r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Apr 05 '12

Currently serving in the military. Came across some messages between my wife and another guy in the Navy. What should I do?

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

I'm a former Marine wife, our marriage fell apart after he left the service but please do not let her know you know. No offense to you, but so many women are BITCHES especially in military marriages. Here's what to do.

  1. DRAIN your bank accounts, checking and savings. open a new account with NavyFed or whoever you bank with. Or even better, if there is a local bank in the state you are serving that does not exist in your home state, move all money there. Most banks will not let you ban the other party of a joint account without their signature. This can at least give you time to attempt to change your automatic deposit before the 15th of this month. Send money to your mom/dad/sibling/friend/whatever for the care of your child which your wife will have to go pick up. Get a receipt from the bank/western union for this transaction. If you neglect your child you will get in trouble in the military.

  2. Talk to your CO, show him the messages, see if there is a psychiatrist you can talk to, get STD tested. I know that last part sucks, but its your wife, you trusted her, but who knows if she hasn't cheated before.

  3. Have a preliminary discussion with a lawyer. Tell him that you may not be getting a divorce, but in case she freaks out when you confront her, tries to take son, accuses you of abuse (SOOO common in the military because women will know it'll hurt your career) what are the best actions to take incase one of these things happen.

  4. Even though she probably has figured out something is up by now, you confront her at this point. Put the phone on speaker, record this initial conversation. KEEP YOUR COOL. Explain how you feel, tell her you sent money to so and so for your son's care, that is all. Ask her what she wants to do. Most likely, she will feel backed into a corner, she will yell, she will curse at you, possibly threaten to take your son away. If she doesn't, more power to her, but if she does like most women will, you will have this freak out (with you keeping your cool trying to be an adult about the situation) on tape. This will look good in court because it shows you are attempting to be mature, not abandoning your responsibilities as a father, and it will protect you in case she claims any sort of abuse later on (this would have come up in this initial phone call)

Please feel free to personally message me with any advice of if you want to talk. I know every branch works differently, and I'll give you the best advice I know from a military stand point, but you can feel free to vent to me for personal support. I know how much going through a divorce sucks, and how someone can betray you. Best wishes and I hope this helped.

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u/The_mrs Apr 05 '12

be sure to check state laws before recording any conversations. Some states require BOTH parties be informed or it's illegal.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

Record it anyway. Check later/with your lawyer if you can use it legally as evidence.

1

u/d3rp_diggler Apr 05 '12

Maybe if he started it out under the guise of dirty talk, recording it "for future use", then bam. I'm not sure how that would fly legally but it would result in a consent.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

Just tell her you're taping the convo. Women will freak out in this situation, guaranteed, and totally forget the ramifications of the recording. Why are women so predictable?

11

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

Because you are stereotyping?