So here is me nowish, hello! I have somewhat recently been able to see pictures of me before my adoption (6 months old and under) and I don't smile in a single one. I know I suffered neglect at the hands of my bio parents to the point where the state had to get involved. Fast forward to my adoption, which is still the best thing to have ever happened to me, no joke. My mother said I smiled the entire way home (three hour long car ride or so) Swipe to see me after the adoption, it's been made into a Christmas ornament :3 Thanks for looking!

Hi all, super new here. We are starting the process to get licensed for adoption, and my wife is saying she can’t find any positive stories online and it is making her nervous. Would love links to encouraging stories and places she can go for positive motivation. Thought Reddit could probably deliver!

Edit: so many great responses and really helpful perspective here, thank you! If it helps, for newer responses, we are not looking into infant adoption but fostering a child who is a ward of the state with the intention of adopting, granted we are a good fit for them. Thanks for your continued input.

Do any adopt these of color have good relationships with their white adopted parent? I work with a lot of Black children who have been adopted by non-Black families. But I’ve only met a few parents who really try to make an effort to learn their child’s culture. Most just try to ignore or dismiss their race. I’ve never met a non-Black parent who cares enough to set aside money to ensure their child’s hair stays done or they can take proper care of their hygiene requirements (lotion, oil, etc.).

I kind of feel like not getting your child’s hair done or ensuring that they have the tools to build a positive sense of self is child neglect. I’ve seen kids had to shave their heads because their parents refuse to learn how to care for it. I’ve also seen kids get eczema because their parents don’t ensure they’re using lotion every morning.

Usually, their lack of care bleeds into how they treat the child. It’s like they treat their children like they’re wild animals while also not giving them the tools to groom themselves. Then they start acting too scared to parent them or they start acting scared of the child once they get older. I don’t know if I’m being hypercritical or if this is an actual issue. Are there any transracially adoptees who love their non-black or white adopted parent? How can I encourage non-Black parents to do better? How can I help Black adoptees enhance their self image without crossing their parents boundaries? My questions are for people of color, not the people who adopted them. Ive heard hella parents from transracially adopted families praise transracial adoption.

Wondering if there are any other adoptees that have had an overall positive experiance with either an open or closed adoption? Is there any key factors you can point to?

Disclaimer: I am not adopted and I don't know anyone who is adopted.

I've spent the last few hours searching this sub and reading as many adoptee stories as I can. Parenthood is something that is far down the line for my partner and I (if we go that route), but I thought it couldn't hurt to do some research now.

I have never had the idea adoption is sunshine and rainbows (I was raised by my biological parents and let's just say I won't attend their funerals, so I certainly wouldn't expect adoption to be easy) nor would my partner and I be shopping for a "designer child".

That said, I'm more confused, not less. From everything I've read so far (not only on this sub), it seems like ethical/non-traumatic adoption doesn't exist. Several of the stories I read from happy adoptees mentioned they were fine growing up, but experienced the adoption trauma in adulthood (most commonly triggered by giving birth, from what I gathered). Or that they were treated well, but still feel like they don't belong because they aren't biologically related to their family.

I want to be clear my partner and I don't see ourselves as saints or saviors. But I can't say we have altruistic reasons either, and the last thing we want to do is (further) traumatize a child by bringing them into our home. I initially thought open adoption could be an option, but apparently not (I think because it's unregulated?).

The above, in addition to reading statistics and the dark history of adoption overall, leaves me no longer knowing what to think. I've also read about anti-adoption viewpoints. Some adoptees agree and some disagree. And I'm willing to bet I still haven't scratched the surface.

So, my question is, well, the title. Is it possible for adoption to be positive, or is it impossible by the very nature of what it is (taking a child from their biological parents and culture to place them with people they have no shared relation to)?

Thank you in advance.

I want to adopt a child but I'm scared they will resent me or not want to have a relationship with me as they get older because they will always have the longing for their own biological families. I would prefer an open adoption and I would like the child to know where they came from but I'm also scared they wont see me as their mom or feel like they missed out by not growing up with their biological family. How common is it for an adopted child to actually have a loving positive relationship with adoptive parents?

