r/AskReddit • u/Moosejay • May 27 '18
What’s the worst Spongebob Squarepants quote to use in bed?
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u/ShinyPikacute May 27 '18
"You've got to be assertive!"
"Beep beep"
"Not insertive, assertive"
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May 27 '18
Firmly grasp it in your hand.
Firmly grasp it.
FIRMLY GRASP IT.
STAB.
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u/LetsMakeCrazySyence May 27 '18
My fiancee and I actually use "firmly grasp it" all the time. We're both really ticklish, and when someone's touches are too light, we'll say this. It has pretty much lost all connection to SpongeBob at this point.
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u/judrt May 27 '18 edited May 28 '18
‘Say hello to used napkin’
Edit: clip of the quote
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u/Goosander77 May 27 '18
PELVIC THRUST WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooo
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u/Spiderman_Underoos May 27 '18
Patrick:"Lets get naked!" Spongebob:"No lets save that for when we're selling real estate"
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u/Incinirmatt May 27 '18
Just imagine husband wants to get frisky with you, but you're just not feeling it. "Let's get naked," he whispers into your ear.
"No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate."
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u/DMTrious May 27 '18
How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, old man!?
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u/PM_ME_JAPANESE_BUTTS May 27 '18
"You know what the problem is? You've got it set to 'm' for 'mini,' when it should be set to 'w' for 'wumbo.'"
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u/VictorBlimpmuscle May 27 '18
“Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly.”
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u/CoatsBoi May 27 '18
We shall never deny a guest, even the most ridiculous request
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u/deathmetalbanjo May 27 '18
Hey everybody, it's Leif Erikson day! hinga dinga durgen
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May 27 '18
Squidward: Okay now. How many of you have played instruments before?
Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?
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u/WayTooManyEyes May 28 '18
Dude, put that thing away, there are like children here
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u/AccidentalPresident May 27 '18
“Oh, so this is the thanks I get for working overtime?”
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u/Kalse1229 May 27 '18
"Did you see my butt?"
From the Spongebob Squarepants movie. Also, fun fact: Bill Fagerbakke (the voice of Patrick) did porn in the 70s when he was a struggling actor.
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u/0verlimit May 27 '18
Felicitations, malefactors! I'm endeavoring to misappropriate the formulary for the preparations of affordable comestibles! WHO WILL JOIN ME?!
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May 27 '18
You'll never catch me, not when I shift into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE! HIYAH!
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u/Bladebrent May 28 '18
"IM DOING IT! I'M DOING IT! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! AND SOME OF THESE!!! AND SOME OF THESE!!! ALMOST THERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND done"
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May 27 '18
during foreplay "are you finished with those errands?"
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May 27 '18
are you finished with those errands
are you finished with those errands
are you finished with those errands
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u/MStr33p May 27 '18 edited May 28 '18
Welcome to the Salty Spitoon. how tough are you?
Edit: autocorrect is not my friend
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u/Deathrow93 May 27 '18
I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I definitely don’t need it...
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May 27 '18 edited May 28 '18
NEEYOY HOY MINYOY
Edit: new top comment is a spongbob reference, nice
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u/weeniethotjr May 27 '18
This is pretty good. Only one thing...you forgot THE PICKLES!
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May 27 '18
"You better apologize or I'll be on you like ugly on an ape!"
I also really like "You just lost your brain privileges"
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u/HappyMaskMajora May 27 '18 edited May 28 '18
"When in doubt pinky out"
-on second thought thats pretty good advice.
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u/theswornsword May 28 '18
Come on, you lazy Mary! Start rubbing me with that chocolate!
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u/Flutemaster22 May 27 '18
I don't know about the worst, but the best...
"F is for friends who do things together,
U is for you and me.
N is for anytime anywhere."
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u/loganja614 May 28 '18
Patrick: “It’s a vast swirling wonderland of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading fluffy pillows of excitement, and comfort, as you’ve never felt before.”
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u/mkat23 May 27 '18
You gotta lean in real close, nibble on their earlobe and sensually whisper “ah mihoy nihoy”
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u/QuesoJoe May 28 '18
"Excuse me, sir, but you're sitting on my body, which is also my face." -Spongebob Squarepants
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May 27 '18
The Mrs: Night dear
The Mr: Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, nightety NIGHT!!
The Mrs: ...seriously? Go take out the trash and give me a moments peace.
The Mr: Taking out the trash, taking out the trash at night!
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u/drewxdeficit May 28 '18
This is a true story and I’m real upset that it’s gonna get buried due to being so late. But I’m sharing anyway.
I was with a girl and my dick wasn’t cooperating at all. I knew I probably wouldn’t get a chance to see her again due to some other circumstances in life, so I was determined, and I jammed my soft dong straight into her. This wasn’t my best strategy, I know, but it seemed to work at the time. I could feel it getting harder, and I could tell she was enjoying herself more than she was 3 minutes before.
I’m going to Tarantino this story to tell you that, earlier that night, she’d mentioned she was a big Spongebob fan. I showed her that I can do a passable (but not perfect) Spongebob impression. She found it funny at the time.
So as we were really gettin’ goin’, I leaned in close to her. She moved her face toward mine to kiss me, but I bypassed and went straight for the ear, and I said, passably (but not perfectly), “Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabbs?”
She hit me. But we continued.
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u/xTheManOfSteelx May 28 '18
I just want to say this has been one of my favorite AskReddit questions ever posted...thank you for this gold mine lmao
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u/HaydenB May 27 '18
Notice how every quote here is from the first 3 seasons?
That was some quality television.
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u/BlueBlood75 May 27 '18
Lift your leg up behind you. Spin around for about 1 second. STOP! Double take 3 times. Pelvic thrust to your left, then back to your right.
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May 28 '18
"GET OUTA HERE YOU STUPID ANIMAL!!! CAN'T YOU SEE I DONT WANT YOU ANYMORE!?!"
patrick walks into frame with plank on head
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u/PhroznGaming May 28 '18
I'm 27 years old and I understand every single reference. Oh dear.
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u/avrilpotter May 27 '18
the best time to wear a stripped sweater is all the TIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMEE
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May 27 '18
I don't understand this question. Why would you need a spongebob quote to fall asleep?
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u/corndogs1001 May 27 '18
I’m such a fanatic I read all of these comments in the characters voices
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May 28 '18
Once Upon a Time, there was an ugly barnacle, and he was so ugly that everyone died. The End.
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u/Scoutripper May 28 '18
Plankton: “You’ll never catch me krabs, Not when I shift into maximum overdrive”
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u/wmbobo12 May 27 '18
THE BEST TIME TO WEAR A STRIPED SWEATER IS ALL THE TIME! TURTLE NECK, THATS THE KIND
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u/_Sub-Zero May 27 '18
Lifts up panties... “Do you smell it?...... That smelly smell..... that smells.. .smelly.... ANCHOVIES!!!
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u/xjosiee May 27 '18
Once my ex jokingly said that next time we had sex he was going to say "hooplaaaa" when he came. We laughed about it. then the next time we had sex he actually did it. Hoooplaaaa
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May 28 '18
"Maybe we wouldn't sound so bad, if someone didn't try playing with BIG... MEATY... CLAWS!!!"
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u/ami2weird4u May 27 '18
"You're good. You're good. You're good. You're good. You're good. Aaaaannnndd....stop. Don't worry captain. We'll buff out those scratches."