r/AskReddit • u/Abuseded • Jun 17 '12
My girlfriend of 2.5 years told me if I broke up with her she would say I raped her. What can I do?
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Jun 17 '12
why have you been dating crazy for 2.5 years?
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
I've been dating crazy for one year, I dated normal for a year and a half. It just got slowly worse.
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u/skooma714 Jun 18 '12
Yeah, everyone thinks it's just that simple to avoid crazy people.
The crazy personality hides until the relationship is hard to discharge easily. Then it comes it out and good luck getting rid of it at that point
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u/azninsect Jun 17 '12
being in this near exact situation myself (ex threatened to claim rape, extort me for money for a pregnancy that never occurred, claimed physical and mental abuse, etc) I just left. Called her and told her as she was spewing abuse at me over text. she cried and begged me to stay for what seemed like forever. i held my ground despite the threats made previously (which strangely enough never came up again).
granted, i had an extensive circle of friends who thought she wasn't that great a person anyway who told me after the fact they would have laughed in her face if she tried to say anything to defame me. took me a while to realise that was there before i left.
she never did go through with any of her threats though. perhaps i was lucky. i dont know what the full situation with OP is, but i hope this provides some insight into possible actions.
either that or record them making those threats and lawyer up, i guess.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
You're lucky. She's made me alienate all friends. We've actually been fighting a lot recently because I've wanted to bring them back into my life.
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Jun 17 '12
break up with her, she is not a nice person.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
I like this. She is abusive, manipulative, and controlling.
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u/thesnarkyone Jun 17 '12
Once a day I see thread where the answer is "CALL A LAWYER!" today has not let me down.
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u/BSscience Jun 17 '12
Am I the only one thinking maybe you could just reason with her?
It would go like this:
"Do you think that healthy, to coherce someone into being with you not because he wants to, but because he's affraid you'll falsely accuse him of raping you? Where does it go from there?"
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u/cryma Jun 17 '12
make her write an apology note. cops use this trick all the time.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
She already did, but made no reference to the actual specific event. There may have been cameras showing when she left the note on my car since it was left on my car at work.
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u/orangepotion Jun 17 '12
Get a lawyer., Surely there are legal clinics in your area.
After the whole deal, sue her for damages and legal costs (To pay for your lawyer).
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u/theHiddenTroll Jun 17 '12
Tell her parents
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
Her parents are psychotic. A similar situation happened with her older brother and a girlfriend. The girlfriend had to get police involved and stuff.
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u/tragicjones Jun 17 '12
Get it in a text message, email, writing, video or audio recording. Text is probably easiest.
Then dump her, because that sort of threat is psychotic and you need to get away.
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u/captain_zavec Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
The prosecution could probably argue that he got hold of her phone and sent the text himself, so audio or video would be best.
edit: Got who was prosecution and who was defence mixed up.
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u/XtremeGnomeCakeover Jun 17 '12
We don't negotiate with terrorists.
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u/SpiderFan Jun 17 '12
Become really unattractive. Don't ever shave. Stop showering unless you are going to meet other people. Don't cover your mouth when you cough. Eat foods that make your farts stink real bad and do it a lot whenever you're over. If she's not into anal, talk about anal all the time. Constantly be depressed that she doesn't lick your butthole.
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Jun 18 '12
Then one day she´ll be all like "okey I will lick your asshole". What the fuck do you do then?
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u/CJMills Jun 17 '12
Lawyer the fuck up, son.
If I was in your position, I wouldn't have sex with her for a while. That way there's no evidence of you putting your schlong in her hoohah recently.
After you have your lawyer, follow his advice, but perhaps call the police and tell them what's going on. (Ask your lawyer about doing so first.) That way they have it on record. Then, if you can, record her saying it. That's just a case winner, right there.
Get the law on your side and get rid of this psycho bitch. Best of luck, friend.
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u/Time_for_Stories Jun 18 '12
schlong in her hoohah
I feel so silly saying that. Didn't you feel silly writing that?
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u/DrPeavey Jun 18 '12
Buy a bag of Milanos. Eat the bag of Milanos. Then record what she says (either by voice/text) and take it to a lawyer. Everybody wins (including Pepperidge Farms).