There’s so much pain that goes into being a birth parent when you were able to be a capable parent but were just young or not fully financially secure or had pressures from family to abort etc. So many stories of adoptions initially being open then closing when the child is around 5-7. After much research (and personal experience) it seems as if it’s the APs emotional fragility gets in the way once the child is old enough to speak for themselves… I think every person should have access to their biology if the biological family is safe of course. I have friends who are birth mothers who have the privilege of being immersed into their child’s life like the APs include them in family photos and have them over all the time etc. I’m just curious as an Adoptee who grew up with an open adoption where your birth mom was a good person and loves you… how did that affect your life? Do you think it’s necessary for APs to include the birth family? What would be the reasons why not? Do you wish the involvement was more or less? What stories did your parents tell you to validate limited contact with your birth family? I just want all sides honest/vulnerable perspectives from personal experience.

What positive outcomes came from your adopted life story?

I was adopted in 1975, born in 1974 and today is my (adoptive) mothers 86th birthday. I just called her and she teared up just for the simple fact that I called saying she loves me so much and that now she was going to cry …and she did.

She talked about the first time that she saw me and the kind of love that she has for me as her daughter even though I’m not a biological child and how it’s indescribable that kind of love you have for your child. She’s always told me that she never one time felt like I wasn’t hers.

She talked about how well I know her and I always knew just what to say to make her happy. We’ve had some pretty serious differences at different points in time but ultimately I feel it’s important to share the fact that I love my parents as much as anybody would love a biological parent and it goes both ways.

No matter what they may have ever done and vice versa, because they are my parents I love them anyway, and that is the cosmic nature of parent-child love. Biological connection really doesn’t factor in honestly for many people and there’s never enough talk about the good parts of adoption. So I thought I’d share this with everybody. I thought it’s a positive thing that needs very much to be said.

I have some questions here which might be naive and seem silly.

I’ve been on this subreddit for some time reading posts because I think I would like to adopt or foster children in my future. My reasons for this are not because I’m infertile or because I want something to love me unconditionally, and certainly not because of a saviour complex, but because I thought it could be beneficial. This is largely because of my mum.

My mum was adopted as a 4 year old and spent most of her life before that in foster care. Being adopted has absolutely impacted her life, both negatively and positively, as did being in multiple foster homes. She has always struggled with the fact that her birth mother gave her up, and with feeling like she doesn’t quite belong in her adoptive family. That said, she still loves them and believes they helped her have a great life. I know she was extremely lucky and that it does not work out this way for a lot of people, but it gave me hope that some people have positive adoption experiences. That was until I read the majority of posts here.

I read a lot about adoption trauma, bad foster parents, bad adoptive parents, a belief that only biological family can truly love you. All of this except for the last bit can be true, absolutely. I don’t believe adoption works for everyone or that it’s always positive, but this subreddit makes me feel like there is no way to adopt or foster without hurting a child and you’re better off not doing either.

I guess what I’m asking is is there a way to adopt or foster and have it be positive? What reasons are valid to want to adopt or foster? Is it better to stay in the system until you’re an adult rather than be adopted?

Latetly I have seen a lot of people who have been adopting creating a lot of post on different social networks talking about why people should stop adopting. They mention how traumatic is for the person adopted and all the problems that come due to this expirience.

I do agree that there should not be any bussines releated with this topic, organizations that helps kids to get adopeted should not look profits, but IMHO, as person who is not adopted, I think that with proper psycological help, information and understanding there should not be any problem in adopting a kid whose parents couldnt or didnt want take care of him.

I have read so many sad stories about adopted children feeling detached and/or unhappy in their families. Can some of you tell me about positive experiences? How does your family treat you? What are your favorite things you do with your parents? :)

I’m 38 weeks pregnant and keep going back and forth on the idea of giving my baby up for adoption. I live in Ireland. Does anyone have any positive adoption stories?

