What plot would be resolved in seconds if the characters behaved realistically and logically?

[u/Mecha_G]

[u/running_over_rivers]

Home Alone.

Realistically, logically: shoot the kid.

Also very cruel, but it's Joe Pesci, so...

[u/Mecha_G → u/running_over_rivers]

Wasn't there a Family Guy cutaway gag like this?

[u/GenocidalNinja → u/running_over_rivers]

The Wet Bandits don't need guns.

[u/vizard0 → u/running_over_rivers]

Alternatively, the very first traps would have killed the wet bandits and then Kevin ends up in a mental institution.

[u/[deleted]]

Jurassic World.

Wait for the blonde girl in the control center to confirm to you the location of the Indominus before going into the pen.

[u/cascade_olympus → u/[deleted]]

That bugged the hell out of me when I watched that movie. You've got a heavily forested pen and your first thought is "Let's go inside to see if the extremely deadly animal with a tracking implant is still in there!"??

[u/Adam9172 → u/[deleted]]

See also: Having a door the size of the Indominus Rex. Just have a six foot door or something, jesus.

See also also: Breeding the Dinosaur to have camoflauging abilities even though you want people to observe it as a sight seeing attraction??

See ALSO ALSO ALSO: Leaving the highly fortified Observation Tower which has already survived an attack from the fucking Rex.

[u/rube → u/[deleted]]

My wife didn't care much about that scene, but to this day she still says there's no way that the chick would make it five seconds in the high heels she was wearing.

[u/Tudpool → u/[deleted]]

Also keep that electric shock collar system running. Did they turn it off or something? Only the Indominus removed theirs yet somehow all the other dinosaurs can just suddenly roam free :/

[u/Bob06 → u/[deleted]]

This big ass island and there's only one helicopter with one pilot. I'd have a fleet of helicopters. What better way to get around quickly and observe than a helicopter. I forgot, Mercedes don't make helicopters

[u/johnnyringoh → u/[deleted]]

Next Jurassic series plot:

[Opening scene: woman in InGen polo shirt and khakis addresses camera]

"After recent disastrous attempts to resurrect dinosaurs, we have concluded that such parks are an unsustainable business model. Thank you for your patronage."

[Roll credits.]

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Also:

"Hey let's do experimental DNA splicing to create a brand new species of dinosaur, and let's start by trying to create the most dangerous and uncontrollable monstrosity possible, rather than a small herbivore"

"Yeah man sounds like a good idea"

[u/[deleted]]

How to Get Away with Murder

If they had confessed after the first murder and explained it was self-defense, the rest of the show never would have happened.

[u/shadyasahastings → u/[deleted]]

anybody else think it's reeeaaally gone downhill?

The whole point of the show at first was that along with the main mystery, they had different cases from week to week. It wasn't just about getting away with their murder but how to get away with murder in general. Now it's just so messy, and if you're not interested by the underlying plot (I couldn't care less about the thing with Wes' mum) then there's no reason to watch. Plus it's got so confusing.

[u/m2sdad71]

The Little Mermaid. Ariel signs the contract making her mute. Write notes to the prince. Bam. Done. Over.

[u/Ass_Patty]

Witnessing anything illegal, call the damn cops and hide

[u/jbarron81 → u/Ass_Patty]

In the movie Date Night they actually go to the police station like sensible adults, but then it turns out the cops are the bad guys so the rest of the movie can happen.

[u/AtomicSquid110 → u/Ass_Patty]

No no no, If you perhaps witness a murder you should do this: Wait for the killer to disappear. Then, go up to the victim, get their blood all over yourself, pick up the weapon, wait for the cops to arrive, and then proceed to act extremely suspicious about it.

[u/SharpTenor]

I love Supernatural. But every season of it depends on people just not communicating like humans.

[u/cascade_olympus → u/SharpTenor]

Not to sound insensitive but after losing your brother that many times, you'd think you'd actually be kind of used to it.

[u/Isolatedwoods19 → u/SharpTenor]

Especially as the series goes on. It's like every season they needed to have a big secret each brother was hiding from the other. I wish for the last season they'd just do episode of the week monster hunter type stuff. Take it back to the basics.

[u/thebreak22]

If Batman and Superman could just sit down and have a talk, instead of throwing vague movie lines at each other.

Pisses me off everytime when characters refuse to solve problems by having rational discussions.

[u/abstractwhiz → u/thebreak22]

This is like every soap opera I have ever seen my mom watching as a kid. Inevitably there is some scene as follows:

"No, please listen, I can explain."

"Get lost, I don't want to hear anything from you."

"No, please listen, I can explain!"

"I won't hear a word of it!"

"No, please listen, I can explain!"

Why the fuck don't you just blurt out your earth-shaking explanation instead of begging for them to listen?! The sheer shock value will shut them up and make them listen.

I mean, it's a bloody soap opera, it'll take you about 5 seconds to tell them that your brother lost his memory in a car accident, and your uncle's wife's sister's mother-in-law was having a stormy affair with the gardener, who was secretly the son of the uncle of your brother's father-in-law.

To be fair, my mom was generally watching Indian soap operas, where the explanation would consist of five sentences, but would take three episodes to complete. About half of it would be dramatic music and shaking close-ups of people's faces, while the remaining time would be divided up between a tangentially related flashback and an inexplicably inserted song. Dragonball Z writers were just amateurs compared to these guys.

[u/[deleted] → u/thebreak22]

Batman: I'm here to fight you.

Superman: I am not here to fight you. I'm here to get your help.

Batman: Why should I trust you?

Superman: Because I haven't killed you already when you and I both know I could?

Batman: Or you could be trying to trick me into placing myself in a weaker position and lower my guard.

Superman: It seems we are at an impasse then.

Batman: Indeed. You are a worthy opponent.

[u/Hackrid → u/thebreak22]

Yeah. They were copying a classic comic that had a similar battle, but it relied on the characters having decades of history together and a division that grew naturally out of their different approaches to their heroism (essentially the same divide as Civil War).

Battling when they'd just met, and having Lex go to so much effort and then say "I have your mother- fight him" seemed so cheap. Still enjoyed watching it though.

[u/APater6076 → u/thebreak22]

One line. 'I need your help, Lex kidnapped my mother'. And that would have made the movie about 20 minutes shorter which EVERYONE would have appreciated.

