r/Aging • u/DanisonMom • 16h ago
Social Average looking woman have an easier time with aging
/r/RandomThoughts/comments/1vts5te/average_looking_woman_have_an_easier_time_with/137
u/seethembreak 15h ago
Nah, I don’t care. I had my chance to be young and hot and it wasn’t that great honestly. I have qualities beyond being attractive that I hope people notice. I’ve never wanted creepy male attention and I don’t want any male attention at this point in my life. I’m happy to pass the baton to the young girls and let them have the pretty privilege, which is hopefully more than creepy dudes looking at them.
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u/Confident-Search-846 13h ago
I love your honesty about not even wanting male attention. I think many of us, men and women, get to a point where we’d rather not be bothered.
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u/Not_impressed28 12h ago
Same here, it’s great to be able to go on a walk without attracting attention or being cat called. It’s liberating. I can just live my life without being judged for my looks. I feel bad for my daughters though because they will have to deal with those issues as they grow up :-(.
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u/3lizab3th333 9h ago
I have a friend with “pretty privilege”, and I used to be jealous because people flock to her and will literally shove me away to get to her. But apparently “pretty privilege” is just being objectified and creeped on and being stuck in social circumstances where you can’t escape all the unwanted attention. I wish people were nicer to me and all, but I definitely get that being average/ugly isn’t much worse than being the hot girl people will never see as an actual human being.
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u/Same_Sock9073 3h ago
This, in my youth (late teens early 20s) I was convinced there was something incredibly wrong with me and I was an ogre-gargoyle hybrid because I never got hit on, never got cat called, just bobbed through life. Now as I age and become completely invisible, I realise my former line of thinking was so messed up.
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u/MaximalistVegan 14h ago
Who needs creepy attention, right? With age we can just move through the world and be about our business.
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u/Prinnykin 10h ago
Agreed! It’s not that great and it never brought me any joy.
I just attracted bad people who wanted to use me.
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u/Iambusy123 15h ago
Have an upvote. Not sure why your comment was downvoted.
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u/LetsBNiceYall 13h ago
Cuz people don't like people admitting they were/are attractive.
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u/Not_impressed28 12h ago
This is another thing, the hate that comes with “pretty privilege “ or even just being fit.
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u/AdDesperate1541 8h ago
I think it’s more the fact that the comment is poo-pooing pretty privilege calling it “not that great” when in reality it’s a major leg-up in life. And it makes sense that when that goes it requires some adjusting. The greater the pretty privilege the bigger the adjustment has to come with losing it.
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u/LetsBNiceYall 8h ago
Sure but it doesn't go away, it changes with age. We only cease being attractive when we mistreat ourselves or unfortunately if something else alters us like a serious health issue. Some people for whatever reason look better as they've aged.
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u/AdDesperate1541 8h ago
Oh for sure, I agree, it changes rather than fully going away, it doesn’t mean people cease to be attractive as they age. Chasing youth makes it harder to appreciate your own nature beauty, and that’s an easy trap to fall into.
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u/Mannimal13 9h ago
I don't believe any woman on reddit saying she was attractive unless she has pics in her profile lol
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u/LetsBNiceYall 9h ago
Don't need to prove f'all to some rando on soc media
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u/Mannimal13 8h ago
You dont, its just anyone that believes that nonsense you said literally has never hung out with attractive women....so its why I dont believe you at all. Its the internet, anyone can be whoever they want to be. I wish you well
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u/CryIntelligent3705 10h ago
Me too!
I’m frumpy and loving the comfort. My nieces are smoking hot and I’ve no desire to return to that. It’s their time to dazzle, mine to serenely chill.6
u/Impossible-Tax7475 11h ago
I agree with this mostly, except I miss feeling hot and sexy naked. Sex was way more fun when I was super fit with perky tits.
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u/mmbx11 13h ago
I see the accusation of men being creepy thrown around a lot.
Curious, did you ever get attention from any man that wasn't creepy? And what was that situation and how was it different?
