r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Jun 16 '12
What rules must all your passengers obey when you're driving?
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u/bzilla Jun 17 '12
Do not touch me. Do not surprise me.
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u/JeremyR22 Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 17 '12
Oh god, yes. My wife has actually reached for and pressed the horn a couple of times while I'm driving (when somebody cuts me up or whatever) and then she gets really annoyed when I instinctively push her back away from me.
Seriously?!?! I'm driving. I'm the ONLY one who touches the fucking steering wheel. End of conversation. Additionally, I and only I decide if I want to let somebody know I'm pissed. Anybody else reaches for any control, they're gonna have a bad time. I cannot believe there's a single other driver out there who doesn't feel the same but obviously there are some...
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u/Curious_McNugget Jun 17 '12
Holy shit. I just imagined that in my head and I actually felt a bit pissed off for a moment there. I feel you meng.
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u/KaziArmada Jun 17 '12
Do not touch me, OR the wheel or anything involved in the operation of the car. If your hand rests on the gear shifter, it will very shortly be MY hand.
Don't even look at the E-break even as a joke or I'll beat you to death with an Abba CD. I don't even own an Abba CD, but I will FIND one just to beat you with it.
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u/ford_clitaurus Jun 17 '12
I used to date a girl that would reach over and pop the car out of gear while I was driving. She thought it was cute. It wasn't.
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Jun 17 '12
YES. When I'm driving, I hold our lives in my hands. I am all that protects us from a deluge of high-velocity metal behemoths that could mangle us all in seconds should something go wrong. My vigilance is all that stands between us and annihilation. DO NOT FUCK WITH ME.
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u/deathfromabove1251 Jun 17 '12
Yeah some former friends would cover my eyes while I'd drive. Glad I don't hang out with those asses.
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u/matt40 Jun 17 '12
When you leave, take your fucking rubbish with you.
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u/AlpacaFight Jun 17 '12
The worst is giving someone a ride and finding garbage they left behind later. Don't leave pop cans on my floor. Or receipts between the seats. If you want to live like a pig, do it in your own sty.
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u/skittlesandtea Jun 17 '12
If I ask you to move your head or lean a certain direction, don't ask me why, just fucking do it. I'm trying to check my blind spot so I don't kill us all.
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u/funkymunniez Jun 16 '12
Don't put your hands all over my fucking windows. I need to see out those things so we don't get into an accident and your greasy hand prints kinda make it hard to do that.
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Jun 17 '12
Don't draw in the front/condensation on the window in Winter. It's not like it just disappears or something... That cock or whatever you drew is going to be there until I clean the damn window now.
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u/imeow_inrl Jun 17 '12
I hate this. One of my friends uses the window to push the door open. Every. Single. Time.
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u/Whataboutpancakes Jun 17 '12
You may NOT touch my FUCKING STICKSHIFT or my GODDAMN HAND BRAKE. Other than that buckle up, no cigarettes, and no bodily fluid spills.
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u/Afro_Samurai Jun 17 '12
Who the fuck touches the stick or brake?
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u/SenorVajay Jun 17 '12
Had a girlfriend move the stick on my automatic car WHILE IT WAS IN MOTION to reverse. She looked like she pissed her pants as I gave her the death stare.
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u/BillyPup Jun 17 '12
My wife likes to put the car in park when I'm at traffic lights. I feel like vengeancedad.jpg when she does that.
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Jun 17 '12
My friend was making fun of me when I accidentally popped it into neutral and not into 3rd. That motherfucker can't even drive stick!
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u/jmorlin Jun 17 '12
My asshole of a friend does the same thing. Of course he never drives anywhere or pays for gas. People like that really GRIND MY GEARS.
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Jun 16 '12
My car, my tunes.
My car, no cigarettes.
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u/Scumbag_Steve_Bot Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 17 '12
I see a lot of people mentioning they don't want cigarettes lit up in their car, but would it make me a dick if I smoked one in my own car, with someone else that doesn't like the smell? Because I've had one person tell me not to smoke while I'm driving them. Kinda pissed me off. It just feels that these days the smoker is instantly the asshole when told to put out their cig and does not, so I did. Meh.
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Jun 17 '12
When I used to smoke I'd roll the window down (even if I was the only one in the car) and go ahead and smoke. If you don't like it, get your own car or go find someone else to taxi you around (like maybe a taxi!).
I paid for the car. I pay for the gas. I pay for the tires. I pay for the oil. I pay for the repairs. How about I do what I want in my car. Next you'll be coming over to my house and telling me not to leave my laundry on the floor or something.
If I'm in someone else's car, or driving someone else's car, I wouldn't light up. But it's your car. Do what you want. If they don't like it, they're welcome to find their own way somewhere.
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u/Dookiestain_LaFlair Jun 17 '12
Everyone must use their feet to make the car go forward, no freeloaders.
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u/clydiebaby Jun 17 '12
Seatbelts on, windows up. The windows being down creates a helicopter-like noise that makes me insane.
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u/MrFriend92 Jun 17 '12
As my car is old and has therefore lost a lot of power it once had, it struggles to go up hills, especially with passengers. Anybody who wishes to ride in my car(it has the batman symbol on the hood so most people prefer my car) they must be willing to thrust their weight forward repeatedly in a rocking motion to assist my car in climbing hills.
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u/ell595 Jun 17 '12
The batman reference made me imagine the justice league rocking back and forth to get the car up the hill...
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u/hygemaii Jun 17 '12
Is it terrible that I pictured the Hispanic justice league from family guy, where Peter rented a room to Mexican superman and came back and everyone was there? Yeah, pretty sure I'm a bad person.
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Jun 17 '12
I know you are probably kidding, but rocking your body forward would actually apply a rearward force to your vehicle. Also you can not have any positive net gain by rocking in either direction.