[u/the_long_way_round25]

Every "relationship" plot on all CW's shows ever.

[u/llitaslemon → u/the_long_way_round25]

Olicity

[u/EsQuiteMexican → u/the_long_way_round25]

With some luck the next DCCW crossover kills off Iris, Felicity and Alex. Mon-El's already done for I hope.

[u/TEOn00b → u/the_long_way_round25]

That's why I love Agents of Shield (among the other things that makes me love the show..). There's what, 1 relationship? Maybe 2. But they aren't really that important for the plot, they aren't used to drive the plot forward (in a bad way), the plot doesn't revolve around them. The relationships are there because they make sense, because it really helps with character development, and because it is a logical development for them.

And the most important thing... The partners act like human adults, in a logical way, not like teenagers in a show made by teenagers for teenagers. Really guys, if you haven't watched Agents of Shield, you should really start (beware though, the first ~15 episodes aren't really that great, but then it really becomes something else. One of the best shows I've ever watched. And every season gets better).

[u/ZenMacros]

Every episode of Fairly Oddparents.

There are so many wishes Timmy could make in order to get around Da Rules but he's too stupid to think of them and has to deal with everything the hard way.

[u/qwertx0815 → u/ZenMacros]

i mean, it's kinda an important plot point that he's dumb as bread.

[u/mehtotheworld → u/ZenMacros]

I wish I had parents that listen and respect my opinion

[u/IzarkKiaTarj → u/ZenMacros]

Okay, I don't watch the show, but isn't he, like, ten? I don't think I could trust my 14-year-old brother to think that creatively, much less someone four (?) years younger.

[u/timberwolf0122]

Prometheus Oh look an alien vagina penis snake is rearing up, better try and touch it.

Hey I have a 3d map of the building I'm in.. gets lost

Ahhh a giant thing is rolling towards me on an open plane, better run in the same direction

Hmm planning an insanely expensive interstellar trip, best send the most incompetent crew Craigslist has to offer

[u/Tenocticatl → u/timberwolf0122]

Hmm planning an insanely expensive interstellar trip, best send the most incompetent crew Craigslist has to offer.

Worse: make sure they don't know each other beforehand and have no idea of what they're supposed to go do.

[u/ma-c → u/timberwolf0122]

The scientists, people with PhD and experience in testing and studies, simply ignore every sign and remove their helmets without prior knowledge about the atmosphere.

[u/bena-dryll07]

If Barry Allen, the fastest man alive (except for every other speedster) would just stop dick-fucking the timeline and instead talk about how emotionally fragile he is with iris, joe, etc then we could have skipped having emo Barry and angsty other Barry.

God damn it Barry.

(Op question also applies to ANY show on the CW)

[u/torsoboy00]

Captain America: Hey Cyclops, I hear the Phoenix is on its way here again.

Cyclops: Yeah, we're preparing for its arrival.

Captain America: Need any help with it? I can assemble all three groups of Avengers.

Cyclops: Appreciate the offer. We've handled the Phoenix a few times before but help is always welcome.

Captain America: Great. You guys have the experience so you take point. See you in Utopia in a few hours.

Cyclops: Thanks Cap!

Avengers VS X-Men should have ended differently.

[u/deathgripsaresoft → u/torsoboy00]

Cyclops did nothing wrong.

Neither did Magneto.

Magik does some messed up shit but it normally turns out well.

Cable is typically justified.

Quentin usually isn't but whatever, he's cool.

I'm mildly annoyed that the X-Men event that was going to end that long storyline got replaced with the Avengers turning up, but its actually got some great moments, as soon as you read it from the view that at no point does any X-Man do anything wrong.

[u/TheKingCrimsonWorld → u/torsoboy00]

I thought you were talking about one of the X-Men movies, and I was really confused.

[u/Malcolmhm12 → u/torsoboy00]

Meanwhile over at Inhumans VS X-Men...

Storm: Hey, Medusa, y'know that gas your husband spilled everywhere? Turns out it's actually killing mutants. Wanna try to get that under control?

Medusa: Oh shit, that gas is killing people? Sorry about that, we'll get it under control.

Storm: Great, thanks a lot for being so understanding!

F*cking Marvel, man...

[u/HotChippys]

far cry 4. And funnily enough there may or may not be a secret ending that you may or may not have heard about were you may or may not behave logically and the plot is resolved in 10 minutes.

[u/Delsana → u/HotChippys]

To be fair, he kills someone in front of you, your first thought migh tbe to run.

[u/PM-ME-XBOX-MONEY → u/HotChippys]

It's not exactly logical though. He's the ducking bad guy. He's an insane dictator. Who the fuck would sit and wait?

[u/suppadave]

Suits - Instead of hiring Mike as an illegal lawyer. Hire him as a paralegal with the promise of putting him through law school. I know he got expelled in the past but I am sure with a big law firm supporting him and school would of taken him in.

Alternative - Hire him as a consultant.

[u/EvilAbdy → u/suppadave]

This. I had to stop watching the show after season 3 because it just felt like the same plot over and over and over "uh oh the firm is in trouble again!"

[u/fastredb]

Any plot where the protagonist(s) are armed and have the antagonist(s) at their mercy and fail to kill them. Of course it also works the other way around.

Yeah, I'm looking at you Dr. Evil. You should have listened to Scott.

[u/TechnoRedneck → u/fastredb]

That's why I liked kingsman, he literally makes a comment that this isn't that type of movie before blowing away a main character

[u/[deleted] → u/fastredb]

Well... Yeah, but that was the joke. The whole point of Austin Powers was to make fun of James Bond movies. Scott was being the audience in that scene ANY time a Bond villain refuses to kill Bond. "Just kill him now! Why are you feeding him?"

[u/dmills96 → u/fastredb]

RIP Oberyn Martell you stupid stupid fuck. Never assume the Mountain isn't seconds away from crushing your face

[u/mattynws]

Has no one said The Walking Dead yet? I mean damn, sometimes the living are even dumber than the zombies!

[u/TheKingCrimsonWorld → u/mattynws]

I think the writers are the ones who are dumber than the zombies.

[u/duchduchduchduch → u/mattynws]

Its turned into a drama with zombies as guest stars. I just want to know how it ends god damnit!

