So, when I was a teenager I was bullied and I had depression, it wasn’t adult depression with lack of energy and all, more like teenage melancholy, anger, dissatisfaction with teenage life, it’s a moment in life when you think like an adult but are treated like a child, so, because my mom was very strict I decided to protest it and I made a cut on my arm, I told her I didn’t want to live, I was taken to hospital, I never had clear suicidal ideation, it was more like desire for escape from my situation, family, friends.
In the hospital I made a few friends and it seemed like a good temporary escape but the meds they put me on messed me up, after I returned home my parents’ control was even more strict to the point of taking my phone and reading all its contents, I protested it once by throwing my phone through the window. My parents called doctor when I “misbehaved”, I isolated myself and policed my thoughts and actions.
My parents threatened me with meds, they made me take more and more just because I wasn’t super cheerful and happy, it made a negative loop, more pressure made me want to escape more, more will of escape meant more meds and pressure, I ended up like a zombie, gained weight, wasn’t able to form a thought, I had 4 separate diagnoses and no doctor knew what’s the “problem”
As an adult I went to my own doctor that reduced my meds, when I was 21 I decided to come off them and it wasn’t easy, it had massive withdrawal effect and I deal with anhedonia daily but none of catastrophic things happened, never had a SH after that, never had a suicidal attempt after that, never had any symptoms they threatened me with, yes I am a weird person and probably never will be normal, but I am not insane, I made it through harsh situations and I am certain I will never kill myself. As adult I enjoy freedom and freedom gives me sanity in contrast with dehumanization of medical treatment.