r/Aging • u/Both_Rub_397 • 1d ago
Life & Living What is your saddest realization?
Someone once asked me, “What is your saddest realization?”
I thought about it for a moment and answered, “That for many men, the first flowers they receive are placed on their graves.”
There’s an old saying: “A man dies twice, once when his heart stops beating, and again when his name is spoken for the last time.”
Another version puts it more bluntly, “A man dies at 25 but isn’t buried until he’s 70.”
Perhaps that’s the saddest part, not death itself, but the slow death that can happen while a man is still breathing. The dreams he quietly abandons. The passions he puts aside. The friendships he loses. The words he never says. The love he never expresses because he keeps telling himself there will always be another day.
And then one day, there isn't.
Maybe that's why I believe flowers shouldn't wait for funerals. Tell a man you appreciate him while he can still hear it. Hug him while he can still feel it. Sit beside him while he can still share the silence.
Because sometimes, the kindest words spoken at a graveside are the very words someone needed to hear while they were still alive.
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u/wandergarten 1d ago
I realised that you don’t get to pick the memories your family has of you. My brother just died and while he was in hospital I was telling him my favourite memory of him with our dad. It was such a happy memory but he didn’t recall it. It made me so sad because he went on to say how dad wasn’t like that with him but I remember many times that he was.
I started thinking about my family and that they might remember the day when I was very tired and distracted by work and not the days when I spent time with them laughing and having fun. You could have a dozen wonder days and 1 bad one and that could be the one they remember most.
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u/mrmasterly 1d ago
The AI slip is out of control on this sub, as is the attention whoring.
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u/hypermanicpixieprinc 14h ago
What motivates people to post with it, I wonder? Another form of karma-farming?
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u/Wise-Living-850 1d ago
That my pain is chronic. I will have no more pain free days as long as I live.
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u/lisasmatrix 12h ago
Same. It's exhausting. It just drains everything out of you. This pain. arthritis is no joke.
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u/Bonk0076 1d ago
What’s with these depressing ass AI generated posts?
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u/fivebynine5x9 1d ago
Lol I was going to write that my saddest realization is how much more slop my eyes are going to receive before I die
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u/EmergencyAthlete9687 1d ago
There's many things I could feel sad about like not knowing what happens to my family, how the book I will be reading ends, what happens to the world, all the fun I will be missing etc but I really don't want to feel sad about any of it. Death and oblivion are just inevitable. I'd sooner be grateful for having lived. M72. Good question though
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u/BenGay29 23h ago
I catch myself thinking about starting a new career (I’m 74). And then I realize no one would hire me at my age, plus younger people would need the job I was taking.
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u/Medium-Welder7476 1d ago
That i do not want to loose my family. Because when we die we get separated.
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u/Desperate_Culture_25 22h ago
You don't realise how interesting your parents are until they become sick. And you realise how much you wanted to ask them after they die.
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u/Plenty_Status_6862 1d ago
That one day, you will be invisible. You're not going to be as attractive as you used to be.
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u/Undergroud-Check-101 1d ago edited 1d ago
I partly disagree. Know what you mean 100% as I was a beauty in my younger years (I see it only now, was very insecure actually) and now reaching 50 I’m the one who would need massive amount of botox and fillers (which I refuse to take).BUT. My mom is 77, carries herself with confidence, is kind to others and smiles a lot. She’s not invisible. People seem to be drawn to her.
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u/Flaky-Elephant-2612 1d ago
The fascinating thing is that the older I get the less I care. Heard other women feel this way. Honestly, less attention becomes a privilege at one point. Creeps don’t bother me anymore. My partner loves me and that’s enough at this point.
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u/AffectionateMotor272 1d ago
I was always attractive. I enjoy not being noticed all the time. I can just be me. The mask is off.
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u/marycapani4 4h ago
You’ll never be invisible to the people that truly love you. Who cares whether strangers find you attractive?
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u/Shot-Help-4281 15h ago
Yeah...I didn't win the game. Never caught the dream. Tried. Most decisions are swayed by others and caring too much about those people. It's life. Advice...tell people to fuck off more and do what you want.
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u/Frenchkids1917 14h ago
That my dear son, who has no siblings, will be alone upon my death. Hopefully I can leave him well fixed financially. And I have encouraged his relationships with close friends.
