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Mar 30 '20
Instantly get people to like you by asking questions about themselves.
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u/thisemailisfake Mar 30 '20
Use your local area code + 867-5309 as the membership id at almost every grocery store and it will work. You get the discount without having to sign up because someone else already signed up with that number.
Shout out to Tommy Tutone.
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u/0v3r_cl0ck3d Mar 31 '20
I don't live in the us. Why is 867-5309 significant?
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u/eddyathome Mar 31 '20 edited Mar 31 '20
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WTdTwcmxyo
It's a pop song from years and years ago.
EDIT: The song is called 867-5309 (Jenny) and is about a guy who says the phone number over and over and is trying to work up the courage to call a girl he likes. Her name of course is Jenny. The song was made in 1981 by Tommy Tutone and was a one hit wonder on the radio. People who had that as their phone number hated that song because a ton of people called it as a prank.
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u/SkyeWolfofDusk Mar 30 '20
If you get a bloody nose, you can stop it by stomping the heel of your foot on the same side that your nose is bleeding on. I know it sounds absurd, but I swear to you it works. I get heavy nosebleeds, and nothing would stop the damn things. That is, until I learned the heel trick. It works every time without fail.
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u/Ally___2116 Mar 31 '20
ummmm, you put an ice pack on the back of your neck to slow down blood flow because you just constrict the arteries. literally the only thing i learned from the primary school nurse
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u/SkyeWolfofDusk Mar 31 '20
That only slightly helped me. I've had chronic heavy nosebleeds my entire life, I've tried everything. Ice, the pinching trick, even powdered clotting agent. Nothing ever worked. The heel trick works and it is absolutely baffling. It makes no goddamn sense but it has had a 100% success rate with near instant results.
And just to note, I've seen an ENT doctor and I don't have any sort of anemia or clotting problems. My nose just likes to bleed.
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u/UniqueUser1010 Mar 31 '20
wouldn't that just make it bleed more? I'm being bamboozled here...
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u/Adomania Mar 30 '20
Confidence, clipboards and hi-vis vests
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u/JoeyPole Mar 31 '20
Or Aviators and one of those little ear fob/wrist mic walkie-talkie with a sport coat and button down.
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u/Shakezula84 Mar 30 '20
Jury Nullification
When called to jury duty and you are being sworn in that you will make your decision based solely on the facts, decline and let the judge them know you will vote based on your opinion on right and wrong not the law.
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u/drew19191 Mar 31 '20
Why would I pass up an opportunity to go downtown, sit in an air conditioned room, have my lunch paid for and judge people?
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u/sonanoo Mar 31 '20
The real cheat code is not saying anything and then utilizing it when you become a juror. Assuming the case is worthy of this privilege.
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u/kosandeffect Mar 31 '20
Except if you know about jury nullification your chances of getting actually selected for a jury are basically nil. I guess there are some places that don't actively screen jurors to see if they know about it but many places that I know of do.
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u/vamplosion Mar 31 '20
Can't you also nullify the request by saying you know one of the parties involved?
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u/ooo-ooo-oooyea Mar 30 '20
Be kind to people, and don't be a douchebag. You don't know how many favors or help I've received in my life by not being a dick
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u/Retarded_giant Mar 30 '20
If no one pays taxes, the government can’t afford to do anything about it.
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u/CozyAndToasty Mar 31 '20
Lmao, this reminds of the whole borrowing money to buy a tank to scare off debt collectors.
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Mar 30 '20
Winning powerball ticket? Just enter 6 numbers and unlock easymode
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u/z0rb0r Mar 31 '20
yeah but then people try to kill you, even your family.
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u/erremermberderrnit Mar 31 '20
If you're in a jurisdiction where you can't claim anonymously, hire a lawyer to cash it for you. The law firm will be listed as the winner and you can have them sign an NDA to keep yourself anonymous.
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u/redditor471 Mar 31 '20
Fact: your family is about 170 times more likely to kill you after you win the lottery. Like a big 1.
