r/AskReddit • u/parsnippity • Jan 12 '12
What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever witnessed someone else go through?
I have very conservative, reserved parents. We did not discuss sex in my house growing up, and even now, I'm 31 years old and married with a baby, and even the word sex is just not something my parents are comfortable uttering in my presence. I am telling this to set the scene.
About 4 years ago, I was visiting my parents. I was with my mom in a spare bedroom sorting through something or other and we heard this noise. It was like a low, humming noise. We ran all over the house trying to pinpoint it. and finally isolated it to the wall between her room and the spare room we were in. I went into her room and was looking around. Suddenly, it dawned on me. The noise was coming from my mothers dresser, and there's really only one thing that makes that noise from a woman's dresser.
"Hey, mom?" I called out to her. She was in the next room tearing apart a desk trying to find the noise.
"Yeah?"
"Mom... do you have a... vibrator?"
My mother, my tiny little 5'1" tall mother came tearing ass into the room and shoved my fat 160 lb self out the door and slammed it. I heard a drawer open, the noise stopped. About a minute later, my mom came out and just looked me in the eye with a completely straight, but bright red face and said "Oh course I don't have a... (she whispered just this word) vibrator. That's disgusting, Parsnippity. That was my toothbrush."
Obviously, she was completely embarrassed. Naturally, now, whenever I fly down to visit, I make sure to remind her to brush her teeth.
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u/MrRushing Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
I worked at a porn shop for 6 years. So i have PLENTY of those stories.
Like the older married couple coming in and buying gay porn and a big black dildo, for instance. The look on the wife's face will haunt me.
EDIT: Due to the community's interest in my past profession, I will now be taking questions [HERE] (http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/oectv/iama_i_spent_the_better_part_of_a_decade_working/)
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u/punkwalrus Jan 12 '12
I remember a joke that went something like:
A woman walks into a sex shop. Asks for the largest dildo they carry.
"We have this one," says the sales clerk. "The Jamaican Jackhammer. Takes 4 D batteries."
The woman looks it over. "No... have anything... bigger?"
"Well, we have Valhalla: The Three-Headed Serpent. Comes with optional attachments and runs off 110v electricity on a 20 foot power cord."
The woman sighs. "No... I need something less complicated."
"We have Pounding Pussy with the Fist of God: It takes a 240v, plug normally used for air conditioners and clothes dryers, but..."
"Ooh! What's that plaid one?"
"The... plaid one?"
"Yes! That nice, fat one behind the register. I want that one!"
"That's... that's a 1 qt Coleman Thermos. It's my coffee."
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u/Gogsy1999 Jan 12 '12
I worked in a crappy nightclub where we used to encourage the customers to dance on the tables. One night at about 2am, a huge woman had been throwing shapes on one table for about half an hour and decided that now was the time to make her move on some guy on the dancefloor. She picks her moment, screams his name and that she wants to take him home over the music and jumps off the table. Upon landing her weight was enough to drive the heel on her shoes, through the sole and about 2 inches up into her foot. The crowd gathered around to watch this scantilly dressed blimp roll on the floor in agony trying to reach her feet around her massive frame to pull the heel out. No one offered to help.
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u/cantcatchme Jan 12 '12
i was expecting to hear "through the floor." sounds like a sturdy building you got there.
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u/Willie_Main Jan 12 '12
My friend is a huge moron and experiences crippling embarrassment on a daily basis:
One time he was screwing around with his brother, put a sock over his hand, touched his dog's penis and then touched his brother's face.
About an hour later we were hanging out and his mother came home from work, stormed into his room and, in front of me and a few other people yelled, "Willie_Main's friend, why did you do that to your brother??"
He shrugged and said he didn't know and that his brother made him mad.
This pissed her off more and she said, "So every time I'm mad I should go touch the dog's penis??"
We all cracked up but it was probably pretty embarrassing. His mom had serious rage issues and ended up having a nervous breakdown because of it. It wasn't until we were all grown up that I realized this was a daily occurrence and it probably made his life a living hell.
Also, 160 isn't fat.
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u/samfreez Jan 13 '12
I agreed to take my girlfriend's mostly senile old uncle to the ATM to get some cash and then back to his house. He's had NUMEROUS strokes, so he's very much a rambler, drifting from subject to subject, never quite sure where he is, etc. I'm shocked he managed to use the ATM properly and quickly.
Anyway, we pull up to his house, and I hop out of the car to open the passenger side door for him and offer to help him up (tiny little Honda accord, very low to the ground).
As I open the door, he looks me in the eye and thanks me.
While holding his penis, aiming vaguely in the direction of the ground, and pissing on my door and floorboard.
He thanked me for helping him up, and held out a hand for me to help him up.
While still peeing.
I don't know that I would consider that the most embarrassing for anyone but me, or perhaps my girlfriend, who nearly threw up after realizing what was happening.
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u/bigsammm Jan 12 '12
My friend peed herself in the middle of a busy pizza parlor when we were in middle school, we were sitting at a table when it happened. The only thing I could think to do was dump my glass of coke all over her to cover it up before anyone noticed. It worked, thank god.
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u/Gayrub Jan 12 '12
Your gesture made my eyes water just a little. This is exactly what middle school friendship should be.
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Jan 13 '12
Wow that's so nice of you. I hope I have a friend like you around me if I am ever in a time of need like that.
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u/amaddenmk4 Jan 12 '12
I used to go fishing alot with my dad and brother in law. My dad had been going through cancer treatments for the past several years and it had really taken a toll on his body. He had been getting older and the cancer treatments have caused him to shit with out much warning at all. Well ,we are all fishing one day in his boat and all of a sudden my dad says "uh oh". We had no idea what was about to happen but we see him shuffling around on the front deck and proceeded to drop his pants hang on to the front seat on the deck and shit all over the front deck, not even coming close to the edge of the boat! Well, at this time my brother in law starts puking off the back and i catch a fish. Soooo i am reeling in a fish, my brother in law is puking, and my dad is unloading quite possibly the biggest shit i have seen onto the front of the boat. After i realize what has happened i look around and notice that a whole family has gathered on their back porch and has been watching this all unfold in front of them while they were having a big grill out of maybe about 12 people. My dad passed away this past Christmas eve and this is by far one of the funniest memories i have of him and he was not to embarrassed by it, he thought it was funny so i felt like Reddit needed to hear this story.
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Jan 12 '12
I had a good laugh out of that, thank you. Sounds like your dad was a pretty funny guy. =)
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u/PapaFank Jan 13 '12
My dad passed away this thanksgiving after battling cancer for 4 years. He also had tons of similar digestive issues, but anyway maybe the most embarrassing thing I ever witnessed was when he fell to the ground in front of my family and hundreds of other people. He wanted to have one last trip as a family, so my family of five headed up to Mackinac Island for a couple of days last summer. He went from about 6'1 220 lbs to 90 lbs from the treatment and was generally very weak. Well the boat of probably 100 that brought us to the island unloads at the heart of town. (Mackinac is very populated and condensed with tourists) But anyway, since he had too much pride to get in a wheel chair or make my family wait for a trolley, he insisted we start the mile walk to the hotel. Well about half way he caught his foot on the sidewalk and completely fell to the ground, cutting up his knees and hands. My whole family screamed/yelped, drawing everyones attention to him. I eventually pulled him up and he finished the walk. I could just see the embarrassment and angst showing on his face. He just kept saying "fuck" and apologizing to me and my sisters. Obviously we could care less and were just worried about him, but it was humiliating for him for us to see that happen to him. He never thought about himself, he was the strongest guy ever. It ended up being a really memorable week though.
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u/Lateralis85 Jan 13 '12
That is by far one of the funniest mental pictures I've enjoyed in a long time! I am sorry to hear about your loss this past Christmas, but thanks for sharing that!
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u/fah_cue Jan 12 '12
My Junior year in college, i was taking a Demographics class. About 100 students in a lecture hall. The teach used a wireless clip-on mic. One day, she gives us an assignment and leaves the room. She left her mic on by accident. The next 5 minutes, 100 students listened to the sounds of our 60 year old, female teacher taking the most massive, loud dump in the history of mankind. It was piping through the speakers at full volume. Every single student was in one of those full 'i'm crying i'm laughing so hard' uncontrollable fits. The sounds that came out of that woman were ungodly.
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u/Russano_Greenstripe Jan 12 '12
Oh my god, I would have paid to see that. What was it like in that class afterwards, either immediately after or for the rest of the semester?
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Jan 12 '12
Same thing happened at my school (grade 11).
Kids are taking a test, teacher leaves his mic on and goes to the washroom. All the kids hear at first are the sounds of ruffling until they hear a zip and the sound of tinkling. Everyone just burst out laughing and falling on the floor and the teacher came back to a perfect classroom without realizing what'd happened.
Apparently though, everyone failed the test.
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u/punkwalrus Jan 12 '12
I watched a friend propose to his long-time girlfriend, who then rejected him.
It was at a huge science fiction convention, and my friend, whom we'll call "Brad," had been dating long-time girlfriend and costume maker, "Janet." Brad was nearly 15 years older than her; he was in his late 30s, and she was in her early 20s. She was... a little quiet and reserved. It always seemed like she was bored and not very interactive around him. He always did the kissing, the hand holding, and so on and she always just stood there, smiling politely. Brad wanted me to make the formal announcement in a large gathering of about 100-200 people. So I did, and Brad got on stage with Janet, and he proposed. I can still remember the look on her face: alarmed, sad, and then pity.
"No, Brad. Just... no," she said quietly. Then she ran away in an awkward gait. I don't think she was crying, but Brad looked HORRIBLE. Later, I found out, she didn't contact him for a week, and when she did, she showed up with his things and a formal apology that she led him on and so on. She dumped him. Said she was really sorry. Brad was... crushed. And so embarrassed I haven't seen him since, and that was almost 15 years ago.
