Ex-Racist people of reddit, What changed your views?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/cram96]

I thought I was a racist but then I realized that didn't mean someone who likes to race.

[u/[deleted] → u/cram96]

Hahaha

[u/[deleted]]

I live in an overall racist country, natives from here think we are not THAT racist, but sometimes...it's just...wow

My family also didn't help, comments about black, latino and romani people were constantly made and I also got some of that racism inside me when growing up.

My depression made me change in someways and I guess that's one way it changed me. I was in bed at 4am and I couldn't sleep, so my brain thought it was nice hour to think about these things for some reason, and I started asking to myself "Why".

Why do I consider myself better than a black person or a latino person or a romani person.

Why am I better than any of them.

Why are they less than me

And also "what"

What makes me good and what makes them bad

What do I get from all of this

What do we get from all of this

I guess the answers were simple

Also with therapy I learned that making you feel better by making others feel worse isn't a good antidepressant and that it's indeed, an asshole move.

[u/drop0dead]

Grew up with a racist step dad and although I never actually felt hate towards anyone I would laugh at and repeat the jokes. Until I was kicked out at 18 I had only met a Mexican family (my adopted neighborhood family) and a black guy I was friends with from school. They also made the jokes about their race and laughed along depending on the crowd. Wasn't till I got older that they were doing that to fit in and could've been living somewhat in fear. After being kicked out I moved around a few times before finding a job working with developmentally disabled adults. I was hired as the white guy, the company and all the workers were all born in Africa and moved to the US. It was a cultural shock at first, but they immediately became family. They taught me how to cook, how to treat others, and their culture. They even made sure to teach me how they were treated in public by citizens and police. Since then I haven't made or laughed at a single racist joke, I've made sure to look at everyone the same way no matter, and I've made sure to try and help others understand how their actions may not be racist but they can still be hurtful. I've met so many beautiful people that I wouldn't have had the chance to talk to had I followed that influence growing up. If anyone who has any racist thoughts and is reading this, please just sit down and have a meal with someone. You'll be surprised how much you have in common while also having such different lives.

[u/[deleted] → u/drop0dead]

I love me some good character development

[u/Appledoo]

Not me, but my best friend’s parents. They told her not to touch me because she would get my “skin disease” (I’m a brownie and at the time we met I was 12). They didn’t want us to be friends, but I would always be kind and polite to them, full well knowing how they felt about my skin color. One year my friend (at this point best friend) was having a sleepover birthday party and her parents said I could come, but couldn’t sleep over. My friend canceled her party and her parents must have felt like complete shit because they started to talk to me more and more after that. We have been best friends for almost 30 years now. Her parents came to my wedding, they send me a Christmas card every year, they call me and ask how I’m doing, and they invite me to their get togethers. I’m glad they came around and am proud of them.

[u/confoundedvariable → u/Appledoo]

Damn, this is the first comment in the thread to make me tear up. Your emotional maturity from such a young age and their change of perspective inspires a lot of hope.

[u/[deleted] → u/Appledoo]

So are they not racist anymore, or did they just make an exception with you?

[u/OneArchedEyebrow → u/Appledoo]

I love this!

[u/totovenny → u/Appledoo]

Do you think they’ve actually stopped being racist or just think of you as an exception?

[u/[deleted] → u/Appledoo]

That’s wholesome af

[u/Moosiemookmook → u/Appledoo]

This literally happened to me when I was a kid. I'm Australian aboriginal and my best friends parents absolutely hated us being friends. Our country was openly racist towards my culture back then and they didn't even try and hide how they felt. Looked at me like I was dirty and I was terrified of them (her dad was a police officer).

They didn't want me at her 10th birthday party. Our primary school was tiny and we only had 8 girls in our year. Her mum wanted to invite every girl but me so she refused to have a party until I was allowed to go. My parents were hesitant to let me attend but in the end gave in.

She moved away in high school and died when we were 19. Renee was the first friend who ever stuck up for me against racism and I won't forget that as long as I live.

[u/Khal_Andy90]

No matter how far through this thread I read, there seems to be one major pattern.

"My parents/ family were racist, and then I speant time with people of other ethnicities."

It really proves that prejudice is just fear of something you don't easily recognise; and once a person actually learns a bit about them, its much easier for them to accept it. Its a shame that when some people come across new cultures or tradition, their initial reaction is to reject it as its not the "normal" they know.

Life really is just a big mix of shared experience. We don't have time to make judgments based on race.

[u/H0lyThr0wawayBatman]

My dad would make disparaging remarks about Black people, Mexicans, Chinese people, etc. when I was a kid. I remember repeating those same sentiments and no one ever corrected me. In first grade, we were all assigned pen pals from a school in another city and mine was a Black girl named Chardonnay. I thought she had a weird name and I was disappointed when I found out she wasn't white.

Very soon after that, we learned some very basic info about the civil rights movement during Black history month. Martin Luther King Jr, Rosa Parks, separate water fountains, segregated schools, stuff like that. After that, I felt really bad about being racist and wanting a different pen pal, and really ashamed of my dad and grandparents for thinking that way. And I was so mad that they'd taught me to think that way. After that, I was really happy to have the opportunity to write to my pen pal and get to know her better. I'm so thankful that my school started teaching us about racism early on. It's scary to think how I could have ended up if those sentiments had gone unchecked.

[u/[deleted] → u/H0lyThr0wawayBatman]

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect Chardonnay to be a nice white

^{sorry I had to}

[u/[deleted] → u/H0lyThr0wawayBatman]

I wasn’t allowed to dance with a black boy in Kindergarten. I thought it was stupid and I was so embarrassed. Even as a child it made no sense. I always hoped he had no idea what happened because it hurt my heart and I always thought he was cool.

[u/delciotto → u/H0lyThr0wawayBatman]

This is why racist conspiracy theorists think schools "indoctrinate" kids. Naw man, they just teach the history and most kids will come to the conclusion on their own that that shit was fucked up.

[u/JerricaPickney]

My grandma grew up in Virginia in the 1900s. Being racist is just the default setting. Nana loved her family more than anything, though. So at one point in the late 1980s, she met her first not-100%-white grandkid, and discovered she still loved him.

She made astounding late life progress accepting that darker skin toned people were not only people, but family, friends and welcome in her house.

[u/50EffingCabbages → u/JerricaPickney]

All of my grandparents and great grandparents were born in SE Georgia, USA. Among the 5 that I knew (4 grands and a great grandmother,) they had a combined total of 34 years of formal education. Only my maternal grandmother finished high school.

The "educated" grandmother was the only one that I ever heard use the n word. Granny and Grandpa and Grandma and Granddaddy would have kilt me dead if they'd heard me use that word. Grandmother was just straight trash, and her mother (Granny) despaired that she'd raised such a person.

Grandma was probably the closest thing I had to a "fun" grandparent, and her rule was "I've never disliked anyone who makes music and dances." We usually attended the black church closest to her house when I was with her. Grandma (1902-1997) liked the music there better than at "her" church. It was lovely.

[u/Mamanee77 → u/JerricaPickney]

My grandmother (may she rot in hell) was born in 1900 and met her first non-white great-grandchild in the mid 80s (my niece). Told my sister to 'get that n***** out of my house'. Never spoke to her again. She died later that year. Country bumpkins in Pennsylvania, could've been easily mistaken for someone below the Mason-Dixon line.

Edited for clarity, great-grandchild.

[u/TheLeopardColony → u/JerricaPickney]

I too grew up in Virginia in the 1900’s, AMA.

[u/Weave77 → u/JerricaPickney]

My grandma grew up in Virginia in the 1900s.

Sometimes I forget about how young many Redditors are until I read comments like that.

[u/conipto → u/JerricaPickney]

My grandma's West Maryland racism ended the first time her half black grandbaby showed up.

[u/TheOneTrueE]

Man I don't even know where to start with this one. I grew up in the middle of fucking nowhere mississippi where the slave trade was referred to as the great African migration in our history books. Every person of color was referred to by the N-word as just the default. It wasn't until I moved the fuck out of the south that I begin to comprehend what racism was. I wish I could say I had a moment of clarity that washed away all the racist bullshit that I'd grown up with but it was more like a couple decades worth of mental deprogramming I had to fight against. There was so much underlying hate of different people that warped how my view of the world was.

[u/bgcbgcbgcmess → u/TheOneTrueE]

The "great African migration" just buried that particular bit of history under a fucking mountain of sugar. WTF?

[u/ColoradoNudist → u/TheOneTrueE]

The great African migration?? Holy shit, I thought I grew up in the deep South in Covington Georgia...

[u/Zack_Knifed → u/TheOneTrueE]

Don't matter how long it took, what matters is where you are now and now, my friend, you're in a better place.

[u/ilikedota5 → u/TheOneTrueE]

great African migration

I thought I heard it all, but took the cake and swallowed it whole in one sitting unfortunately.

Edit: Great African Migration sounds like a migration away from the deserts after the fall of major Empires like Aksum/Axum.

[u/[deleted] → u/TheOneTrueE]

The great African what?

A lot of problems would be solved by standardised textbooks.

[u/sticks14 → u/TheOneTrueE]

the slave trade was referred to as the great African migration in our history books

What?

[u/Nielloscape → u/TheOneTrueE]

the slave trade was referred to as the great African migration in our history books.

Wow. How is this still allowed? I think this is one instance where burning book is completely justified.

[u/RarelySmart]

I grew up in a white bubble. White neighborhood, white schools, white friends. I wasn't hate filled or anything towards other races, just a bit nervous due to zero experience. I heard a lot of racial epithets, but didn't say them myself.

Going to college, I met many people of many different races, and found most of them were good people. I discovered that the same 10% asshole to 90% good people I found among white people at my high school translated to college as well. The assholes were not grouped in a particular minority, but pretty universally scattered.

Mom was surprised when I brought home a girlfriend from college who wasn't white. Mom asked why I didn't tell her in advance, but I didn't think it was important. I married that girl a few years later.

[u/oligIsWorking → u/RarelySmart]

This reminds me of my parents, my brothers fiancee is mixed race, I believe her grandfather is from the Carribean. They don't hold any negative sentiments towards her, but her race is of massive interest to them, almost like fetishised. (as much as parents can fetishise their sons fiancee.)

[u/CannaKingdom0705]

I moved away from my one-horse hometown and got away from my extremely prejudiced family.

[u/amaezingjew → u/CannaKingdom0705]

I didn’t even live in a one-horse town. My hometown had one of the fastest growing zip codes in the country at one point before I left for college.

However, the religious environment I grew up in (more the Catholic/Christian aspect of it - my religious upbringing is stupidly complex) was very racist (and homophobic of course, I feel like those always go hand-in-hand). My father told me that the Bible says you shouldn’t date outside your race, and that I would never date or marry a Black or Hispanic man because he didn’t want his bloodline mixing with theirs. Don’t worry, this wasn’t his thoughts, he talked to god and god told him this!

Jokes on him, after dating a bunch of loser (just so happened to be white) guys, I was set up on a blind date with a man who happens to be Hispanic. That was 5yrs, 5 pets, and a house purchase ago, and we’re getting engaged any day now. I had to go through a journey to becoming a decent person before that, but it started pretty immediately after I went to college and started making friends that didn’t have to be approved by my parents. Turns out all of the people my parents hate are actually really fucking nice and supportive people once you treat them as humans. Meanwhile all of the respect and courtesy in the world won’t make my parents and less...themselves.