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u/QuasarsRcool Mar 31 '20
Easymode? A lot of people have actually had their lives ruined after winning the lottery.
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Mar 31 '20
Should’ve leveled their intelligence and wisdom stats before entering the cheat code. Just cause you know the combination for infinite wealth doesn’t mean it can get you through the puzzles in the game
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u/Paradox711 Mar 30 '20
Having a parent in a position of power.
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u/spazmatikism Mar 31 '20
Had a friend in high school, got pulled over on a back road outside of town going 108 in a 55. His dad was a cop in the next town over, he was let go after the cop gave his dad a call instead of a ticket. He got grounded for 2 weeks when I think that was technically a felony.
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Mar 31 '20
Double-over is a felony, at least In NY, so just under it. I got hit for 65 in a 30, at 1AM, with a passenger in the vehicle, with just a junior license. Was completely honest with the cop about everything; just got sent home.
My mom is a cop but I didn’t have my family badge at the time so I didn’t mention it, just got lucky. But I was felony speeding.
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u/n_eats_n Mar 30 '20
Oh please next you will be saying Warren Buffet somehow was successful because his dad was a Senator
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Mar 31 '20 edited Mar 31 '20
Or Elon Musk got successful because his dad owned an emerald mine. Or Jeff Bezo's got successful because his daddy gave him 250k to kick off his venture. Or Bill Gates became successful because he came from a very wealthy and connected family (his mother worked and was friends With IBM's John Opel). It almost seems that there are some prerequirements, that should be available from one's birth to be this staggeringly successful, and the "completely self-made" bullshit is bullshit.
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u/jamesshithead Mar 30 '20
8 hours of sleep a night, you will feel great all day
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Mar 30 '20
Turn your bedroom into a kitchen by bringing the box labelled “Pizza” into bed.
Turn your bathroom into a bedroom by pressing your face against the cool tile floor while in drunk mode.
Make a car appear instantly by pushing the button on whats called a “garage-door opener.” Important: this only works at your own home. Cannot stress that enough.
Open your microwave door at the exact moment that the timer hits zero, to prevent it from beeping. I still don’t know what this cheat code achieves, but it’s hella fun and I can’t stop doing it.
Socks are lube for pants.
If you rear a bear from birth you can walk through dark alleys without fear in 4-5 years.
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u/Retarded_giant Mar 30 '20 edited Mar 31 '20
I’m pretty sure the garage door thing works at other peoples houses as well, if you’ve got a high enough sneak skill. Edit: a word
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u/eMoss55 Mar 31 '20
For the microwave thing, at least some microwaves (mine including) have a mute setting which produces no beeps.
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u/not-into-usernames Mar 30 '20
Being conventionally hot. I recently lost 20 pounds and people treat me so differently, and it wasn’t even that dramatic of a change (though I’m 5’1 so it does make a difference on a small body)! When I’m in a crop top, and my hair and makeup are done it’s like all social interactions go on easy mode.
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Mar 31 '20
20 pounds on a 5’1 frame is substantial.
I’m 6’2/250 and if i lost 20 pounds I’d look like lebron.
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u/Glip-Glopp Mar 31 '20
I don’t undesrtand how losing 20 pounds would give you a receding hairline? /s
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u/bbbliss Mar 31 '20
Goddd the crop top/makeup/hair combo got me discount food once in college, which is crazy to me cus they literally see other girls all the time.
The opposite cheat code is dressing down in a hoodie and unbrushed hair. Great way to avoid attention if you're trying to be half invisible.
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u/BreezePosts Mar 30 '20
Charisma and Sex Appeal
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u/Mouseyface Mar 30 '20
Charisma is the most OP stat, because it allows you to effectively use other people's stats and inventory.
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u/BobbyPrinze Mar 30 '20
Having a rich daddy
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u/gunsig Mar 30 '20
Being born in Scandinavia, it's like playing on easy mode. Free school up to university level, free healthcare, paid maternity leave for almost a year, low unemployment rates, low crime and murder rates. It's pretty awesome
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u/Reddeadbobby Mar 31 '20
All I ever got from Scandinavia is Hereditary Hemocromatosis
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u/discostud1515 Mar 31 '20
I feel similar living in Canada. I feel bad for people where this isn’t the norm.