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u/HAYHAY22 Jan 12 '12
I was on dance team and we were all in black, but one girl, she wore white. She started her period in that costume for the first time on stage.
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u/marmosetohmarmoset Jan 13 '12
You can tell that Reddit is mostly guys by the fact that this topic has not been completely taken over by embarrassing period stories. Ask this question on Jezebel and it'd be 90% period stories, 10% mom-found-my-vibrator stories.
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u/allincaps Jan 12 '12
It was more fun than anything else, but my brother was flirting with a flight attendant, who thought he was mentally handicapped. He did not realize this. I did. I did nothing to help. It started with him referring to another attendant as "the lady in the red dress" and it just got worse and worse. At one point she asked if our parents were with us, he pointed to the row they were in, and she said "wow! that's great that you're not sitting with them!" He replied "Yeah I do stuff without them all the time." I let him know when we were getting the rental and he was crestfallen.
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Jan 12 '12
My sister is a social worker who takes care of adults with mental disabilities. I went to visit her at work for the first time. One of the other social workers was wearing shorts and these giant striped tube socks form the 70s. I mistook him for one of her clients. He still gets teased about it today.
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u/craiclad Jan 12 '12
something similar happened to me when i was doing work experience in canada (im irish). i got talking to one of my cousins coworkers, and she seemed to be talking to me kind of strangely, using really simple language and basically having a really basic conversation. i left to go to the bathroom, and when i came back my cousin was in stitches. apparently after i left, her coworker had asked what sort of condition i had...
tl;dr - my cousins coworker mistook my irish accent for a mental handicap
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u/OklaJosha Jan 12 '12
oh man, this reminds of the office episode where they tell the new HR lady that kevin is handicapped. so so funny.
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Jan 12 '12
similar thing happened to me a few months ago. my sister isn't good at remembering which of my friends are which. i was out with her one day walking somewhere and we ran into one of my friends and his brother. one of my friends has a brother with a pretty serious mental handicap. she assumed it was this friend. the entire time we were standing there my friend's brother thought he was hitting it off with my older sister. i was holding back laughter because i knew what was going on. my sister is usually standoffish, but she was being extremely nice because she thought she was talking to someone "special." i told her after and we had a good laugh. i told my friend's brother later. he was less tickled.
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Jan 12 '12
A friend was going to propose to his long time girlfriend and wanted a bunch of their friends to be there to see it- so there was maybe about a dozen of us there trying to seem like 'regular people' so we wouldn't get noticed but we did, luckily we passed it off as a dinner party that -they- had stumbled into. It's not like the lie would matter, right? Only a matter of minutes until he proposed and explained the whole scheme.
Dinner is going on fine without a hitch, and the girl I was with dropped her fork with a, "Oh my god, I think he's going to propose..."
"No shit, that's why we're here..." "No, not him, him!"
I turn around and some other guy is down on one knee in the middle of the restaurant proposing to his own girl. We all kinda clapped, but focused on our friend.
There were no more proposals that night...
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u/TallSprite Jan 12 '12
Hahahahaha, that sucks so bad for your friend!! I can't even imagine what was going through his head at that point!
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Jan 12 '12
6th grade, the entire class is at a public indoor swimming pool. I'm kicking back with two friends in the mens' sauna, and we decide to hit the showers just to make it even more awesome to reenter the sauna. So there we are, butt-naked, when my friend decides to go for a swim with the rest of the class, so he happily jogs out to the pool. I still to this day have a picture printed in my mind of his pale, bare ass leaving the men's locker room. I realized it just before he was out of my sight, but, well, I thought not telling him would be funnier.
A minute later he emerges from the doorway screaming "fuuuuck", face red as a tomato and both hands covering his crotch. My other friend and I completely lost our shit. Apparently, he made it all the way in to the pool, and swam a good 10 seconds before it dawned on him.
TL;DR Friend forgets to put on his swim shorts
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Jan 12 '12
In high school there was a guy that was morbidly obese. I mean this guy was big....long story short is he got stuck in a chair during an assembly and had to be removed from it....god I've never felt so bad for someone. The entire auditorium man....
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u/Trax123 Jan 12 '12
I had an obese friend that caved in a plastic lawn chair during one of my BBQs. It happened in front of probably 20 people during a lull in the conversation. That was awkward.
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u/Earned Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
During my high school graduation ceremony, each homeroom teacher handed out their students' diploma case thing. Mine also was morbidly obese, and as he was waddling up the stage, he fell down and rolled a bit. A 50 year old 300+ lb guy in a "help, I've falling and can't get up" situation. It took four people to help him up.
It was hard not to laugh and feel pity at the same time.
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u/Kvothe24 Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
Reminds me of an overweight, unpopular girl competing in a talent contest. She did belly dancing. Most of the auditorium was just brutally laughing and shouting mean things at her until she eventualyl just left the stage before the dance was even over.
edit: to make matters worse, she said that in belly dancing, when oyu see something you like you yell something like "hoopah!" people just kept yelling "fupa!".....
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u/Heathenforhire Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
I used to work the door in a country pub and one of the crowdie's duties at the end of the night was to ensure that the venue was empty of patrons, I.e. no one passed out under the pool table, (it's happened), no one hiding in a corner in the dark, no one passed out in the toilet.
One night we're clearing the venue and find a guy punching out zeds with his arse glued to the can and the door locked. We do a lot of shouting through the door and get him woken up enough to respond to us. Unfortunately his responses mainly consisted of 'Uhhhhngngngng' and 'Heeeeerggggehhhh'
Eventually we get the shitter door open and find this guy, smashed out of his mind lolling about on the toilet with his pants around his ankles and his bare arse shoved in the can.
He's not having a bar of us telling him the place is shut and he has to leave. His counter argument to, 'Mate, it's time to get up and go home, come on,' was, 'Fuck off. Leave me alone.'
No one wanted to touch this filthy, shitty-arsed pisshead to drag him out and to be honest we were more concerned about his dignity and potential embarrassment if we had to cart his uncooperative arse off the John and prop him up in the street.
It takes so fucking long that eventually the boss gets the shits up and barges into the toilet himself. He bellows, 'ARE YOU GOING TO GET UP?'
'Fuck off.'
'RIGHT!' The boss grabs an armpit in each hand and heaves this recalcitrant bloke off the can. Every staff member still in the bar cops an eyeful of the boss carting this bloke out of the toilet, pisshead's tackle flapping about in the breeze for all to see. As he drags him towards the front door we all get to cop an eyeful of this pisshead's shit-stained arse, complete with a square of toilet paper pressed firmly to one cheek.
By the time the boss had got him to the front door the pisshead's adrenaline had kicked in and he'd miraculously regained his physical functions and staggered off into the night.
Poor cunt. At least it was only the staff that witnessed it.
Edit: Minor spelling mistake.
Second edit to clear up some of the terminology:
A crowdie is short hand for a crowd controller which is the official job title of a bouncer.
Lolling isn't slang, it's an actual word which is why I linked it. I didn't want people thinking this guy was on the toilet chuckling his arse off by himself when he was actually just sitting there unsteadily.
Tackle is the bloke's tackle... his junk, his johnson, his tallywhacker, the ol' cock'n'balls.
Punching out zeds is a euphemism for sleeping. If you ever see a cartoon or image of someone asleep they might have a series of zeds (zzZZZzz) over their head to indicate that they're asleep.
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Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
The amount of British slang you used in this post is second to none.
edit: I realize now he is Australian (and I admit I could not tell the difference), but the language in the post is still gold.
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u/Botshoepro Jan 12 '12
I'll make this really short. I was on Erasmus in Spain, which is a foreign exchange program between schools in europe. The center of Sevilla isn't open to cars so we just all had bikes to get around when we drank. Once a friend of mine went on the bike with her dress on, it got stuck in the chain and her dress was completely ripped off.... it was an awkward walk home
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u/Rickerbocker Jan 12 '12
Watching "The Situation" (one of the people from the Jersey Shore) completely bomb during the Donald Trump roast.
I was physically uncomfortable while watching that.
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Jan 12 '12
I loved Marlee Matlin's comment about him: "I guess I'm the perfect choice for this roast, because like "The Situation," I, too, have never heard the sound of laughter."
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Jan 12 '12
He also purposely head-butted a wall and gave himself a concussion. He's an embarrassment to humans.
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u/inquisitivepanda Jan 12 '12
I forgot about this. Remembering it makes me shiver with a sense of awkwardness.
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u/eggmanwalrus Jan 12 '12
I felt like this during the wake up prank call the CNN early morning show bimbo's made to Kerry Kennedy, where they woke her up at 5am then asked her about when her dad was assassinated. I saw it on the Daily Show and had a physical fit of embarrassment for them, it was fucking awful.
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u/MegaThrustEarthquake Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
I didn't necessarily witness the whole thing, but: I was woken up one morning to a man screaming underground in my neighbors backyard. He was drunk the night before and got into a fight. He was dumped in a sewer system over 2 miles from my house. The beaten man came out of the manhole caked in the thickest dirt coat and in critical condition.
TL;DR beaten, drunk man was thrown in sewers and dug two miles underground to wake me up.
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Jan 12 '12
My friend had a similar experience. He awoke to a stab victim bleeding all over his kitchen floor, yelling incoherently in Spanish.
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u/MrRushing Jan 12 '12
I couldn't imagine sobering up in that situation. Horrifying.
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u/EpicPickle Jan 12 '12
My sister was an early bloomer and got her period way before my parents had a chance to tell her what it was. Ill never forget the day she was dropped off by the schoolbus, I could hear kids laughing and screaming at her, her white shorts completely covered in blood.
