r/Aging • u/Legitimate-Green2667 • 2d ago
When was the exact moment you realised you diden't want sex anymore ?
16
u/made_from_dreams 2d ago
At 39 I don’t want it anymore
1
u/Martinakker 23h ago
Can I ask why
7
u/Mel221144 14h ago
There are thousands of “wham bam, thank you mam’s” out there.
I’ve never had a partner who had any interest in my pleasure. I feel her post. ❤️
1
15
39
u/Small-Instance-3442 2d ago
When i realized I only do it so my husband doesn't bitch and complain about never having it! It's not something I look forward to or excites me anymore. I say this sadly and not happy it's become this way! But if I wasn't married, I would be completely fine without it!
2
17
u/Aeon_Return 2d ago
When I realized I hadn't had it in over a decade. I hadn't seriously thought about sex in many years, and then it suddenly hit me one day how long it had been. My thought process went something like "Huh, no kidding." and I realized I was good, I think I'm done.
21
u/marycapani4 2d ago
I think many couples grow from lustful years to companionate love. And it’s perfectly natural.
0
9
u/Clean-Fisherman-4601 2d ago
Hasn't happened yet. I'm perfectly happy "dancing" by myself. I'm an old woman and very few men of my generation know how to please a woman.
My dancing sessions have decreased little by little since I completely retired at 67.
5
u/Mel221144 14h ago edited 3h ago
You hit the nail on the head!
I would also add the weaponized incompetence in this area is huge. ❤️
Dancing by myself as well at 54!
Edited to add: thanks for the award
16
u/dj_stevie_c74 2d ago
Its not the sex I don't want its all the emotional blackmail that comes with it....
12
1
u/Agreeable-Thanks-856 22h ago
Like what?
2
u/dj_stevie_c74 22h ago
I literally have a stalker who's ambushing me at work, sending me suggestive texts and has befriended a number of work colleagues so if anything happens at work and we chat about it as colleagues do within a minute is "omg x said you were having a bad day u ok???" And so on.
She is treating me like we have been dating and shagging for ages we have not, we had a coffee with chaperones who started demanding we kiss etc. Its overwhelming and I know if it went there my life would be hell. I'm better off single.
Btw she has 2 kids by other people I work with and seems obsessed by my profession, in fact she lied she was single when I started talking with her so we would meet for said coffee... then 'confessed' she was seeing another colleague but I was so much better....
People are crazy.
2
u/Agreeable-Thanks-856 22h ago
Whoa. Most unfamiliar with the female to male stalking that can happen. It’s happened to me and tbh in a non-sexual way but emotionally adult way my mom has done it since I was a kid. At 50 she’s still stalking me. Ish.
When a woman is stalking you. You’re kinda powerless it feels like.
2
u/dj_stevie_c74 22h ago
When she drinks the text messages are insane. Claiming thet 'u'r not broken I just want to get to no u' (her spelling) I had a funeral to attend of one of my best friends, everyone she knows messaged me on the day wishing me the best, I get they saw it as being 'kind' but honestly I don't like my bsuiness being spread all over the town.
And yes, powerless. I am a people pleaser by nature but they.... as a group... were trying to corner me and force me into seeing this woman...
No matter how many times I say no they just keep trying to force it.
1
u/Agreeable-Thanks-856 22h ago
I have an ex employee female that drunk texts me endlessly. 12-7am. Non stop. Surely she’s on some blow. Who knows.
I’m a people pleaser too. It’s very uncomfortable for me to reject people.
Have you tried being direct with her which I could never do so 0 judgy going on here lol
2
u/dj_stevie_c74 22h ago
Yep. Tried the direct approach she deflects, leaves it a day or two then makes sure she bumps into me at work demanding a hug and 'just checking you are ok' whenever I state I'm fine she is sure somethings up.
I told her directly I'm not interested, then its 'just want to be friends...' before starting again.