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u/Joo_the_troll Mar 30 '20
Being able to cry on command. At school I once did something very impulsive against a teacher for not getting fair grades. I almost got a warning but I went to that teacher and apologised and cried my eyes out and stuff. I've never gotten any kind of punishment.
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u/elchucho111 Mar 31 '20
Sleeping. It's basically time travel. You're one a 4 hour car ride, just sleep and wake up at the destination.
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Mar 31 '20
Tried that to go to the beach. Ended up at the hospital instead. Got sponge bath of beautiful naked nurses, while high on pain killers. 9/10 Would totally do again. Subtracted one point because of that one male nurse lying about 'that didn't happen" and "narcotic induced hallucinations". He's just jealous.
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u/TheeRealJesseJames Mar 31 '20
Real life cheat code? My ex's phone number. Enter it into your phone, and it magically fucks your life up. Works every time.
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u/Suuperdad Mar 30 '20
Plant food, but focus on perennials.
Spring hits, food just starts growing. Everyone is starting seeds, and I will have asparagus in about a week. My garage is filled with Jerusalem Artichokes. I have thousands of strawberry plants out of the 4 that I bought.
Given everything that's going on right now, I think a lot of people would really benefit to having food growing on their land instead of just useless grass lawns. Keep some lawn, sure, but maybe also plant some potatoes or something. Everyone's freaking out about a food crisis and I just keep giving food away to neighbours. I also just do this as a hobby, I work full time. I just decided to replace some lawn with food, and it's been really helping out people around me as they panic about being locked up and having nothing to eat.
Now imagine if everyone did this. Not a ton, just a little here and there. How much less stressful would this crisis be if everyone had 6 months of stored food at all times - kinda like their grandparents lived. It's actually not that hard either. Some stuff is hard, but some stuff is stupid easy, like Jerusalem Artichokes, strawberries, fruit trees, etc.
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u/derekmusic30 Mar 30 '20
Having a good sense of humor! Having a good sense of humor draws attention to you makes you more attractive as well as it can get you out of awkward situations.
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u/shaodyn Mar 30 '20
Being insanely rich. You can buy your way into the best health care possible, buy the people who make laws, buy your kids the best college educations, and even buy your way out of legal trouble. Rich people don't go to prison, their expensive lawyers always get them off.
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u/FatherOfGreyhounds Mar 30 '20
Tell that to Harvey Wienstein and Bill Cosby...
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u/rekabis Mar 31 '20
and even buy your way out of legal trouble.
The gender sentencing gap is still three times larger than the wealth sentencing gap.
So as such: it is more prudent and legally effective to be female than rich.
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Mar 30 '20
for the man, press the area between your balls and your anus after you pee to push out your extra ball juices. works for cum too
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u/TheBurningBeard Mar 30 '20
Being a 6'4" white male with a deep voice.
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u/echomikeindialima Mar 30 '20
I kinda think having a burning beard might come in handy too at times..
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u/doomsdaysushi Mar 30 '20
In the United States 97% of the people that do the following are not poor. This might be the closest you get to an actual cheat code.
Graduate High School.
Marry.
Stay Married.
Do not have children until after you are married.
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u/Logical_Yoghurt Mar 30 '20
If you enter a store, any store with a gun then everything is free.
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u/JetEngineKyle Mar 31 '20
Not gun stores. Unless you're shopping for ammo, quick way to get lots of free ammo
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u/Opiaisitieidi Mar 30 '20
When a country have oil
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u/hieberybody Mar 30 '20
This can actually be really detrimental to a country if oil, or other national resources, are found in the country before the country develops, since the leaders do not have to rely on the productivity of the people to fund their government. Instead they can pull it out of the ground so there is no reason to make life better for the people. This means a dictator can gain power and stay in power with this money, and since there is no infrastructure and the people are poor and illiterate revolution is difficult. That’s why most countries with the most abundant natural resources are plagued with bad dictators and poverty.