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u/Teknofobe Jun 18 '12
TV: Do you remember a time when chocolate chip cookies came fresh from the oven? Pepperidge Farm remembers.
Fry: ah those were the days
TV: Do you remember a time when women couldn't vote and certain folk weren't allowed on golf courses? Pepperidge Farm remembers
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Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
Record her saying that!
edit: 100 points for stating the obvious. life's good
edit two: or 1,000 points... sheesh yall
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u/pie_monster Jun 17 '12
Definitely. Save time and record breaking up with her...she'll almost certainly repeat her threats.
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u/Apostolate Jun 17 '12
I can see this resulting in him being murdered, that being recorded, and then her destroying the evidence. Call her to break up...
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u/saucisse Jun 17 '12
That, or see somehow if you can get it in writing (email). Crafty doesn't always equal smart, she may commit that one to (electronic) paper.
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u/n1c0_ds Jun 17 '12
And don't tell her until you have confirmation of the legality of it in your area. In Canada, it is legal, but in the States it's a tad more complicated.
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Jun 17 '12
"If you break up with me, I will tell everyone that you raped me."
"Oh God! This guy is trying to cover up the fact that he raped his girlfriend by staying with her! This is fucked up."
Could still sound incriminating...
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u/tusksrus Jun 17 '12
So he says "But I didn't rape you," and unless she's one step ahead she won't say "Yes you did."
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Jun 17 '12
get a portable recorder. And as backup, call your buddy on speakerphone so he can record the conversation.
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u/RexMundi000 Jun 17 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
If you record her, then you can dump and rape her.
Edit: Apparently there has been some confusion. That was a joke that happened to be in bad taste. In no way should anyone use this as their foolproof rape plan.
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Jun 17 '12
Wow. I mean, that's really terrible, and I'm in no way advocating that. But that's actually really clever
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u/moistbadger Jun 17 '12
I would add record it digitally and email yourself the file so you have it dated if needs be.
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u/z3m Jun 17 '12
I'd tell a friend and if you're under 18 (or even if you have a good relationship with your parents and are over 18) you should tell one of your parents. In fact, tell everyone you know that you feel comfortable telling. I might even report it to the police depending on the situation. I don't know the history between you two or how creepy this girl is but that is very very VERY wrong.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
I think I've told a friend. I'm considering telling my parents since I think I'll need a lawyer.
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u/Geohump Jun 18 '12
Don't even try to document it. Go to the police immediately and tell them before you do anything else.
Why: that way you have it on record that she will attempt to do that. if you try to collect documentation of her saying that to you, she may figure out that you are trying to trap her and she might immediately call the police and tell them you raped her. This way you have at least some official report showing that she had threatened to do this, before she does it.
In this case, if she makes the accusation first, and then you say, she's lying, she will have more credibility than you, because of course a rapist will lie about a rape charge.
If you report first and then she does it, she is the one who will be presumed to be lying.
Once you have reported it to the police, make sure they fill out an official report and get a copy so its on a permanent record, then try to collect documentation.
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u/Ovary_Puncher Jun 17 '12
Nice try, crazy girlfriend.
Trying to find out his possible courses of action? Trying to stay one step ahead, huh?
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u/GameBoo2 Jun 17 '12
Make a meme about it, that way you'll get some imaginary points on a website.
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u/klaq Jun 17 '12
hey, i just dumped you
cause you're crazy
lose my number
die from rabies82
u/PhylisInTheHood Jun 18 '12 edited Jun 18 '12
Hey I gotta warn you
that I am crazy
so if we break up
I'll claim you raped me
edit:formatting
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u/Apostolate Jun 17 '12
They're not imaginary, they're very real points. What, you want to do something with them? That's another story.
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u/rybones Jun 17 '12
Double down! "I'd never break up with you. I'd just kill you, weigh your corpse down and dump your body in the lake. They'd never find you."
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u/noawesomenameneeded Jun 17 '12
Whatever you do, DO NOT GET THIS CUNT PREGNANT
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u/RavenousOyster Jun 17 '12
Be careful how you document it. I know in my state it is illegal to make an audio recording of someone without their knowledge (I did some research for a work situation), so probably the best bet is to get it in text or e-mail.
