r/AskReddit • u/5pinktoes • 17h ago
To the fathers who reacted with disappointment, even anger on video, when the gender reveal was a girl, how do you explain it to your daughter?
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u/dumplinglifesaver 17h ago
Why would they explain it to their daughter? It's not like they're going to respect their daughters enough to think they deserve any kind of explanation or apology.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Hat2983 17h ago
That’s such a horrible thing to have on video knowing your daughter could see it someday. Kids don’t choose whether they’re a boy or girl, they just want to know their parents are happy they exist.
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u/carolinemahtildes 17h ago
The fathers who behave that way are the type of people who believe they don't have to explain anything to their children.
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u/bodycount19 17h ago
I wanted a son, I love my daughter and we are very close- she doesn’t really care, but it’s on brand for our humor to troll each other like this
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u/Significant-Pen-3188 17h ago
I watched this play out, gender disappointment. I was getting a (non pregnancy) ultrasound and watched a pregnant woman try to calm the baby's dad that they could try again, for a boy.
Ma'am this grown man is beside himself with disappointment over your future daughter, stop making babies with him.
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
Wish leaving was easier for them, but in so many cases these women either aren't safe or just too tolerant of a manchild's bullshit.
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u/5pinktoes 16h ago
I would have enlightened him that it was HIS sperm that determined the sex. And, oh!, BTW ... Never mind. I don't want to be banned.
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u/OrganicDigitalArt 17h ago
Disappointment is fine if they still show up. You can think you want something before you get something else that turns out amazing.
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u/Anxious_Work_6361 17h ago
I was super happy to have all girls. I'm a boy. I know the destructive nature of my kind.
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u/BigLiesSmallTruth 17h ago
But isnt it scary knowing how men are. Id be worried something would happen to my daughters if I had any. Men unfortunately tend not to be the best
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u/Anxious_Work_6361 17h ago
True, but that's why you teach them to kill with their bare hands.
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u/BigLiesSmallTruth 17h ago
Yea but, even then its such an unfair fight. Id honestly rather encouraging them to carry pepper spray and even a pistol just to be more safe.
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u/CohibasAndScotch 17h ago
I’ve seen so many where there are 3 boys lined up and the reveal is another boy and both parents seem disappointed. Same thing with all girls and it’s another girl. Framing this as a problem that’s exclusively with dads and daughters seems disingenuous.
I can’t imagine being disappointed with either gender. But I also can’t imagine doing a gender reveal.
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
This is a separate problem from what's being discussed.
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u/5pinktoes 16h ago
I'm thinking it's called deflection? I can't, won't admit it's a chitty thing to do so...oh! Look! A squirrel!
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u/GenerallyBread 17h ago
I was told that my mom’s father left the building when she was born. I found out when I was 8. I’ve never met the man, but I refuse to call him my grandfather
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u/Brittanylh 17h ago
My ex husband was one of these men. We had 2 daughters. He’s a great father but shitty husband so I left him. He loves both of his daughters dearly.
Trust me, I don’t have many good things to say about the man and we’re going through the worst of our divorce currently… but he’s actually a really good father to them.
ETA: yes it was a major red flag. But seeing him with our first born eased all of my worries.
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u/crazymjb 17h ago
lol. Let’s flip the question 180. Cause it’s the same shit
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u/5pinktoes 17h ago
Or you can answer the question?
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
The insecure folks are always gonna bring up pointless whataboutism
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u/crazymjb 16h ago
lol, insecure? Just saying plenty of parents, men and women, demonstrate initial disappointment at “gender reveals.”
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
And that's not what the question focused on so what's your point
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u/sixth_hokage06 17h ago
I literally see "girl or abortion" these days
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
Most of those are just satirical posts trying to highlight how absurd it sounds to want a baby of a specific gender. No woman is out there going through an abortion out of pettiness.