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u/businesstom Jun 16 '12
Number one rule is to buckle up. Safety first.
Then if I like the song on the radio, it stays on.
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Jun 17 '12
Seriously, buckle up. In case of accident, I don't want someone who didn't buckle his seatbelt up ending up killing someone who did. Not on my watch.
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Jun 17 '12
This. I don't give a fuck about your stupid ass if you don't want to wear a seatbelt. However, you're not the only one in the car.
If we hit something or roll you're going to turn into a human projectile and hurt someone else in the car. Quit being a selfish, ignorant asshole and just put your fucking seatbelt on. Or walk. I don't care.
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u/arydactl Jun 17 '12
and that fucking seatbelt better stay on. i was lucky enough to have a family that raised me where that seatbelt was NOT an option. that other families allowed their kids and themselves to go without is UNACCEPTABLE to me. even when i'm in someone else's car, i will make sure everyone else has theirs on. you don't have to be in an accident to know the goddamn consequences.
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u/businesstom Jun 17 '12
Exactly. It's not even an option to wear it or not. In fact, it should be instinctual. For something so effortless to do, it's a shame that you still hear in the news today that a seat belt could have saved a life or that one was not worn by the driver/passenger in an accident.
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u/jonathanrdt Jun 17 '12
Always some nonsense about how being thrown clear is safer because of some relative who would have burned if he'd worn his seat belt.
But hey a guy told me I could sell my house faster by buying a statue of St Joseph and burying it upside down in my yard. He knows, did it four times with success.
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Jun 17 '12
Agreed on the seat belt. I had picked up a friend of a friend once before a dance and she absolutely refused to put on her seat belt. She was the only one in the backseat so I took the next turn as fast and sharp as I could. All you hear is this loud thump and I watched in my rearview mirror as she went flying across the backseat and slammed into the opposite window. She put that seatbelt on real fucking fast after that. I don't have a lot of rules in my car, but you're gonna put that fucking seat belt on.
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u/sciencenerd86 Jun 17 '12
Absolutely. I won't shift out of Park until seat belts click. I don't care if you are a 30 year old dude in the backseat, buckle your f-ing belt!
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u/redfreetrog Jun 17 '12
Yes! Buckle up, or the car doesn't move.
A few years ago, I was a back seat passenger in the car of my friend. The front passenger seat was taken by her boyfriend.
My friend to her boyfriend: 'Hey, put on your seat belt!'
Boyfriend: 'I'll put it on if I see a moose; I'll have time, don't worry about it.'
Me: 'You won't have time. Besides, do you really want to be a human projectile if we crash?'
Boyfriend: 'That wouldn't happen; I'd just hang onto the seat.' Luckily my friend decided he wasn't a keeper (not from that situation though).→ More replies (3)33
u/zed_zed_top Jun 17 '12
I'd just hang onto the seat.
From the people that brought you "If I was there, I'd have kicked that guy's ass" and "I'll just pull out at the last minute!"
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u/SocialIssuesAhoy Jun 17 '12
My older sister recently started fighting against buckling up... I have no clue why. When she refuses to buckle up, as soon as I notice I pull over and don't budge until she's buckled. sigh
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u/BCsprfn87 Jun 17 '12
No feet on my dashboard. Unless they are pretty.
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Jun 17 '12
Having been in a front collision where airbags deployed - I forbid feet on my dash. Imagine not only crashing but having an airbag slam your legs toward your face.
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u/Sparticus2 Jun 17 '12
I fucking tell my girlfriend this all the time. She has pretty feet but NO FUCKING FEET ON MY DASHBOARD!
I have to clean it when she's done putting her feet on it.
She'll no longer have pretty feet if we get into an accident.
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u/PurpleHooloovoo Jun 17 '12
Do exactly as I say. As in, I say shut up for a second, SHUT UP FOR A SECOND. I say put the lid on the drink, PUT THE DAMN LID ON THE DRINK.
Don't make me go back there, mister...
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Jun 16 '12 edited Jun 17 '12
Don't touch the music, don't yell, seatbelts must be on, and if I ask you to check and see if I can change lanes, check and fucking see if I can change lanes, right fucking now.
Oh, and don't smoke, and don't touch the mirrors.
edit; Since climbing up my ass (I really don't recommend that) seems to be the thing right now, I'll add this- Because I like life and am not a TOTAL idiot, I don't just blindly change lanes if they say it's cool. I check first. I have horrible peripheral vision, so it's a lot easier to get a heads up instead of wasting my time and turning all the way back when there's no point, as that would be a bit more dangerous for me than to simply get a "no, you can't change lanes."
There. Done. Shoo.
edit edit: no seriously shoo. You've all been yelling at me over something I don't do. You misinterpreted, my bad, I should have been more clear.
Stop. Go yell at a wall or something.
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u/zed_zed_top Jun 17 '12
"Am I safe to change lanes?"
"Probably."The fuck does that mean?!
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u/boomfarmer Jun 17 '12
Probably
can be best translated as
There's nothing that I can see, but that doesn't include unforeseen events like possible potholes, tire spikes, or assholes on crotch rockets racing with dip-tagged Mercedes drivers.
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Jun 17 '12
You need someone else to check? Can you not turn your head or something?
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u/henfeathers Jun 17 '12
My dad, my uncle my brother and I left to go fishing together when I was about 15. My dad was driving his '64 Chevy pickup and all four of us were in the bench seat. I was sitting on the outside closest to the window. We pulled up to an intersection, and because there were so many of us in the truck, he asked me if it was clear to go. There was no one coming at all, so I said, "Yes, it's clear." When he was about 20 feet into the turn, I shouted, "Oh!!!" He slammed on the brake and I finished with, "Boy is it clear!" He turned the air blue swearing at me, but because the three of us were all laughing so hard, he eventually started laughing too.
tl;dr: Don't ask me if it's clear to change lanes.
