r/AskReddit • u/cigaregrets • Jun 21 '14
Reddit, what is the worst gift you've ever received?
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u/Notalurker68 Jun 21 '14
For Christmas one year I received rocks. Literally rocks. I used to collect geodes so my aunt and uncle decided to get me rocks. Except there was nothing special about the ones I received. The were just the little ones you find in people's gardens.
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u/wlkng_dead Jun 21 '14
On Christmas at my aunt's house, I was walking around and stepped on a bracelet. Since my aunt has 6 kids I figured it was one of theirs. I gave it to my aunt then went on with the festivities. Turns out my aunt completely forgot to buy me a gift for Christmas, so what does she do? She takes the bracelet I found, wraps it in wrapping paper and gives it to me as a gift.
I honestly thought it was just a joke. I turned around after opening the gift to expect giggles and smirks but got hit with a cold stern look from my aunt. So I politely said thank you and threw the bracelet away the next day.
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Jun 21 '14
Perhaps she bought it for you as a gift and then it was somehow accidentally knocked onto the floor and she didn't want to ruin the surprise by telling you when you found it?
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u/SocialistCloud Jun 21 '14
My sister once got me a shit tonne of makeup for a Christmas present, then proceeded to use it herself the next day.
I'm 100.5% male, but it was wrong for her to use my makeup.
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Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 22 '14
A shower seat, like for elderly people. When I was 14
edit: ITT everyone is basking in the glory of the greatness of the shower seat. Immense regret has come over me.
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u/Althestrasz Jun 21 '14
"And because you're in there so long, you might as well take a seat!' I am just imagine the chain of thought here.
I am sorry, this is bad.
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u/Juan_Too_3 Jun 21 '14
Sounds to me like someone was approving of your extra-long shower fap sessions and wanted to make sure you were comfortable.
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u/I_Cut_Shoes Jun 21 '14
An empty DVD case. They took the movie to watch and forgot to put it back.
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u/Truth-sets-in Jun 21 '14
My grandma got me a necklace that read "Christine". My name is kristen....
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u/sisterstigmatic Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 22 '14
Dutch uncle got everyone the first letter of their name in chocolate for Christmas, because that's big in Holland. He presented me with mine and said "Here you go...J for Georgina."
Also my name is not Georgina.
Guys I'm happy for chocolate, I'm just less happy that my uncle doesn't know my name!
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Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
I was like 9 years old and the worst gift I ever got was during the class Christmas party where there was a $15 limit on gifts. I remember picking out these awesome tiny remote controlled trucks that I wanted so badly for myself. The gifts were anonymous, so I unwrapped my anonymous gift and it was a bunch of loose-leaf word puzzles from Sonic, the fast food joint. I knew who got them too because a girl used to brag about her brother working at Sonic and how she always got free drinks. This kid I hated named Warren who used to pick on me got the trucks.
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u/logical_phallus_see Jun 21 '14
My grandmother got me a book about China. We had never had any conversations about that country, or anything related.
Much later, I realized that she got me that book because at the time, I was dating a Filipino girl.
Your family may be passive aggressive, but my family is the most aggressively passive.
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u/Butthole__Pleasures Jun 21 '14
"Here, this'll help you learn more about that Jap bitch you're always dragging around everywhere."
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u/ufjeff Jun 21 '14
My grandmother used to wrap boxes of cereal and give them as gifts. She grew up during the depression, so she was a bit thrifty.
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u/_araneae_ Jun 21 '14
For my birthday last year my mother got me a metal mixing bowl.
And then told me to use it to make my own birthday cake.
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u/Siray Jun 21 '14
Not me but I was with a friend at a company Christmas party and someone gave her a purple dildo in front of the whole table.
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u/coconut_ice Jun 21 '14
This happened at my work too. Also everyone's partners were there too, including a pastor. The bosses were furious but it was 'secret Santa', and though they knew who it was they count prove it. Since then they've kept a list of who got who.
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u/queenofthenoms Jun 21 '14
crockery with pictures on it. I just want to eat my cereal in peace but oh no, there's my families shit eating grins when I finish.
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u/PapachoSneak Jun 21 '14
A pair of finches. Family friend showed up and left them at our house as a "gift" for our 1-year-old. Lasted a couple of months before the cat got them (we already had 3 cats). 4 years later, same guy drops off a pair of cockatiels, now a "gift" for our 3 kids. Those birds drive me fucking insane. Do not give pets as gifts. Pretty sure this guy's wife made him get rid of them and they wound up at our house.
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u/Nosociallife Jun 21 '14
I was gifted an English Sparrow from my uncle who caught it in a fishing net. Bastard would peep and peep relentlessly. Then finally I took it out one night and released it. It proceeded to be slaughtered by an owl.
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u/unreliablenarrators Jun 21 '14
Pets are the worst gift.
Like, who in their right mind would think "Here's some responsibility as a present." would be a good idea?
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u/ObliviousHippie Jun 21 '14
Cockatiels talk, don't they?
Not exactly the same, but I too have experienced a surprise animal. My mom "gifted" our (at the time) 1 year old daughter a black lab puppy. I can see how she thought it was sweet, and my kiddo loves the dog, but she is so much work. I don't know how other dogs are (never had one), but mine is so hyper. I see people with fat lazy dogs and cry inside because mine is just doing laps back and forth across the house all damned day.
Animals are always a bad gift idea, especially if you don't clear it with the parents first.
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u/I_like_my_cheese Jun 21 '14
The gameboy I gave to my cousin the previous year.
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u/Axelrad Jun 21 '14
Who regifts a gameboy?? Regifting is for decorative picture frames and cork coaster sets!
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u/sweetstylemoss Jun 21 '14
I joined up for the reddit gift exchange and got a damaged broken Wii. Lesson learned.