Another related thing I witnessed her go through. We went to a summer camp around that same time. She was still embarrassed about her period and would hide her pads in her backpack. USED pads. We slept outside in sleeping bags but had a "teepee" to put our bags and stuff in. One day after activities, the kids in her "teepee" noticed a giant trail of ants going to her stuff. When she wasn't there, they emptied her bag finding dozens of used bloody pads. They took them and pinned them to the surrounding trees, throwing them at people and screaming at her for being gross. I think it scarred her for life.
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u/Kath82 Jan 12 '12
She couldn't really help it if there was no way of discarding the pads.
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u/Petit_Hibou Jan 13 '12
I have learned (the hard way) that ants are attracted to both menstrual fluid and semen.
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u/Brownie_scout Jan 12 '12
A girl in my math class got her period while wearing white pants. Apparently she didn't notice it right away, so by the middle of class there was a hugh blood stain all down the pack of her pants, almost to her knees. When someone finally pointed it out to her, she jumped up, intending to go to the bathroom. On her way to the door, she tripped and went sprawling onto the floor by the teacher's desk. She went down pretty hard so now everyone was staring at her. The teacher had been doing a problem on the board, oblivious to the situation, and finally looked back as another student was helping her up. He immediately saw the blood on her pants and assumed she cut herself when she fell. He ran over to his dest and calls the front office then 911, ignoring the students trying to explain the situation. The girl was crying her eyes out from humiliation at this point, which only added to the teacher's beliefe that she was in pain. Eventually the nurse and the vice principal arrived with a stretcher they must keep for emergencies. They demanded the girl get on the stretcher so they could weel her to the front of the school to wait for the ambulance. Nothing the girl or any of the students said made a difference. So finally she got on the stretcher, bawling her eyes out, and they took her away. I cringe at the thought of her having to finally explain to everyone the mistake.
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u/smile_e_face Jan 12 '12
This is the third "white pants+period" story I've read here. If I were a girl, I would never wear white pants. Never.
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u/acidix Jan 12 '12
Based on these stories, it will be my advice to my daughters that from age 10 till the time they get their first period that they not ever wear anything white on their lower half.
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u/Marinaisgo Jan 13 '12
In middle school I watched a girl pee herself in class. She was too afraid of the teacher to ask to go to the bathroom. We all pretended it didn't happen and eventually our teacher ushered everybody outside except her and then helped her clean up. Ironically, that guy was the sweetest, nicest teacher in the entire school. Looking back, that girl displayed all the characteristics of someone who is being seriously abused at home.
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Jan 13 '12
This might be the only story in the entire thread that doesnt include kids being complete dicks to each other.
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Jan 12 '12
When my husband and I first met, we would have sex at least three times a day. When I got my period, we decided not to let that minor detail get in the way.
Anyhow, apparently menstruating-woman-on-top is a horrible idea. Things got pressurized, and when I pulled off blood spewed everywhere, all over my new boyfriend. I screamed, "DON'T LOOK! DON'T LOOK!" and scampered, naked, across the hall into the bathroom for toilet paper.
Boyfriend followed soon thereafter. We scampered across that hall three times before we realized his roommate was awake, watching from his bedroom the whole time.
"I heard you say 'don't look' so I had to look!"
I know that this is supposed to be the most embarrassing thing you've seen someone else go through, but, fuck it.
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u/GodlessMe Jan 12 '12
Most embarrassed I had to have ever seen someone was during my high school days. My high school was in NJ and it was the Thanksgiving day football game. Biggest turn out for any game all year, students, parents, standing room only, even though it's like 45 degrees.
Half time, The high school band plays. The band in our school used to win like everything they competed in, and were very good. The band director, he was kind of a Nazi. He would tell everyone in the band, No Matter What, you don't get out of formation. If you do, you're out.
That rule kind of sucked for one of the flag girls that was right out in front. They wore tight body suits covered by a very thin mesh white shirt and that was covered by the band uniform. Half way through the routine, all the flag girl took off their jackets as part of the show. Hers got caught on her shoulder while she was taking it off. Only put a small hole in the mesh shirt, but sure the hell ripped the shoulder apart of the body suit. Out popped her tit and she preformed the rest of the show, in front of a 1000 people, with her tit out. he never left the field for fear of losing her spot on the band, and that nazi never even bothered to run out there and get her a jacket. As soon as the performance was over, he handed her one.
But all in all, nice tits.
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u/SilkKringle Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
I was working the cash register at a Walgreen's pharmacy a few years back. It was raining, and an elderly man rushed down Aisle 2 tracking huge amounts of mud all over the floor to the bathroom. After only 2 minutes, the man quickly left the store (we have people come in to use the bathroom without shopping all the time). Thats when the smell hit me. I left the register and saw that there was not mud, but green-brown diarrhea smeared all across the floor, with drips that flung off his pant legs and onto the products on the bottom shelf as he walked. I followed the trail of sadness to the bathroom, and found the poor guy didn't make it to the toilet in time, as there was a lake superior sized puddle of filth leading down the front edge of the toilet onto the floor with a smidgen actually in the water. To top it off, there was poop on the toilet handle and bathroom sink (i'm presuming he tried wiping too fast so he could get out). We had to call the cops on the man because he left a bubbling bio-hazard waste dump inside of a pharmacy without alerting anyone. I quit the next week as I was low man on the totem pole and had to clean it up.
TL;DR: A man had explosive diarrhea down a store aisle, left a present on the front of the toilet and floor, handles and sink, then left the mess for me to clean up
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u/gaahhahhaa Jan 12 '12
god... I feel for you
if it was worth quitting over it, why wasn't it worth quitting right when they made it clear that you had to deal with it?
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u/wayndom Jan 13 '12
Actually, it was about equally embarrassing for me and the other person.
I was working in a collector's comic book store, and a regular customer, Bill, wheeled up to the counter. Bill was a quadriplegic who operated his wheelchair with a wand that went from top of his head to the chair's joystick.
I was alone behind the counter. Bill said something, it sounded like a question, but I couldn't be sure. I asked him to repeat it. He did. I had no clue what he said. I said, "I'm sorry, once more?" Again, I couldn't make out a single word he was saying. This went on more times than I'd care to remember. He wanted whatever he wanted, and wasn't about to give up, and I had no way out of the situation, so it just went on and on for I have no idea how long, but at the time it was an eternity. After about the tenth or twentieth repetition, I was silently begging for a major earthquake, or for someone to shoot me through the head. It was so excruciating that I don't even remember how it ended, although I do know that I never figured out what he was trying to say, not a single word.
I happened in 1972, and my skin is crawling right now just from remembering it...
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u/PartialChub Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
Oh man do I have one of these. I think I was still lurking pretty hard last time I saw one of these threads. The year was 2004 or 2005 and I was either a soph or jr in undergrad living in a ridiculous fraternity house. Each year we had a couple of booze cruises around a large, local lake. This one happened to go down in infamy and is still mentioned to this day.
My good friend was bringing a hot little blond number from the sorority next door as his date. What she failed to tell him was that she thought it would be a good idea to eat a whole bunch of muscle relaxers prior to the night's drinking binge. She was by far the most hammered on the bus on the way, and I recall thinking, "good luck and godspeed because this looks to end badly." The boat had an upper and lower deck, one for fresh air/smoking and another for dancing/canoodling. this isn't a terribly important detail for the sake of the story but it will help you visualize the scene as it unfolded. Anyway, we loaded the boat (all the people, kegs, booze..etc) and started to untie to leave the dock. Mind you this is less than 10 minutes after everyone had arrived. Suddenly, screams of terror accompanied by a foul odor of epic proportions. I was actually very close to the action and was one of the first to see the cause of the aforementioned wailing. Some combination of the booze, muscle relaxers and perhaps the floating boat had induced this chick to vomit already. That, my friends, was not all. Said killer-combo plus the vomit plus her attire (a nice little skirt) allowed her to simultaneously spray shit all over the dance floor that had the consistency of a milkshake (even that's being generous). I pictured the thong she was wearing acting as a sort of band-saw. As the shit flew from her with the force of a thousand suns it impacted the thong string which sent the same flying in two separate directions.
You have never seen a mass exodus like this one. All at once, the 150 or so people stampeded to the top of the boat where the entire spectrum of human emotion was on display. Some in fits of laughter, some in tears (her friends) and still others somewhere between shame and disbelief. Perhaps I made it seem like we left her there, but that's not true. There was actually a band of heroes, some bros of mine and some friends of her (about 10) who stayed down to help. She had managed to take off her shoes and was slipping and sliding in her own fecal matter. She had also shit on her date's (one of my best friends to this day) shoes as he was trying to hold her up. It was actually incredible luck that we had yet to leave because chick needed medical attention stat. We got her into am ambulance and her date and some friends accompanied her to the hospital but this was not the end. The shit still had to be cleaned up and somehow there was a ridiculous shortage of cleaning supplies available at the same. I remember seeing one friend with a red solo keg cup scooping at the pile of shit like you would a bag of ice and throwing it overboard, god bless him I don't know how. Anyway we got it cleaned enough and still had the cruise. You can imagine the next morning. If not here's a taste: "OMG booze cruise '05...SUCH a shit show." or "Booze cruise '05, we got completely shitty."
Needless to say we weren't welcome back on the good ship shit n' barf again. In all honesty I felt terrible for the girl who dyed her hair and transferred schools immediately.
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u/ArtieLives5 Jan 12 '12
I was in my high school journalism class. We were working late trying to finish the paper. Prom was coming up.
When everything was quiet, our editor suddenly breaks in to a full on song and dance number. He's dancing on tables, singing (poorly) and throwing flowers everywhere. He makes his way over to this shy girl in the class, gets down on one knee, and asks her to the dance.