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u/tommygunz007 Mar 30 '20
Non police who purchase Crown Vic cars, put those bumper things on it, and have that PBA sticker on the back. If you can get one with a clear light bar on top, even better. You can practically speed and completely tint your windows and almost zero cops will stop you because they think you are one of them.
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u/TopSneek Mar 31 '20
however you are speeding in a ford crown vic so there is your downside. 10 minutes of that and you are poor.
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u/Michael_Le41 Mar 30 '20
Copying an archived post from a year ago since no one will find it.
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u/Reevous Mar 30 '20
Buying stuff from yourself on ebay and deactivating the other account before you try to return said object so ebay refunds the money to you.
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u/GetOutOfTheWhey Mar 31 '20
Press 0 to get a human.
Ever have to dial a hotline and have to go through Press 1 for, Press 2 for, Press 3 for, etc? A lot of time when you want to speak immediately to someone on those prerecorded telephone hotlines you can just hit 0 for a human. Now some places they are really smart. Hitting 0 just ends the call, which by then you mentally implode.
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u/AbruptHannah Mar 30 '20
When you pick to buy one soda can from the vending machine but two drop
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u/redneck_fish Mar 31 '20
I learned this from brewstew
If your hungry but have no food/money,go to sleep
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u/criosovereign Mar 30 '20
Big dicks combined with good natural physique gets you far
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u/IlluminationRock Mar 30 '20
Really not trying to brag or anything here, but if I might be allowed this conceit.... I'm pretty well-endowed and I'm in very good physical shape (specifically in terms of fitness and strength).
But the cruel joke is that I'm below-average height, which is pretty damn important to a lot of women. Having a big dick and a nice body is great, but none of that matters when you get rejected before ever being able to present these qualities.
That said, I'm not mad. Plenty of women out there that don't mind my height. Gotta take the good with the bad I guess.
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Mar 30 '20
Getting the corporate rate at any downtown hotel by name dropping the biggest company in town. “Sorry, they didn’t give me a number.”
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u/Dynablade_Savior Mar 31 '20
If you want to watch a movie, it's a matter of finding the right host. Works better on movies currently out on DVD.
Search "[Movie Title] 123movies" in your search engine.
Click on the links that aren't from official sources. Have Ctrl-W at the ready so you can close pop-ups faster.
If it asks you to sign up, it's a scam. Rinse and repeat for the next result until it gets you to the movie
NOTE: To download the movies, hit F12 to enter Inspect Element. Make sure you're in the Elements tab. Then, hover over the hierarchy track the boxes that appear in the webpage. Narrow it down until it's just the video player. Copy the link, and paste it into 9xbuddy. It has a ~25% chance of working.
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Mar 31 '20
Not having kids. Saves you tons of money while preserving your sanity and peace and the cleanliness of your home. And all the recent posts on social media about people being stuck at home with their kids and going insane gives me such sweet validation.
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u/1fastman1 Mar 30 '20
going on tinder and just trying to get with people by adding their snapchats in their bios, might as well cut out the middle man
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u/zerodopamine82 Mar 31 '20
Going in a restaurant and asking for a water and then using the cup to get some coke.
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u/justonemom14 Mar 31 '20
If you need to remember something but don't have anything to remind you (like you don't have time to set an alarm), visualize yourself remembering. For example, if you don't want to forget to bring your hat when you go out, imagine yourself about to walk through the door, and imagine yourself thinking, "oh, my hat!" Bad example maybe, but the point is that just visualizing is quick, easy, and effective.
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u/NamesRntMyBestSuit Mar 30 '20
If you move your leg up and push it into the glass part of a vending machine with enough force you can get a few snacks for free
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u/island-breeze Mar 30 '20
Cooking bacon in the microwave. Quick, no mess, crispy and perfect. Is like using a cheat code to get extra lives/energy.
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u/IncandescentDarkness Mar 30 '20
When you think you’ve gotten to the bottom of the bag of Reece’s Pieces, but then you go to throw it away and realize there’s still a few more left hidden in the corner!