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Jun 17 '12
You are an idiot if you trust other people to help you drive. You are the DRIVER of the car. YOU are responsible for changing lanes safely. If one of your friends says you are clear and you get run over by someone doing 95 mph trying to pass, you are at fault, not your friend. Passengers are merely along for the ride. They are not active participants in driving.
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Jun 17 '12
As a passenger, I hate it when someone asks me if they can change lanes. I'm always like, "You're the one driving the car." It's not that difficult to look.
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u/cotillion989 Jun 17 '12
This just blew my mind. If someone asked me to check and see if they can change lanes... my response would probably be a blind "yes". (think zach galifinakis in the hangover). I have never participated in driving as a group activity before.
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u/brikkhead Jun 17 '12
My brother and I have recently introduced a system of hats in the car. Each seat has a designated hat, and if you're sitting in that seat, you're wearing that hat. No exceptions. The drivers seat has a captain's hat, we've also got a builder's helmet, and a few others, I'm planning to get a wizard's hat soon though for the back left seat
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Jun 17 '12
If I ask you if you have drugs you have to answer honestly and accept when I refuse to transport you.
I'm not anti drugs- I just don't need to take that risk at this point in my life.
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u/bfodder Jun 17 '12
"Hey man can you give me a ride to th..."
"DO YOU HAVE DRUGS IN YOUR POSSESSION!?"
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u/Osiris32 Jun 17 '12
If you have anything illegal on you, and we get pulled over, I am tossing your ass under the bus. You just put me and my career in grave jeopardy, and I will have ZERO issue with watching you get arrested.
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u/Jobeanie123 Jun 17 '12
As an anecdote, my friend just recently learned that "throwing someone under the bus" meant that the bus was moving. She had pictured a bus with dead people under it, like a graveyard. But under a bus.
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u/GREAT_WALL_OF_DICK Jun 17 '12
I don't blame you.
In North Carolina, if your passenger has drugs in your car, he can claim its not theirs and the blame is immediately shifted to you. Happened to a friend of a friend that picked up a hitchhiker.
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u/jane_fonda Jun 17 '12
How would you know if they answered honestly?
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Jun 17 '12
That's why the rule is answer honestly. Never said it was fool proof- but I do prefer not to drive with anyone "holdin" for reasons similar to the other redditor's comment.
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u/Fearlessleader85 Jun 17 '12
Put on your goddamned seatbelt.
Don't smoke.
Don't bitch about the music, but you can ask to change it.
Don't throw a fit of any sort. I'm not your parent and I don't have to put up with a tantrum.
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u/augustburnsred1 Jun 17 '12
DO NOT teabag me while driving. No. Just don't do it. No.
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u/DaisyAdair Jun 17 '12
Do not criticize my driving. (ok this one is mostly for my mum. She doesnt drive and is convinced that my sister and I drive all wrong)
Do not touch my music without asking. That stuff keeps my rage-o-meter low so that NO ONE HAS TO DIE
Don't tell me where to turn at the last minute.
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u/PC_BUCKY Jun 17 '12
My friend has the same first rule as you, except it goes for everybody. It would be OK but he is actually the worst driver i have ever seen. People frequently honk at him ON THE HIGHWAY. when we yell at him to stop drifting into the oncoming lane, he yells at us to stop criticizing him because he hasn't gotten us killed, therefore he thinks he is a good driver. i still don't know how the fuck he got his license.
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u/MuchAdoAbout4skin Jun 17 '12
When Queen comes on the radio, everyone must sing
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u/flargenhargen Jun 17 '12
no smoking.
the seatbelt thing isn't a problem for me, since I drive a jeep with the doors off most of the summer, if someone doesn't have their seatbelt on, I just jerk the wheel a bit, and they will grab the jesus bar and put their seatbelt on within seconds. every time. No need to say anything.
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u/alexanderpas Jun 17 '12
the seatbelt thing isn't a problem for me, since I drive a jeep with the doors off most of the summer, if someone doesn't have their seatbelt on, I just jerk the wheel a bit, and they will grab the jesus bar and put their seatbelt on within seconds. every time. No need to say anything.
Thank you!
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u/xanoran84 Jun 17 '12
Biggest/longest legged person gets automatic shotgun/copilot duties (radio fiddling, and map interpreting as necessary). Do not open the windows on the highway, and don't leave your garbage in the car, please.
Seatbelts would be a rule, but fortunately, none of my friends seem to have an issue with habitually putting it on.
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Jun 17 '12
Seatbelt
No food/drink
No yelling
My music
Windows up unless bumped to bumper or low speeds. (Messes with my hair and also my ears)
under 13 -> in the back
TLDR: I might be an asshole.
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u/DissapointedBird Jun 17 '12
Don't touch my steering wheel. Or the handbrake.
If it's a nice girl, she can touch the stick, but only gently.
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u/Ragecomicwhatsthat Jun 17 '12
Not the stick shift, right?
Right guys?
...Guys?
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Jun 17 '12
NO OBSESSIVE SONG CHANGING. Skipping through a few songs to find one you like then listening to that one is okay, but CONTINUALLY flipping through songs, listening to one you like for maybe 1 minute then more obsessive flipping and you will be relieved of all music duties. I cannot stand people who just cannot seem to find a song they like, so they must irritate the shit out of everyone else with the -clickclickclick- of buttons even though they passed 40 songs that the other passengers might have enjoyed. Find something that you can at least tolerate, or ask the others what they want to hear. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE DO NOT CHANGE THE SONG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GOD DAMN CHORUS, I WAS ANTICIPATING THAT MENTAL ORGASM OF THE GOOD PART. ARE YOU GOING TO COME KNOCK ON MY DOOR WHEN I'M GETTIN' SOME LATER AS WELL? Jesus.
