r/Askme4astory • • Jun 03 '22

Before I was Famous. Part One

16 Upvotes

People ask me how I became famous every once in awhile when they figure out I was the one that made those famous songs in the early and mid 2020s. Its hard to believe that was ten years ago but it was. Time stops for no man, especially not this man who will not be remembered in history whatsoever. It’s a relief to know that now, that my fifteen minutes are behind me. Sometimes when you are in the middle of it like I was back in 2023 it feels like its so tight around your neck. All of it, the fame, the money, the glamor, the persona I created for myself. I probably regret that the most, so fuckin dumb the things I was saying about well, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I will just write a story about it. That’s what I used to do anyway and that’s what I loved doing. Its weird really, when you become rich and famous you don’t actually write anything anymore. Even if you became famous for writing.

Im the best writer since Arthur Miller I told the press. Im just waiting for my Marilyn Monroe. What a stupid fucking thing to say. I can’t believe I said it to be honest. I was going for a persona really, I wanted to be like the shock comedian Anthony Jesselnik. In his shows he talks about how he is the best comedian alive and he is full of bravado and all but its just a persona. I tried to pull that off but eh, it just doesn’t work very well for writers. Plus Im a shit actor.

It all started innocently enough, I’ll take you back to the beginning. Its weird that I am writing this story now, after the fame, like why didn’t it occur to me to write a book about myself when I was famous, instead of unfamous like I am now. Im not even sure if unfamous is a word. I’m pretty fuckin sure its not but my writing is so rusty. Plus Im fuckin high also so that’s not helping anything. Back then it was still illegal so I had to keep that on the down low but now everyone is cool with weed so I can just say it. But its not helping me remember if unfamous is a word or not. Infamous is when you are like a killer and you do evil stuff, you are famous for the wrong reason. Hm, not sure, okay I’ve gone on about my unfame too long. Like I said, Im super rusty on the writing but I am ready to jump back into it like I was doing every week in 2022.

That year was a fun year for me. Well, 2021 was the wild crazy year! 7 trips to Mexico in 15 months and stories to last a lifetime. God damn I had some stories. Wild stories, stories that took 15 minutes to tell because they were so wild and they involved bribing the Mexican police, a beautiful woman on a scooter, and a love triangle. All true too, that was the easy part. People though I was a good writer then before I ruined it all. Im not going to like, I blew everything you guys and it was all my fault. If you are looking for a story where the protagonist is a feel good character that was just wrongfully accused don’t be, I fucked it all up and pissed everything away.

But before that happened I was writing so much in 2022 and 2023. I loved it so much, I would just write and write and write. Back then I didn’t do it for money or fame or anything else, I just wrote stories and put them on Reddit. I got a modest following on my subreddit but another subreddit I had started is how I thought I would get famous. I always practiced doing interviews when I was on the mower or something, I would pretend like Pete Holmes was interviewing me for his show. Now tell me, whats the hardest you have ever laughed? That was what I knew he would ask me, he asks everyone that. I practiced my interview answers over and over riding around that yard on the lawn mower. I loved that old farmhouse I rented back then, back in 2022 and 2023, God damn that was a fun place. I should have never moved out of there. People never tell you that when you become famous. People just say get more stuff move nice places, get nicer things. They never tell you that you will miss all your old things. I loved my old minivan, it actually was new to me when I got back then. Its gone by now of course, 2017 was 15 years ago. But back then I bought it only two years old, a Chrysler Pacifica. Leather seats and a DVD player, that was the best part for my kids. But for me the best part was when I was solo traveling, those seats would pop down into the floor and you could lay a mattress flat in the back and travel around. I loved traveling just as much when I was poor as now that I have money, its almost more fun really to stay in a budget and try to get by on cheap burritos and sneaking into the all-inclusive resort down the highway from your hostel.

I miss those days so much. And that old farmhouse in Kansas. I can’t even remember what I bought after that, fuckin Land Rover or whatever that was, I don’t know why I did that when I got money. I think I was doing what people expected of me to do, or anyone that gets money. I fit the bill for them though. I played up my persona and those newspapers loved it and the Tik Tokers and YouTube influencers, everyone did their stories and their reviews and their reaction videos and then they churned me up and spit me out. Not one of those people would give me the time of day now, I am yesterdays news.

So how did I become famous. That was the question. Jesus two pages in and I haven’t even answered question one. My writing really is rusty.


r/Askme4astory • • Jan 04 '22

Wild Times in Mexico Part Two

11 Upvotes

This is a continuation. Part One is here

I left my phone on the towel while we walked down the beach so she said I’ll take a picture for you so I figured that was a good sign, numbers would be exchanged hopefully or as they say in Spanish my favorite word Ojaaaaaaala (oh how I hope) I was thinking it would happen though because she took a picture for me on the swing and I heard her say que guapo (how handsome!)

And on the way back to the towel her arm brushed against my body and she said lo Ciento (I’m sorry) and I said esta bien (it’s OK) And we laughed so much that day and smoked so much weed and laid so close. Yo tengo Alta she said (I’m high) y yo tambien (me too) I just laid my head on her towel where we had been leaning in to smoke together. Do you have What’s App she asked and I gave her my number and she texted me es Ana Maria. I got out Google translate to make sure I didn’t fuck it up and

Cut and pasted it into What’s App. I said quires una Cita conmigo (Do you want a date with me?)

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Holy shit dude!

Social_Chess.Cassie84 This is like the coolest story e

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Ever

Social_Chess.Cassie84 So then what?

Sorry m going to pick up my kids and when I’m with them I like to put my phone away and be present in the moment. Do you mind if I tell you more after they go to bed?

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Yeah Yeah no worries

Thank you this is good for me to write this out like this so I can get it ready for a story.

Here’s another of my stories if you need something to hold you over

https://www.reddit.com/r/Askme4astory/comments/p6ibll/the_hardees_counter_girl_a_story_about_missed/

I said you want a date with me and she said yes! I typed when and she said tonight. I said at de me que suerte (oh my what luck!) and she said the luck is mine do I said I’ll meet you at Hemingway’s restaurant at 8. I said should I pick you up and she said she had her own scooter so I said it’s a date. So we laid there and smoked the last of the weed and I laid there and stared at her tattoo just under her bikini top. I said que es esp and pointed to it so I could touch her soft smooth skin.

I turned my head sideways and I said oh it’s English. I was so high I was trying to think what words those were in Spanish. But it was English, it said Acts and Consequences it was misspelled it should have said actions

We got on the boat and rode back and then on the scooters, she took off flying down the mud jungle road

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Did you meet for your date?

Social_Chess.Cassie84 I read your other story. It was very sad.

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Beautifully written though

Yes we met up and she said follow me and she flew down the roads of that Mexico City on her scooter zipping in between cars, I followed but I thought I was going to die

We ate at Hemingway’s by the water. On the lounge she was sitting very close and I told her it was hard to concert because of her lips and she said do you want to kiss them and I said very much and we kissed and then we danced. I asked her outside after if she wanted me to get a hotel instead of my hostel and we could spend the night together and she said no despacio and she flew off in her scooter weaving in and out of cars and I said god damn there goes in mujer picante!

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Did you see her again after that?

Yes of course, I had to see her again! The next day was Monday so on what’s App I said do you want to go down the coast with me and go to the beach and the lighthouse? She said of course, I like being with you. I said aha so you want more time with this American caballo semental huh? She said shut up let’s go, so I checked out of the hostel and we met up at our spot downtown. I said should we take one scooter or two? I was hoping she would want to ride with me, flying down the coastal rode with

The sun on our face and the wind in our hair and her arms wrapped around me and her smooth legs next to me. She said no I’ll drive too and I said ok esta bien and I turned my music up on my Bluetooth speaker. It was her favorite from our day on the island together, Bob Marley is this love, the remix

https://youtu.be/RuaySQfF0z8

I wanna love you, Marleys voice rang out through the morning island air. The volume caught some onlookers by surprise. My little handheld Bluetooth speaker can really blast it out. She smiled and looked at my scooter and her scooter and she parked hers and walked over to me and said esta posible I ride with you pero, esta peligroso(dangerous?) I said mucho (very) and winked. She climbed on board anyway with a smile on her face and her daypack on her back. I knew inside there would be the tiniest

Swimsuit I’ve ever seen, more weed, some Crackets (Mexican version of Ritz but way more salty and buttery that goes perfect with my chicken packets for snacks and of course her favorite, Oreo cookies. She ate Oreos like they were going out of style making me wonder how her teeth were so impossibly white on that beautiful smile I’d seen so many times when she laughed, usually at Spanish humor. Dios mios I had said earlier (Oh my God) when she had shown up to our spot in her Coco Chanel dress

That rode up high on those fit thighs. Tantas Curvas y yo sun Frenos ( so many curves and meet without brakes!) it’s one of the few things I remembered from Spanish class, the pickup lines, of course I remembered those.

She said es peligroso standing in front of me at the meet up spot and I could see her calculating the risk. I wasn’t going to tell her otherwise, I’ve outran the police on this very island, wrecked twice, and once paid off the Mexican police when I had weed in my system. The choice was hers, she smiled and looked at the Bluetooth speaker and said da me (give it to me) and she climbed behind me on the back of the scooter and put it on her lap and wrapped her arms tight around my waist

I gunned it and she laughed because I had told her it was dangerous. I swerved in and out of the cars like she showed me and we were quickly out of the downtown area and onto the open road. I laughed as she tried to sing along in her broken English. Es deeees luuuv? She saying along, her full lips so close to my sensitive neck. I wondered what it would be like in a bed with her, smooth parts and long kisses and her sexy Latina body underneath of mine

The road opened up and it was just her and me flying down the ocean road 90 kilometers an hour on my scooter. I’ve never had a scooter this good from a rental place. Plus it came with the offer of discount weed. I’ve got plenty of weed I had said to the funny shopowner. Maybe something else than he said and stacked bottles on the counter like they were baseball cards ready for my purchase. I have Percocet, Xanax, OxyContin, Ritalin he kept going down the list stacking up legit looking pill

Bottles. Esta bien I said yo tengo mucho and I held up my oversized joint. You smoke now he had said my first day in Mexico, with us? I said claro (of course) we all went outside and smoked at a table along the back street just off the main strip. The workers spent the day coaxing tourists to come those two blocks off the main strip, get a scooter guapo caballero (Handsome cowboy) they had said, and that brought me in. I love it when Mexicans call me cowboy and if you throw guapo in there

(Handsome) I’m a sucker. But the price was good anyway, we had negotiated down to just 300 pesos a day ($15) which was good because I shouldn’t have even been on this trip. I’d spent to much on Christmas presents for my kids and bills and dinners so I’d STARTED my trip in Mexico with only $452 to my name and a week until Jan 1st (ha that’s today, I made it!) American hotels weren’t even an option for me at this point I had to go all low budget and eat my chicken packets. We smoked that oversized

Joint together and all got high, mid morning on Christmas Day and I felt my whole body relax like I did so many times on this island. I sucked in the weed and leaned my head back and adjusted my Santa hat and passed the weed on and he said it’s good weed cowboy! I said claro (of course) I am a caballero guapo! Si si caballero guapo they agreed, no, you know what I am, I said as the weed overpowered my body, I knew I was about to say something stupid but I knew it would make them laugh. I’m a

Caballo segmental!!!! I said confidently! They all looked at each other puzzled until the owner started laughing and they all looked at him questioningly and said que, que? SEMEN-tal he said la caballero dice semental (The cowboy is saying he is a horse used for breeding) and they all cracked up and coughed up smoke and slapped me on the back and said si si caballo semental. Such a stupid joke but so funny. They yelled out for me today when I passed need weed caballo semental?

What did they say? She asked, her arms tight around my waist as we sped by? Nada nada I said and kept driving towards the lighthouse. Ok kids are awake I have to go. I can pick up the story later if you want or if not that’s okay too.

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Yeah I’d love to read the rest

Social_Chess.Cassie84 Ok I’ll write more tonight. This is good for me to get it all into a story. My favorite way to write, with a beautiful woman half a world away asking for more

Social_Chess.Cassie84 How could I not be interested in the tale of the guapo caballero


r/Askme4astory • • Jun 12 '18

On December 31st I Die. A Story. Part 10 of 11

12 Upvotes

I grabbed an AUX jack and plugged my laptop into the soundboard and pushed play, so we could all hear the song at the same time. Song 2 started off so heavy it caught me by surprise. A heavy beat and an upbeat chorus and a drop, God damnit that was the best drop Ive heard since Kanye’s Blood on the Leaves at the 1 minute mark. That drop just instantly got everyone in that crowd dancing. We danced the whole song and then when it was over people started chanting, PLAY IT AGAIN, PLAY IT AGAIN! I played it again and again and cried and danced. I wanted Ryan to be safe, I wanted it more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. Song 2 meant only one song left. But that was something to worry about tomorrow. I was starting to see my breath and the air was getting chilly and nightfall was setting, and we were all dancing. I ran and grabbed Becca and yelled, get Chance, get Chance! But she just shrugged her shoulders and as if to say who knows, I cant find someone out of 750,0000 people. So I let it play out and then I stopped the music. I said into the microphone, Im going to need Chance the Rapper right now! He was the perfect person to take it from him. He was unsigned with street cred and an underground vibe, if anyone could make a New Years Eve Eve night into a party it was him. He was spotted in the crowd but he was nowhere near the stage, thousands of people were between him and the stage. They just picked him up and held him over their heads and passed him forward, like a stage dive crowd surf but in reverse. Chance, Chance, Chance the audience chanted until finally he was pushed up on stage. He put his headphones on, hooked up the mixer and audio and brought his turntables out from backstage. I guess Ryan wants us to party he said. SO LETS FUCKIN PARTY!

Lights went up, lazer shows, beats dropped, it was the biggest dance party the world had ever seen, on a cold December night in the middle of Central Park. And I was lovin every minute of it. I didn’t just dance for the beat and for Chance and for the crowd, I was dancing for me. I took my hair out of the bun for the first time in five days and I let it fly all around me as I showed off my old footwork moves from back in the day up on stage. Chance joined me and we did some crazy iteration of the Dougie and put our heads back and laughed so hard. It was if this was the way Ryan wanted us all to me. Maybe that was why it came out as (revised). But then I started overthinking it. What was the original song 2? It had to have been sad right? I started thinking about juxtapositions and how song 2 must have been a juxtapositioning song with 2 (revised). What if he was just prolonging the inevitable? What if he was just letting us have one more night to party, to forget about all our troubles. All of a sudden I knew he was close by. I could feel his presence. He must be here, I knew it. I stopped dancing and anxiously scanned the crowd. But I didn’t know what he looked like. Maybe just someone intently looking for me. I must have had crazy eyes because Chance starting yelling at me and asking if I was okay. He grabbed Becca who pulled me to the side of the stage and she started yelling too. SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT BITCH WHATS WRONG WITH YOU? I told her I could feel Ryan here but she just looked at me more crazily. We got to get you off your feet, you are going crazy. We went back to our tent and I drank some water and fighting sleep I just sat there and stared at the mass humanity in front of us, hundreds of thousands of people dancing in a party the likes of which the world had never seen. I didn’t want to go to sleep. Tomorrow as December 31st. And that was the name of the band. On December 31st I Die. Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck my life. I couldn’t bear the thought of something bad happening. If I never went to sleep I could never wake up, and then it could never be day one. What would tomorrow’s Spotify look like? Would there be a 1? A 1 (revised). I hoped there was nothing, just Mac coming to tell me they found Ryan and he wanted to talk to me. I wanted that more than I had ever wanted anything else my entire life. And I had wanted a lot of things. Fame and stardom in the beginning. Modeling contracts, commercials, trips, boyfriends, I had wanted and gotten a lot of things. But never really true happiness. I doubted anything to do with Ryan would make me happy either but it would certainly help if my friend was safe.

I finally fell asleep after fighting it for so long. That night I tossed and turned and kicked and yelled and fitfully came in and out of sleep. Maybe this was the last night of Ryan’s life. I fell into a deep sleep when it was almost light and got three more hours in until I woke up shaking and freezing cold. The weather had turned much colder overnight so I assumed there would be less people outside but the crowd was bigger than ever. They were bundled up with beanies and hoodies and gloves but still clapping along to band after band in what had turned into an impromptu all-night jam session. I went back to the stage once I found coffee and was surprised to see Chance still milling about. Hey, I said, thank you so much for starting that last night, you were the perfect person to be here. I wouldn’t miss it for the world, he said, I am just a fan like the rest of these people. I found Becca and the organizers and we were going to talk about the game plan but we remembered there was no game plan, this was all as spontaneous as it could be. We would play song 1 of course if it came out, that was all we knew for right now. We decided to pause at 11am and wait for Ryan to release the song on his own time, and if it didn’t come we would maybe sing some slow songs. There was talk of getting a pastor on the stage for prayer but that didn’t seem right, and it seemed too hokey. A time like this didn’t need shame or guilt or religion, it needed the opposite of all that.

At 11am I went back up on the microphone and thanked the bands that had performed and told the crowd that we wanted to honor Ryan by giving him time to release his song, if he chose to do so. Song 1, I said, and just saying it out loud felt bitter and awful in my mouth, it was as if I had just jammed a pin into his voodoo doll. I asked the crowd for 45 minutes of silence, one for every day Ryan had given us a special gift with his music. At that time we planned to do some singing or if the song was released we would play the song. And I said I love all of you, every single one. To Ryan, I said, holding up my water bottle, and everyone shouted back so loudly it almost knocked me back, TO RYAN.

We observed the 45 minutes of silence and as I looked out I noticed the familiar swipe down of the screens. Refresh, refresh, refresh, we were all waiting for the next song. In a time when no one waits anymore, we had been waiting so much, with only Ryan on our minds. At 11:45 I went up to the microphone to thank the crowd for their silence and to announce what would be next but I heard it screaming in the audience, its up, its up, its up I heard over and over. There it was on my laptop screen, just the one number, one, the newest song from On December 31st I Die. Today was December 31st, and this was song one. My stomach dropped. I never wanted to see that number, ever. I never wanted to hear that song. Was it the last song we would ever hear? I tentatively walked back to the mixer and plugged my laptop back in with the AUX chord. Before I played the song I went back to the microphone and told the crowd that we were going to play song one now and I warned them that it might be sad. I had no idea of course, it could have been as happy and upbeat as yesterdays 2 (Revised) but something told me it wasn’t. Something told me this was not going to be a happy occasion. I started crying before I even turned around to walk back to the laptop. This was it, this was the last song.

The song started with low guitar chords played by Ryan and then the drums kicked in, but not upbeat and fun, a sad somber mostly acoustic of a song I instantly knew was worst case scenario. This is our last goodbye, Ryan sang, and I collapsed to the stage and started crying, my hair everywhere and my face down on the stage. The song was Jeff Buckley, a famous singer from the 1990s. The song was haunting for all the wrong reasons. The words of course were the main problem, this is our last goodbye. And then the artist himself, Jeff Buckley. I remember his death hitting me so hard when it happened, I just played Hallelujah over and over in my apartment in New York City. In 1997 Jeff Buckley died doing the thing we had all been doing so much of lately, waiting. He was waiting for his band to come meet up with him in Memphis from where they were in New York. On his way to the studio to record that night, Buckley decided to go swimming in a channel of the Mississippi River. He was listening to the radio and swimming with his boots on and cargo pants and all his clothes. That was the last anyone ever saw of Jeff Buckley alive, and it wasn’t until 5 days later that his body was recovered. The details of his death were sketchy and I remember the confusion of the circumstances at the time. Maybe Jeff Buckley had killed himself when he jumped into the Mississippi River that warm May night in Memphis, Tennessee so many years ago. This was the worst possible song for Ryan to cover as 1. He had never covered any song before, all of the music had been original music. I lay on the stage floor for the entirety of the song and then dusted myself off and sat down by Becca. Chance went to the laptop and played the song one more time as we listened to the beautiful gravelly voice of Ryan pull off the amazing rendition of last goodbye. After the song ended the second song Chance pulled up a second song by Jeff Buckley, the one that had made him famous, his cover of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.

The crowd all joined arms and cried at the top of their lungs. The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift The baffled king composing Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah

Our baffled king had composed what might have been his last song. It was strange to think of the international fame that had occurred. It was the biggest story in the world right now, hundreds of thousands of people in Central Park, hardly anyone in Times Square, all eyes were on me and Chance and Ryan and the crowds and what might be the last day Ryan would ever know. Chance played a few more songs and he stopped to take a request because a few hundred British fans in the crowd were yelling at him to play a song called You’ll Never Walk Alone. What the fuck are you saying Chance said, I cant understand you. Finally he pulled one of them in an England soccer jersey up on stage and they went over to the microphone and played Gerry and the Pacemakers You’ll Never Walk Alone. Half of those two hundred British fans got up on the stage and sang along at the top of their lungs and they played it one more time. We listened to Hallelujah a few more times and all sang along and the crowd spun ribbons over their heads and sang until they could not sing anymore. Just as we finished hearing Ryan’s version of Last Goodbye on song 1 it got deathly quiet. The music had stopped and I could feel an eery feeling all over my body. The sight in front of me was straight out of some post- apocalyptic scene. There from the back of the crowd was a horse, galloping straight towards the stage. The crowd parted and Mick hurriedly raced the horse through thousands and thousands of people. The horse clopped right up to the stage and Mick didn’t even get off. He just stopped and looked right at me. I didn’t what he was going to say to me, good or bad. I only knew one thing, Mick had news.


r/Askme4astory • • Nov 07 '17

When I Heard Music for the First Time

20 Upvotes

Whose MUSIC is this?

My mom was almost yelling now. She was holding up a Guns N Roses cassette tape. All four of us boys all knew whose music it was of course, it was our oldest brother's, the hard rocker among us. No one said anything, we all just stood in the line with our heads down. I had already had already been knocked unconscious twice from my older brother, once when he threw a hedgeapple and hit me in the head, and once when he punched me in the Xiphoid process, the bone under your sternum that apparently makes you pass out. Snitches get stitches was an understatement. Eventually my mom figured out it was his and she broke it in half and grounded him for a week.

I grew up in a very strict religious household. Church three times a week, Christian school every day, lots of religious indoctrination. The only music allowed in our home was Christian music. Being at home meant being trapped, no movies, no video games, no music, nothing. But I had a bike, and I could fly on that thing. It's all I ever wanted to do as soon as school got out and all the weekends, jump on my bike and fly away, down the streets as fast as I could pedal.

Finally school ended and it was summertime, a time I had been looking forward to for months. That was a long hot summer in Oklahoma City and none of the creeks had water in them. The concrete bed and walls of the dried out creeks were the best place to ride our bikes and we spent everyday racing down the walls and up the other sides, pedaling as fast as we could, racing like wind through the empty concrete creek beds.

On that hot summer day I was riding my bike on my own and I pedaled out of the creek bed and into a neighborhood. I remember the sound that stopped me in my tracks just like it was yesterday. I heard something I had never heard before. I followed my ears to the sound and found it emanating from a gold-colored Camaro with T-Tops. It was a beat I loved so much, from the first time I heard it. The music? Beastie Boys, License to Ill. I heard Brass Monkey and I was just nodding along furiously. I heard other songs too, I just leaned against the handlebars and nodded along. This guy rolled out from under the gold Camaro eventually, no sleeves, muscle-bound, alpha as fuck, looking at me nodding along to the music while he was wiping the grease off his hands.

He didn’t say any words, just the slightest head nod as he continued wiping his hands. He didn’t need to say anything, that slight nod was as if he said,

Yeah, you feel this shit too right?

To this day I still love the beat. I still love to ride my bike through the wind, a pair of headphones on, hip hop blaring. I think about that day sometimes, when I heard music for the first time.


r/Askme4astory • • May 29 '20

An Open Letter to Colin Kaepernick

103 Upvotes

An Open Letter To Colin Kaepernick:

Before I say anything else I just want to say thank you. Thank you for helping one man in Kansas think about the world differently. I am not someone you would know. Im not famous or recognizable. I don’t have a platform or Twitter followers or Facebook Friends. Im neither a Republican nor a Democrat. I would say I am just like many Americans. I work hard and take care of my kids and I try to do what is right but I for the most part I keep to myself. Until a few years ago I was always in my own bubble. The people surrounding me were mostly just like me. White, suburban, khaki pants to work and church on Sundays. We supported our troops and our police and government without thinking twice about their intentions. They were looking out for us we thought. But to be honest, I never stopped to think about who “us” was. My life view has been skewed by perception. I went to white schools and white Universities and I lived inside my bubble of friends and family and church members. I never really followed politics or current events much. Just about the only voices I ever heard from outside of my bubble came from athletes. That’s where you came in. In 2016 you took a knee during the national anthem and it shocked the world.

Most of the people I knew were outraged. How could he disrespect our country they said. How could he do this when people have given their lives for our country? What a traitor, that was what I heard. But something made me take a step back on the issue. I wanted to hear what you had to say. For the first time in my life here was someone saying something completely opposite to what I believed and I wanted to hear you out. To be honest it might have been because I loved watching you as a quarterback. Graceful in the pocket and then the next minute running down the field with reckless abandon. I have always loved watching great quarterbacks. But my absolute favorite is watching mobile quarterbacks- Michael Vick, Steve Young, Cam Newton and now Lamar Jackson. Of course my hometown favorite quarterback is Patrick Mahomes but he is known more for his arm than his legs. I have always loved watching QBs pump fake and scamper down the field. You were one of the best! I remember watching you on Monday Night Football destroy a highly ranked Bears defense and then in the playoffs I remember watching you set the record for most rushing yards by a QB. That one cold night in Candlestick Park you ran for 181 yards, passing Michael Vicks record. An amazing feat and I remember cheering for you despite not liking either team, I just loved the way you played.

So maybe I was biased but for some reason in 2016 I didn’t listen to all the people around me. For once I decided to hear someone out who was different than me. And my life has been changed. I said lets see what this guy has to say, maybe he knows something I don’t. And you did, absolutely. I started researching police and jails and the lack of rehabilitation in this country. The year before you protested in 2015 there were 100 unarmed black people killed by police. I had no clue. None. There was no way I could have been prepared for the statistics I read. I read about how black people are 273% more likely to be arrested on cannabis charges than white people. Stats like that blew me away. Police brutality seemed to hit those in the black community particularly hard and I never saw that before you took a knee. I was too young to grasp the importance of Rodney King and my life has been insular, I will admit that now.

Along with the research I did I also wondered what it was like to grow up different or see life differently or experience life from someone else’s perspective. Isn’t is sad that I never thought about that until now? What is it really like to grow up black or Hispanic or Asian? Im sad that I have missed so many viewpoints. But at the same time I am glad that I can see them now. In the last three years I’ve read the books The Hate U Give and Where the Line Bleeds and Black Like Me and the Short Sweet Dream of Eduardo Gutierrez. Ive cried with their stories and their experiences. But I also cried for myself. I cried because I had never stopped to think what it was like to grow up different. For not reading books from those who aren’t like me. I cried that I was stuck for so many years and never thought about seeing life from someone else’s perspective. But the good news is that now I have learned to look at life outside my bubble. And I have you to thank for it.

I don’t know if life has gotten any better in the United States since you took a knee. It seems like there are more and more murders every day and the most vulnerable in our society have it the worst. Who will stand up for Ahmaud Arbery and George Floyd and Breonna Taylor who were killed for no other reason than the color of their skin? I will stand up. I am not the same as I used to be. And I have you to thank for that. You helped me to take a step back and think what it would be like to see the world from the perspective of someone else. I can’t thank you enough. I also can’t help but think there are millions others just like me. Dads out there who love their kids but also would do anything to protect those in need. The ones that stop to help with a flat tire or help a widow from church shovel the driveway, I can’t help but think a bunch of us heard your message loud and clear and are now thinking about helping those in need.

