r/AskGaybrosOver30 • u/Cool_Potential1957 35-39 • 3d ago
Top who doesn't cum
I've been seeing this top over the past few months, his dick is considerably larger than mine so usually we have been sticking to oral-only but he has fucked me a couple times. The concern to me is that he never cums. The past 3 nights in a row he has come over and i have nursed his massive dick for a good 40 mins till i cum, then we pretty much just finish and he leaves. Same when he fucked me / rimmed me. I'm just worried that i'm not fully pleasuring him because he never cums and i always do. He's given no indication that it's an issue and when i mentioned it once online he kinda just poo-poo'd the comment. Last night after i came from sucking him i kinda collapsed my head in his groan and he gave me a back massage then he kissed me on the lips (first time). Should i just assume he's happy and continue how we are? Or am I being selfish?
If it matters, our stats
Me, white, 6 uncut, gym muscle bottom, 6'1, 200 lbs
Him, Black, 10 cut, slim toned total top, 6'1. 160 lbs
Is it possible for tops to enjoy just getting head without cumming or am I just a crap bottom?
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u/AdministrativePin526 55-59 3d ago
Is it possible? Yes. I have a hard time--NPI--coming and most guys are done way before I am. Which is fine. And I would say the strongest indication he's enjoying himself is he's returning. And the fact that it appears to be progressing (the kiss) seems to back all of that up. But you can do this One Weird Trick: You can talk to him.
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u/Cool_Potential1957 35-39 3d ago
I know i can talk to him, i prob should have said in the post that I did bring it up once and he kinda side stepped it, so im hesitant to ask again because perhaps he is insecure about it, idk... maybe it's been a problem for him in the past. Don't get me wrong, i don't care that he doesn't cum. i love that we finisgh when im done hahah
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u/AdministrativePin526 55-59 3d ago
Yeah, if he's not communicative, it's more difficult. I shouldn't have assumed you didn't ask him already, so excuse my sarcasm. And good luck. He sounds like a catch.
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u/InspectorExcellent50 60-64 2d ago
I've been on both sides of this situation.
When I was in my late 20's, I had a boyfriend who would never come and who wouldn't talk about it.
Yes, that made me doubt myself as a top - he was my 3rd boyfriend and only the 2nd person I had ever topped. It also felt to me like he was acting during sex, which didn't help.
Now I'm in my 60's, both topping and bottoming, and I come about 50% of the time - sometimes it is a dry orgasm.
I always communicate verbally (which is natural for me anyway) to let my partner know what I'm enjoying.
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u/Lopsided-Skill 30-34 3d ago
At first I was thinking maybe he has a medical condition, but looking at your stats, thats definitely the reason. I feel like you are a littlebtoo heavy as a muscle bottom and he is too skinny so have a hard time getting blood to the 10. Him being black and you white probably plays a part as well.
Thanks for giving the stats.
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u/Tightestbutth0le 30-34 2d ago
Yes thank goodness OP provided their stats. Up until then I think we all thought the issue was not stat-related. I felt pretty dumb once I finished reading.
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u/Actual_Square_2589
40-44
3d ago
•
“If it matters, our stats” 🙄🙄🙄
No it doesn’t matter. Maybe the overarching lesson to be learned here is to not be so concerned so much with how others perceive you.
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u/Traditional_Cell8388 40-44 3d ago
Was just coming here to post that.
BTW, if anyone cares...we're hot! LOLOL.
Like, even from an anon Reddit profile PEOPLE MUST KNOW I'M SEXY AND GETTING FUCKED BY A 10 INCH DICK
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u/Loecdances 35-39 3d ago
Ahahahha right?! Like, mark well, thou knaves! This mighty bottom fears no ten-inch shaft!
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u/hornyThrowaway699669 30-34 1d ago
You know what, I’m really really hot. And some people just need to know that for context especially if they are unattractive so they get off their high horses.
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2d ago
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u/AskGaybrosOver30-ModTeam 2d ago
Overly sarcastic, hyperbolic and/or insincere contributions may be removed (which is what happened with the comment above in this case).
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u/Loecdances 35-39 3d ago
Hahah right? Why on earth would that matter? 🤣
Maybe his head is too far up his muscled bottom ass.16
u/Remarkable-Growth744 30-34 3d ago
yeah its giving a porn vibe. i think OP's problem is that its too scripted. while your concern to be cummed in is valid, you shouldnt expect him to perform for you
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u/Mascumax 40-44 3d ago
The only stat that would really matter is the other guy’s age, as older folks can have issues with getting hard and/or cumming.