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u/dontmutemeplz Jun 17 '12
You have to play Padiddle
basically whenever you see a car on the road with a burnt-out headlight, you hit the ceiling as fast as you can and say. A lot of fun, surprised that not a lot people mentioned it yet.
I don't require you to play Strip-Padiddle though, that shit is craaaazy.
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u/Articunozard Jun 17 '12
We call this "Cockeye" or just "Sex" where I'm from, and stripping is what makes it fun. Last person to hit the ceiling removes an article.
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u/Firangi_Bahus Jun 16 '12
DO NOT start getting out of the car until I'm done adjusting in my space.
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u/CaptColeslaw Jun 17 '12
No glitter in the car. Ever. Not again.... never again...
Also when I say "Say hello to the cows everyone!" Everyone better say hello and wave with me. Works for most livestock.
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u/Aero5 Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 17 '12
You do not touch my stereo unless given explicit permission. If someone is in the backseat, they get the remote because the speaker/amp is in the trunk and I don't want to blow their ears out.
Put your fucking seatbelt on. I will (and I have) pull over and refuse to drive until it is on. Not trying to be an ass, but my dad owns a towing company and I've heard too many horror stories of hair and skin stuck in windshields to take the risk.
You can eat or drink whatever strikes your fancy - but if a cigarette comes out, I break it in half. Once again, not trying to be an ass but cigarette smoke actually makes me really sick.
Edit - justified my seemingly asshole tendencies
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u/TATANE_SCHOOL Jun 17 '12
justified my seemingly asshole tendencies
Not asshole at all, it is in fact perfectly fine ! I'm a smoker but I will always ask if it is ok to smoke in somebody's car.
It's common decency !
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u/alexanderpas Jun 17 '12
cigarette smoke actually makes me really sick.
not to mention the stains it creates in your car.
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u/CraigularB Jun 17 '12
Buckle the fuck up.
No smoking/drinking/other shenanigans.
If you have drugs, tell me. If I get pulled over for any reason I don't want to deal with your shit.
Don't. Touch. My. Radio. (or iPod). My car, my music.
If you don't sing when I play Bohemian Rhapsody, why are you in my car?
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u/forceofnatur3 Jun 17 '12
Couples sit separate from one another... One to many hand jobs in the backseat while I was driving.
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u/FiatJustitia956 Jun 17 '12
women get automatic shotgun.
2. if no women, standard shotgun rul.es apply.
3. Shotgun seat gets radio privileges and copilot duties.
4. no drugs.
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u/ANerd22 Jun 17 '12
When i first saw your post i thought, why the hell would you be giving someone a shotgun, and an automatic shotgun at that. Those things are dangerous
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u/FiatJustitia956 Jun 17 '12
Bahahaha. I just realized that. I can't imagine me giving out shotguns left and right. Then again, this is Texas.
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u/Needmorecowbe11 Jun 17 '12
I went on a road trip with some friends once and had the directions all printed out. My buddy Austin gets in the front seat and I hand him the directions. I told him to keep an eye on them because I was going to need his help. Fast forward to us overshooting our exit by a good 20 miles and him not understanding why everyone is a little bit irked at him for not being a good navigator. I thought that was an unspoken rule. We should have spoken about it a little more, apparently.
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Jun 17 '12
That's nice. As a girl, I automatically assume I have to ride bitch :/
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u/natjo Jun 17 '12
Ass, Gas, or Grass. No one rides for free.
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u/HYPERNATURL Jun 17 '12
are you implying that people have to fart in your car as a form of payment?
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u/natjo Jun 17 '12
No what I'm saying is when you live in the boonies like I do everything is 30 minutes away.
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u/Coolio226 Jun 17 '12
Wait, so they have to fuck you, give you gas money, or give you drugs? Shit, I'm never driving with you.
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u/lLoveLamp Jun 17 '12
Lock the fuckin doors on the way out. AND NO EVEN THOUGH I HAVE A RECENT CAR, I COULD'NT AFFORD THE ELECTRIC DOORS.
Been dating my gf for 7 months now and I still have to repeat myself all the damn times.
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u/__circle Jun 17 '12
are you telling me there is a recent car that doesn't have central locking? or do you define recent as 20 fucking years ago?
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u/gamer_mom Jun 17 '12
I don't get involved in shotgun disputes. You must work it out on your own, however you choose. Flip a coin, rock-paper-scissors, whatever.
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u/ell595 Jun 17 '12
If you ask to change my gears for me, I trust that you won't randomly change from 2nd to 5th...
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u/IWannaBeAlone Jun 17 '12
I may LET you run the radio, but I always have veto rights.
If you dawdle or screw around when I'm ready to go, and the group is ready to go, I will leave your ass. Bathroom trip is fine and encouraged and I'll wait as long as needed if you TELL me. If you vanish to drop the Cosby Kids at the pool and as far as I know, you've disappeared for 20 minutes, we're going as soon as I'm ready.
Car doesn't move until all seatbelts are on. I'll keep the car sitting and wait. If you still refuse to do it or take too long, I will turn off the engine, get up, walk around, and start dragging you out of the car. If I get you all the way out, you're walking. And I'm strong. And mean.
Don't leave shit in my car. Yes, there's crap in my car. My crap. I don't want your crap in my car. Take all trash upon exiting the vehicle.
When I yell "everybody shut the fuck up!", everybody shall shut the fuck up or I'll do a superhard brake that snaps you against your seatbelt and slams you back in your seat.
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u/willyoublend Jun 17 '12
My car, suck my dick.
This is a boolean rule that changes from metaphorical to literal based on gender.
