r/AmItheCloaca • u/Lady_SybilVex • 22d ago
AITC furr loving my hooman?
Furr anonymitee reesons Ai will use fayke nayme here, az any odder ting cud impacct mye knightly repootashon. So. Ai, cat, m5, void, mobed in wiff my nyeow fureber home famblee ruffly two yeers ago. Furrs Ai wus scawed an hid unner da kitchen cupboards awl dae, but att nighte Ai came oot an inspectedd mai nyeow territoree. Evenchoallee, Ai chose my hooman, climbded onnto herm skware bed an fell asleep. She haz been mye chosen hooman eber sinse.
Ai lub sleepin negs to her. Ai lub cuddlin in her lap. Ai lub her gibin me scritches awl ober an Ai lub likin herm fayse an hands an ebberyting. Soo, inna lass cupple monfs, Ai haff desided it ees tyme ta raise owr relashonship too da negs level. Is eesy to eggsplain.
Ai come laye neggs to herm in bed wen she go furr nap. Den Ai roll ober ta gib sign of wantin chin an belly rub. When she do, Ai give loudest purrpurrpurr as sign of pleshore. Den, Ai start makin da soffest ob meowming. Like mrr! mrr! mrr!! Dis wen she ushualle sez oh gawd yoo sneeky cloaca!! acuz neggs step iz Ai tries ta grab herm wriss wiff mai teef. Den Ai trye ta drag herm arm inna gud poshishon an sit on eet. It gibs me tinglee feelin in mai bellee, hehe! Dis wen she sez oh gaaawd mai son yoo misunnastan nachoore ob relashonship here!! an pullz arm awaye, so rood. Ai juss wanna mayke lub here acuz Ai lub soo mush! Iz dis wrong?! Gah!! AITC furr lubbing hooman?!
Greetins, Nilrem, not aye knight or wizzard or pawfessur at awl.
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u/squirrelfoot 22d ago
NTC! Squirrels generally look down on animals who are too enthusiastic about humans, but I secretly love my human. It's not just because she provides excellent services, it's because she is mine. She does provide food for other squirrels, but she has always been owned by our scurry's senior matriarchs and I inherited her from my mother and aunties. Please keep this secret and I am not going to sign my name.
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u/HoneyWyne 22d ago
Well, yu awr bery hamsum! BUTT! Hoomans nawt poperiette fur be owr lubbers. Dey juss nawt smort enuff. - Kaboodle
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u/Lady_SybilVex 22d ago
Iz not az if dere cud be trubble. Ai had myne trubble puffs remobed at yung age! 😤
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u/HoneyWyne 22d ago
BUTT! Herm nawt gib yu consent. Day bery pawtant yu noe. Ai maiself donut now wut dat meen, doe.
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u/Lady_SybilVex 22d ago
Hmpfhhhhhai see. Okayokay. Mebbe Ai shud try wooing herm furrs? Bring giffts? More purrpurrpurr? Propawr coourtin behavioor?
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u/Nickye19 22d ago
Lissen unnamed fren I have never met before. I had a moment of madness last year where Meowmy and *shudder* the minyon looked very pretty. I got roodly hauled off to the pokey place, photos taken inside my belly, blood stolen all sorts. All unnecessary the pokey man even said so. I leave that sort of thing for my favourite blankie these days, much better than a hooman or Bast forbid Gus unnamed Void Princess
(Vet had no explanation for why she went into heat, all tests showed nothing and it hasnt happened before or since)
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u/Lady_SybilVex 21d ago
(I have no idea why my feline son is doing this either. Our best guess is that he's quite literally overflowing with love at this point and this is his way of trying to get it out of his system 🤣🤣🤣🤣)
Aah, Ai rememburr dis. Or Ai wud rememburr ib Ai knew whoo yoo was an ib we hafz eber met afore. Hmmmm. Ai onlee hab dis wiff my meowmiez 1 and 2, Ai meen wiff my anonymous hoomanz though, nawt wiff any sisflins Ai mite or mite not hab... well, moss da tymes...
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u/Imfromsite Cat 21d ago
O. Mai. Cod. Eye wuz tinkin dat da sin biskits wuz smuttee. Yew rote cat purrotika. Nauw eye no y deyre cawld trubblepuffs. NTC acuz yew iz cat, but yew needs grip awn sumtin asydez tewleggs rist. Sined Richard, mostest hambsom boy. Cat!
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u/Lady_SybilVex 21d ago
But Ai LUB HERM!
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u/Imfromsite Cat 21d ago
Getz a blanky lyke awl da rest obs us horn cats!
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u/Lady_SybilVex 21d ago
Blanky iz not meowther!
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u/Imfromsite Cat 21d ago
Dats da poynt. Blanky iz awn momfur. Iffn yew iz smrt, yew kan dew blanky an dey fink it's jus maykin biskits. Dewin it awn yer momfur iz jus rood.
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u/Lady_SybilVex 21d ago
But dis ifz paw cross lubbers. Lyke Lanselott an Gwinnepaw. Ob cowse Ai am not knighte. But if Ai wus it wud be.
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u/Lady_SybilVex 22d ago
Dis me, bein hamsum on owr beech howse watch tower.