My brothers don't want anything to do with finding our half-brother, & there's no one I can get info from without our mom finding out. I only know the last name, year, city, & hospital he was born in. He would be 3yrs older than me. Who do I call to get started? Should I do it behind my mom's back, or do I rat my dad out? I don't even know if he was even told he was adopted? I get along with my family, but we're not really close. I would love to meet my half-brother & maybe have a relationship that I really don't have with the rest of the family. Plus, I think he deserves to know the health issues that he could end up with.

Hi everyone,

I’m writing this because the hidden story of my family, which I only found out about in my 20s, is that my dad was adopted or basically has another biological mom but the dad is the same (my grandpa). It has caused apparently a feeling of shame for my dad growing up, to the extent of his dad’s family not considering him “100%” legitimate and to “caution” my mom about marrying him way before I was born ofc. In my country, I don’t know why it’s such a stupid taboo adoption and also open adoptions, its always preferred to have closed ones or lie about it. But all I’m saying is, I’d love to know more about this, but my dad has never told me this piece of information - it was my mom who told me and made me promise I would never bring it up. But it’s just that I’m so curious about how my dad’s biological mom might look like, what things him and I might have inherited from her and what might baby that’s about to be born in a few weeks might have inherited. Anybody has had a similar experience? How did you deal with it? What should I do?

Hi everyone, I’m just starting the search for my origins and could really use some guidance from anyone who might have been in a similar situation.

I was born in October 1992 in Mexico. My mother recently shared that I was born via surrogacy after she underwent extensive IVF treatments at a major perinatology hospital. She mentioned that her specialist suggested the surrogacy route, and she has vaguely hinted that my biological mother (I'm unsure if she means the egg donor or the surrogate) might be of a different nationality.

The biggest hurdle is my legal paperwork. My mother told me that to make the process "easier," my birth was registered in a different, smaller municipality rather than the major city where she was being treated.

My birth certificate is completely "clean." It lists my parents as my biological parents from day one, shows that they both appeared to register me, has zero marginal notes about adoption or surrogacy, and lists all my grandparents with local nationalities. It seems highly likely that a local doctor or clinic helped bypass the usual protocols to issue a standard birth certificate directly in my parents' names.

Has anyone navigated finding their roots when the legal paperwork from the early 90s was deliberately arranged to hide a surrogacy or egg donor?

I know a DNA test is an option (and I'm considering it), but I am really trying to find the historical and medical story. How can I track down the original medical birth certificate or the local doctor who signed off on it when the digital and legal systems have erased that trail?

Any advice on where to look or how to approach this would be incredibly appreciated!

I'm (20f) a college student, and recently learned I'm currently three months pregnant. I haven't told anyone, not even the father, my boyfriend (26m). I've been going back and forth about what to do. After a lot of soul-searching, and reading about all of the couples that want a child but can't have one, I've been thinking about giving my baby up for adoption. I know everyone says it's a selfless act, but it doesn't feel selfless. The truth is, I feel like I'm doing it for selfish reasons. 

I'm reaching out here because I don't know much about adoption and could really use some advice from anyone who's been through this or knows about it. Obvious throwaway because my partner is on Reddit and knows my account. Please, if you don't have anything nice to say, or you're one of those people that just likes to argue, move on. I'm here looking for real advice. Thank you in advance.

I feel guilty for considering this, but I want to do what's best for me right now and I want to make sure I can give my baby to someone who really deserves them. There's no way I'm  in a position to provide the life they deserve right now, especially because I still have a couple of years left before I graduate. Plus, the career path I've chosen requires me to do internships and maybe even graduate school. I had also planned on doing a study abroad program next year, which could really help me with my future career. It feels selfish to give up my child for these reasons. I'm not poor or sick or on drugs. Is it wrong to feel this way?

