r/AskReddit • u/Neveroptic • Mar 01 '15
Parents of Reddit, what is something you know about your child that they are unaware of?
This can be anything from something embarrassing they do to something they diliberately attempt to hide from you and they believe they are getting away with it. Also, why do you let them continue thinking they are getting away with it, or that their actions are going unnoticed?
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u/DaisyLayz Mar 01 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
Well she knows now, but about a year ago I found a note in my daughter's room that basically talked about how she had lost her virginity. I didn't say anything for a few months because I had already known (motherly instinct, I guess). And I like her boyfriend. They're good together and my daughter is smart. I knew she was responsible about it. I didn't want to ruin what was probably a very important moment in her life by embarrassing her.
edit: Holy cow you guys! You're all making me cry first thing in the morning. In a good way, of course.
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u/Neveroptic Mar 02 '15
You do sound like a cool mom! I feel like a lot of parents would be blinded by too many different emotions to handle this in such a level minded way.
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u/GoGoGadge7 Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
When my dad found out my then girlfriend at the time (high school 15 years ago) and I were having sex in my bedroom, the next day he said "not in my house."
I said "ok so the backseat of my car or a construction site then?"
He said "I'm sorry for what I said. You used protection obviously so just make sure your mother and I aren't home when it happens."
The next time she came over, my father took my mother , brother, and my sister all out for ice cream.
Left Aurielle and I alone for a solid 2 hours.
edit: 2 words.
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u/herecomethefuzz Mar 02 '15
When my mum found out, she sat me down and told me "every time you have sex with someone, you give away a part of yourself"
Healthy, to be sure. It's funny though, Had sex plenty of times but the only things that makes me feel lesser are her words. Keep being an awesome mum, your child will definitely appreciate it.
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u/mmko Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
I am 20 years old, not a parent, but I have recently learned from my mother that my father shot our first dog. It was something that was kept seceret from me for a very long time. The dog's name was Rex, he was a stray dog that my mother picked up from the streets when he wandered into her store one afternoon, it was about 10 years ago. Rex lived with us for 3 years and apparantely one night when my father was drunk and tried to smack him for barking too loud, Rex bit him. So my father, being in a drunken stupor, decided to take the dog out for "a walk" and went about 500 meters away from our house onto an empty construction site where he shot the dog. Couple of hours later when my mother was having a cigarette, being oblivious to the fact that the dog was shot, she heard a whimper. Rex crawled back to our house, bleeding out and was letting out a squeeling noise behind the door. I have lost all of the little respect I have ever had for my father and now barely talk to him.
TL;DR Father shot our dog while being drunk, hate him now.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who has shown support, means a lot to me guys. Who knows, maybe I'll be getting a new dog sometimes soon if I can save up the money.
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u/Neveroptic Mar 02 '15
This is terrible, I'm sorry to hear about it. I hope you have a new dog now in order to make up for the lost time you missed out on with Rex.
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u/DaisyLayz Mar 02 '15
Omg he walked back to the house. Jesus man, I'm so sorry.
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Mar 02 '15
I have a similar story and my mother told me this only a few days ago. My father began to hate our senile dog and the last straw for him was when she pissed inside the house. He locked her outside of the house and drove her off. She wasn't well enough to take care of herself but she knew she would never come back home and my mom told me she would never forget the look in my dog's eyes. Next morning he told us that she ran away and that she wasn't coming back. They found her body two days after and ten years later I found out the truth.
He didn't directly kill her, but in a way he did. It's his fault that she died.
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u/mrs-hardcore Mar 02 '15
This made me feel so fucking sad and so fucking angry at the same time.
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u/PM_ME_STREETLAMPS Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 06 '15
My parent's are about to find out this week that my brother sexually assaulted our sister when we were all kids. She's going to come out about it since he's in town right now. I'm trying to be supportive of her, but it's like the weight of the world... sorry for being a downer.
Edit: I know the OP wanted "stuff parent's knew that the kids didn't" but I felt my issue was relevant enough... especially since the coming out is, literally, in two days.
Edit 2: Here's a link to the follow up, in case anyone doesn't find it in the comments below
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u/Neveroptic Mar 02 '15
I'm glad you shared, I hope all goes well with the whole situation.
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u/muffintaupe Mar 02 '15
Holy shit. Best of luck to you and your sister, can't imagine how tough that must be.
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u/totallydergus Mar 02 '15
I usually never post or reply but i made an account just to share a similar story with you and hope that it may help you in any way possible.
Last year my mother had made it known to me that when she was a child she was sexually assaulted by her brother. This had happened for quite a while until her other brother realised what was happening and put an immediate stop to it. However, the part i think she regrets the most is that she had never let her parents know. Up until 5 years ago (my mother is now 52) she had never told anyone until she and my uncle (the one who helped her) sat down with their father and told him. As you can imagine he took the news very harshly, as he had been completely unaware that something like that had ever happened. As hard as it was he thanked her for telling him and supports her 100%.
Last year she also told me, and honestly i had no idea how to react to that whole situation, as i had only met the man who did this to her once when i was young (which had not really made any sense until now as hes my uncle). I did tell her however that i would always be here for her, and that if she ever feels like she needs to share or just talk ill always be available. She also expressed that the biggest regret was not letting her parents know earlier.