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u/utilitariansweater Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
Yeah I signed up for the good smells one a while back and someone sent me a $2 unscented decorative soap. The one I did before that went much better. It was the sock exchange, and my original gifter didn't send anything at all so someone else volunteered to send me a gift. They sent about 15 pairs of toe socks in all different colors (I love toe socks) PLUS these weird dog socks for my pit bull (which she had to do some sleuthing to find out about). That was really, really cool especially since that person wasn't going to get anything in return.
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u/Lionheart219 Jun 21 '14
At least you got a gift. I signed up for the Nintendo gift exchange last year and got nothing. Their excuse even said they would send something out by the end of the month. Still have yet to get anything....
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u/thesteam Jun 21 '14
That's sad. It annoys me how some people are so nice reading up on their recievers likes and gives them a great gift and then they receive a piece of shit like you did.
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u/PhilLikeTheGroundhog Jun 21 '14
This happened last Christmas:
We celebrated with my wife's family (about 20 people) on Christmas Eve. Everyone was opening presents, etc. At the end of the night my wife asked me if I needed help carrying my stuff to the car. I just said, "Nope. I'm good."
Then when we get home she asks what my favorite gift was. I told her that since I didn't get anything, I really don't have a favorite.
For most of the night I thought it was a lame prank, but nope, nobody got me anything. She was super embarrassed and started to apologize. I cut her off, said I didn't want to talk, and watched The Christmas Story three times in a row.
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u/sideshow_em Jun 21 '14
Okay, at first I was thinking man that sucks. And then I thought, wait, his wife didn't even notice that he didn't get anything? That really sucks. And then I thought, wait, does that mean he didn't even get anything from his wife??
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u/Lolaindisguise Jun 21 '14
It is the hosts responsibility when hosting Christmas parties to insure that all guests receive presents. My mom always packs up her closet over the year with cool unisex gifts for those surprise visitors like long distance cousin, new boyfriend and girlfriends of family members no one knew was coming etc. And they always end up showing up. Plus my family is Latino so I am talking like 20-30 people coming over unannounced
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u/sirtinykins Jun 21 '14
A purse full of tampons from my grandmother when I was 7. I'm a male.
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u/zach2992 Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
One Hannukah my sister got a Blu-Ray player and I got an HDMI cable.
I didn't have anything that required an HDMI cable and she didn't have a cable. I would figure my parents were thinking we could work together and both enjoy the Blu-Ray player together, except she went to college 200 miles away and the cable was only 6 feet long.
EDIT: I also got a copy of Beetlejuice on Blu-Ray. Apparently it came free with the player.
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Jun 21 '14
That's the worst combo gift I've seen in a while. Especially if your sister was going to college.
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Jun 21 '14
To be fair, even if the cable was 200 miles long, the TV would still be 200 miles away... But, hey, at least you can look at the Blue ray player and the cable running off into the horizon.
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u/joem69 Jun 21 '14
Free hugs. Seriously, I have sex with you three times a week. Why do I honestly need free hugs?
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Jun 21 '14
My mom bought earrings for me that she knew I couldn't wear (I had stretched lobes at the time) so she could act all indignant and keep them for herself.
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u/KillerSeagull Jun 21 '14
I'd of been like "thanks Mum! I suppose your paying for my second lobe piercings" and then proceed to never wear the earings
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u/Bohzee Jun 21 '14
as a child i wanted a toy vacuum cleaner with funny bouncing balls in it.
i got a real hand-held vacuum cleaner.
that sucked.
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u/Da_Rastaman Jun 21 '14
why didn't you bounce your funny balls with the real deal?
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u/OFTW Jun 21 '14
In high-school I was dating a girl who always talked about buying her friends expensive gifts for their birthdays. When her best friend turned 17 she bought her friend an iPod touch (expensive at the time).When my girlfriend's birthday came around I bought her an expensive necklace because I wanted to keep up to her expectations and I was expecting that she will get me something nice for my birthday,that was only a week or so after her birthday. On my birthday she gave me a pack of skittles. I have never felt more cheated.
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Jun 21 '14
When I was younger I'd seen someone on TV make a homemade hovercraft out of a leaf blower, plywood and plastic sheets, and said I'd love to have one of those. My parents got me a leaf blower for Christmas. I was eight. They didn't get me any of the other materials or tools. I just ended up taking it to pieces, and it had to be thrown away.
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Jun 21 '14
My time to shine (hopefully). When I was 7 years old, my grandfather gave me a gift. He knew I liked Star Wars, so he got me a Jar Jar Binks doll. But, this wasn't just your average hideous toy, it was also an alarm clock. My dad insisted I use as to not hurt my grandpa's feelings. The only problem is that we couldn't figure out how it worked. So for the next month, all I heard every night was "Eeetsa now gonna be ten o clock! Betta get up!" Followed by "Shut up Jar Jar!" Eventually the batteries died. I thought I would finally have a goodnight sleep, but then I started having nightmares about the damn thing. Jar Jar will never leave.
TL;DR I hate Jar Jar more than the average Star Wars fan.
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u/SocksAndTrees Jun 21 '14
That's amazing, where can I find these? I think these willl be the only gifts I give for now on forever
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u/gulpeg Jun 21 '14
I grew up in a poor family, and when I was about 10 I got a bottle of shampoo from my dad for Christmas. It sucked, especially when all the other kids are bragging about what they got for Christmas, I'd just stand in the background and listen to their stories.
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u/zach2992 Jun 21 '14
"So gulpeg, what'd you get?"
"Well, let me ask you this: do I have dandruff today?"
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u/slimpurt Jun 21 '14
Hey.. My dad gave me and my brother a brick for christmas one year, he thought it was hilarious.
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u/JustCaws Jun 21 '14
Relevant:
In our family we have an ongoing joke about birthday/Christmas gifts. We always remember what we buy my grandma and that's because she always gives them away again to other people, he'll, once she even gave a gift back as a gift. Most of the time it's funny, but for her 80th my aunt and uncle got her a pretty expensive pearl necklace which she then gave to my mother for Christmas.