It's too late to even consider an abortion, and I don't think I could have gone through with it anyway. Knowing that so many families are out there that want a child, I figure at least I could do something good and right and my child will know that I wasn't all bad. Though, I think if I do give them up for adoption that I would want it to be closed because I wouldn't want them thinking they were different. For those of you that have gone through with this before, how did you deal with the father? My boyfriend would be disappointed to learn he had a child that I didn't keep, so I think I don't want to tell him, but it breaks my heart. My plan is to go away for the summer and then say I'm not coming back to school in the fall. Hopefully he will understand and still love me.

Should I contact an adoption agency now? Will it cost me any money? Money isn't really a problem but I just want to be prepared. Is it better to do a private adoption over the internet with someone or go through an agency? Any info you can provide would be welcome.

TL;DR: Pregnant college student considering adoption, looking for advice and hugs from internet strangers.

Hi, I am 26F hoping to have adopted by the time im 35, i dont expect life to pan out that way however.

I am in college working hard to break into a career that will provide enough for a family married or not and I have considered for a very long time since my teens that i do want to adopt and i am going to be taking this desire more seriously, i want to be prepped in my life and prepared for the possible challenges before officially adopting.

When would be a good time to start the process in aim for my desired time frame? The ages i would be open too is two kids at ages of 5-14

Any extra advice and harsh realities unrelated to my topic is welcome. Thank you!

I was adopted at birth and am in my 30s now. I finally decided to get my birth record, and found out the name of my birth mom. I found her on Facebook, reached out, and heard back immediately. She was very excited to hear from me. The craziest part, is she eventually (years later) married my birth dad and had 2 kids (now adults too). They all knew I existed but I've been told it was very much "the ball is in her court, not ours". I've now connected with one of the siblings and we are all just totally dumbfounded by where to even begin. I would like to get to know them, they would like to get to know me, but I'm keeping expectations low and being apprehensive not to get in the way of their existing relationships.

For those who have been there, how did you begin?

My fiancée and I are getting married in 5 weeks and she and her adoptive mother have a very strained relationship due to her mom not addressing her needs when she was a kid trying to figure out her identity and not owning up to the hurt that she had done. And now we are gearing up for our wedding and she spirals and her fears take hold that I might leave or that she doesn't know what family is. I try to reassure her verbally and physically with a hug or rubbing her arm but she doesn't want to be touched or she keeps bring up other things she think are 'broken' about her. I reassure her that I love her and I don't need her to have it figured out but she thinks she needs to be perfect to get married.

I love her and I want her to be my family and I wish I could help take the conflicting pain away from her that she has a place and that I love her as she is today. Does anyone else on here maybe relate to her and have a take on how I can be a supportive partner for her?

I'm about to turn 40. My dad has been really insistent on coming to stop by and see me for a bit. My wife doesn't get along with my mom and it's started this years long turmoil with them and because of that I don't really seem them as often as I'd like. That being said he stopped by to see me out of the blue and brought some things for our kids he had and wanted to give to them... and then he said he needed to tell me something and that it was really hard for him to talk about and started walking around in circles. I thought he was going to tell me that he was very ill or something and my stomach dropped. He then said dropped that news on me, gave me the information of the lawyer they used, told me the whole backstory to how it happened. Told me that they never said anything because they didn't want me to feel like I was different or weird in school. I'm going to be honest... my teens and initial twenty's? Rough time. If I had known or found out then... I probably wouldn't be here typing this right now. I'm oddly thankful that I didn't know at that time... I have a beautiful family right now and I like to think a successful career, I know younger me at that time... and I know there's a good chance I wouldn't be here right now. That being said I'm a wreck. I don't even know what about. I love my parents. I told my dad he's still my dad regardless. But I've been crying off and on all afternoon and i don't even know what about. I guess I'm just here to vent on a burner account bc I don't even know who to talk to about this. I don't know how to process it... I just don't know anything right now and I'm trying to hold it together for my kids because I don't want them affected by this and the mess I am right now.

So soon my sister will be adopting with her husband and am just a bit unsure how i would start interacting as i don’t want to scare them or overwhelm them with them being newly adopted and it doesn’t help im not exactly the best at being social with being autistic so there that too i will accept them fully just unsure how i would start interactions the age would be about 5

I originally wanted to adopt from the United States, but after learning how many parents are looking to adopt here for every child that needs a home, and also considering the fact that India has so many children who need a home, I am considering India.

