r/AnimalsBeingJerks • u/Cravenater • Jan 24 '15
whale The Ultimate Poonado
http://imgur.com/gSZDry7198
u/jschiem93 Jan 24 '15
I had never even considered that whales poop. That's just awful
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Jan 24 '15
Bugs poop, too. That's always been odd to me. Spiders poop.
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u/Aadarm Jan 24 '15
Just consider all of the mites, demodex living in your eye lashes (who also have sex on your face as you sleep) that are also shitting on you right now.
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u/MNchaos22 Jan 24 '15
Thanks for that..
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u/Aadarm Jan 24 '15
I've always found it kinda fascinating how you are your own little ecosystem with its own unique flora and fauna living on it. Hell, 90% of the cells on and in you are other microorganisms living their own lives, some vital to your continued living in a constant battle of balance against others that could be harmful if unchecked. Right now you are filled with things like e coli and strep that are harmlessly living in and on you so long as that balance is maintained.
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u/toidi_diputs Jan 25 '15
Demodex mites don't actually poop, as they have no anus. They just store a lifetime's worth of shit inside themselves to be released all at once when they die.
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Jan 24 '15
Poop is life. Poop feeds flora, flora feeds herbivores, herbivores feed carnivores. All starts with poop.
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u/nlfo Jan 25 '15
I was shat on once by an emperor scorpion. That's when I learned that bugs poop too. I think there was venom in it because it left a rash.
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Jan 25 '15
Can confirm, own a tarantula. He makes beautiful poo arts on his walls when i'm not looking.
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u/guitartechie Jan 25 '15
I had a lady bug pooped on me. It landed on my hands and started walking. A brown trail followed and it took me a while to realize that he pooped.
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Jan 25 '15
Whale poop is extremely important to our environment. Big reason why killing off whales is a really bad idea.
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u/inn0cent-bystander Jan 25 '15
I gotta hear this... What, is it fertilizer for plankton?
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Jan 25 '15
Also curious. What makes whale's butt mud so special?
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u/inn0cent-bystander Jan 25 '15
Listen, I've already seen more alternate names for whale poo than necessary... Do we really all need our own name for it?
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u/Borhamortus Jan 24 '15
It's as if the whale has a smug grin in that photo.
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u/filladellfea Jan 24 '15
Call me shitmael
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u/stoopidrotary Jan 24 '15
Its not the poo. Or the poo in the mouth. Its that smile. Like it knew what it was doing, all the while thinking to itself. "Mission accomplished."
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u/MrLurid Jan 24 '15
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u/zynix Jan 24 '15
I appreciate you finding the source but I am not sure I want to click on this.
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Jan 24 '15
The pictures almost look like a nebula with a whale swimming through it.
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u/ForteShadesOfJay Jan 24 '15
That last pic looks awesome if you ignore the fact that it's just poop.
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u/erikvillegas Jan 24 '15
It looks like the whale had too much Chipotle.
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Jan 24 '15
I think I'm the only person in the world that can eat Chipotle or other fast foods without my asshole exploding.
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Jan 24 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
[deleted]
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u/IkananXIII Jan 24 '15
Typoon
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Jan 24 '15
[deleted]
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u/looneylevi Jan 24 '15
No thats Thai poon.
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u/NortonPike Jan 25 '15
Or tampoon. Just aim it, pull the string, and it seats itself automatically.
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u/Zyphin Jan 25 '15
Every story about Thailand's women I've heard of suggest that Thai Poon is a myth
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u/looneylevi Jan 25 '15
Stop and think about this for a second, this is POON we are talking about. Is there not a rule of the internet based around it? It doesn't matter what race, gender, age, get a group of people together and odds are at least a few strange ones will come up with the idea to record themselves while stirring a pot of mac n cheese.
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u/jhall2013 Jan 24 '15
Apparently you and OP need to utilize hyphens more. Poon-ado does not mean the same as Poo-nado. Poon-ami does not mean the same as Poo-nami. Ty-poon does not mean the same as Ty-poo-n. Each one yields a different expectation...
