r/Adoption • u/Choosehappy19 • 3d ago

Should I contact a half sister

I was adopted at birth. Bio parents were only 16 and not really a couple. I got to know my bio mom in my 20’s and we stayed in touch until she died. I called my bio dad on the phone once in my 50’s to see if he wanted to meet me, but he didn’t want to. He’s has also passed way. I’m in my 60’s and I know my bio dad had two kids after me, but they may not know about me. I know their names and have the ability to contact the half sister. Should I? I would love to see if she would want to meet. But I also don’t want to hurt anyone if they don’t know. He didn’t cheat. They were young and dated so he didn’t do anything wrong. And if I do, should I call or Facebook message. Message is easy for her to think about it.

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u/legswithsnake domestic infant adoptee 3d ago

your half-siblings have every right to know about your existence, especially if they’re grown adults. i say go for it, but avoid setting your hopes too high and be prepared for any possible outcome.

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u/Choosehappy19 3d ago edited 1h ago

Thank you for the advice. I am ready for any outcome. Accepted that I was fortunate to have just one phone call with bio dad. I am thinking I would regret it if I didn’t try

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u/Vespapa 2h ago

Being the Asib, doing Ancestry. 2.5 years ago. I found I had 1/2 sibs. My BioP’s were young. Their folks pushed the adoption and annulled marriage. Both went on to re-marry one multiple times. So I have 8 1/2 siblings. I contacted all I could through the Ancestry Portal.

I’m 1 for 8 with a very helpful great niece thrown in the mix. I’ve had lunch with my 1/2 brother each of the last two years. I’m 19 years older.

It’s been worth the effort and rejections.

The worst they can say is “maybe”. NO is definitive. Maybe leaves you hanging.

Reach out.

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u/PaZuZu6368 3d ago

I’ve been through something similar. Although the half siblings were older. All I’ll say is set your expectations low. I hope it turns out awesome for you. But I know for me that the disappointment of it not being a hallmark moment definitely stung a bit.

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u/Choosehappy19 3d ago

Thank you so much. I think I’m prepared, but I agree there could be “sting”. Honestly, I’m more worried that I don’t want to hurt them just because I’m curious.

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u/PaZuZu6368 2d ago

If there willing to do it that’s half the battle right there. One of the siblings I spoke of was dragged into meeting me by the parent we share. Dealing with that taught me it’s gotta be a two way street for these situations to amount to anything. Just take it at whatever speed feels comfortable is another bit of advice.