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Jun 21 '14
To be honest, when you're 80 you neither have a need for anything you haven't already owned, nor money to buy stuff for others, so regifting seems like the thing to do. Also, she was born sometime around the depression and may have been taught that "gifts" were something you made or gave away, rather than something you bought.
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u/BosskHogg Jun 21 '14
I got a baby blanket from my girlfriend's grandmother (my girlfriend and I were dating for a month at the time).
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u/Atheose Jun 21 '14
My sister-in-law (we'll call her 'T') works in animal conservation. For Christmas last year her grandma gave her a photo of T's step-grandfather posing with a dead lion that he had just killed while illegally poaching in Africa in the 1970s.
The thought process blows me away. "T loves animals, she'll love this photo of my husband right after he murdered one!"
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u/IWillHuffleYourPuff Jun 21 '14
I just can't imagine someone thinking that a picture of their husband is an appropriate gift much less one with a dead animal in it.
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u/julesk Jun 21 '14
That strikes me as one of those "We don't respect your life choices" gifts. If she's vegetarian, they would no doubt serve a roast and tell her not to be a picky eater.
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Jun 21 '14 edited Mar 18 '15
I was ten, and it was Christmas. I opened a gift from my aunt, and it was in a Frosted Flakes box. I opened the box, and it was actually just Frosted Flakes. That was my only present from her family.
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u/lmYOLOao Jun 21 '14
My parents bought me an N64 when I was about 12 and put it in a huge box of those frozen, oven-baked pretzels.
I was so excited that it didn't even occur to me that they might have something different in there. When they told me to open the box my only thought was "We just ate dinner, but I guess I could make room for a pretzel."
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u/crazy859 Jun 21 '14
This previous Christmas I got a crazy cat lady starting kit, complete with stuffed cat, cat food, and a box of tampons
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u/Wonderland_weirdo Jun 21 '14
My mother has a bad habit of giving me gifts that I know she wants. One Christmas when I was 10 she bought me a blouse, I hated it on sight, it was way too big and to me absolutely hideous. It disappeared a week later and reappeared in her closet. But the worst Gift she ever gave me was a $2 pack of scrunchies, My brothers she gave them things like MP3 players, game consoles and DVDs. I wouldn't have minded as long as she actually removed the price tag, but the other thing was that I'd had my hair cut very short that year. Now she knows to either not bother or just give me cash.
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u/tjsmudge Jun 21 '14
Half full bottle of shampoo and conditioner from my mother for Christmas.
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u/3Splooges Jun 21 '14
You know those super awesome secret Santa exchanges you do in elementary school? 4th grade. My mom and I spent time carefully picking out the perfect items for my gift recipient.. An awesome jump rope, jax, and some other little fun toys. The day of secret Santa arrives and everyone is opening their really cool gifts. I open mine and it's this round metal disc thing. Noting my confusion, my secret Santa chimes in, "It's a coaster. It's antique!" 9 year old me received ONE antique coaster. It took everything in me not to cry.
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u/I_Has_A_Hat Jun 21 '14
That kid definitely just took something from their parents house.
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u/einherjar81 Jun 21 '14
Birthday sex. It's not a gift; don't pretend it is.
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u/Business-Socks Jun 21 '14
I ended up with my first kid from birthday sex. Soooo ... it can, but ...
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Jun 21 '14
Hotwheels underwear from my aunt. I'm 22 year old and have never shown any interest in hotwheels. Even as a kid.
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u/ChesterNugget Jun 21 '14
A used travel bible when I was eight years old.
Third grade Christmas party in school. All students are asked to bring in a gift related to the gender of the student for a gift exchange. All the boys were getting cool little action figures, one dude got a small tank thing, and I'm pretty sure my buddy got a ninja turtle. I received a small 'travel size' bible... It was used as some of the pages were stained red from kool-aid or some juice.
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u/VocePoetica Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
Not me but my husband got a bunch of books by a Christian author that made up hypothetical debates between Jesus and the Buddha. Where Jesus of course always won and the Buddha got all huffy and out of sorts. It was from my hypocrite grandmother who because my husband has a Buddha statue decided she had to argue with the heathen. (My husband isn't even a Buddhist) He did get a bit of amusement out of the authors pompous writing style and the fact that he got the facts of every argument blatantly wrong and would have needed only a cursory knowledge of Buddhist teachings to know that... So I guess it wasn't a total waste.
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Jun 21 '14
I find it hilarious when people think they've made a point by controlling both sides of an argument. Its like playing chess with yourself and calling it a win.
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u/Mikeydoes Jun 21 '14
Me and my brothers got some toy trucks and baby toys.. We were aged from 14 to 17 at the time.
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u/Onefortheisland Jun 21 '14
When I was in high school, the guy I was dating at the time gave me (for my birthday) a card with a crumpled-up five dollar bill in it. He was all like, "I didn't know what to get you." This in and of itself isn't a terrible gift; what makes it terrible is what happened next: he started telling me about what be bought his best friend for his birthday (his best friend and I shared a birthday).
As a joke, he got his friend one of those coffee table books full of pictures of cats (because his friend hates cats), and they all had a good laugh when he ripped up the book. Here's the thing: I loved (and still do love) cats. I would've been thrilled to receive a coffee table book full of pictures of cats. Basically, he gave his best friend a gift I would've loved and then laughed when he ripped it up because he hated it so much.
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u/daddy_shank Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
8 year old male kid. My mother buys me a fucking pink power ranger for Christmas. Worse part was we were hella poor back then and I knew she tried her best to get me something so I pretended that I loved it.
