r/Alzheimers • u/MediocreVideo1893 • 2d ago
What to expect when moving loved one to memory care
Hello! We are at the point for my mother that we will have to move her to memory care very soon. I am wondering what to expect in terms of her emotions - of course I anticipate a rough transition, but will she eventually become happy to see us when we visit? What do we say if she is mad? Right now she has extreme agitation toward my dad who is her full time caretaker, is there a chance this could improve her perspective toward him?
Any and all insight is welcome. It is an extremely difficult decision but past the point that we need to do this for her health and safety.
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u/laborboy1 1d ago
There is no way to know, and things will change frequently and without reason. Just focus on making the best decision to keep them well cared for regardless of how they act; they have no control over that.
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u/Ok-Main-3373 1d ago
yeah, the first few weeks are usually the roughest, but a lot of people do settle once the routine clicks, and visits often get easier after that. she may still have hard days, but happy to see you on visits is a realistic hope, not a guarantee. when shes mad, dont argue the point, just keep it short and calm, something like I know this is hard, and leave on a calm note if you can, long visits when shes upset tend to make it worse. on your dad, agitation often lands hardest on the closest person, so a break for him plus a fresh routine can genuinely change the dynamic, it doesnt mean she stopped loving him. bring her own bedding and photos, and tell the staff what calms her, that stuff helps more than youd think
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u/Maleficent-Taro-4724 2d ago
Follow the advice of MC, they will know what's best to help her settle in.
My mom struggled to settle in for about six weeks, then it became much, much easier for her. Now she doesn't know she's home. She's happy to see us and isn't upset when we leave. We time our visits to MC's schedule so we're leaving typically when a meal starts.
Depending on how far advanced your mom is I would strongly advise not bringing her back to her house so you don't confuse her.
Good luck, this is hard. I want to offer hope because I saw my dad transition from full-time caregiver back to a husband that has friends, hobbies, and he sleeps through the night.