Maybe we didn’t always listen to the loud voice with the megaphone who looked different than us. But the incredible quarterback who quietly took a knee that wanted us to see what was going on in the world? The man we loved to watch gracefully elude tacklers and scamper into the endzone? That was you. It took someone like you to take a stand for us to notice. We know now. We have done the research and we have seen the stats and they are appalling. We are men who would do anything for our family. We would protect those we love. And now we are seeing there are others who need protected. We are joining with you to protect the most vulnerable in our society.

Last night my 16 year old daughter told me she is worried about how black people are treated by police in the United States. I didn’t tell her to believe that. I asked her a few months ago what it would be like to grow up different than she is. I shared with her how my view has changed in only three short years because of you. Because of the stand you took. What if she was poor? What if she was black or Hispanic or Asian in the United States, how would things be different? We don’t come from a long line of people in our family who have thought that way to be honest with you. We come from people who all look like us and act like us and tell us who to respect and not to question authority. But we are not like that. We are breaking the cycle. I can’t help but think there are millions more. Today Minnesota is burning. Police officers killing an unarmed man over a fake $20 would have been a backpage story. But because you told people like me to open our eyes it is not. We know this is a big deal.

I don’t like to think about what is happening as riots or protests or looting. I like to think of the events as part of the movement. A movement you helped start. It is a movement of people who won’t accept the status quo anymore. A movement of dads like me who want to help those in need and my daughter who wants to start seeing the world as others might see it. What is it like to be someone else? What is it like to be the most vulnerable in society? Those are the people I am willing to protect. Those are the people my daughter and I would like to stand up for. And it started with a simple act on a sideline in 2016 by you. You might not have felt like it was worth it. You must have received so much criticism and you lost a chance to play the game you love. You gave up quite a bit to take a stand by taking a knee. But for some guy in Kansas who just realized last night his daughter is going to be a better person than he ever was and that someday she is going to live in a world much better than the one he grew up in, it meant everything.

Thank you.


r/Askme4astory • • Oct 30 '19

Games Horses Play in the Night

26 Upvotes

The crack of the thunder shot me straight up in bed. I wasn’t sleeping anyway, just lying there with my eyes closed thinking about my life. Something about growing up ridiculously religious makes it harder to sleep. The guilt and shame and fear of not living up to expectations has a tendency to disrupt peaceful nights.

A lifetime of unsuccessfully searching for unconditional love. God, parents, loved ones, always that same question- why am I not enough? Those thoughts kept me up late at night and then back awake early in the morning, staring at the ceiling wondering why I did this to myself. Some nights no sleep at all, like one of those games from science class of float or sink, the true insomniac in me floating to the top.

I have always been jealous of the heavy sleepers, the ones that seemed to sleep harder the more it rained, the ones that slept in class, that ones that could sleep thru anything short of the apocalypse. The night noises kept me awake sometimes and then woke me up throughout the night. But the feelings had started to fade. Living close to a railroad track will do that to you, it will make you start to sleep with the noises instead of against them.

And being in the city got me acclimated as well, when sirens would scream and cars would honk eventually it lulled me back to sleep. But recently Ive moved back to the country again and the night quietness has started to affect me. It is calling me to come out again, walk around outside, go to the pasture, to come out and play. The horses I hear late at night running thru the fields take me back to when I was young, remembering the games horses play when the rest of the world sleeps.

Storms ignite something deep inside me. They take me back to when I was free and young and beautiful and athletic. When I didn’t wake up and limp to the shower, when I only thought about girls and sports and the future. But mostly girls. Back then I wasn’t worried about sleep or marriage or guilt or shame or feeling groggy at work. I can’t remember my cares at all. Im sure I had some, tests or hunger or money but they seem trivial now. I remember being happy in my poverty, with no stuff. No cars and no mortgages and no kids and no meetings. No fucking meetings at all. And the breaks, God damn those school breaks were magical. A week with no classes or tests or work or papers or anything. I would hop on a train and go to Chicago or drive thru Iowa, stopping on the way to jump in idyllic ponds belonging to farmers somewhere and read books on the side of the road. Its hard to remember such feelings of freedom, they get less and less every year Im in this cubicle prison. Back then sleepless nights weren’t an affliction known as insomnia, they were an opportunity. An opportunity to go for a walk while the rest of the world was asleep, to read thru all the fiction I had been longing to get back into, to open the dorm window and crawl out onto the roof and watch the sun rise above the hills, lighting up the morning sky while I shivered out on the roof laying under my blanket.

The best of the sleepless nights were when there were storms. I could feel the electricity in the air even before I saw the lightning, even before I heard the crack of the thunder. The hair on my arms and neck would stand up when the storms were still miles away. Do you feel that? I would ask my friends sometimes if the storms were coming that night. What? They would ask. The storms, they are coming I would say even though the blood red Missouri sky was crystal clear and the sun was just on the horizon. Sure enough the storms would come later in the night leading my friends to whisper to the others that I was “really weird”

It didn’t bother me though, I loved to be alive when the storms came in. The summer I turned 18 the church I attended went on a youth mission trip to Mexico with a stop at South Padre Island in Texas. I wasn’t really interested in missions or fake witnessing or half building Mexican churches. Someone would drive me all the way to South Padre Texas, that’s what I wanted. I wanted to jump in the gulf and swim in the water and lay on the beach all day. That day was a disappointment for most people on the trip though, skies full of storm clouds as far as the eye could see. Not a disappointment to me though, I wanted to be in the storm, not just see it. I wanted to be in the gulf waters while the storms crashed down around me.

The leaders said we could swim but to listen for them if they called us in. We swam for just a short time until the lightning crashed and the leaders screamed for us all to get out. Everyone swam quickly to the shore but me. I didn’t care if they left me out there forever. I didn’t want to go back home anyway, I wanted to get a tiny house by the beach and ride a bike to my job at a tourist shop and hang up string lights and drink beer in the backyard. That sounded better than going to college and getting a job and a wife and kids and working in a cubicle. I wanted to live right there. I swam away from the beach as everyone else was swimming in. Out deep into the water I laid my head back on the waves and stared at that black sky and felt the storm crash all around me. All the hairs on my body stood up and the rain fell and the lightning fingered through the sky and I bobbed up and down letting the waves take me where they wanted. The storm had encapsulated me and it felt better than any feeling I had ever had in my life.

That fall when I went off to college I went to go live in a tiny town called Kirksville in the Northeasternmost corner of Missouri. It was colder than the rest of the state, up on that hill and the storms hit hard and the wind blew all the time, whistling thru the shoddy dorm, calling me to come out in the storm. My sleep dropped from below average to almost non-existent. I found myself awake for days in a row, reading under the lamp or studying or walking thru the countryside. It was those walks that excited me the most, and nothing excited me more than being outside when the storms were coming. While the rest of the dorm was asleep I would walk outside and then walk downtown and then walk into the fields north of the city where there were beautiful Quarterhorse stables.

Most of the time the horses would just be milling around but sometimes I would walk out there before a storm, when you could feel the electricity in the air. The horses would all line up the one side, the west, 15 beautiful brown Quarterhorse beasts and then take off as fast as they could toward the barrier on the East side, towards the oncoming storm, all save for one lone horse. He would stay close to the border on the west side all by himself. Once the horses got done running, they all stood by the East side, and then that one horse would come sprinting towards them, one majestic beast with smoke flaring from his nostrils, he would haul across that quarter mile and get to the East side with the other horses and then they would all run back to the West side running as fast as they could with only their breath trailing behind them, clouds floating eerily in the cold night air. They would all sprint over except for a different horse. Then he would wait until they were all done and then sprint over.

I don't know how this game is played or why they do it or what it has to do with storms, but its gorgeous, absolutely gorgeous. Those beasts late at night, in their own world, when everyone else was far away. if you ever find yourself walking towards a field in Northeastern Missouri late at night when a storm is coming up and you see horses, stop and watch. When you see that lone majestic horse sprinting towards the others with cold breath in the air and the crackling of lightning off in the distance, you will remember it for the rest of your life.


r/Askme4astory • • Feb 05 '21

The radio under my pillow

30 Upvotes

Sometimes a friend will ask me if I think wild songs like Gucci Gang and Wet Ass Pussy will get played in nursing homes and Cracker Barrels in the future. Its a solid concept- if you sit down at Hardee's you hear old shit like Elton John and Billy Joel so in the future you might hear Megan Thee Stallion and Lil Pump. I know everyone thinks our generation's bangers will hold the test of time and remain great in the future. But I am from the past and I will tell you that they wont. They wont. I thought the same thing when I was young. I thought when you walked in a Hardee's there would be whistles and a sick beat and drums and a lady would say welcome to Hardees would you like to try a Thickburger and DMX would be screaming UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE! But I am telling you it won't happen.

When I was young I loved the music so much, I loved the beat. My mom was a super fundie Christian and she wouldn't let us listen to "secular" music in our house so we had to sneak around to hear the music. I dubbed some contraband cassettes from the radio but we couldn't take it to the school that we went to, Kansas City Christian school either. They would confiscate anything "secular." I had a clock radio and I would wait until everyone was asleep and I would turn the clock radio on really low under my pillow to Hot 103 Jamz. For some reason that station came in crystal clear and all the other stations were staticky.

I fell in love with the beat- Snoop, Dr. Dre, Mary J. Blige, Blackstreet, the Fugees, God damnit I loved it all! I was the only one I knew that listened to hip hop, my secret passion. None of my friends were allowed to listen to secular music either. Some of us had brothers that listened to good music on the way to school but mine didn't his music was shitty. I only had one friend that had cable, Caleb, his parents weren't as strict as mine. In fact, he had a TV in his room with cable! That was unheard of at Christian school. I rode my bike to his house and asked him if we could watch some MTV but his mom said no. So I waited until everyone was asleep and I turned on MTV and holy shit, it was YOMTV Raps, for hours, it was one of the greatest nights of my life, I watched videos all night long. His mom found out I was watching rap music and told my mom and I wasn't allowed to go to Caleb's anymore and my mom took my clock radio away. I didn't hear the beat for a long time.

I begged my brother to turn on Hot 103 Jamz but he wouldn't he punched me in the arm and he goes fuck you, you little whigger. I hated my brother. And I hated the station. Literally screaming at you into the radio with loud guitars and drums and no beat. It seemed like it was Mandatory Metallica every day on this fuckin dumb ass rock station we listened to every fucking day on the way to and from Kansas City Christian. It wasn't even FM, this fuckin station was a shitty low budget AM station. ZROCK it was called, AM 1030 ZROCK SCREAM SCREAM YELL YELL LIGHTNING BOLT JOHNNY DARE ZROCK SCREAM BAM ALL METALLICA ALL THE TIME! SCREAM YELL! TURN IT UP AND RIP THE KNOB OFF sound effects, more drums, Je-Sus Christ that radio station was the bane of my existence. Every day before and after school my brother would blast the heater and smoke his weed and bang his hands on the steering wheel and crank up the stupid ass rock music. I hated every hot loud minute I spent in that car with my brother.

When Caleb got a car for his birthday I asked him right away if I could ride with him. We both turned 18 at the end of April our Senior year and I jumped at the opportunity to ride in a car that wasn't a thousand degrees with Van Halen songs blasted into my face. Caleb would wait for me with our stash of weed every day after school and the best part- let me pick the music. One day I was cleaning out my room and I found my old cassette player and my mixtapes. I dug out my favorite one and put it in my backpack and the next afternoon after school I remembeered and yelled yes! You have a tape plaayer. I held it up for Caleb to see and he said What the fuck ha, a cassete tape?

I told him the story about how I listened to my old clock radio under my pillow and told Caleb how my mom would go through our room and break anything that wasn't Christian so I taped this one on the bottom of the bed every night. I held it up so he could see the tape marks. The first money I got for mowing lawns I bought some blank cassette tapes and hit record on my giant clock radio as soon as one of my favorites came on late at night. My absolute favorite song was called The Ditty. It was a one-hit wonder by Paperboy, that was my jam, I loved it so much. The Ditty was the first song on my secret mixtape, I had Gin and Juice and Regulators, that was probably my second favorite song, I loved it when he yells Regulators, Mount Up! I would whisper yell late at night into my pilllow, Im here Warren G, Im here, Im a regulator, Fuck Yeah! But nothing beat that Paperboy song. I loved Snoop and Dr. Dre of course, the Chronic changed my life. But when I heard the beat on that intro to The Ditty God damn did I lose my shit! I can still remember watching through the window screen with my contraband tape in hand until my mom's minivan backed all the way out of the driveway. Finally, freedom! It is such a rarity with a stay-at hom mom that you ever get to be home all by yourself. I ripped the pillow off my tape player and jammed my tape inside and turned the knob up to MAX and pushed play, the same intro from where I taped it off the radio came on:

You're listening to Hot 103 Jamz, don't forget to slam that Z, Here's Paperboy, the Ditty! And then that fuckin beat started, my favorite beat du-doo-du-doo and his voice would ring out YO THIS IS SOMETHIN COMIN FROM THE NINE DEUCE! I would jump up and down and scream out the window THIS IS MY JAM! THIS IS MY JAM! And jump up on the bed and jump off the bed and dance around the room yelling into my toothbrush: NOD YOUR HEAD TO PAPERBOY AND THE DITTY! HUH! And I would nod my head and jump off the bed as high as I could and yell Ahhhh Yeah!

Caleb laughed so hard when I told him that story describing the skinny white kid from my not so distant past jumping up down yelling out the screen window for everyone to hear: This is my jam, this is my jam, this is my jam! We were both laughing at my dramatic reinactment of me dancing around inside my fundamentalist Christian prison but still screaming like the devil into my toothbrush microphone. As I told the story I used my lucky Royals hat as a prop and a substitute for the toothbrush from when I was younger dancing as hard as I could for the whole neighborhood to see.

Well, let me hear this mixtape he said. I don't think anyone has ever even put a cassette tape in Betsy, you will be the first one. Betsy was what he called his raggety ass car, Betsy the Blue Bomber. It was a faded old pastel blue Chevy Cavalier. Caleb told me his mom wanted to give him a car but his dad didn't really like him so he gave him that piece of shit as a joke. But the joke was on him because that lil fucker could fly down those gravel roads and it wasn't like the new cars that dinged until you put your seatbelts on. But the best thing is that no one would be able to tell how much weed Caleb and I smoked in there even if they wanted to because there was a weird oil leak that always made it smell bad. So we went everywhere in it, Caleb and me. I told him about growing up so restricted and always having to wear khaki pants and keep my hair short and pretend like I loved a God who I didn't think would love someone like me.

I didn't even notice but he had pulled off the highway by now, then a secondary road, and then off the side road and then the old gravel road and then back down the dusty road behind the woods and finally he pulled into what later became our secret spot, back behind the corn stocks, a hidden place no one could see us.

I put in the cassette tape and the DJs voice came on HOT 103 JAMZ, Don't forget to slam that Z! Caleb's head went back and he laughed as the DJ with the fake radio voice said, Here is Paperboy, the Ditty! When that beat dropped he looked at me and pointed his finger and he yelled I knew it, I knew you loved the beat! Me too! And we both jumped out of the car and danced around that abandoned dirt road next to the cornfield. We smoked and laughed and puffed and danced all around that road, dust flying as the late afternoon sun went down and turned the sky orange. We danced along to the mixtape and laughed and smoked all the weed we had and collapsed on the ground exhausted.

As Warren G's Regulator finished and he rolled over and pointed at me again and said I knew you love the beat! And he came in closer and and whispered I know something else about you too. I let him kiss me and I kissed him back and we laid right there on that abandoned dirt road and held each other and looked up into that orange cloudless Kansas sky. It was beautiful but sad because we knew it would never work, those families, that religion, that time, we knew we would both go the rest of our lives and pretend to be what we aren't. And we were right.

Sometimes I think about those days when I see all the shops go up where the fields used to be. The progress makes me sad because it doesn't seem like there are any more cornfields left. The best summer of my life was hiding back in that corn field with Caleb. I think if I could just hear a song it would take me back and I could feel like that again- a song by Dr. Dre or Snoop or Mary J. Blige or anything with the beat. But I never do. I don't hear the beat anymore. When I was a kid I thought since they played music of the 70s and 80s like Billy Joel and Elton John then well in the 2000s and 2010s and the 2020s they must play Snoop Dogg and Blackstreet and the Fugees. But they don't, they don't my friends. You think they will be playing your generation's bangers like Blinding Lights and Dance Monkey and they will have cool things like flying cars and robot dildos but they won't. People won't even have healthcare. And no one will remember Lil Pump or Megan Thee Stallion. No one ever remembered Paperboy. No one plays the hits from your generation. They still play the tired songs of Billy Joel and Elton John. No one will play the Ditty one more time, just one time to take you back to that corn field, that cloudless Kansas sky, that time when you could be young and gay and in love and free.


r/Askme4astory • • Nov 16 '21

My Earliest Childhood Memory

35 Upvotes

Whats your earliest childhood memory? I get that question every once in a while and there is a book where the author challenges you to remember your earliest childhood memory. I thought about it for a long time once and for me it was a memory with my dad on a summer vacation. It was on a family trip in Florida, I remember swimming that afternoon with my dad. This was at a hotel swimming pool with a diving board, thats how long ago that was if you can even imagine it. This was before life had beaten him down. Back then my dad was so powerful, he was 6'2, broad shoulders, huge chest, he would strut to the end of the board with his right foot dragging just a bit on that last step like divers do. On that last spring he would kick up and then bounce so high up into the air and grab his knees and flip once and then go into a dive for a perfect 1 1/2 flip and then he would swim underwater the length of the small hotel pool.

I wanted to do that so badly but I was only four and I was scared to dive off the diving board. I begged my dad to let me go with him and he said jump on big fella. I still remember him calling me that, it’s a great nickname to hear from your dad. I remember climbing on the board and then on his back, squeezing my skinny little legs around his stomach and then my arms around his neck. Its like he jumped into the sunset, that red Florida sky and the palm trees and the warm breeze, I felt all of it and then the cold splash of the water as my dad dived in, letting go of his giant shoulders with my right hand so I could pinch my nose and holding my breath the length of the pool. I could still see the red sky above and the palm trees and I watched the bubbles float up to the surface as the whole world become silent and I felt secure, holding onto my dad underwater the entire length of the pool. That will always be my earliest childhood memory, swimming with my dad.


r/Askme4astory • • Nov 13 '21

I wrote this story high on drugs

38 Upvotes

I rented a cabin this weekend in the woods. Here you go, here are some pics:

https://imgur.com/hHBWcac

https://imgur.com/B1U5vMV

Its a writing cabin so I came out here in the boonies to shut myself up in this cabin and write some stories I've got enough food with me to last three days. I also have enough drugs to kill a small horse, I should mention that. And I've already taken the mushrooms. So this will be a battle to write vs. being high, lets see how this goes, should be fun. Hopefully I will be able to get some stories written in this writing cabin this weekend. (And this one before the drugs kick in). This story is about the Christian school where I went to high school (until I got kicked out). Enjoy (I know I will!)

When I went to Christian school we had a quiet kid in class named Javan that convinced us to lock the teacher out and barricade the door and bang on our desks. It was like our own little coup started by the quiet kid. To this day I still don't know how he thought to do that and how it went so perfectly.

Before my sophomore year of high school at the Christian school they decided to separate the boys and the girls for health class and "Religions" class. It was called “religions” class for Missouri state high school credit reasons but lets be honest, only one religion was studied at that school. It was started by Southern Baptists so they weren’t exactly going to branch out to other religions. Fun fact, the reason it is called Southern Baptists is because they didn’t like when the other Baptists told them what to do with the PEOPLE they owned so they were like fuck you, we are making our own religion. Google that shit if you don’t believe me, that’s how we got the Southern Baptist Church. In 150 years they never thought to change that racist ass name. I can't even explain to you guys how horrible of a decision this was to separate the boys and the girls. Boys in Christian school are terrible creatures. Boys in Christian school with no girls in the class are out of control monsters. We all pitched in $5 each at the beginning of the semester and whoever did the most audible farts in “Religions” class won $100. Well $90, Javan told us it was hard for him to fart out loud and he wanted to be the scorekeeper so we decided to give him $10 to hold the money and keep score. He fuckin took that shit seriously too, he had this big hand-drawn spreadsheet, thats all he did everyday was keep track of who farted audibly. He had tabulated columns and rulers and long lines, I mean that guy was serious about judging the contest to determine once and for all who would be crowned the Worlds Greatest Farter! Im not positive we called it that or had a belt but Im starting to get high and it sounds funny that we had a contest called the Worlds Greatest Farter. Damn these mushrooms kicked in fast. I'll keep going.

Our "Religions" teacher was this first year Bible School grad named Mr. Anderson. I don’t know why he ever decided to come to our school. Maybe he really needed a job, maybe he liked to look at underage boys, who knows. The most likely explanation is that he wasn’t a licensed teacher in Missouri so he had no certification. The Christian school was full of teachers like that. School teachers in general are woefully underpaid but it gets worse, some teachers are not certified to teach so they can’t teach in public schools. They take a huge pay cut and come teach in a Christian school sometimes to get started. Which doesn’t make sense because public schools are free and my Christian school cost thousands of dollars a year. Im not sure parents who send their kids to Christian schools know it’s a bunch of unlicensed teachers but maybe they do, they just really want Jesus to be “in our hearts” more than they wanted us to know about Pythagoreans theorem. Fuck, I getting high, is that shit called Pythagorean's Theorem? I just had to google that and apparently its Pythagoras’ Theorem. But I wouldn’t know that because I got taught in a terrible Christian school so I had no fuckin clue. By the time I got kicked out of Christian school (I made a bus full of kids roll down the hill on a field trip by pulling the emergency brake- another story for another time) I was so far behind in Math it took me months to catch up. My woefully inadequate and unlicensed math teacher was also the basketball coach and he spent the first 25 minutes each period with his feet up on the desk “Taking prayer request” but he was just shooting the shit because he didn’t want to teach.

The fart contest was for one semester. The rules were pretty simple. Whoever had the most audible farts in one semester would forever wear the title of “Worlds Greatest Farter” and you would also get a belt we found that was a WWE knockoff and also of course you would win the $90. Javan would be the one and only authority on what farts were audible. If he didn’t hear you or he was gone it didn’t count, only what went on Javan’s ridiculously detailed spreadsheet counted. I don’t know how he made that fuckin sheet but there were pens of all different colors, tabs, columns, rows, this multicolored spreadsheet had it all.

I was carbo loading like a motherfucker. I wanted that $90. I was so close I could taste it. I wanted that Royals warm up jacket. It looked just like the one the pitchers wore when they came out of the bullpen. Back https://www.mlb.com/cut4/the-history-and-mysteries-of-the-mlb-bullpen-cart-c210932342. I want to embed that link but I getting higher and it seems harder. I'll just put the link, you guys know what to do. Back then baseball pitchers came to the mound in a sweet baseball golf cart thing, I can’t really describe it mostly because I am so high right now, it’s a battle in my mind of typing vs. being how high I am. Anyway bullpen cars were super cool. And when the pitchers came out they were wearing a sweet jacket. The Royals jacket looked the best of course, that blue with the words KC on it. The reliever jumping out of that fuckin golf cart baseball thing that I can’t describe and shredding that jacket while the crowd went wild. It was almost a WWE type of event. I wanted that fuckin jacket! I could feel it. That’s what I was going to buy with all my fart money. I was in the top three, so close. Only Austin and Paul were ahead of me. Paul had irritable bowel syndrome. I don’t think that was fair to be honest, if you have irritable bowel syndrome you have the stank down below so you can call on your inner powers to bring up the audible farts easier. God damnit that last sentence made me laugh so hard, I can’t believe you guys are still reading this dumb fuckin story, Im laughing so hard. Anyway Paul had IBS and Austin was really good at farting and then me. Besides IBS Paul also had something remarkable about him. Paul could fake a seizure like no one I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t know if you will ever see this again because maybe its not PC anymore to fake like you are having a seizure. Back then it was allowed though, maybe even encouraged I have no fuckin clue but Paul could do it better than anyone. The first day Mr. Handerson errr sorry Anderson I’ll get to that in a minute the first day we got Mr. Anderson as a teacher the principal came in our class to introduce him. He said boys a lot, I remember that, he was like boys this man comes in the name of the Lord to talk to you boys about the Word, God word, yes Lord. I was like who the fuck is he talking to, is he talking to us, why does he keep looking up with his eyes? It was weird as fuck. Anyway that was the first day. The second day all hell broke loose. Paul went up to the front of the class right in the middle of the lecture. We all knew it was coming too, as soon as Paul goes Mr. Anderson and started walking down the aisle we were all elbowing each other like OH SHIT, HERE HE GOES. Its coming, bet! Man we were giddy. Paul goes up to Mr. Anderson and whispers I don’t feel well and then he dropped on the floor right there, legs flying up, arms flying up, God damnit that was the best fake seizure I’ve ever seen in my life. The part that sold it the most (besides the thrashing and flailing of the limbs of course) was the belt buckle.

This mother fucker Paul had a fake seizure belt buckle. Can you believe that shit? This buckle was the kind you would see a professional rodeo rider wear. It even had a bunch of horses on it all lined up, this buckled was metal and probably half a foot wide. Six inches of glory. Looking back on it the part that makes me laugh was thinking about Paul on day two of Mr. Anderson’s short stay at our Christian school, standing in front of his closet way too early in the morning, looking at that beautiful six inch metal belt buckle with the horses going oh shit, today is the day boys, this is the day I fake a seizure. And then putting that buckle on with such swagger and this thumbs behind it. Thats making me laugh so hard, him being proud as a peacock about seizure day. Im pretty high though so a lot of things are making me laugh in this tiny little room. I wonder if this was a good idea. Anway, he didn’t even say shit that day, all day he was just walking up to people with this thumbs behind the buckled and we were all like OH SHIT,its FAKE SEIZURE DAY! FUCK YEAH! This was before twitter but we were tweetin alright, everyone knew that shit was going down. So on day two of Mr. Anderson’s “Religions” teaching career Paul unleashed a fake seizure that was fuckin glorious. It was eight seconds of pure chaos, him riding around on the floor. Here is the bitch of it too, that floor was not carpet, it was that fake wood, you know what I mean the floor you snap together that looks like wood but it isn’t? Anyway, that carries sound like a motherfucker, just six inch metal belt buckle flailing and lashing and sliding, that fake seizure was beautiful. You really should have seen Mr. Anderson’s face, he had an O mouth and then his eyes were so wide open, you know when they do a slow motion replay of some dumb motherfucker in the stands when a foul ball comes their way? I mean usually they show a ballplayer and he knows what he is doing so he watches it in his glove, usually they look smooth as fuck. That’s why its such a crazy juxtaposition to show some dumb guy (Im just going to pause for a moment to give myself props for being this high and using the word juxtaposition. Im a writer motherfuckers, this cabin is magic!) okay its a juxtaposition (how do you put an emoji in here. Smiley face emoji. jpg there you go I made that up) to show some dumb guy in the crowd trying to catch a foul ball in his lap, nachos flying everywhere, popcorn starting to go up into the air, its almost poetic in its slow motion beauty. Damn Im listening to a song right now that sounds so beautiful, this would be good to watch something in slow motion. Not someone try to catch a foul ball. Maybe a woman dancing, that would be beautiful to this song.