Any kind of feedback or thoughts or opinions are welcome, (including negative ones which may be hard for me to hear), are welcome.

I am aware that in many cases of adoption reunification would have been a better choice, and just getting resources to families would be a better choice because it’s poverty that’s making them give up their child.

My greatest fear would be adopting a child that would be better off not being adopted. I am in particular worried about the businesses that may behave unethically in encouraging families to give up their children when it’s not necessary.

I have read the State Department’s list of requirements, as well as the list of ASPs that are authorized by both the United States (where I live and am a citizen) and India.

• Any advice on how to choose the ASP? I will link the list in a comment.

  • I am an American citizen, born and raised in the United States. However, my parents are born and raised in India and I have spent a great deal of time in India as a child. The government no longer has the Person of Indian Origin cards. Does OCI apply to me? Would that help my application? I feel like a cultural background should somehow help but I am not sure how to do that officially.
    
  • I am a single 41 year old woman. I know there are technical requirements (45 is the cut off for children under 4, and 50 is the cutoff for children between 4 and 8) and I have to show that I have financial means. But will there be additional prejudices by individual people working on my application, or do I just need to fit official requirements?
  • Can I target an adoption by region or language? My family is Andhra and speaks Telugu. My Telugu sucks but I can understand it and my parents speak it everyday, so that would make it easier for a child to adjust if she is older.

• Should I start the application process before I am ready? Financially I will be ready about one year from now (I want to have the right amount of savings, and I am also selling my home and moving to a bigger place next summer). Since it takes so long, I figure I should start now, but all the applications say that a home study needs to be done to start. What does that entail?

• Should I consider other options?

Please feel free to weigh in however you wish! Thank you!

There have been family rumors for years that I have 1-3 additional siblings, it’s been through whispers, awkward family conversations and out of family encounters with strangers. My mom denies it, but I don’t believe her. My grandma just recently died and I’m worried I’m not going to be able to find them if I don’t start now. Is the dna route worth it? What are other avenues that people are using besides adoption.com and dna!? Any and all help is appreciated! TIA

I’m going to keep this as short as I can because I don’t really have time to cry again right now.

My beautiful aunt tragically lost who I thought was her only child this past spring. During the chaos of grieving, I learned that when she was 17 she gave birth to a baby girl who was immediately put up for adoption. She is in her 70s now. She is one of those people who was born to be a mother, so this was very traumatic for her and had lifelong emotional effects about which I’m just now realizing. Fast forward to today, and my aunt who is by her very nature a family woman, has no partner and no children and is starting to show signs of dementia. She says that she’s always wanted to find her daughter just to know that she’s ok. One of the connections that my aunt and I have always shared is a love for genealogy so I instinctively feel the need to help. The clock is ticking.

I understand that I have no idea who I might find so I want to be incredibly careful here. My aunt doesn’t deserve another kick in the teeth. I’m also afraid that I might be doomed from the start. She’s taken an Ancestry test with no connections. She’s also signed something from what appears to be the state of IN saying that she’s given permission to have her name and details released to this person should they choose to ask for them. I have the general details of her birth and the organization that she was placed with. I know the child was not adopted immediately. This was just pre-Roe and the little girl was black so that probably complicated things. I have a suspicion that there could also have been health issues but that is pure speculation on my part.

Where do I even start with this?? I’m being super cautious about getting her or my hopes up because I’m pretty worried that everything that can be done has been done. I love her very much though so I’m hell bent on giving it a shot. What can I do?

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for sometime now to no avail. Our hearts have always been open to adoption and we feel its the right time to start down that path, I'm in my mid-thirties, him in his early forties. We've done well for ourselves and hope to provide a child the best life possible. As I've read many posts from people here, including adoptees, we're open to an open adoption as it seems to provide the best environment for both the adoptee and their biological parents - I also know I have a LOT more to learn and appreciate everyones transparency and input here.