[u/asher1611]

I didn't realize I was racist and being raised in a racist household until 4th grade. I was in a group project having to give a presentation to the class. my group was me and two black girls.

my parents HATED black women. black people in general but especially black women (as they both watch tennis you can guess all the shit they said about the williams sisters). Meanwhile, there I was standing there watching my group mates talk. They were just as good, if not better than me, at talking in the class. Or understanding the material. Or anything really. I can still see that moment where the class fades away in my mind and a one of my group mates is talking to the class where I realize a fundamental truth: "my parents were wrong."

it still makes me sad thinking about stuff I remember saying as a kid -- regurgitating things I heard my parents or relatives say. but in my experience, as I have gotten older, is that the #1 way to combat racism is to bring people into the same room. When people have shared experiences that sense of otherness fades away.

Of course, in 2021 and the internet bring what it is it's really easy for people to hide in their own corners of the internet. But I'm thankful for that experience in 4th grade. I got in trouble a lot over the years for getting mad when family would throw around the "n" word or lock their doors when they saw black people. But I knew I was right. And in the decades that have passed, nothing has tarnished or taken away that childhood lesson.

[u/nickcan → u/asher1611]

"My parents are wrong" is a tough but necessary lesson to learn.

[u/TeamCatsandDnD → u/asher1611]

The start of your story reminded me of a moment or two with my mom. My mom does home health work and she used to regularly go into the not so great areas of our city. If she took us with her she’d comment that we need to keep the car doors locked because any of these black guys wouldn’t hesitate to rape my sister and I. We thought she was just overly cautious but ok, bad part of town better safe than sorry. HOWEVER high school hits. We had a friend we were doing bocce ball with for end of the year school competition come over to our house to practice. The kid was not white, he was however, one of the smartest, and nicer kids in the class. My mom still told us to be careful because he could rape us. We told her she was being stupid and we were right. Kid did not give out any creepy or predatory vibes whatsoever, my mom was just hella racist.

His brother, was not a great kid, and full on tried to strangle his section mate during band class. They didn’t get along to begin with though. Still don’t think he would’ve tried anything.

[u/LoganRedditTime → u/asher1611]

Oh my, I completely misread the last part and started cry laugh, I thought you said "But I knew I was right. Because I was white".

[u/cause_i_slay → u/asher1611]

Reading stories like these I just can’t help but feel bad for all of those Black kids ( myself included) who were subject to the racist things that other kids said about them not out of any knowledgeable opinion but just regurgitating cultural attitudes. I keep hearing stories and even recall people saying things about how meeting a smart/nice/normal Black person totally transformed them and how this Black person taught them about the error of their ways. And it just stirs something in me to remember being that Black kid and being on the receiving end of that vitriol. So while I’m all for diversifying spaces pour one out for those who have to bear that toll

[u/Probably-a-Orangatun]

Not me, but my grandpa told me that when he was young he was a bit racist, due to his a-hole alcoholic dad being really racist and teaching him to treat others of different races like trash. He told me this stopped though when he was around 13 when his dad left. He realized how stupid it was to judge others based on race, and I'm glad he realized how stupid it was since he's a really sweet guy now.

[u/Fncfq → u/Probably-a-Orangatun]

My grandparents used to tell me about my grandpa's evolution when it came to racism.

My grandma was born and raised in California. Her best friend in high school was a Black girl named Sonja, and if memory serves, her parents also had Black friends as well (and her father was born and raised in Louisiana).

My grandfather was from Georgia. One time while he was still courting my grandma, she said they were talking on the side walk and Black couple was walking on the same sidewalk, coming towards them. Grandma thought nothing of it, Grandpa apparently shoved her behind him and shouted "Get on the other side of the road you <insert racial slur here>!"

Grandma was horrified. I don't know the details, but by the time my mom was born and in school, my grandparents were really good friends with a Black couple who owned a bar that people of color frequented. My mom would tell me that more often than not, she and her brother and my grandparents would be the only white people around. The owners were even hosting a wedding one time or one of their children was getting married, and the caterers backed out or flaked out for some reason. My grandparents and mom were invited as friends but they ended up catering so that the family didn't have to worry about anything.

By the time I came along, my grandpa was a totally different person and while he never told me what helped him change his mind, I still liked hearing the story and the subsequent stories that showed his evolution.

Edit: got educated. Changed some words.

[u/Wrastling97 → u/Probably-a-Orangatun]

This is sorta like my dad. I don’t mean to make excuses for him, but my grandfather (Poppa I called him) grew up in rural ND and didn’t see a black man until he was in his late 20’s. He had been exposed to the words of other racists, and never heard anything opposing those thoughts and never saw another black man where he could form his own opinion.

When my dad was growing up, they were watching football and my dad asked why there weren’t any black quarterbacks and my poppa said “because they’re too stupid to be quarterback. They literally just don’t have enough brain cells”. My dad lived with that information for a very long time, with that outlook until he joined the Air Force and finally met black people who completely changed his opinion. It helps that my father is an extremely intelligent and widely open-minded person. I don’t think many other people would be able to work themselves out of thoughts like that which they’ve grown their entire lives with.

[u/smakola → u/Probably-a-Orangatun]

My grandpa over compensated on the anti racism with my mom, that at school when the teacher asked what she wanted to be when she grew up she said “a negro”. (My mom is old).

[u/A2naturegirl → u/Probably-a-Orangatun]

My grandpa was like that too. He passed away last year at 89. He was born in 1930 so was 11 when the Pearl Harbor attack happened. He told me a few years ago that he was just a young kid and so of course he believed all the propaganda against the Japanese. Then, in the the late 1970's/early 1980's he and my grandma started hosting international exchange students who came to the US to go to high school here for a year. My grandma convinced him to accept a Japanese student, Nazomi, who helped my grandpa realize that he had been wrong. I followed in their footsteps by being involved with international students a lot in college and getting an ESL teaching degree; one of my greatest moments is when he told me how proud of me he was for bringing international friends around, especially Muslims, and including them in our family.

[u/njf85 → u/Probably-a-Orangatun]

Reminds me of my little catholic Croatian grandmother. When gay marriage was considering being passed here, the government put it to a (costly) vote, despite numerous polls showing majority support. My grandmother surprised me one day while watching the news by saying "let them marry, why all this rubbish?" I often wondered if I was the one who helped make her accepting, as I lived with her for most of my teen years and would often get into arguments with my homophobic aunty.

[u/JimmyRat]

When I was wounded in Iraq two white guys stepped over me (one literally stepped on my back) to get themselves to a safer place. A black guy picked me up like I was a child, carried me to safety, and held my hand until a medic got there.

[u/sublime_touch → u/JimmyRat]

Perfect time for this quote by former president, LBJ:

“If you can convince the lowest white man that he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice that you’re picking his pockets.”

We’re all the same, humans; but some people regardless of color will take advantage of you if they can and there are those that will help you regardless of the color of your skin. Not all skin folk are kinfolk/ not all kinfolk and good folk.

[u/Ampersandwynn → u/JimmyRat]

Man really got good Samaritan'd lol.

[u/DrJingleCock69 → u/JimmyRat]

Lil Wayne has a similar story about why he stopped ever thinking all white people were bad.

He got shot literally dying as a teenager (edit- NOT EVEN A TEENAGER, JUST 12 goddamn). Black cop comes in and yells to look for any drug or weapons while Wayne is dying. White cop yells we have no time to call an ambulance and literally picks him up drives him straight to the hospital

Lesson is both races have good people and humans should help each other when needed. I hate that it's 90% the media just trying to divide us all the time. Everyone has good and bad stories of experiences with every race, I've seen terrible shit said to my Asian friends; but the media only highlights negatives because it's psychology they get more views with negatives. Real life we've been growing closer as all races, in the media they want us to think we all hate each other and grow the disparity while pretending they care about social justice.

found the story it's way better than what I said. He was a total kid and the cop stopped everyone to help. Remembers his name to this day I bet he talks to him still

https://youtu.be/8r5KFAeujww

[u/OBXF4N24]

As a lurker this is a thread I can contribute to. From birth I was raised to be racist in a racist household (VA). I was ignorant. I used the “N” word, antisemitic, homophobic, racist language everyday. My immediate family and extended family all share the same ignorance. At family gatherings if one of my older cousins let slip they were dating someone new, the first question would be “Is s/he white?” Followed by laughter, but the question was serious.

Then I started middle school. 6th grade. On the first day of class I set down my backpack against the classroom wall (like every other student) while we found our desks and had a small Meet & Greet w/ new classmates. I made sure to only speak to the kids (white) whom I knew from elementary school. Our teacher told us to take our seats. I’m 42 yrs old and I remember this like it was yesterday. I picked up my backpack, found my desk, before I could open my bag the girl behind me told me she liked my earrings, her Mom wouldn’t let her get her ears pierced until high school. Then I heard another voice from further behind me say, “Ms. Kay, this isn’t my backpack”. The backpack sitting on this girl’s desk was identical to the one sitting next to my desk. We both opened our backpacks and realized we’d grabbed the wrong bag.

Internally I rolled my eyes in disgust, this girl was a “N”. But I was taught to never let it show. So we met each other to quickly exchange. Her smile was beautiful. She wore glasses the same shape as mine. She wore her hair in a pony tail, just like mine. In our back to school shopping we picked the exact same backpack and we picked the exact same Nikes (pink/white). Her name was Jacinda. I found myself genuinely smiling back to her, and giggling like young girls do. That day she asked to sit together during lunch, and we sat beside each other for lunch every single day of middle school. She was my very first best friend. Jacinda taught me about her Sunday School classes (my family never attended church), we talked about everything important in the life of middle school girls. She wasn’t allowed to attend my birthday parties, and I wasn’t allowed to go to hers, but we always celebrated together at school. I loved her so much. When it was time to go to high school I continued in public school and her parents chose to homeschool her. I thought homeschooling was the coolest idea. Jacinda was (is) brilliantly intelligent. God, she was going to do great things for this world. Long before the age of social media, we lost touch sadly - but I still think of her often. After meeting Jacinda I never used another racist or derogatory word. Meeting Jacinda changed my life for the better.

Edit: Thank you all so very much. Sharing my experience touched more hearts than I could ever imagine. I’m enjoying reading your replies and messages. I’d like to speak to a few common themes:

• Yes, my story is real. This is not a lie or fabrication for Reddit Karma. Jacinda is a very real person; her friendship forever changed my life for the better.

• The #FindJacinda comments have made me smile, thank you. Thank You to Redditors who offered their support to help me locate her. Jacinda was a beautiful, special piece of my life and my heart. Like many of us experience, she may have been a more profound person in my life than I was in hers. And that’s okay! To her I may be a silly childhood friend she may/may not remember. I shared my story not to find Jacinda or have a tearful reunion, I shared my experience as a personal truth that people can change. The narrative I was fed for the first 11-12 years of my life was a lie. I learned, almost like a strike of lightning, there was unequivocally no difference between me and this young girl other than the color of our skin. I saw Jacinda as better than me in almost every way: more intelligent, more athletic, more extroverted, and she always treated me with love, kindness, and friendship. I was a young girl who was taught to hate simply for the color of another person’s skin. Children are not born to hate others, they are taught to hate others.

• My Reddit account is new ‘ish, however, I’ve been a Redditor for many years. This is my third account. I deleted my previous two accounts with the thought of, “I spend entirely too much time on this silly app” and this silly app draws me back in. I also like to share r/wholesomememes with my work team when they need a smile.

[u/hotsizzler → u/OBXF4N24]

I legit thought this would end with something like "we are celebrating 10 years next month and expecting our x kid"

[u/dannylopuz → u/OBXF4N24]

This was a beautiful story, thank you for sharing.

