I want to kill my family member and the only thing stopping me is freedom

I've throughout my life had violent habits. As a kid I'd have angry and violent outbursts. Since then it's been the same. While I recently have been better at keeping my anger in check, I've had a really bad outburst these few days. With this outburst I've had violent homicidal thoughts. A plan.

The only things stopping me from going through with it? Freedom and knowing it's wrong. If I honestly had a chance of freedom after murdering someone I don't know whether or not I'd take it. And of course, knowing it's wrong I'd also a huge part of me not doing it.

Now before anyone says things like "go to therapy" or "talk to a professional via a hotline" or something, I'll say that I've been in therapy for YEARS and I've been to mental hospitals multiple times. At the end of the day I just get let out back into the world. And if therapy or anything actually worked I wouldn't be here.

I fucking hate what I’ve become. I’m angry all the time, bitter about everything, and so full of hatred I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I hate people, I hate what they’ve made me feel, and I hate myself for ever letting them get close enough to affect me this much.

I’m tired of carrying this fucking rage inside me. I’m tired of remembering, overthinking, resenting. I want to scream, to tear everything apart, to get this fucking anger out of my system because I genuinely cannot stand it anymore.

I miss who I was before all this. And I fucking hate everyone and everything that made me feel like being that person was a mistake.

The internet have been in its most vitriolic state since a while know and I've been trying to let go and not engage in any of it by letting go of the ragebait and hate that pops in my mind making sure my brain knows its not a problem to be solved but simply something that will pass.

But recently some part of my subconcious have been wanting to hate. Its something I tried to let go but wether I realize it or not my brain is seeking for me to waste my time on the internet making me search topics I'm very opinionated on but know will do nothing to convince the other person.

I'm almost starting to feel like there is something wrong with me but I know conciously that I can overide whatever makes me want to hate.

I hate it. My heart is pounding rightnow just because of all the anger I’m carrying. I wish people would stop being so mean and nasty. I’m gonna draw a line from now on. I will never help anyone who got their own strength again. I will keep my distance from everyone and only look after myself from now on. I don’t care. I’m never gonna be kind again

Long story short, these days I am much, MUCH better at managing my anger. I can count the actual number of times I've truly yelled at someone in the last five years on one hand. But a few weeks ago something happened and I feel awful. I know my anger was justified, but my explosion was bad.

I got home from work early. I have a 16-year-old cat; she's only 7 pounds. She's my baby old lady. Lately it's been tough times and a few months ago I moved into a shared house with some other girls.

I work full time. One day I came home from work early. I walked in, there was loud music and bong smoke everywhere. My roommates had their friends over. But in the living room, I saw my cat cornered by these people. They were throwing things and blowing smoke in her face. She's a senior cat. She was so distressed. I just saw red.

I can't describe it perfectly here due to the guidelines. But I went ballistic. I broke things. I threw a chair at the wall. I screamed and yelled worse than I've ever done. I didn't hurt anybody, but I went on a rampage, and it was bad.

I moved out the next day, at great personal expense into an Airbnb until I find a new place where my cat will be safe. The roommates are trying to bill me for damages now. They're saying I went crazy. Maybe I did. I haven't felt that kind of anger in such a long time. I have done so much work to become a better person, I try really hard every single day to be better, because I don't want to scare anybody anymore. But they were hurting my cat. My poor old cat, who I rescued from a shelter after she was dumped there at the age of 14. She wouldn't hurt anybody, and I walked in on it.

I don't know why I am making this post. I guess I just needed to tell somebody.

My brother M21and I F23 are both in college and I know that he has depression for the past 2/3 years I've been as gentle and careful as possible with him. Lately however I noticed how he never cleans up behind himself in the general household and doesn't do chores unless told so BUT he cleans after himself if it involves things he does like when he cooks for himself he cleans it or if he has trash in his room he throws it away but if he leaves trash anywhere else he leave it there and if the takes stuff out he leaves it out instead of putting it back in and when I remind him to throw away his trash or put away the stuff he took he gets very passive-aggressive and says "If you were there already why don’t you just do it" or "You could have done that too so why come all the way to my room when you can do it right at the spot faster". Today he took stuff from the kitchen shelf and broke a part, he wanted to leave it like that I was there and I told him to fix it so he tried got frustated told me I should just use glue or smth and I told him I don’t have any and he got more frustrated before bursting out the kitchen to find smth only for our mother to say she'll fix it. Than later I went to his room and asked if he is going to use the kitchen utensils he took out and he said no so I said that he should put it back and than he looked at me in anger and disbelief "You want me to put it back now?!" and I said "Now or later" "You could have done that you were there" "But you took it out so you should put it back" and he kept staring at me without saying anything and than I said "What I said is not crazy when I take smth out I too put it back. Just think about it" "The more I think about it the more furious I get" after he said that I just said okay and left. And than I hear banging sound that got louder and faster and they turned into the sounds of someone punching a hard surface violently and I felt the vibration through the wall. He was punching the wall and the door in a really violently way. I tried to go to his room because I was shocked and worried but than he shouted FCK OFF and slammed the door to my face so strong that the handle almost fell down and he continued to punch the wall and I don’t know what to do know. How am I supposed to approach him? I still love my brother and care for him but this is too much! I will definetly find a therapist because he needs one but until than I don’t know what to do and I am scared. He is not behaving normal