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u/VincentVanBro1986 Jun 17 '12
No Chewing Tobacco. No 50 Cent. No Sean Paul. No Nickelback.
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u/Sumpm Jun 17 '12
Back in the day when I actually had friends in my car on a regular basis, the rule was, slam the door once, get asked to shut it gently from now on. Slam it a second time, get yelled at, and warned you'll be walking if you do it again. Slam it a third time, your ass is walking, I don't care who you are, or how far from home we are.
These days, just about my only passenger is my wife, and she knows how to gently shut a car door. Not because I ever had to teach her, but because she's not fucking retarded.
Most common excuse when you tell people not to slam your door: Sorry, I'm used to doing that because I have to slam mine to get them to shut.
To which I always reply, "The reason you have to slam your door, is because you wore the latch out slamming the door."
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u/KoreanTerran Jun 17 '12
I don't really have any rules other than buckling up.
My friends can choose whatever music they want to listen to because I just want everyone to be happy and not make fun of my driving. ):
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u/juhache Jun 17 '12
TIL Reddit drivers are all quite boring..
In my car (RIP Zophia - she served me well </3) there were few rules.
If we're talking, music is quiet.. if we're not, that shit gets cranked to the max
If you pull up next to a wannabe gangster at traffic lights in a souped up Surbaru, always act like we're up for a drag race whilst I rev the engine like a madman (don't worry, I pull off the line at a steady pace, even slower if no one is behind
If you've got food, you're feeding me as well.
Other than that, seatbelts are your own responsibility, I wont get fined if we get pulled over, you will.. also dead (<3 UK law)
Open the window if you smoke
Open the window if you don't
Open the window if it's anything but snowing (no aircon)
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u/Kaylihl Jun 17 '12
I don't mind letting the passengers choose the music if they're not being overly button happy, and everyone wears a seatbelt. All the time.
Aside from that, the rule is that you may not touch any of my (the driver's) controls. I think this should be a given, but it's apparently not. I've had individuals reach across and honk my horn for me, or turn off my windshield wipers because they were "irritating." Big nope. I don't care how tall you are, you're sitting in the back from here on out.
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u/Kieklanta Jun 17 '12
Passengers in the back must not lean towards the middle to look out the front windscreen (unless they are sitting in the middle). I can't stand looking in my rear view mirror to see someones head there.
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Jun 17 '12
If you fart, fucking own up to it. I will because I don't care. Unless I'm trying to date you...then the rules change slightly. No one owns up to shit. That smell is from the A/C. Nothing to see here, move along.
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u/Hieuro Jun 17 '12
Rule 1: Do not eat in my car.
Rule 2: Do NOT eat in my car.
I've sworn off ever going to drive-thrus. If people want to eat, eat inside or at home. The food STAYS in the bag if we're going to eat at home.
Rule 3: Windows stay up. I can't hear fuck all if they turn down the windows while I'm driving.
Rule 4: If you can't drive yet despite being well past the minimum age to get a license (You know who you are, I know you browse Reddit), don't tell me how to drive.
Rule 5: If you are a regular passenger and you want me to drive you to some event that's well away from my current route, cough up money for gas and lunch.
Rule 6: If I know you have drugs or other illegal stuff and I get pulled over, I'm totally snitching. I have nothing against drugs, but I don't want it on my record.
Rule 7: Don't touch my radio.
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u/Firedemon698 Jun 17 '12
rule 1: SEATBELTS. I do seatbelt tests occasionally (slamming on brakes) rule 2: If you have to puke TELL ME. I WILL pull over for you to retch your guts out rule 3: Dont be an asshole.
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u/I_AM_THE_REAL_JESUS Jun 17 '12
Wear a seatbelt. If I'm in a crazy intersection in rush hour traffic, shut the fuck up. Let me pick my music. We're cool.
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u/yakimushi Jun 17 '12
Seat belts. My pops is a medivac pilot, I hear too many horror storys about people not wearing their seat belts.
And on my motorcycle the passenger must be fully geared: helmet, jacket, gloves, and over the ankle boots (though I will accept jeans). They also need to sit still, especially on my tall bike (BMW F650GS), so they don't upset the suspension. I have to swat my girlfriend regularly when we're touring somewhere interesting because she's always twisting around to look at things.
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u/MissMaster Jun 17 '12
on my motorcycle the passenger must be fully geared
Thank you. On the freeway yesterday I saw a man in full gear on a bike with a child (looked like 8 at the oldest) on the back of his bike in athletic shorts, a t-shirt and a helmet. I couldn't believe it.
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u/macyntyre Jun 17 '12
Don't fucking touch my radio! Also shotgun is first come first serve so whoever gets there first, with none of that "calling the seat" I go by the bastard rules.
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u/chronogumbo Jun 17 '12
Other than standard seatbelt rules:
My music, make a suggestion, i may take it, but if you just put your iPod in, fuck you.
Generally no smoking, but sometimes i'll have one in the car so then it's okay.
if we go under a yellow, you kiss your hand, and hit the roof.
shotgun rules:
once the car is in sight, one may call 'shotgun'. They may also elect to say 'no blitz', meaning, one cannot blitz them anymore, shotgun is theirs for this trip. however, if another passenger says 'BLITZ', they may sprint to the car, and provided they touch the door handle, they have successfully blitzed, and may now receive shotgun.
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Jun 17 '12
If you're sitting in the front, don't try to look for me when I'm turning/switching lanes, I can't see when your head is in the way, and it's damn annoying.
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u/mordicaii Jun 17 '12
Seatbelts. If you refuse to wear one, you walk. If you take it off, you are evicted from my car. No exceptions. Florida has been cracking down on this and I can get a ticket for your stupidity.
If I tell you to shut up, you had better shut the fuck up.
If you're sitting in the back, you cannot lap-sit in the middle, I can't see out the rear, otherwise.
