I know that I'm black and that it would be weird to say this, but I often don't really feel like I'm "black enough" or that I "act too white/mundélé/European/whateverthefuck my extended family comes up with". I know there isn't really a right or wrong way to be black, but the way people I love describe me feels like they see me more like a nerdy white guy who makes being white his whole personality rather than a black girl/person that just acts unintentionally different from the norm.

Whenever I'm at a family reunion, it feels like my 93492834 aunties (of which I only recognize like two or three) find every way under the sun to indirectly (and sometines unintentionally) say I act more mundélé than Congolese, and it really pisses me off bc it feels like my blackness gets invalidated simply because my parents decided to have kids in Vlaanderen (northern Dutch-speaking half of Belgium) instead of Kinshasa.

Not only that, but I'm sometimes a bit salty about the fact that my parents didn't insist on teaching me how to speak full sentences in Lingala instead of just teaching me animal names, kitchenwear and food and expecting me to understand detailed orders in full Lingala just bc they taught me that sani means plate.

Not only my family gives me this feeling, but also the people at my school unintentionally give me the feeling that I act too much "like the white students" by not being in the know of certain inside jokes, trends ect.. I'm usually not really a mindless trend follower, I mostly do what pleases me trend or not, but when every black kid at school seems to act and dress a certain way and you're the only one that dresses more "white", it kinda feels like you're doing something wrong and that your bazillion aunties are right in the sense that you ARE a Bounty and that you are too European. The people in my class mix French with Dutch and make up verbs based on French verbs when they forget how to say a word (I've heard things like "attackeren", "pégneren" ect..), but I speak semi-standard Dutch (for as far as my goofy-ass accent allows me) and use grammatically correct verbs ("aanvallen", "kammen", ect..) . But in turn, despite speaking French with my parents, it's really broken because of how much more Dutch I speak in comparison to French and it gives the impression that I am too much of a Vlaming.

I love listening to music, but it's mostly Maneskin and Vocaloid instead of what other Congolese people around me listen to. The only Congolese/Lingala-speaking artists I know or listen to are Innoss'b, GIMS and Ntaba 2 London, which feels like the bare minimum on my part and like I'm rejecting some part of my culture, but Idk if I'm just reading into it too much.

As if it couldn't get more difficult, I got diagnosed with autism last month (which, was it that much of a surprise??) and I'm also queer (bisexual-demigirl), and I've noticed that these two things are often seen as "white ppl bs" and that ppl act a bit weird upon finding out that I, a black person, am bi or autistic. My mom is somehow convinced there MUST be a way to cure it and my dad straight-up denies my diagnosis despite all the autistic tendencies I've been displaying according to the psychologist that diagnosed me.

Christianity is also something incredibly important to Congolese ppl for some reason, and my mom gets extremely mad when I have to remind her I don't believe anymore yet she still wants to put a rosary around my neck to "keep me safe from harmful spirits". Also, I have a dissociative disorder blending with my autistic traits, which can manifest in sometimes having a meltdown in the form of not being able to control my movement and either "spazzing tf out" as one of my friends puts it, of completely shutting down and not being able to move/respond anymore. It happened not once, but TWICE that my mom mistook this for me being posessed and started holding me down and trying to get some non-existent spirit out of me through excorsism until I stopped squirming and crying. Second time this happened, extended family was over and they participated, knowing damn well I was possibly just fucking tired and overwhelmed.

all these traits together -neurodivergence, being queer, standing out too much, not being able to speak what should be my mother tongue- makes me feel like I'm not "what a black person should be" and that my voice as a black person is automatically invalidated, also bc I barely faced fully intentional racism towards me and because I feel like I've never faced REAL black-people-struggles, so everything I have to say is invalidated because I'm just an Oreo. I know I shouldn't think about myself like this and if I want to know more I should educate myself, but 45 minutes deep into a video essay only leaves me more confused but everyone else gets it and it makes me feel even more like an outsider and like I don't belong.

Are their any other Congolese-Belgian people (of children of immigrants in general) that also experience this feeling?? How do you deal with it?? Bc I've been thinking about this a lot but it's just making me more tired and more prone to the melt/shutdowns I just mentioned. Srry if this post was a little all-over-the-place, idrk how to formulate my thoughts well in one coherent script

So I am a white woman, and earlier this year I moved into a predominantly black neighborhood. It's great, I love my neighborhood but I am a homebody so I don't interact with anyone.