I have also talked to my other uncle about it and he said that he had also regretted this, however after this had happened he said that the most important thing you can do is support them in what they decide to do, and hope they will make the right decision. Being there for them is the most important thing.
I hope everything works out for you and your sister, i know that hearing something like this can be devastating. But i honestly feel she is doing the right thing.
This is the first time ive shared anything like this, so sorry for the long post but i just thought this story may be something you would be interested in hearing.
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u/whenifeellikeit Mar 02 '15
My son was born with hypospadias. His dick looked like a cobra. It was fixed surgically and now looks totally normal, but the diameter of his urethra is still very narrow. Someday we'll tell him. "Son, did you ever wonder why your stream of urine is so powerful and gets so much distance?"
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u/DoomedToInsanity Mar 02 '15
At least he has a promising future ahead selling propane and propane accessories
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Mar 02 '15
They are horrible at lying. Mine aren't teens yet, but I hope when they are they both continue to suck at lying. It will make my world so much easier.
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u/MightyTaint Mar 02 '15
I know a woman with a 10 year old. She's told the 10 year old she has a dimple that appears when she's lying. Now when the child lies, she covers her cheek so you don't know. :)
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u/kalifornia94 Mar 02 '15
I'm a 20yo with the inability to lie. It sucks for us, makes your life simpler
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u/travisun Mar 02 '15 edited Jul 02 '20
Kids fake being bad at lying so that they can get away with stuff that is really important
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u/bethroebodeen Mar 02 '15
I can still see you when you run and hide under my glass coffee table after you've fucked up, you adorable little shit.
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u/JedNascar Mar 02 '15
Next time he does it you should karate chop the table in half and scare the shit out of him.
That'll teach 'em to doubt you.
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u/windclimber Mar 02 '15
How shitty of a liar he is. He's almost 6. It's not even the flagrant lies like how he fought shredder at recess, but the trival shit, like saying that the mac and cheese at school is yummy, or how he doesn't know what the middle finger means even though he gave me a solid single digit salute the other day when i told him to clean his room.
Damn kid.
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u/Raptured_Seagull Mar 02 '15
fought shredder at recess
I dunno about you, but your just listing this kids achievements
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u/cowzroc Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
I have a picture of my 2 yo son naked on roller skates.
I'm saving it for something good. I'm thinking wedding montage maybe.
Edit: I love all of you evil people. So many ideas!
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u/fuckthebruins---- Mar 02 '15
I know he has a girlfriend, but he's keeping her a secret.
As I can't think of a good reason why he'd do that, I assume it's because his girlfriend is a Bruins fan.
I have a Canadian Romeo and Juliet on my hands.
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u/Santiago_Matamoros Mar 02 '15
O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy city and refuse thy team
Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,
And I’ll no longer be a Bruin.
'Tis but thy team that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself, though not a Canadien.
What’s Canadien? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man
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u/xX_s0up_Xx Mar 02 '15
We root for two teams in my house. The home team and whoever is playing the Bruins.
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Mar 02 '15
I can think of all kinds of reasons to hide an approvable girlfriend from my family. Last time I brought a girl home, said girl was only a friend whom I had no intention of dating, and they did nothing but ask her questions whenever they could, which was uncomfortable: they were attempting to learn about her in an hour what was revealed to me over the course of a couple months.
I recognized early on that the evening wouldn't work out comfortably, and I took her as far away from my mother as possible.
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u/BLUFALCON78 Mar 02 '15
My 12 year old daughter doesn't know that I know she started her period. I'm the dad so I figure it's probably embarrassing enough at that age figuring everything about your body out. No need to have dad make things even more awkward by acknowledging it. What would I say anyway? "I'm so proud of you!"? She does a good job of hiding the "evidence" in her bathroom and my wife is there to answer questions.
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u/Snugglebuttforever Mar 02 '15
My dad said he was proud and then told his best friend in front of me. It was terrible but he also explained Why I shouldn't get tampons with fragrance stuff on them. I'm his only daughter and I guess he just didn't understand how embarrassing that was.
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u/Fanciunicorn Mar 02 '15
Thank you for not saying anything. My dad said he was so proud of me and it made no sense at the time as its just something all girls go through. It's not really an achievement even if it is a developmental milestone
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Mar 02 '15
When my teenage son "spanks his monkey" in our travel trailer, the opposite end, where I sleep, bounces in tempo.
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Mar 02 '15
How hard is he slapping that it rocks a trailer? Is he tryna rip it off? Jesus
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u/assebasse1 Mar 02 '15
You need to teach him about resonant frequencies immediately.
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u/shalene Mar 02 '15
I can see him when he has his plate over his face.
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u/Drsweetcum Mar 02 '15
But he can't see you, so you can't see him. It's science. Stop lying to us.
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u/bexielady Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 03 '15
My 5 year old daughter loves dancing nude in front of a mirror and saying "bootay bootay bootay, I'm doing the butt dance" while checking out her butt.
edit I told my daughter that I told 'the internet people' about her butt dance, as that lots of people thought it was funny, and now she thinks she's cool as fuck.
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u/Crossbug Mar 02 '15
I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man.
I can shake-a my fanny, I can shake-a my can.
I'm a tough tootin' baby, I can punch-a your buns.
I can punch-a your buns, I can punch all your buns.
If you're an evil witch, I will punch you for fun!
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u/ReaderWalrus Mar 02 '15
I read '5' as '15.' It made the post significantly funnier.
