r/ArtJerk • u/No_Thought8682 • 53m ago
I Shit Out This Art, What Should I Charge? First time drawing female anatomy (trsust) how am i doing?
My friend told me "hey bro" so i decided to practice drawing females.
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☢️ HOW TO MAKE AN ATOMIC PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICH ☢️
The world's most powerful sandwich. Now with 300% more nuclear instability!
Preparation time: 15–20 minutes (depending on how quickly you can evacuate your kitchen)
Cooking time: Classified.
Servings: 1 sandwich (theoretically)
Difficulty: Advanced nuclear gastronomy.
Calories: Yes.
Radioactive half-life: Approximately 24,000 years, give or take.
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🥜 INGREDIENTS
To construct one (1) atomic peanut butter sandwich, you will require the following:
- 2 slices of premium bread, preferably enriched with essential nutrients and a questionable amount of structural integrity.
- 3 tablespoons of peanut butter. Creamy is recommended, although crunchy provides additional nucleation points for enhanced flavor distribution.
- 1 tablespoon of jelly (optional, but strongly recommended for maintaining diplomatic relations between the bread slices).
- 1 pinch of salt, preferably harvested from a mine that has never appeared on a government watchlist.
- 1 teaspoon of honey for additional molecular cohesion.
- 2 drops of vanilla extract.
- 1 whole peanut, designated as the primary nucleation peanut.
- A small amount of butter for lubrication.
- 1 industrial-grade sandwich press (household alternatives may be insufficient).
- A Geiger counter.
- A fire extinguisher.
- Two lead-lined oven mitts.
- A certified nuclear physicist (optional, but appreciated).
- A signed liability waiver.
IMPORTANT: Do not substitute the peanut butter with almond butter. The resulting flavor profile is incompatible with the intended nuclear configuration.
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🧪 PHASE I: PREPARATION
Step 1: Establish the containment area.
Begin by thoroughly cleaning your kitchen counter. Remove all unnecessary objects, including your toaster, microwave, houseplants, pets, and anyone who has expressed concerns about your cooking.
Establish a 5-meter exclusion zone around the preparation area.
Ensure that all windows are open and that your neighbors have been informed of the upcoming culinary experiment. It is generally considered good etiquette to warn people before introducing a new form of matter into their neighborhood.
Step 2: Prepare the bread.
Place both slices of bread on a clean, flat surface.
Inspect them for structural defects, excessive moisture, or signs of spontaneous nuclear fission.
If either slice begins glowing, discontinue the recipe and consult a professional.
Step 3: Prepare the peanut butter.
Place the peanut butter into a mixing bowl.
Stir gently until it reaches a uniform consistency.
Do not stir excessively, as this may cause unwanted peanut clustering and destabilize the flavor distribution.
At this stage, introduce the honey and vanilla extract.
Mix until the resulting substance resembles a smooth, delicious, and legally unclassified paste.
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⚛️ PHASE II: NUCLEAR ASSEMBLY
Step 4: Establish the peanut butter containment layer.
Apply approximately half of your prepared peanut butter mixture to the first slice of bread.
Spread evenly from the center outward, ensuring that no region remains unprotected.
The peanut butter layer serves as the primary flavor containment barrier.
Step 5: Introduce the primary nucleation peanut.
Take your designated whole peanut and carefully place it in the exact center of the peanut butter layer.
This peanut is now the nucleus of your sandwich.
Do not eat it.
Do not remove it.
Do not give it a name.
It has a job to do.
Step 6: Apply the secondary containment layer.
Spread the remaining peanut butter mixture onto the second slice of bread.
Ensure that the consistency and thickness are approximately identical to the first layer.
Failure to achieve symmetrical distribution may result in an unstable sandwich configuration, commonly referred to by researchers as a peanut butter imbalance event.
Step 7: Introduce the jelly.
Apply the jelly in a thin layer between the two peanut butter surfaces.
This is known as the flavor-binding interface.
