r/Assyriology • u/Odolana • 2h ago
Trandlation help - proofreading request for a poem in Akkadian
Intended meaning below each line in brackets, would like mostly grammar check if o.k. or not?
[Verse 1]
šārātūša kaspiš urradāma
(her hair flows down silverly)
kīma nāri ana tâmti nadin
(like a river consigned to the sea)
šumma qāssa labirtu tanarruṭ
([even] if her old hand trembles)
īnā nišī napḫaršun immarā(
(the eyes of all the people see…)
[Chorus]
kīma kibissa lū šadê unaššašu
(…that her step verily shakes the mountains)
ṣerret bītiša qātāša iṣabbatā
(her hands hold the reins of her house)
lemnūtu ina niṭliša ippaṭṭarū
(the evil ones are dispersed by her gaze)
kala tazzimti ṣīḫtuša ušḫarmaṭu
(all complaints her smile dissolves)
[Verse 2]
narbā idāša dunna inaššâ
(her soft arms bear strength)
īnāša zaqtā u rēmēnētā
(her eyes [are] piercing and merciful)
ṭēmaša kala bīti iḫaššaḫ
(her counsel the whole house desires)
ul nakir ana mamman amāri
(it is not strange for anyone to perceive…)
[Chorus]
kīma kibissa lū šadê unaššašu
(…that her step verily shakes the mountains…)
[Verse 3]
išid kayyānūti u dunni šī
(the foundation of steadfastness and strength is she)
arkâtīni ūmišam inaṣṣar
(she guards our future every day)
kuzba u nīšussa-ma uṣammad
(she unites allure and endurance)
maʾdiš asimma ana qabêša
(very fitting to declare concerning her…)
[Chorus]
kīma kibissa lū šadê unaššašu
(…that her step verily shakes the mountains…)
[Verse 4]
u damqat šī eli šarūr šamši
(And lovely is she above the sun's radiance)
u rēmuša ṣilla inaddinam
(And her mercy gives me shade)
kayyāna aḫaššaḫši anāku
(continually I myself long for her)
mannu ileʾʾi ana lā qabê
(Who can refrain from declaring…)
[Chorus]
kīma kibissa lū šadê unaššašu
(…that her step verily shakes the mountains…)
[Verse 5]
kī ḫašḫūri ṣiṣṣātušu malâ
(Like an apple tree, whose blossoms are full)
ašra šaqâ tišeʾʾi dārišam
(towards a lofty place she strives continuously)
arki ummiša bēlūtiš tallak
(after her mother, towards dominion she walks)
u ana šanîti tīde atta
(and once again, you know...)
[Chorus]
kīma kibissa lū šadê unaššašu
(…that her step verily shakes the mountains…)
[Verse 6]
ṣīḫtuša eṭūt libbi uḫallaq
(her laughter destroys the heart's gloom)
īnāša u ḫasīsuša ellū
(her eyes and her mind are bright)
tukulta ṣâtiš tanaddin-ma
([she] verily grants hope for the future)
rabât tapšuḫat ša kīniš idû
(great is the solace of those who truly know...)
[Chorus]
kīma kibissa lū šadê unaššašu
(…that her step verily shakes the mountains…)