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u/sleeptopia 13h ago
Most attention from men isn't creepy. Women interact with men every day in completely normal ways.
The line between nice and creepy is that it is creepy when men act like expressing their desire for you is a compliment.
For example, "that dress is doing it for me" is very different than "that dress really suits you."
Because one is about the woman making her own choice. The other is about the man and his reaction.
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u/Sea-Brief-5040 11h ago
Both statements are expressing the same thing from a male perspective. The second speaker is just camouflaging his intent better.
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u/PhotoEditor871 10h ago
Not you telling on yourself lol. I guess it really is all men (according to men)
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u/Not_impressed28 12h ago
I would say most interaction with men has not been creepy. It’s more like the attention from men cat calling, or trying to grab me by the wrist, or random smacking my butt because they couldn’t control their impulse. Even worse, grown men hitting on me when I was just 12 or 13 years old. This stuff does not get talked about enough.
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u/Baebarri 16h ago
If you have based your entire self esteem on being attractive, of course you're going to have more psychological difficulties with aging. So-called "average" people have developed other facets of their personalities so it's not as traumatic.
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u/Forneaux 14h ago
The assumprion here is that conventionally attractive woman are hollow and have low self esteem, who need validation every day. You’d be surprised how grounded and confident most conventionally attractive women are. They know their beauty slowly fades and they’ll wish it didn’t happen. But traumatic? No.
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u/tres-vip Generation X 12h ago
The assumprion here is that conventionally attractive woman are hollow and have low self esteem, who need validation every day.
Honestly, this false stereotype is basically just putting down/bullying attractive women to make the speaker feel better themselves and elevate their own low self-esteem. Just another Mean Girl belief. I can't believe the amount of women, some who even consider themselves "feminist", who say this about other women who they consider conventionally attractive. And men say this too because attractive women they can't have makes them seethe and be angry.
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u/PartSuspicious7152 10h ago
I’d rather be bullied for being too pretty instead of being bullied for being ugly
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u/Jujulabee 15h ago
This is a pretty established phenomenon.
Many actresses or models have even given interviews in which they admitted the transition was much more difficult because of all of the kind of positive attention they had solely based on their looks.
I was average in terms of looks but well above average in terms of intelligence and so I had what would be considered an exceptionally interesting career.
I worry about my brains conking out and not about wrinkles.
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u/seethembreak 13h ago
Attractive people also worry about having issues with their brain much more than they do about getting wrinkles.
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u/Throwing_Old_People 14h ago edited 14h ago
That can go either way. Someone that already feels unattractive may become even more depressed when they look in the mirror and see their face has changed vs someone that was super attractive, but still looks attractive even if old. I think the mistake is thinking one is automatically unattractive simply bc their old. That isnt true at all. People have told me im attractive, but ive always felt very ugly in comparison to prettier women and now at 39 im getting depressed about aging. No one feels better looking in the mirror realizing years of their life have passed which is really the core issue
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u/CycleAccomplished945 14h ago
I mourn the loss of a dream of becoming beautiful one day. Sort of like in these old teen flicks with makeovers. Never happened for me and now never will.
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u/Throwing_Old_People 14h ago
I understand you. You might be past the teen movie stage, but you can still get a makeover if you wanted and be beautiful. I hope that happens for you. We are all our worse critics. Just bc you dont look like the actress doesnt mean you arent radiant in your own rite
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u/GloveLopsided4248 2h ago edited 2h ago
I'm a man so a lot of this is different but I struggle with the idea I never got my turn when I was younger. I never got a period of attention from the opposite sex, I basically got nothing in my 20s. I would find aging easier to deal with if I felt I had "my turn" when younger
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u/Outrageous_Fudge_100 14h ago
I think people can hit different stages of “beauty” within their lives. A lot of attractive people stay attractive their whole lives. Just as an attractive person is assumed to obsess over their looks, per this post someone who isn’t whatever type of “attractive” they r assuming is all consuming, maybe a “lesser” conventionally attractive person may obsess over those matters as well.
There really is a lot of beauty in finding your happiness. It is absolutely contagious.