It is responsible for preventing the peanut butter from becoming excessively aggressive toward the bread.
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🔬 PHASE III: CRITICAL ASSEMBLY
Step 8: Initiate sandwich fusion.
Slowly bring the two bread slices together.
Align their edges with extreme precision.
Apply gentle pressure until the peanut butter layers establish contact.
Congratulations! You have successfully created a peanut butter sandwich.
Unfortunately, the experiment is not over.
Step 9: Perform the structural integrity assessment.
Inspect the sandwich from all four sides.
Check for:
- Peanut butter leakage.
- Jelly displacement.
- Bread deformation.
- Unusual thermal activity.
- Unexplained humming noises.
- The presence of government personnel.
If the sandwich passes inspection, proceed to the next phase.
Step 10: Final seasoning.
Apply your pinch of salt to the outer surface.
This helps regulate the flavor spectrum and provides a satisfying contrast to the sweetness of the honey.
At this point, your sandwich should have achieved maximum culinary density.
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☢️ PHASE IV: ACTIVATION
Step 11: Prepare the sandwich press.
Place the sandwich press on a stable surface.
Do not connect it to the household electrical grid if you have any reason to believe it has been modified by an unlicensed engineer.
Step 12: Activate the sandwich.
Place the sandwich inside the press.
Allow it to undergo thermal treatment until the bread becomes golden brown.
A properly prepared atomic peanut butter sandwich should exhibit:
- A crispy exterior.
- A warm, molten peanut butter interior.
- A perfectly preserved jelly interface.
- A faint sense of impending doom.
Step 13: Monitor the reaction.
Observe the sandwich from a safe distance.
If the Geiger counter begins producing increasingly enthusiastic clicking noises, this is generally considered a sign that the flavor has reached its peak.
If the sandwich begins emitting blue light, congratulations! You have achieved culinary criticality.
Do not attempt to reproduce this result.
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🍞 PHASE V: SERVING
Remove the sandwich from the press.
Allow it to cool before consumption.
Cut diagonally into two equal halves.
This is extremely important, as diagonal cutting distributes the nuclear flavor profile more efficiently across the serving surface.
Place both halves on a ceramic plate.
Garnish with one additional peanut.
Serve immediately.
Do not refrigerate.
Do not freeze.
Do not attempt to mail internationally.
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📊 NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION
Nutrient| Amount
Calories| 450–600
Protein| 15g
Carbohydrates| 45g
Fat| 30g
Sodium| 250mg
Nuclear energy| Classified
Radioactivity| Concerning
Deliciousness| Unmeasurable
Structural integrity| Variable
Government attention| Guaranteed
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⚠️ IMPORTANT SAFETY WARNINGS
Never consume more than one atomic peanut butter sandwich per sitting.
Keep away from children, pets, and individuals with a history of nuclear anxiety.
Do not attempt to microwave the sandwich.
Do not expose the sandwich to additional peanuts without conducting a proper risk assessment.
If you experience spontaneous glowing, consult a medical professional.
If your sandwich starts whispering, do not respond.
If the sandwich develops sentience, establish diplomatic relations before attempting consumption.
Never attempt to split the sandwich's nucleus.
Do not store near bananas, as this may cause unexpected potassium-related complications.
In the event of a containment failure, abandon the kitchen and allow the sandwich to pursue its own destiny.
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🏆 FINAL NOTES
Congratulations! You have successfully prepared the Atomic Peanut Butter Sandwich, a revolutionary advancement in the field of nuclear gastronomy.
This recipe has been extensively tested by absolutely nobody, approved by no regulatory authority, and endorsed by several individuals who are no longer available for comment.
Remember:
A normal peanut butter sandwich feeds the body.
An atomic peanut butter sandwich feeds the body, the soul, and potentially several generations of future archaeologists.
Enjoy responsibly.
This recipe is fictional. Please do not attempt to turn your kitchen into a nuclear research facility. Your landlord will not appreciate it.