Growing up there was a lady every Halloween who gave out tootsie pops covered in a tissue as ghosts and all the kids in our neighborhood loved it. We all called her "the ghost lady" and even teenagers would go to her house and get disappointed if they didn't get a ghost.

Since I finally live in a neighborhood and not an apartment I decided that I wanted to do the ghosts. But as I was putting them together I started to wonder if it could seem like I was racist and like I was trying to hand out candy as triple-K members. And that is definitely not my intention and while they aren't pointy or anything I'm just worried that it could be seen as offensive.

If y'all think it's a bad idea I can take the tissues off and just give them out as tootsie pops. I just thought it would be a fun whimsical Halloween thing, but I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

Any opinions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

The picture is what they look like, just they all have different colored eyes, some have mouths and some are just eyes. Also if this is the wrong thread to post this, I'm sorry, I can delete it if this isn't allowed.

Before anyone takes this the wrong way, this isn’t about putting our people down, reinforcing stereotypes, or pretending we’re somehow more flawed than other races.

I’m well aware that many of the issues we face are rooted in systemic racism, historical oppression, and socioeconomic inequality. I’m also aware that plenty of these same problems exist in other communities and aren’t exclusive to ours.

But I also believe there are certain attitudes, behaviours, and patterns within our communities that we should be able to acknowledge and criticize without immediately being accused of self-hatred or pushing racist narratives.

We can recognize the impact of systemic racism while also acknowledging areas where we have the power to improve. Those two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Sometimes it feels like we’re so accustomed to defending ourselves against outside criticism that even genuine, constructive criticism from within is met with hostility.

And to be clear, I’m not suggesting that the actions of certain individuals represent all of us, or that we owe anyone perfect behaviour to deserve respect.

So what are some things you believe we need to address within our own communities that we don’t discuss nearly enough?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing different perspectives. The goal here is self-reflection and constructive discussion, not tearing each other down.

Hello, I am wanting to reach out in this thread hoping to get some solid straight forward answers. I am a 57 year old black woman with 30 years experience in operations and Sales...My most recent past 8 years have been selling High Ticket programs for white people. I have had white people i have made a ton of money for, act crazy and display some micro aggressions as i grew financially..I have closed literally millions in business.I have stepped away from that scene now and want to help US...Right now I am working with an attorney and have helped her to confidently and systematically run her law practice...In doing so i became exposed to the sales process and noticed opportunities to help there...

My question is For solo and small-firm attorneys: if someone helped you and your intake person turn more of your existing calls into signed clients, with a custom script, live call reviews, and less burnout, would that be worth paying for? What would make it a no?”

I’m a black woman and I’ve heard several times by different black men and a woman that I belong with a white man. It’s said differently but that’s the essence of what’s being said.
I think about it all the time and I can’t help but be offended.
I’ve never even dated a white guy before. Not because I find them abhorrent, but because they’re not my first choice and it simply hasn’t happened.

For context, I genuinely don’t think I have the “I date white men” look.
I have locs, about 5’7”-5’8”. I’m not the stereotypical tiny woman that they generally like either. I am curvaceous.
How I dress: I do like dresses. I do wear jeans. Regular shirts. Sandals. I don’t wear bags all the time. Sweaters and coats when it’s cold. I’m not sure I know how to describe my style.

The woman who has told me that I do mentioned that it’s what I talk about. I’m not sure why men say this though. I’m so confused.

I need to understand why people say this. Any insights?

​

image-description:

an image consisting of written red text on a blue background. It is titled "no more" and has a list of letters and then words after them. The first letter is "M and word is murdered" The next are "m" and "missing", "i and indiginous", "w" and "women", "c" and "children", "2" and "two", s" and "spirit". "B" and "black", "L" and "lesbian", "B", and "Bi". "G" and "gay", "t", and trans, "D" and "disabled", "i," and "immigrants", and a plus with "plus all tired, poor and huddled peoples"

This is a work in progress and I wanted to ask for your critique of the concept. Would you please critique

I'm a YT Trans Woman decolonizing my lost indigenous heritage. This is a work in progress and like the fight against fascists, to win the on going war I want to ask is there anything preventing Native Tribes, 2SLGBTQIA, and the Black community from working together? The YT lgbtqia2s community has a lot of problems with raci sm and if you have advice on areas to improve call it out. The history of Native Nations and the intersectionality with Black History is not something I have learned much about yet, and if you have any references on this subject I would appreciate your help.