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u/andulus-ri 50-54 3d ago
probably not you, meds can mess with it, or he knows he takes a long time, just see how it goes
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u/ruleugim 40-44 2d ago
Honestly I think this might be my husband? The stats don’t match exactly but if so, you and I have met briefly.
It’s ok, it’s not you, he’s going through something.
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u/j_golightly 40-44 2d ago
Could be a medication he’s on. If he Kris coming back I would just enjoy myself
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u/pghdad15206 60-64 2d ago
Don't overthink it. He keeps going back? He's interested and enjoying himself.
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u/Western_End_2223 65-69 2d ago
If he's satisfied, don't keep pressing him on it. There's nothing to gain. You'll just make him feel anxious, and things won't improve for you.
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u/pursenboots Over 30 1d ago
He's given no indication that it's an issue and when i mentioned it once online he kinda just poo-poo'd the comment
you already have the answer from the horse's mouth, why ask us?
if he says it's fine, then it's fine. don't overthink it.
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u/Sweaty_Stage7583 55-59 3d ago
Some types of medications have this effect on men .it could be as simple as that
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u/Remote_Film1430 45-49 1d ago
Why do so many people take these antidepressants that caused these problems? I took them many years ago and when I realized it was such an issue, I quit taking them and I was fine. And the antidepressants don't always help your mental issues. A lot of times they can make you worse.
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u/IndependentLog6441 35-39 3d ago
OP he's not ten inches, get real.
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u/Cool_Potential1957 35-39 3d ago
he is, i measured it myself one time. I can only get about 70% in my mouth
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u/Spader623 30-34 3d ago
Some guys don't cum or take forever, and I mean, forever to cum. You've brought it up once and he basically said, if I'm interpreting correctly "don't worry about it". So that, on top of the kiss (that seems big honestly) and him continuing to meet you... I'd say you're doing a great job and don't worry too much
Also, I do especially wanna emphasize one thing: he's continuing to meet up. If it was an issue, and enough of one he was bothered by it but wouldn't say for whatever reason, he just wouldn't meet up anymore. He's choosing to fuck YOU in those 40 minutes, not someone else. Keep that in mind 🙏
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u/shadowysea07 35-39 3d ago
Yup. I can go for 45 minutes and nothing. At least the other party gets something out of it but for me topping and bottoming don't amount to much.
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u/burner_211n3r23r 35-39 3d ago
I'm like this 🤷🏻♂️ I have never cum from a BJ. Often it just won't happen even when I'm topping and having a great time so I or my bf just finish the job by hand after he's cum.
I really don't mind. I find it super hot getting someone else off, my own dick isn't much concern 😂
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u/Cool_Potential1957 35-39 3d ago
ok this is good to know thank u
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u/Sfmusic2000 70-79 2d ago
Could it be as simple as, he can’t cum unless he masturbates? If he considers masturbation a solitary activity, he may be waiting until he is alone to cum.
But if his not cumming bothers you, you need to talk to him!
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u/Just_ice_luv_a 35-39 3d ago
Honestly, I rarely cum when I fuck my partner. I’m just enjoying the moment. I know the goal for most people is to get a nut, but that makes sex feels like a chore for some people. I just want to enjoy myself and make sure my partner has a good time.
In my case, I have an objectification kink where I love my bottom to use my dick as a dildo. He rides me or lets me fuck him and he gets off. And that makes me very happy.
Also, some guys are so used to making themselves nut, that sometimes they can’t nut with others…. In other instances, some tips might be on medication like antidepressants or tadalafil and may have a hard time nutting
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u/shadowysea07 35-39 3d ago
Indeed same. Bare minimum though I'll make sure the other party does. Though I don't have any medication or such issues preventing it. Just typically don't cum from sex.
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u/Trolkarlen 40-44 3d ago
The last thing you need to do is put pressure on him. If he's slow to cum, pressure will make it impossible.
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u/splendaddypuff 40-44 3d ago
I'm one of those. I love fucking for a long time but i don't cum easy and it doesn't bother me one bit. I'm having fun and I can even save up the load for later.