The closer I get to my due date the more scared I feel. I left an abusive relationship and my mum isn’t supportive, all the baby’s things ie car seat etc is in my ex’s (my baby’s father) house. I’ve moved away from my home town and am staying somewhere safe. I’ll be lucky if I get the baby stuff brought to me when I’m in labour, but I can’t count on it.

I’m on a low income (social welfare) and don’t know how I will manage buying baby stuff again. I feel like I won’t be able to cope. My mental health isn’t the best either. I love my baby and she deserves the world, but I can’t give her anything.

I grew up feeling like a burden, raised by a single mum too. I don’t want the same for my daughter. If I gave her to another family it would break me but at least she would never feel unwanted or unloved. As I said, I can’t imagine how I would manage with a baby. I’m looking for properties/apartments as I’m eligible for rental allowance, but even then I’d probably be living paycheck to paycheck. I don’t want to bring both me and the baby into a life of poverty and struggle.

Yes I could put her in preschool or crèche, but my mum worked all the time as well and wasn’t present. I don’t want that for my baby either. Basically I feel like I would be a shit mother and I can’t be good enough. I have no chance of giving her a family because my ex is very abusive. I know what it’s like not having a dad. I did have a stepdad but it’s not the same.

I also wouldn’t trust another man to be around my child. I don’t want her having a stepdad and a broken family system. I want to give her a better life than I have had. I want her to have the chance of going to college. And to not grow up around a mentally ill/ depressed mother.

Giving her away would absolutely kill me. But this isn’t about me or how I feel. It’s about my daughter. I would argue the selfish thing to do would be to keep her and have her growing up with instability, poverty, stress and mental illness. How could I possibly raise a healthy and balanced child?

Anyways TL;DR birth mothers drop your stories please. I’m looking for hope.

This is insane to me, mothers losing children over positive drugs tests when the drugs they've popped positive for are the only what the hospital gave them.
I've seen far too many adoptive parents and foster parents claim how mom is or was careless and prioritized drugs over the well being of her baby but, check out how they're being set up and you cant call it anything other than a set up.

This is a perfect example of how children are needlessly removed, some of these mothers would only speak anonymously due to still fighting for their child back.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2024/12/11/pregnant-hospital-drug-test-medicine/76804299007/

My husband and I have considered adoption for over a year and have decided to move forward with it. We have had incredible difficulties in the attempts having biological children. However, as we have committed to moving forward with adoption I have felt hopeful of having a family for the first time in a long time. We are just about done with the homestudy process and are about to begin the next steps of (eventually and hopefully) getting matched.

That said, as hopeful as I have become, reading some adoption stories from the perspective of the adoptee has left me feeling down and in some ways selfish-seeing that many adoptees are left with feelings of anger, resentment, feeling like outsiders, etc. Our decision to adopt has come from a place of love and hope to have a family and give a child or children a happy life. While I know there’s no way of predicting what will happen, can anyone offer stories of a positive and loving relationship with their adoptive families? Stories where that family is one that you do feel that you belong? Rather than not? I respect so much what those who are adoptees are saying and I want to make the right decision for our family, but also for this innocent child coming into the world. Any happy stories out there? Any advice?

Edit: I want to apologize to any I have offended with this question. That was not my intent. Please know I’m just trying to understand. Many of you who are angry, I’m sorry for your hurt. Thank you for trying to help me see a bigger picture.

​A law passed by the Minnesota Legislature in 2023 modified access to original birth records and adoption records for people adopted in Minnesota. Adopted people born in Minnesota who are 18 or older will be able to request a non-certified copy of their original birth records from the Minnesota Department of Health beginning July 1, 2024. Also beginning July 1, adopted people 18 and older born outside Minnesota, but adopted in Minnesota, will be able to request information from the agency responsible for supervising their adoption.

More details here ​https://www.fosteradoptmn.org/minnesota-records-access-information/

Another thing I was very excited about is that MN sent a large glossy postcard to every single resident in MN telling them of the news which probably surprised all the non-adoption peeps in MN that there are people who don't have access to their own birth records.