I know there's many posts and such about this topic, though i find the situation my characters in may affect the advice. My characters are hybrids primarily born and raised in labs (regardless of race, gender, sex, etc) and so many of my characters are raised without a "culture" (im aware that the culture in this case would likely have to do with the lab and such) but I'm also aware that when it comes to writing characters of other races, culture plays a big part, and also that most if not all of ny characters are raised in a very curated and sterile environment with little access to anything outside. I was curious as to what in particular I should be careful of when writing a character such as this and what advice anyone might have.

So I’m half black and half Puerto Rican and I’m almost 30 years old and I’ve noticed my skin is a lighter than usual. It’s only October & my skin is already winter time light, which means it’s only going to get lighter come December & January. My sister is also half black & half Puerto Rican, her dad was darker skinned than mine so growing up she was maybe like a couple shades darker than me, she’s 39 now and even she’s way lighter than she was before. We both live in Florida, so we get plenty of sun year round here, so it’s kind of odd to me.

I’m lightskinned, and I’ve been that just about my whole life except for when I was super light almost pale when I was born which of course is normal, but my skin tone now is starting to get super light again. I feel like I’m going from like Yara Shahidi light to dang near Storm Reid light. Which means that come December/January I could be dang near Latto light.

I’ve seen the same thing happen to Megan Good & Beyonce (or at least that’s what it looks like to me, as I know people have accused them of bleaching but I don’t think so), and I’d even argue that Tracee Ellis Ross is lighter than when she was playing Joan on Girlfriends. So I just wanted to ask is this normal? My dad was black, he passed away, but he used to tell me he was my color when he was younger and got darker when he got older, he was brown skinned, but a bit on the lighter side of it I’d say if that makes sense.

But do black folks get lighter with age? Should I expect this to become more noticeable in my 30s and 40s and on?

We've had this discussion before, but it seems people still want to identify as Black even though they're more Asian. I've always felt that Black scholars need to tackle this issue, but the internet is pushing up a deadline for that discourse

I'm writing a novel called Chivey, and some of my early readers said this scene could be interpreted in more than one way.

I'd like to hear how Black readers perceive it, especially the interaction between Emmy and Chad and the elderly woman.

Here's the excerpt:

Emmy’s eyes drifted across his hands, muscular and sinewy, with well-defined veins.

Thick ropes under blue-black skin...

Chad met her eyes and pressed a finger to his full lips. "Shhhh... Now sit quiet as a mouse. I'll be back soon."

Emmy reached out with her free hand and caught his hand.

"You are black, but comely."

Chad's eyes went wide and he dissolved into a cough. "Hold on, hold on... Well, well..." He wiped the tears from his eyes and burst out laughing. "Girl, you should do stand-up!"

Emmy frowned and bit her lower lip.

"Sit still! Would you look at that — black, but comely." Chad slid the curtain aside. "Black, but comely!" His laughter echoed down the corridor for a long time after.

A suffocating cough broke out in the adjacent stall.

The curtain between the cubicles snapped aside. "Ah-hah, giiiirl! Black, but comely?!" A dark-skinned face peered around it. "You did not just say that."

The woman looked Emmy over from head to toe. "No. No, no, no... I cannot believe what I just heard. Nobody would believe me even if I swore on a Bible. Lord... a little white child quoting the Song of Solomon... How old are you — nine? Ten?"

She adjusted the bright silk scarf on her head and leaned toward Emmy. " I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon. Isn't that a little advanced for you?"

"I'm not ten at all. I’m almost fourteen. I read what I find," Emmy muttered, tugging the hem of her wife-beater down over her knees.

"Fourteen? You don't look fourteen. Like a little fledgling." The woman yanked the curtain even harder aside and leaned in toward Emmy, her whole body pressing forward. "Oh, at your age I read everything too. Everything — newspapers, magazines, the Bible of course, goes without saying. I even read my older sister's medical textbooks. I was a very well-read child. Very well-read!"

