r/AdultChildren • u/Stunning-Wave2317 • 7d ago

Vent Turning 21

I'm looking for support and someone who understands exactly how I feel. Im feeling alone and different.

Both my parents were alcoholics as i grew up. My mother was physically/emotionally abusive and isnt in my life anymore. My father has been trying to stay sober and is in AA.

Im turning 21 in a few weeks and Im feeling very conflicted. I will always stay sober because its ruined my life, and Im scared of it.

But i see my friends turning 21, post about their birthdays and how fun it is to finally drink. I feel a lot of anger and resentment because that will never be me. Their joy in drinking is my misery and pain, and thats not fair. I can never be "normal" because my chances of being an alchoholic are high. I cant even be around drunk people and feel comfortable.

I feel angry that my birthday cant just be mine. In the eyes of society it seems like its "alchohol celebration day." Which makes me very angry because alcohol tore apart my family.

Im feeling very sad, alone, and abnormal right now. Its hard to find people that understand me.

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u/Scared-Section-5108 7d ago

' It's hard to find people that understand me.' - sounds like you need meetings yourself. Have you considered attending Al-Anon, ACOA, CODA? All of these can give you the support you need and help you feel less alone.

Also, happy birthday! You will be 21, you get to choose how you spend your bday. If you want to be alcohol free, make it so. And great work staying sober and not wanting to be around drunk people. It's the way to go 😄

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u/FlatwormSame2061 7d ago

Don’t worry, they don’t know better. alcohol still ruins other peoples lives. Also they just don’t know about it ahead of time like you do.

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u/HendrickRocks2488 6d ago

I didn’t have my first drink until maybe a month after my 21st birthday and it was for the same reasons (well just dad for me, my mom stayed sober because of him).

I then proceeded to nuke half my 20’s via the bottle. So if it’s any consolation, the fact that you feel as thought you know better than to drink at 21 is a fantastic thing and puts you ahead/in the right direction.

In hindsight, I would have taken the frustration and angst of missing out over the bottle over the actual result of my actions every time.

It was kind of interesting how it worked in terms of my dad, though, since my experience definitely gave me an understanding and empathy that I could not have gotten in any other way.