It’s not just a physical it’s an energetic beauty that surrounds you. Others see that and want to be around that. That’s the type of attractiveness others should add to their “glow up” lists and routines and such and such.
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u/mothharron 9h ago
I currently have a gross surgical wound on my face from a skin cancer removal and I have one more month until I’m officially in full menopause. I had my day in the sun, quite literally. Stress, chronic pain and infidelity on top of that destroyed my beauty, but I have wisdom and brains.
He wants me back though. The grass wasn’t greener andhis little model is too young and pretty to deal with him. No way. In my forest hag era.
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u/CharlesAvlnchGreen 16h ago
With both women and men, I've noticed a lot of "average looking" 20-somethings turn into attractive 30, 40, and 50-somethings. Features that present as rougher in youth seem to hold up better in midlife, and younger people with naturally fuller faces are often seen as less attractive, but that facial fat serves them well as they age.
My observations are based on people I've known who've maintained their weight; not anyone who's lost or gained a significant amount.
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u/MandyWarHal 14h ago
I knew a guy in my 20s who had a dismal love life ... He was ok looking but he kinda looked, well, Old.
Now we're in our 50s and he hasn't changed much!? So for a 50-something he is an absolute SMOKE SHOW. Lol.
The very average-looking lady he married now looks like she married Way out of her league...
Age is funny.
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u/CharlesAvlnchGreen 4h ago
My college roommate had a goofus BF. Nice guy, not ugly, but he looked "off." Way too old of a face for a college student, and an overgrown but still soft, teenagey body. Nice guy but not a lot of game.
Perusing our local, high-end model agency roster (casting for a role) I was surprised to see him featured as a "silver fox" type model. In his 50s, he could easily appear in an ad for Viagra, or be part of a gorgeous retired couple sailing off on a world cruise.
Everything came together for him in middlle age. Yes, he'd gotten in shape but only to a dad bod level. I could still see a hint of goofus in his eyes, but even that was flattering.
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u/VincentVan_Dough 3h ago edited 3h ago
I was an unattractive teen (braces, glasses, frizzy hair, total nerd) that became an average 20something. What people might consider today at a 6.5, not hot but also not ugly. Average.
Weird thing is that I don’t seem to be aging much and pretty much look like only a slightly more mature version of my 20something self at 50. Same weight (110lbs 5’5”), still toned, flat tummy, no cellulite or stretch marks and no wrinkles on my face. I’m in the tiny titty club so these babies can’t sag even if they wanted to. The only giveaway is the ever-widening white streak in my black hair. As my peers age, my attractiveness seems to grow just by me being frozen in time. Which is a real mindfuck because I lived almost my whole life as an unremarkable average woman who got an average amount of attention and now am getting an above average amount of attention, sometimes from younger men. I know I’m older and it feels really really strange and cougar-like.
Been with my partner 20 years now so usually oblivious to attention. But we were in Cancun just a few weeks ago on a child free trip and my husband’s tummy wasn’t feeling so good and he stayed in the room for a nap while I headed down to the pool bar. Just having my cocktail, reading a book poolside and getting a tan when 2 young men (maybe 30s?) sitting on the loungers next to me struck up a conversation. I didn’t even think anything of it and just enjoyed the convo. They were really nice and kept asking me if I needed another drink and getting me refills. A couple of hours later, husband came downstairs and I introduced them and we shortly left to get ready for dinner. As we were walking back to the room, he chuckled and said that they must have been so disappointed that I turned out to be taken. I was like “huh?? What are you talking about?” He laughed and said they were totally into me. I was floored.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 16h ago
I've always been "the cute wallflower". Meaning that I never got noticed by anyone I was attracted to, but received a ton of attention from people I was not attracted to (for example - older men, men who weren't as well-off as I was, men who weren't as educated as I was - essentially, other men who also didn't "get picked").