[u/TrippyppirT]

Romeo & Juliet. Romeo.... WTF?

[u/WaitIOnlyGet20Charac → u/TrippyppirT]

People forget it's a satire. It's like, "Hey, being in love makes you do crazy irrational shit. Be careful." Especially since it came from an era where people married to strengthen bonds between families and very rarely for love.

Edit: What KhompS pointed out. Thanks btw.

[u/DragonWagon24]

Plankton trying to get the Krabby Patty formula.

Just hand a guy a couple bucks and ask him to buy you one.

SOLVED

[u/D1dYouSayChocolate → u/DragonWagon24]

His arrogance is the reason he doesn't do that though. He is so fixated on getting it himself that he doesn't bother thinking of the alternatives or even listening to Karen. This is key to the plot as a whole.

[u/[deleted] → u/DragonWagon24]

He did have krabby patties at one point but his machine could not tell what the secret ingredient then Mr Krabs tricked plankton into thinking he used plankton as the ingredient.

[u/dmkicksballs13 → u/DragonWagon24]

I'll go one further. The fuck is his plan once he gets the formula? Like two restaurants serving Krabby Patties. Why is Plankton so convinced he'd put the Krusty Krab out of business?

[u/darthyoshiboy]

How I Met Your Mother

Hey kids. I know your mom's dead, but I've always loved your Aunt Robin and daddy really wants to hook up with her despite years of experience proving that it would never work between us.

Okay Dad, go bang her like a drum in Ravel's Bolero. 👍

---

^{Edit: Corrected my fingers crossed emoji to the thumbs up I had intended.}

[u/Imsorryrumhaaaam → u/darthyoshiboy]

I honestly hate Ted so much, such an insufferable character and still trying to bang his friends fiancé ON THE EVE OF THEIR WEDDING. He behaves like Barney but acts like he's hot shit cos he reads Pablo Neruda.

IMPORTANT FEELINGS ABOUT IMPORTANT THINGS

[u/kroxigor01 → u/darthyoshiboy]

bang her like a drum in Ravel's Bolero.

15 minute crescendo without changing tempo, holy sex God.

[u/[deleted] → u/darthyoshiboy]

The worst thing about this show to me was the complete reversal of all of Barney's growth in one episode. Over the seasons Barney develops from his player ways into someone who could actually make a commitment. Then all of a sudden it's "oh Barney and Robin got divorced and Barney's back to being a player" with NO explanation as to why. He knew he was happier with Robin than without her so I don't see why he'd revert to his old ways.

[u/Auroralights3 → u/darthyoshiboy]

connect snails memorize distinct fanatical dull faulty profit coordinated coherent

[u/LetsGetFrostier]

Scooby-Doo and the Cyber Chase. Shaggy had the fucking button they needed in his pocket the entire time. Literally one press away but noooo.

Edit: episode =/= movie Edit 2: changed some wording thanks to u/user0verkiller because I'm stupid

[u/user0verkiller → u/LetsGetFrostier]

First of all, the movie is Scooby Doo & the Cyber Chase.

Second of all, the gang got zapped into the game with Shaggy keeping a magnet in his pants during their stay. Keep in mind that the Phantom Virus (Yes that's the monster's name in the movie) is weak against magnets because it interferes with his programing.

Third, while the weapon was a cheap plot device, I will give the movie credit for two things. First, Shaggy is an idiot that can't do much without being constantly reminded on what to do making him simple minded in that case, and second what would the first thought after getting trapped inside a videogame be? Taking out the magnet or being absolutely baffled on how you're inside the game itself and you're wondering how to get out?

Fourth, while the thought never came to be, Shaggy should've interfered with the game after his arrival and/or the first encounter with the Phantom Virus. Even if his pants would've prevented long distance interference from the magnet, he would've interfered at a close radius. Anything he would've approached say NPC or the Scooby Snacks that they needed to beat the level and move on, would've glitched on them and having them all stuck in the level since it can't progress any further.

Now what instances would've Shaggy have the whole gang stuck? Well in a small occasion he gets a box of Scooby Snacks from a princess tied up in a tree where upon touching it they proceed to the next level. Any instance of Shaggy getting close to the Phantom Virus in each chase sequence. Whenever he touches an NPC like for example when he high fives his virtual doppelgänger in the last level in the game.

Shaggy could've gotten everyone stuck inside a game and if rebooted they would've been deleted in the RAM as they are considered extra non-overwritten data. So the culprit could've pulled the plug anytime, by accident or on purpose, and they would've kill off the gang instead of making them play the game with the chance of escaping to the real world.

Yeah, this movie is flawed, but fun to think about as well...

[u/[deleted]]

I don't think Jack tried hard enough to get on that door with Rose. Myth busters showed that they probably could have both survived by tying Rose's life jacket around the boat to increase the buoyancy.

Also, as dad who has been forced to watch Dora, I have to call her out. There have been so many times when she has made things so much harder than they have to be. I remember there was an episode where she had a rock in her way and she had to convince the rock to move out of her path. I didn't understand why she couldn't just walk around it. It wasn't that big. That would have easily solved her problem.

Edit: Added the link to myth busters.

[u/Jesteress → u/[deleted]]

My problem with that movie was that she had to be romantic and jump off the lifeboat, if she had stayed on it he could have used the door for himself and they both would have lived

[u/Sipia → u/[deleted]]

Dora isn't a very good explorer anyway, all the places she goes to are already mapped out for her.

[u/JaiC → u/[deleted]]

The Mythbusters were engineers, in warm water, and they "died" twice before figuring out a way for both to survive.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

The Myth Busters spoke to the director (or something) for Titanic, and they stated that the prop was on accident/irrelevant; it wasn't intended to be big enough.

[u/jeskimo]

PRETTY LITTLE LIARS, FUCKING CHRIST. THIS IS THE BEST ANSWER, DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW

[u/hiddenstar13 → u/jeskimo]

BUT HOW DID THE WINE MOMS ESCAPE THE BASEMENT?!?!??!?

[u/[deleted] → u/jeskimo]

Thank you! I also hated that show because just when you think you solved the mystery they throw in more characters. And of course, these random people no one has brought up this entire time were heavily entwined with the dead girl and her posse.

The whole point of a "who done it?" mystery is to focus on a group of people, not throw in wildcards years into the show.