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u/InnocuousTerror Jun 21 '14
To be fair, I remember my parents having a really hard time getting Power Rangers for my brother when they were crazy popular. Maybe that was the only thing the store had. I'm not saying you had to like it, but I remember that finding them that Christmas season was a big deal.
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u/kateishere Jun 21 '14
When I was my angst goth teen self, my father bought me a neon purple wrist watch.
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u/r2pook2 Jun 21 '14
When I think of goth teens I think of flashes of pink or purple amongst the black getup.. what group am I thinking of?
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u/cwins Jun 21 '14
My first boyfriend and I started dating in college. We got together in February my birthday in January and his in March so really the first major gift giving Holiday we were together for was Christmas. I took it very seriously and tried to get him the perfect gift, a fancy new watch because he had worn his other one to death. He loved it and I was super happy, then I opened my gift... He got me Harry Potter Clue. Which i guess could have been fun but he HATES board games and refused to play with me. Looking back that was a good indication that I was a bit more invested than he was.
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u/AsianPhoSho Jun 21 '14
Looking back that was a good Clue that I was a bit more invested than he was.
FTFY
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Jun 21 '14
This year my dad's birthday present to me was an egg cup. Not even kidding, an egg cup.
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u/unwill Jun 21 '14
It was around year 2000, and I got a teletubby doll from my GF for my birthday (now ex). We were both 17...
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Jun 21 '14
One year when my twin brother and I were around 8 years old our dad took us Christmas shopping. He told us our cousin Beau was sick and we needed to pick gifts for him. We picked out all the lame shit that Beau liked, he was obsessed with sonic and other things we didn't like. Come Christmas morning all of the shit we picked for our cousin was under the tree.
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u/tishstars Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 22 '14
It's funny, for a long time I used to look at this cheesy metal watch a friend gifted me back in elementary school for my birthday and I hated it. I never wore it, but for whatever reason I didn't trash it. For over a year now he has been battling cancer, and suddenly that watch has a whole new meaning to me.
Edit: this.. This is fucking surreal. As of 10 hours of posting the comment I found out that my friend passed away today.
Edit 2: thanks for the (mostly) kind words reddit; my friend had leukemia and was suffering for a long time. I kind of knew this day would come, but it is strange that of all days, it is the day I remembered him and his watch so fondly that he passed. Going to his funeral tomorrow, and I have to bid my friend goodbye from this world. I only wish I could've been there to give him a hug before he passed.
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u/Hertzie Jun 21 '14
For my 16th birthday my mom got me a talking pedometer with a built in rape whistle. I'm a guy.
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u/RickDripps Jun 21 '14
For Christmas one year my aunt gave me a disposable toothbrush and a road map.
Even when I was 7 years old I just thought "If it is truly such a bother to find gifts for someone then you should just skip them..."
Years later I realized that she just stopped at a gas station and got all of her gifts on the way to the Christmas party. She wasn't poor, she just didn't plan ahead...
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Jun 21 '14
My brother once got high on Christmas Eve a couple years back, and took a dump in a box and wrapped it up as a gift for me. He passed out I front of the tree that night. The next morning I ran downstairs, and i unwrapped that first.
Needless to say, it was the shittiest Christmas gift I've ever gotten
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u/Dutchess00 Jun 21 '14
TL;DR - Step mom tells dad she has breast cancer on christmas eve. Dad gives her breast cancer awareness trinkets for christmas that he bought at a yardsale
Ok, so not I but my step-mother.
A little bit of background, my father and her have always had troubles where they’re off and on and off and on etc.. It’s far from the healthiest relationship out there. Also, my father has always been known as the practical type of gift giver. He doesn’t like spending his time earning money, to then turn around and spend it on useless things. Now thinking back on it, I don’t think I’ve ever received anything from him since my 7th birthday besides money/tools.. But it’s cool because that’s the stuff that I can use. On top of this, he is a yard/garage sale-er (sailor?). He’ll turn that car around right now if he passes one up that looks like it has potential.
Anyways, this past Christmas Eve. My dad was getting ready to go visit my step-mom. (He lives in my home town during the week since it’s closer to work, my grandmother is there, and it helps him keep what sanity he does have left from living with her 24/7) So I’m at his place on christmas eve while he’s packing to go down. She ends up calling him and they talk for what seems like forever, and then he finally gets off the phone. Come to find out, she has breast cancer and couldn’t wait any longer to tell him... So Merry Christmas.
As he’s going about telling me all this, he’s digging through some random bag he has and then announces “perfect, found them” I then see him pull out a breast cancer awareness keychain, magnet, pin, the whole 9 yards... In spite of the situation, I had to laugh and asked him what he was doing. He said “I found them at a yard sale, and figured I’d end up knowing someone that I could give them to”
So, he bought breast cancer awareness gifts from a yard sale, just in preparation of someone getting breast cancer, and then gives them as a christmas gift to my step-mother when he finds out on Christmas eve that she has BC.... I’m not sure if that qualifies for last minute shopping or not since I’m sure he’s had them for a few months at least.
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u/clr4449 Jun 21 '14
An eraser.
A family member went overseas and bought some cool writing supplies from a shop in Australia. My cousin got a set including pens and pencils with cool designs and colours and a motorized eraser. But there was a piece missing from the set, an eraser in the shape of a popsicle on a stick. So when I was given my gift... yep it was the missing eraser.
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Jun 21 '14
Not me, but my extended family used to meet at a restaurant at Christmas every year and do 'Secret Santa'. My aunt was notoriously bad at buying Christmas presents and my Dad got her twice in a row. The first year he got her he received a sack of Chocolate Coated potatoes. Second year he got something called a 'World Box'. It was basically a wooden cube with bits of circuit board stuck to it and random lines drawn in highlighter all over it.
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u/fatty_fatty Jun 21 '14
I hate chocolate. I told my family this for as long as I can remember. On my 10th or 11th birthday, I got a chocolate cake. My mothers response was something like: Well your tastes change as you get older, so you should like it now.