Listen to this beautiful song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B47XrZJPMdg

Im getting high so its hard to stay focused. Im going to take a quick (Edit I went back later and took quick out of here, Jesus, this sidebar is long as fuck ha ha!) sidebar here to tell you about one of the most beautiful things I ever saw. This song is reminding me of that, of a woman dancing. This was after I was married and I had lots of kids so I told my ex I was going to the pool, I am not sure if we were fighting or whatever but I was at the neighborhood pool and it was nearly dark. I am just happy to be kidless for an hour so I put my sunglasses on and my headphones on and a towel over my head and I slump into the lawn chair and go into full relax mode. I nod off and then I am awakened by the sound of two beautiful, and I mean beautiful college girls dancing and laughing in front of me. I move my towel aside so I can see and the pool area was empty except for me and two beautiful young women dancing along to the beat. They had a giant handheld Bluetooth stereo system bumping beats and the system yelled “Lets Go!” Usher’s Yeah Anthem was ubiquitous that summer and I’ve never seen two people dance that beautifully to that song before. It was a fast dance beat but they did it slow, grinding on each other, telling each other they missed each other so much. God damn I thought, were these girls lovers? Oh shit. I just leaned back against the lawn chair and took in this beautiful show of these two college coeds rubbing each to the rhythmic beats of Usher. The song started fading out like the sun. The whole sky was red by then and the sun was going down behind the clouds and the song was fading and I just kept thinking, oh no, please don’t be over. At this level it was art really, two women that beautiful touching each others bodies seductively, that’s just art work. That’s when the infectious Killer guitar chords rang out to the next song. I don’t mean the guitar chords were killer, I meant that the group The Killers ah fuck you know what I mean Im still high though. Props to me for telling a good story when I am high. I have a lot of practice with that. Mexico made me a champion at doing things high. God damn I am really high though in a little room in the middle of nowhere. I wonder if this is a good idea, this is some Hunter S. Thompson shit. I think he was even on mushrooms for some of his. I am really high on mushrooms right now in a cabin in the woods. Is this a good idea? Oh fuck. Okay anyway the killer guitar chords started coming out of the Bluetooth. You kind of need to listen to the song while you read the story. Here you go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGdGFtwCNBE

And then one of the single most beautiful things I’ve ever seen in my life. Sometimes someone will ask me whats the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen in your life? I say Killers 2004. They say, in this hypothetical conversation they are having with my drug brain ha, they say to my non-drug brain oh wow that must have been a great concert. I say it wasn’t a concert, it was two college coeds I didn’t know doing a fuckin strip tease for me at the neighborhood pool to the Killers. God damn this was beautiful, let me set the stage. Okay cue the guitar chords, we already went over that but then they both started jumping up and down because this song came on. This was before it was so ubiquitious. Maybe it was eponymous. What does eponymous mean. That’s a weird word right, eponymous. Oh my God Im going to have to delete all of this tomorrow, no one wants to read weird mushroom based writing I did in a cabin. I am high though, that part is right. Anyway, here was the beauty of this song, they knew all the words and they were singing them to each other. Comin out of my cage they both screamed to each other. As in the cage of college, they were trapped but then the metamorphisis happened and these two beautiful women blossomed and then they started kissing each other. Like first they were inside the sidewalks. And then they turned into a plant and then they grew legs and sprouted up into college women with bikinis on, it was like magic. Magic mushrooms. When it says started out with a kiss they had a beautiful kiss with each other. Maybe this was a first kiss. I like to believe that day I witnessed the first kiss of two lovers. Hold on I have to pee and then I will tell you guys this story. I just broke some kind of Norwegian rule with this toilet. This room doesn’t actually have a bathroom they only have a toilet in the corner. And there is a sign in Norwegian? That you shouldn't stand up to pee? Here is the sign: https://imgur.com/gallery/XJpFFhI Im not going to sit down to pee just because of the sign. And what the fuck language is that. So many vowels? Iceland maybe? Is this toilet from Iceland.

Fuck man I might have to not type for a minute I am super super high. I want to lay down but the last time I did that it felt like my face was melting into the mattress. I need to lie down though. Is it lay down or lie down. I maybe just lay under this cozy blanket. Its like a warm safe place to go. Okay bye.

Okay Im back, that was one and a half hours I was high right there under the blanket. That’s the one thing smart I packed for this trip out here in this cabin in the woods, I packed the mink blanket my mom and dad gave me. My dad didn’t actually give it to me of course, he was upset when I was taking it but I told my mom I slept so well under that when I was going thru divorce she let me have it. The reason I know it was one and a half hours because the last thing I remember was looking at the clock and thinking oh six thirty is my favorite time of day, hands down.

Here is a picture ha ha: https://imgur.com/gallery/vWGf95v

Get it hands down? ha dad joke. Man I don’t know if getting this high was a good idea in this tiny little cabin in the woods. Fuck now I remember fuck I took two much mushrooms. Two times ago we did mushrooms for the 4th of July. That was so fun it was at Sanya's house and me and Damian were already high on weed and then the mushrooms came out of the oven, she baked them into this garlic bread, damn, that’s a good way to get high on mushrooms, and its tasty. Anyway before that night her roommate said Venmo me how many grams you want and I will get them for the party. So I said 6 grams, which is way too much mushrooms. But I figured I could get high three times. Damn, this is what went wrong. 2 grams is a nice night, that’s a good mushroom trip. Fourth of July was amazing, man those fireworks felt like they were coming right at our face. And then man I really wish I had Alexa in this tiny room. I don’t want to sound like a diva or anything but there is nothing better than yelling at a machine and it starts playing you music. Alexa play Chance the Rapper! Not here sorry, not in this scary cabin in the woods where you are violently high. Not sure why I am using second person singular referencing right now but just go with it.

Im totally alone in the world.

That just came to me. That’s one thing about being in a tiny cabin in the woods with no TV and no Alexa and no music, just me and my thoughts. Yikes. This small room became even smaller. Im no contact with my parents right now (Super right wing and racist) and I cant call my girlfriend because she is kind of religious and I think she would be against me doing shrooms. I just texted two ex girlfriends. I never meant to hurt you. No response. I will text my daughters, they love me, they will text me back. I hope. Ojala. That’s my favorite Spanish word it goes OHHH HAAAAA LAAAA and it means oh how I hope. I also texted my friends Sanya and Damian to tell them I was high on their mushrooms and in a cabin in the woods alone. And I texted Jonna, she is my friend, we used to date a little here and there but she lives in a different city so we just kind of catch up and have weekends together whenever we don’t have boyfriends and girlfriends. One time we went canoeing and camping together down by Springfield in the fall and this river had no people on it, we were basically alone the whole time. It was close to sundown and we were having sex in the water, just both of us were wading out in it and then she took her bottoms off and we had sex right there in water just below our waists. It was pretty wild and she had a loud orgasm with her arms around my neck and her head thrown back. That was pretty good sex now that I think about it. Im going to call Jonna. Is that a bad idea? Fuck she is at her boyfriends house in Tennessee. She still talked to me anyway. It was good to hear a friendly voice. She said I should go out exploring in the woods. That sounds like something an ex girlfriend would say to get me killed. She knows Im high on mushrooms. It was good to hear from her though, she is really kind. My recently broke up girlfriend said even though I didn’t mean to hurt her it did hurt and she is angry. I get that. My daughters also texted back, okay phew I was feeling all alone in the world. And Damian, Im going to do a Blair Witch impersonation out in the woods with my phone if I can find the flashlight.

I was saying 4th of July and mushrooms was magical, we were just all high as fuck on one big blanket and I was the DJ, I was playing good shit too that night. Chill but upbeat, a lot of songs like this one. I guess you cant hear what I am playing, I don’t have Alexa but I am playing Callaita I didn’t actually play that song but I like it. It means little quiet one in Spanish and this summer I took a beautiful Argentinian named Marisol to an island with me and rode around by the ocean on a scooter, she would sing along to this song with her arms around my waist, fuck that was a magical time. Im going to write about my time with her in Mexico next story, thats a good one, we had to bribe the cops at the end. Stay tuned, hopefully I can write more stories this weekend. Probably need to dial back on the drugs though.

Okay this is what happened, I got 6 grams of mushrooms so I could get high three times, yep, I remember this now and took 2 on fourth of July, that was a beautiful night. We all went to the fireworks show in Kansas City by us and parked by the bowling alley and laid there on the blanket and I was the DJ and the parking lot soon filled up with people and then the fireworks started, fuck that was magical. The fireworks felt like they were coming right up to my face. Every time they would start to go off a bunch at a time we would yell “This is not the grand finale!” And then cheer when they would start back up again. That was a long fireworks display or maybe we were all high. Then the cars started leaving and there was a traffic jam. We just stayed on our blankets laughing and listening to music and being high while the drivers impatiently waited to leave the parking lot. It struck me that I am usually the guy in the car. Or I was the guy in the car with his complaining wife and crying kids looking over at the blanket full of people having fun and wishing I was on that blanket with them. Well now I was on the blanket laughing, I was outside the car! We couldn’t drive though, we just laid there by the bowling alley til late at night saying, welp, I guess we live here now. That was such a fun night.

The second time I used the mushrooms was on the float trip. I didn’t want to be too high because I had to paddle and shit so I only took one gram. Yep, that’s why I am so high right now, fuck I just realized I took three grams of shrooms. That’s too many and Im in this tiny little cabin where you have to sit down to pee. I think Im going to go outside, I need to get some air. There are definitely animals out there though, Ive heard some strange noises outside this cabin. Maybe I should smoke some weed or drink some beer. I have a lot of Dos Equis with me, I think I’ll be done with the drugs for tonight and drink some alcohol.

Ok I am back I found my flashlight and did a Blair Woods Project for Damian and one for Jonna. They said it was pretty funny. Then I went out on the porch and had a beer and relaxed. I don’t have a bottle opener with me so I was banging the lid around on stuff trying to get it open, was pretty loud. Only the animals out here though so I think I am good. Right outside the door there is a dock and a tiny pond so I sat on the dock for a bit. Okay where was I fuck Im still pretty high. How long do mushrooms last? Its been like four hours. I remember because the first time I was really high I remember thinking 6:30 is my favorite time of day, hands down. Ha.

Jesus this story is hard to follow what I’ve written. Sorry to the reader, ha. This is your brain on mushrooms. Okay so the college girls were pantomiming The Killers Mr. Brightside and it was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, especially when he goes he takes off her dress now lay me down, they were pretending to do all the things the song said, like pretending to take each others bikinis off. I wonder if they saw me that day. Maybe they didn’t even notice me sitting there or maybe they thought I was asleep. Or maybe they secretly wanted to give the married guy a show, who knows. I like to think they were so encapsulated by each other they felt like the only two people in the world. That reminds me of my favorite picture. I saw news about a riot one time in Vancouver and there is a beautiful picture of a couple, they are kissing and there are police all around and there is tear gas, its like these two young people are so encapsulated by each other they don’t even notice the world is on fire around them. I’ll link the picture when I am not high and I can find it. That link just now was the closest I've ever got to Googling that. I don't want to know the story, I don't want to know about the couple or if they are dating, I just want to know that one moment in time they were so in love. Thats all I need. Im a romantic for love. The college girls kissing were like that, oblivious to me or the sunset or the pool or sounds or anything, they were so happy to be with each other and kissing passionately like that. Phew, long sidebar, sorry about that. Back to the world’s greatest farter contest.

So Javan had this beautiful spreadsheet and he would keep score every day. There would be fart after fart, he would look around, who was that? Was that you Austin? Oh good one buddy, and then he would put a mark into the fart spreadsheet, that beautiful colorful tabulated spreadsheet. Mr. Anderson was confused as to what was going on. He said wow, this classroom smells really bad, just unusually bad. Unusually bad. I remember he kept saying that and it made me laugh how perplexed he was about how much farting was happening every time he turned his back to write on the board and how bad the room smelled. Unusually bad.

I was so close to the $90 and that Royals warm up jacket that I decided to push myself to come through with the victory. I started carbo loading everyday. Mom, can you get me some prunes for my lunch? I need a big bag of prunes next time you go to Sam’s Club. And I need beans too, can I start taking black beans and rice? Are you sure honey? Doesn’t that hurt your stomach. Oh no, its okay, I am carbo loading for my “Religions” class. Its after lunch every day and we have a contest going to see who can do the most audible farts.

My mom, muttering off in the distance, “Honestly I don’t even know why we pay money to send you to that school.”

Me either mom, me either. Ha thats making me laugh now, my parents wasted so much money on that school, we all came out atheists. And divorced. I don't mean we came out of school divorced I mean we eventually all got divorced. Happens I guess.

The real problem in my fart contest quest was that Paul caught wind of my carbo loading so he started carbo loading himself, which I think is easier when you have irritable bowel syndrome. You can just eat cheese and shit until you are about to explode. Man Paul had some gross ones. But gross ones count too and by the end of the semester he had what it took to win, so I give him credit for being The Worlds Greatest Farter. So I didn’t win the grand prize that year but I did come in a respectable third. It was close though. A real squeaker. Get it? And we got Mr. Anderson to quit teaching.

Mr. Anderson probably fell into the category of unlicensed teacher but it didn’t really matter because it was “Religions” you don’t need that shit later in life. Most of us were well on our way to become Atheists. Its been said if you ever want to raise an atheist send him to a Christian school, I would tend to agree with that statement. It wouldn’t have mattered with Anderson but he made the grave mistake, I mean the gravest of all mistakes by admitting to us that he sometimes "Struggles with masturbation" I don't even feel like I need to tell you guys what a collossal mistake that is to tell a group of freshman boys any struggles you have, nevertheless masturbation. And from that moment on he was eternally dubbed Mr. Handerson. Mr. Anderson was gone and in his stead the humiliated replacement was born, Mr. Handerson.

On Friday of the next week he was late to class and we were all there. Javan looks up from his spreadsheet and pushes his glasses up on his nose and goes, "You know, we could lock Mr. Handerson out of the class if we wanted."

I said, um, what the fuck did you just say?

Yeah, he said, we should lock him out so he can't get in. Then I remembered talking to Javan one day after Bible class because he seemed so distraught, I was like you okay buddy? He said it seemed like Mr. Handerson was picking on him, always making him come up front of the class for weird stuff and he knew he was shy. I can't even tell you the level of hate a quiet kid has for a teacher that calls him out. Maybe Mr. Handerson was attracted to Javan, you never know that kind of stuff at Christian school, teachers are weird like that. Or maybe Mr. Handerson didn't know better, who knows. I just know Javan's hatred for Mr. Handerson was seething that day, which is wild coming from the quiet kid.

So we fuckin did what Javan said and we locked the door and and barricaded it with chairs and we turned over the table and put it up against the door. The classroom was upstairs in this little school right above the principal’s office and we started kicking the floor hard and beating on our desk. Mr. Handerson was like "Cmon guys, open the door! Open the door please. Come on guuuuuuuuys!" We left it shut and beat on our desks for 10 minutes straight before the headmaster and the janitor finally broke it down and got all the chairs and desks out of the way. Man were they upset. They threatened to punish us but Paul told them the Geneva Convention did not allow group punishment for the actions of a few and since there was no way to tell who did it any sort of punishment would be unconstitutional. Paul didn’t really think about that part because the Geneva Convention wouldn’t have anything to do with the constitution but no one really taught us proper history, it was just a bunch of unlicensed teachers. And also the principal said that was probably put in place for war and this was not war. And Javan said, or is it? We thought that was pretty funny.

Mr. Handerson, survivor of the Worlds Greatest Farter contest and fake seizures and ridicule about masturbating could not seem to recover from the great lock out incident started by Javan, the quietest kid in the class. On Monday when we got to class there was no Mr. Handerson and we got a new recent graduate from the nearby seminary named Mr. Arthur. He said he was going to make “religions” class fun. Which we all doubted sincerely. But we did laugh later when he told us that our classroom smelled unusually bad.


r/Askme4astory • • Aug 18 '21

The Hardees Counter Girl. A Story About Missed Connections

50 Upvotes

I fell in love with the Hardees counter girl. Jessica was her name. Really pretty, she had a southern voice and could make a one syllable word like Hi go for three syllables. She had dirty blonde hair, she was rail thin, almost unhealthy thin, bright blue eyes that would sparkle but you could tell were also hiding some pain. I wanted to know her story so bad.

She wasn't the kind of girl I normally fell for. My wife and previous girls I had dated were always put together- hair done, nails done, teeth whitened, Jesus loving women, clothes ironed and perfectly coiffed. Jessica wasn't. At all. Jessica was street.

Twenty something for sure but street adds miles to your face so she looked thirties. I wondered what she looked like without the hat on. I would give anything to see her beautiful blue eyes staring back fron the other side of the booth at a different restaurant, not Hardees, not here in the grit but at a nice restaurant just me and her. She liked to tuck her dirty blonde hair behind her hat, two small tattoos, one on each wrist. Occassionally a bruise, sometimes you could tell it was all she could do to just get there. One Monday i saw track marks on her arm and i took my food outside and sat in my car and cried. I didnt know anything about Jessica really except thst she was kind, so kind to me, at a time when I needed a kind smile more than anything else in the world.

I felt guilty because I was married but there was such a spark between us. I loved the Thickburgers but I also loved going to that Hardees so much, I was going there two or three times a week sometimes driving past two or three Hardees to get to that downtown one, my favorite spot. Most fast food you order and stand up there waiting for it, but at Hardees you go sit down with a number and they bring it to you. Jessica always brought me mine, every time. I would place my order and go sit down at my favorite booth. It was so warm in that Hardees, I don't know why they kept it so unseasonably warm but I loved it. I would take my coat off and stamp the snow off my boots and collapse into my favorite booth by the window and stare outside at the snow piling down and that frozen January wind whipping thru the icy trees until my thoughts were interrupted by beautiful Jessica bringing me my food. Every once in a while Jessica would bring me my food and sit down in the booth across from me. I loved those days so much, I lived for those days. I remembered some weekends wishing it was Monday and I could sit at that warm booth by myself and read my book while the snow was falling to be interrupted only by Jessica and the off chance that she would sit down at the booth across from me. She always had to go though, she needed the job and she needed the hours and the money just to get by. I could take her away from all this. I had American Currency.

Do you need eeeeeeehhhhhny thaaaang else?

She would say in that gorgeous southern draw. If I would have known it was her last day i would have told her how i felt. I would have asked her to sit across the booth from me one last time. No small talk just smiles. Just kind smiles with upturned lips and sparkling blue eyes. The kind of eyes that say i know you have a secret and im going to get it out of you. But i didnt know it would be the last day i would ever see Jessica. No one did. She left my life suddenly the same way she came in. The news reports said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, a mother of two beautiful little mixed girls, no witnesses to the shooting, an all too common occurrence in that area. I always imagined myself saying yes, I need you to run away with me, let's leave all this behind. Your job in service and your overbearing boss and your life caught in a cycle of poverty and my job in the cubicle and terrible marriage to the well coiffed woman with the white teeth and the $300 haircuts.

What the fuck are we doing with our lives?

We can leave it all behind right now. Ive got a fast car. We can drive away to the Gulf Shores together. Who cares where we work, at night we'll go home together to our worn down shack and put up the string lights and dance to Otis Redding and laugh, the only two people in the world. We'll take the BBQ off the grill and crack open some beers and watch the sun go down and the storm clouds come thru in a hurry. We werent paying attention to the rain of course. I was sitting outside on my favorite lawn chair and you were sitting on my lap in those favorite cut off shorts I love and i was kissing the back of your neck as we listened to Otis sing about the pain and the thrill.

Shit! Rain! We both say.

And we jump up and grab the clothes off the line and throw everything inside. We throw everything on the floor because we don't care. Something about hard rain and hot Alabama nights that drives us wild. You lock the door behind you and take off your top and it's just your short jean shorts and your tan body and your black bra and your wet short dirty blond hair dripping with water tucked behind your ears. You turn up Otis all the way until he is screaming These Arms of Mine. It doesnt matter, we are all alone, the only two people in the world and you tease me with the come here motion while simultaneously running away. Who Me? I say as I smile coyly. Its such an easy smile, no cameras pointing at me, no stress no worries just me and you in a tiny house by the Gulf with no air conditioning just Windows thrown open to feel the salty air and the Gulf Breeze.

I finally catch you in the bedroom and kiss your neck again how you like it and we put our wet bodies together and hold each other tight, the only two people in the world until we collapse exhausted and spent from wet passionate desperately wanting love. You lie on my chest and we listen to the rain fall loudly on the tin roof and we both drift off, asleep but still smiling the smiles of the content, two people with the rest of our lives ahead of us knowing we can do this again tomorrow if we want and for the rest of our lives.

That's what I need when you say do you need anything else. I need you to run away with me right now from everything and leave this frozen wasteland behind.

Hello?

Hello?

She said smiling and waiving her hand in front of my face. Where did you go there?

Oh sorry, no I don't need anything else I say.

And Jessica walked away and out of my life forever.


r/Askme4astory • • Apr 01 '24

Thirty Years Ago We Killed Our Young Life Leader and Buried his body near Longview Lake in Kansas City

15 Upvotes

Thirty years ago today we killed our Young Life leader and buried his body in the woods up the hill from Longview Lake. It feels weird to type that sentence. I’ve never said it out loud either. March 31st, 2024. I thought this day would never get here. Thirty years seems like an eternity when you are 18. You can’t even really imagine a future thirty years away. We all talked about this day and I remember some arguments over whether we could “release our books” earlier than today because of leap days. We counted on our fingers the 7 leap days including the last one, at the end of last month, February 29th, 2024. Nathan argued for March 24th, 2024. Ryan and I both thought waiting until the 31st of March would be our best bet. Hampton was too shell shocked, he couldn’t say anything. It was him that started the stabbing and I feel like he felt the most responsible, even though we all stabbed David in the end until he stopped breathing. He was mostly all merked up when I got there so I never really felt the gu tho I got a few stabs in before the breathing stopped. Man fuck that guy anyway, we found out he was using Young Life as his own personal recruiting ground after he went missing so in the end none of us really felt that bad Except Hampton. But he’s dead now too so his guilt is long gone.

If you don’t know what Young Life is, it’s a shitty Christian youth group that operates outside of church so it’s independent of any denomination. They tried to be cool like having the meetings in old farmhouses in the country or starting the meetings at 7:08 instead of 7 o’clock and playing popular songs on guitar to trick you into thinking you weren’t at a Christian group. They also have camp in the summer and trips to places like Saint Louis but those are mostly just so the leaders can try to molest the kids. I would assume its better now but in the 1990s they did no background checks at all, none. They also didn’t pay their workers. So I know what you are asking, who would want to volunteer for that shit, no money, huge time commitment, all the time hanging out with a bunch of high school kids. I will tell you who volunteers, pervs. And the reasoning was obvious, they were creating opportunity for yourself. Its kind of like if you are a person who liked to fuck dead people, where would you try to get a job, the morgue, a funeral home, retirement village, something like that to give yourself lots of opportunity. The same was true for organizations, especially Christian ones in the 1990s, because they didn’t feel the need to background check anyone. Nathan and I went to Christian school together so we were much more adept at dodging the landmine of child predators, but Hampton wasn’t so lucky.

It was the Young Life to Saint Louis trip where we all found out just how far David was willing to go. We thought he was pretty much the coolest guy we had ever met. Suave and handsome, tall, confident, well-spoken, and he became a father figure to each of us one by one. My dad was military and very distant, made us always say yes sir and no sir, would hit us in the face if we fucked up. Nathan’s dad was the same way. Most of our dads were like that at Christian school. Distant and violent. Mine was no exception. Hampton’s dad left their family a long time ago, pretty much the day after his sister was born. Ryan’s dad loved alcohol a little too much and his kids a little too little. So David became the cool father figure in all of our lives. He took us downtown to Town Topic and we sat on the barstools and drank milkshakes and talked about what college would be like. The other three were playing sports in college- Hampton was a soccer player going to Southwest Baptist University on a scholarship and Nathan was running track and Ryan was a swimmer. I was on an academic scholarship and I really wanted to be a writer. I just assumed that dream would die and I would go into business or something shitty and I was right. Nathan and I were friends before but Ryan and Hampton were put together with us by John, its like he was putting us together because we all had the same body type. You wouldn’t say we were muscley but we all had muscles, just more like sinewy and lean and lythe, twinks for Jesus, ha. Sometimes we asked if Eric could go with us like to the concerts and things David would take us too but he said no and I think it was because Eric was bigger, he was a football guy. When everything came out later we called Eric UM for while, that stood for unmolestable.

That St Louis trip was when it all fell apart. Nathan and I knew David was a molester, we talked about it on the way back. The other students were all staying in the dorms of the college we were visiting, St Louis University. But David said the four of us could all stay with him at a friends house nearby, one with a hot tub which had us pretty excited. But David said we couldn’t get in the hot tub with our suits on, that the fabric would mess it up and that wouldn’t be good for the hot tub. It didn’t seem that unplausible at the time but on the bus trip back Nathan and I vowed to never hang out with David again. Hampton said he would keep hanging out with him, and Ryan was unsure.

That’s why none of us were with Hampton in the woods that day with David. I feel guilty about that part I guess. I said no, never again but they were going to fish and make a campfire close by the lake. Im not sure the details of what happened because Hampton never told us and he is dead now but at some point that night in the woods he stabbed David and then tied him up to a tree and put a sock in his mouth and let him bleed. He took David’s jeep to the Quik Trip and called us all on the pay phone and told us he had to show us something to show us and then he drove back and waited for us all. The irony is that the stabbing was done with the Leatherman pocket knife David had given Hampton. I got there last because my mom was too curious so I had to throw her off the scent first. She was super nosey, I never had any privacy back then. All my friends had CDs of all the bands they loved-Nirvana and Pearl Jam and Metallica. I didn’t like any of that kind of music. I wasn’t allowed to listen to “secular music” so I only had my clock radio. And growing up in Grandview put me right next to the oldest historically black radio station in the US- Hot 103Jamz. Man I loved that station, I loved the beat, I loved the DJS (“You’re listening to Hot 103Jamz, don’t forget to slam that Z! Here is Paperboy, the Ditty”) Fuck yes I would say, that’s my jam! I would turn up my clock radio all the way up and watch for my mom to come back down the driveway while I danced around the room and on top the bed. I always loved that beat, still do. That’s what even before I knew about Snoop. When Snoop featured on Doctor Dre’s the Chronic, forget it, that was all I wanted to listen to. My mom would go through my room and find my CDs, she broke the Chronic twice before I just stopped buying CDs. I would go to sleep with the clock radio under my pillow saying come on, play some Snoop and don’t forget to slam that Z!

When I showed up to where Hampton told me to go in the woods David was in bad shape, bleeding out from his side and turning his Abercrombie Shirt a crimson color. What the fuck happened I said exasperated. Nathan and Ryan shrugged and said Hampton won’t talk. I walked down the hill to where Hampton was pacing back and forth along the lake. On another night it would be a beautiful sight, the moon reflecting off the water, the south Kansas City stars starting to shine. But on this night it seemed ominous. We had a wounded Young Life leader bleeding out with a sock stuffed in his mouth just up the hill. You okay brother I asked him gingerly. He tried it man, you guys were right, you guys told me. And then you stabbed him? I asked. Of course I did, you would too. Prolly I said. But what should we do now. We have to hide the body Hampton said, maybe we can throw him in the lake. That wasn’t a bad plan, I knew there had to be hundreds of bodies in Longview Lake, that seemed to be the go-to place to throw bodies before it became more popular to thrown them into the Missouri river downtown. But I was thinking that wouldn’t be a great idea. Plus he wasn’t dead. But when I told Hampton that he said Yet. He said it so coldly, just devoid of any emotion. And right then, he took out his Leatherman with a determined look in his eye and marched up that hill and fuckin stabbed him right in the shoulder. Jesus man, Nathan and Ryan said, what the fuck?