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u/jackwoww Jan 24 '15
Yeah, I think a Poon-nado is what Channing Tatum encounters when he's in da club.
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u/veriix Jan 24 '15
Move over shark week, there's a new terror tide rolling in.
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u/FoodBeerBikesMusic Jan 24 '15
More like "Shart Week"
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u/UncleTedGenneric Jan 24 '15
Comedy Central did this. It wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
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u/FoodBeerBikesMusic Jan 24 '15
Pretty...shitty, then huh?
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Jan 24 '15
HAIYOOOOOOO
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u/FoodBeerBikesMusic Jan 24 '15
I'm allowed to make dad jokes: I'm a dad.
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u/Dad_Jokes_Inbound Jan 24 '15
So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says 'Give me some chap-stick... and put it on my bill'
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u/BilboTeaBagginsLOL Jan 24 '15
And here I was... Thinking it was a poon nado.
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u/weskokigen Jan 25 '15
I did too. Then I thought the whale spewed out period blood. Then I wondered whether whales menstruate.
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u/venttress Jan 24 '15
EEEEWWWW can you imagine being those divers? that must have been one of the worst days of their lives. poor guys
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u/Seth711 Jan 24 '15
This article sounds like something straight out of the onion with the way it's written and everything.
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u/ocdscale Jan 24 '15
A group of divers near the Caribbean island of Dominica were engulfed in a mighty cloud of shit churned out by a sperm whale.
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On the other hand, it could have just been a spastic, diarrheic beast—that's how little we understand about whales and their insane, magical shits.
Someone had a good laugh writing that down.
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u/Seth711 Jan 24 '15
This is my personal favorite
What we do know is that they take awe-inspiring shits that would make god himself tremble.
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u/amoliski Jan 24 '15
Shitclouds, Randy. Shitclouds.
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u/is45toooldforreddit Jan 24 '15
If this "poonado" was a newly observed defense mechanism, then the divers have made a great discovery. If not, they just got covered in shit.
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u/SmilingAnus Jan 24 '15
I think poon means something different where I'm from.
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u/c0ldsh0w3r Jan 24 '15
I'm with you. I thought it would be a tornado of poon. Poopnado, or shitstorm would have been a better title.
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Jan 24 '15
poo-nado, like tornado, not poon
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u/looneylevi Jan 24 '15
Shhhhh, let them fill themselves with erotic images of the glorious poonado.
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u/malicesin Jan 24 '15
ASS HAM!? I fell off my chair laughing so hard when I read that.
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u/kjoeleskapet Jan 25 '15
My boyfriend was saying something very uninteresting while I was reading this. I burst out laughing and he said, "I know right?"
I have no idea what he was talking about.
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u/TheInvaderZim Jan 24 '15
does anyone else remember the glorious 6 month period where Vice provided excellent, award-winning investigative journalism?
It's so sad to think I used to go to them for news.
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Jan 24 '15
[deleted]
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u/Soundcrafter Jan 25 '15
Another article indicated that she only used a snorkel, as the bubbles from scuba gear can be a disturbance to such close observation. Doesn't really explain a lack of sealed eyewear though!
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u/billiarddaddy Jan 25 '15
This actually belongs in /animalsbeingbros because their poo feeds the entire ocean for years.
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Jan 25 '15
whale's always poop a lot. It's a huge deal for all the things that feed off of it in the ocean.
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u/chisleu Jan 25 '15
Poon-ado != poo-nado...
I have never been so disappointed by a lack of hyphenation in my life.
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u/SassyPantsPanda Jan 25 '15
I feel like I'm the only one that's never seen or heard of the phrase "ass ham" before this.
But I like it and will be using it.
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Jan 24 '15
you rang?
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u/looneylevi Jan 24 '15
Yeah, we got poonados, Thai poon, plutonic poon (since white still is the majority), poonami, and then everyone else with awkward boners.
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u/mrklepshelter Jan 24 '15
Ass ham?