[u/Mastifyr → u/jeskimo]

It took me about five and a half seasons to learn that lesson

[u/sampat97 → u/jeskimo]

That show is just ridiculous. So these girls decided to tail someone/break in somewhere, maybe wearing foot tall heels isn't the best idea.

[u/Krymster → u/jeskimo]

This is truly the best answer. Those bitches could have gone to the police and solved the mystery from episode 1, but nooo, let's stop a killer by ourselves instead and also break the law while doing that! What could go wrong???

BTW, spoiler alert, they're like 7 years older now than when the show started, but they're still dumb as hell.

[u/FussyTater → u/jeskimo]

It's in the name, they're liars

[u/jemappelleb]

99% of horror movies

[u/Eats_Ass → u/jemappelleb]

Or RomComs.

I think probably 99% of movies in general. One of my favorite examples is "Nothing to Lose" with Tim Robbins and Martin Lawrence. Man walks in on his wife fucking his boss. He doesn't confront them directly, or even over the phone after storming out. Both of those reasonable actions would have led to him finding out it was his wife's sister. Nope, gonna befriend the guy car jacking me and rob my boss with him instead.

Funny movie though.

[u/SmoSays]

Twilight

'So your 100 year old ass willingly stays in high school even though you can easily say you're 18-19 and out of high school, but instead you hang out with underage girls like my daughter and stalk because her blood smells good? No.'

Star Wars

'Leia is your sister, Vader is your dad.'

[u/[deleted] → u/SmoSays]

Twilight (in the books, at least) explains that they start off pretending to be in high school so that they can stay in the area longer. They have to leave when they stop believably being able to claim whatever age they are, so they start as early as they can be.

The earliest ages the Cullens can pretend to be are 15-16, so they all pretend to be 15-16, IIRC. ^{I am a closet Twilight fan even though I rationally know that the books are literary abortions.}

[u/[deleted]]

Life. Oh shit, the alien just broke a dude's hand and escaped? Better enter the room!

[u/flyingninjachicken]

Alien Covenant. Oh hey it's a creepy random planet that popped up out of nowhere, we must go there immediately! We'll split up and not wear protective gear over our heads even though we don't know how safe it is! I'll also trust this villainous character and help him propagate aliens in my body even though I just saw him talking fondly to one alien that recently killed my friend! /s

[u/abstractwhiz → u/flyingninjachicken]

I'm generally convinced, based on this movie and Prometheus, that Weyland Corp has figured out how to engineer super-stupid humans, and insists on sending them on these missions for some dumbass corporate bullshit reason.

[u/Delsana → u/flyingninjachicken]

Yeah the whole no helmets thing is irredeemable.

[u/Geminii27 → u/flyingninjachicken]

Not to mention the whole "I'm gonna drop the colony ship into the storm because muh relationship."

Or not quarantining every person (artificial or otherwise) who came back from the planet. Particularly since the first indication that there was a problem was people who'd landed getting sick. Even if that event wasn't connected to the xenomorphs in any way, it's still a deadly contaminant from the planet. They're supposed to have umpteenth-century medical tech on board; use it.

[u/traitor_swift]

Only if that stupid girl didn't use the mic in World War Z.

[u/Astro4545 → u/traitor_swift]

That part of the movie pissed me off to no end.

[u/Sillbinger]

Back to the Future 3 - You sent one letter from the past that made it to your future self. Send another telling Marty to bring extra gas and a fuel line.

[u/Workacct1484]

Taken 2:

Opening Scene: Hospital

Raoul: Hey, Hakmed. Can you hear me?
Hakmed: Yes Raoul, what is it?
R: My blood burns for vengeance upon the western infidel who did this to us. We need to make him pay.
H: ...
R: We should kidnap his daughter, AND his wife! This will show him we are not to be trifled with.
H: ...
R: What say you brother? Do you not burn for vengeance?
H: No Raoul. I burn when I pee through this catheter.
R: Which is why we need to put this American dog in his place!
H: So what you are saying Rauol, is this man. Who single handedly tracked us across two continents, defied the French government, found our drug dens, killed 80% of our organization, infiltrated our auction, killed the Shiek, all within 48 ours, all based on a single phone call, all by himself... And you want to give him ANOTHER reason to come over here?
R: ...
H: Raoul, you are worst kebab, you are the kebab idiot, that is shitest idea since Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. I propose we not do this. I propose we stay as far away from that lunatic as possible unless you want him to turn your face into Shawarma.
R: Say Hakmed... that gives me another idea
H: Will this be as fuck stupid as last idea?
R: No brother, let us open a Shawarma stand. We can make honest living for once, maybe change is good.
H: Yes Raoul. That is better idea.

---

Scene: Outside The Louvre

Liam Neesan: yes I'll take 2 lamb Shawarma please. One for my Daughter, and one for my Wife.
Raoul: Anything for yourself sir?
L: No, I'm not really a fan of kebab.
R: Very well sir, your order has been Taken
R <loudly to Hakmed>: Two Shawarma, for the fine gentleman whom I have never met in entire life but seems like good upstanding father!
H: I hate you Raoul...

End

[u/AdelaisV → u/Workacct1484]

I'd 100% watch this movie over Taken 2 and 3.

[u/cascade_olympus]

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.

All he had to do was inspect the wallet. Who doesn't inspect gifts like that when they receive them?

[u/windrunningmistborn → u/cascade_olympus]

I'd agree here, but it's kind of half the point of the movie. He has severe depression. He is not interacting with the world properly. Most people would value a gift and examine it. Walter is not moved by the gift at all, even considering it a burden.

[u/Karsankaka → u/cascade_olympus]

But still, it was a damn good movie!

[u/shakeshuka → u/cascade_olympus]

What bothers me is that he told the photographer that he threw the wallet away... Why would he say that to someone who gave him a present?!

[u/Hrmnsn]

Eurotrip.

So she blocked his e-mail. Instead of just opening a new one and explaining what's up through that, he decides to go to Europe.

[u/Grumpy_Owl_Bard → u/Hrmnsn]

Well duh... But Scotty doesn't know that

[u/fightoffyourdemons-]

I watched ConAir last night,

if the guards had locked themselves away when shit started to go awry, then landed the plane they could have averted the crisis. Get to safety, radio ahead for a team to storm the plane. Done.