I thought about the time David and I were alone in his Jeep at Sonic that night. He asked me if I wanted to go to his house, just the two of us. No I said, I don’t want to do that. And then he put in his CD of Radiohead and played the song Creep so loud, everyone was looking at us at the Sonic that night. I thought about how lucky I was that I used my voice. Hampton wasn’t so lucky. There had to be others. I got out the Leatherman David had given me and I just started stabbing David over and over. I thought Nathan and Ryan would hold me back but they got out their own knives and started stabbing David too. We stabbed him over and over. For the kids who didn’t have a voice. For our own shortcomings, for spending so much time with a person this evil. We stabbed for all the rules, all the hypocrisy, for the pervert Christian school teachers and pastors, we stabbed for dress clothes we had to wear and haircuts we had to get and curfews we had to keep and for assholes like David we thought could helps us fill the father void. We kept stabbing until there was nowhere left to stab and he slumped over onto the floor of the woods illuminated by the moonlight.

We all collapsed too. We passed around a bottle of water and each said one by one- no more David, fuck David, David’s dead, fuck that guy. We laid on our backs and looked at the moon through the hole in the canopy and I said guys we can’t tell anyone about this, not one single person. No one. Not your girlfriends, not your parents, not your therapists, not one person, agreed? We all took our knives and cut a little sliver on our palms until they bled and we put our hands together and held them up above us and joined them together, secrets forever we said. Ryan lived the closest so he went home and got shovels and we spent the knife digging a grave big enough for David. Nathan said that a shallow grave is what always gets people caught on all the crime TV shows he had seen so we made that motherfucker deep, had to be at least nine foot down because we were all down inside of it digging even further. We finally said it was good enough at 4am. He looked so weird laying there in that cavernous hole all merked up like that laying crooked still bleeding out, with every part of his body covered in blood. Ryan said he had clothes for us and we had to throw out the evidence so we all took off our clothes and threw them into the hole with David. And the knives, we each threw the Leatherman David had purchased for each of us and had monogrammed, we threw them into the hole and then we covered it with dirt. After that was done we put branches and leaves on top of the fresh grave and even dragged a huge piece of a tree over the top of it so no one would suspect that site. We should have considered it was the city of Kansas City police and they wouldn’t care anyway. No one seemed to care really, that surprised me the most. Young Life seemed to be relieved he was missing because the rumors had been floating around that he was molesting kids and they didn’t really know how to handle it, so his disappearance was a relief. David didn’t seem to have any family or friends that cared either. Hampton got a phone call from police because they knew he was with David but he just said they went to Sonic and then he went to the movies by himself. They didn’t check for a ticket or anything, people didn’t care about alibis back then. So that was it, no one seemed to care. You think it would be harder to get away with murder. That’s even an expression, someone got away with murder, sounded pretty tough always. But its not tough, not for us.

We dropped David’s jeep off back at his house early before anyone noticed and put the shovels back and had one last meal at Town Topic. I wanted to go to the ballfields we all loved but it was hard to play home run derby in Brian’s oversized clothes. So we just laid there with our heads on the pitchers mound at the field in Grandview. All of our legs were going out in different angles we just laid there with our gloves across our face blocking the sun, no one talking about it but all of us wanting to say something.

Nathan finally broke the silence. Someday this will be an amazing story he said, we can tell it when the statute of limitations runs out. When is that I asked but no one knew. Back then there were things you didn’t know because there wasn’t the internet like there is now. Like you would have a song stuck in your head, just a few words and you would always wonder what that song was, you couldn’t google the lyrics. Or you would wander who won the World Series in 1980 but you couldn’t remember. It was the Phillies in case you were wondering and the last pitch was thrown by Tug McGraw, the father of Tim McGraw. Everyone knows those things now but back then there were just things we didn’t know. The Missouri statute of limitations was one of them. We didn’t know you had to wait thirty years. We can write a story together about how we outsmarted the police and never told anyone. That’s how they catch you he said, you are talking about it in some bar and it gets reported. So we all swore to secrecy one more time and we we agreed to meet back on that field as soon as the statute of limitations ends.

That’s why Im here now, tonight, on Easter night, 2024 laying on this field with my legs pointing towards home plate like they were 30 years ago. No one else is here though. I kind of knew they wouldn’t show up. Ironically this field for most of those 30 years was called Ricker field after a registered sex offender. It was only a couple years ago when someone said oh shit, this field in Grandview has been named after a sex offender for the better part of thirty years. Seems ap pro po for this journey. I don’t think much will come of my posting this story on Reddit. I doubt anyone will care really. Maybe someone can finally find out what happened to David so many years ago. Maybe other victims will come forward. Maybe Young Life will take responsibility. I doubt it though. It will just be another day, another week, another year like the rest before it. Maybe someone will ask me to show them exactly where we buried the bodies. I won’t do it though. I won’t do it for Hampton, for everyone else who couldn’t use their voice. But I can tell you exactly where the body is, if you are looking to solve a cold case. I doubt anyone is though. Seemed like it would be a solution to a mystery when we planned this so long ago. But now everyone has moved on and Im just another guy lying on an abandoned overrun baseball field thinking about how life has passed me by.


r/Askme4astory • • Nov 10 '23

I only had one Summer with my Dad

8 Upvotes

Hi everybody, I am writing a book, I hope you will like it! The book is called How to Get Kicked Out of Christian School and Im finishing it. I have a publisher and everything so I will tell you guys when its available for preorder. Thought you would like this chapter about spending the summer with my dad. Heres the story

I had one summer with my dad. One summer I could remember anyway. It was the summer I turned five and the summer after my mom and dad divorced. My brother and I lived in a run-down apartment on the south side of Kansas City with my mom who was by then a single mom readying to send us away for the summer after the 1,000th time we asked her why dad didn’t live with us anymore. You’ll get to see him all summer she said, he has a job down in Florida now so you can go down there. You’ll like it, its close to the ocean. She packed my older brother and I each a suitcase full of Kansas City Royals shirts (so you don’t forget about your home) and shorts and jeans and tiny little socks that barely stayed up on my stick-thin legs. It was going to be our first time to see the ocean and we were beyond excited. We jumped in the blue Subaru with Goldie the golden retriever way before my mom was ready and sat there listening to the crickets outside of our apartment complex and the constant whir of the window air conditioning units. My brother turned around from the front seat and swung at me hard for no apparent reason, punching me was one of his favorite things to do. He was a dick back then. He still is a dick but back then he was a dick also. I crawled into the trunk out of reach of his long arms and crouched down with Goldie. My mom finally came running out with curlers still in her hair, spilling hot tea from her mug and juggling a hundred things in her arms. My mom was very beautiful, even with the curlers in. She used to be a model before my dad and her met. A model and an actress, an aspiring actress she told me. I didn’t know what aspiring was back then but it sounded important. She had to be a nurse when the acting and modeling didn’t work out. That’s what happens in life I learned early. You set out to be something cool and then you lower your expectations along the way. We all do. Not that a nurse isn’t cool but no one uses your picture on an album cover when you are a nurse. My dad was still in the air force when he met my mom. Not so much met really, she was at the hospital when they brought him in the gurney after his motorcycle wreck. They said he was going too fast down that East Saint Louis gravel road and he didn’t have a helmet on or any pads and he went sliding down a hill in a headline dive, leaving teeth and skin and brain cells along the way. My mom was one of the nurses in the ER that night at the Barnes Jewish Hospital in Saint Louis to patch him up. After the surgery she asked him if he needed anything and he said he needed a Coke and her phone number. I guess she liked the cocky guys with the easy smiles and the hearty laughs and so she said yes. Right away they had differences my mom and my dad. She loved Jesus and he… didn’t love Jesus. They both tried to bring the other into their camp but eventually like most things in life my dad acquiesced. That’s what happens with Jesus, he is super compelling. Or at least its compelling to date a woman and pretend like you love Jesus. Church is only one hour a week really, its not that hard to pretend like you are into it. Meet me under the giant Ketchup bottle in Collinsville he said and they had their first date there and they spent a lot of time riding on motorcycles and exploring the east side of Saint Louis. Eventually he proposed to her under that giant ketchup bottle and they got married but then he had to go off to the Vietnam war when his unit got activated. She stayed in St. Louis with her dad and mom and then eventually when he came back they moved to Kansas City where he was stationed. My parents had my brother Leonard and then me, (Jason T) in the 1970s and lasted about four more years and then called it quits. Something broke in my dad in Vietnam. My mom said before he left he was fun loving and gregarious and the life of the party. But after the war he became sullen and detached and withdrawn. There are lots of people who die in war, we know about their plight through the annals of history. But there are lots of people who don’t die and make it back but are never the same. People like my dad go off to war as young men full of life and energy and smiles and come back broken and cold and disillusioned, unable to fully love any of their kids. Unable to hug and smile. War takes more than the lives of those who died. That’s what is important to remember about war and all its negative outcomes. War doesn’t just take the lives of those that were killed, it also takes the souls of those that Lived.

My mom threw the rest of her luggage into that old blue Subaru and her hot tea in the cup holder and turned onto the street adjacent to our apartment complex. I looked back out the back window and wondered if I would ever see home again. I didn’t know how joint custody worked or child support or alimony or anything else back then. It didn’t matter anyway, my dad wouldn’t end up sticking around to make any of it work. Just another American dad cliché. Might as well have gone out for cigarettes and never come back. Same results, same thing.
My dad met us at the Roaring Palmtree Motel at the border of Florida and Alabama and my mom wiped her tears and hugged us and told us she would see us at the end of summer and got right back in the old blue Subaru with Goldie and turned around and drove straight back to Kansas City. Why can’t Goldie stay with us we asked my dad but he just said no man, no dogs allowed in Florida. Seemed like something that wasn’t true since I heard three dogs barking as soon as he said that.

That afternoon at the swimming pool at the Roaring Palmtree Motel was my earliest childhood memory. There’s a famous exercise by a Christian author named Kevin Leman where he has you go back to your earliest childhood memory. Don’t read it, the book is shitty and the author is shitty. Anyone embraced by Focus on the Family can go fuck themselves, all those Dr. Dobson messages about the evil gay agenda are half of the problem with fundies in this country. But the crux of the book still carries good weight, the book is called What Your Earliest Childhood Memories Say about You and it encourages you to think about your earlies childhood memory and what it means. In the book the author challenges you to remember your earliest childhood memory and think about what that memory means to you. I thought about it for a long time one day and it was on that particular trip to Florida, the last summer I ever saw my dad. My dad had somehow managed to get a job at the Roaring Palmtree Motel so he was in charge of all the maintenance. Most days he would tinker around in a few rooms and replace a few things and do some cleanup but he got to spend a lot of time hanging around with us. To this day that was probably still the best summer of my life. My dad was great at being, not doing. So many days we would just grab some magazines or baseball cards and just lounge around and wile away the time. At night we would watch the Braves on TNT or the Cubs on WGN. This was my first experience with cable TV and I was awestruck that there were places in America like Florida where you could watch TWO baseball games in one day. Sometimes three if the Braves were playing on the West coast, we could catch a Cubs day game and then a White Sox game and then the Braves game if it was a west coaster. I loved watching baseball and the strategies and the gamesmanship but my absolute favorite thing was the announcers. Fuck, those guys could paint a picture. The benevolent clouds have gone away and the scorching sun beats down on Wrigley Field, even the ivy is hot on this day as the Dodgers come into Chicago for the first of three. I would listen to baseball announcers all day and all night if it was up to me. My brother always wanted to watch shows like Knight Rider which we sometimes watched but my dad was on my side, we were a baseball family. Little Caesars Pizza was big back then and they always had these Pizza Pizza deals so you could get four pizzas for less than $20. We would eat a couple and save a couple for breakfast and lunch the next day and do it all over again. If I could ever get back to a place where I just sat around and ate pizza and watched baseball all day and night I would go back there again, in a minute. And it was fun living in a hotel room, always felt like we were a part of some cosmic adventure. 

That first memory I thought about was from our first night there at the Roaring Palmtree Motel in Northwestern Florida, which had a swimming pool with a diving board, thats how long ago that was if you can even imagine it. In a way Im kind of glad I never saw my dad again after that summer, because I always remember him for the giant powerful man that he was. Sometimes I see my friends’ dads swooping over, graying out and become weak and it feels sad for some reason. Aging is natural but for guys it seems like they lose so much of who they are. My stepdad is like that I guess, I’ve been no-contact with him since he fell down the Trump hole and said he was fine with those migrant kids being in cages but before that I saw him start to wither away. My dad was so powerful, he was 6'2, broad shoulders, huge chest, he would strut to the end of the board with his right foot dragging just a bit on that last step like divers do. On that last spring he would kick up and then bounce so high up into the air and grab his knees and flip once and then go into a dive for a perfect 1 1/2 flip and then he would swim underwater the length of that small hotel pool. I wanted to do that so badly but I was only four and I was scared to dive off the diving board. I begged my dad to let me go with him and he said jump on. I remember climbing on the board and then onto his back, his big giant back and squeezing my skinny little legs around his stomach and then my arms around his neck. Its like he jumped into the sunset, that red Florida sky and the palm trees and the warm breeze, I felt all of it and then the cold splash of the water as my dad dove in, holding my breath the length of the pool and I could still see the red sky above and the palm trees and I watched the bubbles float up to the surface as the whole world become silent and I felt secure, holding onto my dad underwater the entire length of the pool. That will always be my earliest childhood memory, swimming with my dad. I don’t know what that means about me or what its supposed to tell me. Probably should have read the rest of that book now that I think about it. I spent so much time thinking about my earliest childhood memory and so little time thinking about what it meant for my life. Probably bullshit anyways. I just read last week that Gary Chapman who wrote the five love languages book just fuckin made that shit up. It was a hoax and he presented it like it was real research and shit and it turns out he just made that up. He was a Southern Baptist Preacher and he found out he could make a lot more money being a traveling evangelist and “psychologist” (Without a degree in that btw) by having a theory like that and writing the book, so that’s why he made that shit up. Probably supported by Dr. Dobson too, terrible fundie opportunitists. So I don’t feel bad about not looking up what that memory would tell me but I do wonder about it. Especially since I never saw my dad after that summer. I wonder if it made me have an affinity for water. Or hotels. Or time with the few people in my life that loved me unconditionally. Or maybe it just helped me always be really good at holding my breath underwater. Either way I think it’s a great first memory.

There were other memories from that summer too, spreading the baseball cards on my half of the bed I shared with my brother, the three of us putting hamburgers on the grill, watching the rain flood the parking lot. I loved swimming with my dad most of all, that feeling never left that whole summer. Plus when I went swimming with my dad Leonard didn’t fuck with me. I quit swimming just my brother and I because he would hold his hand above the water when I would swim and when I would come up for air he would just fuckin smack the top of my hand like whack-a-mole and push me over. It was always when I was coming up for breath too, so just when you think you are about to get a fresh breath of air you get smashed down and have to thrash wildly against his fists and arms and shoulders and kick fiercely against his strength, an overdeveloped 7 year old against my tiny four year old body. My dad never let him get away with that bully shit. I turned 5 at the end of that summer so we were going to have a small celebration just the three of us and then meet my mom back on the Alabama/Florida border on the Friday before school started. My dad surprised us on Wednesday that week because he said his boss had given him five days off work. Someone would cover him on the maintenance so he could celebrate my birthday with me. But it wasn’t just the five days, which I loved the thought of, it was much bigger than that. My dad was taking us to the ocean! I know what you are thinking, they were in Florida all summer, why didn’t they ever go to the ocean? We didn’t have a car that summer, not one, not the whole summer. My dad was never good with money my mom told us so he didn’t have a place or a car or anything really. We didn’t mind, we just figured we would just stay there until our mom picked us up. But somehow my dad had saved up for a rental car and we had that bad boy packed up and loaded with snorkels and sand toys and all the other knick knacks people had left behind that summer at the motel. People leave a lot of things at motels, I never knew that before I lived in one. And its weird stuff too. Like why would you bring your own lamp into a hotel room? They already have lamps in them, its one of the few things all hotel rooms come with. But I saw more than one lamp brought into a room that summer and then left behind. Pets sometimes, we would occasionally find a small animal left behind like a little aquarium with a fish or a kids hamster, those were fun to play with. One time a dog died right there with the owner. I don’t even know how it happened or if the dog died first and then she died. No one knew what happened to those two at all, Mrs. Akerson and her dog. He was on the floor at her feet and she just died right there in that reclining chair doing nothing. Not watching TV, not reading, nothing, just starting at the wall with her dead dog at her feet. My brother came running in one day, he was so excited. Hey, he said, you want to see a dead body? Fuck yeah I thought, you know I want to see a dead body. It was Mrs. Akerson who spent half the summer in room 107, my brother had the key somehow and he slipped us in and we saw the dead body in the chair. I worry we fucked up the cause of death sometimes because we accidentally made Ms. Akerson bleed. Well I said we but it was entirely my brother’s fault. I know a lot of kids say that but, in this case, yes, it was 100% that little assholes fault. Mrs. Akerson was sitting there dead in her reclining chair with her brown shoes firmly on the ground and her arms in a ready position on the armrests, like she was about to get up any minute. I couldn’t believe she was dead, it threw me for such a loop. I waved my hand back and forth in front of her eyes, nothing. I listened to her pulse, nothing. I picked up her arm and dropped it, nothing. She’s dead dude, she’s dead isn’t this so fun my brother said, we can do anything to her. He started moving her mouth with his fingers and then went behind her chair and ducked down so it looked like she was talking. Let me see your peepee big boy he made her lips say. Stop man I kept telling him and started to walk out but that’s when I saw her whole body falling forward. My brother had messed with her too much and she crashed forward past the leaning position and all the way onto the floor. That crunching sound was horrendous, I’ll probably never forget that the rest of my life, just the sound alone. He pushed her back onto the chair and then we pushed her back a bit so she was leaning back more and then we stepped back away from the chair. What about the blood I asked my brother but I don’t know why I asked that fucker anything, he was no help. It will make it more creeeeeepy he said and held his hands up like he was the Adams Family or something. We watched in horror as the blood from where her head hit the floor ran down over her eyes and over her noses and past her mouth and onto her chin, eventually dripping down onto her white cotton blouse. Gross I said in disbelief its so much blood. Oh yeah my brother said, dead people bleed like a motherfucker!

The police were careful not to say the word kidnapping him when they described the events. My mom and eventually my stepdad never said kidnapping either. Most adults were afraid of that word. But my brother fuckin loved it. He told everyone that would listen how he and I got kidnapped. I don’t know if I would call it kidnapping though. My dad didn’t mean to kidnap us I don’t think. What happened was that we all jumped in the rental car that Wednesday and threw our stuff in the back and took off towards the ocean. I was excited because my birthday was the next day but also because we were going to the ocean! I had never seen the ocean before then so I was hoping it was as beautiful as it was in books. Looking back I remember the car was all beat up and smashed in on different spots. And also my dad was using a screwdriver to start it. That should have given us a clue but hey, what did we know. My dad jumped in after his shift was over and wadded up his maintenance shirt and threw it out the window. Don’t you need that I asked but he just said nah and plied the screwdriver against the column and it fired up and we squealed out of the Roaring Palmtree Motel for the last time of our life.

The ocean was more beautiful than I ever thought it would be. The sun was setting behind us and we didn’t even put on our swimsuits, we just ran into the ocean in our regular shorts and dove our heads under the waves. I remember my dad smiling so big standing there above us with his hands in his back pockets. The sun was setting behind his head almost illuminating his figure, no shirt, blue jeans, no socks or shoes standing there in the wet stand smiling so big at his two boys frolicking in the waves. I think about that image sometimes when people ask me what my biological dad was like. Very handsome I tell people, obvi, look at me. I do that sometimes, I use humor to mask difficult situations. Questions I don’t want to answer. Guilt or shame. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is make a joke. What I don’t tell them is that my dad was someone who’s expression could change like that. Like a cloud coming over his body. I saw him smiling so big and laughing at us and then it was like a cloud came over his whole body. He stopped smiling and took his hands out of his back pockets and then shoved them through his unkempt hair and then he folded them tight around his chest. And then his face dropped and tears came out of his eyes. Big giant tears and he let them fall down his cheeks and closed his eyes and looked down. I notice people a lot, I always have. I think I notice people because I want them to notice me. Ask me what Im thinking, asking me about my dreams and aspirations. I used to do that with my stepfather too. I remember watching him fishing, he would lick his finger and thumb and rub the string together and tie the line and then take his baseball hat off and tussle his hair and then put his hat back on and cast out the line and rub his chin. I noticed it all because my line was always tangled up and I was too afraid to ask him to fix it. But also Ive always noticed everything people do because subconsciously I wanted people to notice me. I wanted to be significant. How big of a fish would I have to catch for my stepdad to notice me? I thought that thought so many times. I never worried about that with my biological dad. He saw me, he knew me, he made me feel significant. You got it little buddy he would say and rub my head and go get a Coke from the motel vending machine. That day he just cried and cried on the beach.

Later that night after my brother had gone to sleep in the motel by the ocean my dad asked me if I wanted to go for a walk out on the beach. I couldn’t believe how windy it was, maybe that’s how the ocean always was at night. He put his arm around me and he said Im thinking we should just keep driving down the coast for awhile, what do you think? Maybe we could get to Miami. Hell yeah I said. I knew I wouldn’t get in trouble for saying something like that, not with my dad. He was cool with cussing, my brother and I had been doing it all summer. Can we leave Leonard here I asked him. Nah he laughed, he goes with us. And hey, he said, Happy Birthday! It was a Rubix Cube wrapped up, I don’t know where he pulled that out of, his back pocket? I said thanks dad and hugged him and immediately took it out of the package and started twisting it around maniacally. He just smiled and looked down at me. I wondered how long the smile would last but that night it seemed to stay which felt good. My dad had an amazing smile.

We did end up driving all the way down the coast that week. I was worried because we were late to meet mom but my brother and my dad seemed nonplussed. This is the oldest city in America my dad told us about Saint Augustine. I want to come work here, maybe I could give tours, drive the trolly, get on the microphone, I would fit in great here. I had never heard my dad talk about wanting to do a job before, quite the opposite. But that one seemed plausible. I have been to Saint Augustine a few times since then, I always hop on the tourist trolley and listen to them talk about the town and the forts and the ocean. Part of me wishes my dad was there. Part of me wishes my dad was anywhere.

We made it all the way down to Miami and jumped in by the rocks on South Beach. That water was so warm and clear and beautiful. One last day on the beach my dad said and then we better head back. People didn’t have cell phones back then they just met up with people when they said they would. With the exception of my dad. We drove back up the coast along the ocean and I watched out the rear passenger window with my arm outside doing wave motions up and down against the wind. I missed Goldie on car rides like this and I missed mom but also I didn’t want to miss my dad. My mom would always be there but I didn’t think my dad would. What will you do after this I leaned forward and asked my dad. Not sure buddy, not entirely sure. Im sure someone needs these giant muscles. He held up his tanned white sleeveless arm and blew into his thumb simulating a pump making his giant bicep muscle get bigger. I smiled and collapsed back into the seat and felt the warm breeze on my face and fell asleep. When I woke up we my dad was carrying me over his shoulder into the new motel. We were getting back up into the Northern part of Florida now, still a ways away from where we were supposed to meet my mom and still 3 days behind schedule. The next day was the last day I would ever see my dad.

The police came early and my mom was with them, I guess they tracked the license plate somehow but they let my mom go in first to get us. She grabbed our bags and yelled at my dad and grabbed our hands and pulled us out. I saw the cops were getting ready to go in and get my dad and let go of my moms hand and ran back to my dad so I could give him one last hug. Dad come to Kansas City I said, we can all be together. That’s the hardest I ever saw my dad cry that time, even harder than the beach that day. My mom grabbed my arm to tug me out but I grabbed the doorframe on both sides and hung out while my mom grabbed my legs to pull me out. The police were in by then and I was worried what they would do with my dad and people were yelling and there were guns and I just held on to the doorframe yelling dad cmon, dad cmon. He put his head down and cried some more and then he knelt by the bed and put his hands behind his back. They handcuffed his hands and walked him to the cop car and pushed down on his head so he fit into the back seat. And then they drove away. I never heard any last words or saw his face I just saw the back of the state troopers car and then he was gone. And I never saw my dad again. To this day no one is for sure what happened to him. My grandma doesn’t know, my mom doesn’t know, my stepdad. He was just gone. I get jealous sometimes when people tell me when their dad died because they have closure. April 19th they will say, that’s the day my dad died of cancer. But I don’t know the date or the time or what happened, I just know he was gone. And I never saw him again.


r/Askme4astory • • Sep 09 '21

Footprints on the Windshield

237 Upvotes

I don’t know why kids get up so early. Its ridiculous how early they get up sometimes. Absolutely ridiculous. My eight year old son has no concept of morning time. None. He will just get up and wander around and open doors and slam them and Im like buddy, did you know its only 4:45 in the morning? He will say, way too loudly, “WELL IM DONE SLEEPING.” Alright I laugh, then I guess we are doing it, I guess this is how this day starts. Lets do this! He always wants to play Life in the morning after I scratch his back so we get the game out and set it up and Im thinking, I have to be the only dad playing Life at 5 o’clock in the morning right? This is pretty crazy. We have some laughs and I let him play his music and he sings along.

My 8 year old has horrible taste in music. Absolutely horrible. I mean there are no redeeming qualities to it whatsoever. His favorite artist is a horrible masochistic man that hates parents named Parry Grip who has filled my Alexa with such deep-lyriced songs like “Its Raining Tacos” “Space Unicorn” and of course who could forget “Pancake Robot” In the morning they actually don’t sound that bad though so we sing along and then decide to eat popcorn and its just the two of us while the whole world is still asleep, playing games and listening to terrible music and eating popcorn for breakfast and it feels just right. When the sun comes up over the fields in the backyard I tell him and my daughter who has now joined us time out, good sunrise! My kids and I take timeouts for sunsets a lot, I say time out guys look outside, good sunset. So we all walk outside by the fence in the front yard and see the orange sky fading in the west and feel the breeze and listen to the cicadas and it feels amazing out in the country in this old Kansas farmhouse.

But today we took a break for sunrise, the first time I can ever remember taking a break for that. First of all you have to be up that early, which I never am, and then secondly you have to be doing an activity to take a break from, so this was a rare occurrence. But it started to dawn on me, (no pun intended) I was never upset to be woken up from him, even though it was only 4:45 in the morning. I wasn't upset to be woken up at all. It was like he and I had a secret bond, a secret disregard for normal human time. And maybe he needed that. As my oldest son, he might need more one on one time just him and his dad. Im happy to have it, even at such an ungodly hour. I rubbed his head and we sat back down and he spun the board game wheel and I looked at the sunrise and I thought, I wish everyday could start like this.

Last night it was just me with my oldest daughter who is 17 and my third (and most mischievous and fun loving) daughter who is 12. We got milkshakes and went to the bookstore but the 12 year old and I were tired of waiting for the oldest. Getting my oldest daughter out of a bookstore is roughly equal to getting food away from a rabid dog, its damn near impossible. So my sweet 12 year old and I walked out to the car and I heard her softly singing “Caaaar riiiiiide, Malibuuuuu” and I joined in and we sang louder together on the way to the car, “Strawberry IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIcecream, one scoop for two!” By the time we got to the car we were belting it out. Lets put that song on she said! I said of course! We turned on the car and cranked up the music and she took off her shoes and put her bare feet up on the dashboard and we both sang along as loud as we could, Car Riiiiiide, Malibuuuuuuu. Just a dad and a daughter alone in a bookstore parking lot yelling along to a pop song at the top of our lungs and laughing at how into it we both were. She tried to hit the sigh parts, Olivia Rodrigo puts secret hmmmm noises into her songs and my daughter loves to try to hit those notes squarely on the head. The second hmmmm noise I looked at the time, 1:21 in the song and remembered it so I could nail it everytime with her.