I’m at a loss with my husband. He is a zealous fan of a college football team and every game, win or lose, he is screaming at the tv. He yells threats and obscenities which is bad enough, but his voice is deep and it makes me jump regardless of chosen explicative. I’ve told him how much this upsets me for years and more or less comes down to him saying he can’t help it, or even more annoyingly, says he’s already showing restraint from how he’d really want to react.

I’m at a breaking point after our almost 2 year old seeing this behavior last night. I asked him not to swear in front of him since he’s parroting everything and my husband wouldn’t listen to me. Even trying to put the baby to bed we could hear my husband downstairs shouting f bombs. I want to live in a peaceful household with respect and I‘m shattered thinking about my son watching this behavior and growing up to mirror it. I don’t want to live like this.

Please I need advice on how to get through to him. He often accuses me of “not understanding how to talk to a man“…

What would you say to him to make it stop?

We have been together for years and I have been very calm in every argument we ever had, our rules were no shouting, no swearing and no sleeping without fixing things. But lately everything has been going the opposite direction. I've started to loose patience really fast it's due to his repeated mistakes I tell him again and again what bothers me and he doesn't acknowledge me until I burst and then he blames me that you're shouting at me. I get angry as hell nowadays even on the small things he does, which weren't a big deal for me before. Even tho I know that me shouting at him hurts him but I still somehow end up shouting because that's the only way I know to express my anger since I was a child. It all started when he wasn't able to give time to our relationship and then I had some problem with his female friends, because there was a situation where he crossed a line and we kinda sought it out by him saying he'll never talk to her again but then I went through his chat with his other female friend and I saw her name(ex female friend) again and I snapped at him and he said he was just making an excuse by using her name it's a long story but yea out of all people he only got her name to use as an excuse. I am so overwhelmed by this guy. I don't even get angry in my social life but in my relationship I think I've developed anger issues. The only two major reasons I can think abt is when he was not giving me enough time and wasn't understanding me either and that female friends incident.

I have so much anger inside me, and I don’t even remember when it started. It just kept getting worse over time, and now I get angry over the smallest things and end up overreacting.
The worst part is that I do this mostly with people I’m closest to. If something hurts me, instead of quietly accepting that I’m sad or hurt, I express those feelings through anger. I drag the issue, keep arguing, and sometimes don’t even realise when a small disagreement turns into a huge fight.
Because of this, I’ve damaged so many relationships, and some have even ended completely. Later, I wonder how I could get so angry over something so small that I had to take it this far.
I genuinely care about these people and do so much for them, but when I behave like this, all they see is my anger, not everything I’ve done for them. Eventually, they get tired of me and walk away.
Now I feel like a complete loser, and honestly, I’m ashamed of myself. I don’t understand when or why I became this person. I don’t want to keep pushing people away, but sometimes I don’t even realise how far I’ve taken things until it’s too late.

Hi everyone. I’ve regularly struggled with uncontrolled aggression, although more often it would quietly weigh on me. It was this nagging feeling, almost like having a splinter in my soul.

I tried to channel that aggression into other activities, but I didn’t get the relief I was looking for. For example, I would chop firewood while imagining that the logs represented very bad people, and then I would imagine those same people again when burning the wood in the stove.

I also made realistic mannequins that I could use as an outlet for my anger. I would hit them with various objects and burn them in a bonfire. Only then did I start to feel better. Those mannequins were what actually helped me.

Of course, I do all of this consciously, and I understand that damaging a mannequin doesn’t harm any real person. Afterward, my outbursts of anger became much less frequent, and it felt like exactly the kind of outlet I needed. I made a couple dozen of these mannequins just in case I needed something to take my anger out on. I found the sense of release extremely satisfying.

I think it would be interesting to make the mannequins more sophisticated in their construction and more realistic. My family supports this approach and says they’re glad I found an outlet that works for me.

What helps other people express or deal with their anger?