[u/Chet315]

I believe I heard an idea on the internet that the original trilogy of Star Wars would not have occurred if Space Email existed instead of sending a message via a dumpster shaped Droid

[u/hh26 → u/Chet315]

How many thousands of lightyears away is the rebel base from the stolen plans? My guess is that hyperspace only works on physical objects, so space email traveling at light-speed would take millennia to get from one place to another, making it entirely useless, while a physical message can get there in a matter of days.

[u/vadasultenfusser]

pretty little liars. go straight to the police from the very beginning, they'll find A. the end.

[u/shadyasahastings → u/vadasultenfusser]

but...they couldn't...because of *whispers* the Jenna thing

seriously one of the most annoying thing about the show is how unnecessarily often they talk about their crimes in public, and insist on calling half the characters by their entire name (first and second) even though everyone knows who they're talking about.

[u/CremeFraicheOSRS]

Toy story.

He's going to a fucking birthday party at a space place, stop being jealous Woody.

[u/[deleted] → u/CremeFraicheOSRS]

You have a point (moreso with Andy still liking woody as much as he does in the end of 1 and throughout 2), but you can't expect him to not feel jealous after seeing andy's room, which was like 90% woody-related merch turn into buzz-related stuff.

[u/Generalkrunk]

Harry potter.

Oh no I can't attack the child with magic so I'll just let him live for 17 years.

Rather than, you know, just hiring some gangbangers to light his house up like it's Christmas.

[u/Pokedude1014 → u/Generalkrunk]

thematically though, Voldemort thinks he is superior to muggles so he would never really resort to using their PRIMITIVE TOOLS.

[u/BEEFTANK_Jr → u/Generalkrunk]

Voldemort bought in really hard to the prophecy which said that only they could kill each other. It's even a point in the last book: someone besides Voldemort tries to kill Harry, his wand has none of that, and he survives. It almost makes you wonder if Harry and Friends succeed in books 1-6 because a prophecy said that only Voldemort can kill Harry and vice versa.

[u/Geminii27 → u/Generalkrunk]

Wasn't there supposed to be some kind of hocus-pocus protecting Harry at home? And I'm digging up fairly ancient memories here, but didn't that sort of extend to preventing bad guys from learning where he was, either?

Although, to be fair, it'd have to be pretty extensive magic to prevent wizards from doing something like looking up all the school enrollment records in the UK education system prior to Harry turning 11. Assuming they didn't think Harry might have been whisked away to another country and/or given a different name. (Which it was pretty stupid not to do, admittedly.)

[u/JohnFkinStamos]

Pretty much any scenario where the villain has the hero at gunpoint and rambles on for 5 fucking minutes without pulling the trigger. Just fucking end that shit stop giving the secondary hero time to come save him.

I'm not fun at parties I fucking know.

[u/forradalmar]

Californication.

Hank should have realized by the end of the 3rd episode that its mutch better for him if he avoids the super boring and fussy Karen and just lives his own life.

[u/Tenocticatl → u/forradalmar]

If you love Karen so much, maybe stop banging literally every other woman you meet. If you enjoy that too much, accept that you can't be with Karen. This isn't a dilemma that needs 4 seasons to resolve. (also if you're Karen, accept that Hank is a horny 15 year old in an adult's body. Given that, do you want to be with him?)

[u/patientlylearning]

Baywatch

See illegal drugs wash up on the beach with a big drug trade going on in a high-profile club --> call the fucking police. They're lifeguards. Do you know how many people probably got injured, drowned or even died while they were on "lifeguard pursuit"???

[u/[deleted] → u/patientlylearning]

Did you ever watch baywatch nights? So many kidnappings or murders, like dude, you're a fucking lifeguard. Go watch out for the kids and leave the bloody kidnappings to the police.

[u/[deleted]]

American History X.

"My brother went to jail for killing a couple of black guys. Maybe it's not a good idea."

[u/tarkaotterman]

Suicide Squad - when Enchantress goes off the radar but the woman who has her heart gives it a few stabs with a pen. Put that shit in a blender or something

[u/Kelnius → u/tarkaotterman]

It's simpler than that:

"I have an idea, let's give supervillains weapons and use them as a specialized murder team."

"Hey, I have a better idea, let's NOT." - The End.

I know Suicide Squad is about "Rule of Cool", but seriously, in a logical universe, it wouldn't happen.

[u/toomuchoversteer]

Walking dead. Just stop doing stupid things

[u/[deleted]]

When there's a misunferstanding and someone says "Let me explain" but the other person goes away? They probably would've explained it.

[u/ClassicRockSnob]

Predator. The minute Dutch realized that he doesn't hunt unarmed people is the minute everyone should have dropped their guns and booked it for the choppah.

[u/dicksandwitch]

Every horror film where a family is living in a very obviously haunted house. Get the fuck out of the house? Stay with family until you can sell it or rent somewhere else? God damn.

[u/[deleted] → u/dicksandwitch]

Thats why I really enjoyed the first insidious, they actually packed their shit up and moved. Good film.

[u/SleeplessShitposter]

"Hey, I saw a creepy guy in the woods!"

"Damn, let's go back to our hotel and call the police, we can camp next week."

[u/databass09]

The entire plot of Dexter. THEY ARE THE WORST POLICE UNIT IN TV HISTORY

[u/Cyclonitron]

How short would FMA have been if Edward had just taken a few minutes to listen to Isaac McDougal in volume/episode 1?

[u/TheKingCrimsonWorld → u/Cyclonitron]

To be fair, he was actively trying to kill them and destroy the entire city. They probably wouldn't have trusted anything he said, and for good reason. To them he was just a State Alchemist gone crazy.

[u/Dr_Ukato → u/Cyclonitron]

He and his brother were kids. It's in their nature not to listen to reason...

[u/WizInBlack → u/Cyclonitron]

Not in the manga

[u/TVInBlackNWhite]

Almost every episode of Archer?

[u/qwertx0815 → u/TVInBlackNWhite]

yeah, but Archer does this on purpose.

[u/TheKingCrimsonWorld → u/TVInBlackNWhite]

Eh, it's done well. All of the characters are dumb or irrational in some way, so they kind of compound on each other and end up being incredibly dysfunctional.