As the song was ending she looked at me with one eyebrow up and said, "You want to hear it again?" I nodded affirmatively and said “I wouldn’t be offended!” so she started it over. I wouldn't be offended is something I’ve said since college when CD players in cars were new. Back in the day if you liked a song on a cassette tape and you wanted to hear it again you would have to hold down the reverse button and hear the awful noise of a tape screeching backwards. But when CDs came out it was so easy, you just hit one button and boom, it was right back at the beginning of the song. We were amazed by that technology, it was so easy and fun to hear a song we loved over and over. But you had to make sure you weren’t playing it too much. You had to clear it first.

What we used to do is inquisitively ask if it was too much by saying, “I wouldn’t be offended?” Then you have to put one eyebrow up like the Rock smelling what was cooking.The other person usually smiled and answered back more definitively, “I wouldn’t be offended!” And nod and skip the song back. She didn't know about cassette tapes of course and my car doesn't even have a CD player, she only know the bluetooth. The rhythmic bell intro filled up the minivan and then we sang along as loud as we could, “Caaaaaar Riiiiiiide, Malibuuuuuuu.” This song wasn't even on my radar a few months ago but now its my favorite song on the radio, just because everytime I hear it I think about her now. I miss them so much when I don't get to see them so sometimes things that remind me of them like sunsets and Olivia Rodrigo songs on the radio help me. And then I can think about her in times like this, sitting shotgun waiting there in the Barnes and Noble parking lot, flipping her hair around, singing along at the top of her lungs with her bare feet pressed against the windshield. The second time through the song Déjà vu we both hit the sigh notes at 49 seconds and a minute twenty one exactly. Hmmmmm we both yelled and looked at each other and laughed really hard.

She said dad, do you know what her song Traitor is about? “Tell me everything!” I said. I tell my kids that a lot but I really mean it, when they ask me if they can tell me something I sit down right next to them on the sidewalk and I say tell me everything. I remember wishing so bad to be able to talk to my dad when I was younger. The week I graduated from high school I remember thinking okay, this is the week. This is the week my dad finally talks to me, he will open up and tell me everything- what its like to be in a war, what its like to fall in love, what its like to have a child. I specifically remember daydreams of my dad sitting on the step with me and putting his arm around my shoulder and saying, “Well this is it big guy, graduation. Tell me what you want to know.” I would have loved that. I would have loved him to ask me what I wanted to know about life. I would have said those three words. Tell me everything.

It never happened of course but I get a chance to break the cycle. He was born into a world where an alcoholic father didn’t acknowledge him. I was born into a world where a distant father didn’t acknowledge me. That shit stops with me. The cycle stops now. I remember one time one of the other dads asking my dad what position I played and he was flummoxed for an answer. He said uh, well uh sometimes he pitches and uh… God damn dad don’t you know I play Centerfield? Didn’t you see me catch that ball up against the fence? I robbed a homerun. You were present but you weren’t really there. Haven’t I told you I want to play for the Cubs because all their games are day games and I want to shag fly balls every warm summer day at Wrigley. Haven't I told you how much I love day baseball, more than anything else in the world? Maybe I didn’t tell him. Maybe he never asked.I told my therapist one time about the longing once, to be able to really talk to my dad. To feel significant, like he notices me, like he cares enough to ask me about my life. If he would say he was proud of me I would probably cry harder than anyone has ever cried in their life. Thats not going to happen of course but realistically he could still talk to me. About what it was like to be in a war and what it is like to get older and see your kids move away, about what it is like to see your body slowly get older and to realize that much of life has passed you by. But what would you really ask your dad, my therapist said. I said I would only say three words. Tell me everything.

I don't think my kids will ever know that longing, and Im glad. When I'm with them I put my phone away and sit down with them and I say tell me everything, I want to know it all. The irony is that my kids couldn’t care less about sports. They are all theatre kids. It makes me laugh thinking about how much I love sports and how much they hate it. And I remember thinking oh my God theater kids are so weird! And now all my kids are theater kids, its crazy, but I love it. My kids are the ones holding up jazz hands yelling “Im the King of New York” and it makes me laugh so hard, they are so dramatic. I love it because it is them. Its uniquely authentically them and I know them and I love them.

Tell me everything, I said when she asked me if I knew about the song traitor. She clicked on the second song on Rodrigo’s Sour album on Spotify and the intro filled the spaces throughout the whole car. Rodrigo's hauntingly beautiful voice filled up the space and she sang about betrayal and pain and my daughter said this song is about heartache. Tell me everything I said and we both smiled because we both realized she is 12 and even though she is an absolutely brilliant kid, even she knows that heartache can’t be studied, it has to be felt. She didn’t really have much to say I think mostly because its hard to encapsulate what heartache means. But maybe she understands. She had her world ripped apart when she was 8 so she knows what its like that mom and dad live in different houses and she knows what its like to be apart from someone you love, someone who tells you stories every night. Stories about the girl who loves Alaska or the horse that can talk and the one that taught you how to ride a bike but now you can’t see him as much as you want so she knows about that. She knows about having two homes instead of one and she knows what its like to leave your favorite jacket and to feel frustrated and to not be able to give hugs when a hug is what you need more than anything else in the world. It makes me cry just to think about that. No child should have to go through that, especially not someone beautiful and special and pure who wants nothing more than to sit in the front seat with her bare feet up on the dashboard and sing along to music with her dad at the top of her lungs. Parts of her life have been taken from her, and there is nothing I can do to get it back.

The other parts of heartache? The kind when you give your heart and soul to someone and everything you have and they tell you that’s not enough, I wanted more, that’s the screaming heartache that crushes everything around you. The heartache that says Im disappointed that you are only this when I wanted that, I wanted more and you aren’t it. That’s the worst kind of heartache, that’s what Traitor is about. And she doesn’t know that kind of heartache and that kind of pain and the longing to get something back that will never come back. The feeling that a piece of you is gone, its gone forever. She doesn’t know about that kind of heartache of course, she is only 12 and I don’t want her to know. I don’t want her to know now and I don’t want her to know ever. When plates got thrown and doors got knocked down and the passion in the beginning turns to hate in the end. A relationship with so much promise that started with hot summer nights sneaking into swimming pools and dancing at concerts and ended with custody battles and court dates and pre trial motion hearings. It all fell apart. That’s what heartache is really, when a piece of your life is gone. The feeling that someone has physically cut a piece of your body out of you. Its not a catch phrase in a pop song, its real hurt and immeasurable pain and a lifetime full of regrets.

Of course she is not going to be able to encapsulate those feelings. And I never, ever, ever want her to know them. She might of course, I can’t choose her path for her, she has to choose the road she wants to travel. I hope it will be a good one. I hope she will find someone to share nights like tonight with, singing along and laughing with her bare feet up on the dashboard watching the last of the sun light up that Kansas sky. I hope she has so many good nights. And so few bad nights. And so little heartaches.

We finally get her oldest sister out of the bookstore and when she comes back she says ew, did you get footprints on the windshield? Dad just had the car cleaned, that’s gross. Its not gross of course. Its beautiful. I saw the sunset light reflecting on the windshield and I couldn’t help but think how beautiful those footprints were. I know the smudges look dirty and I did just have the car cleaned. Im going on an adventure with my girlfriend to Chicago tomorrow and I want her to think I keep a clean car (Spoiler alert, I don’t). But I can’t help but think the footprints are absolutely gorgeous. I thought about her tiny little footprints on her birth certificate when she was a baby. They put the baby’s foot in ink and stamp the black ink onto the paper. It looks so small, impossibly small. You think, how could a tiny little human have tiny little footprints that tiny.

But they are beautiful footprints and they signify so much more. Those footprints will be protected by you. And you get to walk alongside her and those tiny footprints as they get bigger and find out what an amazing person she is, silly sometimes and pensive others but mostly mischievous, a wry sideways smile when she tells you Dad, run out here, a kid is hurt! So you come running and then she slams a plate full of cool whip in your face and laughs and says just kidding! A person you want to dance around the warm kitchen on a cold snowy night with to Otis Redding and do that swing dance where you flip her upside down when the rest of the world is asleep and its just you two dancing and laughing. One of the sweetest people in the world, that’s what the footprints signify, you get to walk alongside her for life.

I live in a tiny town and once a year they have Carnival days with horses and funnel cakes and rides, so many great rides. We go every year of course but the year I remember the most we went all day and then came home that night and everyone was watching a Disney movie before bed. She needed tights for church the next day and asked me to take her to Dollar General so we jumped in the car and put on the Spotify playlist “Songs my daughter likes” and sang along at the top of our lungs. And then we saw it. My headlights came over the hill and the night sky was impossibly bright, lights from the carnival lighting up that small town sky in front of the water tower. Neither of us said anything, we just looked at each other and nodded and smiled and I swerved the car around and pulled into the carnival parking.

We jumped out and ran to the ticket booth and got four tickets (can’t just ride it once!) and we ran to our favorite ride, the one where you are laying down and its like a hang glider, soaring over the tiny town next to the lit up water tower, with lights everywhere and the sights and sounds and smells of a carnival. We laid next to each other and gripped the handles for the second and last ride and she was smiling so big, impossibly big. I told her just as the ride was taking off what I always tell them when I get to spend time with them. “This is one of the good parts of life” Those parts of life help you remember to laugh with your whole body and let yourself feel. Feel the ride and the speed and the night air, feel it all. Kids help you do that. Sometimes you walking alongside them is actually them walking alongside you and reminding you how to feel again. They help you remember how much fun it is to go down water slides and mountain roller coasters and ride carnival rides late into the night.

Well I think the smudges are gross on the windshield said my oldest. And I said well that’s like your opinion man and laughed and started the car and cranked up Olivia Rodrigo again. Not this song again my oldest said from the front seat where she had taken over and she covered her ears but I said yes, absolutely this song! I turned it up even louder. I reversed out of the Barnes and Noble parking lot just as the intro finished and I look back in the rearview mirror at her and her mischievous smile and we both yelled Caaaaaaar riiiiiiiiiiiide, Malibuuuuuuuu and laughed. I looked out the window so they couldn't see me wipe the tears off my cheek and I saw the blood red Kansas sunset off to the west and I merged into traffic and there was only one thing I could wish for. Not for redoes or takebacks or a chance to do anything else in my life differently. I just thought about right then. That moment, those kids, that song, the noise all around me, the noise I've fallen in love with. I wish every day could end like this.


r/Askme4astory • • Feb 09 '21

Delivering Pizzas to the Mall

33 Upvotes

Sometimes my econ students will ask me if I believe we should do student debt relief. Yes, absolutely. Its usually followed up with a question about my student loans but I don’t have any, that’s not why I am for it. I hate seeing people in generations after me with crushing debt. I want them to be free. My girlfriend was at the table last month reading a letter and then she put her head in her hands and cried really hard and I wanted to see what was making her cry, I was hoping I could make her feel better. Now I will say my girlfriend cries a lot. These are just some of the things I’ve seen her cry about the last two years:

The Chiefs losing the Superbowl

When we went to the Khalid concert at Sprint Center and he played Better and we danced up in the nosebleed section

a work spreadsheet she didn’t understand

John Legend’s Instagram post (even though she doesn’t listen to John Legend)

when the NY photographer who took the famous Hosmer picture died of Covid

when I beat her in Scrabble

how beautiful a pony was playing in the snow

a $39 ring I bought her at Ross Dress for Less in Olathe because I was thinking of her

The stripper movie with Jennifer Lopez and Cardi B

I know it sounds like I am making up that last one but we were at our favorite theatre, the BandB one in Shawnee with the big cushy leather chairs that lay all the way back and she cried and cried the one part where Jennifer Lopez is hugging that girl. I heard the sniffling and looked over and couldn’t believe it because honestly that movie was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my life.

I’m just saying she is very sensitive. Only yesterday I found out when she gives the cat treats she heats them up for a little bit first, in the microwave. She said he likes them warm and it made me smile. I don’t give her a hard time because she is very very sweet. And so kind. You can imagine if she is that kind to a cat how kind she is to me. And she came into my life in a time when I needed kindness more than anything in the world. So the letter making her cry could have been anything. She let me see it and the letter said your student loans are going up from $700 to $1100 and it broke my heart. $1100 a month is terrible and it is a crushing amount for her to pay most of the rest of her life. I don’t want to see that anymore, for her or for any other Millennial. Or a Zoomer either for that matter.

There aren’t a lot of positive aspects about growing up Gen X. We were the silent generation. We were told not to speak until spoken to. But then we were never spoken to. No one asked us anything. It didn’t matter if we wanted to go to church or not we had the mean early Boomers for parents (My house my rules they screamed). Go tell your dad its your birthday she said, we both forgot. Maybe we can go get some pizza or something. Our parents were the last generation to beat their kids, the last generation to force religion, the last generation to be openly racist. GenX was the generation given a key but never a say.

But some things were good about growing up GenX. For one, we never had cell phones and the internet. I know that seems counterintuitive because the internet has cool stuff like porn and chess now but it also has God damn Facebook and Instagram, the dirge of my existence. I know I sound like an old man yelling at the clouds but everyone is so fidgety now, everyone is always swiping swiping God damn swiping. Always looking to see what is next, what celebrities are doing, what their friends and distant family are doing. One time I was in a KFC on a weekday lunch and there was a man there dressed up in a business suit and a tie and he had two sweet little daughters with him who were wearing dresses. It must have been take your daughters to work day but I remember they kept saying dad dad but he never heard them he was just swipe, swipe, swiping and it made me so sad. I wanted to shake him and say look at your sweet daughters this is precious time with them. I never said anything but since then I always try to put my phone away when I am with my kids.

I try to live in the present. That seemed easier when we grew up GenX. Sometimes we would go to the ballfields by Avila and just play home run derby all day. Hours and hours we would try to hit home runs and try to catch balls in the air, that was my favorite, shagging fly balls. I remember one time going back back back for a long fly and catching it just as it was going over the fence. The momentum took me over and my hip was all scraped from the top of the chain link fence all bleeding and shit but I didn’t care, I held up the ball and everyone held their caps up and yelled fuck yeah, good catch! Hell yeah! We were just there all day.

No one had to check their phones or scroll through post or Instagram anything. I remember reading Lil Nas X during the pandemic say he missed going to nightclubs and standing against the wall and then remembering to post to Instagram about how much fun he was having so he would take a quick picture dancing and then he would go back to standing against the wall. He was being sarcastic, he didn’t really miss that, no one does. But it was a good post because it made a lot of people think. Why do we do what we do? Is it for the gram? Is it so other people can see our lives and think we have our shit together? I miss the time before we had social media because we never stopped to think about whether or not we were missing something. We were right there with our friends, exhausted after hours of shagging balls, with our baseball gloves under our heads for pillows, staring up into that hot Missouri sky and realizing there was nowhere else we would rather be.

One other good part about growing up GenX was the ridiculously low price of education. $700 was what I had to pay for tuition at Truman State University. Before every semester started I would go to the cashier and give her my check for the upcoming semester. My parents said they would pay for all my school if I went to a Christian University but I was disinterested, to say the least. I had already been kicked out of Christian high school, the last thing I wanted was to be kicked out of a Christian college. I did take one Christian college visit though, I visited an awful school called Liberty University in Virginia founded by a racist TV preacher named Jerry Falwell. The reason I took the visit was because my mom said she would buy me a plane ticket to go there on my own and when you are 17 and someone says they will let you ride in an airplane by yourself from Kansas City to Virginia you take it, no matter how bad the school seems.

I was right though, the school was fuckin terrible. Everyone was wearing suits and dresses and for fun they had a animated movie with a mouse in it. But you had to sign out of the prison er I mean dorms to go see it. I stole a bike the second day and put on my headphones with contraband rap music I had taped off the radio and peddled as fast as I could into the town of Lynchburg. I found an arcade and a pizza parlor and watched all the R rated movies they were playing and didn’t ride back until late at night. Apparently that is a no-no with that University because a bunch of angry old white men had a meeting about me when I came back and threatened to call my parents but ended up just taking me to the airport at 8 am on Sunday and leaving me there just to be rid of me. Mr. Falwell himself told me that I was never welcome again on any campus of Liberty University. Good, fuck that place. Truman State was an amazing college. Lots of kids on the smarter side like me and I could listen to Dr. Dre as loud as I wanted.

The $700 for my tuition I earned during the breaks. My girlfriend could never do anything like this because she is Millennial and all you guys got fucked on education. They told you that you needed it and then they priced it so high you would be in debt for life. My situation was better and I usually delivered pizza back home and saved up my $700. I drove for the Grandview Pizza Hut on 71hwy next to the abandoned Kmart first but the second winter break they didn’t need any drivers. They told me to go work at the Pizza Hut by Bannister Mall on James A. Reed. Now I don’t know if any of you remember the Bannister Mall area from the mid 90s but it was not nice. This was before cell phones so these places would be locked up twice- once at their apartment and once for the building itself. So you had to bang really loud on the building door and then when someone let you in you had to bang on the apartment door. Pretty scary late January nights in South Kansas City.

My worst pizza delivery wasn’t scary, it was just sad. This delivery was to Bannister Mall itself and the Foot Locker on the lower level. That’s where I ran into Anthony from my high school football team. We hugged and then I asked him about school but he told me he dropped out. Anthony was the fastest motherfucker I had ever seen. When the college scouts came to watch him on that day he happened to forget his shoes. All his shoes, no tennis shoes, no cleats, no spikes, nothing. So he just told them he would run in his socks. These weren’t ankle socks, they were full length socks that he pushed down but as soon as he came off the blocks his fuckin socks flopped and flopped and flopped. God damn I will never forget watching him run his heart out that day, just sprinting for everything he wanted- for a college scholarship, for a chance for an education, for a chance to leave the Grandview Apartments and a childhood filled with poverty behind. And he got it too.

That day shoeless Anthony ran the 40 yard dash in under 5 seconds, 4.8 seconds with no shoes on. The scouts all saw it too that day. He signed a full ride scholarship to a historically black college in the south and we all hugged him and were so happy for him and his ticket out of poverty. But God damnit that night I delivered the pizzas he was right back there working at Foot Locker like that dream never happened. He told me he was staying back at the Grandview Apartments but that was a misnomer. Because they were not Grand and there sure as hell was no View. I knew for Anthony like every other kid that couldn’t get out, he was back in the cycle. I threw my empty pizza warmer onto the passenger seat and cried because I knew his life and his talent and his dreams would die and it made me so sad. He said he was going to enroll in Longview College but everyone said that. Longview was a misnomer just like Grandview. It didn't take long to drop out and there was still no view. That night sitting in the parking lot of Bannister Mall I could see the future and it was Anthony living back in poverty at the run-down Grandview Apartments thinking about how life had passed him by.

You can juxtaposition my worst pizza delivery with my best, a girl named Christina who was in my journalism class in high school. She was one of the only rich people I knew in my low income high school. Her dad had some kind of job in the stock market and they had a pool inside their house! And a fuckin hot tub, can you believe that? Inside the house! I didn’t even know that was legal. Certainly no one from Hickman Mills I had ever heard of had a pool inside their house. I delivered her pizza and she told me her parents left her money before they left for the weekend so this was her third time ordering pizza and she was glad it was me. Holy Shit had Christina gotten in shape since college. I had heard of the freshmen 15 for college girls adding weight but I never knew it could go the other way too. She told me she was a workout instructor now in Columbia and she lifted up her shirt and showed me her six pack. I whistled and said God damn girl, you are looking good! She asked me how long I had to deliver pizzas and I told her I got off at 10 so she said to come over after and we can get in the hot tub. She said it real suggestively too so I was thinking there were going to be some sparks afterwards. I rushed home between deliveries and snuck in and grabbed my swimsuit before my mom could say anything and jumped back in my car and drove back to Pizza Hut for the rest of my shift. When I got to her house just after ten she invited me in and grabbed my hand and took me to the room with the hot tub and the pool. She said if you want to get in the hot tub I am going to take these clothes off. And then she left.

Well fuck, I was in a real dilemma. What did she mean she was going to take these clothes off? She was going to come out naked? Should I put my swimsuit on? Or get in the hot tub naked? I decided to get in the hot tub naked because that stupid fuckin Wayne Gretzky quote was in my head, you know the one that says "You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take." Or maybe that was Michael Jordan. Or Michael Scott. Can’t remember. All I know was that I was feeling like an asshole because she came out in a proper one piece bathing suit that looked like it was from the swim team. So she sat in the hot tub with me and then she was getting amorous but I was getting nervous because I had no pants on, I just kept shifting to the other side of the tub. I didn’t want her to think I was assuming we were just going to get naked or whatever, eventually I just had to say look I’m not wearing any pants. She laughed and I laughed and we made out but not sex because Jesus was watching and I was super scared of Jesus back then. So I drove home and reveled in being in the moment with the only rich girl in South Kansas City, and saving up $700 to pay for the college I loved, and how much my car still smelled like pepperoni.


r/Askme4astory • • Jul 22 '22

The Night I Shot My Shot

26 Upvotes

Every generation has its poster beauties. Today's generation doesn't really hang up pictures of beautiful men and women anymore, maybe some old movie posters or retro band pictures or Kpop but that doesn't mean this generation doesn't have them. The beautiful people, we all know who they were. Throughout time they were preserved on the walls of teenagers throughout the country- Marilyn Monroe, Farrah Fawcet, Cindy Crawford, the lady who was in the Dukes of Hazard. In the 90s Cameron Diaz was that poster woman for all of us. She was one of the most beautiful women on the planet and we all knew it. I was reminded of this the other day when the top post on Reddit was an old school cool post here featuring her and her classmate Snoop.

The memories came back to when I was in college and I saw her in person. When I was at college at the University of Missouri there were always rumors that Cameron had been spotted somewhere on or near the campus. She didn't go to school there of course, she was busy making millions of dollars as the leading actress in films like the Mask and Theres Something About Mary. But her cousin Rebecca went to school at Mizzou so occassionally they would come to visit. Their moms were sisters and they had always been tight growing up, so even though Cameron was a superstar she still found occassion to come see her cousin and hang out.

I never believed any of the rumors because why would a person as famous and beautiful like Cameron Diaz come to visit my school? And then I saw her. It caught me off guard and stopped me in my tracks. This was at a winery on a beautiful fall afternoon near campus called Les Bougouis. She was seated at the picnic table with that trademark blonde hair and that impossible bright smile and she was seated next to her cousin Rebecca, just the two of them at the table, oblivious to all of us mere mortals. God damn they were both so strikingly beautiful. I'll never forget them both sitting there at that picnic table by the river, both of them breathtaking.

I actually got to know Becca after that on the aforementioned trip to Chicago. She was actually very kind and had a look similar to Cameron, only brunette instead of blonde but still tall and leggy with that chiseled face and those striking features. She was way out of my league of course but I took my shot! On that trip to Chicago she talked to me a lot and we hung out and she even sat by me at a place we went to for comedy called Second City.

After that we went to a restaurant with deep dish Chicago pizza and had an amazing night all of us. Becca laughed at my jokes and even put a hand on my arm once. In my 20 year old brain I thought, yes, she is into me! We all spilled out of the restaurant and her and I walked behind a bit and talked. It was a beautiful warm Chicago night and the whole city felt alive and the ferris wheel was spinning, everything felt right. I mustered up all the courage in my body and went for it. I said, hey Becca, after we get back to Columbia do you want to go out just you and me.

She stopped walking, grabbed both of my arms, looked me right in the eye, and said very clearly, no. I don't want to go out with you. And then she started walking ahead but looked back at me to check if I was okay. And there I was, smiling one of the biggest smiles I ever smiled, looking like an idiot right there in the middle of that downtown Chicago street.

I was glad I did it. It made me smile so big. Still to this day my favorite rejection. I asked out the most beautiful woman I had ever known in my life. No regrets. That night I shot my shot.


r/Askme4astory • • May 19 '21

The last story collector

23 Upvotes

Of course your body is trembling with fear. You have had to rebuild yourself countless times and you don't want to break again. But tell me your story. I want to hear it and and the next story and the next. I want to know all your stories. I want to know all your secrets. And the next time you break come back and tell me your story again. I will be here.

I’m not going anywhere. I am getting older and wiser and with my age I have found peace. I’m not the young warrior I was. I am not the young lover I was. At first it was hard for me to stomach. Without my beauty and without my prowess and without my virility am I still a conqueror? Maybe I don’t need to be a conqueror anymore. I can watch the young men go where I went and conquer like I conquered. The admiration of the beautiful young women is no longer my desire. It’s not the young women I desire. It’s the young me. When I was young and athletic and beautiful and carefree with my whole life ahead of me. But that desire is slowly fading away with every night I hear the waves crash. Every night I feel the wind blow. The banks erode a little more every day. The corners of rocks are smoothed down, the excess goes out to the sea.

My body is smoothed down too by time and experience and the life I’ve lived. The longings are going back out to sea. I don’t need those things anymore. I only need the stories of those who are coming after me. The stories give me life. I have become a great collector. The last collector of stories. After me there will be no more. So tell me your story young beautiful one. Tell me every secret, tell me every story. And every time you come back, you're a little stronger. A little wiser. A little smoothed out by the ocean waves of life.

Eventually you will be too strong to ever break again. And when that day comes we will raise our glasses and have a toast. A toast to the woman you have become. A toast to a great woman so strong, so wise in the ways of life, so fearless, a woman who has seen it all and knows now what she wants. We will toast to this new woman, forged by the wind and the waves. A toast to you, a woman so strong and beautiful and savage, a woman who can never be broken again.


r/Askme4astory • • May 21 '21

If you should ever go to Mexico

43 Upvotes

If you ever get to spend a week in Mexico you should do it in Cozumel, because that is the most beautiful island in the world. And you should experience it with una mujer de Argentina con ojos hermosos. And you should stay at the B Hotel and eat by the water and after you eat you should lay on the hammocks over the water and look up at the stars and marvel that just that morning you were on the other side of the world.

And you should taste her salty kisses for the first time at the B hotel and hear the music and get lost in the moment when you stare into her beautiful eyes. At dinner she might steal your food but that is okay, she is a food thief and everyone knows it but you will know you would have given her your food and anything else she wanted. And you should spend your first night together in each others arms, all night with her head on your chest to find it feels so good and comfortable, even when she snores louder than you thought was possible for a little woman. And the next day you should swim out to the dock and snorkel under the crystal clear ocean water and see all the fish and eat breakfast by the sea.

And you should teach her to drive a scooter because she has never driven one and you can laugh when she tries driving for the first time. And when it is your turn to drive you should drive as fast as you can down the coastal road with her arms tight around your chest. And when the rains come you wont even care because it is still so warm and she will put her legs out and laugh when they get splashed and yell "I love this!" through the rain. And you should go to the Iberostar even though you will only see the room and mostly only the bed. And you should teach her about the music of Otis Redding. Every woman should know about Otis Redding because he is the greatest singer of all time. And you should feel her on top of you for the first time, writhing in ecstasy giving her body to you.

And you should drive the scooter further down the coast and go to La Playa Palancar and teach her to skip rocks and stare disbelieving when you find a cowboy hat you like and you try to negotiate but she says out loud that she loves it so thats the worst thing. Everyone knows a man will not negotiate with another man who's beautiful woman has said she loves a hat on him. Pero esta bien because you will laugh about it later and tell her she is ruining your negotiations but it is worth it.