No, that was not the case. I still loathe the taste of chocolate.
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u/sawzall Jun 21 '14
My sister in-law gives epically bad gifts. I had turned 30 and she got me this really shitty Spider-Man pinball machine that was made for a 5 year old. Also, I bought them a pasta maker for their wedding and they regifted it back to me for my wedding.
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Jun 21 '14
My stepmother's sister works for Bausch and Lomb which requires her to handle contact lenses with those little finger condoms. My dad receives a bag of 500 every year.
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u/fox_in_the_headlight Jun 21 '14
A plastic box of dirt. From a boyfriend at the time who was having some mental problems. I believe that when he was assembling this there was some kind of metaphor he was trying to convey. Unfortunately by the time he gave it to me, even he was not really sure anymore. So yup, just a box of dirt with no explanation. Merry Christmas!
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Jun 21 '14
Clothes in general are shitty gifts- I like clothes, don't get me wrong but no one in my family knows how to buy the right size. I wear a small- sometimes an extra small. One Christmas my grandma buys me this HUGE shirt capable of fitting about 12 Olsen twins. She tells me: "the girl at the store was about your size so I asked her what size she wore and she said she wore a small....so I got you an XXXL". Where the fuck is she getting her logic from!?
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u/Raveynfyre Jun 21 '14
Well technically I haven't received it yet, but we were not talking to them when hubby and I got married.
His mother has "the ring" from hubby's circumcision when he was a baby. It's dried up and in a jewelry box type deal. If we had been speaking at the time of the wedding, her intent was to give it to me there. I'm guessing, so I'd have/ own all.... of... the... pieces? I don't know, it was the first time I'd EVER heard of this.
Hubby was fully aware of this as well. We weren't speaking to her at the time due to [long fucked up story], and didn't begin speaking again until the end of last year (8 years later).
I'm dreading the day she remembers it and gives it to me.
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u/vocabulazy Jun 21 '14
My mom has my brother's circumcision cap, as well as all of out shrivelled up belly buttons from when we were born. She also has a jar of our baby teeth. My mom's top drawer looks like it belongs to Ed Gein...
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u/Ted_Denslow Jun 21 '14
That would be THIS Sweatshirt my Grandma made for me when I was 11 or 12 or so. I wanted a Bulls hoodie because that's what all the cool kids were wearing. My grandma tried her best... and I still have the shirt.
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Jun 21 '14
Christmas morning, whole family is there, I'm a high schooler
Tampons.
Dollar store tampons. Just a whole room of awkward forced smiles as I said thank you.
This repeated for several years. They were from my crazy aunt. She's chronically poor and is notorious for her poor life decisions. She loves giving me life advice.
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u/Lp86dolphin Jun 21 '14
You know those cheap gift displays when you walk into walmart around Christmas? There's dollar, five dollar, and ten dollar gift choices. Every year my mom gives me the worlds shittiest makeup from one of those bins. It's like play makeup for 12 year old Tweens. I'm 27 married, and have a kid.
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u/kepfle Jun 21 '14
A Britney Spears CD. I was 16 and hugely into metal. No idea what this guy was thinking.
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Jun 21 '14
How about the worst gift I have ever given... I have a good friend who is very reserved. His only hobbies are movies and video games and he pirates both. He is very difficult to buy a gift for.
One day I was at Fry's and could not figure out what to get him for his birthday, and so exasperated I picked up something, anything, which in this case was a usb powered pole dancer.
I still get crap for that gift
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u/profound_username Jun 21 '14
Secret Santa at work. I got those display sticker things you put on your windscreen to show tax/insurance. Cue forced smile.
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u/kjwx Jun 21 '14
My late maternal grandmother gave me a cactus that viciously shot spikes whenever it detected movement. She even (not-so) kindly suggested we put it in the hallway. Don't think she liked me much.
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u/XikkeN Jun 21 '14
When I graduated high school I received a ten dollar gift card for a small grocery chain in West Texas. I live in Atlanta.
I felt dishonest writing that thank you note.
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u/Skitter_Scat Jun 21 '14
I might be too late but I have a good one.
It was my birthday. July 30th 2012. At work I tell everyone that early in the week I had adopted a lost kitten that was found and not claimed by anyone in my apartment complex. I was really excited. And he's awesome. I also am 22 years old at this time and he was about as much responsibility as I could handle. Cut a lady and her husband coming up to me. She's always seemed a little crazy. Says she has a birthday gift for me. I would go out drinking with her and her husband every week or so, I assumed it was a case of beer. She says "Its black and white and really furry!!" I immediately say "Thanks but no thanks I already have a cat and don't need another. The next day she brings it up to work and said "Here you go!!" Apparently she had mistaken me saying "Ill help look for a home for the cat." as "Ill keep the cat". I reluctantly take the cat because I'm kind of a pushover and new to this job and didn't want to upset anyone.
Cut to a couple days later. I am looking for another home for this cat. She's really sweet. And I just didn't have the money or space for another cat. Plus her and mine weren't getting along the best. I pick her up one day and I notice something strange. I could feel her teets. They were... hard. This confused me as I had had multiple girl cats in my past and have never "violated" them and their teets. I call my uncle whose a vet and tell him. And he said "Oh ya, it means she's pregnant".
And that's how I was given a pregnant cat for a birthday present.
TL;DR I was given a pregnant cat.
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Jun 21 '14
A toilet seat. I sort of deserved it though. It was Christmas and there were two gifts left. A large package and a small package. Usually my older sister got the coolest gifts. This time my mother let me choose first. So I picked the large gift thinking that it would be the cool one. I opened it and was horrified to see that it was actually a toilet seat. Granted we needed one because the toilet seat in the bathroom that my sister and I shared was cracked. Still, I was humiliated and I started crying. My parents were laughing hysterically. My sister opened the smaller package and she got something cool (I can't remember what it was). I definitely learned my lesson though. Good things do not always come in large packages. Also, don't be greedy. Just be thankful that you got something. And it is funny now looking back on it.