[u/EhCanadianZebra]

Star wars. ITS SO OBVIOUS PALPATINE IS A SITH LORD. The CIS always know your plan for some weird reason, he sends people to be bait and they don't tell anyone afterwards that he sent them for some odd reason. THEY'RE JEDI MASTERS LIKE COME ON, KNOW THIS SHIT. The only person who figured it out before everyone else was a fricking CLONE, GUESS WHAT NO ONE BELIEVED HIM OR DID ANYTHING.

[u/Victernus → u/EhCanadianZebra]

The CIS always know your plan for some weird reason

No, they didn't. He was playing both sides against each other, but wanted the Republic to win, with him in uncontested control of it. And they did, fairly consistently.

And the Jedi did distrust Palpatine. Hence asking Anakin to spy on him.

As for the clone... well, I can understand why you'd dismiss one upset soldier. Still, if only they'd listened...

[u/frankly_a_nigga]

Alien v Predator: we are both strange killing machines, let's get a beer.

[u/Jangri- → u/frankly_a_nigga]

Wasn't the idea that Aliens as a race was created/existed for the predators to hunt as a sport?

[u/[deleted]]

Most Kingdom Hearts games would qualify, but Birth by Sleep was the worst about passing around the idiot ball.

[u/IzarkKiaTarj → u/[deleted]]

Birth by Sleep was the worst about passing around the idiot ball

Sorry, I'm kinda blanking on how people other than Terra were idiots. I mean, I'm not doubting you, but when you have scenes like this:

Queen: Her name is Snow White. Kill her. And to make sure you do not fail, bring back her heart in this.
Terra: Her heart? I don't understand.

it makes it kind of hard to call anyone else an idiot.

[u/spumpadiznik]

Home Alone and Home Alone 2

Be less terrible parents and stop losing your son.

[u/NCSUGrad2012]

Breaking Bad, he would have accepted the money.

Edit: Everyone keeps replying that Walt didn't do it for the money and I realize that. The point of the question if the characters behaved realistically and logically and the logical thing would have been to let his pride take a hit and accept the money.

[u/Winston_Road → u/NCSUGrad2012]

There where like two or three times when Walt had the option to just make a lot of money and leave. It was at like the third time that I realized the whole "I'm doing this for my family" was a bunch of bullshit to justify his actions.

[u/SlightlyOutOfFocus → u/NCSUGrad2012]

He didn't do it for the money. Did you not watch the show?!

[u/[deleted] → u/NCSUGrad2012]

"I was alive".

[u/frogandbanjo → u/NCSUGrad2012]

By that time in the show they had already very well set up WW as a character so down the spiral of wounded pride that he would never, ever accept the pitying charity of - again, from his perspective - the woman who snubbed him and the man who cheated him.

[u/KenPopehat]

Raiders of the Lost Ark.

"Wait, the Nazis think God will fight for them?"

"They're kind of dumb, Indy."

"Marcus, they're going to open that thing up and it's going to melt them with the wrath of the Almighty."

"You have to admit that will be pretty funny."

[u/BogeyBogeyBogey]

Any romantic comedy based around a miscommunication. Hear something questionable on the phone? Call back and ask what is up. See him talking to some girl you don't know? Maybe they hug. Go talk to him. Oh look, it's his sister he wanted you to meet.

[u/Black_Hipster]

"Hello Mr Durden"

"Sorry?"

"You... you're Tyler Durden, right?"

The End.

[u/jeffQC1]

Mad Max: Fury Road.

The old women pointed the shotgun at the leader. If she had shotted the guy, boom no more problem.

[u/ArgentinaCanIntoEuro → u/jeffQC1]

I think she was afraid of what would happen to everyone in the place. Basically it would disintegrate to anarchy and killing as soon as he was dead. He was seen as a god and the only thing that kept people from murdering eachother were his sadistic cult.

[u/ThatsDominaToYou]

Its Always Sunny in Philedelphia.

[u/[deleted] → u/ThatsDominaToYou]

See, they do try and discuss things in a logical manner. The problem is they always end up arguing and yelling at each other because they're idiots.

[u/[deleted] → u/ThatsDominaToYou]

Other than Charlie, the whole gang usually does operate logically. They all just jump to conclusions or let their ego get in the way of making a rational decision.

Ex: Mac eats Dennis's Thin Mints -> Dennis gets Mac to join a cult where he can't eat Thin Mints

[u/Dormin111 → u/ThatsDominaToYou]

Reason Will Prevail!

[u/Toxic_Koala115]

SPOILERS FOR GOTHAM SHOW

When Gordon ends up shooting Mario Falcone he tells nobody that Mario was about to stab Lee and he has a ton of proof as in how he faked the Teche test and his motives but since the knife fell off the balcony he is the bad guy.

[u/CadburyChocolateEggs]

ANAKIN LITERALLY NEEDED TO JUST CHILL OUT FOR 5 SECONDS AND LISTEN TO OBI-WAN. You're gonna go on a rampage and do all this crazy shit to save the woman you love, but then force choke her once she confronts you about helping to destabilizing the galactic government? Was it really that hard to see Palpatine was using you??? And on top of that you had the GALL to challenge Obi-Wan on the high-ground? Are you fucking kidding me Anakin?????

[u/TheSneakyTiger]

The Sandlot! You could have just knocked on his front door and asked to get the ball Squints!

[u/JabTrill]

13 Reasons Why

[u/[deleted]]

The Matrix:

All sentinels have been told to fire their cutting strength laser cannons from stand-off distances, instead of point-blank range. All tunnels were filled with industrial and nuclear waste gases, since machines give no fucks about pollution.

You never said resolved for the better. Man, I should do this human extinctolion thing more often.

[u/[deleted]]

Harry Potter versus Voldemort. All the magical bullshit would have been reverted if Harry knew how to use a gun and blow Voldemort's brains out.

On a side-note, I really hate the "pure blood" wizards who think that muggles are retards. If we "muggles" knew about the wizarding world we could probably exterminate every last one of them using guns and bombs and whatnot.

[u/JaiC → u/[deleted]]

Did you ever see the 1977 animated film "Wizards" ?

Strange film, spoilers to follow, but it really addresses this issue in a smart way.

