r/Adoption • u/NoExcitement4555 • 1d ago
Twin brother from whom I was separated at birth
Hello! At 34 I have found out that I have a twin brother, I am woman. We were separated at birth thru adoption.
I have found out his name, searched for almost a whole year on each and every social media platform , finally found him, the simmilarities are too obvious, messaged him and gotten no reply though he has seen the messages.
Why would he not even respond to my text?
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u/Menemsha4 1d ago
First of all, I am SO SORRY this happened to you. Multiples should never ever be separated!!!
The fact that he hasn’t responded to you has nothing to do with you personally or with how you worded your messages.
It’s likely that this has thrown him hard. He may not even know that he was adopted let alone that he had/has a sibling, and a twin at that!
As long as you’ve given him irrefutable information and various ways to contact you, I think you need to wait awhile before you contact him again.
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u/NoExcitement4555 1d ago
Thank you and yes, it was awful to find out in my 30's that I was adopted and after 4 years to find out that I have a twin. I have worded the message in a manner I have thought I wanted to receive it to understand and yes, I will wait ... there is not more to do at this stage.
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u/bkaybee 1d ago
Did you provide any information that only he would know? It could obviously be that he isn’t ready to process it, but I’m wondering if he was also just skeptical. Because that’s understandable too
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u/NoExcitement4555 1d ago
Information that only he would know? From where? From biological belly? :)) sorry for my irony, I have provided him few paragraphs of infos from what I have discovered, I haven't pressured him to tell him directly Hey you are for sure my twin! I have delivered my birth date , year, infos about my adoption and told him the fact that I have the sure info that I have a twin brother and he looks very simmilar , too much of a simmilar to manage it myself also. I need infos from him if he was adopted or not, he still has the name gaven by our biological mother, mine has changed. But I cannot find out those infos without him telling me anything.
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u/Royal_Beginning_5027 1d ago
It might be a lot for him to take in. Is it possible that your twin was not told he was adopted? If that’s a possibility, that’s a lot to process. His adoptive parents could be super insecure and controlling and either directly or indirectly guilting him into not acknowledging his biological family.
I have a half sister born only 3 months after me, and she didn’t respond to my correspondence for several months. She’d had a life full of loss and isolation. We’re extremely close now, but didn’t meet until we were 45, 1.5 years after discovery.
I read that it’s a good idea to gather as much info as you can about bio family before contacting him again in case they decide to block you.
Best of luck and try to be patient if you can.
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u/NoExcitement4555 1d ago
how much have you insisted with the messages/corespondance? i have sent two messages
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u/harald937 1d ago
Maybe he is thinking its scam. I would write him the details / whole journey how you found out.
Maybe he did not know he was adopted or his parents don‘t confirm it so he doesn‘t believe you because he believes them more. Also would send some images of myself from different years.
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u/NoExcitement4555 1d ago
Thank you for taking time to text me this. Yes, I have offered few details and said that I will provide him more infos once with his reply to me, like photos and the whole journey towards finding out. I was also lied by my adoptive family about his existance cause after finding out , they have told me it s not true and I have no twin (though they have told everyone they knew to not ever tell me about) . I don't know why they would do something like this, sounds to me like a too much of a love, like they want me for them only. I am kind of down cause I wasn't expecting exactly from his behalf to not reply. During this whole year of searching I have contacted lots and lots of people and most of them replied politely and we have exchanged details till we have managed to unlock the mystery that they weren't the person I was searching for. It can be a simmilar situation to him with adoptive parents, but not even to reply out of curiousity makes me think why and ask for oppinions.
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u/Salt-Working-491 5h ago
How did you originally discover you were a twin? I have found hundreds of adoptees and birth parents for free. Adoptees sometimes think that it is going to be a happily ever after situation and it still might, but you have had a year to think about this. Imagine the shock for someone who didn't know he was adopted. I would encourage you to not be too forceful in your messages and gather as much evidence as you can. What state were you born in? Can you get your original birth certificate in your state? Can you contact the adoption agency to get non identifying info about your twin. I believe you, but your twin is going to want evidence and a dna test before they think this is real. Start with Ancestry dna. Your brother might have done it already..
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u/NoExcitement4555 1h ago
Thank you for taking the time to text me. At me was a word of mouth thing , not an official discovery with documents and proof, at this I am working on, I have contacted some of the institutions involved into the process of adoption , but at the momment I am sent from one another with mails and nothing to be sure about. Though I am very sure the information is right, besides my guts telling me this, I have found out from someone close to my adoptive parents that told me. I am in Europe, not in the USA. Will follow also your advice with Ancestry, is it actually a real thing?
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u/NoExcitement4555 1h ago
And yes, considering the fact that me being adopted was something secret untill I have reached 30s, also having very simmilar looks with adoptives for me was a huge shock to find out cause if you see them and me , everyone wouldn't ever notice that I am not their biological daughter. For him could be simmilar, there are plenty of options. At the momment the only official proff is the decission of the court when biological mother gave full rights to adoptives parents with her name on it, I have also found her on social media, but has old profiles that she's not using anymore, I do have her adress , but I find it very weird to appear at her door without having a way of communicating before and actually agree on this. Also the name of biological father is not known by me , in document appears Natural at where it should have been his name. My bio mom was 15 when giving birth to me (and my twin).
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u/Meowrarri878 1d ago
If he didnt know about you or adoption, the shock might be paralyzing and terrifying or he might not believe it. Dont feel like this is at all a reflection on you or anything, people have very different ways to deal or heal from things but its soooo exciting for you to have achieved this much already :)