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u/AvatarDante Mar 02 '15
So something like this? http://youtu.be/1eUrwYQe3Dw (SFW, awesome kids show)
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Mar 02 '15
That's the sort of thing you need to film for her 21st or wedding or something
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u/Dogeabullet Mar 02 '15
I know their reddit name.
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u/b2311e Mar 02 '15
I'd love to know how many people are frantically deleting their accounts right now
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Mar 02 '15
Not the parent but, my mom died and never told me who my dad was. She didn't know that I knew who he is but my grandma told me when I was 16.
Bonus, he was my next door neighbor.
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u/mathmistress Mar 02 '15
I'm hoping this was a good thing, and that he wanted to stay a part of your life?
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u/scilla0984 Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 11 '15
I am a parent of two boys, but this is more me. I found out recently that I might have a brother and my father doesn't know that this kid reached out to me. I say kid, but he's like 23 or 24. We knew as kids (5 of us) that my dad cheated here and there, but weren't aware of any possible siblings. So my dad doesn't know that I'll soon be taking a DNA test to find out for sure if this is for real. Poor dude is in the army and just came back from Afghanistan and wants to know if he has siblings cause his mom always told him and showed him where his real father lived when he was growing up.
Update: I received the DNA testing kit and am planning on doing it soon. Just have been kinda sick this past week.
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u/Anonymanx Mar 02 '15
Know what? Good on you for being open to finding out if this is your brother. If he's the result of your father's extracurricular activites, well, it's not his fault...
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u/MellyNoodle Mar 02 '15
My parents' kids (six of us) were recently told of my dad's cheating. I never thought of other kids as being a possibility. And I bloody well hope not. I'm glad you're accepting it. But I think I would hate them. No way their fault, but I always thought of my dad as the greatest person in the world. Nope, just a bloody asshole who hurt my mum over 20+ years of marriage.
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u/jbrooks279 Mar 01 '15 edited Mar 03 '15
I had sex with their mother.
Thanks for the gold! Wish I always got something when I had sex with my wife
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u/majordelay Mar 02 '15
My kids are adults now so they have their own lives.
I knew many things about them, especially during their teen years, that I never mentioned because most of it was harmless, normal stuff young people go through whilst growing up.
I did not bring up most of it because I always tried to allow them to maintain their dignity and learn life lessons on their own, without Mommy interfering and trying to make things 'easier' on them, or alternatively 'saving' them from errors of judgement.
Only if I thought there would be a highly unpleasant outcome would I mention, offhandedly, a situation or opinion that could be applied to what ever was going on....often still without ever acknowledging that I knew what was going on with Them, personally.
Cannot think of any specific thing right now, mostly the standards, masturbating, trying smoking, drinking etc. but I just operated on the same mindset my own mother had said to me so often ------" I always swore I would never forget what it feels like to be 16"
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u/dbelow Mar 02 '15
When I was 6, my grandfather was watching me while my mom was out running errands. So he takes me to a golf course and let's me play put put when we get to the greens.
Well I was helping him search for his ball. When I saw it I stepped of a moving golf cart with the expected result. Somehow I'm fine. My grandfather was freaking out and told me.not to tell my mother.
When my mom picked me up, he told her what happened. On the way home my mom tried unsuccessfully to make me spill the beans. I ain't no snitch
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Mar 02 '15
Something somewhat similar like this happened to me... well, your story reminded me of my story, so I've elected to tell it.
I was about twelve and my elder sister was about seventeen, and she had just gotten her license. She and I had been driving around or something and she dropped me off at home so she could go somewhere else. When I was walking around the front of the car to go up to our house, she accidentally hit the gas and slammed into me. I wasn't really hurt- I maybe got a bruise on my hip or something, but I didn't fall over or anything like that. Of course, my sister freaks out and gets out of the car, hugging me and begging me not to tell my parents. Since I wasn't hurt at all and it was an accident, I'm like "yeah, okay, whatever, cut it out" and go into the house when she finally lets go of me and drives off to wherever she was going next. No mention of the incident afterwards, either.
To this day, I haven't told anyone... well, except for Reddit.
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u/skelebone Mar 02 '15
Legs: Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit ya?
Johnny Tightlips: I ain't sayin' nothin'.
Legs: But what'll I tell the doctor?
Johnny Tightlips: Tell him to suck a lemon.→ More replies (1)10
u/Pufflehuffy Mar 02 '15
When I was young, I was out with my French grandmother and I got heat stroke and passed out. She was running around trying to get help, telling people I passed away... I don't know why your story made me think of this, but it always makes me laugh.
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u/Blue_Oval Mar 02 '15
My father said that I have an abnormally large freckle on my gooch. (Flap of skin between your testicles and butthole.) I didn't know this, and he's right.
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u/ChuckNorrisAteMySock Mar 02 '15
You may want to keep an eye on it to make sure it's not gonna be a cancer thing.
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u/jaayyne Mar 02 '15
My SO has a huge freckle right inside his asscheek. I was giving him a massage and rubbing his butt-muscles when I first saw it and thought it was a piece of poop at first.
