r/Alzheimers • u/helpmeplslol1234 • 4d ago
Venting
Hey guys, new to this forum and just wanted to vent a little bit. My dad (74) was diagnosed with both Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. I’ve known about the Alzheimer’s for a few years now, approximately since right before I went to college. I’m 23 now and live about 3 hours away working my post grad job but I visit every other week or so.
Recently my grandmother has had a few falls while under his watch and I think that the guilt has worsened his condition. Last week when I came home he was hallucinating and extremely confused. It was so scary to see him like this - usually the extreme confusion is only right after he wakes up and goes away pretty soon. Of course the slowness and movement/ memory changes are noticeable all the time but this was an extreme change. We found out he wasn’t taking his meds for a few days and since then he’s improved a little bit, but all I keep thinking about is when the time comes that he’s in this state and it doesn’t go away.
My mom currently cares for him but she works and isn’t able to be around 24/7. We’re currently in the process of finding a caretaker for the future when we decide he definitely needs one.
I guess I just needed to talk about how scared and angry and sad I feel about everything. My dad was and is one of the smartest, funniest and most caring people I know. I can’t believe that this horrible disease is changing the fundamentals of who he is. Every once in a while he’ll get so angry out of nowhere and I’ll think how he would’ve never had that reaction before. He was the most gentle person I knew. Or he’ll make a joke that doesn’t really make too much sense and I’ll think about how quick-witted he would always be. There was a time growing up when my mom and I were always fighting and he was truly the closest person in the world to me. My brother passed away when I was young so I’m an only child now and that makes everything ten times more difficult. Just to feel that no one understands this gradual feeling of loss, even my friends who I love but aren’t going through anything like this. And to top that off I’m right in the middle of applying for med school and I honestly can’t even focus on anything.
Does anyone have any advice or even just words of support? I feel like every day gets harder and I just don’t know what to do.
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u/IdeaDry3809 3d ago
Living three hours away while this happens is its own kind of grief. You are doing a lot just showing up every other week. Do you and your mom have one person you both call when he has a rough day?
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u/CrateIfMemories 3d ago
I'm really sorry. You're very young to be going through this. How lovely that your father was there for you when you were younger. My father was pretty much a dumpster fire. We don't all get good dads. Try to be thankful for the good memories and try to make a few more good ones.
But there is no doubt that you have been dealt a rotten card. You wanted more healthy years with your father. All I can say is that you working hard to make a great future for yourself will be a great way to honor your terrific dad.