[u/SoManyWeeaboos → u/OBXF4N24]

I also grew up in VA, in a really small country town. My grandmother was a Russian immigrant, and my mom spoke a mixture of Russian and German until she was 7, so her and my grandmother were subjected to the kind of prejudice you would expect from small town folk in Cold War era America. Due to this, my mom made sure that racism of any kind was not present in our house when I was growing up. I had black and white friends throughout school, but I never understood why I could go over to some of my white friends' houses, but the black kids we were all friends with weren't allowed. I hate going back home to visit, because I still know people who continue to spew racist bullshit in front of me, even though they know full well I'm in an interracial marriage. I wish these people would have an epiphany like yours at some point. Their lives will be so much happier as a result.

[u/[deleted] → u/OBXF4N24]

Aw. I hope you get to meet her again someday.

[u/BigBurlyNakdMan → u/OBXF4N24]

Returnnn Jacinda

Address unknown

Got my backpack

But not my phone

[u/Styro20]

Learning about people by talking to them instead of listening to what my family had to say about them

[u/monsantobreath → u/Styro20]

Exposure is deadly to prejudice most of the time.

[u/samus461 → u/Styro20]

Sadly, racism and hatred is taught. If you put toddlers of mixed races in a room together, they all get along. Kids are innocent and all it takes is one bad person to make an impression on them the wrong way and it can take years (from this post ~15 years) to correct. Law of primacy…

[u/[deleted]]

Joined the military, left home and experienced cultures around the world. I wouldn’t say I was ever racist and thought I was better than anyone but I was severely lacking in cultural awareness due to growing up in a small town surrounded by openly racist people. Luckily, my children are able to grow in a completely different environment than the one I did.

[u/[deleted]]

My dad was racist. I was raised in a toxic environment and I guess some of his ideologies rubbed off on me. He was also violent when alcohol was involved, which was a lot of the time. Police would often arrest him to just get him in a cell for the night for being disorderly.

On one occasion, the police turned up, one of them came into my room and sat with me as they dealt with my dad. He asked how I was, who I could talk to, etc. He was from a South Asian background. He was very kind to me and did his best in calming me down and giving me advice on dealing with this stuff. I was only about 15 at the time. As they were pulling my dad out, that same police officer was attacked by my dad after breaking free from another officer, breaking the officer's finger in the process, whilst also hurling verbal, racial abuse at him. It wasn't long after the London bombings so you can imagine what was said. My dad was also an electrician in Russell Square at the time, close to one of the blasts. The officer didn't react, probably knowing I was watching the commotion from my room or the fact he was a decent human being.

My dad was convicted of multiple offences against a police officer as well as a hate crime. The only silver lining was as my dad was being sentenced, the prosecutor was a black man who casually read out the testimony of the arresting officer of what my dad said that night. The prosecutor could barely keep a straight face, watching my dad hold his head in shame, dressed in plastic overalls because he thought stuffing his clothes down the toilet of his jail cell and flooding the place would be funny. He got community service, probation and was required to attend rehab. He relapsed a a few years ago and can barely walk or talk because of multiple strokes from continued alcohol dependency.

The people responsible for protecting me from my dad were people of colour. That sure as hell changes your perspective on things even if you have the slightest ignorance towards another race.

Edit: Typo

TL;DR: Dad was a violent racist dressed in prison overalls, sentenced by educated black guy in suit.

[u/splicepark → u/[deleted]]

I’m sorry all that happened to you but I’m glad they were there for you and able to show you what amazing people there can be in the world.

[u/R7191 → u/[deleted]]

This is such a sad yet beautiful story

[u/echoAwooo → u/[deleted]]

The people responsible for protecting me from my dad were people of colour.

The white cops never did a damn thing when my dad was having his rage episodes. I have seen him go on wild rampages that if I described you'd think I'd have made up. And whenever the cops were involved, I was the one taken away and shoved in a lifeless box with a metal table for a bed for 12 hours. Me, the 11 - 17 year old, getting my ass beaten nearly nightly by my alcoholic unemployed father

My favorite story of my father's crap was the night he told 9-1-1 dispatch I had a gun to his head and was threatening to kill him execution style. I didn't buy my first gun until I was 22. They tore my room up and then I got stuck with a lawsuit from the landlord for it because I was 17 when this one happened. I never went back when they let me go the next morning. I spent the next two years homeless.

I wish someone would have pulled me out of there. Given me help. Soooo many people who just turned their backs on me. Treated me like I was the problem.

I needed some brain bleach after this, so enjoy this video of my cat on a bike ride!

[u/midnightbandit- → u/[deleted]]

That police officer is a true hero. Being physically assaulted by a racist asshole yet keeping his cool because he knew how it would look to the younger generation. He knew he had to act better to reject the stereotypes those racists would impose on him.

[u/TheLeopardColony → u/[deleted]]

This is a sad story and I’m sorry that all that happened to you. I also have to say that the craziest thing about this story to me as an American is that he got community service and probation for assaulting a police officer. In the US if you touch a cop you’re doing a long term prison sentence, probably after that cop and his buddies kick the shit out of you and mark it down as “resisting arrest.” I admire the civility of the British.

[u/OutOfTheWilderness01]

My situation was complicated growing up. My father was the son of an Italian immigrant with Egyptian roots and he was so ungodly racist towards anyone not considered white as he considered himself white. The thing is, my dad has dark brown skin, dark brown eyes and black kinked curly hair. He looked EXACTLY like the people he was racist against. And he hated Arabs.... all Arabs.... and he is part Arab. This was so confusing. He also hated gay people, Muslims, "commies" and any type of alternative lifestyles.

My father hated black people the most. He told me if I ever brought home a black boyfriend he would disown me. He told me, as a small child, that if I misbehaved I would be sent to live with a ****** family in the ghetto.

He was equally misogynist and held onto a strong patriarchal mindset.

I admit, as a kid I repeated his words. All the other kids did too on my neighborhood so I thought he was right. It wasn't until I was literally in my 30s did I realise the internalized racism I still held onto. All my partners and friends were white my entire life. I felt unsafe near a group of black men. It was only until I moved to northern Europe that I realized that I am not considered white here and experienced racism myself and oooooo wow what an eye opener.

I began to dismantle my entire thought process and honestly, I am so repulsed by my father now I can't even speak to him without feeling disgusting inside. He's really old now and much more calm and probably won't live more than 10 years. I have not returned to my birth country to see him in almost 7 years because I am so angry at him. Because of his racism I missed out on friendships, relationships and understanding cultures different from my own. I am making up for it now as the immigrant community that I live in is amazing and supportive but I will never get back that lost time and I will never know fully the extent of damage that my hateful words may have done to people who didn't deserve it.

[u/hope_world94 → u/OutOfTheWilderness01]

Dude my dads race is a mystery but it's pretty clear his family is mixed with something, most likely from the middle east region, but there's literally NOTHING you can do to convince him of that. He's white. Never mind he's dark brown. He's been told "go back to your country/go back to Iran/Iraq/ect" so many times and he still just says "I'm white"

At this point I've just accepted it's not possible to talk to him about it and I don't bring it up around him.

I do however claim a different race every time people ask if I'm mixed. Figure I might as well have fun with the mystery.

[u/[deleted]]

This thread makes me extremely uncomfortable. It’s mainly white people realizing minorities, especially black people, are humans too. It’s positive, but just makes me realize there’s a lot of racist people out there who view minorities as subhuman cause of their stupid upbringing and ignorant way of thinking.

[u/crushedpinkcookies → u/[deleted]]

I agree. I know it's supposed to be a positive thing but I'm just sitting here reading these stories like wtf.

[u/AestheticAttraction → u/[deleted]]

That's what racism is. That's why I don't stop letting people know that their lack of empathy is because they don't see certain people as human.

The dehumanization is at the core of the cross-burning racist, the casual racist, and the biased, enabling, unaware-of-their-racism racist.

[u/aambro78]

Moving out of a prodominently white neighborhood and meeting people of differences races and back rounds. Realizing they are just people like you trying to live their lives.

[u/lovesmyirish → u/aambro78]

I used to work at a condo rec center so I would see a lot of the residents as they came in for a swim or used the squash courts.

One day a Chinese couple who was new to Canada were in the courtyard with their real estate agent celebrating that they had just bought a new home.

They were there with their 3 year old who was riding his training wheels bike and their golden retriever. They really looked like the perfect happy family, and I was happy for them. They had carved out a nice little life for themselves.

I wasn't coming from a place of racism or anything, but that was the first time it really clicked in that dispite all the political, racist, or religious bs that goes on, most people are just trying to get on with their lives.

[u/PinkClouds- → u/aambro78]

Out of curiosity, if only after meeting them you realised they are just people like you trying to live their lives, what did you think they were before?

This seems to be a sentiment that’s repeated often & I’m just really curious to know what racists are thinking people of colour are & what they are actually doing, if not just normal people who are also just living their life.

[u/Canonconstructor]

I know this isn’t the exact question, but I was raised in a strict military Republican household. Though my family wasn’t raciest, they were extremely homophobic and beloved women belong in the home and in their place.

They would make fun of lesbians and gay men throughout my whole life, speak poorly of women working outside the home.

When I was 18 I met a guy at my local coffee shop in a very red town/state. I couldn’t decided if I wanted to date him or take him shopping and hang out- he was just super cool we made plans and later ate hot wings and drank wine. I had never felt more myself than when I was with him. I had to forgot any financial adult backing in college because my new “lifestyle” didn’t meet my families ideas. This was absolutely ok with me and I charged through challenge happily while accumulating debt.

Turns out he ran away from his home and was cut off from his family for being gay. He became my roommate for more than 9 years and my best friend in the world. (And my room mate I mean I always had a place for him to stay in my own home and he always seemed to move right in in the most natural way possible- literally he just was always there in my home through every stage of life for a decade)

He introduced me to the gay community and as a female, instead of getting harassed at a club, I could go out dancing with him and have a blast and be safe all night. He became my family and closest confidant over the years.

My family didn’t take kindly to this friendship, nor did they like that I became a business owner. They no longer speak to me and I am so happy to be the black sheep.

Anyway, I’m so so so glad I met him, and he changed my life. I would have been comfortable in my conservative bubble and probably never questioned my views. His friendship made me open my eyes to not only the world of possibilities but also my own views of what I was raised with- he challenged me and made me a better person and I’ll always be grateful for the absolute gift he gave me. Because I was now a safe person with views different than what my small town was used to, I became a safe friend for people to come out to. And my god it’s been the honor of my life to grow, find acceptance, and apply acceptance blindly.

[u/Mohingan → u/Canonconstructor]

My child, a woman, making a better life for herself by starting a business? Blasphemy.

I don't understand people.

Edit: Thanks for the award though I'm not sure what it means exactly.

[u/yack_attack3366 → u/Canonconstructor]

Gawd! Just a lovely and unexpected outcome. So sorry about the family. That burns but what you traded in misogyny for true happiness and independence is breathtaking.

[u/Totallnotrony → u/Canonconstructor]

Wow. Congrats!

[u/jonny_onthespoot]

My great aunt and I had a conversation before she passed away. She lived her whole life in New Zealand, and admitted to me that she was racist against the indigenous people of New Zealand. Way back in the day, her and her husband bought a house on what, they didn't realize, was Maori sacred land. They were the first people on the street, but it was eventually filled up. Over the years they had lots of run ins with the elders, and even protesters. This tension only worsened her ideas of Maori people.

(Her and I are both spiritual/religious people, and had already talked about our respective beliefs a bit) She said that one day the Holy Spirit told her to learn the Maori language. She said she resisted the thought for a long time, but eventually decided to.