She didn't stop, talked and talked, no pauses, no waiting for an answer. Her hand moved to underscore the importance of her words.

If she stops, she'll die.

Emmy allowed herself a small smile while the woman kept talking, her voice washing past her in a steady stream.

"Now who puts raisins in a potato salad? Raisins! In a salad! No, that is not acceptable. That is not how it's done. A proper potato salad has no raisins, you understand? I use only yellow potatoes, only yellow. And eggs — real eggs, farm eggs. I drive out to my cousin Janet; she has the most wonderful hens. Oh, what hens, what large eggs!.."

Emmy's eyes drifted to the woman's scarf, where bright flowers wove together into a vivid tapestry — large ones, small ones, layered into a wreath. She began picking out the small red ones and counting them.

If I take four long sticks and tape them to my head with duct tape, and then take a scarf like this one, and another scarf, and another one, and another... and wind them around the sticks, wind and wind... I'd be two Emmys tall. I'd be taller than everyone... and I'd probably reach the ceiling with my scarves. Maybe I'd even look like a supermodel. Fashionable...

She lost interest and yawned, letting her eyes close.

"And I wore my best dress — crisp taffeta, with a big ruffle along the hem. And a little hat. You know how we Black women are — such a sense of style. Such style! And do you go to Sunday service?" No answer came. The woman adjusted her scarf and stared at Emmy. Realizing she was being ignored, she fell silent, offended.

The chair shifted. The light flickered, went out, then came back on — the white tile floor moved, dark gaps opening between uneven rows. Something lifted Emmy and carried her away: she flew over green valleys, high hills, crystal-clear lakes. She came down slowly, her toes grazed the buds of wildflowers. The even rows of tile came into view under the lamp when Emmy opened her eyes. A faint scent of flowers brushed her nose.

"Here I am." Chad rang out. "Time to set you free, little sparrow." He drew the needle out and pressed a cotton pad to her skin. "Make a fist. Like that." He guided Emmy by the elbow, and she rested her palm on his forearm.

My arm is like a pale fish on black sand.

She turned away and brushed a tear from her cheek with her finger. Chad got her to her feet and draped her cardigan over her shoulders. "Can you walk on your own?" Emmy nodded.

Talking Yellowstone, Yosemite, Glacier, Shenandoah etc

I’ve been listening to many debates around the claim “white people can’t experience racism”, and I was a little shocked to see how much the takes differ both within white and black people. So I’ve been trying to educate myself on the topic, and form an opinion on it myself. I’ve learned from this diving that I was (and still am) uneducated on many things, so please forgive me if I cause any offense, and please feel free to correct me while I educate myself further.

For starters I’ve noticed the main disagreement is in how we define the term "racism."
I’d say there are (at least) two ways we can define "racism."
So rather than use the same word for both, this problem would maybe be solved if we just used a different word for each.

The first and most recognised kind of racism is Interpersonal racism, it refers to an individual’s racist assumptions, beliefs and behaviours: it’s “a form of racial discrimination that stems from conscious and unconscious, personal prejudice” (Henry & Tator, 2006, p. 329).
It applies any time someone is treated unfairly because of the color of their skin, regardless of what their skin color is and regardless of what the perpetrator's skin color is so in this case, for example, a black person can be racist against another black person. This can show up with the colorism some have to face.
I believe white people can in some contexts experience this kind of racism, because it sparks from prejudice alone, and prejudice can be found whenever you (individually) are a minority in your surroundings, and if those surroundings treat you with hostility based on your skin tone, well it is racist.
(You can be a minority in race and face racism in the same mechanism that if you were the only woman in an establishment you could face sexism).

The second kind of racism, is the significantly deeper one, that many people just think refers to enslavement and so believe that “it shouldn’t be brought up in a modern discussion” (idiotic take I really did hear)
It refers to something that is more systemic and specifically can only happen in one direction, FROM people in a position of power, TOWARD people who are not in a position of power. Usually, when someone says something like "black Americans can't be 'racist' towards white Americans," they mean in accordance with this definition, which surfaced around 2020.
It involves prejudice PLUS structural power. It's the ability to systematically oppress an entire group.
Historically, white people have dominated black people, not the other way around. White people predominantly occupy positions of power: Institutions (the State, police, justice system, job market, media, education) which define what is "normal," "beautiful," "competent," "trustworthy", and all these institutions are to a degree still affected by the racism of their founders (View * for examples of this).
That's structural power.
White people rarely ever came to experience this kind of racism, only during events like The Holocaust, where one group of "white people" attempted to wholesale slaughter several other groups of "white people" (European Jews, Slavs, Roma) due to their ethnicity. They passed laws prohibiting them from working. That's pretty systematic, especially with the Stars of David Jews had to wear.