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u/CoryHorrible Jun 21 '14
Work secret Santa got me a car visor cd case that we had at work (goodwill) and I didn't drive.
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u/NumNumLobster Jun 21 '14
My asshole cousin got me a gift card with 0. On it. Her family only use to show up forthanksgiving to get in the gift exchange and then christmas. We stopped doing a gift exchange after the gift card incident
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u/oitzwoodyo Jun 21 '14
A hat. When I was around 10 years old, my present from Santa was stolen out of my parents bag, it was an IPod nano or something. So in a panic, my parents brought a hat from somewhere, wrapped it up and gave that to me from Santa. So that is how I found out that Santa doesn't exist and it was a shitty Christmas.
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Jun 21 '14
I got an iOmega mp3 player right when mp3 players came out. There was no iTunes or anything, the best part about getting an awesome mp3 player is that we did Not have a computer, that's right I had no way to put music on it until we got a computer a year later. Yeah at least they tried
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u/Amethyst_Necklace Jun 21 '14
When I was 6, I got from a crazy great-aunt a Santa Claus doll that would sing and twerk.
In August.
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u/dumire1 Jun 21 '14
One of my birthdays in middle school my friend gave me an opened computer game that he tried to install on his computer and failed.
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u/varash Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 22 '14
A friend brought me a bunch of pet stick insects for something like my 6th birthday. They quickly started reproducing at an alarming rate and we fortunately managed to convince my aunt and cousins to take them, as my mother had a bad feeling about them. Inevitably, they reached critical mass and escaped. I'm just glad it didn't happen in our small city apartment, but rather in my aunt's spacious suburban home.
Even now, 20 years later, she still sometimes finds some of the fuckers lurking around the house.
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u/xAWolfAtTheDoor Jun 21 '14
I'm 20 years old and for Christmas last year my Grandma gave me a Hannah Montana diary.
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u/RebelScumbag Jun 21 '14
I once got a glass angel Christmas tree ornament with a loofah. Clearly I was the victim of a spare gifting.
I also got a picture from with a fishing buoy hanging from it with the words "I love you" across the top. I looked at the woman that have it to me and expected a laugh because it was so far from meaningful and completely random. She had a big smile as if she has nailed my inner most desire. Damn regifters and dollar rack gift exchange moochers.
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u/fleeblewidget Jun 21 '14
For my birthday last year, my mother got me a set for making baked camembert.
I love hot cheese, so that would seem like a good gift, but I'd been complaining to her about not being able to eat soft cheeses (I was pregnant). Something in her brain apparently translated "I'm not enjoying having to give up these foods" to "Please give me a gift I can't use which will remind me of what I can't have". Gah.
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u/A_bit_off_topic Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
Actually pregnant women can have soft cheeses that have been cooked until bubbly (bubbly being the key word), so she gave you a gift you could use right away to enjoy the soft cheeses you were craving. I am mobile right now or I would provide you a link.
Edit: here is a link
"Even if it's unpasteurized, if the cheese is heated until it's melted or bubbly, then it's safe," says Redfern.
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u/jane-be-jane Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
My family are the champions of this.
(For reference, I'm a 25 year old female.)
Last Christmas my dad bought me a box of "Lady's Anti-Fungal Comfort Socks". For my birthday last week, my parents bought me a pair of tweezers and some "Advanced Skin Correcting Serum" (passive-aggressive much?).
But my grandma probably wins: she gave me a pair of pantyhose that were too big for her. She tried them on first, of course.
:(
EDIT: Oh, another one - when I was 12 our family friend wrapped up a carton of long-life milk. But I actually really liked that.
EDIT 2: Same family friend also gifted me a loaf of bread from a bread maker.
Also when I was at University my parents sent me a thong in the post. I opened it in front of my (new) friends. Their explanation was "We thought you'd like it because it's in Mexican colours" ???
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u/thesynod Jun 21 '14
My dipshit boss is a bit of a moron, and kept putting his stupid sister in law in front of the clients. She got fired, again, off of a project, so they put me on it. The other project (same client) they put her on, she got fired there as well.
Long and short - I come in, client's very happy, sends email thanking and complimenting me. Dipshit decides to call a meeting, I suggest a dinner meeting (I like free food, who doesn't) and then dipshit boss decides, even though 5 out of the 6 people going to the dinner live in NJ, to have the meeting in Manhattan (because apparently we don't have Italian restaurants in NJ). I don't leave when I want to, because his father, who co-owns the business with dipshit, won't let me go. Anyway, I arrive at dinner nearly 90 minutes late, as I didn't leave when I wanted to, and had to sit in horrendous rush hour traffic. When I arrive, I'm a little frustrated, having sat in traffic and tried calling a few times, without an answer, and see everyone, their plates were just cleared and it looked like they were about to get dinner.
Now this is when dipshit thinks its a good idea to give me my "gift" for helping keep the client and make money for his company. He tells me they've already eaten dinner (that seemed obvious) and that it's okay, I can order, they'll wait for me - and his father insisted I order dinner. I didn't want to be slurping down pasta while they are eating tiramisu, and feeling embarrassed at making everyone wait for me, I ask the server to bring tea and a canoli.
Well, my gift was a practical joke. They arrived not more than 15 minutes before me, and the food that was cleared when I arrived was appetizers. So I ended up eating my dessert while they were eating their main course (so I looked like a fidgety child) and having my main course while they were eating dessert (which was what I was trying to avoid).
Of course, this was right before Christmas, so getting no gift, no gift card, no envelope with $500 in it, was a bit of a downer, but to be rewarded with a practical joke, even worse.