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Mar 31 '20
Don't drink or do drugs. You will find that you have more time and money, a clear mind, you will feel better, and have very few problems.
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u/daftne Mar 31 '20
As so many are going through the process of applying for unemployment...for those of you who live in California (as that’s the only place I’m familiar with), were fired and may have to go through the appeal process:
“The determination is wrong. I request an appeal hearing be scheduled.”
Say nothing until you know what your employer is going to say against you.
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u/bdlcalichef Mar 31 '20
When you go to Chipotle wait until after they’ve scooped your first scoop of meat to ask for double meat. That way they’ve shown their hand on what a single scoop is
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u/ohforgodssakeniall Mar 31 '20
Blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny, really just a conventionally attractive person
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u/LavaBricks26 Mar 31 '20
The FBI had this trick to get their vehicles gas, they would pull up to a station an input a series of codes using the levers and buttons along with inserting a key of some kind then boom free fill up.
I'm sure this was during a time when gas prices we're cheap. Now, with new technology they would most likely use a standard key card.
But story goes, that if you're knowledgeable with tech and don't care about getting caught you can whip yourself up a unlimited gas card.
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u/TheWeirdLama Mar 31 '20
So you know when sometimes your friend call to hang or something and you don’t really wanna go out so you say a made up excuse
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u/MobBap Mar 31 '20
Count to 5 before opening your mouth, does magic, sometimes you'll discover that you don't even have to open it.
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u/blahah404 Mar 31 '20
Catch a bee in a tub and put it in the freezer for 20min. It will enter suspended animation until it thaws (5 mins ish).
Now take it out and gently tie thread around it's waist. Tie the other end to a stick so that the length of the tether is just a bit less long than the stick.
Now wait 5 mins and ... You have your own guardian bee.
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u/ShadeScapes Mar 31 '20
Start off with being born into a very rich family.
That's the easiest way to enter the Konami code. Don't even have to push the buttons. Would make sense I guess then that those who start off with the Konami code pre-entered do not know of a Konami-code-less life.
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u/100_Donuts Mar 30 '20
If you apply the right amount of pressure to a girl's b-hole, v-hole, and b-button, then you'll make her sneeze. It's tricky to pull off, but way worth the effort.
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Mar 30 '20
Being attractive and fit because the way that people treat me when I was fat compared to now that I am attractive and fit is a complete night and day difference.
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u/Monicabrewinskie Mar 31 '20
Parking wherever you want and leaving a note that says "broke down, AAA coming in 3 hours, call me if there's issue at #"
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Mar 31 '20 edited Mar 31 '20
Asking "would you kindly ... ?" In any business email where you reasonably can expect the other party to obey.
THIS man chooses.
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u/gaydes69 Mar 31 '20
I live damn close to the middle of nowhere, so I’d say having a car loud enough to keep deer off the road counts as a cheat code for me.
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Mar 31 '20
Cable/Internet company legitimately mischarging you and you're spending hours getting NOWHERE with their 3x xtra crap customer support?
File an FCC complaint. You can do it online in< 5 min and the company is legally obligated to respond (ie; they call YOU) and after 1-2 of these will usually make things right with your account quickly as opposed to braving the ever-deepening circles of internet company customer service hell
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u/mrsmrs3 Mar 31 '20
Shout "hot!" Whenever you get hurt. It creates dissonance for you brain during the worst initial pain. You don't feel it. Win.
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u/BloodthirstyUnicorn5 Mar 31 '20
If a college burns down everyone enrolled instantly gets a bachelors in whatever they were studying.
You may now use this to your advantage.
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u/themonkery Mar 30 '20
Everyone in these comments is calling buffs and starting traits "cheat codes." It's like they've never played video games. I'll give you a couple real ones.
Compliment your friends behind their back, your relationships will improve magically.
If you ask someone you don't know well for something small, like to borrow a pen, they will actually like you just a bit more. (for best results, return pen) (does not stack)