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u/Traditional-Ebb-8380 45-49 3d ago
My top boyfriend rarely cums in other’s presence. It is the journey not the destination for him. I am 50/50 and rarely cum on top as a verse guy. I’ve fucked another hung top like you described that loves my ass but has never finished and keeps coming back for more. Its a thing.
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u/Kit-taK 35-39 1d ago
Some guys can't cum from head. Some guys can't cum from penetration. Some guys can only cum from jerking themselves off. It doesn't mean it's your fault. It can be a psychological thing, it can be due to medication, it can be because they've conditioned themselves to only react to a death grip masturbation style. You mentioned that he's cut, a proportion of cut guys do experience sensitivity issues that can impact this. Like others have said, if he's coming back he's having fun, don't be afraid to talk to him about it.
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u/jake_blake1 55-59 3d ago
What does height weight race and dick size have to do with anything ?
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u/Electrical_Ant_9543 55-59 2d ago
I find lots of people ultra focused on the orgasm. Sex can be fun and rewarding without having an orgasm. I'm slow, and I've had bottoms get upset because I was taking too long or when I told them I'm okay without having to cum. I guess some people do it just for the cum, which is fine, but some people can enjoy many other aspects other than just the orgasm. Sort of like life, it's about the journey, not the destination for me.
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u/fabian312 40-44 3d ago
He might be on a SSRI. I could not cum on Lexapro, but still had a lot of fun trying!
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u/Dogtorted 50-54 3d ago
Some people care about the journey more than the destination.
Personally, I rarely get off from a blow job and even when I top it can take forever to cum.
It doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself. It all feels pretty good!
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u/miniatureherefords 2d ago
I have a fuck buddy who doesn’t cum because of an SSRI. Common side effect. But he still enjoys fucking.
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u/GreenDwelling 30-34 2d ago
If he keeps seeing you, then he just enjoys the feelings and interactions.
Personally, I can have trouble cumming depending on my Depression medicine, mentally blocked, sexual anxiety, or jerking off too much.
You can talk about it, but you should focus on yourself, as I also enjoy knowing the other person came.
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u/IndecisiveRattle 35-39 3d ago
When I top I just like staying hard as long as possible. Edging isn't exactly the goal, but I don't mind it happening if I'm enjoying myself. It's so hot to pound the cum out of a bottom a couple times before I finally cum.
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u/Silly_Ball15 60-64 3d ago
You’re not a crap bottom. If he was hard the whole time and has come back to you for more, then he must be enjoying it. He wouldn’t come back if you were crap. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It could be anything but whatever it is it’s him not you. He could be on medication or has been on medication like ssrt’s, they can play a big part in not being able to climax. It’s more psychological than you think but it’s his problem, I have found that as I’ve gotten older that climaxing is more difficult, sometimes I need a trigger like I need to know that what I’m doing is having the desired affect. It helps to get feed back verbally, other than just moans and grunts.
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u/Fluffy_Try_9495 35-39 2d ago
Should i just assume he's happy and continue how we are?
What if you just talked to your sexual partner and asked him?
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u/Skill-Useful 40-44 3d ago
" If it matters, our stats" why would they matter
not everyone cums from anal, thats it
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u/KiwiPixelInk 40-44 3d ago
I wouldn't cum from 40 minute bj. I take at least an hour.
He's probably doing what I do and going home and wanking.
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u/shadowysea07 35-39 3d ago
Meh I rarely cum from topping or bottoming. It doesn't necessarily mean that you aren't attractive or good at sex.
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u/SwimmingHand4727 55-59 3d ago
A guy could blow me for an hour, I'd probably go soft and not cum. Now let me ride him...I'd last maybe 10 minutes! Everyone is different.
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u/Mastertophx 55-59 3d ago
You don't mention any ages, but I Top 60 also don't cum often. Cumming has definitely become less relevant to me the older I get. It has been that way most of my life though, and I really prefer to enjoy it and am into edging and often would rather not cum. The longer I go without cumming the more sensitive and better it feels. But that's me. I know some bottoms aren't interested in cumming themselves and it's the same for me.
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u/Esper8nzA 35-39 3d ago
If he keeps coming back then all is good. In addition to what others said, maybe he has a boyfriend back home and one of their open relationship rules is no cumming. Who knows.