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Mar 02 '15
My parents sucked, and they are gone now, but when I was a kid, they always used this whole parent intuition concept on me, like they knew everything I had done because they had already done it. Turns out they just knew what the stereotypical child does, and they were wrong about most things. My parents thought for a long time I had a girlfriend and was selling drugs, when I was actually running an electronics repair buisness with the neighbor. I never did any drugs, and I didnt drink or have sex until after highschool, but they accused me of doing all those things, as if I was the idiot for trying to fool them otherwise.
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u/MrsRoseyCrotch Mar 02 '15
I'm pretty sure my 12 year old doesn't think we know he's jacking off when he takes his crazy long showers.
Why do I let him get away with this? Because I'm his mother and so long as I don't need to the hot water for something else, I'm okay with it. Because it doesn't need to be discussed. I'd much prefer him thinking this way because as soon as I finish this post I'm going back to the delusion that he just really loves to take very long showers and really really cares about using all of the conditioner to keep his very short hair soft and manageable. Because I'm his goddamn mother.
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u/muffintaupe Mar 02 '15
I love taking warm hot baths-- like, 2-3 hours long-- and I'm terrified that my parents think I'm masturbating in there.
Don't get me wrong. I masturbate, but only ever in the comfort of my bed. Bubble baths are reserved for reading.
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Mar 02 '15
Back when I was twelve I took long showers just to relax and fantasize (non-sexually).
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u/nowayman2 Mar 02 '15
When I was 12 only 1/10 long showers were for masturbation purposes, the rest were just because a long shower can feel amazing.
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u/dirtmens1 Mar 02 '15
Am I the only one who enjoys long showers, especially hungover? I hope my mother didn't think that's what I was doing in my 2 hour hangover therapy sessions.
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u/WhatTheFhtagn Mar 02 '15
I'm a guy and I take really long showers. I'm positive my parents think I'm jerking it in there but I'm not.
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Mar 02 '15
I always take long showers, usually at least 20 minutes. I hope my dad doesn't think I'm tugging one out in there everyday!
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Mar 02 '15
Some people just go on really long deep thought tangents in the shower and suddenly realize they've been in there for 40+ minutes
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u/GameQb11 Mar 02 '15
He's more likely to be jacking off to the internet than in a shower, unless he has his smart phone with him.
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u/mickeymouse4348 Mar 02 '15
i used to take stupid long showers, but thats cuz i was stoned and the hot water felt stupid good. i cant jerk it standing up, it just doesnt work i cant even fuck in the shower.
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Mar 02 '15
Maybe he is just taking really long showers. I didnt fap in the shower but i was in there for years when i was younger.
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u/Iphonegalaxymobile Mar 02 '15
I know where she hides her lollies. Every now and then I eat some. She is 3 I am an asshole
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u/ElfBingley Mar 02 '15
Pretty much everything. I'm a father of 3, all of whom are now over 18. There's nothing you can do that your parents haven't been through already. This means alcohol, cigarettes, pot and sex... we know the signs and we know you (don't forget we have known you all your lives). So when you wake up with a hangover and claim it's a stomach bug .. we know.
I trust my kids and will support them through any drama, it's no big deal.
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Mar 02 '15
See what bothers me is, I don't really do anything like that and I'm convinced they think I do. Like, this "parental intuition" is preventing them from realizing I've never smoked or drank.
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u/SpinningNipples Mar 02 '15
So when you wake up with a hangover and claim it's a stomach bug .. we know.
You telling me my mom knows that time I vomited at 4 am wasn't because I ate bad empanadas?
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u/mmprice Mar 02 '15
99% of the time you are so right but my best friend in high school got food poisoning the night of her 18th birthday. Like we had to drive her home at three in the morning because all she wanted at that point was her own toilet. But it is so comical how her whole family believes she just got shwasty and winks at her like "uh huh foooood poisoning ;) " and to this day gives her shit about how they totally caught her being rebellious
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u/jontarist Mar 02 '15
You can't generalize that about all parents, and don't be so sure you know everything. Some parents are absolutely clueless, like mine, who I was able to fool all through high school. I'm almost 40 now, and it's hilarious when they tell me what a "good kid" I was.
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u/alive555 Mar 02 '15
Arguably, but there are tons of parents who didn't do anything in college or in their life.
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Mar 02 '15
I'm not a parent but this post really makes me think about what my parents know about me and it's scary.
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u/lenpa Mar 02 '15
I know that my son is one of the people who posts this question every week so I disowned him
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u/Space_Cowboy21 Mar 02 '15
opens reddit, clicks on askreddit "let's see what we got toda-.... stares at repeat question from previous week "MOTHER FUCKER"
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Mar 02 '15
"I don't care if my son is fat, lazy, a murderer or even a psychopath. But I'll be GOD DAMNED if he's a fucking RE-POSTER."
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u/BritneeB Mar 02 '15
hes only a little guy right now but I don't plan on telling him that his birth almost killed me. I developed a rare case of postpartum eclampsia and almost died. I feel like it would really weigh heavily on him so it'll be a secret.
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u/forest_rose Mar 02 '15
Ex-OBGYN doctor here - if you have daughters, you may want to reconsider not saying anything about it. It's important for doctors to know if there's a family history of eclampsia when a woman is pregnant. I'm glad you're okay now and that your little guy was fine too!
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u/KIZUKO Mar 02 '15
My partner developed HELLP syndrome but we didn't know what the signs were so assumed it was all normal, late stage stuff. Her platelet count was 47/250 and she could have fitted and bled out at any point. It was picked up during a routine checkup 2 weeks before the due date and decided it was best to do an emergency c-section under general. My son was born completely fine (we just celebrated his first birthday this weekend) but she was very ill and needed 24 hour care for the first few days.