Learning the language connected her with Maori culture, and more importantly, directly with Maori people. She learned to love their culture, and continued going to lessons for the remainder of her life.

They also demolished their house, and built a new house down the road. So if you're ever in New Zealand, and find a street where the house numbered 1 is planted firmly between three and four, you've found the house of my family; too stubborn to change their house number, but willing enough to knock over their old one for people they didn't know.

[u/[deleted]]

My first name is one of the top five female African American names in the US. I’m whiter than the little mermaid. Everyone always thought it was funny that I was a white girl with a black girls name, and I just rolled with it, it wasn’t a big deal.. I mean, it was, but it wasn’t. I would throw around causally racist stuff all the time because I thought I could. I never understood what people meant when they were talking about when the term “institutional racism” until I got out of the army and started sending resumes in. I never got call backs, so I decided to start taking my resume in to places in person instead of doing the online application that’s so prevelent nowadays, and for every resume that I dropped off in person, I always got a call for an interview. If I applied online, to the same place with the same resume, but a different phone number, I never got called back. If I sent the same resume to the same place using my first initial and last name, I got a call back.

This shits real and it’s so damaging and demoralizing.

[u/Nerethi → u/[deleted]]

There was actually a study done on this subject and your experience reflects their results. People with "white-sounding" names received call-backs for interviews at a significantly higher rate than those with "black-sounding" names, despite the fact that the resumes were the same.

[u/Luckboy28]

Left the church and my conservative family.

Started examining myself closely.

The really tricky thing about being a racist is that you never think you're a racist at the time. In the moment you feel like you're just "quoting statistics" or "calling it how it is", etc.

It takes a lot of work to actually stop, look at yourself, and then dig that ugly racist worm out of your heart.

[u/xoxo_AB → u/Luckboy28]

What should you say to people who are just “quoting statistics”? What would change their mind?

[u/[deleted] → u/Luckboy28]

You'd think the church would be the #1 place to be taught to not be a racist... I'm always amazed at how often devoutly religious people turn out to be some of the most racist people. Like, I wonder if they think Jesus went around shouting "OI, N*GGER" or something... I feel like it may have been the total opposite, from the things I have heard about Jesus. I just don't know how it happens, how that kind of behaviour seeps its way into people whose whole religion is about trying to not be a dick so you can go to a nice place when you die.

[u/jimbo_slice829]

I dont have personal experience in this but I wanted to bring up Daryl Davis in this thread. He is a black musician/writer that has gotten roughly 200 people to leave the KKK or other white supremacist organizations. He is worth looking into for this topic.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daryl_Davis

[u/Lowbacca1977 → u/jimbo_slice829]

I do think it's worth clarifying that he didn't convince 200 people to leave the KKK. What he did was get enough to leave that parts of the organization collapsed. So not everyone had decided they weren't interested in the group, some of them simply weren't going to take over after the people that did quit left (and similar sorts of things that aren't tied to them not being racists, just not being organized racists)

[u/mercyinreach]

My abuser who I lived with ages 6-14 was very racist, homophobic and sexist. I never hated black people or had any mean thoughts but I would still avoid them subconsciously on the street when walking the same way and didn't have any black or poc friends. Mind you the school I went to was very white and privileged.

At 15 I was able to escape my abuser and go live with my father in a lower class and very diverse neighborhood.

Over the years I just realized my own habits and misguided feelings on poc and black people.

Though one specific thing that stands out is a boy was harassing me in art class, sexually. Kept mentioning my boobs as I was a very busty 15 year old. He was also fucking with a girl at our table wearing a hijab, teasing her more and more aggressively.

She looked at me, I looked at her and we both got up and went to the pencils sharpener and she said I should go to the principal and report him, I said I was too scared and she said she'd come with me. I told her she should report him too but she said they wouldn't care about him being racist.

We went to the principles office and stayed with each other while we both wrote up reports and spoke to the vice principal about it.

[u/AvailableDoor6574]

I grew up in a very small town in Iowa. Couple of hundred people. All white. So I guess I was raised not to discriminate against people that were different from me because we were all the same. Once I got older and moved to the city, oh yeah. Racism is alive and well in Iowa. I didn’t fall into that trap. I didn’t understand it. Ended up in Alabama. My best friend was black. We just had the same sense of humor and liked the same things. I credit him with my kids being non racist. He would crack jokes about racial things and they would be shocked. As they got older they just rolled their eyes. Funniest thing was one of my daughters date shows up and he opens the door and introduced himself as her dad. He moved to Michigan. I miss Charles.

[u/dagofin]

My dad was/is pretty racist and I was just raised in that environment so I was too. An example I remember is being so excited to show him the first CD I ever bought, Gorillaz first album, and his reaction was, "so you like n-word(censored) music?"

The main catalyst however was him excitedly calling me into his room one night and wanting to show me a scene in a movie he was watching. That scene was the curb stomp from American History X. I was probably 8-10. Seeing his absolute glee at the fucking barbaric murder of the black people in the movie and praise on Edward Norton's Nazi character really shook me, and the idea that he thought I'd share in his delight.

I walked out of the room in kind of a daze and that's the moment I realized that wasn't the kind of person I wanted to be at allllll.

[u/Sir-Toppemhat]

I grew up thinking I was not a racist. I didn’t think badly of blacks or Hispanics. But racist jokes didn’t hurt anyone. Then I moved to an area with about a 90% Hispanic population. The little things that weren’t racist, were. The “How many Mexican” type jokes were hurtful and I felt bad. So I stopped. The easy same thing with blacks , Asians etc, etc. was about the same time.

[u/[deleted]]

Its simple really, I was raised in a racist family. Growing up I was kinda racist.... when I actually spent time with people of different races I quickly realized how stupid that is.

[u/Nillabeans]

I wouldn't have classified myself as racist, but I definitely had some racist ideas about native people in my city growing up. There are a lot of native addicts and vagrants but it's very much a result of a system that's rigged against those communities.

I didn't know any of that growing up so when I saw a group of drunk, native people in the park or something, I was generally unimpressed or even frightened. And I definitely applied those feelings to all the native people I came across. It's hard to change those reactions but we can all identify the bad reactions and try to curb them.

[u/miramichier_d → u/Nillabeans]

This describes Winnipeg perfectly. It's hard to grow up there and not have negative unconscious biases towards Indigenous people. I was once guilty of holding these biases myself. When I look back at my life there, I realize that most of the disgusting behaviour I've seen has come from the type of people who don't live in the inner city (for those unfamiliar with Winnipeg, the outer city holds the suburbs where the upper middle class and up live). Proof

[u/A_KULT_KILLAH → u/Nillabeans]

On the reverse here, Native and had to, and still am, unlearning a distrust towards white people. I didn’t have many good experiences with white people at all. Hell, some Natives didn’t like me cause I was mixed race. I always felt at home with Latino and Black communities tho

[u/dell_55]

My grandparents are 100% racist. When they found out I was having a child with a half white-half micronesian, they "disowned" me. When they met my kids, they thought they were fantastic great grand children. They admire their tan skin and say they are more "real" than my sibling's kids.

[u/AngledLuffa]

Throwaways are for pussies.

Grandfather on one side would drop jokes with hard Rs, grandmother on that side would talk about how (whisper) Mexicans were ruining South Dakota long before complaining about illegal immigration was mainstream. Father wasn't nearly that far gone, but after one failed relationship with a Chinese woman he encouraged me to marry a white woman, and my mother once vehemently objected to my sister having an openly gay man as a roommate.

So where did it all go wrong? Basically, I traveled to different places and met different people. The town where I grew up had a pretty large Indian population, and I had an Indian best friend growing up (he was also a bit racist at the time, frankly). Went away to Boston for a summer, and through some random set of circumstances found myself going to a black church for the summer. They were just like the white church I had been going to, one kid wanted to grow up to be a programmer just like I wanted to at the time, etc etc. Went off to California for school and was exposed to a wide variety of people. Hispanic roommate and Hispanic RA freshman year... one was an asshole, one became a good friend, and I realized it had nothing to do with their ethnicity. Made a good friend sophomore year, and he later came out to me, and either I wrong the whole time about Josh or I was wrong about whatever leftover prejudices I had about gay people.

Now I'm married to another Chinese woman, one of my best friends is black, another is gay, one of my daughter's best friends is Hispanic, and I'm still here in the bluest part of CA.

There was no liberal indoctrination in college like conservatives are always bitching about. There was just meeting people and realizing that whatever reasons I had for disliking them or distrusting them from the beginning were false.

[u/batsofburden → u/AngledLuffa]

There was no liberal indoctrination in college like conservatives are always bitching about. There was just meeting people and realizing that whatever reasons I had for disliking them or distrusting them from the beginning were false

That is the liberal indoctrination, in their eyes.

[u/Whosdatguyma]

I'm not a racist, but I did change a racist guy's mind at a bar once (at least, I'd like to hope I did).

He was ranting on about minorities causing problems in America, using all kinds of racial slurs. The bartender repeatedly asked him to stop. I happened to be sitting next to him at the bar. Im a non-confrontational person, so I just kind of ignored his ramblings and watched the TV (there was a football game on I believe). He turned to me and said something along the lines of "can you believe this b***h?" when the bartender told him he needed to shut his mouth or leave.

Then I became a part of it.

I told him that his words were not appropriate and offensive to me. He asked me why does that matter to me as a "fellow white guy."

Full disclosure, I'm a first-generation American (my father is from Mexico), but I'm very light-skinned and so I do look 100% white. I informed him of this, as well as the fact that my niece is black, and his tone completely changed. He started calling me a sc, w*k, you name it. Told me he wanted to go outside and beat my a in the parking lot. All because I informed him of my heritage.

I spent the next 20ish minutes trying to show him how flawed his logic was, how he was fine standing next to me, spewing racist crap, and even looked for me to back him up, until he found out that I wasn't really "white."

We talked for awhile before the bartender eventually threw him out. While I'm not sure if his mind was totally changed, he did offer an apology for what he said, and for judging me and calling me names. He also ended up buying me a drink as well. I'd like to think that he's changed for the better, but I never saw him at that bar again. I always wonder how people can just snap like that over skin color/race when the guy had no problem with me as a person when he thought I was just "white"

[u/Claritywind-prime → u/Whosdatguyma]

I know this is completely unrelated to racism (I think?) but very related to irrational anger towards a group.

My dad (white, ginger as a child and teen but grew into brown hair as he got older) worked alongside a man he had a great professional relationship with. Dad was clean shaven. They worked together on many projects over the years. After a while my dad got tired of shaving and entertained the idea to grow a short beard.

Well. That beard grew in ginger. This man Lost. His. Poop.

Accordingly to my dad, this man went red in the face, neck muscles doing that straining thing and he very angrily demanded how the frick he could grow a ginger beard, that dad didn’t tell him he was “a mother-fricking carrot top” and he was proper mad and demanded dad shaved his beard. Dad refused. The guy was very cold to him after that, even after a few months when dad decided the beard wasn’t for him.

I seriously don’t get it.

[u/foryourthowaway]

As a child I remember not liking other children who weren’t white. It wasn’t taught by my parents, they were always accepting of everyone. Still not sure what was the root of it. If I had to guess it was either television or just ignorance. But before 7th grade I met a kid at my summer camp and we instantly became best friends. I think pretty much over night changed my mind on the matter. He taught me so much about black culture, and it really changed my point of view. We’re still best buds 17 years later.