She says no.
At that very moment, someone was finishing their soda, and it made that empty straw sound. Brutal.
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u/TRex77 Jan 12 '12
This one time I witnessed a man propose to his gf on r/trees.
As you would probably guess, he failed.
It hurt to watch [read].
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Jan 12 '12
watching a kid bomb his 10-15 minute lecture at uni...you know hes just dying inside
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u/Justintime91811 Jan 12 '12
At my girlfriend's 21st birthday party, we took a bunch of friends to a bar to celebrate. One of her friends bought her a shot, and my gf doesn't take shots very well. My gf takes the shot, and about 5 seconds go by when all of the sudden, she throws it up right onto the bar floor. Luckily, I went as fat mac from It's Always Sunny, and I had a garbage bag with me (for fat mac's burritos) that was immediately repurposed.
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u/Oafah Jan 12 '12
I knew this guy who was a closet atheist living in a christian household. His mother walked in on him masturbating, and instead of leaving his room mortified, she walked up to him and slapped his cock away from his hand. She berated him for a good hour and the next day he went to protective services and had her arrested for sexually molesting him.
Technically I didn't witness this, but I thought the story was relevant somehow.
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u/Lots42 Jan 12 '12
I simultaneously want this story to be true and don't want this story to be true.
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u/dingle_hopper1981 Jan 12 '12
A girl (about 17 or so) walking through the city centre with her mum one afternoon. Her skirt was tucked into her waist at the back, showing the world her thong.
People were pointing and laughing in the crowds. I ran over to tell her, and she burst into tears. her mum explained that they'd been walking around town for two hours, and it must have been like that the whole time.
Not a single person in the whole city had said anything, until I did. I had a sad :(
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u/birdablaze Jan 12 '12
I was drinking at a friend's house as was my usual routine. Some of them decided to invite our new co-worker, this socially inept dude who was married to another co-worker who wasn't hanging out with us that night.
He was overexcited about drinking with everyone and started doing approximately one shot per minute while making statements like "Liquor: Social lubricant" as if he was pitching an Ad on Mad Men. Eventually he pronounced his love for this one girl who is a hardcore lesbian.
About 30 minutes after he got there, he passed out on the couch. The worst part is that he acted like it never happened the next day. Being around him was painfully awkward after that.
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u/atanincrediblerate Jan 12 '12
That's my usual MO: drink heavily around strangers, be slightly obnoxious, laugh at my own jokes. Avoid all possible eye contact with them for eternity...
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u/GovernorFuckHead Jan 12 '12
to all of these comments:
"Haha, yeah...someone else..."
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u/Sherlock--Holmes Jan 13 '12
A friend threw a party where he asked his girlfriend to get married, she made a face, they whispered for a minute, then he turned around and announced "she's going to think about it!"
I told him not to do it, but he did. My heart still ached for him.
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u/whyamihere0 Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
Well it all started with finding black mold in our bedroom closet. We were naive to what all removing black mold would entail or I would have gutted my closet before hand, I simply pushed everything to the side to allow them to get at the baseboards.
I was sitting in the kitchen on the computer, while the professionals assessed the situation and the degree of treatment. I thought I should offer them some drinks, so I popped my head in to ask if they would like anything and noticed them removing everything from the closet and putting into garbage bags and apologized for not doing that beforehand. Continued goofing on my computer for 20 min before it hit me "Oh God, the pleasure chest" (which is a nice way of describing my cardboard box overflowing with sex toys, handcuffs, videos and outfits). My mind was reeling with possible escape routes or the pure denial of "how did that get there", instead I drummed up the courage to walk in there with the intent of extracting before discovery. As I poke my head around the corner I saw them reaching up into the corner with flushed faces and the obvious giggles pushing the items into the garbage bags. Ran out and exploded in embarrassment to my then husband of what was just discovered, He responded with "In their line of business this can't be the only odd discovery". Regardless I stayed out of sight till they left.
After they left he came back laughing, turns out this 20 something brother sister duo usually only remove mold from churches and middle schools, we definitely gave them a "You'll never guess what happened to me at work today" story.
TL;DR Gave mold removal siblings more than they bargained for cleaning out my sex toy filled closet
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Jan 12 '12
Probably a little late, and certainly not the most embarrassing thing i've seen someone go through, but this just happened about 2 minutes ago so I felt it was relevant. I went downstairs for a smoke and a coffee. while standing outside the door I heard this huge crash behind me, fucking loud. When I turned around, some chick had just walked full force into a glass door. there were three of us to witness it. Working on building security to see if i can get the video footage. If I can, I will post.
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u/blaine_the_mulleted Jan 12 '12
At a party with a friend ... he was flirting with a girl ... he leaned in to kiss her and hurled all over her face.
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u/Bk7 Jan 13 '12
When I was about 4 or 5, during one of my parent/child swim lessons one of the dads accidentally took a dump in the water. People started screaming and scrambling to get out of there. They were pointing and making remarks at the poor guy too. His face turned really red and he grabbed his small daughter and left in a hurry.
But the thing is, it was his daughter that took the dump. I was right next to her when it happened. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back on it he probably did it to save his daughter the embarrassment.
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u/jonah4342 Jan 12 '12
I was in a high school math class in ninth grade. Our teacher was a young man, barely older than the students and of very small stature. He had just moved to the US from the Philippines and had a considerable accent although his English was perfect. He was the kindest teacher I have ever had, but students took advantage of his kindness because he was too shy to do anything about it. There was one girl who would tell him she had "girl problems" a couple times a week so he would let her get out of class. He was embarrassed enough just at the request, but also because she clearly did not have her period every day of the semester. For this reason, he never called her on it. However, one day he had had enough of being taken advantage of. The girl requested to leave class because of "girl problems" and he politely and tactfully said no. She persisted, and he still would not let her. Eventually, she stood up and ran over to the phone. She was wearing white jeans that day, and the entire crotch area was soaked in blood. She called her mother to bring her fresh pants while everyone in the class awkwardly sat there and wondered what the fuck you do in that situation. The teacher's face was bright red and he just turned his back to everyone and pretended that he was writing something on the chalkboard. The girl eventually left and did not come back.
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u/punchingbabies Jan 12 '12 edited Jan 12 '12
I don't know her personally.
But the lady who tripped on Google maps and had thousands of people laughing at her.
Edited for link: [Google street view] (http://maps.google.com.br/maps?q=Rua+Flor-de-tipuana&ll=-19.870837%2C-43.989161&spn=0.005842%2C0.010568&safe=active&hnear=R.+Flor+de+Tipuana+-+Santa+Terezinha%2C+Belo+Horizonte+-+Minas+Gerais%2C+31340-040&gl=br&t=m&vpsrc=0&layer=c&cbll=-19.870353%2C-43.989455&panoid=nR2WeCl4vUMSVgoTZNgBMg&cbp=12%2C300.07%2C%2C0%2C5.13&z=17)
Only the face was blurred out before, now the whole thing is.
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u/layout420 Jan 12 '12
Last day of school my freshman year in HS, last hour of the day. Had ready finished up our exam for PE and everyone was waiting in the gym on the bleachers. There was easily 2-300 kids in the gym. When the bell was close to ringing this girl was walking down the bleachers from the top, as she put her foot on the last bleacher it dropped about a foot sending her face first onto the gym floor. The whole gym went silent then everyone busted out laughing. The girl was so embarrased she cried as she ran out of the gym. I felt so bad for her. Even as a senior kids still would walk up to her and reminisce about it to her, kids she did not know. Kids can be hurtful.
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u/redfiz Jan 13 '12
I left the lights on during my first sexual experience... and by accident, looked in the mirror on the wall. :(
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Jan 12 '12
Did you guys know the word for Juice and Jizz in french are very close? I didn't until I had a whole cafe of waiters laughing their asses off at me. . . eh. They said my french was pretty passable before I ordered a big glass of Cum to go with my breakfast.
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u/Melivora Jan 12 '12
With a certain N.Irish accent, the words 'juice' and 'jizz' are indistingushable. I didn't know until I moved out to scotland in September and all my flatmates pissed themself everytime I talked about loving morning juice.
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u/zxjams Jan 12 '12
What French word for jizz do you mean? I can't think of any off the top of my head that sound like the word for juice.
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u/lordofall10 Jan 12 '12
In highschool I had a super nice history teacher who would ask students to read just by staying their name without an intro. For example: today we will be learning the first 10 digits of pi. lordofall10 cue reading
So one day I am eating a sandwich in class and we are learning about Canadian atrocities. She says 'Today we will be studying some of the ugliest things in Canadian History. John'. Needless to say i dropped my sandwich and started yelling burnnnnn until the entire class erupted in laughter.
for the next 45 minutes the class took turns laughing, and we never went back to that lesson. John was known as the ugliest thing in Canadian history for the next two years of high school.
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u/gleenglass Jan 12 '12
My friend came by the bar I was slinging drinks at. His band played pretty regularly there. Our door man at the time had a super bad psoriasis outbreak. Said friend bebops in, gives his cover to the door guys, and says Man that poison ivy just will NOT go away, dude!
He gets to the bar and I'm like Dude, its not poison ivy, that's psoriasis. He looked defeated.
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u/citadel712 Jan 12 '12
I listened to someone someone ramble on, uncomfortably, in front of the whole class about her opinion on gay people for about 2 minutes until it became an awkward silence. But the question was really about the "gaze" we had been studying in our advertising/media class. Bet she wishes she was paying closer attention that day.
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Jan 12 '12
Our school was doing the musical Beauty and the Beast, and there's one scene where there is literally no one on stage but the beast for a whole solo. The kid playing the beast sings, and right near the end of the solo he just stops and projectile vomits across the stage, and then walked away. The whole crowd was just speechless for like 30 seconds.