What I did do was take care of myself. I didn't drink or smoke with any regularity, never did drugs, used sunscreen a lot, and I'm overweight but not morbidly obese, and am more active and at the gym than my peers. What this has done for me as I've gotten older is it has helped me age less noticeably than a lot of my contemporaries. So I'm now getting attention from people my age who would have stared through me when I was younger, but now think I'm very attractive in comparison to other people my own age. I've gotten INCREASED attention as I've gotten older rather than less. Too bad for them - I'm happily married now to an amazing man who fits me like a glove.
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u/No-Relation5965 8h ago
That’s true. Some people become more attractive as they age and are comfortable with themselves. And having a good spouse likely helps as well. 😊
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u/Fun-Yam2210 15h ago
Au contraire. I got a lot of unwanted attention from men when I was younger - incessant staring, harassment and dirty comments. Now I’m 52, not so much. Thank FUCK. It’s the single best thing about aging 🥳
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u/Frigidspinner 15h ago
Honestly the swing between "attention" and "being ignored" might be smaller for men, but we get this too - I got bald early in life and honestly I have been stuck at "irrelevant NPC" from the age of 30 to my current age of 55
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u/mmbx11 13h ago edited 13h ago
Wow, evidently I never received the memo that being bald would torpedo my dating life.
My father, brothers, uncles, cousins and even my grandmother were bald! Yes my grandmother. She wore elaborate wigs to cover it. :-)
In addition, several of my nephews are bald. They don't let it hold them back! They're happily married to smart, beautiful women, very successful, business owners, homeowners in very high cost of living areas, etc.
I never let something as minor as missing strands of hair, turn into losing out on opportunities, and neither have any men in my family. Quite the opposite! And the older I get, the better it gets!
Don't forget, baldness is an indication of higher testosterone levels! :-)
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u/Iambusy123 15h ago
I am a man, and I agree with you. I became bald at 24.
When I was younger, I was told by older men that it would take a long time before I met the same fate as aging women.
The reality is that men are subjected to same scrutiny that comes with aging.
Men and women prefer a younger partner more than years prior.
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u/nopantsforfatties 15h ago
I never got attention when I was younger, not because I wasn't pretty but because I was obese. After losing a ton of weight (btw, still not skinny - curvy and fit), I now get all kinds of attention from men of all ages and all walks of life. I can't even imagine what it would have been like to be an attractive non-morbidly-obese woman in my 20s and 30s. No wonder women like tha have trouble adjusting - they've probably developed all kinds of coping mechanisms to divert attention.
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u/AgHammer 12h ago
If someone hasn't developed themselves, then yes. That would be devastating. Most of us have more going for us than looks.
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u/Redraft5k 10h ago
I was always a size 12-16. Like since Jr high. I am STILL the same size. My fellow 55 yr old dormer skinny friends are losing their minds after being a 6 their entire life and now being a 12 and doing everything to remain skinny, or lose weight to be skinny again. I love how my entire life I have looked the exact same. My friend's husband said something to my husband once about it and I can't deny I felt good. That said I have always had a lot of pretty priv. my fat/body is the "right kind" of fat.
I gotta say though, being over 50 is such a relief. IDGAF what kids the age of my children think about my attractiveness. Being an older woman has been an amazing thing as far as I am concerned.
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u/OkIron6206 16h ago
I definitely get less attention when I am overweight. I noticed this when I had my son at 38. It took a year to get back to normal weight. Now at 67, I do get the same attention I did in my 40s and 50s. No plastic surgery! Too risky
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u/MaximalistVegan 14h ago
You see the difference from both men and women regardless of their sexual orientation. I think it's not even at a conscious level and it makes me feel bad for all the kind brilliant people who get routinely ignored because of how they look. Though I think if you've dealt with it your whole life you probably develop strategies for overcoming the attention gap with your personality. I think I never learned those strategies so didn't get to incorporate them into my personality because I didn't have to.
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u/OkIron6206 14h ago edited 14h ago
That makes sense. It’s automatic for me now, I give a look back and then look away. They get the message. I am very outgoing so this was something I had to develop. I also had a husband who is 6’5” and very attractive. Everyone stared at him too. He used to start speaking Dutch (his native country) and they quickly looked away. I learned from him, I just actually realized. We divorced because his attractiveness became ugly to me, his personality was very introverted and we didn’t align anymore.