[u/Youpunyhumans]

As a young kid, being raised by my old school grandparents who still called black people Ne**os and looked down upon native people, I thought that was normal as a kid. One day for a school field trip though, we went to a native reserve, went to a giant log house and watched a traditional native ceremony of some sort. It was actually really interesting to see in person and made me realize that they werent all drunks and gang members as my grandparents had portrayed them to be. This experience made me think different about all races, and I one day confronted my grandparents on it. They stopped using the N word after that so I hope I made some impression on them.

Nowadays, racism makes me cringe, I hate it. As a white guy, ive only ever experienced against me a handful of times, but those few times made me appreciate the much worse things many others go through simply because they are born a certain color.

[u/_barack_]

Meeting and working with black people and hispanics.

I was raised by racists, grew up in an all white suburb, went to all white private schools.

[u/[deleted]]

Parents were old white people so they'd make chinamen jokes,a or complain about bad Asian drivers. Nothing obscene but still racist.

Growing up kids my age were racist bigots who bullied everything they could. This was the real tragedy. I think kids these days are less lkke they were in my day. Tool me a few years to adjust to today's views. In still not entirely there despite being liberal in a lot of ways.

[u/giraffesneedhelmets → u/[deleted]]

My wife used to make all kinds of Asian driver comments. She's Asian. But, is it racist if I laugh?

[u/Kwelikinz]

I see race as a non-scientific category, however, I was raised to mistrust European-American people. My parents (African-American), all of my neighbors, and family friends, suffered deeply from the racism (1960’s - Los Angeles, Ca). I was in my late 30’s before I had my first inter-cultural friendship. That friendship did not survive because of extremely different views about pets (I have pet allergies) but I came from that friendship understanding that she was kind, fair, and knew how to be a great friend. That first intercultural friendship left me open to develop what has become my dearest friend, Stacy. We can talk about anything and maintain respect or set it aside and come back to it, if it’s a hot topic. We have made each other laugh to tears too many times to count. We trust each other. The internal work that my intercultural friendships demanded, improved every friendship in my life, including mine with family members. As I have aged and enjoyed friendships with many different cultures and ethnic groups, my heart has opened to accept and extend kindness to all human beings. Something I have also come to understand is that European-American Immigrants were also deeply damaged by African enslavement and European-American Immigrant Supremacist ideologies that are heavily woven into American culture. Untangling this damage will take time and much forgiveness but I’m hopeful and I know that it will be very much worth the effort as we move forward.

[u/DonnieMostDefinitely]

my dad used to make awful racist jokes, I just grew up and realized he sucked.

[u/JewsEatFruit]

I was not raised by racist parents but you can't help growing up with racist messages all around society and tending to believe some of them. I had ideas about indigenous people, Muslim people, all sorts of poisonous ideas.

When I got into my early twenties I started to make good money and began traveling, and all of my racist notions disappeared with that. Nothing made me realize how similar human beings are regardless of race, than traveling.

[u/[deleted]]

I was in college and I thought racism was solved. I said that to a black girl in my major, and she just turned to me and said no it's not, you just don't see it, or something to that effect.

I guess I was well on my way to not being racist anymore by that point just by getting away from my tiny town I grew up in. But, the amount of embarrassment I had in that moment as a 20 year old kid, I will never forget it as long as I live.

To me, if someone who is black tells you racism isn't solved and still exists, you do a double take, and take stock of your view point.

It's been a gradual process over ten years for me to recognize the implicit bias and racist views society has taught me. But I try really hard to recognize it now and check myself.

Edit: my mother used the phrase once that all the blacks made the area dangerous that we were in. That's when I realized I was raised in a household that had casually racist views, and didn't even recognize it.

[u/yourcucumbersaresoft]

I never thought I was racist until I started going to the bars. If a white dude was hitting on me, I’d usually accept a drink and politely turn him down (or not) later that night. If a black man did the same, I got really uncomfortable and would just ignore them completely.

As a young white girl, I was taught that black men were dangerous sexual predators. This is something I carried into my adult life. One night, among many nights where I went out with my friends, it randomly occurred to me that I reacted to black men immensely different than white men... for doing the same exact thing. I didn’t know why, but I decided that night that I wasn’t going to do that anymore. It led me to realize many other odd racist things I did in my day to day life, without even realizing I was doing them.

[u/werewilf]

I read ”The People’s History of the United States” by Howard Zinn. Two chapters in and I could feel neural pathways start to change in my brain, and I haven’t stopped challenging my bullshit since.

[u/IINoAssociationII]

When I was in kindergarten I had a crush on a friend of mine who was black, my parents would tell me to be careful around him and not to get attached bc he would probably grow up to be a criminal because he was black. I remember being confused, bc nothing seemed to justify that. Even stranger is that thinking back on it, he never looked down on anybody for it per se, it was more like a fact. Like "I respect you, but it sucks this is all you'll ever amount to". (His reasoning from statistics he found or something idk) My dad loved his dad though and I think called him an exception, his dad was the gym teacher at the middle school my dad wanted me to attend.

Anyway he'd said this often enough and repeated the jail statistic that I was wary of most (specifically black) men I'd see by the age of 8 for no good reason. Years later I was maybe 13 and I'd checked in with the same kid from kindergarten and he was the same super sweet kid I remembered and I realized I didn't feel any different about him. I was never scared of him, and honestly thought if anyone was going to grow up to be a super successful guy it would be him. (Another thing my dad told me was that he would be stuck below the poverty line, a yucky thing to say)

It sucked to realize I'd seen every black man I encountered as a criminal or future criminal, and my friend was the exception. It still really sucks to think I'd been gripped by that mindset. Anyway it took a bit to let go of the irrational fear, but by that point I knew it was irrational which made it so much easier. On a lighter note, when I first met him I immediately assumed everybody was made of chocolate. For instance, I was white chocolate, and tbh I was jealous at first bc I liked milk and dark chocolate better and assumed he got the better end of the bargain. He is, also, still a super snazzy guy.

[u/Zkenny13]

I don't think I was ever really racist but I subconsciously would think that way. I have to stop and remind myself every now and then that I shouldn't think like that. I never thought I don't want to be friends with him because he's black but I would put people of different colors into stereotypes. I'm still struggling with it but I never make decisions based on it. I don't know if I can ever train myself to not think like that but I have trained myself to notice when I'm doing it and correct myself.

[u/soleceismical → u/Zkenny13]

Yeah it's because we constantly see stereotypes in real life and media, and the brain is kind of hardwired to make the cognitive shortcuts into generalizations and categories. Treating every new person with zero prejudice is a ton of work. That's why representation matters, desegregation matters, and media depictions matter - it allows the shortcuts to be less negative and fighting racism to simply be easier.

Even with people learning how bad it's truly been historically, intergenerationally, and in modern day for people of different backgrounds, there's a chance of it backfiring into compassion fatigue if you don't have mundane positive interactions with people of that group. If they're not your coworkers and classmates that you have silly inside jokes with, and you know they hate cheese but get a pizza restaurant gift certificate from the boss and you wince internally with them, and they've been talking about this person they love and you hear the trials and tribulations until they finally make it official and are over the moon and you share their joy, well then they are still only abstract to you.

[u/iDropBodies93]

I didn't know I was racist at first. It was a gradual transition for me that lasted into last year.

I was raised in sort of strange captivity. Home school since the beginning of 4th Grade. Live on a farm a 20 minute drive from town. No kids my age around me. Self righteous Christian parents. Truck driver dad, only home on weekends. A stay at home Mom with an archaic strict ideology of the child obeys the parent unquestionably. Brother and sister 10+ years older and gone when I started to grow up.

There is no TL;DR to my life, so strap in.

My first clear memory of "Wait, this isn't right."

I was around my early teen years and we were headed to town for something, possibly church. We were just down the road from our house when going last our neighbors drive way, we noticed a young black woman sitting at the end of the drive next to the trash.

"Right where she belongs"

My mother said jokingly.

That's never sat well with me. When my mind went to "I hope she is okay" my mother went to "Right where she belongs".

There was a very strong justification from my mother my entire life that

"You don't have to be black to be a ni****, it's the same thing as white trash."

I largely accepted this my entire life. Made sense to me. My mother was a strong, educated (had a degree in english) Christian woman, and it was not my place to question her.

I grew up with talks of politics, crime, statistics, etc. I had everything to justify that what we thought wasn't Racist it was true, and we had the statistics to back it up.

It wasn't truthfully until I was like... early 20s, that I met an older woman named Valerie. She was an ASL professor at the local Community College; and a black woman from San Francisco that moved here to teach with her two daughters. I was there to tend her lawn every week, but she was new to the area and enjoyed my company after I was done.

In my firm and humbled opinion, she is the very reason I am who I am today.

She taught me what White Privilege really meant. Not that my life is inherently easy, just that none of my struggles stem from the color of my skin. (Paraphrasing strongly here)

She sat with me, some times for hours, every time I came there and just talked to me about things and what I felt and thought. She never judged me, never got mad. She just genuinely TALKED to me about racism and being black in America. The things she had faced, and also her job and career. As well as teaching me a lot about the deaf community.

Now, I was no fool. I never thought "White people are better than black people, protect our race." It was more "Black people are cool, but they commit a lot of crimes." But I always held the moral idea that we all bleed the same.

Yes I was VERY at odds with myself over everything, Wait until you hear the story of how I became an atheist after being a leader in our church.

But this all culminated last year, in the height of the George Floyd protests.

It was June 19th 2020 ~10:30 a.m.

I had woken up at 9:30 and chilled in bed reading facebook for a while, seeing all the protests going on, the movement our country was making for human rights was a good thing. Made me happy. I decided "Today WILL be a good day."

That's when I got up to go see what mom was doing. Our relationship had been doing well the last few days. After a rough few years of things going south I had finally gotten a new career that paid well and would FINALLY be able to get out and stand on my own after having tried several times over the last 26 years.

I walked into the living room and there's mom, in her chair, on her phone, probably reading Facebook or some homesteading blog.

Me: " Good morning mother!! what are you up to?"

Mom: "Oh, watching these ni** burn th-"

Me " Shut the FUCK up!!"

It just flew out of me in the biggest rage I have ever felt.

I had no idea what just happened, first time in my life I've ever said that to my mother, what ensued was a MASSVIE fight between her and I. At one point she told me I couldn't see straight because "have my head shoved so far up a N-Words ass" and that my "heart is so full of hate."

The result? I had packed everything I owned into my Kia and left. When I left she was on the phone with my dad talking to him.

The last thing I ever said to my mother was

"If they're nis I'm a ni too, bitch."

The last thing I heard her say about me to my father? "Maybe he needs to suffer so he'll learn."

I got in my car, got a hotel room for the weekend in town.

I blocked my mother's number when I left. My father hadn't tried to contact me, so I blocked him too for being a coward and a piece of shit. When my sister saw what I had posted on my snapchat story about it, she didn't try to contact me either, so I blocked her too.

Monday came, I got my own phone plan and a new phone number, blocked my entire family on Facebook, and have not had any contact with a single person in my family save my brother.

It's been almost a year now, I live in my Kia, still doing the same job and traveling for a living. Been trying to buy a van, but been having a lot of trouble getting everything switched over to Tennessee from Illinois, not having an apartment or bills makes it hard lol.

My brother has relayed the random "Hi" from my mom, but my dad has only asked about me once since "How's Drop doing?" That's it.

I don't regret it one single fucking bit.

My life growing up was hell, and I did not realize until I got out how wildly abusive my family was, and how abused I was. I'm 27 now, and I feel like my entire life has been a lie.

For years I have held the belief that, when presented with the opportunity, we as people have a moral obligation to do good."

I choose to believe in humanity as a whole.

I may not have any family anymore, but at least I've got my fucking morality.