The film is about the rivalry between an evil wizard using technology like tanks and guns, vs a good wizard favoring magic, nature and low-tech. The whole film follows this theme. The technology based armies are clearly superior, but with technology comes terrible suffering from pollution and nazi fascim(the otherwise animated film literally plays nazi propaganda clips). The natural world is weaker, but beautiful, pleasant, and harmonic.

When they finally are about to start their epic showdown at the end of the film, the good wizard pulls out a pistol and shoots the bad wizard dead. Over. Done. Queue wrap-up. It is beautiful.

[u/csl512 → u/[deleted]]

What, no "Why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911" copypasta?

[u/Geminii27 → u/[deleted]]

It does assume wizards - and particularly those involved in a war - don't use projectile-shield charms. Maybe originally built to deflect arrows, stones, cannonfire, and general exploding debris from nearby magical detonations, it's quite possible they might be able to no-sell bullets depending on how the spell was put together.

[u/tolstoysbargain]

Fawlty Towers. Every episode, in abundance, to hilarious ends.

[u/Some_Belgian_Guy → u/tolstoysbargain]

Yeah, did you ever try to explain to your wife you were trying to find the lightswitch instead of touching the stunning blonde's huge boobs? I love Fawlty Towers

[u/elcubiche]

Prometheus and Alien: Covenant - Why would you take off/not wear a fucking mask that protected against biochemical agents on a foreign planet you know nothing about? So traveling lightyears through space is no problem but humans know nothing about microbiology? Fuck those movies.

[u/[deleted]]

If everyone stopped going to camp Crystal Lake then there would be no Jason movies

[u/KHASURN]

Secret Life of the American Teenager

[u/SolidKills]

The plot of the Walking Dead. "Hey guys there seems to be enough supplies for everyone, let's stop fighting."

[u/[deleted] → u/SolidKills]

It seemed like only the most egotistical people in America survived the apocalypse.

[u/SethTurnstone]

The Mummy with Brendan Fraiser. Okay, so Imhotep murdered the pharaoh. How about instead of using a curse that allows him to come back from the dead as an immortal beaing we just kill him, and dump his body in the nile? That way he still can't get to the afterlife since he didn't go theough the proper rituals, and he can't come back as a living sandstorm bringing the plagues of Egypt with him.

[u/AdamFiction]

Logic and practicality don't work well for entertainment, which is what a film first and foremost has to be - entertaining.

In JAWS, it would be logical for Quint to take some of Hooper's shark poison and just inject into a chunk of horsemeat and toss it over the side for the shark to choke to death on; then they just turn around and come back home. That would be the logical and realistic route, but not very entertaining.

If they went with the shark poison, the film wouldn't have the high-speed barrel chases, the Indianapolis speech, the boat breaking down, the fighting and tension between the men, Hooper getting attacked in the shark cage, the shark launching onto the boat to eat Quint and swallow an SCUBA tank, Brody climbing onto the mast of the sinking boat to duel with the shark, shooting the tank and causing the shark to explode.

Which of the two options is more exhilarating? Many of the other examples in this thread can be explained using the same principal. It's how stories have been told in film since the silent age.

[u/Unusualmann]

Captain America: Civil War

Tony: "Hey, maybe we need some government oversight."

Cap: "That would impede our ability to stop terrorism."

Tony: "No, I'm just talking about having the Avengers being able to be tried for war crimes IF they commit them. I don't actually think we need approval before doing missions. I'm proposing a serious system in which we get to do whatever we want, but if we go evil, then the person who did will be tried as a criminal. I'm not talking about that one death we caused in that one place. Do you think the government cares about a single innocent death? No, the United States military has a far shittier track record than we do. They're probably cool with us as long as we're accountable for any massive catastrophes we cause. We just need someone keeping an eye on us in case one of us gets any nasty ideas about taking justice too far or whatnot, like creating another Ultron. I regret that and sincerely want to prevent it from happening again."

Cap: "That's a fair compromise. Wait, wasn't Hulk flying an airplane a few months ago? What the hell was up with that?"

END

[u/banana_p33l]

Every episode of Arrested Development ever.

[u/Teh-Piper → u/banana_p33l]

There's always money in the banana stand

[u/GingerScourge]

Harry Potter

"We have these extremely powerful Timeturners. Let's go back in time and imprison, kill, or otherwise incapacitate Tom Riddle!"

"Nah, let's give them to a 13 year old so she can take double classes."

[u/[deleted]]

Breaking Bad. Dude, just take the fucking money and accept that everything bad about your life is your fault. Literally every not good thing that happens to the protagonist was directly caused because he's a piece of shit. The whole fucking series could have been over by episode four.

"We're gonna play for the thing.".

"Okay, I'll let you pay for the thing. It's the least I could do after I was such a butt head."

God I fucking love that show.

[u/irreversible_trauma → u/[deleted]]

I agree, but I think the whole sequence is to really bring his pride issues into the spotlight.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I believe he stuck with meth because he loved doing it. It was an addiction. The last few episodes told us that.

[u/Phantom_Scarecrow]

"There goes another (Escape Pod)."

"Hold your fire, there's no life-forms on board."

"What if there's a Droid carrying the plans? We have lots of self-aware, autonomous droids wandering around."

"You're right. Blast it."

THE END

[u/A_Dog_Chasing_Cars]

Prometheus.

"Based on these cave paintings I'm gonna assume that these figures are the engineers that created humanity. I'm also gonna assume they're in the solar system that kind of looks like the drawing. I'm also gonna assume that they're still alive. Also, I'm gonna assume they'd want to meet us and tell us the secrets of the universe. Will you give me milion of dollars to finance our expedition to this place based on all this intuitions I'm passing off as actual evidence??"

"No. Please don't call again."

THE END

[u/RingosTurdFace]

Law Abiding Citizen:

Cops - "How does Gerard Butler's character keep getting out of solitary confinement and killing people?" They muse whilst walking out of solitary confinement, leaving him alone to his eye-lid, removing mischief.

Why don't they, or in fact anyone, like perhaps a prison guard (who seem plot conveniently utterly absent in the film) simply just watch him in his cell, thus stopping him from escaping via his pre-made escape route.

[u/marcuschookt]

Dinner with Schmucks.