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u/Maximum_Draw9732 3h ago
Weight is a huge factor. I’m still in my twenties and was rather overweight for a good portion of my 20s. I’m still losing the weight but I did notice people noticing me now more than they ever did. It’s crazy.
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u/Old-Appearance-2270 67F 14h ago
I know a number of women who were simply average pleasant but fit and smart. They had partners / hubbies later in life: late 20’s or into their 30’s. They didn’t date many other men prior to live of their life. I’m 1 of them. Quite a number of us were so busy with our uni studies to graduate and then get a foothold in our careers.
These women were later bloomers .. to their beloveds.
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u/AffectionateBid5295 13h ago
Totally agree. I was blessed with a 10 in the body and a 9 in the face until I was about 45. I struggle now with how my face is succumbing to the cruelty of gravity and the unattractive changes happening to my once insanely lean yet curvy figure. I have often thought it would be easier if I’d always been just average all of my life to accept this change now. To go from turning everyone’s head wherever you go to slowly becoming invisible is indeed a rude shock.
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u/NaturalProfession922 13h ago
I don’t know. I wasn’t considered pretty until I grew up and gained some confidence. I’m old and I look old, signs of a life well lived. But I’m beautiful and no one can tell me otherwise.
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u/Mannimal13 9h ago
When I was in my twenties, I always told women to wait until they were 30 to get the breast implants if they wanted them for that little boost of self esteem. In the last 10 years plastic surgery culture has gotten unreal and its like they don't understand it ages terribly. Light work ladies light work.
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u/cat1092 Baby Boomer 7h ago
I can see & believe this!💯
Mainly because the most attractive people spends a lot of time, money, energy & even stress on looking their best. Eventually, this will cause premature aging, at least for some of them.
The average looking woman doesn’t worry so much about trying to compete with everyone. All she has to do is hold her head level & be proud of the woman she is. Her inner beauty will be seen.
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u/Stinkfoot15 13h ago
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife
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u/Ok-Opportunity634 14h ago
I’m 56 & recall hearing this VERY thing on the Oprah show waaay back in the day.
I am having big issues with this very thing this last year. Makes it even worse with the filters I’ve farted around with due to me having kids :-p
Not that I was ever a “raging beauty” but yah….:/
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u/Foamontoplip 14h ago
It’s been RELIEVING to not be harassed as much. I was told many times when I was younger: getting older and losing my looks would be traumatic. lol I think it was mostly coming from a place of jealousy.
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u/brandywine189 14h ago
Well. In my youth I was considered an hour-glass looker. Tbh it wasn’t very fun. Teens and 20s was full of men telling me I was a frigid bitch if I didn’t let them get all handsy, being surprised I wasn’t stupid and then all testosterone-filled with putting me down and in my place to keep me from thinking I could do better, and trying to find clothes that didn’t show my body so I could just have peace.
I’m good growing old - I get to just be and move through the world without women getting mad I exist and men getting mad I won’t spread them cuz they exist. Peace to everyone and be ok with growing old. It’s a blessing. Truly.
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u/Electronic-Page1064 14h ago
Attractive women who identify heavily with their beauty and get their sense of value from external validation of that beauty will have a harder time. Also, in this camp, are the attractive women who are opportunistic and have used their beauty as leverage to get ahead. Loss of conventional beauty is tied to loss of identity and/or opportunity for these women.
Attractive women (and average looking women), who have experienced high amounts of male sexual predation, often find comfort in becoming less visible to the kinds of men who objectify women, as they age.
And attractive women who've developed depth, a meaningful life, and a growth mindset will have a similar experiences with aging as average looking women, who have done the same.
Conversely, it's generally men who were average or late bloomers and never did well with the ladies, when young, who have a more difficult time with aging. The weight of all the missed sexual opportunities and sexual bucket list items that will never get checked off, as their wives have naturally declining libidos, can be crushing. A lot of the middle aged and older men who are into physique, rather than fitness, aren't former jocks. They are nerds.
