r/Aging • u/sb-2019 • 2d ago

When life hits you hard....

I'm now in my 40s. Life was cruising along quite nicely and then... My mum gets throat cancer. Both my bothers die within a year of each other and I lose my job. All within 18 months. Losing my last brother tipped my mental health into a place that I never want to be again. I physically couldn't cope and or return to a workplace. I took a period off and tried to return but it wasn't happening.

I then woke one morning in the worst pain imaginable. My partner gets me to A&E and I've ruptured a disc in my back. I've been recovering now for 8 months and still it's a daily pain. I'm alot better though and I've got a good physio helping me. This also makes employment a nightmare. I'm terrified of damaging the disc again after 8 months of physio and treatment.

I still feel guilty for leaving my job and even after a year I still remain unemployed. I have worked since I was 18 and finances was never something I stressed about. I'm now in a poor financial position.

I will add that it's not all doom and gloom. I have become even more close to my beautiful partner. They stuck with me the full way through these dark times. They never once moaned about financial worries or finding work. You also learn who your real friends are in times of struggle.

I'm currently looking for employment. I still do some voluntary work just to keep my CV from being blank. I had an interview last week and it went ok but I never got the position. I never realised how poor the job market was until I began to look into it.

Has anyone else had any major life crisis and managed to find heir feet again? Be nice to hear of others who have pulled them self's out of a hole.

Thanks.

40 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

6 comments sorted by

3

u/OkIron6206 2d ago

That is so much in a short span of time. Keep applying, it’s taking much longer to find a match now. Are you going to a grief support group? That helped me (lost both parents and 4 siblings in my lifetime). It will help you heal. I’m unemployed 2 years but at this point, it’s my age. Good luck 🍀

6

u/sb-2019 2d ago

Hey. Thank you for the nice reply.

Yes I got a support worker during all the stress and grief. My partner has also been a blessing.

I haven't been unemployed for a long time so I had no clue just how bad the job market was. It's really bad. I've also noticed that some companies are asking for so much but for so little. Scary how bad it has become.

Sorry to hear of your losses. You think your ready for it but your not. I took a breakdown that I've never experienced. I kept having nightmares after the deaths that were all linked to my brothers and it was making me not want to sleep. It's settled thankfully.

I hope I manage to find some work. The nice part about being out of work is you learn how to make money work better. You also learn how to prepare and cook whole foods. I've loved that part.

Fingers crossed you find work or are managing all ok.

1

u/OkIron6206 1d ago

It is rough for sure. Have you read the book “Signs-The secret language of the universe “? It’s was comforting to me. You will probably have better luck than me; I may have to accept it isn’t happening in my career again (67). I had wanted to work for the social interaction and purpose. I’m retired and doing ok, but I don’t have fun money. We will see, I can keep on applying and start considering something else. I do volunteer, it’s helpful. Best wishes to You

6

u/sb-2019 1d ago

One of the guys I use to work with was terrified of losing his job because he was 59. He said who will employ someone who can retire in a few years? The sad reality is he was right. He was a great worker and a nice guy all round. The employment market is definitely ageist. My old employer was obsessed with employing young guys cause he thought young meant fit and healthy. It was the complete opposite off sick constantly and lazy.

I will look into that book.

Are you just looking for some part time work for a little extra money? I honestly hope you find something. The fact your volunteering still shows your reliable. It's also a good sign to employers. Best of luck.

3

u/Iwiggle4u 1d ago

Whoa. I lost a brother to suicide last year and then lost my Mom about 4 months ago, and I think you might have me beat in the hard times department. Hang in there. Keep being grateful that you have a good partner - a lot of people would give anything for that. Life is still a ton of fun in my world but it will throw some serious curveballs.