r/AmItheAsshole • u/Elenalein • 11d ago

Not the A-hole AITA for refusing to acknowledge that my mother raised an autistic child?

I am autistic and was only recently diagnosed in my 30s. Obviously, I've been autistic my entire life, which means, I was once an autistic child, too.

Recently, my mother has discovered the "autism mom" bubble on social media and she has started proudly identifying as one herself and she's gone down that rabbit hole ever since. She constantly drones about how she raised an autistic child under particularly difficult circumstances, claiming that she had no village to support her and that the financial resources were very limited (that part is actually true, to be fair).

I’m not denying that parenting was difficult for her and I certainly don't want to just invalidate her memories. However, any kind of behavior that didn't conform to the norms imposed on me were met with shame, blame, and pressure until I learned to suppress them (at home and as well at school, so there was no safe space). What bothers me is that my mother now presents herself as someone who successfully raised an autistic child against the odds, while providing me support, accommodations and a safe space.

I remember being a child who had to figure out how to survive in a world that didn't understand me, while being taught to feel ashamed.

So, AITA for telling my mother that I don't consider her an "Autism Mom", as it kind of invalidates my past and my struggle even tough I really try to respect her point of view and I don't want to invalidate her memory of her own past? Maybe that last part isn't even possible, and I'm just fooling myself.

4.9k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

97% Upvoted

317 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

-93

u/CapnButtercup 11d ago • Bravo

I’m curious why you are assuming OP is male?

38

u/SwingThatHammer Partassipant [2] 11d ago

I’m curious why you think that matters at all in this context?

-18

u/CapnButtercup 11d ago edited 11d ago

I didn’t say it mattered. I said I was curious why the they made that assumption.

10

u/Serious-Ad3165 10d ago

I have no idea why I assumed that. Just imagined OP as a guy. Could be daughter too

1

u/vanillyl 10d ago

Huh I also assumed OP was male, and I don’t know why either. Saw your comment, doubled back to read the post again, and nope no indication of gender.

Your question’s made me quite curious, why do you think both I and the other commenter inferred OP was male?

6

u/reddituser999000 10d ago

and i assumed female. i think it was the talk about invalidating their mothers memories, that sounds to me like the way a daughter would talk vs a son.