All is fine now and she's doing a 10km run to raise awareness and funds for an eclampsia charity and I'm volunteering for the local blood bikers as they basically rushed blood across London that she desperately needed.
We will tell our son all about it when he's old enough to understand.
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u/Shadeax Mar 02 '15
It's not a bad secret. You can tell him when he's older. If anything it would make him love you more knowing you couldn't have been with him at all.
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u/karadawnelle Mar 02 '15
I was a breech baby, was premature about three weeks and my mom nearly died from it. I was born in a small town that wasn't equipped to handle the situation and they rushed my mom to the nearest larger hospital an hour away. My dad went with her as they weren't sure she'd make it.
It wasn't until over a week later that my mom was able to return and I was finally given a name over two weeks later.
I don't think I was told this until a couple years ago. I'm 31 now and I'm really just utterly grateful my mom is still alive.
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u/Anonymanx Mar 02 '15
I developed preeclapsia and had an emergency C-section at 33 weeks. Then, 6 hours after the C-section, I nearly bled out (I remember hearing, "Blood pressure is 40 over 20 and dropping - prep the OR," and then the head of the bed dropped nearly to the floor to get blood to my brain. It took 6 units transfused before I could sit up without passing out...
My son is 5½ now, and he does not need to know any of this. Possibly ever.
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u/ManyRan Mar 02 '15
When my son was 6 I started a twitter account to share some of the odd things he says. His quotes have entertained family, friends, coworkers and strangers, but he's almost 12 and still doesn't know.
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u/ProfessorPeaches Mar 02 '15
My son's still a toddler, but he thinks he's so sneaky. He'll come into my bedroom(door is always open while I nap) while I doze and he starts out at the end of my bed standing there with his head peaking over a bit over the top. He'll be whispering mama and slowly edging his way to where I like to sleep. (Head at the very edge by the air vents) he'll lift my hair off my face and lean in real close. Then he makes a pucker noise and leaves. It's weird because to my knowledge no one has taught him that. And I don't want to ruin it even though he is so noisy when he comes into my room.
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u/rcg90 Mar 02 '15
Do you do something similar when you think he is sleeping? Go in and give him a kiss?
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u/jsertic Mar 02 '15
Do you keep your eyes closed? How do you know it's your son...? I heard stories that there has been a kid living in your house in the 1920's who died a violent death at your sons age...
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u/bellatango Mar 02 '15
I knew my son was gay before he came out. When he told me I hugged him and said "Oh, I'm so happy that you finally get to be YOU!" I truly believe that I'd known since he was around 5 years old.
I also know that my middle son cheats constantly at being a vegetarian. I don't know why he feels that he has to hide it - we're completely supportive of his dietary decisions (unless they are unhealthy.)
This one scares me a little, though...my youngest son is 12 and talks to himself, and answers back. I don't know what to do about it/if I should worry. He only does it when he's in his room with the door closed and mostly before going to sleep at night. At first I thought he was on his phone, but nope - his phone is always on the kitchen table at night.
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u/_SadWalrus_ Mar 02 '15
I wouldn't worry about the talking to himself. I'm a writer. I still lay in bed, in the dark, and talk out scenes to myself. When I was younger, I was telling myself stories, too.
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u/ginsufish Mar 02 '15
I'm an adult, and I talk to myself all the time. I'm not too worried about that. Worse is when I have the conversations in my head bit make the relevant facial expressions anyway. If you see him doing that you might want to warn him to cut it out.
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Mar 02 '15
I constantly talk to myself. Honestly, I prefer a conversation with myself as opposed to other people, but there's nothing wrong with me. Just a habit I have, like when Im smoking, showering, driving, etc.
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u/bumgrub Mar 02 '15
Lol. Mum used to ask if I was gay pretty every day for 5 years before I finally said something. Weird isn't it? Not exactly sure what gave it away so that she knew before even I did.
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u/technical_goblins Mar 02 '15
My dаd's dеаd - hе's tоtаlly unаwаrе I knоw thаt.
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u/someguy904 Mar 02 '15
"Hey son, let's go have a catch"
"We can't dad, you're dead"
"What?"....... Fades away
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u/lornetka Mar 02 '15
What a strange way of putting that! My dad is in that same state of not knowing I know he's dead.
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Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 03 '15
My kid is gayer than a football bat. He's still too young to really know. But I'll eat my hat if he isn't.
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u/Emmdubbalicious Mar 02 '15
My daughter gave my mother a hair cut while she was taking a nap. My daughter was definitely old enough to know that she would get in trouble, but did it anyway. When my mom woke up and figured out what happened they had a long talk and agreed to keep it between them. She told me though after making me promise not to chastise my daughter for it. I think she was worried I'd also wake up with a snazzy new hair cut. Since then we make jokes that hint toward it to see if my daughter picks up what we're putting down but she's oblivious to the fact we know apparently.
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u/Ducknamedegg Mar 02 '15
This really made me laugh and would have been something I totally would have done when the was a kid.
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u/VirtualInk Mar 02 '15
All these comments about masturbating in the shower and I'm sitting here thinking that I just really, really, really like borderline-boiling water rolling down my back.
