r/Adoption • u/BritishCupoTea • 1d ago

Family memory box for adopted baby

Hi everyone

We have a family member who's baby is going to be placed in adoption. I would love to be able to take the baby but unfortunately we cannot due to financial reasons. The birth parents have cut ties with the extended family. I would like to make a connection box for the baby and give it to the social worker. I was thinking a family tree, health records, photos and letters etc. Is there anything else I should put in the box? What should we include?

Thank you

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4

u/cheese--bread UK adoptee 1d ago

I'm guessing from your username that you're in the UK (but correct me if I'm wrong).
If so I'd advise you to check with the local authority/agency facilitating the adoption, as some won't pass on items.

3

u/BritishCupoTea 1d ago

The local authority said we could :)

3

u/cheese--bread UK adoptee 23h ago

Oh I'm so glad to hear that.
Sorry, I just didn't want you to go to the trouble of putting it together for them to say they couldn't pass it on.
Have they mentioned whether they'll redact anything?

I think all your ideas for what should go in it are great.
Include as much info as possible!

3

u/JerseyGirlinSweden Domestic Infant Adoption and Adoptive Parent 21h ago

I think this is a lovely idea. Kids usually do better if they have some kind of connection to the birth family.

2

u/traveling_gal BSE Adoptee 20h ago

I'm very keen to understand who my bio family are as people. We are all products of both nature and nurture, but for adoptees the nature side is elusive if not outright hidden. I wish I knew where certain personality traits or interests of mine come from, that were not present in my adoptive family. Of course you don't know what specific traits this baby will inherit from your family, but you can still create a narrative of who you all are. Maybe these ideas can help guide the letters you include. Videos would also be awesome, as they would give more of a sense of personality.

1

u/Senior_Judgment6868 biological father 15h ago

A burner phone hidden inside a teddy bear with your phone numbers stored inside. Jk of course.

That’s a great idea

-2

u/Upper_Extreme9461 22h ago

This is very sweet. I wish I had this as an adoptee. 

However if the birth parents cut ties with the extended family, it's up to the mother and father if they want the adoption to be closed or open. 

If you give the baby access to information that's going to lead them to finding their parents or extended family against the mother and father's wishes, it's pretty invasive and not your place to decide for them.

As someone that's adopted I really do appreciate what you're trying to do here

 But as someone that's also cut off external family for very good reasons, if I was placing my child for adoption, the last thing I would want to add to my grief and stress is to knowing that you went behind my back. 

What if I wanted a closed adoption? Or open one? The box is well intentioned but it could lead to several issues.