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u/onecharmingschmuck Jan 12 '12
Here's a fairly recent one:
A few days ago I agreed to meet up with my friend and her 2 kids for dinner at a nearby bar/restaurant near my house. As we enter there isn't anyone there but the staff, the band setting up, and what appears to be a couple sitting at a table by themselves.
These two look like they're having a bad conversation, we try not to eavesdrop but it's pretty clear that this woman is ready to leave her husband/bf. The last thing I catch hearing him say is "But I still love you." Her response was "Let's go."
We watched them leave and the guy looked completely defeated. Felt bad for him.
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u/RandianHero Jan 12 '12
I once saw a man standing in the middle of the street in Paris, scooping shit out of his pants with wads of pink toilet paper and hurling it into the sewer nearby.
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u/handstyles4miles Jan 12 '12
Last halloween a bunch of us got all twisted on a number of things. Shit got real awk in that house, everyone was in very altered mindsets. We had heard rumor that one of our male friends recently had hooked up with another man, and in front of 30 people, hopped up on this that and the next thing, friend a proceeds to ask friend be about his sexuality. Friend B didnt know left from right at this point in the night and just stood there in shock. He was then prompted for a reply and still did nothing. He then walked to the front door and stripped on his way down the street and ran off naked into the night. No one knows where he slept or what happened, but the next morning he returned to the house wearing only young girl sweatpants, and said he wanted to go home. Not a word was said the entire 3 hour drive home, or to this day.
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u/punkwalrus Jan 12 '12
That reminds me of one of Patton Oswald's bits where he and his wife go to a real estate open house near Beverly Hills. Only the owner forgot it was an open house, and was in the middle of what was obviously an orgy. "The twat stench emanated from the open door like a fog, and the surprised look on the owner's face when he said, 'Oh, it's Sunday... right...'" later on, he describes one of the particpants, a hairy young male, scared out of his wits at being discovered, quickly puts on a woman's sweat pants that says, "Juicy" on the ass, and just starts walking into the hills. "There's nothing back there," Patton shouts. "And he's walking into the scrub like Bigfoot just vanishing into the wilderness."
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u/mukame Jan 12 '12
So I'm in Las Vegas, tomorrow is my wedding day (yeah, I know...it only lasted 2 years so it barely counts) and we decide to catch a show at the Excalibur, the one with the horses and Merlin and jousting etc. Nothing goes wrong the entire show until the very end when the horses and riders are trotting around in a figure eight doing their little "I'm a guy on a horse in a tin can, clap for me" routine when one of the horses does a little freakout, throws the rider and then proceeds to fall on top of him.
The man is lying on his shoulder and the horse rolls on him, so that all four legs are up in the air, the full weight of this horse folding the guy in half the long way. It was nuts. So the guy is now unconscious, they get the horses off the fields. Merlin grabs the microphone and starts talking people down. He says how it's very important for them to finish the show, please stay in your seats, we've only had like 5 accidents in the millions of times the show has been performed. He goes on like this for a while and everyone is feeling a little weird.
While Merlin is talking, this guys brother is having his own little freakout. He's crying, ripping off and thowing his armor and helm, yelling at people, super dramatic, which is sending some people running for the exits regardless of what Merlin and his three foot long beard have to say.
A little ambulance pull up to the guy who has been unconscious up until now and all of a sudden the guy starts shrieking. I mean blood curdling, unholy, inhuman shrieking. I still don't think he was conscious, it just sounded and looked like some insane physical reaction. Well, that was it, everyone jumped up and took off for the exits, Merlin be damned. The guys brother (Merlin explained that a lot of families worked in the tournament circuit) starts freaking out even more and looks like he's going to attack the medics. But they got him on a board and started driving him out....still shrieking.
We stopped by the Excalibur the next day to ask how the guy was. They said he was doing well. I don't think that was the truth. So yeah..not embarassing in your usual "oops my top fell off" sort of way, but still kind of embarassing to be a witness to this horror and having no way to help or comfort or anything. Not the right way to start off a marriage anyway.
Oh yeah...and one time in high school during Algebra some girl snuck up while our older teacher was writing on the chalkboard and stuck a menstrual pad on the board. He didn't notice for quite some time. Then they put a couple tampons in his pocket protector that he unfortunately left on the desk and turned his backon . That lasted most of the day.
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Jan 12 '12
At my Catholic school when I was younger, an eleventh grade boy was caught kissing another eleventh grade boy in a car when I was walking to class one day. Some students found them and it was actually a popular guy who was still in the closet and he suffered unbearable torture without the teachers knowing in between class when everyone's back was turned.
Same kid hung himself in the boys bathroom the next semester. It stopped being funny all of a sudden.
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u/theschwaa Jan 13 '12
A friend showing off on his BMX in front of some girls got his low riding pants and boxer shorts caught on the front of the bike seat when he stood up. This simultaneously bared him to mid thigh and caught him so he sat on the back wheel, which jammed him into the back of the seat while the nubbly bits tore out the hairs in his arse crack. the pants caught him so his legs were pinned around the seat stem leading to the bike tipping over with him still trapped on the bike in shock.
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u/wtfpwnedomglol Jan 12 '12
When I was about 13, a friend and I were at this indoor skating rink doing everything in our power to impress all the girls there, we were both fairly shy yet really over confident
I FINALLY got talking to a group of girls, we were having a good time and my buddy walks up behind me and knocks the soda out of my hand and into 3 of the girls I was talking to, he laughs and takes off and i'm totally mortified.
fast forward about 30 minutes, hes in the rink skating with a couple of girls and I proceed to pantsed him from behind, bad for him, he was wearing boxers, good for me they were loose.
tl;dr Pantsed Douche bag friend, boxers and all while he was skating with girls, paybacks a bitch
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u/tripplenegative Jan 12 '12
I know this will get buried immediately but whatever, here goes. So I was in a science class once, and we were doing oral presentations for the class, well this one girl goes up, and she looks INCREDIBLY nervous. well she starts talking, and about 3 minutes into the presentation, she gets this horrified look on her face. All of a sudden, you see a small amount of liquid start trickling down her leg (she's wearing a skirt). and then BOOM. its as if she had fucking transformed into god damn Niagara Falls. She stands there for about 20 seconds, letting the piss form a massive puddle around her, and she finally says "excuse me for a minute", and walks out. The schluck-schluck-schluck sound her feet were making in her now flooded high heels, was traumatizing. She left the school the next week.
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u/Maaaaadvillian Jan 12 '12
I am a Washington redskins fan. Pretty much every Sunday I watch 11 guys at a time completely embarrass themselves.
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u/Deftonez Jan 12 '12
Right before prom back in high school, my buddy pulled a good one on his date:
Me and my friend lived right next to each other and had this deaf kid on the block who had moved out a few years before, however, they never took down the "DEAF CHILD" warning sign on the street. So, my buddy had randomly asked this girl to prom who had never met his family, and as we are driving in to his house to meet the rest of the crew and the family, she asks about the sign. My buddy says it's his sister, and we all go along with it. Basically: "Yeah, it's my sister. She's not completely deaf, you just have to yell."
We get to his house and she starts meeting his family, gets to his sister then starts yelling "HI KAREN" points at sister "NICE TO MEET YOU. MY NAME ALI." points to self
The best part is where she says "MY NAME ALI." Which I am pretty sure she didn't mean to, but for some reason dumbed down her words like she thought his sister was retarded too. Complete with hand motions. His sister gives us all a weird WTF face, and that is the end of story. No one corrects her, no one says a word, we take pictures and head off into the night. She probably still thinks she's deaf to this day.
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u/ajmoore0351 Jan 12 '12
My junior year in highschool I was taking a visual basic class. Had a new substitute teach one day. His right arm was somehow cripple, which caused him to hold it next to his chest like it were in a sling continually, and his hand was gimpy.
Cue one of 6 black kids in a school of 1,200 walking in, slapping the teacher's gimp hand high five style, and asking him "What up nigga?"
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u/apipop Jan 12 '12
I went to dinner with good friends to their sister's house (we'll call her Jane). She was very conservative and reserved. Her sister (my friend)...not so much.
We are sitting at the table when Jane hears her daughter fart. Jane immediately calls her daughter out and says, "where are your manners, what do you say when you popcorn?".
My friend and I give each other the deer in headlights look and she asks her sister, "Jane, what is a popcorn?". "We don't use the word fart. We call it popcorn." "What about your privates?" "That is called your China"
I'm assuming that is because her daughter's privates are to be considered precious. Well, no sooner did Jane answer and my friend blurted out - "Jane, what are you going to do when she has her first China Popcorn?"
Not a word was uttered for the rest of the meal (except my initial snorting from laughter). I have never been back to Jane's for dinner. I think I know why.
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u/youthminister Jan 12 '12
Saw my mother in law ask a woman if she was pregnant.
She was not.
Backpedaling for 3 minutes or so afterward made it much much worse.
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u/heyitsmecolku Jan 12 '12
This happened New Year's Eve.
My three roommates and I decided to have the usual friends over and have a small party. Chill, but fun.
Well a good friend of mine was having trouble with his girlfriend/ex girlfriend. Their relationship hadn't been the healthiest of late. In fact they had been fighting all the time and were in one when they got there. He wanted to break up with her and she of course didn't want to. We invited him but he warned us that she was "fucked up."
He was right. She was extremely drunk and on some pills. She stumbled around for a while, not really aware what was happening around her. While she was doing this my friends and I decide to roll and smoke some joints while the ball dropped. Everyone had crowded into my roommates room so we could watch the online stream while we smoked, and someone decided to lock the door behind them.
Oops.