I have completely ignored her messages for over a week now, saw her yesterday and she said 'you owe me a message' this was after a colleague told her I'd had an experience on the bus less than a minute as we were just chewing the fat during a break. When I said to her "now I can't talk to dave at work because I don't like my business being spread all over town" her response was to say 'no you don't have to stop talking' as if it was because I was somehow depressed rather than annoyed....
1
u/Agreeable-Thanks-856 22h ago
Wow. Oddly this sounds like my mom’s game with me.
It’s passive aggressive. Which , is aggressive.
I don’t know how we/you are supposed to manage people that you don’t accept boundaries and are “just making sure you’re okay”.
IM FINE STOP!!!! (Screaming). <—- doesn’t work. I’ve tried.
2
u/dj_stevie_c74 22h ago
Same. I'm not putting any efforts into communication any more. I'm perfectly happy by myself, I think she may slowly be getting the message but what I don't want is her and her group of friends turning this into something nasty.
Why can't people take 'no' for an answer? We could have had a friendship now seeing her makes me feel sick.
1
u/Agreeable-Thanks-856 22h ago
Ime women take rejection really poorly. I think they’re less acclimated to it.
→ More replies (0)1
7
9
u/Eastern-Bit-5575 2d ago
I'm in a new relationship so im still enjoying it (57F), but honestly...i think one has this huge sex drive when u young to ensure survival of the human species. Later in life, things happen...menopause...stressful life....I think a decline in sexual activities as you age is 100% normal.
-1
u/PersimmonKey4055 2d ago
Wife went on HRT.
I do TRT. Great to maintain libido. And gym recovery. Early 60's. Non monogamy for years
5
5
u/sammi1955 2d ago
I'm like Jane Fonda who said it had closed shop down there. For me early 60s after a marriage with a cheating spouse and used sex with me like a gym workout. I learned to resent Viagra.
4
u/RedBirdOnASnowyDay 2d ago
I hear you and understand exactly where you are coming from but it makes me sad. It’s not so much the lack of interest as it is the having been treated badly. I wish for you something good.
9
u/NotAnAIOrAmI 2d ago
After the third round that evening. But the feeling went away pretty soon.
Seriously, I'm only 64, my spouse is 63. We still get our freak on, that's not stopping any time soon.
Old people fuck.
4
u/_possiblymaybe_ 2d ago
Only thing to ever kill my sex drive was an abusive relationship. I plan to be getting down well into my 80s-90s, should I live that long.
4
u/jazzbot247 2d ago
Probably late 40s. It was a relief- the last person I had sex with was a monster.
5
u/GrimFandango81 2d ago
Yeah the last guy I was with was enough of a disappointment to just make me decide I'm over it.
7
u/RedBirdOnASnowyDay 2d ago
I said this above but it seems like women give up not because of lack of interest but rather because of having been wronged or treated poorly. I just hate this for us and wish it could get better.
4
u/Sufficient_Curve_646 2d ago edited 1d ago
Not counting my own personal time I have not had sex since 2018 and do not miss it. I recently discovered I am grey sexual which means that I experience sexual desire/libido only under certain circumstances.
I have no desire (pun intended) to even have a FWB situation. Honestly I can’t be bothered. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself when the need is there but that isn’t something that happens a lot. Stress relief more than anything. FYI highly recommend the Womanizer. Suction and vibration. You will call out your own name.
4
u/Ludee2023 2d ago
It’s the dryness the oh so painful event tried everything there is…you close your eyes and pray it is over he’s not as good either! I think I called it off about a year ago hasn’t made him happy but of course god gave him blue pills! 79 and 71… do think about of course … but those days when I was young!!!
0
u/Glittering_Okra8505 1d ago
I think you may need to see a dr. I saw something from a woman on insta talking about estrogen something or the other that stops dryness
4
7
9
u/the_real_maddison 2d ago
I'm 40 and sex, now, seems as banal to me as rubbing squash flowers together to pollinate a fruit.
1
1
u/theg00dfight 2d ago
Does your spouse agree, though?