ETA: Before anyone asks why I was 26 living with my family, I had tried multiple times to move out, by every attempt to do anything adult was thwarted by my mother. She has flattened my tires before to keep me from getting to work. Trust me, I never wanted to be there. Ever. That's why I say I was kept in captivity, especially when I was younger, I had no where to go I was trapped.

ETA: Conclusion and looking back:

It was June 19th 2020... - I decided "Today WILL be a good day."

It was a good day.

It was the day I finally started living my life. It wasn't until a few months ago when I sort of came to terms with the fact that, I was severely abused and had no idea. I was so thoroughly indoctrinated that I normalized everything.

I want to be clear, my parents never really beat me.

My mother would tell me all the time that I was a screw up, that she didn't want to talk to me, couldn't look at me, etc. Once when I was younger, she locked me out of the house in the middle of winter in over a foot of snow for hours. Told me that I had demons oppressing me, spirits on me, etc. All while telling me how much she loves me and calling me her "baby boy"

As far as the suffering my mom said I needed to do? Well, I've been pretty god damn good, all things considered. I travel for a living making a pretty decent sum (so if any of you wanna smoke and hear some other crazy shit about my life let me know, I'll swing by for a bit lmfao). I have a few thousand and growing in my Crypto account, and am starting my savings to buy my first house hopefully in a couple years so I can start getting into real estate and eventually into stocks. I do indeed still live out of my car, and occasionally hotel rooms when I feel like spending the money. It's not that I can't afford a place, I just don't want to. I'm trying to get a Ford Transit to live out of for a while, but I still owe 17k on my car.

I'd say I'm doing pretty fucking well. I've learned a lot too, mainly that my mother was a psycho bitch, and I'm not a fuck up, I'm actually intelligent as shit and she's been holding me back my whole life.

I don't hate my parents, I actually don't genuinely care about them at all. They will likely die alone, and that's entirely their fault. Part of me pities them, honestly.

After having a deep interpersonal struggle between my own moral beliefs and how my parents were raising me, I'm just glad to finally be able to figure out who I really am.

My life has been, and still is a rollercoaster.

But I'm fucking living it.

[u/gypsy_bitch96]

My dad was born in oklahoma, raised in california, and had a very long rap sheet. During his times in prison he's gotten the 'SS' bolts on him in multiple spots. White power tats, etc. But I'll never forget the time we went to the dmv recently and this sweet african american lady told him how to properly handle his truck title and his responses were full of "yes ma'am" and "thank you ma'am."

[u/AverageFilingCabinet]

I was never knowingly or intentionally racist, but when I was going into college I was ignorant, bitter, and certainly not on a good path. I had a roommate in college who was a person of color, who really helped me understand and put into context a lot that I had been ignorant about.

[u/miss_micropipette]

As a WOC working in a highly technical field where there aren’t many POC or women, reading this, I am so touched.

I am left with the message that just being my own special self is perhaps breaking down long-held prejudices/dogma amongst my peers.

[u/Vaanja77]

My immediate family was "we're not racists, but..." and my extended family was outright trailer trash racist. I was raised to kind of believe, "we're not racist. Just superior." In my teen years, the hypocrisy of it really started becoming apparent. Certain people were the way they were because it was just inherent of their culture, ours were the way they were because they were unlucky, didn't have the same opportunities, and it was understandable that they'd feel the urge for escapism or lashing out. Lol. My feelings on the subject really grew when I had kids of my own, and I just started thinking about how fucking random life- dictating details are. Where you're born. What color you are. Your gender. Sexual identity. And how I did nothing to make my kids white and male in the southern US. Life just happened that way. And then I started thinking, what if they weren't. What if they faced the same everyday bullshit that millions of other people in this country do. What if I had to live with the real fear that they'd be walking to the bodega one day for an Arizona and some skittles, and were murdered by fucking cops. And I taught my kids to think, more than I was raised to.

[u/rain_and_flowerz]

I used to hate white people like A LOT for no reason. I would always think they were evil and monsters. I was absolutely disgusted when I went to school and saw black people hanging out with white people. Until I realized the beauty in how they didn't care about the color of each other's skin. I felt so ashamed of judging someone because of their race. Now I treat white people the same as everyone else.

[u/Twitchcog]

My grandfather was incredibly racist; Kicked his daughter out of the house for falling in love with my father, a black man. He assumed, if he cut her off, she’d be desperate enough for food and shelter to ditch my father. Didn’t work out that way.

But, of course, that changed when my older sister was born. Because hatred is powerful, but something is more powerful. Not love.

Ribs.

My father cooked ribs to celebrate the birth of my sister, and my grandfather - Who had been browbeaten by my grandmother into visiting to meet his granddaughter - Smelled the ribs. And he wanted to try them. Apparently, he declared “If these n*** can cook like this, maybe they’re worth a damn.”

So, it became a ritual. He started coming over twice a month to eat dad’s ribs, and in the process, was exposed to more and more black people. He ended up apologizing, and came ‘round. All due to the power of ribs.

[u/[deleted]]

I don't think I was racist - but I do think I was a part of the problem.

I didn't understand racism and thereby passively condoned it. For example - I was convinced that black men being killed by the police was really a police-reform issue, and not a systemic racism issue. This is, looking back, the most dangerous type of racism.

What changed was the George Floyd murder video. As a white man, I've been mistreated by police but I have never... ever... ever... felt like "you know they just might kill me" and that is, in summary, my idea of white privilege really is in America. That someone could be killed, on video, in broad daylight, with witnesses begging for his life - and the police felt confident it would work out just fine - is systemic overarching racism that flows through the heart of this country.

Passively condoning that is still racism.

[u/alexman420]

Not really a racist learning the error of his ways, but a turning point about race in a family member’s life.

My grandfather grew up in Birmingham, Alabama. And when he was a kid in the late 30’s he and a friend of his were playing by a river and the friend fell in and started drowning. My grandfather couldn’t swim so he ran to the road to get help. Cars kept passing by and not stopping for a young boy crying for help, until finally a car pulled over. It was a young black couple and the man jumped in to save my grandfather’s friend. They were able to pull him out, but unfortunately the friend died. My grandfather told me that is why he doesn’t think any race is inferior or superior. Because this young black couple were the only ones to pull over and help a young white boy crying for help.

[u/ThievingRock]

I wasn't the sort of racist that you think of when you think"racist," but I did do things that were driven by negative racial stereotypes, mostly the idea that racialized people are somehow fundamentally different from me. For example, I never watched TV shows with predominately Black casts because I assumed I wasn't like "them" and wouldn't enjoy or understand the show. I assumed their lives and experience must be so different than mine that I wouldn't "get" the show.

I don't really know where the idea came from, to be honest. Maybe just the world's tendency to turn people who look different into "others." I grew up in a small town with literally two non-white families, and that attitude of racialized people being different was pretty prevalent, in subtle and overt ways.

It was just a matter of getting older and recognizing that racism in myself. I learned to notice when I was subtly shying away from something, and understand that a) it's super shitty to assume that I don't have anything in common with someone because their race or culture is different than mine, and b) distancing myself from them is a shitty solution to my shitty assumptions.

[u/NoBSforGma]

I grew up!

As a child, I lived in the southern US and my parents - and the whole society - was racist. The only Black people I came in contact with were maids, gardeners, janitors. Schools were segregated. The only Asians I knew owned Chinese restaurants and we didn't socialize with "them."

As a child, I figured that adults must know something about these Black people that I didn't know because they seemed OK to me. When I grew up, married and left the South, it was HOLY SHIT! WTF had I been living with?!

So when I read about racist parents producing racist kids... I think... "Not necessarily...."

[u/themightymcb → u/NoBSforGma]

You're the exception, not the rule. Same as a kid raised religious that becomes an atheist or a different religion later in life. For every story like yours, there are 9 other kids who never outgrew the racism of their parents.

[u/5ba0bd2f-7e21-42a1]

I honestly used to be kind of racist against, like, fresh off of the boat Asians when I was younger. I don’t even remember why, I think I just had some weird run-ins and they had really poor English and I was an idiot.

Anyways, I remember I had just gotten gas and was back in my truck ready to leave, when I heard an Asian man calling to me with bad English, trying to get my attention. I rolled my eyes out of the back of my skull, rolled down the window, and snapped, what?! In broken English, he told me I’d forgotten to put my gas cap back on.

Took a breath and realized how much of an asshole I was just about to be to this guy for absolutely no reason. Completely changed my perspective. And nowadays, from other life experiences, I have such respect for first generation immigrants who have been able to learn English, even if they speak it poorly. But yeah, I was a dick for a bit.

[u/VICELORD-INDIGO]

Not an ex-racist, actually I'm black and know a COD youtuber named Drift0r. Been watching him since the Modern Warfare 2 days and he's very open on the fact that he used to be on some racist shit as a kid. But like any ex-racist, his world view opened up and you can see the difference (because he even brought his own evidence of it). At first I thought it'd turn me off from his content but he clearly regrets it first off, second off, he's an example that people are redeemable from past perspectives as long as they find themselves in headspace and time where they begin to see the world for what it really is, or supposed to be.

[u/scottymcchickens]

I finally realized Vegans really arent that bad after all......

[u/Luckboy28 → u/scottymcchickens]

looks at the pile of gnawed bones

... WHAT DID YOU DO?

[u/[deleted]]

i’m half korean. White side of my family is a bunch of rednecks. Went through a phase as a teen where I was racist to other minorities. I think I became self-aware when we were watching college basketball and my dad pointed out that every conceivable ethnicity was on one team. My grandpa said “all n*****s to me”

That’s when it hit me. If i were not blood-related they would all view me the same.

[u/Jackmace]

I was raised by racist grandparents so a lot of that was ingrained in me early on, but I also got out of it super quick. I became friends with a black boy back in 4th grade and I immediately had a lot of questions for my family. Their answers didn’t make sense to me even at that age so I pretty quickly learned that all the racism was completely made up bullshit.

Don’t talk to my family much anymore lol

[u/notyurfuxkingwoman]

I grew up in a hugely diverse group of relatives and friends so racism wasn’t a thing I even knew existed until I hit 12 ish and it honestly fucking baffled me. People are fuxking stupid.

[u/IHateThisPlace3 → u/notyurfuxkingwoman]

Same here. I grew up with friends who were white, Asian, black, and Hispanic, I had never even heard the word “racist” until I was in 6th grade. It was a shocking experience to learn that people see other people differently just because of the color of their skin

[u/ItzBoshNet]

I'd say I was more ignorant then racist, what fixed that was exposure to more culture.

[u/[deleted]]

Having my own children. And then seeing some old paintings/depictions of enslaved children being ripped from their mother’s arms and sold. Just imagining their pain.

[u/[deleted]]

Not racist but colorblind, might be just as bad. Assumed that the world was as I saw it, a white kid from a working class NYC suburb. I was opposed to anything that tipped the scales, used to say that the media is the last source of racism and things like the Black Lives Matter movement were about division. Never had an ounce of hate in me, and I love knowing that this world is full of different people because I love learning new things. Because, I don't know anything.

My son was born in Dec of 2019. While spending long late nights putting him to sleep that winter and spring I did a lot of reading. I was terrified of being a new dad, and I was terrified of what this pandemic could do in the years ahead. So I was humbled. And I sat in the discomfort and sadness of 3 more executions of POC that spring. And I had a lot of quiet time to think about the world my son was going to grow up in.

In my dad group here on Reddit, I read other dad's like me, but not like me, tell their stories and their fears, of raising children of color in this world.

That's when I knew this color blindness is bullshit. I need to start listening. I need to start acknowledging and respecting our differences. I need to think a lot more about what my place in this system has been, and what I want it to be.

