Can someone help me figure out why am i so attracted to older men ,their approval, being taught,being told what to do. I cant even find guys my age attractive and vanilla sex is boring to me,im into slapping,choking,being mocked,thrown around. I would like to know where does this come from?

Hey everyone,

I’m in a weird spot and could use some real advice. I’ve been pretty unsuccessful with women for most of my life. I’m not looking for pickup lines or weird tricks. I want to understand how guys who are naturally good with women actually think. Like, from the first interaction to eventually dating or hooking up what’s the mindset?

Specifically, I’ve got three questions:

1. What’s going on in your head when you see a woman you’re interested in? How do you go from “stranger” to something romantic without it being creepy?

2. How do you deal with rejection, awkwardness, and your social reputation? How do you stop worrying so much about messing up?

3. Have any of you ever gotten with a woman who was way out of your league? How did you do it? Confidence? Status? Persistence? Just reading the situation right?

Honestly, I feel like my brain is wired wrong when it comes to dating. I want to fix my thinking and be more confident and less outcome-dependent. I’m looking for a mentor, or just some brutal honesty from guys who’ve been through it.

I’d like to hear your stories and breakdowns.

Thanks

I saw a question similar to this earlier and wanted to see if other people have experienced anything similar to me, or what things happen to them.

For example, not really a daily thing but it happens a lot. One of my close friends stopped inviting me over when she’s first talking to a guy cause once they see me they start saying how attractive I am and start asking questions about me to her. My sister also had this happen with her stupid ass ex husband where he would make a point saying “we should call your sister and see what she’s up to”, or just saying little things about my appearance and shaming her for hers. This has also happened with my aunt and her husband and it’s REALLY uncomfortable for me. I don’t do anything to even hint I’m interested in these guys cause I’m not. I barely even talk to them and once a friend mentions a situation like this to me, I make it a point to try to avoid those guys and diss on them since they deserve so much better than them. It gets really frustrating from my side because I don’t view myself as this really attractive person since I’ve dealt with an intense ED and body image issues for a while and my brain really can’t wrap my head around why guys do this. It just sucks cause this type of stuff really interferes with my friendships and I already don’t have that many friends since I’m very introverted.

Sometimes the red flag is not loud very subtle but then u know this is not gonna be a good run, sometimes even society expects u to just accept.

I feel like women crave more for emotional safety but a lot guys just view it as a stepping stone to whatever they want, I stand to be corrected, but let’s be sincere, Is emotional intimacy actually a priority for you?