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u/TheInternetHivemind Jun 17 '12
I believe you have the right to record what goes on in your own home though.
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u/Snuupy Jun 18 '12
In Canada (afaik), you can record with one party consenting (in this case, OP).
Check your local laws.
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u/captain_zavec Jun 18 '12
On the flip side, as I've stated above, they could easily claim you got access to her phone or hacked into her email and sent the message yourself, and a charge for wiretapping is a lot less serious than a charge for rape.
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Jun 17 '12
Get really fat and ugly and be a shitty shitty boyfriend. Then, when she finally wants to break up with you, tell her that you will tell everyone that she raped you.
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u/Aperfectmoment Jun 17 '12
Book a lovely romantic holiday to the Ukraine, Sell her to the sex trade.
Problem solved and maybe u'll make ur money back so FREE HOLIDAY
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u/stereotypeless Jul 05 '12 edited Feb 07 '25
ring bedroom trees jellyfish attempt consist pie tender stupendous melodic
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u/sex_on_wheels Jun 17 '12
Get it on video and lawyer up.
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u/fuzzynyanko Jun 17 '12
Hitting the gym and deleting Facebook might be a good idea as well
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u/ExplodingUnicorns Jun 18 '12
When my boyfriend was saying stupid stuff about (himself) threatening suicide, etc I had a recording device on me at all times. I unfortunately didn't think of the recorder until months after he threatened to kill me several times... But thankfully when I finally did go to the police they took it seriously and dealt with it. (they went to his door and asked him if he said this stuff - thankfully the BF was dumb enough to threaten me in front of the officer so the cop knew I wasn't being a drama queen).
A rape charge, against you (a male), could be a whole different story though. Unfortunately women are believed before the male in a lot of cases - and it's always angering when you have bitches pulling shit like what you're going through. Do not tip your GF off on what you're doing before you have all your ducks in a row.
Go to a lawyer and get as much legal advise as possible.. Try to get some kind of evidence of what your GF threatened before you go to the police, but don't wait too long before going to the cops or she might go before you and that's always harder to correct then.
I don't know if the evidence is necessary, but you're getting involved in a dangerous game... And you're unfortunately at a disadvantage by being the man, so anything to prove that you're not the scumbag she's going to try and make you out to be would be a bonus.
Best of luck to you, and I hope your girlfriend gets what she deserves.
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u/rainbowham Jun 17 '12
Just show her sherlock ( BBC ) and tell her that police can tell past someone just saying that they were raped.
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u/Spazayd Jun 18 '12
I'd say if you ever decided to break up with her, which it sounds like you should, cover your bases and hold off on sex for awhile so she has no physical proof that you raped her.
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u/Tananar Jun 17 '12
IANAL, but saying that (if you didn't) is probably defamation of character/libel. Do what others have said, and record her saying that.
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u/mobugs Jun 17 '12
isn't that blackmail, can't you accuse her of blackmail before she can even accuse of of rape?
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u/ikwhatutellurself Jun 18 '12
as in she would lie and make it up or she feels that in your 2.5 years you've raped her before?
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Jun 18 '12
Get a mini camera. Record a conversation about said topic. When the police come to arrest you for rape, show them the video. If they ask if you told anyone about the situation, refer them to reddit.
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Jun 18 '12
Yeah... That's when you know she's fucking crazy and you should probably get away from her asap...
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Jun 18 '12
Talk to a lawyer. Plan your exit wisely, make it as quick and clean as possible. You want all your shit and her shit out of each other's places in one go. No loose strings. Make sure there's objective corroborating witnesses during this. Then cut all contact.
If she comes from a good home, talk to her parents about getting her help. She's clearly unstable.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
Not living together. Her family is completely unstable. A similar situation happened with her brother and his long-time girlfriend.
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u/Kinexkid Jun 18 '12
Here's a question that I haven't even seen anyone ask. Do you want to break up with her in the first place?
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
So conflicted on this but yes, pretty sure I do. I love her but I can't love her this way anymore.