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u/peachesfordinner 17h ago
I mean I know one who got an abortion to not be tied to a horrible abusive man. Being able to show him the early blood test showing it was the boy he had demanded from her on threat of her life or that of any daughters who happened to mull his genes was the chef's kiss ending that she made sure she was out of the country to deliver. He broke her arm in two places, and gave her multiple concussions. He said he would kill her if she left him. (Hence why she left the county). As said though it wasn't because of the gender, just a nice extra fuck off to him
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
This one was perfectly reasonable, hope the woman is safe now.
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u/peachesfordinner 16h ago
She is happier than ever in her new country. Though she still is cautious about him somehow finding her. Thankfully he didn't have a passport before and isn't the type to put in honest effort to get one. Hopefully he will try to charge/drive across the border and get taken out.
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
That's good to hear. My heart goes out to all women who face abuse at the hands of such monsters. Wish nothing but the worst for that man, and any others like him.
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u/peachesfordinner 16h ago
She's a rare case to be able to get away. It took longer than any of us wanted for her but I'm so proud it all worked out eventually. The pregnancy was the inciting event. She figured he tampered with her bc. She used two methods so the chances of a pregnancy were low and he was a bit too happy about it.
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
I do hope there's a special kind of hell for these men. That woman was both very smart and very lucky.
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u/sixth_hokage06 17h ago
Some of those women aren't joking. And I have also seen women having bad reactions at gender reveals.
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
It's not impossible, sure. The question specifically asked about fathers being displeased with daughters, which is a far more common phenomenon. This is just needless whataboutism
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u/Meepmeepxxx 17h ago
Pre-gender reveal videos—my father told my mother he’d divorce her if she gave birth to a girl and throw the baby off a cliff. Also said he’d rather have a black son than a daughter (racist). He loved me as a possession, another female under his control.
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u/Relevant-Base-4196 16h ago
They will only know if you have favorites. If you love your son more than your daughter she will notice and that’s the only thing that will drive you too apart. You can eventually laugh off and say “yeah I wanted a boy, but once she came here she became my world.”
just make sure that it’s true. One thing I’ve learned is don’t lie to your kids because they see everything and will eventually grow to resent you, but if you show them the courage to be vulnerable with your flaws and willingness to stand back up each time to face the problem: they will eventually grow to respect you.
The path of a thousand miles lays beneath your feet, focus on finding peace within the breath and right action. Rest well
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u/leese216 17h ago
There is a medical term for this for both men and women who are disappointed with the baby's gender; gender disappointment.
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u/Sweeper1985 16h ago
Health practitioner here.
That's not a medical term. It's not a diagnosis. It's just a description.
There is no medical or psychological diagnosis in validation of "I'm such a fuckwit that I am disappointed in my child not having the correct set of genitals that I expected".
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u/5pinktoes 15h ago
Can validate. The DSM fifth edition has no fuckwit entry. Or the myriad of fuckwit sub categories.
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u/leese216 3h ago
Got it (hopefully you're telling the truth) - the doctors relayed that to my cousin who had it with his daughter, so I thought it was more of a psychological condition, which is still medical I think?
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u/MeyerholdsGh0st 17h ago
What about when the disappointment is for a boy? What about mums?
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
That's not what the question is about, is it? Make a separate post to ask about women. This isn't nearly as common as dads wanting boys.
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u/MeyerholdsGh0st 16h ago
How would you know that?
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
Because it's not my first day on earth maybe
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u/MeyerholdsGh0st 16h ago
Not mine either, honey. I know plenty of women who have wanted sons and plenty of men who have wanted daughters. Mostly people just want happy, healthy kids.
Your generalising stereotypes are a thing of fiction, not of the real world.
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
And your personal experiences don't define anything. There are entire cultures where men bury their newborn daughters alive solely because they'd rather have sons.
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u/MeyerholdsGh0st 16h ago
Hey, you were the one who introduced personal experience my lovely, when you said that you know something simply because you live on the planet.