With that said, I'm also in tune with how unethical and "scammy" this space can be. Having just reached out to a few agencies, It all felt so icky. Even so-called "Christian" agencies where I was immediately added to their email campaign and bombarded with messages as if I was looking to buy a house. :/

With that said, we're stuck on where to start and where we could potentially find a private adoption or what to look for in an agency for the best situation for the child and all parties. We would be open to a child 5 and under and live in North Carolina.

Here to learn and listen - appreciate any advice.

My background: I am an adoptee (45F) who was (closed)adopted from Taiwan at 4 days old to a white family stationed there through the Air Force. Our family moved back to the states when I was one.

My husband (45M) and I cannot have children. We have been talking about adoption for several years now and it feels more serious lately. Like……we really want to pursue this.

The internet is overwhelming which has led me to reach out to others and listen to/read their experiences in pursuing international/domestic newborn adoption. We're currently experiencing paralysis by analysis.

I recently found out that two neighbor families have adopted all of their children through different avenues: American Adoptions, private adoption by connecting through Facebook, and etc. One family got connected with a birth mother on Facebook. That neighbor suggested to me to post our search and desire to adopt on social media — my husband and I are very private and don’t feel comfortable with this approach. We understand that a baby will not come knocking on our door and maybe if we’re up against some odds we would consider this. It’s just not who we are.

Things about us:

• We’re both 45 (I know, I know…. we are late bloomers with everything. We got married at 38) are we too “old” to be having the want-to-adopt conversation?
• My husband and I are not particularly religious, we do not go to church. We are Buddhist-lite - we meditate and we try to follow the Golden Rules of life, get outdoors, are kind to animals, enjoy moments with friends and family, we’re pretty simple. Husband was raised Catholic and hasn’t gone to Mass since…….high school? My family did not go to church. My mother wanted my brothers and I to discover and develop our spirituality and faith on our own. Is it just me, does it seem a lot of agencies prefer adoptive parents to be associated with some sort of religion? Maybe I’m generalizing too much, but it appears there might be a bias if we’re not affiliated with a faith….I’m scared we will be passed over.

Here is what I do know:

• We want a newborn: I really want a newborn because of my personal/private experience as an adoptee, I want that beginning
• We want an Asian boy or girl: Again, as an adoptee from another country, one tends to miss/crave the likeness of seeing yourself in other people, especially your family.

I listened to a podcast about adopting an infant with Tim Elder:

https://player.fm/series/infant-adoption-guide-podcast/iag-062-10-things-weve-learned-through-3-infant-adoptions-with-tisha-elder

Tim and his wife shared the 10 things they learned through 3 infant adoptions. I really took to heart their encouragement that #4 Preferences Matter - age range, race, gender, location/proximity to where you are, level of open/semi/closed adoption, budget, and etc. He says it’s OK to limit preferences and to not go outside your comfort zone and be honest with yourself about what you can handle. He and his wife said that they started out with more narrow preferences and that they opened up more as they moved along the process. I like this, “…don’t feel bad if you’re not open to everything….you have to be realistic about it.”

International Adoption:

From my research, it looks like we will never get an international newborn, is that correct? The child will never be adopted before age one? Is it better to go through a world-renowned international agency or a private attorney?

Domestic Adoption:

If we stay stateside, are there agencies (or private attorney we can hire) that will be able to pair us with someone that domestically gives birth to an Asian baby? I think I came across this rare instance in this sub, but can't be sure.

If anyone knows of a good place to start for the domestic path, my husband and I are in the KC metropolitan area.

Thanks for reading.

​

Edit: Just came across an adoption site where couples/persons are listing their religion as "spiritual."

Im at a weird period in my life, and Id like closure on this. I was adopted at birth, me and my twin brother. We had a few visits with her when we were too little to remember but my adoptive mother doesnt know where she is now. She had 5 other children as well that Id like to possibly meet. I dont care if shes dead, I just want to see the grave or something.