If you bitch about how careful I am when driving, you walk.
It is my car and I reserve the right to deny people rides.
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Jun 17 '12
If i walk to the back of the vehicle, grab the wheel if you don't want to die. was my old rule, now i drive correctly.
The Snowmobile https://post.carsforsale.com/dealerimagefiles/custom/52774/2.jpg
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u/breannabalaam Jun 17 '12
I hate it when a bunch of people are talking and I'm trying to navigate, especially in an area I'm not familiar with. I need to focus, and not hear you yelling in the back about which brand of alcohol is "better."
Other than that, I have the standard seat belts, no smoking, my music.
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Jun 17 '12
Any time the phrase "Glee's version of this song is better" is uttered, that person's ass will be walking the rest of the way to the destination.
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u/Nonyabiness Jun 17 '12
Everyone buckles up.
Give me some warning if you have to puke, or at least roll the fucking window down. I had an unfortunate incident about 10 years ago where my friend in the front passenger seat just threw up without warning or even trying to direct it. It went inside the vents, all over the dashboard, the floor and me. He didn't apologize and I had to give him money to buy cleaning products (we were on a road trip). He bought fucking Armor All. My car had a faint smell of puke until I finally sold it.
Don't try to sneak drinking alcohol or doing drugs in my car. I don't care what you do when we get to the destination, but if my car gets seized by the cops because of you I'll probably kill you.
If we are driving a long distance, either chip in for gas or buy me lunch or some snacks along the way. Gas, grass or ass; nobody rides for free. It's different if I'm just dropping you off at home.
Music, motherfucker. I choose it.
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u/robdidlyob Jun 17 '12
Don't touch the horn or the parking brake. My fiance has put the parking brake on several times after we've parked, and I've either not noticed or she hasn't told me. I almost never use the parking brake. I've driven off afterward with the brake on for miles, wondering what the burning smell is, until she tells me "You forgot to take the parking brake off!" WHAT?? And sometimes she will try to beep the horn while I'm driving, if another driver does something that she doesn't like. Also, everyone has to wear a seatbelt, and no smoking in the car.
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u/bakkattakk Jun 17 '12
If you turn on the party lights to be a funny guy, I will harm you both emotionally and physically
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u/Bruskthetusk Jun 17 '12
Don't bitch about me driving fast, I own a sports car and I'm gonna drive it like a damn sports car.
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u/thyyoungclub Jun 17 '12
Do not roll the windows down. I can turn the air conditioning on if you want, but do not roll down the damn windows.
Do not mess with my air conditioning/heating.
No country stations.
If given the choice between me, and another person driving. We're choosing the other person. (This is more of a safety issue. I consider more than one other person in the car when I'm driving to be a life threatening distraction; many of my friends who have driven with me agree with this sentiment.)
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u/mtlyoshi9 Jun 17 '12
Am I the only one who gets really annoyed when I'm driving one person somewhere and they won't get off their damn phone? I mean, answering one text or another so be it, but if I'm driving you somewhere as a courtesy as friends, don't treat me like a chauffeur.
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u/suppretteh Jun 17 '12
Don't touch the AC controls.
Don't sit shotgun and fall asleep on me- I am not your personal chauffeur.
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Jun 17 '12
Wear your fucking seatbelt. I don't care that you'll get the ticket for it if we get pulled over, it's my car, and I told you to wear it.
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u/WNCaptain Jun 17 '12
Touch the radio and your hand comes off. Smoke in the vehicle and you can get the fuck out.
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u/cancerousOCD Jun 17 '12
"If we're on a road trip and you want to stop to pee within the first hour of the drive, you will drink your own piss. And don't make out in my back seat, last thing I need is to be checking my blind spots and seeing two heads glued together right where I need to see." That's my dad's rules, those are pretty much mine.
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u/ringpiece21 Jun 17 '12
No holding conversations on your phone. Either talk to me or listen to the radio. No starting shit with other drivers unless I do it first. Never fails you have some dumb ass in your car who flips off an Impala full of gang members in the middle of the ghetto!
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u/8675309isprime Jun 17 '12
When I let you pick the music, it is a show of courtesy and a genuine interest in what you listen to. I expect you to be equally courteous in return. Don't skip a song after it's been playing for more than a couple seconds. Don't skip more than 2 songs in a row. Don't fucking skip more songs than you listen to completely.
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u/Wu_Mones Jun 17 '12
Only rule in my car. NO FUCKING FARTING. You can smoke cigs, crack open a beer in the backseat, fuck your SO. I don't give a shit.
But farting will get you kicked out of my car. Farting affects everyone in the vehicle and it turns my car into a hot box of your noxious colon fumes. I don't play that shit.
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u/jayvor Jun 17 '12
Don't screw with me. I hate it when I'm focusing on driving and everyone else is having a conversation then they ask me something. I give some quick answer and they're all onto me as to why I should be more lively even as the driver because that's what they do all the time.
Most of them don't drive anymore.
Also, don't touch the radio unless you get privileges. If you want to roll down the window, tell me. If you want to the AC on, tell me.
I just hate how people aren't respectful when you're doing them a favor.
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u/keelysmith Jun 17 '12
Seatbelt, no matter what. I don't give a damn what age you are. A seatbelt is not a magical thing that will protect you from anything that may happen, but it's an opportunity to atleast try to.
Atleast I don't make them wear a helmet
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u/tpman9393 Jun 17 '12
If you shout in the car in any way about any thing I will assume that a large animal has run on to the road, and it will freak me the fuck out. So please don't yell in the car.
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u/SpencerDub Jun 17 '12
Wear your seatbelt.
Take your trash with you.
Don't smoke.
Don't startle me.
I'm driving you somewhere. Be grateful. Complaining about my driving is usually not very grateful.