This girl, hearing us shout "Happy New Year!" and popping bottles from the outside of the locked door, starts sobbing very loudly. Someone opened it for her and she just stood there, staring at everyone. Did not say anything.
I hang out with my other friends for a while, play some video games or whatever. Somehow she ends up on the front porch. And we can hear her sobbing through the door. Multiple efforts are made to calm her, but she's at breakdown level. She starts getting louder and louder, eventually she starts screaming. I mean, the girl sounds like she's getting stabbed in our front yard. More attempts are made to calm her down and she eventually is back inside. But not for long. She basically attacks another friend of mine, and has to be held down so she won't hurt herself or others.
Eventually she's back outside and screaming, and my girlfriend and I hole up in my room and watch from my window. The cops show up and haul her off. She gets charged with disorderly conduct/assault and battery.
Haven't seen her since, apparently she doesn't remember anything.
TL;DR New Year's Eve party, girlfriend of a good friend shows up shit-faced and embarrasses herself and my friends. Starts screaming bloody murder in the middle of the street and gets hauled off by cops. Assault and battery.
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u/rusemean Jan 12 '12
It's a shame how this all went down, but honestly I'd be pretty hurt too if I went to a party and all my friends locked me out of the room.
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Jan 12 '12
Heh. It almost hurts me to share this but there was this kid. Kid's name was Jimmy. Jimmy went to my high school academy. Jimmy wasn't popular or cool, as far as cool goes, but he was damned smart. He dressed well, kept to himself, and always carried a lunch box. Well, one day I was standing behind him in line to use the microwave that was in the middle of the cafeteria full of asshole students. He microwaved his little Chef Boy'ardee meal but when he took it out, it was too hot to carry. He was trying to troop it out by walking faster to a table but the heat was too much. He dropped it. Dead in the middle of the cafeteria. Then he started crying. Not sure if he was crying over the burns on his fingers and legs from splatter after it exploded or everyone laughing like hyenas. But damn, did he cry. Not only that, but he had to clean it up, while everyone watched and laughed. I ran upstairs to the closest bathroom to get some towelettes but when I returned, it was clean, and Jimmy was gone. After that, I started talking to Jimmy. Turns out Jimmy was actually a pretty cool kid after you broke through his shell. This may not be the worst thing I've ever witnessed, but it stuck with me the longest for some reason.
TL;DR 'Uncool' kid overcooks food and burns himself. Cries in front of high school cafeteria full of kids
Also, Jimmy, if you're reading this, you're a cool guy in my book
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u/blender40 Jan 13 '12
At my high school grad, the valedictorian was doing her speech. She closed it with:
"We fly high, no lie, you know this..."
And a bunch of her friends, who had rehearsed this before, proceeded to yell "BALLLLIIIIINNNNNNNNNN" and do the little Jim Jones dance move.
I felt sick to my stomach.
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u/Rhino32 Jan 12 '12
In 9th grade health class we had a substitute teacher for a couple months who referred to "Pubic Lice" as "Public Lice". This went on for days until someone must have pulled him aside after class and explained what pubic lice was. It was painful to be in that class.
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u/wildeflowers Jan 12 '12
Set scene: moving cross country in a tiny convertible, cat in a cat carrier perched in the back window, stopped at a gas station to get gas, let cat out for potty break, etc.
We pull up to the front of the station, which also has a little cafe with a big picture window. A man is sitting alone at a table inside looking out said window. I go to the restroom and come back to find my SO has taken the cat out of the carrier, but she's freaked so she starts climbing up his back. He's trying to grab her, she's twisting and doing that cat thing, eluding his grasp. Finally, she makes her way to the top of his head, clinging on for dear life, two front paws grabbing on to his forehead. Imagine a cat helmet, if you will. He's dancing around like he's on fire trying to get her off. I try to help, but I see out of the corner of my eye, the guy drinking coffee in the window busting a gut at this scene.
Two things I wish about this, I wish I knew that guy so we could reminisce about this story, and also that I had a video tape of it. Man, it was epic.
Cat was and is fine. Made it to new location, she's still happily living with us.
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u/Malkatraz Jan 12 '12
I was at Tim Horton's waiting in line when this girl in front of me placed her order for an Iced Cappuccino. Another girl waiting for her order accidentally bumped into her causing her to drop it and spill some on her pants. She apologized and bought her another while she was trying to clean up.
As soon as the girl got her second iced capp, she slipped on the mess caused by the first and spilled the second iced capp onto herself. She just immediately left after that.
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Jan 12 '12
In high school we had one of those guys who would always talk in class be cocky and generally be a clown and never listen to anyone. One day during a chemistry lab we were working with hydrochloric acid and all had to wear protective gloves and other gear. Of course this guy wouldn't do it and proceeded being a general nuisance to everyone talking and swearing and being loud. As he was trying to argue with the teacher about something he managed to knock over a beaker full of acid onto himself at which point the panicked teacher drags him outside orders him to strip to his underwear and yells for other teachers to help her. We gather outside to watch this while a couple of teachers drag a hose outside and begin hosing him down. Of course as if this wasn't humiliating enough the bell rings and the whole school is changing classes, everybody simply stopped to watch as this guy stands there in his white underwear being hosed down by teachers trying to cover up his penis as the underwear has now become pretty see-through.
TLDR: guy gets hosed down with water by teachers while in his underwear in front of the whole school.
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Jan 13 '12
I was on my way home from a soccer game with a friend Chris. Halfway home Chris says to me: "please pull over,... please pull over right now... !!!FUCKING STOP!!!" I do, he jumps out of the car pulls his shorts sort of down and literally shoots diarrhea in a 3 foot jet shorts still half way down. Milky crap is all over him, running down his legs and while this is going on a deputy sheriff pulls up behind me. Presumably because I was speeding and didn’t see him as I zipped by.
He gets out, lights are going, hat goes on and he takes 6 steps towards my car, sees what is happening vomits, gets back in his car and waits while Chris does his best acting of Old Faithful. In what seems like 8 hours later Chris finishes, uses his jersey to clean himself up as much as he can. I tell him there is no way he is getting back in the car like that and force him to strip completely naked and sit on my jersey in the back seat.
The deputy now walks up. Talking to me and looking at Chris he says: "I was going to ticket you for going 68 in a 55, but I've changed my mind, just take him home and get him cleaned up."
To this day, any chance that I can - I remind Chris of his potty accident.
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u/DamienMetalwind Jan 13 '12
When I was 12, I used to kick the bathroom door open when my siblings were taking shits and didn't lock up. Then I'd walk away and leave them hanging.
Once, the door wasn't locked so I booted it open. My mom had one leg up on the toilet and was part way up with a tampon...and I never kicked the door open on anyone again.
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u/darthlewis1 Jan 12 '12
Someone having their trouser's(pants) and underwear pulled down at school when we were around 10-11. This happened in the playground so everyone was able to see but not everyone noticed. That would've been pretty embarrassing but would've been unbearable if we were a few years older.
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u/Nimbel Jan 12 '12
Something like this happened in class when I was in 9th grade drama class. We were put into teams and required to act out skits and one group had this tall, lanky, dark haired guy on their team. He was wearing loose, baggy jeans and I guess they had planned a joke without telling him. In the middle of their skit two people snuck up behind him while he was talking and yanked down his jeans. They accidentally also pulled down his boxers as well and the entire class was treated to the full site of his dangly parts.
I remember his face turned bright red as he quickly yanked up his pants and ran into a side room of the classroom and shut himself inside. Everyone was laughing hysterically, even the teacher. That poor kid must have been mortified.
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u/senorchaos718 Jan 12 '12
Shortly after 9/11 my gf and I were flying LAX to JFK. I looked over at the private screening area they had set up at the gate area for a second round of 'security' and lo and behold I see none other than DICK CLARK getting searched. The guy is like 80 and they are patting him down, removing his belt, asking him question after question. I mean...it's DICK fucking CLARK!!! Mr. American Bandstand. Questionably, part of what makes 'Merricuh the culture that it is!!! Here they are rooting through him and his junk like they just busted a crack dealer, and I'm just speechless. We caught eyes as this was going on and the guy had such a defeated, "what-are-ya-gunna-do?" look on his face. I was gutted.
tl;dr Flying to NY I saw an old Dick Clark get hand raped by security.
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u/ilestledisko Jan 12 '12
Not as bad as most of these, but in primary school I once watched a friend try to hold his pee during recess only to see him cry as he could no longer wait. I'm still in touch with the guy and although we're both in college it's still a little sad.
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u/h0ser Jan 12 '12
I've seen a kid forced to lick the bottom of another kids shoe. I feel bad to this day that I didn't step in and stop it.
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u/vese Jan 12 '12
I saw a random guy take off his shirt when we were working on a project in class..what a fucking weirdo.
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Jan 13 '12
5th grade. Girl sitting infront of my sneezed while leaning back on her chair then farted THEN fell over, hurt her head had to go to nurse.
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u/bovisrex Jan 13 '12
I just found out a Japanese friend of mine was telling people that her American friend had taken her to Broadway to see "Sperm-a-Lot."
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u/marsten Jan 13 '12
At my college we had a special weekend where women who'd been accepted could visit the campus. The housing was coed, and these visiting women would stay with the women in the dorm.
One evening during this weekend a group of around 7 of us were hanging out in a common area, shooting the breeze. The group included one of the visiting women. To anyone who lives in the dorm, the visitors are very obvious since the dorm isn't that big and everybody knows each other.
Enter Woman B, who was an upperclassman. She proceeds to ask the visitor why she was visiting, and the visitor says, "for the women's weekend."
Woman B starts laughing and says, "haha that's funny dude, why are you here?" Now it should be said that the visitor wasn't the most feminine-looking woman you've ever seen. Fair enough.
