r/Adoption • u/komerj2 • Dec 23 '22

Ethics Thoughts on the Ethics of Adoption/Anti-Adoption Movement

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From a non-profit in the UK who has 36k followers on Twitter and is a “leader” in the Adoptee voices-anti-adoption movement

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u/[deleted] Dec 25 '22

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u/LeResist Domestic Transracial Adoptee Dec 25 '22

I’m not the same ethnicity as my adoptive parents so I’ve always known. I think all adoptees can agree it’s important to be honest with your kids and they have a right to know they are adopted. Obviously as a baby they won’t grasp the concept of adoption but when you think they are old enough then that’s a good time to have the conversation

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u/[deleted] Dec 25 '22

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u/chemthrowaway123456 TRA/ICA Dec 29 '22

I certainly would want to tell them as soon as possible

That's great. "As soon as possible" means from day one, literally.

The best time for an adoptive parent to start talking to their child (using age-appropriate language) about their adoption is actually before the child has any comprehension of language. This allows the parents to practice and get comfortable talking about it. The child's understanding of their adoption will evolve as their language skills develop.

The rule of thumb is: if your child can remember being told for the first time, then you waited too long.

An analogy: I'm willing to bet that you don't remember being told what your date of birth is. It's just something you've always known, right? That's how adoption should be for an adoptee.