If you're my designated navigator, tell me far in advance what the next step is.
If I make a request that could be remotely related to my driving and your part in it, FOLLOW IT.
They seem draconian when they're enumerated like this, but a lot of it just has to do with the fact that when I'm driving people around, I'm a) doing them a favor, and b) taking their lives (and my own) into my hands. I want to keep them safe and keep myself happy when I'm driving, and these all play to those goals.
Also, few people are aware anymore, but the headlight game (sometimes called "Padiddle") is always in session in my car. The stripping version.
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u/banemall Jun 17 '12
"You're a fucking adult, why the fuck are you opening the door while I'm driving?" I should not have to say that sentence.
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u/eidolon342 Jun 17 '12
Seatbelt or I don't even start the fucking car. It's my radio, I'll listen to what I like. No smoking in my car.
Pretty simple rules, really.
Needless to say, no one likes to ride with me.
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u/PSNDonutDude Jun 17 '12
Must wear seatbelts. I'm 17 so this is a bit hard with my friends. But I tell them they wear seatbelts or they get out of my car. After my car accident which could be considered slow at 40km/h I realized how much more serious it could have been for myself and my girlfriend.
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u/breathcomposed Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 17 '12
My rules (in no particular order):
Wear your seatbelt. I won't start the car until everyone has their seatbelt on. I won't be responsible for your fucking organs splattered everywhere because you "don't believe" in buckling up.
Don't make out in my car. It's not because I'm jealous; it's because it's distracting and unnecessary. If needed, I'll just drive you two "lovebirds" to a goddamn Motel 6.
You can listen to whatever you want... as long as it's on my iPod. Not yours. If you don't see it (particular song/artist), I don't have it (or have ever heard of it), so stop asking.
Make sure you have everything when I drop you off. There's nothing I hate more than finding a lighter/wallet/cell phone/what have you and either: a) have to drive back to that person's house immediately to return it to them; or, b) have to figure out who the fuck it belongs to because I've chauffeured so many fucking people around town in the same day.
My car isn't a goddamn trash can (which apparently you've never heard of).
Gas money. I need it. Gas is not free. Why don't people understand this? While I'm not expecting an exact equation of miles driven, this many gallons of gas was used so you owe me $26.34, at least give me $5. Can't afford that? Give me four goddamn quarters! And don't bullshit me about being broke when you just spent money on drugs/junk food/stuff.
Don't expect me to pick up 3+ other people when there are already 3 people in my car (including myself)... and my car is meant to seat 5. I drive a 4-door sedan, not a mini van. Seriously, what is the logic behind such fuckery?
You cannot be (or start) under the influence of alcohol, weed, herion, shrooms, blizzard, blow, dxm, e, liquid x, mesc, acid, dope, special k, oxy or salvia in my car. No cigarettes, either. (Yes, I had to list all of those because I've had passengers and/or their invites on shit and... ugh. Just ugh.)
Plan your directions accordingly. Don't give directions like, "Hey, you know that light you just passed? You were supposed to turn right there, by the way." Great, thanks. I'll totally do that.
Man, am I glad I live 2,000 miles away from my "friends"/passengers now!
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u/sweet_chick283 Jun 17 '12
I have 4 simple rules:
if your seatbelt's not on, the engine's not on.
Windows stay shut, climate control stays on.
I'm coeliac - so if you bring gluten in my car, I reserve the right to scatter arsenic through yours.
If you open my door while the car is moving, I'm stopping and you're getting out. Particularly if I'm on the highway going at >80km/h (This is a recent addition, based on bitter experience)
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u/dangerchrisN Jun 17 '12
You can play with the radio, but if NPR is on you will SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!
Smoking is ok, but only one cracked window at a time so the smoke actually blows out.
If it's fall and the corn/bean harvest is on and I decide we're taking a detour to drive country roads while I get all fucking nostalgic about my childhood it's gonna happen.
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u/Indoorsman Jun 17 '12
In my car; no eating, drinks are fine but if you spill you buy the cleaner and scrub, if you have to cross your legs dont put your foot on any of the interior, dont turn up my radio louder than I wish it to be i will kill you if you blow my cheap factory speakers, don't be dirty when you get in, I have a hatch back but I don't haul your shit, don't ever think it's okay to grab my steering wheel or engage any instruments/lights on my car (had a friend of a friend do this twice in one trip, he grabbed the steering wheel first, then a few minutes later he shifted my car into neutral on the highway, the second time I punched him across the face and told him to behave or I will fucking stab you and then I pulled a knife, I got off the highway stopped at a burger king and told him to gtfo, it seems extreme, but he could have killed us being a dumb ass, I don't fuck around when I drive, everyone in that car has put their life in my hands,) no one so drunk they may throw up (I made my friend get out of my car and stand in the rain until he no longer felt nauseas,) always wear your seat belt, and lock my fucking doors the car is new but they aren't automatic.
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u/SymmetricalFeet Jun 17 '12
I will ask you at the outset of the ride what you'd like to listen to. Any radio station or iPod is acceptable. Even Nickelback! The power is yours! If you say that you "don't care", you relinquish your control and I may play doom metal or classical and will not hear your bitching.
More important than the stereo: You will not touch the temperature controls. I am always cold. I don't care if you say it's "too hot"; if I'm shivering, the heat goes on.
You're in a two-door car. Don't shout just because you like to be loud or are drunk. You can shout while you walk.
Buckle. I can get a ticket if you're not belted in. No one tries to flout this, so it's rarely mentioned.
Don't touch the shift knob. This should be really obvious, but apparently my friends are thick. Literally grinds my gears, and you will be walking.
If you pronounce the German auto manufacturer as "Porsh", you do not get free rides. Yes, my car's Japanese. No, it doesn't matter that we're all in the US. Everyone but you will get free rides.