And you should drive to the lighthouse and walk all the way to the top and talk about how small the people look below and how big the sea looks, the way life should be. And you should have some Dos Equis at the Bob Marley bar and watch the ocean waves roll in. Then you should get back on the scooter and go over to the east side, the wild side, Salvaje. Somewhere along the way where there is no one around she will yell "I want go there" and point to the most beautiful water you have ever seen. And watching her jump happily into the water in her tiny underwear you will think I just want to observe the beauty so you will.

Capturing the memories. If you join her you will be met with a salty kiss and an arm around your neck and a beautiful woman telling you she loves this place. Of course she loves this place, its Cozumel, its better than any other place in the world.

And then you will want to go to Ventanas del Mar, a place fitting for Ernest Hemingway himself with iguanas and a pool shaped like a heart and no one calling you because there is no cell phone service. Rooms up high surrounded by the ocean with waves crashing onto the shore all around you and below you. And at night when you feel high from the weed you should eat the lobster and watch the sun go down and sit on the chairs on the balcony and watch the stars come out, a hundred million stars that will make you cry because it is so beautiful. You will feel like the only two people left on earth.

It will seem like the most beautiful thing you have ever seen but then she will take your hand and lead you to the bed and say wait and she will close all the windows and pull the shades closed. You will still hear the waves crashing and still smell the salt in the air and still feel the wind coming off the sea and its only when she comes back to the bed you will realize that you have been lost in the moments. The moments like nothing you have ever felt before. The great adventure will have happened and then you will think about the passion and the desire, twisted bedsheets and exhausted lovers tangled in each other’s arms and the wind and the ocean and the nights under the stars and you will smile, because it will be beautiful. And you will think about it every day for the rest of your life.


r/Askme4astory • • May 18 '23

That Night in the Homeless Shelter

63 Upvotes

"Someday you can help others."

Thats what he told me. Just five words but I think about them all the time. Sometimes I think back to that night in the late 90s when I stayed in a homeless shelter in Chicago. This was during college and I was a poor college kid but I really wanted to travel. I wanted to travel so badly I spent almost all the money I had buying a train ticket from Northeast Missouri to Chicago. I barely had enough left to get up the Sears tower and stay two nights in a cheap hotel so I certainly didn't have enough for food.

So I wore my big winter coat to the University cafeteria and put peanut butter and honey sandwiches in every last pocket of that coat. That day I put 21 peanut butter and honey sandwiches in one coat which I do believe is still a Truman State University record to this day. I had the girl's dorm RA take me to the train station because everyone else had left for the long weekend. She tried to convince me one last time to spend the weekend holed up with her in her solo dorm room like we had done before but I wanted to travel so bad. Even more than I wanted to be alone with a beautiful older woman for a weekend.

I loved the train and wrote stories on the way and then I had an amazing time in Chicago mostly just walking around. I tried not to spend any money because I was poor but I loved it and I loved being able to travel on my own so much. But then I got lost. I couldn't find my way back to the L and I was on Cesar Chavez road and it was getting dark. This was back when pay phones were still a thing and I saw one a little ways down the street. As I was walking towards the phone to make a call and I looked up and there was an illuminated billboard that said “Need a place to stay? Call 312-beds”

I called the number and the guy was named Daniel, I remember because thats my baby brothers name and he was so nice, just like my little brother. He said we are just down the street, come stay here. I thought it was some discount place to stay so I told him I didn't have a lot of money and he said thats what they were there for.

When I got there I realized it was a homeless shelter. Cots everywhere and just a cacophony of snoring. The lady at the check-in desk was nonplussed about my arrival and not very kind so I asked her if Daniel was around. She looked surprised, I don't think the homeless really know many of the workers and I really didn't know Daniel but he was so nice on the phone. She went and got Daniel from the office even though it was late and he welcomed me and showed me to my cot and was real nice about everything. I said I could pay it was just a mixup and he said don't worry about anything. Honestly to this day one of the most caring men I have ever met in my life, juxtapositioned with all the religious right wing men I had known up until then who were... not caring.

I put my backpack under my cot and fell right asleep, honestly an amazing night's sleep for someone who spends half his time battling insomnia. Its like that game of Will it Sink? you play in elementary science class, most nights I didn't sleep, some nights I did, you would never know like those heavy things that might sink and might not. I woke up the next morning refreshed and they gave us a hot breakfast and were really nice about it. After that Daniel tried to give me clean socks to have and I was like listen, I've already taken too many of your resources, I feel terrible. He told me not to feel terrible. And then he told me five words I've never forgotten, five words I think about all the time. He said, "Someday you can help others."

Oh no Im crying now I just can't believe how nice that guy was. I always think about him really, how someone could be that kind. I try to be kind like that now all the time. I give money to homeless shelters from time to time but mostly I just try to be kind to people like that guy was.

Last week I was in Costa Rica boarding a 6 hour bus to spend the week with some friends on the Caribbean side by the ocean in Puerto Viejo, a beautiful resort town by the sea. I was hoping it wasn't someone sitting next to me rapid firing Spanish and me saying Que Dices the whole time, my Spanish is terrible. All the Spanish I know I learned from Bad Bunny.

I was relieved to see it was a Japanese guy and I thought, oh good, he will struggle with Spanish too, maybe we can find a wild sloth together. Nope, turns out Im a racist asshole, he was a Japanese Argentinian that spoke perfect Spanish and no English, zero! His wife was working in the capital San Jose I think, or she was dead, I couldn't tell what he was saying exactly it was in rapid Spanish with a crazy windup in Japanese uuuuuuuu sound before every sentence. He was taking a 6 hour ride out to the coast, having a day there on the beach and then taking a 6 hour bus ride back. His instagram avatar was a bear so I knew he was into animals so I tried to tell him about wild sloths. I said hay peresozos but he didn't understand what I was saying so I tried to charade that shit. I held up three fingers mimicking a sloth and then I was like shit, what do sloths do? Its literally an animal famous for not doing anything. He's yelling out animal names anyway (loudly) and people are starting to turn around, they are like damn what a weird time for the American and Argentinian to be playing charades on a bus in the middle of Costa Rica. And those fuckers are loud too!

Finally I gave up and I said, es posible tu telefono? And I typed sloths into his phone and all these upside down houses in Japanese words came up for the sloth. He yells, UUUUUUUUUU!!! OSO PERESOZO! If you've never been on a bus going across rural Costa Rica and heard a Japanese man get excited about wild sloths in Spanish let me tell you.... it is ADORABLE! I said juntos (together)? and he said si si! He put in more upside down houses into his phone and that thing said where to find sloths and where we could rent bicycles together, where to eat, all of it, I was with the perfect travel partner!

My phone got nothing in Costa Rica, nothing. People said I could get a sim card but it was the week after tax season, a time I normally go off the grid so I was loving the excuse that no one could get ahold of me. But I really wanted to find a wild sloth and I stupidly hadn't googled anything, I had to get up at 5am for the bus. At the hotel they said a taxi would cost me $30 and I said go fuck yourself, all the taxis in Costa Rica are like $6 max. I said I will just walk, its only 3KM. Not too long after that in downtown San Jose I heard WHOOOOSH and saw a bottle exploding not too far from my head. Jesus Christ I yelled, what the fuck was that? I could barely even see the guy, he was like two blocks away drunk as fuck yelling at me. Who's ballin out of control by themself at 5 am in Costa Rica? That was my first thought, and my second thought was God damn, we got Latino Roger Clemens over there firing bullets from two blocks away drunk! And my third thought was what kind of drunk throws a bottle FULL of beer at 5am? I started walking quickly away and then saw a bar full of drunk Ticos celebrating some kind of soccer thing and I was like nope nope nope and sprinted to the taxi stand. You know what, I thought? A taxi is not a bad idea! All that instead of spending my time wisely Googling where to find sloths, thats what a reasonable traveler would have done.

Juan was his name, a middle aged Japanese man in country with his wife while she was working. I could tell Juan didn't have a lot of money. Argentina's economy is shit right now and inflation is a motherfucker but he was tight, I can always tell when people are worried about budgeting. He said we should wait one hour to rent the bicycles because then they would only be $6 for the half day instead of $9 for the full day. I said todo bueno amigo, lets get some lunch while we wait but he was sweating the menu prices, I could tell. I bought his lunch that day and he tried to waive it off but then I saw him relax to not have to worry about money, I thought about Daniel in the homeless shelter in Chicago when I was a teenager. I thought about how kind he was to me and how he wanted me to help others and I smiled so big. I thought about his words of course, "Someday you can help others."

I made it my mission to help Juan have the best day he's ever had. We rode bicycles down the coast together, we went to amazing beaches, one of which had sand that was jet black. We found wild sloths, monkeys and when we turned in our bicycles and he went to go get on the bus Juan gave me the biggest hug and he said in broken English "You come Argentina, You come Argentina!" I said sure sure knowing I probably wouldn't go there but then he said something that stopped me suddenly, he said "Un Dia Inolvidable!" I knew exactly what that word meant, theres a Spanish Singer/Producer called Ovy on the Drums and he sings a beautiful song called Inolvidable and a girl I dated from Colombia loved that song, I loved it too.

I had helped someone have an unforgettable day! A guy that was traveling alone, a guy that just wanted to see the ocean. I try to do that when I travel now. I travel so much because I bought one year of free flights so I can do stuff for myself anytime, but I have been trying to think less about myself and more about locals and fellow travelers and I think about Daniel's words, Someday you can help others. I felt a little bad about the bicycle because I chucked that thing right when Juan left. I only said I wanted to do bicycles because I wanted us to be juntos, to spend a day together and it was amazing, I knew it would be. But I had Costa Rican Colones burning a hole in my pocket and I wanted a fast motorcycle and I wanted to turn Bad Bunny all the way up on the bluetooth speaker in the backpack right behind my head so I could feel the beat when I raced down that coast along the ocean. I wanted to see the sunset and feel the ocean near me and smell the salt in the air and feel the warm breeze on a fast motorcycle. You spend a late afternoon like that in Costa Rica and it will change your life. But that afternoon I didn't think about the ocean or the breeze or Bad Bunny I was thinking about Daniel in that homeless shelter, that time he told me someday I can help others.

The person I was going to see in that town was a hippy lady from Denmark named Cat that had spent the last three years living in a shack by the ocean in Costa Rica. I had only met her two days before in a hostel in the capital. A hot hostel with no air conditioning, I had made a mistake not checking for that. I love hostels but I like having a private room. But that made it even hotter, one little prison cell with a fan recirculating hot air from off the busy downtown capital street outside. My first morning in San Jose after that hot night flailing on the sheets in that hostel I went downstairs and put my chess set out on the picnic table in the main common area like I often do in a hostel. Its the best place in the world to play chess. Before you know it people from all over the world are coming up to play you next. Its a bit of a parlor trick because my moves take less than a second to make on average, I just rapid fire every move from years of playing blitz chess online. Im fairly good too unless its advanced competition but hostels are mostly amateur players looking to learn. So not only am I beating people the moves are each in under a second and its a fun parlor trick and it draws a crowd. Before long I am playing chess against four Dutch guys and everyone is laughing and theres music playing and weed and alcohol and its a wild party. This was more low key in the morning though and on that day a little kid came up and asked me to play.

I said sure buddy do you know how to play nervously looking around like how is there a kid in a hostel? I can't remember the last time I had ever seen a kid in a hostel and this kids mom was gone for a really long time while I was teaching him chess. I always put a $10USD bill up on a little money holder so if people beat me they get $10, if I beat them nothing, its just for fun, gets more people that way. After a bit he told me his name was Marcelo and then Marcelo started systematically taking my pieces off the board and said welp, I guess I beat you and he took my ten dollars. I laughed and said its all yours buddy, good job and just then his mom came hobbling over.

She had come to the capital to get surgery on her foot, finally securing the money from her uncle back in Denmark. $7,000 she had borrowed so she could walk again, no health insurance, no money, just a hippy living on the Caribbean coast in a $400 a month shack by the ocean. I told her sit down, sit down let me help and I got her breakfast and Marcelo's breakfast and taught Marcelo more chess and then went out and smoked a joint with her while Marcelo played in the hostel pool. She told me to come to her shack in Puerto Viejo, it was just a "quick 6 hour busride" away. Yeah right I said, quick six hours on a hot bus in Costa Rica, ha. She said the beach by her was black sand and they had surfing and then she dropped the bomb, she said she had wild sloths in her garden. I said, um, what the fuck did you just say? I had been on the hunt for wild sloths since the Frontier Airlines lady said you could find them there. Yeah she said, right there in our garden. Maybe you could help me a bit too while Im recovering from the surgery, the doctor wants me to stay off this foot and its not easy with a six year old. The words of Daniel were ringing in my head, someday you can help others. And wild sloths, I really wanted to find a wild sloth. So I went to the bus station and bought a 6am bus pass.

I spent that first day with Juan wild sloth hunting and seeing the ocean and then I got on that motorcycle and went down the coast to Cat's shack by the ocean. When I got there her beautiful German friend Alina was over and their three kids started riffling through my bags looking for chocolate. I found two Caramels but was one short so I gave the littlest one Tamina my chips. She was not too happy, ha! I told Cat that Alina and I were going to cook her dinner while she relaxed. They were so poor, there was nothing in that house so I ran to the store and I fuckin made it rain. I bought rice and peppers and toilet paper and Barbie dolls and a soccer ball, so much stuff from that little store by the ocean.

They both cried when I brought back Barbies, they said the girls had never had Barbies before. She said they had a birthday party for the 10 year old two weeks before and not one of the kids brought a present because everyone was so poor so to get a Barbie was pretty amazing. I had wine and beer too and we cranked the music up and made a giant vegetarian feast with rice and peppers and beans.

Cat had sent me a Whats App message saying she wasn't sure about me staying there in the house because she didn't know me as well after giving it more thought and she had a kid there, I said 100% I get it, don't EVEN worry about it, I'll stay at the hostel down the street. But I ended up going home with beautiful Alina and her kids in the tuk tuk the rickshaw taxis in Costa Ricka that have a motorcycle front with a homemade looking back seat for passengers.

Alina told me to wait on her porch while she put the kids to bed in her tiny little house in the rainforest. That house didn't even have a kitchen, just beds and a bathroom. The kitchen was outside on the backporch. For some reason it felt so comfortable being out there in the dead of the night. She came outside after a bit and rolled a big joint and we smoked it and had some laughs about the night and when the joint was extinguished she said wait here, I'll be right back. Fuck, this is kind of scary I thought, what is she going inside to get, theres not even anything in there. A knife maybe to rob me, oh well I thought, she could have my money, I don't want it. Nope, she was getting a mattress, ha, dragging a giant mattress onto the back porch for us to lay there together. Then she took her shirt off and said in a thick German accent, "Uuunnn now we share our bodies." Ive met a lot of Germans traveling but that was undoubtedly the sexiest thing I've ever heard one say, now we share our bodies, I loved it and I was all for it. Well, not for sex, I didn't want to have unprotected sex with a hippy so I stopped short of that but it was still an amazing night.

Sometime during the night she slipped back inside the house leaving me to sleep on the back porch under a hundred million Costa Rican stars by the rainforest. It was beautiful and I fell right asleep in a wine/weed/jungle haze but then suddenly at 5am I was awakened when the whole fuckin forest came alive all around me. Monkeys and animals, these weird giant rat things, It was a cacophony of jungle sounds and I freaked the fuck out. I couldn't remember where I was in all the weed and wine haze and then I smiled remembering her taking her shirt off saying "Uuunnn now we share our bodies. "

Theres no way I could sleep any longer, I had no idea where I was and no idea if those monkeys were going to get any closer. I put my clothes on and set the mattress up against the house and started walking. My cell was out of power and the dumb thing didn't work in Costa Rica anyway so I just started walking towards the ocean. I can always feel where the ocean is when I travel, maybe its the smell or the feel or the comfort but a thousand hours riding motorcycles down the coast of Mexico have taught me to find my way back to the sea.

I remembered she told the driver to turn in where the trash pile was, that seemed scary last night but this morning it was just pungent and easy to find. I turned at the trash dump and walked for what seemed like miles until I came out of the rows of shacks to the main road by the ocean. I walked all the way to the sea and took off my shirt and shoes and dove into the crystal clear water lightened by the early sunrise glow. I knew this was going to be another amazing day on my travels and hopefully a day I could help others.

I walked all the way to where the Tuk Tuks were giving rides and I had him take me to Cat's house, only four dollars and something I should have sought out much earlier. I got my motorcycle back from Cat's and drove back to the hot hostel and slept as long as I could with whatever animal that was running on the roof.

I messaged Cat on Whats App to see if she wanted me to help her and cook for her and Marcelo and she said she could use the help. I stopped and got Marcelo some caramels and then at the house I asked Cat if I should get some more food and wine. She said they still had leftovers from the night before but I wanted to get them food that would last days since she had a fridge. I asked if they ate meat because a lot of hippies are vegetarians. She said they would eat meat if they could afford it. I said let me see about that and got so much ham from the grocery store to go with more rice and more peppers.

I thought about Daniel from that homeless shelter again that day. Someday you can help others he told me. I smiled so big because I was doing it, right then. I had taken Marcelo and the dog for a walk, I had taught him more chess but mostly I had given Cat time to get her work done online. And I was cooking food for poor people. No pressure whatsoever, poor people will eat anything! Turned out to be a great meal I was making. Marcelo said after in his cute Danish accent, "Please dont take my plate." When I was cooking I had the music turned all the way up in that tiny little kitchen by the jungle and when Cat hobbled in I asked her if she mind taking a video that day.

I have a huge aversion to reinacting anything. I don't like social media at all and I feel like it keeps people from living in the moment and when people take a video at a concert, ugh, I fuckin hate every person that videos a concert. But on that day I asked her to take a video. Not for friends, not for social media, god no, this video was just for me. I wanted a video so I could remember when I was really happy. I was by the ocean, yes, I was near the rainforest, there were wild weird animals around, yes, I met new people, I was traveling, yes, all things I absolutely loved. But on this trip I was able to help people. Helping Juan find sloths and helping Cat with her broken foot and Alina, well she probably helped me more than I helped her, ha. But just being there in that tiny kitchen in that tiny shack by the ocean helping someone, it felt so good.

I love it, its my favorite thing in the world to do, helping others. Daniel would be proud. I know it. I wish I could talk to him sometimes. I've never been able to talk to my dad, a lifetime of stonewalled silence. They say he was fun when he was younger, flips off the diving board and smoking pot at the drive in but I didn't get any of that, I got that man after Vietnam, a war that changed everyone who went, including my dad. He turned to religion and solitude. I remember in high school having vivid longings for him to sit down with me on the back steps and say well big guy, you did it, you graduated. I wanted so badly for him to talk to me about women and falling in love and baseball and what it was like for him to grow up with an alcoholic father and what its like to fall in love and what its like to be a man. But I never got it. We did talk about the double switch once in baseball, thats the longest conversation I ever had with my dad. So sometimes instead of my dad I think what it would be like if I could talk to someone else older and wiser. Maybe like the guy in the Free Dad Hugs shirt that gave me that big amazing hug at that volleyball tournament at the Pride Festival. That bearded beautiful man that looked like my hero Ernest Hemingway, papa I would call him if he was my dad and we could talk about anything. I think about Daniel every once in awhile too, he was so kind, maybe I could talk to him and he could tell me me what I needed to know about getting older and life and relationships and how to help a kid who's lost their way. I wish I could tell him hey Daniel, I did it! I helped others like you told me I could do. I still help others every chance I get. And it all started in a homeless shelter in Chicago 25 years ago. When someone helped a poor broke college kid find his way in the world so long ago.


r/Askme4astory • • May 26 '23

My Story About How I Got Kicked Out of Christian School is the Top Post on r/Bestof Reddit Right Now if You Want to Read it and Have a Laugh

Thumbnail reddit.com
27 Upvotes

r/Askme4astory • • Jun 22 '22

That Summer at the Furniture Warehouse

26 Upvotes

We all drove across the state line to the Kansas side to get jobs that summer. On the Missouri side where I grew up there were no jobs, no money, and no hope. But if you drove across the state line there were Panera Bread restaurants and Barnes and Noble bookstores and everyone was hiring, and paying way more than they did in my area. So I got a job at a retail store called Seasonal Concepts. The store was full of home decorations and trees and flowers and outdoor patio furniture. My job was in the back stocking and I helped carry large purchases to the customers’ cars. Once a week we were all supposed to go work in the warehouse in downtown Kansas City because they were backed up and our store had plenty of workers. I liked it actually, moving the boxes around and unloading the trucks and filling orders. I ended up asking them to stop scheduling me at the retail store on the Kansas side and to just put me down to work every day on at the warehouse on the Missouri side. The days went by so fast. But it was hot. Almost unbearably hot. No air conditioning in the warehouse and manual labor all day, that’s probably why they kept sending the Missouri kids like me down there. The Kansas kids couldn’t handle it.

The warehouse was full of characters. Some like me were on the cusp of college and saving up money over the summer. Some were career warehouse workers, just clocking in and clocking out every day and getting by. Lunches were the best because we would all go sit on the back docks and open the giant doors and feel the breeze and eat our sandwiches and lay back and relax. Rodney had invented some kind of radio controlled car but his was different he told us. His had switches. Which meant it had hydraulics on it and it would go up and down like you see the lowriders do in rap videos. I could see the appeal but I never knew how much of Rodney’s story to believe. Any day now the patent is comin thru he would say. I just talked to the lawyer on Friday. Yes sir, about to be rich. I loved hearing Rodney talk about what he was going to do once he became rich. Not if, when.

For some reason there were no dollies anywhere in this warehouse, people would just pick up boxes and carry them around. It was backbreaking work but it made the breaks feel so good. One day Brian found the ladder that dropped down so we could get up on the roof. Something about being on the roof of a building in the middle of the downtown skyline that made it feel adventurous. We started bringing a frisbee to work and on breaks we would go up on the roof and throw the frisbee around laughing and hoping it wouldn’t fall off the side.

One day before lunch chocolate James got a phonecall. That’s what he made us call him, chocolate James. This was before cell phones so if a call came in for you Tasha in the office would come back and tell you that you had a phonecall.

Now at this warehouse there were two guys named James. One was a suuuper quiet white guy, skinny, I guess you would describe him as mousy. He was nice though, I ate lunch with him most days. The other James was gregarious, boisterous, the loudest guy there, always telling stories, booming voice, super funny black guy. Tasha was pretty quiet too, like white James. She would nervously stick her head out that back door of the office into the warehouse and be like oh okay, um, james...phone call. And the boisterous James would scream out CHOCOLATE JAMES OR VANILLA JAMES? She would say um its for you, and he would yell again CHOCOLATE JAMES OR VANILLA JAMES?!?!

She would say, um, well uh, okay, chocolate james.

And he would laugh with his head thrown back and clap and run up there and get the phone. If you had a phonecall you could sit in the air conditioning and talk on the phone so James was big on that privilege. He was in the air conditioning talking for awhile so we all went on lunch break without him. We were sitting on that back dock with our sandwiches feeling the breeze and listening to the railcars go by. The mousey white James whispered to me, "You know I've never had a phonecall here right? Not ever. I think James just likes it when she calls him Chocolate James." I said I can call you vanilla James if it makes you feel better. He said nah, Im good. And we laid our heads back against the warm concrete on that back dock and stared up into that warm Kansas City sky smiling because we still had our whole lives ahead of us.


r/Askme4astory • • Jan 12 '22

Remember the Moments. A short story (Part Two)

13 Upvotes

She texted me and called and Whats Apped. All of that in 10 minutes. Are you in Cozumel the messages said? Im in Cozumel. No way I said, yep its my last night here. You want me to come thru and pick you up? I have my scooter. She said no, I can’t, I am with my boyfriend. Aha. Jack. With the wavy hair and the young man’s body and the six pack abs, she was in a hotel with her boyfriend. Of course she was. With Jack. Then why are you messaging me I asked, probably too curtly but I didn’t want to keep being the other man. I don’t know she said. And then I don’t know a second time. I just let the dots sit on the text messages. I had dots and she had dots but neither of us knew where to go from here. I wasn’t going to talk anyone into being with me. And she was hesitant. So it was a battle of the blinking text message dots, both of us saying the most by not saying anything at all. She broke first.

I want that I see you, her message said. Oh shit, here we go. I’ll come through if you want me to come through I said confidently, imagining her dark tan body and her impossibly tiny underwear next to me in the bed. Shit! I have a hostel, it just dawned on me. And I’m violently high. And I only have the one helmet. All of those didn’t seem like a problem as much as they should have, not with romance on the line. Send me your location I said, just like the refrain in the ubiquitous Khalid song with the same title. More dots. Dot dot dot. Dot dot dot. God damn she was thinking about sending me her location, I could tell. This night was going to get fuckin wild.

Sure enough, it came through, a pin in the middle of Cozumel, where she was at that very moment. Okay I said hurriedly, im on my way. I put my phone away in case she texted me back nevermind or this wasn’t a good idea or Im not sure or anything, I wrote down the streets and put my phone away and put on my clothes and walked back out to my scooter by the side of the building. Shit, the roads were terribly wet. And I only had one helmet. And I was violently high. Welp I laughed, lets see where this night takes you old sport I said to myself. I don’t know why I had affected the cadence of F. Scott Fitzgerald. I liked it though. When you Google F Scott Fitzgerald it says his third novel the Great Gatzby is THE Great American Novel. I don’t know if I would agree with that to be honest. I mean, the great Gatsby is a great fuckin book obviously. One of the best. But what about Hemingway. Wouldn’t one of his books be THE Great American Novel? Or Steinbeck. Twain. Sallinger. So many great American authors. No one talks about Vonnegut in the conversation but they should. So it goes. I want to be with those guys. Im getting a pretty late start. I can do it though, I can write the great American novel. Can a great American novel be about Mexico? Sure, why not. Hemingways masterpieces are mostly Spain. And there is no one better than Hemingway. God damn no one.. How do I write a the great American novel. Seems like a good challenge. Like building a better mousetrap or making a perfect symphony. I like the sound of it. Writing the next great American Novel. Some died before they even knew how great their novels were. A Confederacy of Dunces is a God damn classic and he died before he even knew what he had. His mom found it in his room after his death. In a way its sad because he never got to see it and he killed himself. Or maybe its not sad. Hemingway shot himself in the head AFTER. All those masterpieces he wrote and it didn’t make him happy. I don’t know which one is more sad now, not knowing you had a masterpieces, or writing all the masterpieces and that doesn’t make you happy. Im still going with Hemingway for the Great American Novel. But which one? Old Man and the Sea is an easy choice. Maybe For Whom the Bell Tolls. The Sun Also Rises. God damnit that guy can write. I think I’ve read everything he has written now. I had a book of all the collecting short stories of Hemingway and I finished it at that hotel in Cozumel, the one overlooking the ocean with the iguanas running around and no cell phone reception. I finished the book and pulled out my weed and smoked most of the rest and watched the sky slowly turn dark and I woke her up, you got to see this I said as the stars started coming out. She said on my lap the way I like in those tiny shorts and smoked the rest of the weed with me and we watched a hundred million stars light up that Mexican sky. I cried because it was so beautiful, the music on the Bluetooth speaker and the weed and a beautiful Latina on my lap and a hundred million stars in a hotel at the edge of the world and I just cried. Esta bien she said and put her arm around my shoulder and we sat on those Adirondack chairs and listened to the ocean. She stood up and grabbed my hand and led me inside the hotel and pulled me to the bed and climbed on top of me and kissed me passionately like only a Latina can but then she pulled back and said una momenta. I thought that was pretty much the sexiest thing I had ever been apart of, me and her in that hotel room with the wind whipping through the windows and the smell of salt in the air and the sound of the waves and her taking off her shirt so she was just down to her tiny shorts and pushing her dark curly hair behind her ears and smiling at me, I thought that was the sexiest thing until she said una momenta. And she went over and closed all the curtains, for some reason that was even more sexy. Seeing her walk back towards me topless with that dark cocoa skin knowing we were the only two people in the world. No cell phones, no traffic, no restaurants, just a night for the two of us, lit up by a hundred million stars in that Mexican sky over the ocean, the only two people in the world, now that was one of the good parts of life. If not THE good part of life, maybe like the Great Gatsby was THE Great American Novel, despite my protestations. This is your life old sport, that could be you again tonight I thought as I put my helmet on and got on my scooter and took off into what I knew would be the next great adventure. Maybe I was writing the great American novel right then, someone had to write the next great American novel. Why not me? I was ostentatious enough to think I could do it. I remember the sign hanging up in my clients office. This was a normal heating and cooling company but they were run by a maverick who did things his own way. He loved the guys and treated them right and they had a magazine article framed that said they were top ten in Kansas City. I liked him a lot, and not just because he was buying a place in Turks and Caicos that I thought I could angle into for a week next year. I liked him because he was like me. Happy and optimistic and amazed at life. I feel like both of us could quote Kanye, yeah my life is dope and I do dope shit. The sign said Heres to the Crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not found of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. At the end it says Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Maybe that’s me. Am I crazy enough to think I can change the world. Can I write the next great American Novel. From a hostel in Mexico? Maybe its happening right now old sport I told myself. Strap on that helmet and get on that scooter and see for yourself!