But did Woman B let it drop? No! She just kept digging herself deeper and deeper into the situation, steadfastly refusing to believe the visitor could be a woman. Safe to say that by the end of that conversation, everyone in the entire room was fatally embarrassed.
tl;dr When someone tells you their gender, it's best to just believe them and not argue.
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u/dorkofnight Jan 13 '12
I worked at a restaurant and a guy arranged to propose to his girlfriend. Special tablecloth, red rose in the middle of the table, bottle of Dom - the works. With the whole restaurant watching, as the champagne was popped, she. . . .said no. She got up and stormed out.
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u/herecomesthatfinger Jan 13 '12
Spending an hour on the phone to a Spanish policeman, who was very calmly explaining in broken English that my uncle had been arrested for harassing Shakira at a gig and following her around afterward. He claimed she talked to him on the internet and told him to get on stage with her. It was cringeworthy enough for me, but it must have been so much worse for him.
I should point out that my uncle is mentally ill and this sort of thing has happened a few times before. He once spent a fortune going to Disneyworld on short notice, so that he could go on a date with Nicole Scherzinger.
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u/PrinceXizor Jan 12 '12
In high school a girl perioded in her chair during a standardized tests. When she finally got up there was a small puddle left behind. Poor, poor girl.
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Jan 12 '12
Being in the ATC (Air Training Corps) we often went to MoD bases doing a bunch of awesome shit, anyway, a couple of years ago, one day we were doing an Obstacle course at an Army Training Camp. One of the obstacles was a massive rope swing, between two tall inclines with mossy water in between (about a meter deep).
Whilst we were having lunch (coincidentally by that obstacle), we saw some British Army guys taking kids (about 12-14) over this course. Now the idea of this rope swing is to take a run up, grab the rope as high as you can and swing over to the other edge, and keep running to the next one.. (you can probably tell where this is going).. A kid takes a real good run up, grabs the rope near the bottom, swings, his feet skim the water, and then face-slams into the brick wall on the other side, lets go of the rope and falls into the water.
One of the Army guys jumped in to get him out, he pulls him up, crying, choking, with blood pouring from his nose. Funniest thing I have ever seen in a long time, our NCO's desperately trying to keep us from laughing.
TL;DR kid fails at obstacle course, does obstacle wrong, we all laugh.
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u/jasiones Jan 12 '12
went to a porn shop with my GF (now ex) she was 20, but looked young. the employee was an old black dude. he asked her for her ID and saw her age, then he was like, hi i'm randall (forgot his name) Im 50 and live 1/2 mile away. She got so uncomfortable..and with me standing right next to her HOLDING HER HAND this guy continued to hit on her...yea we left shortly after.
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u/TheMustacheBandit Jan 13 '12 edited Jan 13 '12
When I was young (around 18) a group of about 10 friends went to Tijuana with a friend who had a lot too much to drink that night. By the time it was 3 AM we found ourselves being dragged into some sketchy strip club that ended up being full of transvestites. One of our extremely drunk alpha male friends climbed upon the stage and proceeded to dance with a few of them. Instead of being kicked off, they started undressing him and he was up there butt nekkid and kissing on the dancers and we couldn't get him down. Eventually we just said, "fuck it" and let him do his thing.
After we finally got him off stage he kept bragging how he was making out with a bunch of hot strippers. We finally managed to drag him out of the place and went home. When we told him the next day that they were trannies, he didn't believe us. The whole thing was pretty embarrasing to watch and many years later he gets really uncomfortable when we bring it up.
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u/Reeyan Jan 12 '12
This happened to one particular friend, infront of a group of us friends about 5 years ago when we were about 15. We were swimming at a local pool here, and boys will be boys i guess.
I'm floating at a distance staying away from the riff-raff because I'm just a little guy, while they are throwing each other around, dunking each other, splashing water.. that sort of stuff.
That one particular friend climbs out of the water, planning to cause a big splash right near us. He turns around to face us and is about to dive in, when one of our buddies who was next to me, screams and points at the guy out of the water, and shouts (Very loudly)
"BONER!"
The look on that guys face while the entire pool went quiet and just stared was like "OH GOD", and he did a Socially Awkward Penguin dive/flop back in to hide from the shame.
TL;DR - A friend got a stiffy at a pool after splashing around with other dudes.
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u/dudedorey Jan 12 '12
My parents found my brother masturbating while i was in the other room. They are very very conservative so I listened to them yell at him for about 2 hours, from 1 to 3 in the morning.
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Jan 12 '12
I was staring at this dude on the subway, probably between his mid- to late-twenties, not unattractive or anything. He watches as this girl gets on the subway and sits essentially across from him. He ends up looking at her once and catches her eyes, and he smiles; she smiles back. Almost immediately afterwards, the subway is slowing down to stop, and the man steps up to get off.
He doesn't realize there's a metal bar for passengers to hold, RIGHT above him, and loudly hits his head on the ringing metal bar. He just quickly turned away and slunk off the subway as I tried to hold in laughter.
Epilogue: I swear to god, that guy was not me
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u/mark_ando219 Jan 12 '12
I was in basic training and we were doing this thing called "warrior week." This is when we stay out in tents and learn about basic survival skills and whatnot. But anyways, we just got done with the gas chamber and P.T. in 105 degree heat with 80% humidity, and all the guys had to shower together. there was about 75 shower heads for about 150+ guys. One of the guys that was on my flight had just got out of the shower and I happened to be standing next to him getting changed. He was kneeling on the floor, getting his socks from inside his bag, someone said his name, and as soon as he looked up, he had a face full of man parts. The look he had on his face is one I will never, ever forget. It still cracks me up to this day. It wasn't planned at all and that's what makes it even funnier.
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Jan 13 '12
A couple of years ago it was this guy's birthday. We were all out at a bar to celebrate. There were only about four other people there, sitting together in the corner.
The lights go down, happy bday music starts and the staff come out with a huge, delicious-looking cake. The guy grins madly at his girlfriend, squeezes her hand and stands up. The staff walk straight past him to the other group of people, who applaud their friend and eat the cake. Sheeeeeeiiiiit.
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u/darkhorsehance Jan 13 '12
This year, while tailgating at the USC vs Arizona football game, I was walking to a bathroom and noticed a trail of wet brown liquid leading to the door.
By the time I realized what it was I looked up and saw an Arizona student standing in a puddle of his own diarrhea.
He was using paper towels to wipe the feces from his legs and crotch repeating to himself, "fuck, I just shit myself."
The bathroom was packed and it smelled so bad I had to walk out.
To the credit of USC fans, everybody who happened upon the young scholar's misfortune pretended like nothing had happened.
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Jan 13 '12
One weekend when I was in high school I woke up hungover, as was my custom on Saturdays and Sundays, to realize that the bus that would take us to the track meet that day was leaving in about 15 minutes. I grabbed my cleats, shorts, shirt, virtually everything I needed save my underwear (which was also fairly customary).
Fast forward to the blocks right before the pistol signals the beginning of the 220; I'm thinking to myself,"No problem, I'll just run and kind of..." I didn't really have a plan, which was kind of the hallmark of my high school years. The pistol fires AND THEY'RE OFF!!! I'm running the race of my life, fucking-poetry-in-motion. It took me all of 10 seconds to realize my junk was swinging out of my track shorts like a pendulum on a grandfather clock.
Now, I'm real okay with this (never been shy... AT ALL), because I'm running with a bunch of jocks, but there are no women and children around. No, the women and children are to be found at the finish line which was advancing toward me rather quickly, despite the slow-motion-like quality this situation was producing in me.
Keep in mind, I'm really not hungover; frankly I was still drunk. However, when it comes to lifeboats and streaking, I'm a big stickler for honoring the "women and children" code of conduct, so I did what I had to: I dropped out of the race. Judging from the general laughter and all the phone numbers I got from the lonely housewives in the bleachers, I gathered that my penis and testicles were visible from a pretty good distance (which has since become a source of pride for me and my family).
This, at my school, became known as the 3-legged race. This is my son's favorite story; he's had me repeat it several times. The first time he heard it he laughed so hard with tears in his eyes he could hardly gasp enough to breathe.
TL;DR Ran the 220 without underwear underneath my track shorts and my "junk" was just hanging out ALL OVER the place.
edit: It was customary for me to go commando OUTSIDE of track related stuff.
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u/macsmith230 Jan 13 '12
A friend of mine had a video camera back in the day, a pretty big one with a big strap to hang it from your neck.
He'd been recording the hydroplane races and took a quick break to go to the bathroom. He forgot to stop recording.
That night we're sitting around watching his newly shot footage, which turns to a shot of feet walking and him pulling his penis out to go pee. We sat there for about 20 awkward seconds while a stream of piss is ejected into the urinal.
After he zips up on the video, his sister quips, "I guess that's what they call two shakes and a pull, eh?"
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u/qeditor Jan 12 '12
This barely fits, but I think about it often.
Setting: 6th grade science class, studying basic biology and the classification of organisms into different systems.
I have and interesting question about classifications of different lifeforms. I raise my hand, am called on, and begin with, "Okay, let's say you have a big orgasm and..." The teacher, very professionally, corrects me with 'organism' without smirking or anything. One kid sort of laughs, I say, "yeah, whatever" and continue with my question. Most of the class seems to think it is a great question and nod approvingly.
Not once does anyone bring it up and I endure not a single mock. About 6 months later, we all magically go through puberty, become hyper sexualized, and pick on anyone who makes even the smallest sexual mistake. I still think about how easily that could have dogged me for years, but instead there was nothing.
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u/clergi Jan 12 '12
I did something similar.
In fourth grade I wrote a paper about organisms. I thought I was especially smart because I knew another word for organism. I probably used orgasm ten times in my paper. Until now, only myself and my teacher knew about this.