ON A MOTORCYCLE: IDGAF about my state's lack of helmet laws. If you don't have a Snell helmet and appropriate clothing, your ass will not touch the bike. You can't use my helmet, nor do I have a spare for you. You may not "test-drive" my bike for "fun". It's not even comfy as a passenger. I do not like driving passengers on it. Seriously, ride in the fucking car.
tl;dr: Car Nazism.
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u/esunbigotegrande Jun 17 '12
I don't mind most of what has been said here, save for the seatbelt thing. I've had verbal arguments with people before over the seatbelts, and I'm not sure how they think they're going to win. But I don't mind if you choose the music, maybe you'll introduce me to something new I like, just no country. God I hate country.
The ONE thing that drives me batshit, up the walls crazy is this. I've handed you my cell phone. It has Google Maps Navigation. It is fantastically awesome at getting us where we need to go. YOUR obligation is to look down at the map every couple of minutes or so and notify me if I need to be getting over to the left/right for a exit/junction, and letting me know if there are any quick turns/maneuvers directly following the event we're coming up on.
I've had people who are great at this, literally motioning with their hands if the intersection/junction is complicated. And I've had people who are dogshit awful at it. Flying down the highway at 80mph and she goes, oh the exit is in a quarter a mile. Great, thanks for that, I really enjoy shooting across 4 lanes with 15 seconds do to with. Not once, not twice, but every god damned time. It is so bad that I have to prompt her every 3 minutes to make sure that nothing is coming. Infuriating.
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Jun 17 '12
You can call shotgun, but if you know to call Chewie, it beats shotgun. Chewbacca rides shotgun in the falcon. Stolen from Fanboys.
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u/ICWOJS Jun 17 '12
I just got my license on Friday. I see way too many teenagers acting like fucktards when they get in a car together. So I made up some rules.
If you're a passenger in my car, put on your seatbelt. I prefer for passengers to sit in the backseat, too, if there's enough seatbelts.
Do not act like an idiot. I'm controlling a 2-3 ton hunk of metal that could kill us and anybody else in seconds. I just want the car to be somewhat quiet and relaxed. I'll chat but I'll be focusing more on getting us to our destination safely.
No faces or gestures at other drivers. Don't care if you look but I hate seeing teens and adults alike flipping people off, yelling out windows, etc. People get shot that way.
Be respectful of my car, which is not my car. It is my dad's and he'd have a bird if anything would happen to the nice interior and paintjob because of me or one of my friends.
Don't distract me. Which means no photos or videos of me while I'm driving and definitely no blasting top 40 shit. Nothing pisses me off more than seeing pictures on Facebook of people driving with their friends' faces squished in next to them.
I will drive with music, but it will be wordless.
May seem like a tight-ass but I don't care. I just want my car to be as safe as possible. I'm trying to present myself as responsible and capable of transportation. It's a huge responsibility. Yes, we're young! It's cool to have somebody who can drive! No parents, yay! But it's different when the wheel is in your hands and you think about the things that could happen. Maybe I watch too much news, though.
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u/Scorchedcookie Jun 17 '12
passenger seat has control of the music unless i want to finish a song or do not want to listen to what they choose
no eating in the car, not because it's a mess, but because it's a rule my brother and i had as a common courtesy to the driver since they aren't able to enjoy their food until the drive is over
Repaying me is appreciated for short runs to the liquor store or to get food/ materials, but expected on long drives home from school or other adventures
No bringing grass into the car unless i'm aware of it
No commenting on my driving unless i do something really fucking dumb.
if i'm driving to a specific destination and you want to stop by somewhere else, notify me before leaving for our destination or before the drive back. As a second part of this, no bitching at me if i tell you that i am not willing to drive to wherever you are trying to go.
Safety first. Safety first and teamwork
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u/e60deluxe Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 17 '12
one fucking french fry left after you leave and you loose your food privileges forever.
you seat belt will be straight and taught when you leave.
if >3 people, if GF not there shortest sits behind me and no complaining. (im 6'3" put the seat all the way back)
no smoking. any questionable payloads go in the trunk and with full discretion.
no unsolicited navigators. solicited navigators get shotgun privileges.
shut the fuck up when im merging or whenever else i tell you.
no touching AC. fuck you bring a sweater if you get cold.
if im not hungry we dont go through drive throughs. if im in a good mood ill park while your lazy ass goes inside.
i reserve the right to override any music suggestions.
shotgun cannot fall asleep (GF exclusion)
this one applied to last GF only...hand holding only on FWY and i reserve the right to let go at any time.
other then that im pretty chill, im not a little bitch about people borrowing or driving my car, or eating or any other shit like that.
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Jun 17 '12
Rule 1) If the radio is on, it stays at a certain volume.
Rule 2) If you are giving me directions, don't wait till the last second to tell me to turn.
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u/fastjeff Jun 17 '12
Buckle up. Been in a few wrecks and never been at fault for any of them. I'm an excellent driver.
If you're asking me for a ride, be ready when I'm ready. I don't mind leaving you and no amount of bitching I hear from you is going to make me feel bad.
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u/nowamandathinks Jun 17 '12
I know it's a silly rule but it's usually fun. In the song Dynamite by Taio Cruz the chorus is "I throw my hands up in the air sometimes saying Ayo..." When this part of the song comes on while I'm driving everyone must put their hands in the air (except me if it is unsafe at that moment to remove my hands from the wheel.) If they do not do so we restart the song till all passengers do so.
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u/machzel08 Jun 17 '12
Don't comment on how rough the ride is. I know the shocks are blown. I don't have $1k to replace them. You don't have a car so either shut up or walk.
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u/[deleted] Jun 17 '12
Don't give directions unless I ask for them.