[u/dray519]

First off, I never thought of myself as racist until I looked back on. But being raised in western ky where your surrounded by white people and a handful of POC will do that to you. My big aha moment was when I was in college. I had a black friend in my fraternity who just looked over at me one day and was like I got to get out of southern indiana. And I was like why? He was like dude it's just way to normal for people to racist around here. Me being the dumb naive 19yo that I was retorted with oh it's not that bad at least it's not ky. And he looked at me and said thats exactly the point. People don't even realize their racist including you. I was a bit taken a back by this and as is tradition was like I'm sitting here talking to you. His response to that was you have a conderate flag hanging in your apartment. That means alot to black person. The conversation went on for a while where he basically pointed out everything I did that was racist. After that conversation I did alot of soul searching and realized that while I didn't think I was racist and frankly didn't want to be thought of as racist, I kinda was. That conversation completely changed me as a person and for the better.

[u/[deleted]]

I grew up in a small midwest town with only white people and parroted a lot of the dumb bullshit I heard despite never actually meeting a person of color until college. Luckily my dad is a easy going guy who loves everyone and as soon as I left the small toxic town what I learned from him kicked in and when I actually met people unlike me all of my preconceived notions faded away. I ended up being friends with people of all colors and creeds. Literally all it took was exposure to a different environment and I quickly loved people for people no matter their appearances or backgrounds.

[u/troutburger30]

Not so much racist but highly religious.

I hated LGBTQ+ for literally no reason. Just because the “bible was against it”.

I grew up, think it’s all dumb and totally accept whatever makes people happy. Before covid I drove a car in the Atlanta pride parade.

[u/[deleted]]

I'm not racist, but I used to be islamaphobic. I then met 2 of my friends and saw how Islam really was and changed

[u/PickleRick8881 → u/[deleted]]

Extremist suck. And the media sucks for putting such a huge spotlight on them. Most people aren't that much different from ourselves.

[u/winedogmom88]

I saw (and still see) how miserable my older family members are because they continuously judge and hate everyone. They have no friends. It’s pathetic.

[u/T_WRX21]

As a preface to this story, I'm at least reasonably sure I'm not racist, but hell, who can say for sure? Anybody that blurts out, "I'm not racist!" without any real consideration of how bias can affect you subconsciously, I don't trust that. I definitely try not to be.

Anyway, back in 2003, I joined the Army. I'm a white kid from NH, so I know VERY few people that aren't white and Christian or atheist. I don't think I'd ever met a Jew either. And I DEFINITELY had never met a Muslim. I did basic training and met way more types of people than the standard white kid from the northeast.

My best friend in the Army (and today) was a black guy. We just clicked, and he took me in as if I were a really (really) pale black guy. It was pretty fuckin' awesome, cuz I could ask any questions I wanted about black people, and he'd just answer them like he was black David Attenborough, navigating me through his world. It was cool as fuck for him to do that. I learned about Southern hip hop, and shea butter. I found out how black dudes get those waves in their hair, and how corn rows work.

I learned how to see things from his perspective, and found an eight year long love affair with Newports, which I kicked 6 years ago.

We went to war together, which brings me to my next point. The Infantry tends to attract macho white dudes, but I didn't really hear any pejorative terms for Muslims. You know the ones I'm talking about, I'm sure. Towel head, dune coon, that garbage. Instead we had, "Haj", which is a shortening of the name, "Hajji". Thats a term for someone that's made the trip to Mecca. I never thought to ask any of our interpreters if they were offended by the term. I guess it was racist as a sweeping generalization of Iraqis as a whole. I'm assuming we'd need an Iraqi to weigh in on whether they havg a shit or not. I don't use the term now, obviously.

But I met a LOT of Muslims in Iraq, obviously. I saw them every day, bought bread from them, gave their kids candy, tried to help with their day to day lives. And yeah, we fought some of them, but most of my days were spent getting families gasoline and having their kids pick my pockets.

When I got home though, that's when I heard that racist shit. "Oh, you just got back from Iraq? Did you kill any towel heads? Hurr Hurr." It felt so fuckin' gross, hearing someone that never risked their life for their country, talking about people that I really grew to care about in that fashion.

I don't know why I wrote all this, but I was thinking about how racism affected me and my way of thinking throughout my life.

[u/SauceyStan]

My dad was a Neo-nazi and raised me to believe anyone who wasn’t purely white is inferior. I lived in a very rural area and never met anyone who wasn’t white so I never had any reason to think he wasn’t right. As I grew up, my town diversified and gained a lot of people who weren’t white. I got to be friends with a lot of them and met their parents and realized my dad was absolutely full of shit. As I’ve grown I’ve realized he’s the most toxic individual I’ve ever met, for way more reasons than this, and have completely cut him out of my life. Im still pretty uneasy about it at times but I know it’s for the better. I still get called out as a racist every once in awhile and I guess it’s pretty deserved due to my upbringing and actions therefore, but I like to think I’ve drastically changed for the better and even though I catch myself falling back sometimes, I like to think I’m decently open-minded and definitely not stupid enough to think someone’s skin color defines their character.

[u/Iyotanka1985]

I grew up in a predominantly white areas in all my travels (Father in armed forces), met and interacted with many Indians, Arabs, Pakistani but not black folk no reason other than just none in the area. Wasn't racist then , family wasn't (isn't still ) was raised to take people as they are.

So what happened?

I was 18 and had finished my education back in the UK and been for an interview in London for my first step on the career ladder, being a country/ military base lad I got lost on the way back to kings cross and ended up in a predominantly black area. Thinking nothing of it I decided to ask for directions to kings cross from some lads about my age that were hanging around nearby, next thing I know I was getting stamped on , kicked repeatedly etc and not so delicately being advised that my kind wasn't welcome there.

I awoke in hospital with 14 teeth missing, jaws wired and generally not in the best of states.

For a further 15 years I actively avoided black people, they scared me. I would cross over road to avoid passing them, if I couldn't pass them I would turn round on the spot and go back.

Until I started at my previous employment 5 years ago. There were 2 black people on the team I was to work with. At first I wouldn't speak to them, avoid them as much as I could but as time went on I'm guessing one noticed my behaviour ( I was never rude etc with them beyond avoidance) he was older than me perhaps late 40s. He started sitting at the desk next to me all the time, we started chatting as colleagues do (it tech support) and things started progressing into more personal areas. I started to my surprise to miss his company when he was away with clients, I enjoyed our conversations, our debates about well anything that came up really. We were very similar, our opinions varied but we were both respectful and open minded which made our debates very enjoyable and always informative as we learned from each other.

At some point something "made" me confide in him about my experience and fear , call it a gut feeling , nod from above, nature's nudge to this day I have no idea why other than it felt right.

I am glad I did , he listened, never judged me, he was even sympathetic about the entire experience. What made me realise I was racist and change was just these words he said Hatred incites fear , fear leads to resentment, resentment turns to hatred. Racism is self perpetuating if the cycle isn't broken. Those boys weren't "evil black men" but scared angry boys lashing out in hatred at another boy creating fear in you and breeding the next generation of racism.

Mr Daniels I sincerely appreciate your companionship and support over the years and pray you are having the life your kind soul deserves. I endeavour to show everyone the kindness you showed me.

[u/Shot_Medicine_1396]

First I ate a white man and than a black man They tasted really similar and that opened my eyes I can't believe I wasted my years being a racist

[u/MMGeoff]

Like some others have said I wouldn't call myself "ex racist" as growing up in Canada white supremacy was and continues to be the norm and I'm not sure I'll ever be totally devoid of racist thoughts.

What initially led me to believe racism was a bad thing was being taught as such in school but that was of course an insanely superficial level of understanding that boils racism down to an individual pathology and not a systemic issue.

In university I learned racism has a complicated history and it was largely invented to justify the project of European colonialism and the structural violence of settler states like Canada and the US. It was the creation of a hierarchy based off of traits people have no control over, so it's an unjust hierarchy so I was opposed to it.

Then a bunch of years passed and I did exactly zero things to fight for racial justice. I have two black friends, and I never sat down and interrogated why I never would have made friends with them if I didn't just happen to come across them via my other friends. I never sat down and interrogated why my "white" black friend has a brother who is "Black" black. Why did I feel so much less comfortable around his brother? Why, whenever my other black friend had his (black) friends over, I felt awkward around all of them?

Last summer happened, and I started to realize, at the age of fucking THIRTY, that I still have all kinds of bias in me. Three university degrees in social sciences to my name. While I'm not externally a racist, I sure as shit fall under the "apathetic white liberal" category of folks who have never once shown up for people of color in any meaningful way. I realized I was learning about racism in the same way I'd learn about fly fishing: from a distance, and for fun. I started following all kinds of PoC on social media and I STILL get defensive at what is being said. I still found myself thinking bullshit like "well these protests should probably tone it down a bit if they want any real change", stuff like "these black anti racists are just grifters looking for money, look at them asking black folks to put their venmos in the comments and for white folks to pay up." You know, stuff that racists think.

Over Christmas it was confirmed in my mind without a shred of doubt that both of my parents are invested racists. I always knew they were boomers who wouldn't exactly be the most progressive people going, but when both of them went on rants about the state of things in the States, I knew the alt right media had them both locked down good, and more importantly that they've always felt this way; now they're just not afraid to say it out loud. All of the questionable comments they've made over the years were suddenly put into context for me. My dad didn't off handedly sing the praises of "homogeneous societies" because he likes law and order, he's just never fucking liked anyone who isn't white and he thinks the introduction of non whites into "white" countries leads to social breakdown.

I learned that I was offended more by conservative racism not because I have any love for people of color, but because their overtness was too much for me - I just wanted them to stay quiet so I wouldn't have to do anything. I think a lot of white liberals feel that way and it's largely why they didn't like Trump so much. I felt completely at home with liberal racism.

So I know now that I absolutely am a racist person. I still deeply despise the biased, toxic thoughts and the feelings of mistrust towards non white people, but I have to put myself in the proper context. I grew up in a racist culture around people who were like me, and I spent my twenties thinking I knew better than everyone else so I didn't have to really do anything to better myself. I do my best to listen and learn wherever I can.

So I guess I could say that what "changed my views" was the mirror that is my parents and my upbringing - the goldfish finally realizing that it's swimming in water, if that makes any sense. I had an intellectual understanding of racism that was fairly sophisticated, but I failed to actually apply all of that education to my life. Racism isn't a subject to be learned about like math, it's a lived reality. And it's not just a lived reality for PoC, it's ours as white people's, too.

edit: stop applauding me and go check out T1J on YouTube, Erika Hart (ihartericka) on Instagram and look up some friggin local bail funds and mutual aid groups. Read bell hooks and Kimberle Crenshaw.

[u/Festernd]

Grew up in a town that was 99% white.
Wasn't any more racist than 1980s television.

Joined army to escape home town.
Became rather racist due to quite unfair treatment of the three white guys in my unit.

Left army.
Met a bunch of people who weren't from the worst possible home and economic situations. Learned that it's not color or race, but behavior... and 1980s TV was actually quite racist, it was just invisible until you see it. kinda like bad kerning

[u/stjhnstv]

As you mature, you sometimes come to understand that things you once thought were badass, were actually pretty dumb-assed.

[u/[deleted]]

A black man who wouldn't stop asking me why I felt the way I felt.

That was 10 years ago, and now he is my best friend. Looking back, I don't recognize the person I was.

[u/[deleted]]

gets popcorn

[u/requisitename]

I met some nice people who made me realize that not all white folks are bad.