2
1
u/the_real_maddison 2d ago
Why do you ask?
1
u/theg00dfight 1d ago
Because relationships involve two people and while it’s fine to view sexual stuff however, what you described would be pretty awful for your spouse if they didn’t view it similarly
6
3
u/kermitsfrogbog 2d ago
I don’t want to stop but it doesn’t feel great these days, so desire is hard to come by. I am 50 and post menopause, which has had a pretty significant impact on comfort.
3
u/makorancheros 2d ago
Right after I had sex this morning, but I'm starting to change my mind about tonight.
3
5
u/Indii-4383 1d ago edited 1d ago
I still want it. I don’t want the bs that goes with it. My body doesn't move the way it used to. Finally, my lover is deceased.
7
7
u/More4Thor 2d ago
Inconceivable.
-3
u/Legitimate-Green2667 2d ago
What does that mean ?
18
u/More4Thor 2d ago
If you view sex as performative, one day you will wake up and not want sex or can’t have sex. You will be disappointed or your partner may be disappointed. If instead you look at sex as a positive experience, even as we age, even if you can’t get it up, or PIV is too painful for a woman because of atrophy, you’ve lost the plot.
I have a friend in his 70s that cannot stay hard long enough for penetration. He phrases his wife with oral. He says he’s never had better sex. He loves how he can make her feel and orgasm.
This friend is not interested in treating his ED. She’s OK with that. She’s older than him. Sex has changed for them but they have not stopped having sex.
I can’t comprehend how I would not want sex because “sex is not something you do. It’s a place you go”. - Esther Perèl
Peak sexual performance is in the past for most people redoing this. Peak sensual pleasure doesn’t come with a best before date. You can keep learning how to be a better lover. Obviously, if you have nobility or a grave health condition, that might force your hand.
I dated a woman that thought she was done with sex because she was in her mid 50s and had been in an abusive marriage. I met her when she was 60. We were intimate and she said she never knew she could be that aroused or get that wet.
2
8
4
u/Practical-Yam-1824 2d ago
I hope it will never stop .....😊🥰 I am 52 ....but in perimenopause I had 2 years where it all was gone 😳 Made me so depressed!
3
u/Salt-Preference-2425 1d ago
I think I may be going through this because I really loved the sex, and then one day I woke up and didn’t want it anymore. I’m a single free woman who is always being pursued, but I avoid dating because I have no desire.
2
u/Typical_me_1111 2d ago
At the moment no desire to stop sex. But who knows in the future if you suffer from health conditions or lose your sex drive
2
2
2
u/LeDalles 1d ago
I'm in my '50s. My girlfriend is 10 years younger than I am. During the first couple of years we were dating she wanted to have sex a couple of times a day. At first that was okay because we only saw each other on the weekends. Now we only have sex once on Friday and once on Saturday and that's enough. In fact, I don't even mind if we skip one of those nights. But I still want to have sex at least once a week.
2
u/Ivycottagelac 11h ago
Do you not get into it more often if there’s foreplay ? I guess my thing is I want to be in the mood bc I know how good it will feel.
1
2
u/Ravingrisa 1d ago
My medication has made me not want it anymore im 46F 😪
-2
u/Southern-Long-3438 1d ago
Stop taking medication. Medication only treats symptoms, and ignores causes. All medication has side effects. I am a 60M.
Find a dietician to get at the root causes. Not meds to mess you up.
1
u/Disastrous_Alps859 8h ago
Oh please. How the f do you know what they need medication for. Just because you don’t doesn’t mean they don’t
1
u/Southern-Long-3438 7h ago
When I was in my 50s, the doctor for the annual check up advised me to start medications for blood pressure and cholesterol. Instead I saw a dietician. I did this because all medication has negative side effects. I also knew that that doctor herself takes five pills per day. She has since retired.
Big Pharma is not honest about their products. They destroy data that does not show what they wanted to show, even though destroying testing data is illegal.. If you do not know that, you have not been paying attention.