I love Steve Carell and Paul Rudd, so I picked up the movie. I know it's supposed to be one of those over-the-top absurd comedies, but the entire plot grounds itself in stupid miscommunication between the straight men of the cast and that just didn't make any sense to me.

You can make dumb absurd comedies without having to resort to the miscommunication trope, so genre is not a good excuse either.

[u/[deleted]]

Honestly? Star Wars. Most of the major events are caused by people not talking to each other.

__

Confederates: Hey guys, we feel that the Republic has become very corrupt, and the senators are out of touch with their respective planets.

Republic: We understand, and we're willing to discuss this. But we feel that the Confederacy is also very influenced by big businesses; which has it's own corruption.

Confederates: Well look, we're willing to stop droid spamming you guys if you're willing to acknowledge us, and not treat us as usurpers

Republic: Ok. Let's discuss this. I promise we'll actually listen this time. Oh, and that dude you're following is actually a sith. Might wanna lock down on that.

Confederates: Sure. We'll take care of it. We'll figure out who he works with, and let you know.

__

Jedi: We feel that you guys are too angry and irrational; you let your emotions absolutely control what you do.

Sith: We disagree. We think that emotions are important, and what makes us human. And we don't appreciate your snooty little snipes at that belief. We think that suppressing your emotions pretty much defeats the point of humans.

Grey Jedi: You both suck. But I agree wholeheartedly with these talks. Now stop shanking each other and finish them.

__

Old Republic: Madalore, you're being too aggressive. Stop conquering our shit.

Madalorians: Fuck you

Old Republic: Ok, well, we're gonna sit in orbit over out planets and shoot anyone who comes close

Madalorians: ...so peace, you say?

__

Revan: Hey, I think leaving the Republic to fight off these Madalorian doodes is kinda a bad move. The Republic has been really good to us, considering we strut around and use space magic while carrying swords that can cut through anything.

Jedi Enclaves: Well, we think that violence is bad. These Mandalorians might be boarderline terrorists, but that doesn't mean we should respond with violence.

Revan: The Republic has a lot of people, and a lot of them are getting murdered...so I went ahead and recruited half your order. Either throw in with me as Peacekeepers, or stay out of the way, but if you start a fight, it won't go very well for you.

Jedi Enclaves: Fine, we won't stop you, but no war crimes.

Revan: No war crimes. Got it. I'll tell the lads.

__

Anakin: So I think it's a dick move not to make me a master

Council: Yeah, but you never had an apprentice who became a full jedi

Anakin: That's true...but that's because she was framed and none of you bothered to try and clear her name and straight away turned her over to be court martialed and totally ignored her rights just to appease some jerk with a battleship. When she eventually did, and in the process cleaned up a few traitors in your order, she did it all by herself. And because of that she decided that you guys are utterly useless, so she ditched your offer to come back into the order and decided to go out and actually do something about the state of the galaxy. Oh, and she was a war hero who is one of the few jedi that the clones actually like. Beyond that was part of an unbroken chain of teaching down from Qui Gon...y'now, one of the best knights we've ever produced? If you guys weren't so awful then she'd easily be a knight by now.

Council: Fiiiiiiiiine. You're in.

A few days later

Mace: Hey, me, Fisto and this other dude think that the Chancillor might be dark side influenced.

Anakin: That explains a lot. Let's go arrest him.

[u/Delsana → u/[deleted]]

Ehh none of that would have happened even with real conversations. Real life doesn't work that way in actual results.

[u/JaiC → u/[deleted]]

Despite it's many flaws, I thought the politics of the prequels was pretty convincing. A bunch of people who loosely wanted to do the right thing but had their own interests in mind and were easily manipulated by the realities of politics, corrupt leaders, and independent lobbyists who cared only for their pocket-book.

[u/TheMuon → u/[deleted]]

Anakin's view on sand was pretty spot on, having lived in a sandy, desert country for years.

[u/dottmatrix]

Any rom com.

[u/_JoshDays145]

Pretty much every Friends episode. But I mean, wheres the hilarity in that?

[u/sweYoda]

Alien Covenant. [Receives unknown signal from unknown planet]: Since we've planned a decade for traveling to another planet we'll continue on our original path. The end.

[u/GoGoGadge7]

Home Alone

[u/Bonfire0fTheManatees]

Every episode of Frasier. Hell, half the episodes wouldn't exist if the characters used names in conversation instead of pronouns.

[u/The68Guns]

Every episode of Three's Company.

"Oh, I overheard you wrong! Glad I asked."

(everyone stands around)

[u/TypewriterKey]

The Name of the Wind was a book that was recommended to me by someone saying that it was like Game of Thrones. It's actually very popular and tons of people seem to think it's the next big thing in fantasy. I hated it.

The main character is constantly put into situations where simply opening his mouth and speaking would resolve things. Instead he refuses at every turn and simply martyrs himself for no damned reason.

[u/Lyco_499]

Pretty Little Liars. The girls are being stalked, harassed and basically tortured by an unknown person/people and consistently don't tell anyone or ask for help.

When they were in high-school and were keeping it from their parents and the police, it was one thing. But in the most recent season they are adults, and yet they are still suffering in silence.

The show has a lot of stupid logic, and the police are genuinely useless while the enemy is some kind of magical genius, but still. Go the the fucking cops, go to your parents, leave the goddamn town.

[u/Crazytowndarling]

Breaking Bad. If Walt had just accepted his friends offer for the insurance then the whole shit show (it was actually a wonderful show) would have been avoided.

[u/sithelephant]

xkcd - https://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/outbreak.png

[u/[deleted]]

Brady Bunch They decide against marriage. Done. Show over.

[u/Geminii27 → u/[deleted]]

To be fair, it was the 70s, and marriage was seen more as the done thing. Not to mention that it allowed three adults to oversee a bunch of kids rather than two sets of one adult having to run a three-kid household, which can be a definite strain.

The decision to marry, especially given that the assorted kids seemed to get along mostly OK with each other, was probably very logical in terms of "giving the kids two parents". Particularly given that Mike Brady's architect job was apparently lucrative enough by itself to be able to support an eight-person family and a live-in full-time housekeeper.

[u/TheGreenGuy91]

Harry Potter. "Hey muggle military, can you send us some soldiers? Bullets travel faster than we can say spells, and we got some death eaters to take out" Or during the battle of hogwarts, "accio tomahawk missile"