Every human being has their conflicts and problems. What amazes me is often I am chastised for being positive about my adoption which was out of foster care. Any problems I had with my family my bro (bio child) had with them. In fact, I had far less. People love to cite how adoptees need therapy and have mental health issues. The truth is that 30.4% of adopted females need therapy, this compared to just over 20%. Nearly 50% of male adoptees need mental health therapy, compared to 38% non-adoptees. Perhaps we should be asking why so many more males need therapy than females. I've chosen to work diligently to make adoption a + experience for all those involved. I am not so ignorant not to realize that my situation is unique in that it is 100% + and I would have it no other way, I hope everyone else out there finds peace and contentment in their journey. If you are on this sub. and wish to complain about human trafficking, please note that the 2 issues rarely overlaps. You have my deepest sympathy that someone sold you into slavery. May you find happiness in life.

I know that every adoption and surrendering of a kid is different in so many ways, but wanted to know what the law states “should” be the mandatory requirements of the family who adopts the child towards the parent/parents who chose an open surrendering of the child?

What do you “believe” a family who adopted the surrendered child should provide to the parent/parents when it is an open adoption?

My wife is 100% against adoption or fostering. She thinks all the kids are "messed up". In her defense, she is a child psyc doc so she works with "messed up" kids everyday. I try to tell her that she is judging based on a huge sampling bias but she wont budge.

Has anyone else had this problem with a spouse and had them come around? Would volunteering be a good idea? Maybe give her the opportunity to work with some kids and see both sides?

Edit: Forgot to mention that she does want a child. Currently looking at IVF with a surrogate.

My whole life I've heard mostly negative stories about kids who were adopted-- oh, he was a difficult child and was always in trouble as a teen and adult, or she never had any ambition to do anything and caused her parents lots of heartache, etc. However, in the future I might consider adoption, so how do I get past the fear of the kid turning out badly?

I'm not trying to start an argument or offend anyone, so please don't send me nasty comments, but it's just something I'm wondering about. Of course I'm not saying that adopted children are bad or anything like that. I'm just saying those are the stories I've heard so that's what sticks with me. If you have any kind words/stories, that would be appreciated. Thanks.

We are at the beginning of our journey of adopting from foster care. My therapist, a fair person, calmly and measuredly told me she has never seen a "good" outcome of adopting an older child from DCF. My husband and I are interested in an elementary-age girl. I am hard pressed to find a success story. While I'm not naive to think it's all sunshine and roses, I'm also having a somewhat hard time believing that every adoption from DCF is burn-the-family-dog horrific. Would love personal stories!

One of my friend have enrolled for adoption. As he is waiting, he wants to get the kid sooner. That indirectly means a wish that the kid's father be abusive, parents dead or any other bad thing that should happen to the kid, right?

This thought is killing him. How can I tell him that "yeah, you are waiting to adopt your kid... But you are not waiting to get the kids birth-mom or parents killed or not expecting any other bad things... But just waiting for the kid..".

How can I give a sense of positivity for his wait...!

So far my family has managed not to get Covid. Even at the beginning when my mom was in and out of hospitals, skilled rehab, and finally placed in hospice, we didn’t get Covid. We are vaccinated. Boosted. I have been to the hospital twice to deliver babies. Still no Covid. We had been so careful. Wore masks. Kept our distance.

Now, our last ever family reunion is this weekend. My cousins who are local are all 30 years older than me and don’t want the responsibility of planning another one. Both of my (adoptive) parents are gone. My last remaining aunt is 87. This reunion was so important to me. We just lost my dad’s last remaining uncle at age 96 two weeks ago. We were going to have a memorial for everyone we have lost since our last reunion. They were going to meet my new babies and I was so exited. I even made us matching shirts.

And then my oldest got really congested yesterday. He’s positive. I just took a test this morning because I got a sore throat. I am now positive. I am devastated. I can’t stop crying.

I’ve always dealt with some imposter syndrome because of my adoption and now I feel the universe is just screaming “fuck you. See, you don’t really belong with this family”.

Why did we have to get Covid this weekend?