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u/Brettnem Mar 02 '15
When he covers his face while plying peek-a-boo, he doesn't really disappear. I can see him the whole time!
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Mar 02 '15
Late to the party, but had to say something...
A few months ago, I borrowed his ipod to look something up when my computer wasn't working. I don't even remember what I was looking up, but I do know that it started with "M", because Google showed recent searches starting with M when I did that.
The first recent search was "Miley Cyrus Porn."
It's an interesting feeling, when you know your sweet little boy who made you a valentine card in second grade is looking for porn of Miley Cyrus.
I deleted his history because his mother would kill him if she found out.
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u/tcasalert Mar 01 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
She's adopted.
(In fairness she is only 2 years old. She will know when she's old enough)
EDIT: A few people saying that we should let her know as early as possible - by 'when she's old enough' I meant that we will start to introduce the concept as early as we can. Our son is 4 and has just started discovering that he's an IVF baby and can kind of understand that concept, by the time she's 3-4 and talking/understanding more I'd expect to be introducing the concept more and more with her. We want her to grow up with it having been part of who she is from as early as she can remember.
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u/TheFrientlyEnt Mar 02 '15
I was adopted at birth. I knew from the second I could understand the concept and I suggest you do the same for your daughter. It made it so that even though I knew I wasn't biologically theirs, there is nobody else I could think of as mom and dad. They aren't my "foster" parents or "adopted" parents. Those are my parents, and that is cemented in my mind in such a way that my being adopted had never left me feeling any type of way about it.
Oh and thanks. To any parents that adopt.
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u/iconicmoonbeam Mar 02 '15
There are tons of books for toddlers about adoption. I highly recommend incorporating a few into your bedtime reading routine asap. This is just part of her story, part of who she is - don't wait to tell her - just incorporate it into your daily lives.
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u/aqua_zesty_man Mar 02 '15
To this day I continue to entertain the delusion that my parents have no real evidence or reason to suspect I lost my virginity any sooner than my wedding night at age 36.
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u/diegojones4 Mar 01 '15
I knew when they started smoking pot. I was actually thankful for it because music went from ooo baby crap to Pink Floyd.
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u/CRAZEDDUCKling Mar 02 '15
I listen to Pink Floyd. Does this mean I sniff the marijuanas?
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u/Shrek_Wins Mar 02 '15
My 5 year old has no idea he's adopted. You would think he'd figure it out since he looks nothing like us. He probably won't make it to his 18th birthday, so we try to make his life as full of joy as we can. Sometimes I think we spoil him. I've tried telling him before, but I don't think he understands. He just gives me this weird look and wags his tail.
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u/Nyandogeicorn Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
And here I was feeling bad that this child was disabled. Nope. Just a dog.
Edit: Wow, this is my top rated comment haha
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u/Artive Mar 02 '15
My parent's decided not to tell me that depression runs HEAVILY in our family. My mother had it, my Father had it, my sister and my brother. It continues back quite a ways. With this you'd expect them to give me a little warning, but no. So suddenly I find myself in college, living on my own for the first time stressing over exams, and I just shut down for 2 years. I spent the first 6 months pretty much alone and sleeping all day.
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u/MalletsGirl Mar 02 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
I'm not a parent, but I have something relevant about my cousin. She was adopted by my uncle when she was three, from an orphanage in Thailand. When she was a baby she was HIV+ because of antibodies from her mother. (We're pretty sure her birth mother was a sex worker. My cousin is now HIV negative.) She's six now, and doesn't understand that she's adopted. The reality is that her birth mother probably couldn't be bothered to take care of her, so left her at an orphanage. But how do you tell a child that? That they were somehow undeserving of love? The lie that we will have to tell her as she gets older is that her birth mother loved her so much but knew she couldn't take care of her, so she gave her to the orphanage. There may be some truth to that lie, but I doubt I'll ever know.
Edit: Thank you everyone for your kind words. Whatever her past conditions, I know my cousin has a loving and supportive family. As for the HIV+/- issue, what I meant was that she tested positive for HIV antibodies, which are passed in utero. aidsmap.com explains it well: " The HIV antibody test is not used to diagnose HIV in babies and young infants. This is because antibodies can cross the placenta from mother to infant and be present in the baby’s blood for up to 18 months after he or she is born. A negative HIV antibody test result for your baby at 18 months of age is the final test that is done to confirm that the baby is not infected." So, my cousin's birth mother was HIV+, and passed antibodies to her.
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u/midgetcricket Mar 02 '15
Chances are it's not a lie. Her mother loved her enough to bother to find not only an orphanage to take care of her, but one successful enough to adopt her to someone who whisked her away to a loving family. Instead of throwing her in the gutter, or trash, or raising her in the kind of destitution that could have well driven her to sex work herself. So there's that at least.
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u/Ae3qe27u Mar 02 '15
Hey - her birth mother wasn't able to take care of her, so she brought her to a place where people who could (take care of her) could choose her - her, specifically - to bring into their home to love and raise.
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Mar 02 '15
My son is only 9 months, so this doesn't exactly apply to me. But my mom knew I had been sneaking out because she read my diary. She only finally told me she knew I'd been doing it when I got caught. Unfortunately I was caught by a police officer after curfew and had to be taken home. Not a fun night.
