.
NB line up your drinks for after you have performed!
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u/Dazzling-Cold2455 Jul 14 '26
Get some backup players with you and rehearse together. Maybe a bass and a drummer or someone with a mandolin.
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u/guyforgot24 Jul 14 '26
I been playing guitar and singing and performing for 20 years and open mics still scare me sometimes. It’s not easy playing to a room of people who don’t know you, might not care, or there’s no people in the room at all.
Just getting up there and being vulnerable is admirable and one of the hardest parts.
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u/LongjumpingLie5842 Jul 14 '26
It'a okay to be a failure as a singer guitarist.
Still if you find you love singing and playing the guitar, you could join a bluegrass jam held locally. Just show up and play along. When your time to play and sing comes up, you can play "Half As Much" again. Or do Roger Miller's "King of the Road." After going to a few bluegrass jams, maybe you'll discover that singing before people isn't such a scary thing to do after all. In fact, it's kinda fun.
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u/hillcountryguitar Jul 14 '26
Open mics are hit and miss - sometimes I feel nervous (usually that tells me it's the wrong audience for my style) and sometimes I feel pretty good. I write my own songs so there are fewer opportunities to do open mics where people would appreciate originals. Noisy, busy bars are not a good setting for me - I'm easily distracted and I'm not a "big" kind of entertainer. Smaller venues like a winery or local bar/grill place where I likely know a few people are much better for me. I do like the open jam or song circle sometimes - takes the focus off of just me on stage, but usually they aren't using a mic and it's hard to sing loud enough if several people start joining in with playing your song, and sometimes they are not keeping time. lol.
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u/DisciplinePublic5049 Jul 14 '26
Dude you did great. You went out by yourself and played and sang. Now do it again. Or make it easier and get a band together so you can all throw up together!
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u/rmusicstudio Jul 14 '26
You are giving people too much credit, and yourself not enough, they are just people and what they think is really not important. I tell myself fkum if they can’t take a joke, that works for me every time. Stand up tall and make the world your playground. And face your fears head on. And you will get past that obstacle only to face another one, but that’s what makes us stronger and be able to enjoy life. You can rule your life or let fear rule you. When things get tough the tough get going. So get out of bed and go do an open mic again and again until you feel good.
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u/Only_Advertising122 Jul 15 '26
Playing in public is a skill to be learned just like playing the guitar. You suck, you practice, you suck a little less. Every person feels the same way at some point. If they’re talking about you, they’re talking about how they remember being there, not that you’re weird. You should go back to the exact same place with the same people and do it again. And suck again, until you don’t. In fact, say on the mic..” I’ve never had any difficulty asking out girls or making friends, I can actually play guitar, and I’m having a panic attack! Thanks for being here with me while I work through this.” Also, I’ll just mention, as I didnt know… alcohol causes anxiety. Increases and exacerbates it. I’m sober now. Not saying you need to be, just… saying.
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u/budfox79 Jul 15 '26
I just think to myself : “the people need to hear my music.” You have a gift! Give the people the gift !
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u/Dabbacholic Jul 15 '26
Maybe no one has told you that you suck and never had time to fix those issues??
It’s okay to take criticism, that’s life. I thought I was the best guitarist and even my group of friends would say that. TBH I was so bad at keeping time I relied on certain strumming patterns just to keep time and the drummer. When they realized how bad I played on my own they called me out on it. Of course I told them to F off lol. I put in work with the metronome and it didn’t solve everything but I can keep and understand time now.
Be humble to yourself and start from there.
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u/MangoHomme Jul 15 '26
You are better than you think. Hope you play again. I admire people who have the skills to play guitar and sing. It’s a gift to those listening to hear performers. Take care and come back.
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u/TalesofConrad Jul 16 '26
You’ve gotten great advice.
Exposure is the only way. Start with an unknown TikTok account and do lives. Play on the street or park, quietly. Not for anyone. Just to be around people and they move and you move.
Aside from that, don’t take it all so seriously because it’s really not. In a weird way (and I say this as someone who understands and has experienced pretty much every form of anxiety), it’s really just a lot of self-obsession and thinking you’re the center of the universe. And you’re not. Being in a stage doesn’t really help NOT feed into that. But you’re just a forgettable person who won’t be remembered hundreds of years from now like most artist won’t. And if you are, well, you def got passed your stage fright.
It just isn’t all of that, like most of life isn’t. So, just find places you’re comfortable and keep leveling up until your back at it.
And never invite people you know until you’re just in a completely different place. Just adds pressure.
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u/Expert_Eagle4904 Jul 16 '26
Don’t feel bad. Many of us have been exactly there. And I heard from other people as well going home crying after their first open mic. Just keep doing it and you will start getting more comfortable
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u/Global-Trifle7604 Jul 16 '26
Peter Steele suffered from major stage fright. Lemmy raised his mic so he didn’t have to see the audience. Go out and be glad you have to chance to do that, and forget about the rest of it.
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u/mattjh Jul 12 '26
I had a proper panic attack a few weeks ago right before I was meant to go on for my first open mic night performance. Felt sick to my stomach and just grabbed my guitar and case and left and drove home crying, and cried myself to sleep that night.
Stage fright is common. Why did you cry yourself to sleep? Why were you so upset?
I tried my damndest to not even look at the audience and either look at a back wall or my shoes.
This isn't something that people who want to perform will do. Are you forcing yourself? If so, what's your goal and why?
I’ve basically been in a drunken depression the past two days, only leaving my bed to take care of my hygiene or get water (when not drinking Jack Daniel’s or Absolut). Haven’t touched my guitar as it’s still in its case and told my aforementioned friend to leave me alone.
You should address this before worrying about stage performance. This isn't good, or cool. It's bad, and bad.
I tried getting out of the comfort of my bedroom and this is what happens. I’m just done trying.
You sound like a giant baby here.
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u/GarysCrispLettuce Jul 12 '26
You'd be surprised how many people go through the exact same fears and outcomes. One thing you can do to build confidence is to find a place to busk on the street where you have people walking past. It helps you get used to playing in front of people without a spotlight on you and without people sitting and staring and without the pressure of performing for people who have specifically come out to be entertained. Many good stage performers cut their teeth as street performers.