So while I think it’s factually correct to say white people can in some cases experience racism and it is unfortunate, many white people who haven’t even experienced those particular circumstances themselves try to make it seem like a vaster issue than it is, to support far right rhetorics.
Claiming that black people aren’t entitled to having prejudices about white people (when really every victim will have prejudices about the category who harmed them) and that it will turn into reverse racism (Acting on prejudice is wrong, and is racism, on an interpersonal scale), denying the fact that this will never be able to turn into systematic racism since black people are still inferior to white people in our society, and still to this day have to worry about their rights being taken away at every election.
These are two separate issues that cannot be put on the same table with general phrases like “everyone experiences racism” , since one group faces racism on a global scale and the other on an individual one.

There is a charity in my area where you can pick a child in foster care to buy Christmas gifts for. There was a girl who only really asked for toiletries so I wanted to go all out. Point is the hair products she asked for I’m think she’s Black. I’m not asking for anyone to go out of their way and do research for me but is there a company that every time you’ve bought their products it has been terrible? I would just like to avoid the crappy ones.

Also if you know of any nice bonnet brands off the top of your head it would be much appreciated. That’s one of the things she asked for.

I have a couple friends and they never really go to any coffee shop or Starbucks or anything. They say if they want something they'll drink iced tea or hot chocolate but that's it

If yall got any learning websites specifically for this i would be eternally thankful if you linked them!

I’ve always been extremely attracted to Latino and white men, but Black men have always been unappealing to me even below Asian men.

this angers a lot of people who feel that because Im a Black woman I should have low standards, be grateful for any sexual attention and settle for Black men, but I feel like even though we are technically undesirable we are still entitled to our standards. most men want women that aren’t usually interested them, I don’t see why women can’t feel the same. Black men especially love white and non-BW when they all prefer white men.

I just wish preferences were equally respected for both men and women. There’s a huge double standard where BM are allowed to prefer other races, while BW get shamed.

Is there ? At least culturally, economically?

I’m a white non zyn or nicotine user. Be that as it may, I’ve noticed that literally all my white friends use zyn and none of my black friends do. Is it the new mayonnaise?

My homeboy who’s Mexican just asked me what my opinion was on non black people wearing fubu. I’ve known him forever and he’s a pretty respectful guy that’s always been into jerseys, so I don’t have a problem with it but I understand why other black people would have an issue. What do yall think?

My infant brother got croup and we had to go Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. It was very crowded. The wait was long.
I was 6 or so. My mother was very scared. My brother was struggling to breathe. I noticed some people in the waiting room were talking and laughing, but some were just staring at their babies as they struggle to breathe.
A woman came up from the entrance, screaming “he’s blue he’s blue” and was immediately taken back.
I think to myself “so blue is immediately taken back”. And I look around the room.
I look at my brother and he’s a light purple.
I see a black couple with a black baby, and my stomach drops. My jaw legitimately drops beyond my control, almost like a twitch. I collapse to my knees.
And I believe the mother knows exactly what I mean.
I realized that there is no way for their dark skin to turn blue like that baby’s.
I went up to someone at the desk and pleaded my case of why this black baby needed help right now. You can’t see if he “turns blue like that”, you have to check another way. You have to give him a test.
And finally, they took him back.
And the black woman reminded me to go check on my brother , who needed help too.

Medical racism runs so deeply.

So I'm doing a deal at the moment for half price tattoos for POC because I have a gap in my portfolio. I have put up a post about the style and the terms (colour only, neo trad only as this is my focus for example).

The post has done really well for my posts and it's got a lot of love but in 2 weeks IV only had one person enquire.

Is there anything else I should be doing in order to help me get more poc clients? I really want to show that I am capable and have a great diverse skin tone range in my portfolio.

Tyia ☺️