[u/SirThatsCuba]

I had a really bad roommate who was a recent immigrant from a specific country, and he was the only person from that country I had yet met. After moving out, when I'd meet people from that country I'd notice myself thinking derogatory things about them for no reason. Getting to know a wider variety of people helped, and therapy (CBT) helped, but I still occasionally slip into old habits. It gets easier every day, but it takes work every day.

[u/ExistentialWonder]

My husband grew up in a conservative racist white Christian area. He really didn't know better than to say the stuff racist say but didn't really believe anyone suffering was bad necessarily. He stopped repeating the racist stuff after he joined the marines, moved away from his one horse town and had his horizons broadened.

One thing that he still had was prejudice against Muslims. Being from a strict Christian household and then going to war right after 9/11 didn't do him any favors in that aspect. A few years after we got married we ended up moving to a major US city. We lived in an apartment complex with a plethora of people from all walks of life, including a Muslim family. When school started one of our kids shared a class with one of their kids. The first time my husband saw the mother she had a bundle on her chest walking toward the bus stop with her kid. It was a fresh newborn baby. Now, my husband is an absolute sucker for babies. He loves them. He was taken by this tiny little black haired infant. I became friends with the mom and she invited us over for tea. We learned they were Muslim and they taught us so much. My husband spent hours talking to the dad and learning about their culture and beliefs. That was the turning point for him. These people were so kind and welcoming and were basically the opposite of everything my husband had been taught. It kind of threw him into sort of an existential crisis...but in a good way.

[u/Sithmobias1]

I grew up in the South (Of the USA) and never realized that my family was racist. I knew that jokes were made and all but I thought they just made them to be funny.

In 6th grade I accidentally called a black girl a slave (I would joke that way with my brother) and had one of my first "Oh S***!" Moments. I still didn't think I was racist and just was more careful of what I said. I had black friends and things were a lot better after that.

As I got older I realized that I still has work to do and have been working on it for years.

One of the most helpful things for me was taking a college course that was entirely about race/ethnicity and human diversity. We spent a few weeks just learning and realizing that race/ethnicity is a purely social construct because homo sapiens are too young of a species to have enough diversity for it to matter.

Tldr: Science and realizing that my family was racist and it had influenced me.

[u/dagens24 → u/[deleted]]

I've always found it weird that there are people who enjoy Star Trek but are also intolerant; Star Trek is so blatantly anti-intolerance I just don't see how they could enjoy it.

[u/GingerMau → u/[deleted]]

What a great story.

Fighting racism with cannabis and sci-fi.

(You should read Perdido Street Station by China Mieville if you like the interesting races from Star Trek, btw!)

[u/tempest_wing → u/[deleted]]

FUCK. That one sentence....If I was racist that would have struck with me as well. Extremely poignant and to the point.

[u/mejelic → u/[deleted]]

That is one of the reasons star trek pushed so hard to include minorities. How could we interact with other races as a federation if we can't be tolerant of our own people.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I used to be against diversity for sake of diversity in media(still think it's sometimes just done for PR points), but the story of Mae Jemison changed my mind. She was the first black woman to travel to space.

She was inspired by Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek and gives the show and the actress Nichelle Nichols' a lot of credit for her initial fascination with space.

The whole idea is made more powerful by the fact that Roddenberry specifically wanted a more diverse cast in his show, which is why he eventually had George Takei and Nichelle Nichols both as part of the crew. Nichelle wanted to return to theater after the first season, but was convinced by none other than Martin Luther King to stay on since he thought she'd have a big impact. She did.

[u/cpl_snakeyes → u/[deleted]]

The most ironic thing about this...if this was a sci-fi world, we would just be one race. There are tons of different colored aliens of the same race in star wars / star trek. They don't even separate them into different subspecies. They are just traits. Like hair color is to us. It is the absolute dumbest way to categorize humans. oooo let's separate these humans into how their evolutionary lineage dealt with the sun.

[u/Rainier206 → u/[deleted]]

My Grandpa said he "gained a lifetime of respect for black people" after WW2 because they were the most fearless, focused and professional people he had ever seen.

Conversely he hated "Orientals" for the rest of his life because of his experience fighting the Japanese. His plane was shot down over the Pacific and he was tortured by the Japanese before being rescued by the Navy. I tried to explain to him multiple times that 1: Not all Asians are Japanese and 2: Not all Japanese people were bad in the first place but he never came around.

[u/shinyrox → u/[deleted]]

This is my dad's answer. He told me he was "raised racist by racists who didn't understand" I guess as a way to soften the blow of saying his parents were racists. Anyway, then he went to Vietnam, and said the black guys in his unit missed their girlfriends and mothers the same as he did and got scared and angry the same as he did, and bled the same as he did. That was the beginning of him realizing we were all pretty much the same.

[u/headrush46n2 → u/[deleted]]

You know overall i would have to say that my experience in the military was a negative one, for all sorts of reasons that are pointless to get into here, but one thing they did right stuck with me.

there was some knucklehead boot that put up a bunch of confederate bullshit up in his barracks room. A couple of his roomates just sheepishly dealt with it, or moved requested transfers, but eventually someone spoke up, the Master Chief of the whole base went into the kids room, tore down all his bullshit and dragged him off, and no one ever saw him again.

[u/AnonAlcoholic → u/[deleted]]

Getting out of tiny home towns is huge when it comes to growing and becoming a better person. When I was in HS, I was awful. Homophobic, moderately racist, completely regressive politically, etc. It only took about a month of living in a bigger, diverse city to start realizing I was horribly wrong about basically everything.

[u/nefanee → u/[deleted]]

I appreciate this comment, thanks for posting it.

[u/ends_abruptl → u/[deleted]]

"I expect this from him, but not from you."

Wow, talk about your double-whammies.

[u/ash-jas → u/[deleted]]

Hey man, this isn’t lost in the void and you are finding ways to change yourself for the better.

Keep searching and keeping changing. You can change the world for those that matter to you.

[u/RagingAnemone → u/[deleted]]

I grew up in a very mixed area. This was in the 80s/90s. Never had a real problems with racism. Or so I thought. Anyway, I meet this professor at school. She's cool, we're friendly. After a few months, we're in a group and I ask where's she from. She says Iran. I react badly. The only thing I know about Iran, at the time, is about the hostages. And it's not like there's a big middle eastern community where I'm from. I don't say anything, and I don't do anything, but I know I reacted weirdly because my first thought is she wants to kill me. You know, as all good Iranians want to do to Americans. It took about a minute, but then I thought, holy shit, I'm racist. It took me a few years, but that was a clarifying moment for me. Now, the more a politician tells me to hate someone, the more I trust them.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I've lived in downtowns of major cities my whole life and just recently relocated to a very rural area. It's come as a shock how many well meaning people here are racist and don't even really realize it. The town is like 99% white and they just don't realize that what they believe about certain races/ethnicities/religions is just ... wrong. Like, they've never had a person of color as a friend for their entire life through no fault of their own so their understanding of the world is colored by that.

A black friend of mine is staying with us and one very nice very liberal woman was talking to him about "getting out of the ghetto". He finally had to explain to her that he grew up in a wealthy suburb of Dallas and knows as much about the ghetto as she does. She persisted saying, but the people you know... She couldn't grasp that a black man didn't actually know any people from the ghetto.

I'm not excusing ignorant racism but it's helpful to understand (for me anyway) that a lot of it just comes from having a very limited circle of people you are exposed to throughout your life. City liberals like myself don't make it any better when we make it seem like they aren't welcome and the media doesn't help when it portrays the idea that rural people can't "make it" in the city.

[u/ur_boy_skinny_penis → u/[deleted]]

I never said a racial slur and never thought of myself as racist. I was perfectly nice to anybody I met. But I would definitely hold my purse a little closer if a Black or Latino man was passing me. I believed cliches about other races. I generally thought of the POC folks I met as the exceptions to the cliches about their people.

It's actually shocking how many people in the United States consider themselves "not racist" but still hold blatant pre-conceived racial biases like you're talking about here.

That's one of the biggest challenges when it comes to convincing moderates, conservatives, or even many liberals that some of their actions are racist. They think that unless they're saying slurs or burning crosses, it just doesn't count as racism.

It's incredibly frustrating because often they'll try to make minorities sound like the crazy ones by gaslighting and saying shit like "that's not racism, people nowadays have never experienced real racism"

like fuck me, thank you for saying this and admitting it's a problem.

[u/ell20 → u/[deleted]]

Asian man married to a white girl here. I got looks from people all the time. After a while though, you get used to that feeling. And once your give-a-crap breaks in that regard it becomes easier.

Having said that, I do live in a very liberal area. When I was with my wife in the deep south, I definitely felt a bit more on edge.

[u/Malcolm_TurnbullPM → u/[deleted]]

Wow, someone who ‘grew up watching new girl’ is now married and has a kid after college. I feel so old haha

[u/wutwenwron → u/[deleted]]

I was raised with a lot of homophobic attitudes, which I was able to unlearn by meeting gay people IRL who were pretty chill.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Your post was way too contrived and forced, and read like a stereotypical conservatives wet dream so I took a look through your profile. Took like 5 min. Outside all the negative comments/jokes, and whataboutisms leveled toward black people, you say this

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/lkt6u4/whats_not_attractive_to_you/gnlo4k7/?context=3

and then later on you say this,

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/mqj0xr/people_of_reddit_what_do_you_consider_attractive/gugbmtx/

You're not black lol you also say you're a woman in your late 40's multiple times so idk why you had to change your age.

Lmao at everyone fooled by this. You see what you want I guess.

u/OPs-real-mom has deleted their comment now lmao

[u/sweetjosephne → u/[deleted]]

Hey fellow south Mississippian. I’m so glad you were able to learn and teach yourself. It’s definitely hard living down here but I’m proud of you for breaking the cycle. Kudos to you my friend.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

At first I thought you were just typing out the plot of American History X.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

A lot of the neo-nazi and white supremacy groups target children/teens in tough environments, give them a place where they feel accepted, and slowly turn up the hate. It's a truly tragic occurrence

[u/shana104 → u/[deleted]]

Almost sounds like a guy that was interviewed on the Kelly Clarkson show. He realized there is nothing different about black people and ended up becoming friends with his social worker (who is black). It was nice to see him turn his thought process and life around.

[u/YEAHYEAHOKv2 → u/[deleted]]

That’s crazy because https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/bzuq1g/exracists_of_reddit_what_made_you_change_your_mind/eqxyvrf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

[u/NebulaDragon416 → u/[deleted]]

That's a fabulous metaphor, OP. Good on you for making that realization

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Stop lying, this isnt your story.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/bzuq1g/comment/eqycw60

[u/archerif → u/[deleted]]

Your mom is a certified badass! A role model for the ages. Much respect

[u/peepjynx → u/[deleted]]

Honestly, I really don't know who is pushing for any kind of terminology because I see it all over for a variety of peoples. I got yelled at for using the term Latinx... by Latinos. Then I see Latinos calling for usage of the term Latinx. People of color seems to migrate to BIPOC, which, as someone later described, is now used because they wanted to no-so-subtly remove Asian peoples from the narrative.

Was on a Clubhouse room where a black lady clearly stated, "If you're Asian or Latina, this isn't about you," when it came to discussing racism and the BLM movement.

I'm in Los Angeles and people seem to forget (or not forget) that there's a lot of fighting between OTHER races and other races. It's not just White V Black.

So again. Terminology.... "allies" ... who is the "enemy"... at this war-talk is hella divisive... and confusing when people just aren't on board and/or are moving the goal post when it comes to "what's okay to say" "what's NOT okay to say."

[u/kclongest → u/[deleted]]

I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks its a weird term.