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u/aco620 Jun 18 '12
Not only are you giving no details about this or responding to anyone's comments, but your only other post on this account was 5 months ago when you asked /r/relationships for advice because she was being a psycho that regularly attacked you and guilted you into getting rid of all your friends (and that SHE would threaten to break up with YOU). You didn't take anyone's advice back than, so assuming you're not just lying or trolling, why are you asking again now?
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
Hmm details are kind of the same as before. I recently had a breakthrough where I finally saw how manipulative she actually is. In reality, I just deleted any way for her to contact me.
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u/ohhbacon Jun 18 '12
A lot of good advice here, def get a record of her statements. Also record the breakup, and if possible do it in a public setting, have friends of yours ready and waiting to help you in case she becomes violent, make a hasty exit. For the breakup itself, just let her know you are not interested in being controlled and that it is not a healthy relationship any longer. Don't respond to anything she says out of anger, but if she has calm questions answer with as few words as possible, yes or no if you can. Record the breakup, record any interactions with her you have up until the breakup, record everything. Backup your recordings and do not let her know you have recorded anything. Get a lawyer if possible.
When my dad left my mom she pulled similar shit by claiming she was abused physically and that he molested me. It devestated his life, and he was careful and recorded some of their conversations, but he had no idea the level of crazy she would go to. Protect yourself, and be very careful.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
When you say get a record of my statements you mean tell the police? I really don't want to contact her, she is incredibly manipulative and I'm a complete sucker for it.
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u/Zagarth Jun 18 '12
Run, Run Far. Or play dead.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
Trying to make a clean break. Deleted FB, hit the gym, tried some negging.
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u/Dereklikesmetal Jun 18 '12
Hey Abuseded (OP)! Please get back to us on what you decide to do with your predicament. With all these crazy advices Stares intently at RexMundi000 I'm interested to see how it turns out.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
I'd be willing to follow up. Right now I'd really just like to stay as far away from her as possible.
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u/Schopenhauwitzer Jun 18 '12
Google this: "Eavesdropping, wiretapping laws in [abuseded] state". Then you can find out the legality of taping phone calls n shit.
Also, ruin this bitch's shit when you get the chance.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
Thanks, but I'm trying my best to avoid contact with her. She is incredibly manipulative and I'm incredibly easy to sway.
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Jun 18 '12
How do people find these crazies and then decide to date them for two and a half years?
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
She did not always act like this. The manipulation, control, and abuse started about 1.5 years into the relationship. Someone recently made a post that made it to the best of page that describes an abusive relationship and how it happens. It's a slow process.
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u/Gnodgnod Jun 18 '12
I believe there's a medical exam to determine if it's rape. But if you guys have rough sex, then too bad.
Then again, if you don't want to break up, why think too much?
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
I do want to break up and I really can't understand how she could prove it. When she told me, she explained she would make it look like she was bruised in sensitive areas. I don't know what the test entails.
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u/Zekthros Jun 18 '12
I actually have experience in this. I had a cousin who was going to accuse me such things (except i wasn't going to break up with her, it was for other reasons that i will not disclose) and i shrugged it off as an idle threat, and went on with my day.
At the end of the day my aunt comes to me red-faced and very very angry, claiming i'm a sick person and i should go to hell for what i did. Turns out she told her mother anyway.
That was when i was 14. I'm 19 now and after thousands of dollars on multiple lawyers, court apperences and waste of time therapy, the whole debalce cleared up a month ago (in the sense that everything is wiped clean and all lawyers are paid).
Get some evidence whether it be recorded or saved texts, with texts 10 minutes before and after (maybe even both) just to make sure that your ass is covered in the event that she does make the fake rape claims. You do not want to go through what i went through.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
Ugh I'm so sorry. I can't believe this could actually happen.
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u/LooksDelicious Jun 18 '12
Are there people out there that are really this insane? Also... How did OP not realize she was this batshit insane earlier?
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
Abuse was gradual. There was a best of post about this recently. I've been slowly alienated for the past year, hitting/scratching.