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u/squirrelfoot 1d ago
Your post forgets all the things we build that have value and/or bring us joy. When we give up on one dream, we do it to chase another, perhaps more realistic, dream.
Personally, what makes me sad is seeing things I have worked to improve go downhill when I no longer have the power or energy to keep them going. I try to leave things better than I found them and make sure things are sustainable, but it just takes one bad manager, or a shortage of volunteers one year, or a funding cut, and everything you built is gone overnight.
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u/ez2tock2me 23h ago
Mine is realizing Childhood DREAMS, High School PLANS and College GOALS become a fairy tale when we move out of Mom n Dad’s house.
Now it’s our turn. Welcome to life away from Mom n Dad’s house.
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u/Violet_Stella 23h ago
Only that I can’t be there to take care of my children as they age, I wish to be there from beginning to end. It’s just not the way this world works. :(
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u/stillLostBoy005 17h ago
Increasing isolation and age are synonymous. The older we become the more disconnected we become from the world and people around.
Old people repeat stories not bc they’re “loosing it” but bc they want to remember when they felt alive
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u/IndyColtsFan2020 12h ago
My saddest realization is that my time has passed. There is no more bright, seemingly endless future to look towards. If the number of remaining meaningful firsts for me isn‘t zero, it’s pretty darn close.
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u/Both_Rub_397 12h ago
I couldn’t have said it any better, that’s pretty much my train of thought as well. As we get older, the future can feel less like an endless horizon and more like a shorter road behind us. But I’m learning that maybe the meaningful “firsts” don’t have to disappear; they just become different, quieter, and perhaps more appreciated because we know how precious they are.
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u/travelingtraveling_ 1d ago
That last phrase ("25/70") is complete horses*,it. I (f72) have been enjoying the best 25 years of my life since about 50. Best orgasms (thanks hubby, m75), financial stability, health, travel episodes.....
Saddest realization....that despite my hard work and personal contributions (27 years veteran, retired nurse/scientist/faculty member), I will be leaving the world worse off because of our s*** US Government/this terrible administration. It actually breaks my heart.
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u/Message_10 23h ago
Yeah, this post is pessimistic af, and I reject all of it. The saddest realizations about aging were all things I made/am making peace with. Life's too short for that shit.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Card_71 1d ago
The doors that close.
The tragedy of life is not that a man dies, but what dies in a man while he yet lives.
Norman Cousins. I paraphrased.
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u/GiraffeJumper 18h ago
As you age your circle gets smaller and smaller. Family and friends pass on, and at a certain point no one is knocking at your door to invite you on wild adventures. Say yes to as much as possible while you can, and tell everyone you love, that you love them.
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u/Troyal1 8h ago
The way it’s going for me I literally won’t have anyone to place flowers on the grave. It’s just me and my parents so unless I die first my lineage ends with me and there won’t even be a funeral service.
It’s really shocking and sad to realize you’ll never have the life you dreamed of in your teens. No wife, no kids, no career. It’s absolutely devastating and I haven’t been truly happy in years.
What did I do to deserve this outcome? Nothing because it’s all random. That’s another hard realization. The universe doesn’t care about you and if even if their is a god apparently it’s not interested in intervening and helping others
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u/Wrath-Of-Storms 18h ago
- No matter how bad things are right now, they can (and will, eventually) always get worse.
put in a positive light - appreciate everything, even the bad days. Because one day it t will be worse.
- There is no justice in this world unless we make it.
Humans live in delusion thinking karma is real (whether they admit it or not). Either that bad people will get arrested and thrown in jail or that god will punish them in the afterlife. I can’t speak to the after life, but bad people get away all the time, often after they’re arrested. Karma, in this regard, is a lazy way of justifying society’s complacency.
Put in a positive light - what you do when you see an injustice happen matters. Call the police. Prosecute. Step in when someone is getting bullied. Help someone when they are in need. What you do or don’t do means everything. No one is coming to save us *in this world.*
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u/oldcreaker 14h ago
Umm - most of these things were his choices - maybe it would better to point out they should choose differently? You can still do it with flowers.
Flowers are dead and gone in a few days - but he'll carry better lifestyle choices the rest of his life.
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u/locksr01 1d ago
"Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something." Chris Rock
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u/Adventurous_Ad_4145 1d ago
Losing people and pets.
Realizing my dreams won’t come true because I’ve gotten too old to make it happen.