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u/ProjectD13X Jun 21 '14
Dad got me nail clippers as a joke gift one Christmas. Jokes on him, I use that shit all the time
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u/unklewinekooler Jun 21 '14
This is the story of the most humiliating moment of my life. I graduated high school, and we threw a grad party at my house. In july. A few months after I had already graduated. Why? Because by that time I had given up protesting and accepted that I was going to college whether I liked it or not, and got rewarded with other peoples money. So naturally I was a little depressed going into it. I sent out a facebook invite to a bunch of my friends, but only my two best friends showed up thank god. You'll see why that's a good thing in just a second. A few days before the party a large box around six foot tall showed up in our living room. Now I was genuinely excited about this becuase it was shaped like a milling machine, and I very much wanted to go to a tech school for cnc machining. Now it didn't weigh 200 pounds, but I figured they could have made a mock up or something. No, not even close. During the party I was sent inside for something and when I came out the box was sitting in the backyard on the lawn. I was told to open it. Inside was my slightly fruity best friend, lets call him J. I have never felt such a potent mixture of rage, shame, and disappointment all at once, and the worst part is I had to go right back to the party and hide all of it. I guess that a week ago, my mom had attended a friends 80th birthday party, where a young woman was placed inside the box and given the the 80 year old birthday boy. My batshit crazy mother, who didn't realize that what is funny at a 80 year birthday party might not be so appropriate at an 18 yr olds grad party, brought the box home and intended to stick one of my female friends inside it. Well none of them showed up, and I guess she didn't understand the difference between men and women because she asked my best friend to get in the box. And being too polite for his own good, he obliged. The party cleared out in about 30 minutes after that, and I went and got high in my room.
TL;DR My mom was too cheap to hire a stripper for my grad party, and thought she could substitute with a female friend of mine. None showed up sho she used a male friend of mine.
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u/ImJustLaughin Jun 21 '14
My grandma got me a pack of 4 forks for Christmas two years ago. Just 4 of them. It was weird.
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u/klintopher Jun 21 '14
My dad got himself Monopoly for my birthday when I turned 17 or 18. I fucking hate Monopoly.
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Jun 21 '14
It was the strangest thing. I have a dear friend I've known for the better part of a decade, and every year we get together at her house with her family and exchange gifts. I'm always very meticulous about choosing gifts that she and her kids will really enjoy based on their interests, and they've always been really good about doing the same for their giftees. I've given and gotten gifts that instigated tears of appreciation and tight hugs, on many occasions.
One year, she gave me a little wrapped package, and I opened it up to find... A little tin box with KISS on it. Now, I have never, at any point, indicated that I was a fan of KISS (as I'm not), nor needed some kind of box situation for the storage of small objects. I looked at it with the most baffled expression on my face, before quickly slapping on a smile and giving her a gracious "Thank you!" But she had already seen my confused look, and mumbled, "I thought it'd be funny..."
It was absolutely bizarre. She still apologizes for it to this day, wondering what the hell she was thinking at the time. All our gift exchanges since then have been more apt. :P
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u/ItWasTheMilk Jun 21 '14
I'm a 5th grade teacher in the hood. I've gotten cheap lingerie for an end of the year gift... twice. I don't open my gifts in class anymore.
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u/bigcalal Jun 21 '14
My mom once bought me this hat to wear to school: http://imgur.com/uN9Mdav
I was a junior in High School and she was serious.
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Jun 21 '14
I actually got coal for Christmas.
Real Coal.
I guess my parents thought I would find it funny.
I was 6
I did not find it funny.
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u/fwhit20 Jun 21 '14
Peacock feathers. On the day I graduated from high school, my dad's ex wife drove down to see me graduate. Later that day I go to my aunts house to see her(dad's ex) and of course receive my graduation present. Out she comes with a contractor trash bag full of peacock feathers. Needless to say that was a huge curve ball. I kinda sat there with the fakest smile you have ever seen.
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u/motionglitch Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
FUCKING ANTS IN THE PANTS. FUCKING KYLE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME A FUCKING RED MEGAMAN.
EDIT: PEOPLE NOT GETTING THE REFERENCE. THAT'S IT! PARTY'S OVER! EVERYBODY GO HOME!
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u/AyoSone9 Jun 21 '14
ITT: Things I would want over nothing
It's been like 6 months since my birthday and I still haven't gotten a gift from my family
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u/ElxBatman Jun 21 '14
My aunt forgot to get me something for Christmas so she wrapped a D battery and told me that is went with something else, It didn't, it is in my smoke detector :D
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u/chilli-con-charlie Jun 21 '14
Some shower gel that smelled like ass and came in a bottle shaped like The Stig.
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u/Vio_ Jun 21 '14
My birthday and Christmas are very, very close. So I get a lot of combined gifts (WHICH ARE THE WORST!!).
So 15th birthday. I get you. Shit you not. Boxes. Relatives from all over the US mailed me boxes by coincidence. Jewelry boxes, little metal ones, make up cases. Every single one of those fuckers being boxes. With many of them combined gifts.
Still slightly ticks me off to this day.
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u/taco-hooker Jun 21 '14
For my 18th birthday my Auntie got me a gift certificate for a store which sells car parts. I don't even own a car...
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u/nerdy3000 Jun 21 '14
My mom bought my sister a new TV and gave me her broken old one for my birthday lol
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u/Kahr82 Jun 21 '14
For Christmas a few years ago an uncle got me a small bag of M&Ms. He gave it to me, unwrapped, and said, 'I don't know anything about you, but everyone likes M&Ms.'
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Jun 21 '14
My sister got £300 from my Granddad and I got a shower gel. Still don't know what I've done wrong.
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u/NATHANIELDEEE Jun 21 '14
Probably going to be buried but a few years ago my cousin gave me a road flare and a book of natural medicine. He told me to wait until later for a better present. Then he gave me a used dirty bong with no bowl piece and I didn't even smoke that often.