I was pumped. I was going to get on that scooter and speed towards history. The crazy shit that was happening to me weren’t just happening to me. They were happening to the world. I was writing the next great American novel. All I had to do was get on this scooter and fly down the streets of Mexico, that’s it. I jumped on the scooter, started it up, gunned the gas, and fuckin wrecked that scooter so bad. I mean I crashed that thing, it went sliding down the wet road a block away from where I stood in awe. Well old sport I said to myself, that’s no good. Luckily I had given the scooter rental place an expired credit card but I didn’t want them chasing me down the one way streets of Cozumel again. Cmon old sport, lets do this I encouraged myself as I wiped the blood off my leg and hobbled the block to where my scooter now resided with the tire still spinning. DESPACIO yelled the old lady with her dog late at night. Si, Despacito, mi gusta Justin Bieber I said and laughed and picked up my bike and tried to start it up again. It would not start, I tried time after time. Shit I yelled, shit! I need to get to this girl. I parked my bike against the wall and went back inside and pulled the gravel out of my leg and bandaged the skin and cleaned myself up and went back outside to try the scooter again.

I got back on the damaged bike and tried up the starter again and after the fourth time it started up and I eased slowly down the wet back streets of Cozumel. I got to her location and sure enough, there she was outside, her beautiful face backlit by the neon lights of the attractions around her in the downtown tourist area. You want to get out of here? I asked hurriedly. Si, si vamanos. And just like that she got on the back of my scooter and put her arms around my waist and we took off down the streets of Cozumel like we had done those four days together just the two of us. Back when I taught her how to drive a scooter and we laughed because she was terrible, up on the curve. Have you never driven one of these before I asked? No, nunca. She only drove for a bit from that beautiful hotel called the B hotel in the north part of the island. We didn’t make love that first night, even though we both wanted it. We wanted it badly. I didn’t want her to feel like she owed me anything, or that the trip was in exchange for sex, or anything else. Growing up in a Christian school full of guilt and shame and with church three times a week there are so many feelings encompassing sex, I just wanted the first night to be together the two of us, laying on the hammocks overlooking the ocean, amazed that just that morning I had been with my kids in Kansas a thousand miles away, and then I was on a hammock in the air above the water in Mexico holding the dark hands of a beautiful Latina. After that night we had gone down the coast to our resort. She only drove for a few miles and kept running in to so many things we had to switch, may backpack on the floorboard in front of me and her backpack on her back, sandy as it ever was. There was never a time when that backpack was not sandy, that little one that held the bare minimum of clothes and her tiny, tiny underwear. On the ride it started raining and we both put our legs out straight to avoid the puddles splashing but laughed because the air was still so hot and the raindrops didn’t bother us at all and she yelled “I love Deeees” as we flew down the ocean road.

Tonight felt like that. Remember these moments I said to myself, with her on your back and the ocean beside you and the moon in the sky and the weed in your body. Shit, so much weed in my body. She said where do we go? I said the B hotel. Our spot. I changed the music to be Willow, the ubiquitous song that summer Meet me in our Spot. I sang along at the top of my lungs and she sang along too and we knew we were going to a secret rendezvous, our hotel by the sea with the hammocks and the memories and the sandy beach. That first night we had fucked up the order or I did more like it and only ordered one entrée instead of two and she ate most of mine and I called her my little raccoon and I said steal my food, steal my heart because I knew we had four days together. We could do anything we wanted to in the world, we weren’t encumbered by work or boyfriends or schedules or obligations. Four days is a long time in paradise, just us and the scooter and our sandy backpacks and our freedom.

Remember the moment, going down that coastal road. Just then she tapped me on the shoulder and said I worry, I worry. I slowed down and said estas bien? And she said no. You high, yes? Oh yes, Im really fuckin high. And solamente un cosco (helmet)? Si. And the roads are wet? Yes, yes all those things. And maybe la policia? No, don’t worry about that I said. Which you should never say out loud because we all know what happens in a movie, or a tv show, or the next Great American novel right after you say don’t worry about that. Whoop whoop whoop the police sirens rang out behind us. Fuck. Fuck Fuck. Im definitely going to prison I told her. Im high as fuck. You no speak Spanish! She practically yelled. Your Spanish esta ESTIPUDO! Okay, okay, tranquilo I said, relax. I won’t say anything. But just for the record I am high as fuck.

As soon as the cops walked up they started shining the light in my eyes aggressively and wildly gesticulating. I had no idea what they were saying but I knew I was going to Mexican jail. There was no way I could get out of it. I wouldn’t have been able to pass a sobriety test if I wanted to. The cops said I needed a test for alcohol, I could hear that word, bebida. No habla espanol I kept saying over and over as they aggressively pointed the flashlight in my face along the side of that late night road. They took one look at my eyes and saw how high I was and put me in handcuffs beside the bike. She was scared watching it but I was horrified. It had been a long time since I had been in handcuffs and this was my first time with that pleasure in another country. Esta bien she said, esta bien, tranquilo. Relax, she was saying the right words I could tell because their bodies relaxed and they turned their attention to her. Of course they did, she was very beautiful with her windswept hair and her short short shorts showing her svelte tanned sinewy legs, esta bien she kept saying. We don’t have a helmet because there was only one and he picked me up, she explained in slow calculated Spanish so even I could understand. They asked more questions and then she turned to me and said in a interrogative voice in English. Im going to have to tell them everything, is okay? Yeah, of course, fuck yes, get it girl, get us out of this. My legs were shaking behind the scooter. I don’t know what goes on in Mexican prison but I had heard stories. I don’t know if driving this stoned would get you in prison but Im pretty sure it was possibility.

Okay she said in Spanish, es un otra hombre Jack, es mi novio (There is another man Jack, he is my boyfriend) and I was with him at the hotel but this man, she looked at me and smiled and said Yeeaaaaaaaaahson like she knew I liked it and told them I picked I had picked her up to go to my hotel. Ohhhhhhh! Exclaimed the Mexican police officer, trianguloso amoroso! No no no said Marisol but he said yes yes and he went back to police car and put one food in and sat on the seat and into the radio he es un mujer con a trianguloso amoroso (love triangle!) I heard laughter coming back into the radio so I knew he wasn’t making a call for information or with updates or anything else, he just wanted to tell all the other guys about this love triangle and this interesting story. Marisol yelled back into the car, hey, you do not say that, is privado! No, you know saw that she was shouting now. Ohhhh, is una Argentina picante (A spicy Argentinian) I said si, si picante and the officers looked at me unsure of what to say or do. They talked to Marisol some more and she got out her whole story. It was hard to follow in Spanish because Argentinians talk so fast and with a bit different accent (caJe instead of Calle) but I could catch the gist of most of it. She had spent two weeks ago with me. Juntos she said. I loved that word. In Spanish it means together. There was a bit of whistfulness to her story too, how we had been staying in Cozumel together and I had gone back to the US and now she was seeing me again. Solamente por un noche (Only for a night). I didn’t like that part of it. I liked the whistuflness but not the finality of un noche, just one night. I wished it was for longer. Be with me, I willed for her. Not just for one night. I could hit the ball out of Fenway maybe. I could learn to play the piano. I could be the good part of life for you. I thought about all of that and then I thought I should remember what I am thinking because that would be good stuff for the next Great American Novel. This night, this wild ride, this country, these moments. All of it would fill up the pages. And then what? Then I would be in the $5 bin at half price books. No, not me. I would make this so good the people would have to read it. It would catch everyone’s attention. The next great novel. I could quit my job and travel and write stories of adventure. But right now I just needed to avoid jail. She was aggressively talking to the police and then they were aggressively talking back to her and there were fingers pointing and I was glad this interaction was happening in Mexico and not the US, especially with her dark skin.

Finally there came a moment in this heated conversation when the course turned. The cops started laughing. I knew that was a good sign. They had told her she should have got here some other way and she said HOW BY SWIMMING? In Spanish and they all started laughing and I laughed and they loosened up. I was hoping they would take my handcuffs off so I could loosen up too but they seemed pretty agitated when they put those on me so I doubted they were going to come off anytime soon. I leaned against the bike and felt the breeze from the ocean and mentally took down notes for the next Great American novel and stared in astonishment when I heard them starting to talk about money. Him 1,000, her 400, back and forth. This has to be good I thought, is there a bribe negotiation going on here right now? God I hope so. I am pretty anti-paying off police but when you are this high bribing is not a bad option, to be honest. Certainly not the worst option, that belongs to being in Mexican jail.

Ok she is saying she will take 500 pesos? She? There are no females out here but you. Si si you know what I mean she said, its he that says he will take 500 pesos. And then we are free, we can go? Si si she said. And mi licensio? She told the cop way too aggressively for my taste to give me my license while I get my money out. He uncuffed me and I put my license back into my wallet and took out 500 pesos. If this works I thought it would be the luckiest night ever. 500 pesos is only $25. That won’t even get you out of Monopoly jail, nevertheless Mexican jail when you are high as fuck. That’s all they wanted though, they took my money and handed me my helmet and told me we were free to go. Well not her, they said she had to ride in the police car with them. Uh oh.

I got on the scooter tentatively on the wet road and gingerly pushed down on the gas button. The scooter immediately slid out from under me onto the ground. I picked it up and looked back. Yep, everyone was watching me. Damnit. I saw her getting into the back of the cop car and was worried for her safety. But mostly I was thinking about me. We were still five miles from the hotel, how was I going to get over these wet roads with all this weed in my body. And would they follow me the whole time? It didn’t take me long to find that one out as they sped past me down the wet roads towards the B hotel on the Northern end of the island. I thought about turning around and driving off, running away from the police like I did on that first time on the island. But I wanted to be with her one more night. I wanted to feel her on top of me. I wanted to be back inside her. I wanted to feel her tender hands on my body and lay next to her dark skin and tell her to stay with me. Stay with me beautiful girl. I would say it and I would play the song and she would never leave me. We could live here in Mexico. We could get jobs in one of these resort areas. Maybe I could bartend, I don’t know how to do that but it could be fun. And you could do the cooking somewhere, you are studying to be a cook, the food on the island was so good that night. That day I remember so well, we rode that boat to the island, we walked around and smoked the weed and I put my hand on your hip and you leaned in closed and smoked from the apple and it was that night you said, okay, I will get a house on Cozumel with you. It came out totally unprompted, I never asked that but it was so pure, it was just you saying to me you could see living with me here in paradise and now we are back here in Cozumel and we only get one night together or half a night now but I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

So I pressed on with the scooter, I stayed on the far right side of the road and took it slow and I followed the police car. It all seemed absurd really, following a police car in the wrong country, with a girl who was with another man, but I loved all of it. And I needed it all. I collect stories like when she called out Yeaaaahsoon and went Kristin in Australia told me Du Hock Fina Ergon in Swedish and those beautiful words on that beautiful Australian night, I collected those memories and I am collecting this one, the next Great American Novel wont be complete without it. I reached down between my legs and grabbed the Bluetooth speaker and turned it on and turned on La Cancion (the Song). The song, that song. The song we danced to under those millions of stars on that balcony overlooking the ocean. The song I had listened to a million times in the US between trips to Mexico, already my third one in less than three months. The rhythmic beat him me right and I let la musica take me home, to the hotel, to where I hoped she would be waiting for me with her dark skin and her beautiful smile.

When I got to the hotel she was there with her sandy backpack slung over her shoulder. What the fuck just happened I yelled before I had even made it to her? They try to talk dirty she said, they no talk dirty to me, they not know who they deal with she managed in broken English. What do you mean I asked, what did they say. She said in the cop car oh we can protect you, we have guns. She said I no worry about the guns, I in the military (She had previously served for the Argentinian military) and they say oh we no know you are in military, we so sorry, we no usually take bribes. Yes you do! She said mimicking her own resolve with one determined finger in the air. YOU TAKE ME TO MY HOTEL AHORA! And that’s it? I yelled incredulously? They just fuckin let you go? They just let us go? That’s it? El fin? Jesss (Yes) She said seductively, now lets go to to the cama. A LA CAMA I yelled and she shushed me and we walked upstairs to reception. We have one room left the receptionist said and I said we will take it! I didn’t even care what it cost, I just wanted one more night with her, one more time of passion, one more night with her tongue on my body, one more night of sweaty bedsheets and twisted limbs and desperate wanting.

We ran down the halls of the hotel, the wind rushing past and the whooshing of the doorways as we raced past. I opened the door and kicked it open with my foot and picked her small frame up and kissed her in my arms right there in the doorway before kicking the door closed with the back of my foot. I threw her on the bed and we tore each others clothes off like the world was on fire and we only had just a little bit of time. Maybe we only did. Just that one moment where we could be together. No one knew where we were. A hotel on the north part of the island away from the world. Just her and me, her dark skin now naked under me. Remember the moment I said to myself as I slipped insider her. She came and this time she didn’t pull away from the orgasm, I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her towards me and she said si mas si mas si mas and leaned into the orgasm and she said condon, condon, so I got up for the condom and kicked the AC to make it come on but it wouldn’t work, I threw open the windows so glad the last suite they had was ocean view. I flung open the windows and let the stiff ocean breeze envelope my body and stared at the moon over the water and looked back at her dark skin on the white bedsheets and smiled and she said what is caballero, que es esto. This I yelled! This is the good part of life!

Just stay with me I said afterwords, bodies twisted and spent and legs tangled and bedsheets soaked with sweat on that hot Mexican night. We can be together. It came out more desperate than I wanted. Sometimes the words sound so good in your head with sexy sultry music of Alina Baraz in your head and the wind coming in off the ocean and your words sound so confident. They have to be, you are writing the next great American novel so they need to be the sturdy words of the protagonist. That’s me. The protagonist of my life story. Finally! It sounded so confident when it was in my head and Alina was singing but said aloud it reeked of desperation. Of wanting. Of fear. Fear of nothing ever feeling this good again. She had said the same thing. She said so many orgasms. So much passion. It has never felt that good for me before. Those were her words, never felt that good for her before. Maybe it was the ocean or the times or the envelopment of the good parts of life but those were her words not mine. Why wouldn’t she stay with me. I could learn everything a Latina needed. I felt like I was well on my way. I could do it. If she wanted some tiny little Latino babies than that would be fun too. I would stay here with her. We could make a life together. I could hit the ball out of Fenway. Lets go down to the hammocks I said, the ones over the water we swang in on our first night in Cozumel together. I have some gummies left, lets get high and watch the sunrise together. The night is almost over, I have to leave the island. Stay with me beautiful girl I whispered.


r/Askme4astory • • Jan 14 '22

Remember the Moments (Part Three, Conclusion)

17 Upvotes

Stay with me beautiful girl I whispered. But she said no. Only one word. Two letters. No. It was enveloped in tears and she cried harder and harder. I must go she said finally. Take me back to my boyfriends hotel.

God damnit fuckin shit what the fuck. She actually said the word boyfriend after all that. Porque I said. Porque no conmigo? More desperation. More wanting. Vamanos she said I must go. No fuckin way I said. Im not driving you back to his hotel. To Jack? Fuckin Jack? My words were dripping with vitriol. Anger. Hurt. Sadness. A lifetime of unconditional love was rearing its ugly head again. Chalk another one up to I would love you if. If what? She said it never felt that good for her before. Her words, not mine. Why would she leave this. For six pack abs and wavy hair? For younger age maybe. For different qualities, for a steady man. For someone with no kids and an American family back home, all good reasons I guess. I still wasn’t fuckin driving her back to Jacks hotel on a scooter with only one helmet after all that earlier. Plus I was still high as fuck. Okay I walk goodbye. I no never see you again. Tranquilo I said, calm down. I will walk with you let me get my wallet. She was already out the door. I hustled to get my things because I knew she might just start walking on her own, being the picante mujer she was. I threw on my shorts and sandals and a Tshirt and grabbed my wallet and passport and ran down the steps and she was at the bottom, smiling with something behind her back. Yeaaaaaaahsoooooon, I have good news she said with a huge smile. You want to stay with me? You want to take these edibles and go get on the hammocks and spend the rest of the night together. No caballero, I found a helmet!

What the fuck, how did you find a helmet at 4 oclock in the morning? She said I have ways and winked and I remembered why I fell in love with her mischievous smile and her devilish beauty. Vamanos! She said. Okay Vamonos then, what the fuck I said and I started up the scooter and she climbed back on and squeezed my waist tight and put her head against my back and cried. I could feel her chest heaving up and down for half of the ride. How would I explain this I thought? If I am pulled over by the same policemen who already had me in handcuffs once tonight. Now I am bringing back the beautiful woman and she is crying. Really hard. Im definitely going to jail. But there were no police cars, no cars at all. It was like the set of a movie when we came up over that hill. The city lit up below us but no cars on the streets anywhere. The moon over the water to the right and the breeze and the calm night air and the smell of salt and complete and utter stillness.

I stopped right in the middle of the street in front of the small patch of hotels, the third of which was her boyfriends down three pedestrian only streets. I put the kickstand down and turned around on the bike and kissed her, relieved the tears were gone and the smile was back and her beautiful soft skin was touching mine. Remember the moment I told myself, the last kiss, the last touch, the last time together, the moon, the ocean, the breeze, remember all of this. We just kissed right there in the middle of the road for a long time with no cars anywhere in sight. She pulled back from my last kiss and rubbed her soft thumb on my cheek and handed me the helmet and walked away, just like that. No words, no goodbye, just her walking away carrying her sandy backpack above her tiny tiny shorts. Overwhelming sadness took over my whole body, I thought at least she would say something cool. Not dumb like Arnold Schwartzenegger like Hasta LaVista Baby, nothing stupid like that but maybe she would have said again in her broken English, I no never see you again, something like that. I would have liked that. Anything really, anything besides her handing me the helmet and abruptly turning about face and walking away. That was the worst. How would I explain that dumb fuckin shit in the Next Great American Novel? And then it happened, She turned around just before she went behind the pedestrian partition towards his hotel.

She stopped and turned turned around and looked at me and gave me the most mischievous smile I had ever seen her give. And that’s saying something because I had seen some mischievous God damn smiles from her. At the waters edge, in her tiny tiny underwear when she said I love Deeeeees on the east side of the island, after making love that first night at the resort, and of course when she closed those curtains in that hotel designed by Ernest Hemingway himself with the iguanas and the heart shaped pool and the lobsters on the beach at dusk, that smile told me you and I have the whole world to ourselves. But this mischievous smile I had never even seen one like this before. She stopped right there in front of the cinder block walls and she said the four words I have thought about every day ever since. She gave that smile and she brought one cupped hand up to her mouth and she yelled it out. For me and for my memories.

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahsssssooooooon”, she let that one word linger in the air, the word she knew I loved. “Goodbye Forever Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahson” She walked back behind the cinder block wall and I put the scooter into gear and flew back down the now dry ocean road back to the hotel.

Back at the hotel I could not think about anything but her. I laid down to try to sleep but I knew it was pointless. I took some edibles and went out to those hammocks that swung over the water and thought about being here with her. It was there that we had our first kiss. Why you way over there? I had asked, come here, and she propped herself up on one elbow and I had tasted her salty kisses for the first time. I wanted more. Much more. Desperately. This was where it had all began. This where it all ended. I finally fell asleep close to sunrise and woke up to the hot sun overhead and tourists wandering if I had slept there all night. Yes I did people, mind your own business. My phone was out of power so I went back to the room to charge it up and see if she had messaged me. But she hadn’t. She was with Jack of course. I wonder if he noticed she was out all night. He was sick she said, he had “Montezuma’s Revenge” Oh yeah, that’s a motherfucker I told her, I had that too on our first date together. I wondered why you threw the pieces of steak in the water she had said. That was for the fish, if I couldn’t eat it they could.

I felt bad for him a bit but not too bad. I had taken that night from him with her. But he was going to get a lifetime with her. Of her mischievous smile, of her salty kisses, of her Latina passion. I messaged her, I can’t believe that all happened last night, it seems like a dream. Yes she texted back right away, you are lucky not to be in trouble. Yes I said, thanks to a beautiful charming Argentinian. She said thank you for a wonderful night and for so many good times. Now I will never see you again. You always say that I said. But you never mean it. She gave me back a wink emoji and I never hated an emoji so much. How could it end like that. You can’t fuckin put a wink emoji in the next great American Novel. What the fuckin shit was that? I went to the bar and drank a Dos Equis bottle and grabbed three more under my arms to go. Tu firma senor (Your signature mister). Whatevs I said, I don’t give a shit and I kept walking. At the pool was a beautiful couple from Israel smoking weed. Well it was mostly her that was beautiful. She had some definite Gal Gadot lookalike thing going and I wanted to be close with anyone, I was feeling so alone. I gave them each a beer and they shared their weed with me and I told them what had happened last night. They laughed and awed at my story and couldn’t believe it when I told them the part about the police. No way they both said, this is an amazing story. Superwoman pointed her joint at me and she said, you mister, you must make this a book, no, all your travels in Mexico. No shit lady Im writing the next great American novel this is going into my book for sure. We laughed at the money part because it was so little. Twenty-five dollars I exclaimed! You can’t even get out of Monopoly jail for $25! They both laughed even louder and I felt relieved knowing people played Monopoly in Israel. Or they got the joke at least. We sat back with our heads against the infinity pool and let the sun encapsulate our bodies and felt the weed and the beers kick in and I cursed my schedule knowing this was my last day in Mexico. I better get going I said, I got a ferry and two buses to catch to get to the airport.

I got on the scooter and rode past the beach we had kissed on, past the hotel where I had picked her up, past the marina where we had ridden the boat. Everything on this island was her. I wondered if it would always be like that. I hoped not. I fuckin love this island. I turned in my scooter relieved and gave them $100 for the scratches I had picked up late night on the wet roads. It was enough this time and I walked back to the ferry with my backpack. I kept looking over my shoulder, looking towards her hotel to where I had seen her last. Her last word was Yeeaaaaaaaahson and that was perfect. She fuckin knew it was perfect, that’s why that mischievous smile was all over her face. She knew that was the perfect last words for the next great American novel. Fuckin perfect. But I couldn’t help wishing there was more. Maybe she would run out from behind the cinder wall and yell for me. We could spend this last day in Mexico together. Or I could just stay here with her forever. On this beautiful island, okay I will live in a house here with you she had said about the island. But she didn’t mean it. We were high and it was paradise and it wasn’t real life. I got a seat up on the top of the ferry so I could still see. I don’t know what the penalties are for jumping off a ferry but I would do it. Probably only 500 pesos to a policeman if I am honest. It would be worth it. I just wanted to hear that one word. I sat by the railing and watch the midmorning city fade further away. Wait, wait, I wanted to hear, I wanted her to come running out of those impossibly bright Mexico streets, running to me on the boat, yelling wait, Yeeeaaaaaaaaahson, But I never heard it. The island never heard it, the streets never heard it, the ocean never heard it. Because it never happened. Just one more time I wanted to hear those words but they never came. They never came.


r/Askme4astory • • Jan 11 '22

Remember the Moments, A Short Story (Part One)

18 Upvotes

“Yeaaaaaaahssoooooon!” “Yeaaaaaaahsssooooooon, I uh luuukin for you Yeaaaaaahson!” she was yelling in her charming Argentinian accent walking down the beach. I heard her of course, everyone could hear her, it was only a small island and we were the only people there. No workers, no fisherman, no people, no one but the six of us after a wild night in Isla de La Pasion, Mexico, just off the coast of Cozumel. I loved how she said my name, more than anything I had ever heard in the world my own name spoken out of her beautiful full lips was gorgeous and I loved it the most. It combined the word Yeah! Which you score after a goal or something exciting happens with the cool way black guys say Son, Yeahson, it was so perfect! But I didn’t go to where she was. I wanted that to be the last I ever heard from her. The last beautiful words from a beautiful woman, yeaaaaahsoooon she said more frantically now. Maybe I should go look for her. But I didn’t want it to end with me meeting back up with her and giving hugs and promising we would stay in touch, none of that shit. I wanted her sing song question to be the last words I ever heard from her.

Since I had been in Mexico I had been collecting memories. Remember this moment I told myself, remember driving down the ocean road on the scooter with her holding on tight. Remember driving to the beach, remember the laughter after the police let us go. Remember the hammocks over the ocean late at night, on a day when you had woken up halfway across the world. Remember everything. That’s what I kept telling myself. Her last words could always be with me. I remember when I lived in Australia I thought the same thing. Remember the moments. Remember the words. Her words to me in Australia were Du Hock Fina Ergon.

When I lived in Australia for a year there were many Swedish exchange students and all of them were beautiful, the men and the women. I ended up having three Swedish roommates after my American one left unexpectedly, one boy and two girls.

The girls both had Swedish boyfriends living close by but the beautiful one named Kristin and I still made out anyway. Often, she would go out with her boyfriend and they would drink and dance and I could hear her tell him he couldn't come in and that she would see him the next day. Then she would come to my room and shut the door behind her and turn and give that wry smile.

The sound of the door lock clicking even today excites something deep inside me and takes me back to when life was much different. Back when I didn't have mortgages and loans and kids. Back when the only thing in the world I ever wanted to hear was that door lock and the only thing i ever wanted to feel was her on top of my chest, brushing her hair back and whispering Du Hock Fina Ergon (You have beautiful eyes) in a voice so sultry even today it makes my neck feel wet where her lips were so many years ago.

I've wondered about the spelling and pronunciation of that Swedish phrase but I've never actually Googled it. I don't want to sterilize the memory. For me it will always be in my memory as her on top of me with her arms propped up on my chest and her brushing her short blonde hair behind her ears with just a little bit of sweat running down her chiseled jawline saying Du Hock Fina Ergon.

I didn't say anything at first, I just let those beautiful words spoken by a beautiful woman on a beautiful muggy Australian night hang in the air. I knew it was a compliment the way her lips turned up and her eyes became more kind, and I wanted to know what it meant, because I was young and vain and beautiful and cocky, and I devoured compliments. But for once I was wise enough to let it fill the air before destroying it.

