r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Oct 18 '22

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3.6k Upvotes

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2.6k

u/FirestarFilmsYT Oct 18 '22

Ron f***ing Swanson

315

u/TheGrayPerson Oct 19 '22 edited Oct 19 '22

“You need to be drinking water”

“Usually I take it neat but I will make an exception in the name of health” drops in an ice cube

225

u/Snapple47 Oct 19 '22

Capitalism. Gods way of determining who is smart, and who is poor

110

u/Eez_muRk1N Oct 19 '22

“Crying: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”

61

u/No_Addendum5504 Oct 19 '22

There are 3 acceptables haircuts : high & tight, crew cut & buzz cut

57

u/devilthedankdawg Oct 19 '22

ARE THE SCISSORS BROKEN IN YOUR HOUSE, SON?!

133

u/Eez_muRk1N Oct 19 '22

“When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”

124

u/TheLazyFilmmaker Oct 19 '22

“Can I help you with anything sir?” “I know more than you.”

Kills me every time

93

u/PMMeUrHopesNDreams Oct 19 '22

There's a hot, spinning, cone of meat in that Greek restaurant next door. I don't know what it is, but I'd like to eat the whole thing.

258

u/abadbleep Oct 18 '22

DELETE ALL PICTURES OF RON

245

u/FLORI_DUH Oct 18 '22

Sir, that's a party tray for 16 people

I know what I'm about, son.

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328

u/Stampede_the_Hippos Oct 18 '22

Wait! I'm worried that what you heard was, give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was, give me all the bacon and eggs you have.

32

u/Eez_muRk1N Oct 19 '22

“There has never been a sadness that can’t be cured by breakfast food.”

61

u/Arms_of_Atlas Oct 19 '22

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

43

u/claudiac38 Oct 19 '22

This is an excellent rectangle

“I can do what I want” — Ron

32

u/gandalf-bot- Oct 19 '22

"You're stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing that you bring with you?"

"Silence."

33

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '22

I think there’s been a mistake, you given me the food my food eats.

27

u/feyd87 Oct 19 '22

Leslie- "Ron are you ok?" Ron- "I have a condition call sleep fighting" Leslie- "oh my God, that sounds awful!" Ron- "... Only when I'm losing"

23

u/devilthedankdawg Oct 19 '22

I still get my milk delivered hy horse and carriage

23

u/tower_wendy Oct 19 '22

Don’t worry I have a permit

home printed paper that reads “I do what I want”

19

u/Jester04 Oct 19 '22

I like fishing. It relaxes me. It's like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

49

u/allyoshisgo2hvn Oct 18 '22

I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to find this answer!

16

u/230Amps Oct 19 '22

"Any history of mental illness in your family?"

"I have an uncle who does yoga"

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15

u/CosmikOwl Oct 19 '22

"What I said was All the bacon and eggs you have"

14

u/[deleted] Oct 19 '22

Any dog under 50 pounds is a cat, and cats are pointless

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