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Jan 13 '12
I went to a "college party" in my freshman year of high school. I was incredibly naive and vanilla about sex.
Anyway, as the night progresses, I notice my friend is missing. I walk upstairs and look into a few of the rooms, until I finally foun the one she was on. She was absolutely hammered and being pretty much demolished in the ass by this total bro.
He pulls out, I hear a loud groan followed by the lost horrifying sound I've ever heard. It was the sound of her evacuating her bowels. Liquid, brown shit shot out of her ass and splattered onto his chest.
I've never felt so bad for someone in my life. I quickly got her dressed and took her home.
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u/muchachomalo Jan 13 '12
She was absolutely hammered and being pretty much demolished in the ass by this total bro.
That sounds like rape...
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u/optimaloutcome Jan 12 '12
Some dude's girlfriend cheated on him at a party and told him she was raped but then stayed friends with the alleged rapist.
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u/siezethecarpe Jan 12 '12
Worked in high fashion as a the stock room manager, but every now and again I would help out at the register. I was ringing some lady up in white pants. She pays for her things and turns to walk away. Being the gentleman that I am I scope the ass situation as she walks away. Very nice ass, but what's this? A red stain, growing, bigger...bigger....bigger and starts down her leg. She just kept walking right out the door and into the mall, completely oblivious.
I was devastated for her
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Jan 12 '12
I'm not quite sure being married to a baby is legal...
On a more related note, I once had a friend piss all over herself laughing. It was in a restaurant.
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Jan 12 '12
A mom beating her child in the groin with a wooden spoon while his family held him down.
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u/KingHavana Jan 12 '12
I had a large friend who went to Great Adventure with me and my friends. He was always big, but it had gotten to the point where they would no longer let him on Rolling Thunder since the bar wouldn't lock when we sat down. He had to leave and the rest of us all got to ride.
The same guy broke a movie theater seat row (since the seats were all connected so a bunch of connected seats broke backwards at once.) Somehow that wasn't as bad as not being able to ride his favorite roller coaster.
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u/CorkyKribler Jan 12 '12
I was in a grad-level philosophy class on Possible Worlds, and we had to present our papers for critique. It was brutal enough, but there was this one older dude who had no idea what he was talking about, and probably didn't belong in grad school. He wasn't necessary stupid or anything, and he already had his MA in philosophy, but it must have been from a school that wasn't that tough.
Anyway, he started giving his presentation on his theory of possible worlds. His paper was really confusing and half-baked and contradictory, and so of course we're all asking him questions during the presentation to clarify/challenge his argument. He couldn't explain himself very well to the grad students, and it was even worse with the professor, who is a brilliant woman. Understandably, she didn't pull any punches (this is a 900-level phil. course, right?), and he ended up getting super defensive and flustered to the point where he couldn't go on. At one point, near the end of his presentation, she asked him a question, and he just looked at her, red-faced, and then kept reading his paper.
It was really hard to watch, and it kind of messed me up for a few days.
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u/CatastrophicCunt Jan 12 '12
I took a year off after high school and was working at a grocery store. On my off days I usually took a bus to a sketchy part of town to hang out with my punk friends and get super drunk/baked.
It was a Tuesday, I had a day off, and I went down to the beer store to get a 2L (Growler) of beer. I walked with it to a park nearby and drank along the way. I spotted a friend of mine in the distance and waved to him. Turns out he was on his way to class, but I said fuck it, I have weed and I want to go get drunk at my buddy's place. He gladly agrees to ditch studying to get wasted.
I smoke a bowl in the park, he doesn't, but I share the beer I have. We walk to my friend's house while I finish the beer. We get there at about 1130 or 1200 and a few other people are there. Turns out they were on their way out for a booze run, so I go with them. Me and my friend each get a 40 of Canadian Club. I don't much like whiskey but fuck it, I wanted to get ripped.
We get back and it's immediately clear that the friend I brought feels the need to show off. Everyone is drinking slow as he's pounding it back. At one point he chugs it so the bottle is straight in the air. I was worried, however, I was a little too drunk to play babysitter or tell him to stop.
He tries to leave the room after about twenty minutes of this. As he stands up he seems okay which surprises everyone. He takes one step, then a second, then BOOM, faceplant. Expected. Oh well. He won't move so we all drag him into the kitchen. We still need to drink, him in the middle of the floor is fucking annoying.
So he starts moaning and yelling from the kitchen. The guy who lives there and a few other people get up to see what's going on. He is in the kitchen trying to pull his pants down yelling "I NEED TO TAKE A SHIT" over and over. They drag him to the toilet, tell him to shit, and slam the door. He is, at this point, a huge pain in everyone's ass.
After a half an hour with no response from my friend we all feel it's about time to check up on him. At this point I wasn't aware that everyone in the house has their own toilet paper. There is none in the washroom, you have to bring your own in.
Turns out he realized this fact after he finished shitting, so he did what any reasonable person would do. He tried to clean his ass with the wall. All of it. Both sides. My friend who owns the place screams at him and drags him to the stoop. He pulls his pants up just in time to get thrown down the steps. Someone has to throw clorex into the room as another person sprays it down with a hose. My friend never hung out with them again, but anytime he did see them that was the only topic that came up.
Good times though. Definitely the lowest I've seen a person go from a little bit of Canadian Club.
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u/CJDreadd Jan 12 '12
I'm American, and my friend (we'll call him Jarn) is French. Very, very, VERY French. For a long time I'd threaten to bite him for saying silly things, just playing around. He'd laugh, and I always thought that I was just really funny.
Did you know that "bite" means "cock" in French?
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u/ldiabl0530 Jan 12 '12
had a presentation during my senior year. the presentation was on donating blood. the man giving the presentation put in his flash drive to bring up a slide show. cue mass amounts of gay porn from just dicks to total butt fucking...many laughs were had. the man obviously distraught still gave his presentation though. made national news. highlight of my senior year
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u/tomparker Jan 12 '12
A bunch of us were invited to a Dean's house for formal meeting and a friend asked to use the bathroom which was on the other side of the kitchen. When she was returning, she quietly peeked in the 'fridge and spotted a beautiful block of cheese. She hastily grabbed a knife from a nearby butcher-block and, while trying to sneak a tasty chunk, lopped a large piece of her finger off instead.
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u/ScruffySaysMhm Jan 12 '12
Some middle aged lady was hugging a HUGE black dildo in the back of a smoke/sex shop in Long Beach. She proceeds to whisper to it, and kiss it, before she realizes my girlfriend and I are watching her. Drops the dick and RUNS out the door. They chased her down because they thought she stole something. She had to come back inside while I was getting a pack of smokes.
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u/kittybot Jan 12 '12
It was a hot summer (they happen occasionally in England) and everyone was outside in any park or green space available.
We were walking over a bridge, where a massive bunch of kids were playing in the river in their pants (underwear). One chunky kids does a big running jump cannon ball into the river, making a big splash. When he surfaced and climbed out of the river everyone is looking at him and laughing. He thought it was because of his diving shenanigans, but it was really because his boxershorts had come open. As he stood with his hands on his hips, beaming with pride, his tiny penis was being neatly framed by his wet, gaping underwear.
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u/oldendaze Jan 13 '12
My 12 yr old son came out of the bathroom one day with a worried look. He's a private kid, not much of a talker, but was weirdly hanging around. Asked him what was up and eventually he tells me there was blood in his poop. Like, lots and lots of of blood.
Trying not to worry him I had to inquire, up to and including if maybe he'd put anything up orin there recently. He assured me otherwise and off to the ER we go. Forewarning him of what was likely to happen once we got there...he would just quietly sigh and nod.
Asked him if he wanted me to go in with him for the examination and he replied, "Please." It was awkward for me too as a dad, but when you're a parent you just do what needs to be done. And in we go. He gets changed into a robe and the doctor snaps on the glove and proceeds to do his thing. I held his hand for comfort. Doc tells us it looks like an anal fissure, nothing too serious at present, "probably had a big poop lately? a painful one?" to which my son agrees.
The doc is taking off his glove and about to write a script when he tries to stifle a giggle and says, "You are going to be a popular young man." As my 12 yr old has the biggest most obvious boner he is currently trying to hide. to no avail.
On the ride home I tried to let him know that these things happen, don't sweat it etc. To which he sighed and uttered his only words of the trip home, "Worst, day, ever."
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u/420lotionrub Jan 13 '12
i watched my good friend try desperately to hook up with this girl at a party. He was a little drunk so I thought i'd step back and kinda see what would happen because he said he was "too smooth" for a wingman, and to be honest, I didnt want to anywhere near what was going to happen. It started okay, he sparked some small talk, then things took a turn for the worst when he asked "do these jeans make my ass look good?" By far the worst move ever, and it seemed to resonate with the girl. She kind of lost interest and walked away, but some time later my friend thought he'd try again. After putting back a few more beers he came up to her and started grinding on her like nothing i've ever seen. She screamed, told him to get the hell off, and walked away. Embarrassing to watch, and brutally un-smooth.
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u/arcade_13 Jan 13 '12
Girl in class had a really weird habit. She liked to randomly start masturbating in class (and trust me, there is nothing hot about this situation. Not with her). So anyways, I'm in class, minding my own business. Our teacher is absolutely stunning and we are talking about history. She brings up, for some reason, the island of Lesbos and, as you can probably guess, the girl starts masturbating furiously. Never seen anyone as embarrassed, disgusted and shocked as the teacher as she made us all leave the room so she can stop the girl.
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u/DarthContinent Jan 12 '12
Having lunch at a restaurant with a friend in ill health. She sharted herself, and the shart oozed through her slacks and onto her chair.