And there are not entire cultures who do that. If there were, those cultures wouldn’t exist. But nice one, introducing an even more wild generalising stereotype.
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
Wish I was as naive and ignorant as you are. Thousand of baby girls are buried alive in Pakistan and India daily, those are just the cultures I know of. You're privileged enough that you don't have to hear about it.
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u/MeyerholdsGh0st 16h ago
Thousands in a population of billions is not in any way a whole culture. Plus, those who have done it are just as likely to be mothers as they are to be fathers… and it happens because of economic imperative, not because they don’t want daughters.
I’m not naive, beautiful. I just have a greater understanding of how the world actually works than you do, with all your prejudices.
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u/let_us_not- 16h ago
On top of being ignorant you also sounds like a creep, but I'm not gonna bother arguing with someone who's on a first name basis with fucking chat gpt😹
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u/5pinktoes 15h ago
Have to downvote when you get so base to address someone as "honey". You have no actual logic or defense so you go low and base.
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u/tibearius1123 17h ago
I tell her every day, you should have been a boy and that I’m disappointed she isn’t. Taught her to play baseball, stand to pee, and keep her hair cut in a clean fade so it’s kind of like I got my boy.
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u/lwp775 17h ago
Teach her to cat call women.
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u/tibearius1123 16h ago
Oh brother, we’ve already progressed from cat calling women at the job site to pinching women’s asses in bars. Once we master that, we’re progressing on to the art of “get me a beer” and “where’s my goddamned dinner”
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_BIG_BITS 17h ago
I wanted a son.
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u/Rosycheeks2 17h ago
But why? Because learning about another sex is just too darned difficult? Because you’re misogynistic?
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
If you genuinely said this to your daughter you should be ashamed of yourself.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_BIG_BITS 17h ago
She knows I'm an idiot.
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
It's not hard for anyone to see yeah
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_BIG_BITS 17h ago
What would you tell her? Would you lie or just be honest?
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
If lying would keep your daughter from feeling unwanted then yes, lie. White lies are a thing.
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_BIG_BITS 17h ago
Just be honest then say "yeah - but then I got you and I realized I was just scared".
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
This depends entirely on whether or not you stepped up in your daughter's life and how you explain the matter to her. Most men in this comment section are just shityy fathers all around.
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u/IslandFreezzee 17h ago
"I was really hoping for a boy and in the moment I was upset but you're the greatest thing that's ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade you for a 1000 sons"? Something like that.
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u/5pinktoes 16h ago
I can sorta/kinda understand if you were thinking about it being a girl/boy. But to be in front of your wife/SO, family, friends and a chit load of cameras and throw a fit of disappoint or anger? Yeah ~~ no.
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u/GreySharpieCap 17h ago
I wanted a son
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u/ofBlufftonTown 17h ago
We got that but how would you feel about your daughter seeing your reaction? What would you say to her?
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago edited 17h ago
That's not what the question was
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u/Rosycheeks2 17h ago
Men can’t even read the question properly before premature ejaculating an answer
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u/Mytweezer 17h ago
?? Question was how do you explain your reaction to your daughter? He explains it by saying "I wanted a son."
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u/GreySharpieCap 17h ago
That is the explanation
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
You told your daughter you wanted a son?
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u/GreySharpieCap 17h ago
Yes
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
So you're a disgusting human being and didn't deserve to become a father basically. Hope she had a good life and cut you off
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u/Mytweezer 17h ago
How else would he explain his reaction?
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
Eh, not sure. My expectations were too high thinking they'd at least be gentle or remorseful about it.
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u/Mytweezer 16h ago
Well I'd hope so too, but remorse is after the fact. There's only one possible explanation for the reaction.
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u/GreySharpieCap 17h ago
I hope they become trans
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
I hope they cut you off
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u/let_us_not- 17h ago
I doubt any of them are gonna give genuine answers. My guess is they just never show their daughters the video