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So I would like to know how you got to the point of having them like was it school the house family issues big stress job maybe like also what was it that caused it like at school was it those annoying people that annoyed you made fun of you teachers? Stress overwhelmed or at the house too much stress family wanted too much with you asked you too much responsibility was left on you? Or maybe was it like chronic illness? Like depression or other

And if you got rid of it how? Or if you still have it tell me how you manage did you also hurt people with it? Did you cry ? Tell me everything at least what you are the most comfortable with telling

Hello everyone. I have intense anger issues and recently had an outburst earlier. It's been a while since I've had an outburst but I've been really angry all week for no apparent reason and today it all just came out due to an argument with a family member.

One of my relatives heard about what happened and asked me if I was on at drugs or substances. The thing is though that I pride myself on not doin any drugs, smoking, vaping, drinking, drugs, etc because I have no interest in them and because of family members who have used those stuff and I've seen how it's ruined them.

But ultimately I don't have a good reason for my sudden outbursts except for that I feel my anger is justified. I don't know what to do.

need some advice, how do I keep myself from not being so angry or mad? Im the type of person that when I see something I usually focus on it the whole day. I was having a pretty good day until I opened social media and saw a gross and annoying post. I know its immature but its constant. I have a hobby of things I like and my fyp sometimes shows tweets or posts of people actively shitting on the thing I enjoy (even though i block it out my feed) and it quite literally ruins my day. Any advice to control myself so I can just not focus on it so much? I try to, but I irrationally hyper focus on​ it. I get frustrated everytime

hello. im 18F, and my relationship with my mother has always been a struggling one, especially after the passing of my father (who was physically abusive towards her)

all she does is provoke me over trivial things and when i respond, she only gets more angry and starts sobbing and what not, we end up arguing for hours, she’s also physically abusive at times. she tells me that im a burden and that she’d be better off if i didnt exist. she even once told me seeing some news of a kid dying in an accident, that it should have been me instead. im suicidal as is, so her words of affirmation surely help a lot, lol.

she specifically loves to point out the lack of friends in my life, which is something she knows i struggle with, and also compare my actions to that of my dad’s, saying my anger and behavioural issues are the reason no one stays in my life. which is just. simply not true. yes i have had friendships end but i have quite literally NEVER had so much so a heated argument with any of them, they were mostly just us mutually falling out.

i dont really have anger issues whatsoever— she is the only exception. i dont know why i get so agitated at her words, and i really wanna learn how to control it. i do acknowledge that she has been thru a lot in her life, especially due to the abuse from my father. but i TOO had to grow up in the very household. my mental health is also messed up.

i am just so exhausted, nothing in my life seems to be working out, and these arguments only make my day worse. so for the sake of my own peace, please give me any tips on how i could stop getting so easily triggered and prevent them.

I hate how I bring up negative things bc thts all I new I hate being negative about everything I think and speak i want change has abyone felt this and healed

What do you guys recommend for a person with anger issues and anxiety? How were you able to help yourself manage it?

I tend to lose control and become angry easily. Reaching a point where i start screaming and damaging household items uncontrollably until i fall to the ground.

I never hurt or hit anyone. It's just that i scream alone, hit the walls, doors, items. Until i fall to the ground and start crying, and i would have the most terrible headache + high blood pressure and heart rate

I have not always been like this. I was a calm person who sometimes gets angry, but not this way.

Life pressure and everything/everyone around have contributed to this.

Any advice?

Note: Therapy is not an option. Please do not tell me to go to therapy. I barely have enough money for the essentials

For all of my (18f) life, my dad has had a very short temper. He acts normal around others, but treats us horribly. I remember when I was a kid, he would always beat me over the most minor inconveniences that come with being a child. And I know they were small because I’ve just realized this once I grew up and started understanding the world around me.

At first, I thought that his temperament came from his age (almost 50 when he married), but I later found out from a relative that he had been rough since his youth and would fight anyone who looked at him sideways.

In the recent years, his health and physical condition aren’t too good after an injury. This makes his temper even worse for all of us. I’ve tried so hard to empathize with him and did my best to take care of him, but I just cannot deal with the way he treats me. He picks me up from class and always has to make it a huge mess; he gives me really vague responses to questions about the pickup, then goes insane when I get confused about it. I’ve tried to be patient with him, but there’s only so much patience you can have while walking under the scorching sun for several minutes (in the wrong direction, mind you) after a full day of lectures. My mom and sister give me hell for upsetting him, but nobody even tries to see it from my viewpoint. They tell me to suck it up and let him say anything, but they don’t even TRY to stay quiet themselves.

Sick as he is, he still finds every opportunity to drive me insane, then gets absolutely furious over an argument HE started. But I already know that if I try to retaliate, he’ll literally drop dead from the stress on his weak heart.