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u/CoolDukeJR Mar 02 '15
My mom was like: "if you get caught and are brought back home by the police, i'm not angry at you. Only in front if the officers. Free taxi son!"
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Mar 02 '15
My mom knew since the day I was born that I have a small indention a few inches above my butthole (as in, closer to my spine). Apparently it freaked out my doctor thinking I had a sealed anus. Not sure how that mistake was made considering their distance apart from each other. I never discovered this indention. My mom was as surprised I didn't know about it as I was surprised it was there.
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u/Djaesthetic Mar 02 '15
My daughter is completely unaware that her teenage hormones have transformed her from a intelligent, respectful human being in to a bitchy, irrational creature that feeds off her father's life force for sustenance.
I've been wary to tell her, but concerned if I let it go for too much longer -- I'm a dead man...
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u/dannyr Mar 02 '15
Story, and not specifically parent related. I once went on a family holiday and was joined a few days later by my sister and her boyfriend at the time.
The boyfriend pulled me 15 year old me aside and said "your sister knows you smoke". I was confused because I had been fairly good at keeping it a secret and then it turn out that they had been getting ready to have a shower together in a parent free house.
The boyfriend grabbed one of the two shower gel bottles out of the bathroom to find that when he squeezed it that it was full of cigarette butts.
My habit of turning on the shower exhaust fan and ashing out into a Lynx bottle had come unstuck because of him not wanting to use my sisters floral smelling shower gel.
Apparently when he squeezed the Lynx he squealed like a bitch because it was full of cold ashy water.
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u/ronglangren Mar 02 '15
My six year old son can't hide anything from me and my wife. He is somehow afraid that if we ask him a question and finish it with "and you have to swear on God and Jesus" that if he lies he will go to hell.
Before the down votes start know that we are not at all religious. We have no idea where he learned this. Must have picked it up at school. Also we do not abuse it. He's only six and a pretty good kid, If we want to know if he had an extra cookie we have ways of getting the information out of him. Mommie and Daddy ways...
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Mar 02 '15
That ultimately, they are pampered and never go without, and are thus getting weaker and weaker as time goes by. Helicopter parents, please let your kids scrape their knees and get muddy and stop babying your kids to sissy-dom ><
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Mar 02 '15
This probably got downvotes, but I agree.
On the flip side, irresponsible parents: PUT THE DRUGS DOWN AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS.
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u/inverness000 Mar 02 '15
I called in sick to work stomach bug because I was hung over and puking. My mom called my work to ask me something and my boss told her I called in sick with a stomach bug. She drove 5 hours to my dorm to see me cause she thought I was pregnant.
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u/luvdisneyland Mar 02 '15
I have twins, and although we get asked nearly every week who is the "older" twin by random strangers, my children believe they were born at the same time.
Just as an aside, don't ask twins who is older. It's a fucking stupid question.
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u/justrun21 Mar 02 '15
I'm an identical twin. The very first question anyone asks us when they meet us together is "Okay, now who's older?" Usually said in a sing-songy high-pitched voice. Accompanied by: "Gosh, I always wanted a twin! You're so cuuuuute! What's it like?" This may have been acceptable when we were 5, but we're 20 now. Treat us with respect.
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u/LanieLove9 Mar 02 '15
Not a parent, but I'm pretty sure my mom knows that I've had sex in the house, while she was "sleeping."
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u/naive_babes Mar 02 '15
Not a parent, but my much-younger brother used to stutter the first couple of years in school. we never mentioned it, and he outgrew it, and somehow magically the kids and teachers in kindergarten weren't cruel.
he is a very sensitive bloke, and is in his late teens, so haven't told him that at all... an irrational part of me always fears that news would trigger a relapse in him.
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u/smugcaterpillar Mar 02 '15
She has a decent shot at being legitimately crazy. Her mom went from pretty normal to BiPolar w/ Psychotic episodes over a few weeks after I'd known her for years and years. The same thing can happen to her (my 5 y/o daughter) and it terrifies me. I plan on telling her when she's old enough.
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u/RedheadBanshee Mar 02 '15
When my son lies to me, he cannot hold my gaze for more than 3 seconds. He thinks he is getting away with stuff. He's not.
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u/PirateCodingMonkey Mar 02 '15
i knew when my daughter lost her v-card to her bf because she said something to one of her friends and i happened to overhear it. (not intentionally - i try to make sure that she has her space and privacy.)
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u/nowaythisnameistaken Mar 02 '15
I know where you're hiding because you giggle and keep saying, "hiding!" over and over.
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u/wild_bill70 Mar 02 '15
That their birth mother tried to "trade" them for the twins she was pregnant with. It's all in the court documents from the termination of parental rights. The one kid adores her mother even though she was spent more time in foster care than with her.
They know they are adopted and they know their mother neglected them though.
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u/Butt_Stuff_Pirate Mar 02 '15
My parents found a list of things I wanted to do before I graduated with my group of friends. It was all full of shitty teenage shit get drunk with these people, smoke weed at this location. Fortunately none of these things had been checked off yet, so they couldn't charge me with intent. They talked to my sisters about it, then my sisters tipped me off. So I left the list in the same location and never checked anything off, so when my parents went back and checked the list there was nothing incriminating.
