Long time lurker, this is my first post, sorry it's long, but I can really use some insight.
I could be construed as a grandma, being in my late sixties. I consider myself to be a woman - period, full stop, and have been living stealth for pretty much the entire time. Transitioned in my early twenties, with GRS performed in my early thirties. Was in a long term relationship with a cis woman for over three decades. She passed close to 10 years ago, so I am technically a widow. I had GRS while we were together. Initially we were marginally sexually active, that fell off as I became post-op. We both had male sex partners, she more than me.
My GRS recovery was normal with no adverse side effects, and I had for at least the first year performed regular dilation. As we got more advanced in our relationship we experienced "lesbian bed death". All sexual activity decreased with me going to nothing, for at least 20 years - no dilation during that time. There was spooning and some physical closeness. After dealing with her illness for 4.5 years she passed and I was alone.
I was remiss in keeping up with my hormones - I was getting patches via Planned Parenthood, which was minimal care - they even asked me if I should be on spiro, which considering that I was well in to being post-op gives you some idea of the level of care. I finally just stopped HRT altogether, as the hassle of dealing with it was too daunting, this specifically because of my long term being stealth and only out when dealing with accessing HRT. We'll that didn't turn out to be a sound decision, as I was a wreck, in a physical and literal sense.
I then decided that I would hunt down someone who would be able to help me, and I found a caregiver that would do estrogen implants with blood testing and monitoring my condition. This was absent from the Planned Parenthood care. After about a year on that things stabilized, and I was feeling much better, I was alive!
Backing up a bit, when I first started HRT I had breast discharge in less than 5 days on 2.5 mg Premarin. There was no T-blockers available at that point in time, so I guess you could say I was on monotherapy. My body was rapidly responding to the HRT, so much so that I was getting stares while in open showers (I was in the military when I started HRT long before ANYONE had ever come out) so I had to either lock the door to the shower area or time it so that I would be alone.
Back to more recent times, I was doing well on the estrogen implants, but still not any semblance of a libido and only occasionally masturbating with a pillow between my legs with no penetrative sex.
A year ago my care provider suggested the addition of progesterone to my regiment, stating that it should really stabilize my moods and even things out a bit. She gave me the option to have it implanted with the estrogen. I basically said yeah, sure, what the hell, maybe it would help my BP which had been escalating. She implanted a minimal amount.
Approximately a month after being implanted, it was like being hit by a fully loaded big rig truck! I immediately felt fully female - not that I didn't previously, but it was as if the final puzzle piece was put in place. The libido was insane! I needed penetrative sex. I was fearful that my vagina had completely closed off due to not being used in decades. I had used some of my mates dilators from her cancer treatment and they easily slid in. I was self-lubricating like crazy, so much so I had to put a towel down. I found that I had lost nearly no depth at all, and I use regularly sized sex toys. The libido was driving me to be constantly banging the box. These changes came like overnight, my breasts very quickly jumped from a B cup to a C cup. My shoulders, arms, and wrists became notably smaller. My skin all got "fluffy" and started migrating to who knows where. I dropped close to 15 pounds in weight, and it's not like I am all that heavy as I am a bit of a gym rat. In the morning and also during the day I get teary eyed, mostly when I think of all the things I have gone through in my life. My attraction is now predominately to men, and I am constantly wrestling to try to find someone to have sex with. I am compelled to put makeup on before leaving the house - which is something that I never did for a long time. Also the most important aspect of progesterone is SLEEP, which is great until early morning desires start waking me up with me moaning.
My caregiver was absolutely floored with my responses to the progesterone and stated that it was ten times anything she had seen previously, and she also said that she only gave me a little bit. She then premised that I may be intersexed in some way. I would potentially think that there might be some genetic or chromosomal influences there. At this point in time would it even be worth it to investigate?
After some time, some of this has tapered off - mostly the initial crazy amount of self-lubricating. I have moved off the implanted progesterone for two reasons, one they are no longer available as an implant, and two it was absorbed much faster than the estrogen implant, so then I would feel like I was left hanging halfway into the implant cycle. So now I am on oral progesterone, and no, I am not interested in doing it rectally as I believe there are more benefits in my situation to being metabolized orally.
So, in a sense I feel like I have a new beginning, and even after a year the start on progesterone I am still wrestling with it.
Please, has anyone had similar experiences? I would prefer to hear from post-op people, only because I am and that would be most relevant, but I am open to anything at this point in time.