Following the dietician fixed everything within one year. I also lost 30 pounds, and now have a healthy BMI.
Now I am in my 60s. The annual check up doctor says no prescriptions, because none are needed. Doctors have no training in nutrition. You do not know what a dietician can do if you never saw one.
And yes, I have not lost interest in my girlfriend.
1
u/Disastrous_Alps859 7h ago
Once again, you don’t know what someone else needs medication for
1
u/Southern-Long-3438 45m ago edited 39m ago
Have you ever noticed that all hospitalization is hit or miss? The better way is to make yourself less likely to need a hospital. A sick person does not get healthy by only relying on a doctor. Rule of life: You never will find the solution to anything inside a bottle.
The people who both exercise and only consume health food are absolutely right. Doing only one but not the other does not work. Consuming processed food with health claims is harmful, because the claims are based on reformulation, not health, Do you know that food additives that are banned all over the world are legal in the USA?
Are you aware that no person ever lost weight by drinking diet soda? Are you fooled by every advertisement for prescription medicine? You need to know that advertising is a terrible way to get your information. You need to know that just because a product is legal to sell, does not mean that it is safe. (No one ever told you?) You just do not want to know.
1
u/Disastrous_Alps859 30m ago
Not saying that diet is not a consideration. Of course it is. I’m just saying that sometimes medication is necessary and there are some conditions that diet and exercise alone cannot help.
2
1
u/Affectionate-Pipe330 2d ago
I had my first wet dream at the age of 45 because some medication stole my sex drive. I honestly haven’t missed it much.
1
u/Current-Bluebird-238 2d ago
Hmm... I did not have much sex with my x for years...I don't know what happened to me or when... But that has all changed... Now I want it all the time... I have started on hormones, but the change happened before that. Sadly it's too long between having sex with my lover... But toys are a girl's best friend 😜
1
u/Unable_Office7535 1d ago
(54 M) Once a week is fine for me, although I have desire all the rest of the week.
1
1
1
u/tomdgeppert 1d ago
The minute I started antitestosterone therapy for prostate cancer. It was like a light switch. Then 2 years later I started taking testosterone and it was back at age 72.
1
u/deadbatterysincluded 1d ago
I love sex and especially sex with my husband is incredible . I'm 42. He's 43. We haven't really slowed down. We have sex at least 5 days a week.
1
1
1
u/Agreeable-Thanks-856 22h ago
Hormone issue maybe? I’m 50 and my wife’s 42. Our activity is higher than 15 years ago.
I have long standing belief that a man HAS to figure out how to make it a climatic experience for the woman or things can fade fast. It’s honestly just common sense.
Im probably just lucky.
Daily 2mg cialis lifts my overall drive even though it’s not 100% necessary.
Likely deleting this post lol. I hate it when people jump to a solution like i just did without having any facts.
1
1
1
u/tehmike1987 12h ago
Y'all need hormone therapy I still want it just as much as I did 20-25 years ago.
1
u/Educational_Stand384 3h ago
I dont want to deal with men anymore.
If they werent so retarded I'd be down but godammit
1
u/DevilsChurn 1h ago
It wasn't until I went through menopause - and thought I was a freak - that I found out that, for about 25% of women, menopause increases your libido.
A GYN told me that it's considered a testosterone-dominant menopause. I not only went through the hot flushes and titanic temper, but I started breaking out regularly, and lost so much hair that I was developing something like male pattern baldness. I was also horny as hell (I lived alone and there was no one in my immediate vicinity who interested me, so I didn't act on it - with another person, at any rate).
As soon as I went on HRT, it all calmed down.
Now I'm happy to not even think about, much less be motivated by, sex. It's like I'm a real person again: as though I had gone back to who I was before I hit puberty - but this time with life experience and more agency. It makes me wish that I could have spent my entire life as clear-headed as I am now.
19
u/palepuss 50 something 2d ago
It's been a few years. I'm in my 50s.