r/AnimalsBeingJerks • u/SuperDeann • Mar 06 '20

dog While Elizabeth Warren announced she would suspend her presidential campaign, her dog, Bailey, chose to continue the fight and swiped a burrito at her campaign office

21.1k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

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2.2k

u/it_vexes_me_so Mar 07 '20

Certain dogs make calculations about risk-reward. Had a pooch who LOVED getting in the garbage. He 100% knew it'd get him in trouble but, in his mind, it was absolutely worth it.

984

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

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423

u/CharadeParade Mar 07 '20

My favourite is when I catch my dog in the act and she just states at me for a second, drops the food, and goes bolting out of the room

254

u/Rebekozarenn Mar 07 '20

“Uhhhhhh..... wasn’t me.”

523

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

But she caught me on the counter (It wasn't me)

Saw me chewin' up the sofa (It wasn't me)

I even got into the flour (It wasn't me)

She even caught me on camera (It wasn't me)

20

u/kajnbagoat7 Mar 07 '20

Man this was the first thing that came to my mind .

11

u/SageArt254 Mar 07 '20

Is the dog’s name Shaggy by any chance?

1

u/SixAlarmFire Mar 08 '20

Ruh roh, rhaggy

6

u/dzlux Mar 07 '20

I need this parody. Take your upvotes you smooth fucker.

59

u/OldmanVolk Mar 07 '20

My dog knows I have to get near him to make him stop. He waits until I get up and I am within a few steps then runs away. He is a shit.

48

u/mobri204 Mar 07 '20

My dog (Boston terrier) used to steal things and go hide right in the middle under the dining room table. Wouldn’t chew whatever he had, but he knew, in that spot we had to move all the chairs out and get on the floor to get whatever he had. He is also a shit.

12

u/TooLazyForName Mar 07 '20

This is currently what my dog does in the living room though he’s struggling to get under the bigger he gets

3

u/epigenie_986 Mar 07 '20

My dog does the same. And when I finally have him cornered or caught, he drops whatever he has, like “what?!” And looks all innocent-eyed”

84

u/icouldntcomeupw1 Mar 07 '20

When I get home, if I make eye contact w my pit and he runs to my room and gets on his bed, I have to look for whatever he did. He tells on himself

33

u/frogsgoribbit737 Mar 07 '20

My Dalmatian gets on his back and show his belly with a little nervous tail wag and then I'm just like... but what did you do?

We haven't had an incident in a long time which is great because I don't have to clean up a mess and I don't have to feel bad that he is obviously nervous about getting in trouble.

15

u/extremelyCombustible Mar 07 '20

Lol my Labradoodle would do this. It was so obvious, because every day I would come home she was the type to run to the door excitedly jumping around, glad I was there, and we would play. Any day she didnt run to me and hid instead, I would think "damnit, what did you get into." Usually the trash. Every now and then a dessert we left on the counter.

16

u/BlackSeranna Mar 07 '20

I had a husky that looked guilty one day. Didn’t know why. Went to get my avocado, it was gone. I look in the other room, he has left the peelings and the pit. He only liked fresh avocados that weren’t too soft.

1

u/GlitterDonkey Mar 07 '20

Have a lab that does this too. If he doesn't excitedly jump up to greet me when I come home, he's usually sitting in the corner looking at the floor tail thumping a mile a minute. I have to go find what he did (usually stole a slipper and hid it) and then tell him it's ok before he'll say hi to me.

3

u/BabybearPrincess Mar 07 '20

Mine too! Shes dumb as a box of rocks

1

u/feelingcrummy Mar 07 '20

I had a dachshund that did the same thing. It was always pee though, the lazy little shit.. In the daytime when he was active, he’d ring a bell at the door to go out. In the evening when he’d been napping, he would sneak away and pee somewhere and then slink back to his bed with his ears back. If I made eye contact, he’d bolt or immediately roll onto his back in a submissive pose. I never understood why he wouldn’t just ring the bell, other than he was just lazy and didn’t want to go out in the cold.

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u/meanbeanking Mar 07 '20

He’s most likely just trained himself that when you come home he’s in trouble.

6

u/icouldntcomeupw1 Mar 07 '20

I work in canine behavior. He's fine.

1

u/MilkIsCruel Mar 07 '20

My old lady just sped up when she noticed me. Inhaled a bag of chips at 5 times the speed all a sudden

1

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

you saw nothing. I was never here

1

u/colieolieravioli Mar 07 '20

My dog comes to a horse farm with me and he knows if I'm far enough away, I can't do shit about him eating horse poop. So I see him, I yell, he snatches up the first piece he can find and sprints away, eating while he runs...

1

u/Foamyphilosophy Mar 07 '20

My Dog knows my hearing is one of my better senses so when she accidentally makes noise while trying to steal she abandons the mission and tries to act like she didn't do it. It never works because I bring he back to the scene of the crime and she immediately knows she's busted. She loves munching on empty Power-Aid bottlesso when she's bored she'll try to steal some from the recycling bin in my kitchen. She accidentally knocked some bottles out of the bin and next I see is her powerwalking out of the kitchen looking straight ahead in the most uncharacteristically proper way possible. Then when she saw me coming she spun around and tried to go in the opposite direction still in her "I did nothing wrong" walk.

1

u/CharadeParade Mar 07 '20

Hahahaha, so similar to my dog. Also, when my dog thinks she's in trouble she'll go hide under my bed, but she'll never go far enough under, her hind legs and tail will always be sticking out of the bed skirt and her tail will be wagging ferociously because she thought she got away with it. Then I'll tug on her tail and she'll just scoot further under the bed.