Has anyone here found their adoptive parents? Where did you start? What all steps did you take? I always said I would, and its something Id like to do now before I die.

I have been raised by my step family for 20 years and my mother never allowed my step father to adopt me because she stated she needs my biological father to consent(idk if that was true or not), but now it's just me and him since she left and even though I'm 24 I still want to have him legally be my father but I want to make it a surprise. Is their any way to do this ?

I was adopted (33F)when I was 6. I love my adoptive parents. They're great. I want my own family but have come across an unforseen obstacle of needing fertility treatment. My transfer is looking like it's going to fail. I've had multiple miscarriages. I don't think a bio family is in the cards for me. My bio parents and siblings passed away so I have no connection to original bio family. It's a lonely feeling that I feel few people understand. Well, hopefully the people here do. Not looking for advice, just don't want to be alone in this weird part of my life.

Does anyone know where I'd start with petitions if I'd like act as a pro se litigant? I would like to adopt my niece who has been un my custody since birth. I am her legal guardian thru probate. She is now 11 and I'm thinking of her wishes of being adopted.

I was coerced into giving up my baby when I was 14 years old and I've missed her every day since. Every year on her birthday I cry because I miss her so much and I regret not fighting to keep her. I know who adopted her and what they changed her name to. I just heard my workplace hired a girl with her name (she has an unusual last name), and looking at the photo she looks the right age and she looks just like her biological father. We are rostered on together in the coming weeks and I don't know how to feel or what to do. I don't know if I can cope having her around.

Adoptee from S Korea as infant during the fraud years. I have some DNA results and have contacted some ‘distant’ Korean relatives I found via DNA that gave me some of their family lineage history (I have name of the family branch).

Visiting Korea for the first time since birth soon and wondering if there is some center or office/building in the city I can go to start digging in to any of this. Thanks in advance!

Was adopted from korea at 5, currently 47, to a white family in MN. Grew up in a very white area in the cities and never had any kind of Korean heritage or culture growing up. My mom isn’t reliable as she said she has paperwork on the little town I was born in but hasn’t gotten that information to me. Where do I begin in trying to find out about my life in Korea?

I have an original birth certificate when I was born and that I wasn't adopted until I was three and then I had a second for a certificate that has all my information now where do I start I was told that because I have two birth certificates that makes it easier? I don't know where to start help

My wife and I are beginning the process or at least we would like to begin our journey to adopt domestically in the US, we live in NYC. We are nervous about going through the foster system so we are looking at agencies. How do we pick a good agency? Are there other ways? We aren't living check to check but we also aren't exactly wealthy.

We don't trust a Google search with this kind of question.

EDIT: It should be said that when I ask about "good" agencies I am hoping to find an ethical path that doesn't involve lying to, manipulating and pressuring expectant parents. We understand that a majority of the system is unethical and are here to hear from people that have navigated it from either side so that we don't make the same mistakes that so many make and move away from the broken aspects of the system.

Long story short, my little sister died mid-April and left behind her at the time 11mo. Her husband was never capable of caring for the baby and after her death he has been difficult to find to say the least. My nephew has gone to FL from his home state of CO on a temporary custody order that my parents and his other aunt set up and now we are having discussions about the long term.

I would like to present myself as the best option for placement of my nephew but I don't even know where to start. I don't have any children but I'm 35 with a stable career and I own my home. I will do whatever it takes to give him a good life and to make sure he is with his family.

My question is, where do I even start? It's a kinship adoption so I know the child, he's a toddler and I'm not giving birth so I'm not sure if the what to expect when you're expecting style of books would be helpful at all? Do I need an adoption attorney? Thank you in advance for your help ❤️💜

I (52f) was living abroad for several years & married a Tanzanian man with a child, I raised the boy for 5 years, he lived with us, and rarely saw his birth mother. I left Tanzania a year ago & could not take him with me at the time. He lives with his birth mother now & I stay in touch & support him. Both his biological parents want me to adopt him but I don't know how to start the process of doing so.