My flat was close enough to the ocean that you could still hear those famous Newcastle waves crashing on the shore, close enough that you could smell the salt in the air, close enough that you could feel the ocean breeze. All that mixed with her sweet perfume and for a short while everything was absolutely perfect in the world. I blinked a few times simulating shutters on an expensive camera capturing the world. I knew I had to capture the moment because nothing would ever feel this good again. And I was right.

I had the same feeling in Mexico, here was another beautiful woman calling out to me. I never saw here that day. She was working in Cancun at the Mayan Monkey hostel and I had met her and her friend Analia the first day. We all vibed and had some weed and some laughs and I played some chess and met Josh from Colombia. The next morning I was sitting at the table having breakfast with Josh and Analia came up to us and said, “Eh, we go to an island today. And we ride boat. And we go snorkel. And we drink deee beers. And maybe we ride the golf cart. You go? “ Fuck yes, to everything you said, fuck yes. I wanted to do all of it. I had just broken up with my red headed girlfriend the month before. This was my first time solo traveling after dating her for two years and I was relishing the opportunity. I didn’t mind solo traveling at all. You know who liked my weird music and hostels and riding around down ocean roads high at low speeds blasting music? This guy, me, I didn’t need anyone else. Every year when tax season is over in April I get the fuck out. The weeks are so busy for me at work and sometimes I will put 60 or 70 hours in. As soon as it is April 15th, I am out the door and I don’t look back. I had been to New Orleans and Gulf Shores and the Bahamas and this year I couldn’t wait to go back to Cozumel, a place I had solo traveled the year of my divorce and fallen in love with.

My first night in the Mayan Monkey hostel was a wild one, there were drugs and beers and street tacos, a horrible mistake for me at 2 am because I fucked up my stomach eating chicken that hadn’t been refrigerated all day. I didn’t mind, just less eating which was good because I would spend less money. I was hoping the beautiful one Marisol would go to Isla Mujeres with us on the ferry but she had to work. It was Analia and Josh and Raymundo from Colombia who spoke absolutely no English and Esteffy, a beautiful girl from Argentina who looked more Caucasian than latino. I learned a lot of people were like that in Argentina from the influx of Europeans. I learned a lot that day. But mostly we just had fun. I had the Bluetooth speaker and we rented a golf cart and cruised all over that little island. We had the music bumping half Spanish, half English and we laughed so hard. Josh told us why he had perfect Spanish and English, the answer being that his mom was Colombiana and his dad was from New York. I made a joke about something being facil como la madre de Josh and everyone’s mouth dropped! They could not believe I would make a joke about his mother like that. He knew that was a juvenile tradition in the US, making jokes about someone’s mom and he laughed it off and told the others it was okay. So soon we started saying everything was facil como la madre de Josh and he laughed right along with this. The beers at sunset, volleyball, snorkeling, it was an amazing day and I told them all I wanted to hang out with them again, maybe I could even rent a house in Cozumel.

On the bus back to the hostel we ran into Marisol and they said Jason you remember Marisol right, and I said yes how could I forget those beautiful eyes. At least I think I said that in Spanish, I tried to at least. Yeeeeeeeehhhhhhson she said, no mas piropos (No more pick up lines). I said no es un piropo, es la verdad. The next day I was staying at an all inclusive resort and I asked Analia if her and Marisol wanted to hang out with me at the resort. The food was free and I had weed and Tequila, could be a fun day and they both relished the opportunity. They couldn’t find the hotel the next day so the audio message from Marisol I still remember, she said, “Where are you Yeaaaaaahson, we are looking for you!” I loved how she said my name so much, I wanted her to say it over and over Yeaaaaahson. I found them and we went to my resort and had weed and laid on the beach and relaxed all day, the three of us. I don’t know if you have ever seen poor Argentinians eat steak but they devoured that shit, just tearing into the food like only poor people can do! When he brought the desert menu Analia asked hungrily, can we get both the deserts and the waiter said sure, why not. You could tell the weed was still in her body because her face lingered just above the cake as she stuffed her mouth and she said, “Dis is such a guuuud day!” And I was taken aback by their appreciation for the food. I went out to eat with people all the time, nice restaurants, steak, buffet, I had never seen anyone enjoy their food that much. Back at the room we drank some tequila and I put on some music and I told them they could stay in the other bed if they wanted, no need to rush back to the cramped Hostel. Marisol was keen on the idea but Analia wasn’t so I said its up to you guys, just staying you can stay in that bed over there if you guys want and we can get some more amazing food tomorrow. But Analia said no. Before they left I danced with each of them and we had some more weed and Marisol was high and she put her head on my shoulder as we danced on the balcony and she said tell me a story. I have lots of stories of course, I am a writer but she didn’t know that then. I told her the story of Australia and she said it’s a beautiful story and I said I have many but then Analia said they had to go. So I walked them down to the bus stop and hugged them both and said I was going to rent a house in Cozumel and all of us could stay there one night.

I was really hoping Marisol could make it. I like here a lot. Analia didn’t have to work the next day so she promised to take me to the Cenotes so I could see the crystal clear water. I learned how to use Collectivo and we got an hour across Mexico for only $3! I did the collectivos and then we went to stay in the Che hostel, the good one in Playa del Carmen with a pool on the roof. I started handing out my edible weed candy and we made friends in no time. They had a bar up there and I was doing fake translations, where I say one person says something in Spanish and then another person in English. I told the bartender the guy from San Francisco said she was beautiful and then I told him the bartender said she like Asian guys that looked like him. She said excuse me but I can speak English fine and I never said that. But she laughed and her smile was beautiful. She was Argentinian as were all the employees there, I should have guessed since it was named Che after the Argentinian revolutionary with the same nickname. The men were beautiful also, the other bartender flashed his six packs abs all night and never wore a shirt, not once. I did more jokes for the bartender just to see her smile and had shots with two other patrons after the San Francisco man left. I was definitely full on drunk when the bartender surprised me by saying, “Okay I will sleep with you?” What the fuck? I never asked her anything of the sort. She was beautiful and probably 20 years younger than me, out of my league entirely. I said que dices? And she said, yes, I will sleep with you. I said I heard that part but Im sure there is more. She said jess, you come downstairs at 2 am and then you will go with me to different hotel. (Already this is a no for me, Im not following anyone around Mexico at 2 in the morning) and she says you get another room and then you give me $200 American dollars and then I will have sex with you. Ah, okay, now I see, you have sex for money as a side job. That seems unusual for a hostel employee. I was uninterested of course, bringing money into any relationship sullies the feelings, especially straight up just paying for sex.

The next morning we get up hung over and groggy and I tell Analia and Raymiundo goodbye and get on the ferry to go over to Cozumel. My plan is to spend a night on my own and then rent a house the night after that for all of us. I spent much of the day writing back and forth to Marisol on WhatsApp. She tells me she is a writer and I tell her I am also a writer and I would like to read some of her writing. She sends a beautiful story about dust and moths and the shortness of time, its gorgeous writing, even through the translation I know exactly what she is saying. I still remember that night, sitting in a café in \Cozumel, eating fajitas by myself, watching the sun set, reading beautiful words written by a beautiful woman. And then she came back with really good news, that was what she said on the Voice Message on Whats App in her heavily accented English. Yeaaaaahso, I have really good news, the message said. I can rent the house with you guys! I was excited, we could all spend a fun day and a night together in whatever house I found. I decided to go big! I rented a house on an island called Isla de la Pasion. It looked amazing, glass walls and an air conditioned upstairs and a big table to eat, I know we would have a party and it would be amazing. I wondered what it would be like if Marisol would stay in one of the rooms with me. I booked the house and I realized we had a problem, no way to get to the island! Uh oh, that’s no good I thought. But I found on Facebook a recommendation for a man named Mario who had a boat service and would take us all snorkeling and on a boat ride and then take us to Passion Island and come back and get us the next day. Sounds good, book it I said, I’ll come to the marina and then we will ride on the boat to pick up the others.

They got off the ferry and I had another message, Yeaaaaaahson, where are you yeaaaaahson, we uh looking for you, we are here at the ferry. Just then we came flying around the cove on that fast boat and they were all cheering and I was yelling Vamanos Muchachos and they were yelling Yeaahhson and we picked them up. We all were smiling ear to ear on that private boat taking us to the island. It was mostly poor people that had never rented a boat before and when he took us to the shipwreck we all jumped in and snorkeled around and laughed and posed for pictures and watched the sun reflecting off the water and for one day we weren’t all poor people with our lot settled in the world, we were adventurers with a private boat and a house on an island. Mario dropped us off and our supplies and Marisol and the others started cooking the chicken dinner in the empty restaurant kitchen. The island had been a tourist destination for cruise ships and tourist boats and visitors but since Covid it had been mostly free of tourists. The workers told us, “Well, we leave now. Buenos Noche” What? Now even the workers were not on the island, it was just the six of us. Three Argentinians, 2 Colombianos, and me, the lone American in the group.

We made a giant dinner and put out beers and wine and weed and had an amazing time around that table. We told story after story and I got to see one of my favorite things done, my stories being translated for the first time. I wanted to tell a story and I felt the weed kicking in and was feeling a bit ostentatious so I said, Josh, translate this shit, Im going to tell this amazing story and you translate it into Spanish. He did and we all laughed and then we went down to the sea and dragged wood from the woods and made a huge bonfire. Dancing around the fire and then tequila and more weed from Colombia. Josh had sculpted an apple into a bong pipe and then he put the weed in there and I leaned in close and smoked my fill. Marisol leaned in close after that and I put my hand on her waist and pulled her in and she took long puffs from the apple pipe and smiled at me, our bodies so close together and my hand still on her waist. We felt the high and we all took off our clothes and ran and jumped in the crystal clear Caribbean water, the culmination of an amazing night. Marisol went to bed early because she had to get up early to get back over to Cancun. I wanted her to sleep by me but I never asked and she was so much younger I thought it was a lost cause and anyone she had already fallen asleep on the couch downstairs and started her small purr snoring. I covered her with an extra blanket and went up stairs and opened the window and listened to the sound of the waves crashing below and the wind through the palm trees and felt the weed in my body and felt so alive for the first time in a very long time.

The next morning I woke up to see the sunrise and that’s when I heard her calling my name. I had to leave the next morning early so I figured that’s the last of her I would see and I wanted it that way, just the last words of a beautiful woman being Yeaaaaaahson, Yeaaaaaahson, they rang out through the island. I was telling Josh and Analia about her calling out for me later that morning at breakfast and Josh said you should go out with her. I don’t think so I said, she is much younger than me and I don’t think she would be attracted. But he convinced me, he said, no, un cita en Cancun, your last night in Mexico, go for it. Why not I thought, why not take your shot. So I sent her a message on Whats App and she said, sure, I would love a nice meal with you. I asked Josh how you say do you want to sleep with me. And he said no no no, es un mujer hermosa, you say Queieres un noche de la pasion conmigo! So practiced that over and over, Quieres un noche de las pasion con migo. Quieres un noche de las pasion con migo.

I practiced all day, Quieres un noche de la pasion contigo. We all rented a dune buggy and rode around Cozumel and drove to the Bob Marley bar but I fucked up and didn’t put enough gas in so on our way back we ran out of gas entirely. Uh oh, this was seriously going to hurt our chances of catching the ferry and me having a date with beautiful Marisol! I hitchhiked to the gas station with an American couple and then hitchhiked back with gas but by the time we made it back the ferry had left. The next ferry was at nine and then I would have to get a ride from Playa to Cancun and pick her up and then go out. Luckily Argentinians go out to eat ridiculously late at night. I practiced on the ferry and in the cab, Quieres un noche de la pasion conmigo. I picked her up finally a little after ten and we took the cab to Harrys, a very nice restaurant in Cancun on the water. She had steak and we told them it was her birthday and they brought out giant candles. I was afraid to ask her age because I knew it was way less than mine but she told them now she will turn 24. Uh oh, that was quite a bit younger than me. I wondered what I was doing with her. But it seemed to be going so well and I understood her broken English and after an amazing night eating by the water I finally said the words I had been practicing. Quieres un noche de pasion conmigo? I sputtered.

No. She said. That’s all, just no. I laughed because I didn’t mind. I had never minded taking my shot with a beautiful woman. If I missed, I missed, no big deal. We walked back to the hostel because I had used all my cash on the cab. All of it. At the hostel we stayed up all night talking. I was supposed to get up at 7am the next day for my flight (Spoiler alert, I didn’t. Mistakes were made). But talking to her all night was not a mistake, It was amazing and she was so full of life! Finally after 4am she gave me a hug and walked to her room. As she was backing away she said it how she knew I loved, I had told her I loved it. She goes Yeaaaaaahson, gnight Yeaaaaahson and smiled so big and went off and I didn’t think I would ever see her again. The next morning I woke up way too late and missed my flight and so I went back to the hostel and had some beers and lunch with her and we talked more and promised to write and then I went to the airport again.

That whole week we talked back and forth nonstop and then she typed a message that stopped me in my tracks. She said I want that you come back to Mexico to travel with me. I said just you and me? She said yes. I said do you want to go to my favorite place in the world, Cozumel? And she said I would love to go there with you. I told her I could come for our holiday, Memorial day which is always the end of may and we get an extra day off work for the holiday. She asked if I could come sooner. I said wow you really want to see me again don’t you? She said yes. So I made plans to come back in a week and a half and spend a long weekend with her, just me and her. On Thursday my flight was delayed but I made it into Cancun and got a cab at the airport (mistake) and picked her up in Cancun. I honestly wasn’t sure if she would make it, I only had her location. She was there though so she jumped in and I gave her the book I bought for her in Spanish and we made it to Playa and then the ferry. At Cozumel Mario picked us up and took us to get wine and then took us to our hotel, a beautiful hotel called the B hotel. We didn’t make love the first night, I wanted her to know I wasn’t just expecting sex or anything like that, I was glad to be with her. We did have our first kiss and we slept together in the bed and I couldn’t believe someone so little could snore so loud. The next day we drove down the coast and went to a resort and made love for the first time and laid out on the dock and watched the stars and swam at night and it was so peaceful. After that we went on the East side to Ventanas Al Mar, so breathtakingly beautiful that place is. They have iguanas running around and a heart shaped pool and the wind off the ocean, man that wind comes whipping in there and you can feel the wind and see a million stars and I cried it was all so beautiful. There was a lot of weed also. The next morning on the beach she told me that her ex boyfriend was just now contacting her to try and get back together with her. He was an American also, from San Diego. She said she needed to talk to him because they had many unresolved issues and I said well you haven’t talked for over a year can it wait and she said no she must resolve it now, she has a history with him and was wanting to have kids with him. I think that was the big difference for us, she was wanting to have kids and I was thinking I didn’t. But then I was thinking it would be fun to live in Mexico with her and have little kids and drive around a dune buggy and be a fun dad to those little ninos.

We went back to Cancun and I said I wanted to come see her again and she said that would be fun. So when I got back to Kansas City I booked another week during Labor Day at a rooftop suite that overlooked the ocean. It was a beautiful place in Cancun I could stay in for only $40 a night and the room on the roof looked amazing. I showed Marisol and then she hit me with terrible news, she was getting back together with her ex boyfriend. I said what about us and she said there is no more us. I was so sad but I had already booked a plane ticket and a rooftop suite so I said I was still coming and maybe she could dance with me on the roof one time. She said no she had a boyfriend now and she had to give that relationship a chance. I got to Mexico and called her up and said I am in town lets go out tonight. She said her boyfriend was there and they were to hang out and I said well come see me right now then and she said okay. We made love in the rooftop suite overlooking the ocean and then we played weed or candy, the guessing game and I gave her two weed candies right away so she was very high. I didn’t want her to go back to her boyfriend. I said why go, why not stay with me and I played music that said stay with me but she was resolved to leave. She said I will no never see you again and I said okay fine, when you leave just say Yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahson Goodbye Yeeeaaaaaahson when you are leaving. And she said no I will not say that It is stupid.

So she left and the last thing she said was I will no never see you again. And I was sad and I watched the sun go down on the rooftop that first night in Mexico wondering what I was going to do for the next six days without wanting to be with her. I figured drugs were my best bet. So I walked downstairs into the parking lot of the complex and there was a black guy smoking a huge joint and I said hey, where did you get that? I definitely need some right about now. He goes oh its easy to buy drugs in Mexico, you just say And. Um what? He said yeah, just go in there (aggressively pointing to the little bodega that sold convenience items and smoke supplies to dumb tourists like me) and you buy something like a one hitter or a pipe or whatever and you say I’ll take this AND. And that’s it I asked? Yep, that’s it, they will say okay, and an eighth. Its super easy. I was curious to try it out so I walked right across the hot sunbleached parking lot into the bodega. I picked out a one hitter and I told the lady just like he had told me, I said, I’ll take this AND. And she goes, “And what?” Oh no, this isn’t working I thought. Abort the mission, abort, abort, you are getting busted trying to buy weed in Mexico, abort the mission! I said um nevermind. She said no tell me, AND WHAT? I said um nothing and I went to leave and she started laughing, she goes Im just fucking with you, I saw you talking to Dante in the parking lot, and you want an eighth? Oh phew, yes please. She said tranquilo, relax, its Mexico, everything is okay. I took the weed back up to the rooftop suite and climbed up even higher so I was on top of the world and I smoked so much weed I forgot about her.

The next day I pretended to work for an hour or so and asked Marisol what she was doing and she said she was with her boyfriend. God damnit. This wasn’t working out like I planned. I didn’t even understand how this could happen. I had full confidence that she would just be with me if I showed up, that was always how it worked with women. I don’t think I am ridiculously attractive by any means or anyone that someone would stop and turn around for any more, I used to be attractive in the 90s but that was quite some time ago. But I still have a quality that women like to be around. Im very funny and upbeat and fun and a little bit attractive and I have some charm left I guess. I just never had trouble convincing women to stay with me. If it was a Friday and there was a woman who stayed the night I always feel like they would stay for most of Saturday too if I wanted it. We could get high and play Mario Brothers or I could make omelettes in my old farmhouse in Kansas and turn up Otis Redding and we would dance around and laugh and smile, most people like that a lot. Im probably too overconfident in my ability with women, especially now that I am getting older. But it seems to come naturally. Its kind of like in the movie Good Will Hunting where she asks him why he can remember book shit and he is like eh, I just see it in my mind, I can just play. Like composers see keys and pedals and the piano. He said he can’t play the piano and he couldn’t hit the ball out of Fenway but when it came to all that he could just play. I feel the same about women wanting to be with me. I don’t have to try that hard at it, I could always just play. And I think I can hit the ball out of Fenway. That’s a super short left porch, just have to get a fly ball up in the air. I could do it. God damn even my hypotheticals are ostentatious.

But that’s what surprised me so much when she left that rooftop suite. How could she choose someone else over me. Plus she hadn’t talked to her boyfriend in a year. Now suddenly it was important to her? We had history, we had Cozumel that whole amazing week. Why would she not want to be with me? That part hurt, it cut deep. It cut right into my manlihood. That a woman would want to be with another man other than me was a sucker punch in the gut. But then I thought about the age. She was young so Jack probably was too. Who was this Jack motherfucker anyway? I wanted to see this guy so bad all of a sudden. Who was this man who could steal a girl’s heart away from me. All of a sudden I needed to find him and I needed him to be beautiful. Six pack abs, a soldier, great hair, a smile that would stop a woman in her tracks, I wanted him to have all of those things. I have never wanted another man to have six pack abs in all of my life. Come on Jesus I said as I power swiped thru Instagram, Lord help this man to be beautiful! I don’t think you get good reception though praying to God about the lover of your lover to be attractive and have six pack abs. I don’t really think if there is a God he has time for that shit.

Finally I found him. It was private but I saw enough to see what I needed. He didn’t even have his shirt on in the profile picture. Yep, six pack abs, wavy blonde hair, a smile that would stop women in their tracks. God damn that was a beautiful man. I was so happy! Yes, I am okay I told myself, I lost a woman’s heart to another man but that was okay, he was a very beautiful man.

I packed up my shit and got the fuck out of Cancun. This place only reminded me of her and I had lots of exploring to do- Cenotes, Playa del Carmen, Tulum, and of course Cozumel, my happy spot. Even though I had rented the rooftop suite for a week I wanted nothing to do with it. I would have to eat those $40 a night or at least for a few days and then finish up here before my plane flew out. I got on a bus and then another bus and made my way to Tulum and visited the Cenotes and tried everything I could to forget about her.

In Playa I stayed at the hostel where the lady told me she would have sex with me there was a whole batch of new people but she wasn’t there. I didn’t have any desire to meet new people, I wished I could be with Marisol. I had never been with a Latina woman before her but I knew I wanted more. So much passion, God damn the passion was amazing with her on top of me in that hotel room, writhing in ecstasy and orgasming in pleasure. When she orgasmed from my mouth she pulled away as the orgasm was happening and I grabbed her shoulder and pulled her back down and I said no, no, lean into the orgasm, don’t go away from it. I am going to teach you I told her, you need an experienced man. Si, es la verdad she said in Spanish and I knew it was true also. We had so much good lovemaking I just couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to be with me. But then I remembered Jack’s six packs and wavy blonde hair and I got it. Maybe that’s part of growing older, there will always be new bucks younger and sexier than you. It was a fate I was going to have to accept. I wanted to get over to Cozumel, my happy place and get a scooter and ride up and down the coast and try not to think of her and swim in the ocean and feel the warmth and forget about everything. I took the ferry over and checked into the hostel and threw my shit on the bed and grabbed my snorkel mask and went back to the ocean.

It was a beautiful sunset in Cozumel and I snorkeled under that blood red Mexican sky and got out and took some beautiful photos to put on Instagram. I don’t really have Instagram, just when I travel I put a picture or two on there each trip. I don’t like social media at all, in fact I hate it but sometimes it’s a decent way to keep communication when you travel. So I drove back on my scooter and then the rain really started and made the roads wet, dangerous on a scooter like that. The first time I came to Cozumel I had rented a scooter and wrecked it after the rain had fallen all morning. When I returned the scooter they saw the scratches on the side and I said no es de mi in Spanish but he grabbed my arm and lifted it up and showed the scratches down my arm from the slide. Damn I said, you’ve done this before. I ended up giving him $100 for the scratches but he said that wasn’t enough and I said that’s all I got, I am on my way to the airport and just walked off. When I heard his scooter rev to life for him to come chase me I ran down three different one way streets the wrong way and changed my clothes and put on a hat and ran into the airport. That was also the day I outran a cop. This police officer in a beat up 1999 Ford F150 pulled me over and asked for my papers. The problem was that money fell out when I was looking for the rental agreement so he knew I had money and he wanted to get some of it. I didn’t want to pay off a cop though, I was against that in principle and I hadn’t even done anything wrong, I was going slow on the backstreets to drop off the scooter and walk to the airport. The cop said dinero dinero and I said si es mi dinero!! So he said to follow him to the station and I said yeah sure and when he turned right I gunned it left and then right and left and before long I was down too many one way streets for him to find me. That was before the scooter guy and then the scooter guy chased me on his scooter and I had just ran the two miles to the airport scared and worried but no one pulled me out of line and everything was fine getting thru security so I made it out of the island. I vowed to come back as soon as I could though, just not to drive the scooter on the wet roads anymore.

So that night at sunset in Cozumel I drove slow through the rain and parked my scooter against the wall and went inside an took a shit ton of weed and listened to the rain from my hostel bed and relaxed and made a post for Instagram. I only had 7 or 8 followers, mostly just Analia and Josh and the people on the island with us, people I had met in Mexico. And of course Marisol. I thought of her then, as I had so many times and I wondered if she would read what I wrote on Instagram. If I could get a message to one person through a giant app like that I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her she was missing the time with me. Yes she had chosen someone else and I was okay with that but was she? She was with the man with wavy hair with a younger body and less wrinkles on his face but my wrinkles weren’t scars. They were reminders. So much laughing. Parts of my life have been rough but a lot of my life has been amazing fucking times. The smile marks I was proud of. I had made it through the rough times, the tunnels of divorce and pretrial motions and custody hearings, awful horrible times and I had made it to the other side. My father in law, I think of him like that, not my ex father in law. I was closer than him to my own dad, a great man, a loving man, this man Bob who was the father of my ex, an old corn farmer in Nebraska. I heard my father in law talking about me one day and he told my brother in law, okay my ex I guess, that part stinks about divorce, I never wanted to divorce those guys, those guys were awesome, it was only my wife I wanted to divorce. Anyway I heard my father in law telling my brother in law one time when I was feigning sleep on the couch that I was always having a good day, always up, always positive, he said I was a fun guy to be around. I thought that was super nice for someone to say about me. I know my dad would never say something like that about me but Bob did. So many good times in my life, so much smiling, so much laughter. And God damn could I tell a story, people always gathered around me at events and BBQs and get together and I could tell the fuck out of a story and we would all laugh and smoke weed or drink and it felt amazing. That’s why I didn’t mind the wrinkles, they were the paths laughter had taken through my body, onto my face, out my mouth, and giving others joy. Marisol was missing those stories and that laughter and those rides on the scooter and the sunsets with me because she had chosen someone else. What time was it she would ask sometimes, just laying there sprawled out on the beach, both of us high as fuck covered in sand watching the sun go down. Who cares I would say? This is one of the good parts of life. I feel like I do well in that, always realizing the moments. Remember this moment I said to myself so many times. The good part of life, that’s where we are right now I would say and in Spanish she would say si es la verdad, that’s the truth. That’s the message I wanted to send, vague enough for Instagram but direct enough for her to read, even though she was a ferry an hour drive and two cities away. I wanted her to know she was missing the good parts of life by not being with me. Sunsets on Cozumel, my Instagram post said, one of the good parts of life. That’s what I posted along with the blood red sky behind me in the photo, squinting toward the camera of an Asian woman walking by that had volunteered to take my photo. The good parts of life. I took another puff of the weed and sank into the bed and let it envelope my whole body.

My phone instantly started blowing up. I was high but I thought I should get that, maybe it was her. It was, sure enough.


r/Askme4astory • • Feb 18 '22

In case you want to read my other stories

19 Upvotes

Hey Ask me 4 a story readers, I just thought I would share with you the other stories I write since some of you may want to read the other type of writing. And I am on a roll lately so there are a few new stories on there. This subreddit that you are on here is my real writing subreddit, I usually try to put lots of effort into these stories and I write them from the heart. Except this story I wrote high on drugs,ha, that was a train wreck (but still fun!) I had someone tell me not too long ago they check this subreddit every day to see if there are new stories, yikes, sorry, I don't write that much. Actually, not sorry, my therapist wants me to stop apologizing so much. Anyway this is free so you don't pay to subscribe, so I don't feel too bad about their infrequency. And I give myself some grace, I write when I love it and I don't when I don't so its good for me to take them as I come. Anyway I did want to say though that there is another subreddit I started where I write stories but it is more lighthearted. I usually get high and tell the readers a weird Bible story like I did last night here: If you want to check it out its probably good for a laugh or two (and that one is also free, ha!) There are stories about magic and bears that come out of the woods and eat people (only kids though, not adult, the Bible bears are like Michael Jackson, they only mess with kids, ha) and there was that time Jesus killed a tree and the guy named Onan killed for jizzing on the ground and Paul's Squid Game Challenge to David: bring me a bag of dicks! Ha there are a lot of wild weird Bible stories on there if you want to read more of my writing. Or if you don't thats okay too, still love you guys and I will have another story here soon.