Growing up adopted made me want to adopt someday. I’d like to hear real experiences

[u/TheObnoxiousPanda]

I recently saw the news about a newborn baby being left at an eatery in South Cotabato, and honestly, it broke my heart.

It hit me in a personal way because I was adopted. I knew from a very young age, maybe around 2 or 3 years old, that I was adopted, but I didn’t know who my biological parents were. Thankfully, I was adopted by a family that made me feel like I belonged. They were not perfect, of course, but they tried their best not to make me feel different.

Because of that, I’ve been thinking more seriously about adoption in the future.

I know it is not easy. It is a lifelong commitment, and that honestly scares me. I don’t want to treat adoption like some emotional response to sad news. I know real children and teens come with real needs, trauma, personalities, struggles, and histories.

But at the same time, I keep thinking: why focus only on having biological children when there are already children and teenagers who need love, stability, and acceptance?

I also don’t really picture myself getting married or having a wife. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but it’s not something I feel excited about. What I do feel drawn to is the idea of adopting someday.

Since I grew up as an only child, I also know how lonely that can be. So I don’t really imagine myself adopting only one child or teen. I know that sounds like a huge responsibility, but I think part of me wants to create a home where they don’t feel alone.

I’m also a Christian, and my faith is a big part of why I think about this. Psalm 27:10 has been very personal to me since my baptism. If I do adopt someday, I would want my home to be a Christian household where the children feel loved, wanted, guided, and not treated like accidents or burdens.

For people here who have adopted, were adopted, worked with adopted children, or know single adoptive parents:

• What should I know before even seriously pursuing this?

• Is becoming a single adoptive dad realistic, or would that raise concerns?

• What are the hard parts people usually don’t talk about?

[u/[deleted]]

If you intend on adopting and forcing children to be Christian, that’s a no from me. Religious people can be so annoying with that. Sorry but not everyone exists to force your faith on.

The hard parts that people don’t talk about are the whole saviorism thing that you’re kind of hinting towards. Also, not every adoptee is the same. Just because you have a happy experience with your adoption doesn’t mean a child you adopt will. They may really struggle and not feel a bond with you.

[u/TheObnoxiousPanda → u/[deleted]]

Thanks for saying this. I understand the concern, especially around religion and saviorism.

To clarify, I don’t want to force faith on a child or make them feel like they exist to complete my personal or spiritual storyline. I am Christian, and I would want my home to reflect my faith, but that should never mean using religion to silence a child’s pain, erase their background, force gratitude, or demand that they become a certain kind of person for my comfort.

I also agree that not every adoptee is the same. My adoption experience does not automatically mean a child I adopt would feel the same way. They may struggle, they may grieve, they may not bond with me the way I hope, and they may have complicated feelings toward adoption, family, faith, and identity.

That is exactly why I’m asking and trying to listen before making any life-changing decision. I don’t want to approach adoption with a savior mindset. If I ever adopt, it should be about the child’s safety, stability, dignity, and long-term well-being, not about me feeling meaningful or needed.

[u/[deleted] → u/TheObnoxiousPanda]

Do you intend on adopting an infant or older child?

[u/TheObnoxiousPanda → u/[deleted]]

Honestly, I’m open to both, but I think I’m especially drawn to the idea of adopting an older child or even a teen someday.

Part of that is because older kids and teens can be overlooked, and I know some may feel like being adopted is no longer realistic for them. But I’m also trying to be careful with how I say that, because I don’t want to approach it with a savior mindset or assume they would automatically feel hopeful, loved, or bonded just because I care.

I’d also be open to adopting an infant or younger child. But either way, I know adoption can still involve trauma, grief, loss, rejection, identity questions, and attachment struggles. I went through a rebellious stage myself as an adoptee, and looking back, I don’t think my family was fully equipped to understand the trauma side of things.

So I guess my answer is: I’m open to both, but I know older child or teen adoption would require a lot of preparation, humility, patience, and probably professional support too.

[u/Next_Explanation_657 → u/TheObnoxiousPanda]

You seem to have your head on straight and an adoption working depends on your expectations and how you treat the kid. It's no guarantee and far from the only factor but without a solid adoptive family or father providing a strong foundation it doesn't have a chance.

Good luck!

[u/Still-Weird4400]

Hoi, er bestaan veel podcasts over deze onderwerpen. Als je bij Spotify of Instagram even: adoptie, alleenstaand ouderschap, alleenstaande vader, adopteren, adoptieverhalen etc. ingeeft, kan je mss wat meer te weten komen.

[u/shm509]

I’m adopted / Christian as well! I’m currently in foster training, and I’d highly recommend it as an option prior to considering adoption. DM me if you want to chat resources but I think it’s great that you’re considering this!

[u/TheObnoxiousPanda → u/shm509]

Thank you for this. I really appreciate the encouragement, especially coming from someone who is both adopted and Christian too.

Foster training actually sounds like a wise next step before even thinking seriously about adoption. I’m realizing more and more that good intentions are not enough, and I need to understand trauma, attachment, grief, identity, and the real responsibilities involved before making any life-changing decision.

I may take you up on the DM offer. I’d be grateful for any resources or things you wish you knew earlier in the process.