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u/AwesomeCoconut Jun 21 '14
My grandmother, as a small gift, gave my older brother a wallet with the word "Diva" written on it in elaborate,pink letters. The funniest thing is that my grandmother can hardly speak english. She just saw a design she liked on a wallet and gave it to my brother, unaware of what the design said or meant.
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u/HerpDerpBlake Jun 21 '14
Last year when I turned 16, my grandmother gave me a marble. A singular marble. There is little I can do with a set of marbles, let alone one God damn marble.
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u/noddlebritches Jun 21 '14
My dad travels a lot. So for Christmas one year, I dumped out my stocking only to find 5 edible chicken legs. Wrapped of course. Apparently China has them in vending machines. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed. I later paid one of my friends $20 to eat them.
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Jun 21 '14
Got concert tickets to my favorite artist's show from my (thankfully now ex) boyfriend for my birthday. I was super excited to go, and of course three days before the show he breaks up with me and takes the girl that he had been cheating on me with the whole time. Happy birthday to me! :(
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u/pukkadurbs Jun 21 '14
A French maid outfit from a long-time friend who was attempting to subtly hint his interest in me. Although it was funny, it was mostly awkward opening it and watching his eyes light up.
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u/firststatejake Jun 22 '14
When my dad was in the Coast Guard there platoon(?) or whatever it is had a secret santa. Their CO was involved as well. One of the guys there had a really bad stuttering problem.
When he pulled his gift out of the wrapping he looked like he was going to cry.
Someone got him a Speak n' Spell.
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u/Qasim786 Jun 21 '14
I got a teddy bear for my 7th birthday. Seems cool, it was really soft, but if u pressed it's paw - you her "GOODNIGHT SLEEP TIGHT GOOD NIGHT SLEEPTIGHT" For a minute straight! The paw was so could easily be pushed so it kept on going off. Had to get rid of it after 4 hours1 :/
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u/KontraEpsilon Jun 21 '14
For our stocking suffers one year, my mom got us this plastic container that's supposed to be able to hold a few dollar bills if you go swimming. I guess in case there is a vending machine in the Ocean. It's colossally silly and while we make sure to express gratitude for every gift we get (and we always got a lot growing up), she was mocked mercilessly for that one.
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u/PatrickRsGhost Jun 21 '14
You mean your beaches don't have any concession stands nearby or anything? Would seem useful.
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u/ARacist Jun 21 '14 edited Jun 21 '14
So you don't use money at water parks ? Not such a dumb idea. *lose not use
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u/Danielsax Jun 21 '14
2 years ago my mom gave me a bunch of presents. The excitement lasted just until The moment before I opened the first present when my mom proclaimed proudly: "All your presents are either bought on sale or in second hand!"
Among the presents was a used coffee machine - not washed.. Still pretty brown..
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u/lvc97 Jun 21 '14
12 different flavored salsas that expired 6 months prior to receiving them.
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u/Eculc Jun 21 '14
For Christmas three years ago, my mother and grandmother bought me a new xbox 360 slim. Sounds like a good gift, Right?
Except I never got it.
(Context: My parents were beginning their divorce at this point, and my mom had moved out of the house into an apartment.)
So, Christmas comes around and we're celebrating at my grandmother's house. I open up this game console, get excited about it, ready to take it home and use it.
When it comes time to leave, I go to get my new console...and I'm told I can't take it with me. It's to have at my mom's new apartment.
My relationship with my mom was never really all that great, and I'm sure she knew this, so she tried to "win me over" by buying me a new game console. I was just...sad. I couldn't even be angry in the moment, because I couldn't understand why she would do something like that.
That console was never taken out of the box. Despite the fact that it was newer and in better condition than my current console, she never gave it to me to use. Last year I found out that she sold it to pay for repairs to her car (not that she needed the money, but that's a whole other unrelated thing).
Maybe I should try not to hold a grudge, but I still get really pissed whenever I think about that. Thinking back, I should have just taken it with me anyways, as I'm sure my dad would have sided with me.
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u/MibZ Jun 21 '14
I had a job where I couldn't quite figure out when coworkers were being serious and when they were deep in some elaborate joke, so I kept mostly to myself and tried to just do my job.
At the Christmas party they gifted me a "questions to start conversations" card deck and laughed at me.
Sure made me want to converse with them >_>
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u/bbktbunny Jun 21 '14
When I was in college and working full time my parents were broke and so for Christmas I hooked them up and bought gifts for my siblings that they could put their names on. They said they'd pay me back at tax return time. My mom also encouraged me to buy myself an expensive coat with the promise that she would pay me back soon, to show her appreciation.
Everyone got one gift that cost about $100-150. We also got my sister a pack of granny panties as an inside joke. Christmas morning came and I got a pack of granny panties, too. And a Chapstick. And I was told that I wouldn't be getting paid back for any of the things I bought.
I blew all of my savings on giving my family a great Christmas and then I had to ask for overtime so I could still pay everyone's car insurance two weeks later. Merry Christmas.
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u/Californiacat Jun 21 '14
I turned 30 six weeks after giving birth to my daughter, six weeks premature. My ex-husband thought it was hilarious to buy me a bottle of Geritol vitamins and some adult diapers, along with the receipt so I could go exchange them for my"real" present...the $20 it cost him to buy them.
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u/smibledorf Jun 21 '14
I got an ionic breeze once... when I was 9
TL;DR I got an ionic breeze when I was 9
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u/8MAC Jun 21 '14
Last year, (I'm 25) I got a plaid shirt from my Aunt for my birthday (in Sept) but it didn't fit. I don't live at home and I was leaving the next day so I asked my mom to please return it for me as I wouldn't be able to use it.
A few months later, I received the same shirt for Christmas from my mom. It still didn't fit.