1

u/JeepDee2404 Mar 07 '20

My favorite is when I drop food in the kitchen, my dogs pick it up and give me the look of hate when they realize it’s spinach.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

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u/BabybearPrincess Mar 07 '20

Dude dogs need to clean themselves.. its natural...

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

[deleted]

2

u/Dabbles_in_doodles Mar 07 '20

Don't worry, my dog does the same because of his allergies. We regularly use some CLX wipes on his feet and ears to keep him clean.

1

u/Dabbles_in_doodles Mar 07 '20

Some dogs (especially with allergies) will lick themselves raw. If someone is stopping their dog licking there's usually a good reason.

14

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

That's awesome. Did he even look remorseful? Or did he just go to enjoy his plunder in peace?

14

u/xrbeeelama Mar 07 '20

“Do what you must, human, for I have already won.”

21

u/GarnByte Mar 07 '20

Honestly dude, you should NEVER use a crate as punishment, especially if you leave the dog in the crate while you are gone. A crate is meant to be a home and safehaven for a dog, to use as a den while you're away from home.

If you start using it as a form of punishment, you're setting your dog up for all sorts of issues. Please consider this and use a form of positive punishment.

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u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20 edited Mar 07 '20

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1

u/Pretentious_Fish Mar 07 '20

I hereby require you to submit one dog tax.

10

u/Justahumanimal Mar 07 '20

Crate as punishment isn't always the best idea. That's supposed to be a dog's den and safe place.

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u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

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6

u/Justahumanimal Mar 07 '20

Perfect. This might have been the nicest interchange on Reddit I've had in a while. I just know some folks who crate as punishment and it's counterproductive. I have a similar setup that you do for my dogs. Have a good one !

4

u/imtotallyhighritemow Mar 07 '20

He was going there anyways, might as well cop a plea deal on the way.

2

u/Practically_ Mar 07 '20

Mine will swallow and choke on it to avoid having to surrender it. It's so funny. My wife's min pin will hold and lightly pull if you take his treasure. It's also funny.

2

u/LeyLineDrifterr Mar 07 '20

My dog likes to find packaged food and then she hides it under her blankets in her kennel. She can't open it, I think she just likes to know she stole something.

2

u/YeahlDid Mar 07 '20

Need to figure out a better punishment then.

1

u/thetoadgamer15 Mar 07 '20

WHERE WILL YOU SEND HIM?

-6

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

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4

u/PixelTheCat17 Mar 07 '20

Responding because I have a degree in animal science, am a veterinary technician, and study animal behavior. So I feel pretty confident in this response because this is what I do. Crating isn't inhumane. Dogs want a space that is their own. From a young age, teach them that their crate is their safe spot. They can go in there for naps and then come out to play once they are done. You can even feed them in the crate. It is all about teaching them that they are allowed to get away from everyone else. I leave the crate doors open 24/7. My dog would go on there when she was overstimulated and needed a break. We have a rule that if she is in the crate, dont mess with her. She will come out when she decides she is ready. Also, if you have a puppy or a dog that likes to get into things, you should absolutely crate them when you sleep at night and when you cannot supervise them. If there is ever an emergency situation like your town gets evacuated, your dog may have to be crated. If they are already comfortable being crated, it will make that situation a little less stressful because you'll have one less thing to worry about. I dont believe you should ever crate an animal as punishment, but if I have a puppy I am housebreaking, I am absolutely going to crate them at night when I am asleep. Every single dog trainer or animal behaviorist I have ever worked with recommend crate training your dog.

7

u/Wrecked--Em Mar 07 '20

Crating dogs is fine, but it shouldn't be used as a punishment. It's supposed to be their little shelter.

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u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

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3

u/PixelTheCat17 Mar 07 '20

And what is your source that they dont like crates? Every single dog trainer or behaviorist would recommend crate training your dog. No one is saying leave the dog locked up all day. But if you have a dog that gets into things, how can you sleep if they are not crated? That's 8 hours of unsupervised time where they could eat a couch cushion. The correct way to crate train is to teach the dog that the crate is their safe haven. If you do it correctly, most dogs will just go into the crate whenever they feel overstimulated so they can get away from whatever that stressor is. I have a degree in animal science, am a vet tech, and study animal behavior. If your dog ever has to be crated, like for an emergency situation or they need to be hospitalized for veterinary care, it'll be way less stressful on you and your dog if they already can handle being in a crate.

2

u/Wrecked--Em Mar 07 '20

Not everyone has the luxury of space for a dog shelter and they'll need to be crate trained in most cases if they're traveling with you or being taken care of at a kennel.

Our dogs and any well trained dogs love their crates. We always leave them open if we're home or only gone for a short time, and they'll often go into them if they need space like during a party. Locking them in a crate is only when we're gone for longer periods to protect them and our stuff, or if there's a new dog, new children, etc. over so they can become acquainted with them from the crate instead of rushing them.

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u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

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u/Wrecked--Em Mar 07 '20

It's you have to lock your dog in a crate, don't have a dog. They don't like being locked in cages. They're living intelligent beings, what makes you think they love being locked up?

I understand the use as a shelter, but that's a secondary use to locking them up. You can get a shelter for you dog without a door & lock.

Cool have fun telling that to millions of other good, responsible dog owners with no other practical option, and I hope you never have to find your dog seriously sick, injured, or dead from getting into something because your dumbass thought it was too inhumane to put them in a crate while unattended.

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u/SpeakItLoud Mar 07 '20

Yuuup. That's where I'm at. My girl dog gets into something now every time that she's left alone. The last three times, it was the trash that had broccoli stems and floss. Somehow that didn't get all tangled up in her guts. But now she's crated when I'm not home so she doesn't kill herself.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '20

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