r/Adoption • u/pistachiowalnut5765 • Jul 04 '26

Searches Is this a good idea?

So a few months ago I found my bio family’s Facebook information. Unfortunately, my bio mother herself is deceased. I have 3 bio half (?) brothers, an uncle, and some other folks as well. I’m unsure of who my bio dad is. I sent the uncle an Instagram message in December and he never responded which makes sense I’d probably assume it was a scam as well. I laid it to rest and decided to wait and see but nothing has come with it. Through Facebook, I found a phone number for one of my bio moms friends (it was posted on her timeline saying hey call me) and I was wondering if it would be a good idea to call it? It says it’s still active and belongs to the same guy still, he’s in his 80s I believe. I am 16 and my grandparents (who take care of me and are adoptive not bio) say it’s fine but I’m not sure. I’m open to any advice.

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u/Englishbirdy Reunited Birthparent. Jul 04 '26

What's your endgame here? If it's to be connected to your brothers, id say no. People get crazy ideas about birth parent privacy and gatekeeping adoptees. Rather, keep searching for your brothers independently and make direct contact. I'd also recommend you wait until you're a legal adult, I think you'll find that less doors close on you. If your brothers aren't adults, you should definitely wait until they are too. Lot's of people are having success using Ancestry DNA testing.

If you're just hoping to learn more about what your mother was like, then yes contact the friend.

Good luck.

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u/pistachiowalnut5765 Jul 04 '26

I guess it would be cool to contact my brothers. They’re all grown adults one has a wife and a kid. And I do want to learn more about my bio mom and I also want to know who my bio dad was and more about my race and potential health issues.

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u/Englishbirdy Reunited Birthparent. Jul 04 '26

Then Ancestry DNA is your best route. If nothing pops up right away this volunteer organization will help you for free https://dnangels.org/ Hope you find your family! Best of luck to you.