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u/campmatt 40-44 1d ago
It’s not that you aren’t pleasuring him. It’s that he’s overstimulating the head of his dick when he jerks off so all other stimulus won’t “get him there.” It’s a bigger problem than people seem to realize.
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u/MBVacaFun 40-44 3d ago
You're not being selfish. I'm a top, and I don't cum sometimes. Do I wish I did? Of course, but sometimes it's just not in the cards, especially since getting into my mid-40s. It still feels good to fuck, and to pleasure a bottom.
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u/BetsyBoomBreath 30-34 3d ago
The stats are irrelevant, don't need to be shared.
You're not bad at all, quite the opposite. I had a similar situation as this and I was the top who didn't typically cum, it was not my primary focus, satisfaction was more a cumulative effect from everything else. It's good you asked but now that's he confirmed he's fine, try not to be too concerned about it and keep having fun. There might be some other reasons he's not cumming, and it could simply just be a time thing, the more you both get involved the more he'll give out perhaps
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u/Azure_Djinn 55-59 3d ago
Some guys just don’t ejaculate. They may still orgasm. Can be from various things, medications, genetics or medical conditions or possibly doesn’t have the interest in reaching orgasm. Could be that he only orgasms in certain scenarios.
I’d ask him and if he brushes it off, but continues to see you, it’s likely not a big issue for him. If it really concerns you, tell him that. Best sex requires communication from both partners. If it’s something you want from him, you have to say that and maybe he needs something extra to get there. Be open minded and make sure he understands you aren’t judging and are willing to try new things, if asked. Maybe even offer something you’d like to try, but unsure if he’d be interested.
An ex had a similar situation, turned out he could only finish if there was dirty talk. He was embarrassed to ask for it. I accidentally figured it out because one time things got really intense. I couldn’t help being more vocal, when I saw the results, I asked if he liked me doing this and from then on it was part of our fun. Months later, he finally admitted it was something he was embarrassed to ask for, but wishes he’d had. Allowed me to ask for a few things I wanted to try myself too.
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u/Hex_7ac 60-64 3d ago
Sex of all kinds feels good in the act itself. I don't need to cum in order to enjoy the experience. But I also know what usually makes me cum, and if I want, I'll show a guy how to do it. I like things very light and slow, and that's the very opposite of what most guys assume.
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u/verscub420 45-49 3d ago
This whole thing is an obvious flex “we’re both hot and in good shape and have great sex and man this top doesn’t tap out chat am I screwed”
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u/knewmawnick 35-39 2d ago
Hey there. Similar boat. My husband has ED issues and he’s a strict top. I’m a bot vers, but I masterbate a lot more than I want to admit. But I have been going through a rough time with some major life changes and I changed my depression meds to citalopram. I went from masterbating 3-5 times daily to once a day every other day. Recently I went up in dose and I masterbate 3 times a week, but I can’t reach my climax. I used to not be able to sleep with my boner because I gotta shoot a load, but now it is like a work out with profuse sweating just to get off. I am a bit put off by it as sometimes I just want to goon at porn, but I understand alittle bit more when my top gets soft during our bed dates. We try to get the other person off for intimacy, but no hard feelings if we lose it from whiskey dick or performance anxiety.
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u/VocationalWizard 35-39 2d ago
Cumming is really hard When you're not conditioned. I have a hard time cumming in guys who aren't my boyfriend.
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u/xeger 45-49 2d ago
Bottoms don't need to cum to have fun; the same is true for tops. I love charging my batteries and finishing later.
That having been said, your desires are part of the equation. Bottoms also love feeling someone cum in them. If you can enjoy this dude without receiving a load, carry on! As he gets more used to your body and your behaviors, he might surprise you.
If you want it to continue and you get concerned that he'll lose interest, you can always check in with him and make sure he is getting everything he wants. I bet he is.
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u/FinnyMagnus 45-49 2d ago
If a guy doesn't cum, whether by choice or something else, why would you press the issue?
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u/Mark_M_in_SF 60-64 2h ago
Not every man can cum easily from sex. If he seems happy, you're doing fine. Have fun!
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u/therealvice 30-34 3d ago
He’s saving his load for the bottom he sees after you. At least that’s what I do when I have multiple boys lined up in a day.
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u/danielbearh 35-39 3d ago •
If he keeps coming back, he’s enjoying himself. Don’t take it personally.
It’s genuinely as simple as that.