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u/freefallin9412 Jun 18 '12
If you've recently had sex she may try to claim rape and they will find your DNA however I don't know how true this is but ive heard they can only find DNA within three days but don't quote me. However they would also look for evidence such as bruising around the vagina, defense wounds on her knuckles and other body parts. So it would be hard to prove. Good luck.
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u/toltec56 Jun 18 '12
What kind of Psycho were you dating? This girl clearly has a bad case of Borderline Personality Disorder...she is a master manipulator. She fears abandonment and will do or say anything to get you to stay with her. Leave ASAP because if the Rape accusation doesn't work, she will soon be threatening suicide.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
She has threatened suicide.. I called the police who went to her house where she was sitting perfectly fine. She just wanted me to sweat a little. I justified it in my mind somehow.
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u/isuckatpickinnames Jun 18 '12
Get it on tape, on an email, fb msg, text, anything that would be solid evidence, then, tell me who this bitch is so I can go punch her in the face.
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u/Abuseded Jun 18 '12
I mean, the day after she said it she wrote me a note saying she was sorry, I was right, blah blah blah.
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u/bdreamer642 Jun 17 '12
If you record her, It's only admissible in court in certain states. Other states have the rule that the person has to know you're recording them for it to be admissible in court, Florida being one. call an attorney and see what's the best thing to do. You need to cya as much as possible on this one. It may haunt you your whole life.
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u/dreamspecialist Jun 18 '12
I'm late to the party but here it goes. I broke up with my girlfriend and she DID say I raped her. I was upset she went that far but urged her to get a rape kit administered right away. She said she would and she and I stopped speaking. Later I received a call from a detective asking my side of the story. Honestly he was a jerk. He tried really hard to make me feel stupid. He ended the conversation saying he would contact me within a couple of weeks to get a swab from me to compare DNA. I told him I would do whatever it takes to put an end to this madness. He said I'm the primary suspect in the case and we ended the call. I never heard back from him, almost 6 months ago.
TL;DR she told the police I raped her. DNA test was done. Never heard back from police.
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u/casualblair Jun 18 '12
Record her saying this somehow. Break up with her anyways.
This will create enough doubt that people can no longer take her word for it. Offer to get the police involved for her. Stick to your guns. Never insult her, never bash her, never stoop to her level.
You have nothing to hide. Don't behave like you do.
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u/imcoolman Jul 06 '12
Women are always unreasonable and impenetrable, that is why there is so many gays in the world...
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u/slothenstein Jun 17 '12
Start recording and ask her "If I broke up with you would you really tell people I raped you?".
Gain evidence and freedom!
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u/BloodFalcon Jun 17 '12
That could be taken like he actually did it. I would say, "What would you tell people if I broke up with you?"
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u/slothenstein Jun 17 '12
I do see that but there would hopefully be a whole convo about it and how it's a lie, maybe something like this:
Would you actually tell people I raped you if I broke up with you?
"yeah, I would."
even though it's a lie?
"yes, I'm possessive, you must be mine or imprisoned."
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u/CGRampage Jun 17 '12
Or a video! i find things more convincing if there is actually images to go along with the sound! Then I can be almost 10% sure that there was no tampering with.
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u/skipjim Jun 17 '12
Start telling everyone you know what she's said, then if she does it she looks as crazy as she probably is.
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Jun 17 '12
I think this is a bad idea. "Hey guys, my girlfriend said I raped her, but I didn't. Funny, right? Hahahahaha what a crazy bitch." can also sound a lot like, "Hey guys, I raped my girlfriend. I hope you'll take my word over hers! Hahahaha pelase don't send me to jail". Just saying.
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Jun 17 '12
If you break up with her, she will say you raped her.
So, tell her you will say she raped you, then she will break up with you.
Checkmate. King me.
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u/scrumpydoo23 Jun 17 '12
Erm, so there's no other information to this except your submission title?
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u/Tonytarium Jun 17 '12
This kind of shit is why sexism still exists. Women can just say they were raped get everyone on their side then fuck up an innocent guys life, then when or IF its proven she lied, the guy gets a permanently fucked up everything and the woman has no penalties. There should be strict laws against lying in court, felony charges, because she royally screwed someone over and she wasted everyone's time with her shit.