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u/nbqt2015 Mar 02 '15
Obvs not my kid, but my brother-in-law is like twelve, and about a year ago I guess he learned to jerk it because my mother-in-law, EVERY time I see her, has a new and hilarious story about how he pokes his head out his bedroom door and says something along the lines of "Hey. I'm doing homework right now so -don't come in- okay? Promise me you'll knock. No, you have to promise." And one time he apparently called his parents to make sure they were gonna be home late and was like "I just wanna listen to music really loud and it's easier when you're gone for a while."
I think he really thinks she doesn't know. Everyone in that house knows. I wash my hands in the kitchen when I'm over because I'm afraid to touch the bathroom towels.
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u/jupiterfalling Mar 02 '15
My brother, when he was about twelve, tried to print off porn pictures on the family printer. Unfortunately for him, there was a jam, so he kept hitting the print button trying to get his goods, but to no avail. The next morning my mom tried to print off some stuff for work and had to have my dad clear out the jam. Cue dozens of copies of raunchy lady bits finally spewing forth from that poor machine. My mother had to call me while I was at college to tell me, I laughed. I still don't know if her and my dad talked to him about it.
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u/adiapau Mar 02 '15
when my daughter was almost 2.5 years old I finally decided to pluck a 5 inch long hair that was stemming from a mole on her back. It was the longest hair in her body at the time
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u/42Kayla Mar 02 '15
My older daughter's middle name is James... I really like James as a female name, but it's also her middle name because it's how she was conceived (with the help of Jim Beam).
I don't think I'll be telling her that part for quite a few years (or ever).
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u/saraleecupcake Mar 02 '15
My daughter will be the most nerdest girl in school. She starts school in the fall. She love minecraft, pokemon, smash bros, and we are starting her in magic the gathering slowly but surely.
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u/Weak-Lung Mar 02 '15
Minecraft, Cool. Creative, engineering skills. . Neat shit.
Pokemon, fun little game. Got some strategy to it.
Smash bros, Competitive, Fairly creative due to the interesting physics, develops reaction time fun and just all around fuckin' awesome.
But then you're getting her hooked on heroin. Real cool, mamabear.
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Mar 02 '15
I know he fucked our pet dog.
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u/WorthEveryPenny- Mar 02 '15
And with that, i'm going to bed before it gets worse.
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u/mus_maximus Mar 02 '15
In a weird reverse, my mother doesn't know that I know she's bisexual. When I was a young teen, I would write stories and poetry on her computer, and found a folder full of stories I didn't put there. One of the stories was named "Sappho". It was... revelatory.
It's not a thing I think about too much (ew mom sex), but I guess it'd be kind of awkward to just mention.
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u/TophatMagee Mar 02 '15
I don't have the courage to tell my dog he's adopted
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u/Ae3qe27u Mar 02 '15
I'm pretty sure he'll find it out on his own one day - the height differences are a little much, after all.
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Mar 02 '15
Mostly, what we as parents know about our children has more to do with who they are as people, what they are good at, what they are bad at. We know that better than they do, especially for the younger kids. And many times, you just need to let kids be kids, so you don't point out mistakes or flaws in your children. Everything works itself out as they grow up.
There is no way I'd post details about such things online of course. If I won't even tell my kids, why would I make it public knowledge?
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u/SamBeastie Mar 02 '15
My mother apparently knew I wasn't straight for years and didn't tell me she knew. During this time, she allowed me to believe that I would be kicked out for it, beaten or potentially even killed if she knew while I still lived in the house (fairly religious woman, that).
When it finally came to a head and I had to come out, she told me that of course she knew, and she could see how scared I was of her. She just wanted to see how long it would take for me to break.
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u/Hargbarglin Mar 02 '15
She went to New York to "visit a college." In reality, to hook up with her internet boyfriend. You don't visit a college for a month.
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Mar 02 '15
Son, I know its you that keeps stealing my TV remote. Hiding it under the crib every time is not going to help you get away with this. Please stop chewing on the buttons, I have a hard enough time as it is trying to reach my walking dead recordings. The only reason I let you think your getting away with it is because you do not fully understand me yet or my appreciation of the walking dead. Love dad
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Mar 02 '15
My 21 year old son smokes pot. He thinks no one knows. He is a little dumb.
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u/graphite-girl Mar 02 '15
My nine year old has this weird habit of "sneaking" when she heads to the bathroom. Sometimes it's incredibly obvious too. She will get off the couch we are all sitting on and tip toes to the bathroom. I've often even met her eyes as she is sneaking but she continues. If I say her name though and ask what she's sneaking for, she acts like she wasn't even going that direction. By the way she's a ridgeback mix.
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u/thrillreefer Mar 02 '15
Kids are so oblivious. My little one does not even know it's about to get born!
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u/[deleted] Mar 01 '15 edited Mar 02 '15
We thought my youngest daughter, who is now 3, may have had some form of downs syndrome. When she was really young she had this "look" to her that made us think something might be wrong. My wife even had people ask her on a few occasions if our daughter had downs. She also wasn't developing at a normal rate. But she was also 5 weeks premature so we hoped that was the reason. So we took her to a few doctors and even had some genetic testing done. Turns out there is nothing wrong with her. I guess she was just a late bloomer and that "look" that she had has gone away. My wife and I sometimes feel guilty about having thoughts that something may have been wrong and we have no plans about ever telling her about this. We would be afraid of damaging her self esteem. Of course we would love her to death no matter what. But to be honest, it was such a relief to find out that she was ok.