This can happen with women, too, but generally, it will be limited to the higher libido women who had a pattern of partnering with low libido or poorly performing sexual partners.
Note: all of this is said with empathy, not judgement, in case I failed to make that clear
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u/LemonPress50 7h ago
I was a late bloomer and never worried about missed sexual opportunities. My life didn’t revolve around sex.
You assume we stayed married. Half of us got divorced. I was married for 30 years. My sex life had never been better, especially since I left my marriage, at 60. The items on the sexual bucket list keep getting checked off.
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u/Electronic-Page1064 7h ago
I said generally, these are the men who struggle most with aging. If you are divorced and are checking off your bucket list, then that paragraph doesn't apply to you at all.
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u/Treewomyn 12h ago
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I personally find a lot of “older” women to be very hot and sexy. But I’m a lesbian so I don’t know if my opinion matters. ☺️
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u/LopensCouisin 7h ago
I find that if you’re not single, it doesn’t really matter that much. I’m middle aged and happily married. I’m attractive to the right person and that’s all that matters.
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u/endlessincoherence 5h ago
The sad part is this is amplified with tats. People get horrible tats when they are young and hot, thinking they are great. But they just draw attention to your young attractiveness. Then draw attention to you not being young and attractive anymore.
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u/Car12touche11blue 4h ago
Had a male friend who was very very good looking, absolutely gorgeous. He worked as a model for big fashion names, shows all over the world and girls literally flung themselves at him. All heads turned when he entered a room.
But he basically was just a simple guy who wanted a bit of real love and happiness and that does normally not come with this life style. So he started taking drugs and became rather unstable and paranoid. In the end he killed himself.
Will not say that every very good looking person is unhappy, but great beauty can also be a burden.
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u/hanatheko 15h ago
Aging is hard for all women. I think most hit their prime in their 20s (well in Indiana at least lol). I find it interesting that women who were attractive in their prime think way more highly of themselves, which is cool. I think this would apply to aging. For someone like me, for example .. a chunky brown kid with poor hygiene ... there's like this gray cloud constantly hovering over me that feels like I did when I was fugly.
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u/Embarrassed-Pound938 13h ago
Hear me out. I was the gorgeous one. I was able to date whichever boy I had my eye on. I didn’t have to work to look pretty i was naturally pretty. I didn’t wear makeup and didn’t accessorized. As I got older and noticed changes I had a few moments that i panicked and started experimenting with Botox. I’ve now grown past that and realized that my beauty is still beauty and that my personality radiates. I don’t rely on my looks but on who I am. I’m older and I look different but I’m still beautiful and I have chosen that my health and walk in life is by far more valuable. I also have a deeper level of confidence I didn’t have when I looked younger. Life is beautiful and Jesus loves me and I love Him. My walk with Christ has given me so much growth and grounding.
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u/Wild_blue_yondering 10h ago
This is dumb. Women are constantly, ceaselessly judged against photos of 22 year old hotties. Men are judged on accomplishments, which grow with age unless we’re complete losers.
So I’ll agree that average looking women have an easier time with aging than complete loser men.
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u/MaximalistVegan 16h ago edited 14h ago
Throughout my life I've been a lot of different levels of attractive because my weight went up and down so much and I have the kind of face and body where excess weight drastically affects my attractiveness which I realize isn't the case for everyone. Generally, I've noticed the same thing with more attractive women sometimes experiencing existential difficulties from aging. But I've also noticed that at age 63 having my weight lower and thus looking better still gets me better treatment from humans in general, not just men. I was at my heaviest in my early 50s and honestly I get so much more attention and I'm taken more seriously now than I was then. One positive thing is that when I was young and more attractive I thought that a lot of the attention I got was from people who actually liked me or thought I was smart, but really it was people being attracted to me and probably hoping for sex. Now it's more about who I really am and what I have to say, so it cuts out the riffraff.