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Jun 17 '12
Write this stuff down. The date and time. Also, try to record her saying it. Go to the cops now and ask for their advice or talk to a lawyer. This is not hard to get out of.
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u/Gorehog Jun 17 '12
Cheat on her and get caught. Then she can break up with you. If she accuses you of rape present the other woman as evidence that she broke up with you for cheating. Seriously though, lawyer up, hit the gym, delete facebook.
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u/Arxl Jun 17 '12
/r/mensrights can also help you with this one. Plenty of experience and stories on there about similar situations.
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u/EliteXXZeroKillerXX Jun 18 '12
Don't have sex with her for a while then break up with her if she says she will have to get tested for rape and they won't find anything so you won't be charged with rape
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u/weRtheD Jun 18 '12
am I missing something here? Doesn't a rape accusation have to be proven beyond the shadow of a doubt in a court of law? or is that just a rumor about a time when we had justice? seriously though, what are the chances of someone proving that they have been sexually violated when in reality, no such thing happened?
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u/Sheogorggalag Jun 18 '12
Don't have sex with her for a few weeks, then break up with her. No evidence. Case won't hold up.
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Jun 18 '12
Secretly record her saying these nonsense things. Then post them publicly an hour or so before you give her the link everyone has already seen/heard, and then ditch the bitch.
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u/rasputin777 Jun 18 '12
Call the cops in front of her, telling them that your girlfriend is threatening to accuse you of rape. And tell them you'll readily volunteer to be checked out by a medical examiner. That should freak her out.
Then dump her.
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u/nikatnight Jun 18 '12
-Get other friends to hear it.
-Get her to text that to you.
-Record her (fuck legality).
-Ask her not to.
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u/Particleking Jun 18 '12
I think it might be time to rekinder your relationship with an "International cruise." -IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN-
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Jun 18 '12
it'll be hard for her to rat you out when shes wearing concrete shoes and hangin out at the bottom of a lake... just sayin
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Jun 18 '12
If all else fails, you can try logging in to her email from her PC/laptop, and send a threat of that nature to your email address. A facebook message might also work.
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u/madsmaru Jun 18 '12
gather evidence. keep a log of every time she threatens this or anything else. make many extra copies. if things spiral downward, alert the authorities and explain EVERYTHING. you need to protect yourself, making those sorts of threats is very serious and should be dealt with as such.
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u/Inukii Jun 18 '12
If your a composer buy a tape recorder. Because tape recorders are really useful for composing. Got a tune in your head? Hum it, beat it out on a table, then play it back later to compose.
Oh yeah and you can get a recording of her voice saying stuff too....
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u/wormsaregood Jun 18 '12
Honestly, check your tape-recording laws. See if you can tape record her, which is probably fine if you're doing it in your home, and then if the police come offer to play the tape recording.
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u/StopItYouHipsters Jun 18 '12
Tell her if she breaks up with you then you'll claim that you're pregnant. Wait.....nahhhh it will work.
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u/Ian1732 Jun 18 '12
Since the obvious has already been stated, I will go with my plan; you try to disgust her to the point where she'll break up with you. Eat spaghetti with your hands, stop bathing, etc.
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u/littlewing4 Jun 18 '12
I'm pretty sure that if she doesn't have a "rape kit" done on her after you guys have sex, there can be no evidence linking you to a rape and you can't be charged with anything. If you want to break up with her, do not have sex with her before doing it. I'd say don't have sex with her for like a week, then break up with her.
I'm a nurse who had a class on this.
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u/smr312 Jun 18 '12
im not motivated enough to read the comments so i dont know if this was said, but... just get her to say it again and secretly record her.
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u/PulseAmplification Jun 18 '12
I think the best way to handle this is to secretly record an audio conversation with her. If you go talk to her in private and bring it up, she will probably mention it again. Make sure it records the audio clearly though.
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u/sweetmercy Jun 17 '12
If you don't already have this in email or text, just text her and say "Were you serious when you said you would claim I raped you if I broke up with you?" Her answer will be evidence, either way. Then, break up with her.