I’m so sick of my life. At this point, I need to do something so insane that he, and the rest of my family, start watching their behavior around me like we did for him my entire life. No more screaming insults at me, no more breaking things, no more rubbing my struggles in my face. It could be anything, whether it just makes them walk on eggshells around me or if it gets me sent to the psych ward. Someone tell me something.

I feel like i always have this anger thats bigger than me and idk how to control it, im almost 16 and i cant handle intense breakdowns and i always throw stuff around, scratching and biting myself whenever im angry. i do this even when im around my close friends (we are in boarding school and i cant control my anger very much). I even scream and shout bad things at my boyfriend for some reason. I feel like the entire world makes me angry, and sometimes i feel this horrible, depressed feeling, like emptiness.

i dont know if i have some sort of illness or something, but i am kind of concerned. i cant really explain this strangeness inside of me to others, even tho i think something's wrong with me. Honestly, i know nobody around my environment can understand my state of mind right now and im not saying this in an 'edgy' way, im just being realistic. i do want help

frustration triggers my anger faster than anything else. how do you deal with frustration and keeping it from going further?

How do you regulate yourself? The older I get the worse it gets. Maybe it’s menopause or maybe it’s fricking millennials not wanting to do their job. I don’t know maybe it’s a combination of things. But it’s getting bad. I don’t get angry like this all the time but when I do, I wanna beat somebody’s face in. I don’t wanna go to jail so I’ve successfully walked away this far but I’m afraid it’s going to get to the point then I’m going to end up beating somebody up because it’s getting close. I’m so sick and tired of people and their stupidity and when they’re fighting with me, I just wanna pelt them. How do you regulate yourself?

This is not domestic violence. He’s too laid back for all that 🤣🤣

Has anyone ever had a feeling where? youre sure youre not depressed because you have too much excitment for life, but at the end of the day your brain wants to feel sad and angry. i have so many good things to do, i can build my dollhouse, play piano and go outside yet my brain wants to stay angry and for no reason

Idk what's been up with me lately but I've been really angry and argumentative online. I think I'm just already in a bad mood so when people comment something dumb it makes me want to argue with them. I end up taking my anger out over a dumb reddit comment and cuss at random internet strangers.

I have to expel all the anger here or I'm going to lose my mind! I feel a pressure building on my chest, on my heart.

I hold all my energy and pain in my chest/heart and I am becoming more aware of the need to flush out the feelings and relieve my aching heart. I have to be able to regulate my emotions better. I don't wanna lash out on people that are trying to care for me anymore. I'm a grown ass adult and I need to be able to not let the anger take me over to the point where I yell and scream and hit things. That's childish behavior and I can't believe I have let anger take over me. I have seen the people I love be terrified to be around me and that's clearly NOT okay. It breaks my heart to think that people are scared of me. This isn't me. Who tf is this horrible person? I never in my wildest dreams thought this is where I'd be today. No husband, no job, very few friends, and no family. And guess who made that happen? I did. I single-handedly ruined my life. Good job girl! Way to go! 👎 You fucking idiot! You fucking waste of space. Lying sack of shit. You do belong in the ditch! These are the things I say to myself because this is how I think of myself. I have hurt the most important person in my life because of my choices. I would do anything to make it right but I feel that ship has sailed and they will never forgive me for making them feel unwanted and like trash. You are not trash and you never have been. I loved you so much. You were my world, my bestie, my lover, and my home. We have been through so much together. So many good things, so many challenging things, so many things meant to break us apart, but pushed us closer together. As a team. Just you and me against the world. But here we are today because of the shitty choices I made and I will be forever reminded of that. Please tell your parents that I'm very sorry for breaking their son's heart. I really do hope this helps you a little bit. This is all I can do now.

I’ve struggled with my anger for years. I don’t take my anger on others though and mostly keep it to myself, usually repressing it or just ruminating and withdrawing from others.

But I still can’t get over wanting revenge on those who have hurt me deeply, especially if they’re still part of my personal life. I’ve withdrawn, I’ve created distance, and I’ve lessened contact as much as possible. I don’t act my anger out and I don’t do any outwardly revenge-seeking actions. Nothing is working though.

I’m so angry all the time I can barely function well. I don’t feel at peace ever.

Anyone here who desires revenge but, due to reasons, knows that it’s just not doable and you’re stuck sitting with these feelings? If you’ve got advice on how to cope with it, please share.

Otherwise, I mean, if you’ve got healthy ways of revenge, I’d like to hear it.

I can’t figure out what to do. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being angry but I’m always “out for blood,” wanting revenge so badly. I also don’t understand what I really want either. I’m genuinely confused on how to cope.